Master
Apprentice  Archive
No Comparison
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Archive: if you want it
Category: sorta AU, sorta drama/angst
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: PG-NC17
Spoilers: some for JA series
Summary: Qui-Gon reflects on the past.
Notes: I tried to write a gen story, but somehow this came out instead. Feedback: I'm really nervous, but I'd like to hear what you think. squad51-st@home.com
Chapter one
"Master, I wish to speak with you," Obi-Wan requested solemnly after hanging his robe.
With an indulgant smile, Qui-Gon set aside his reading and patted the space next to him on the couch.
Obi-Wan sat down beside his master, clearing his throat before turning toward him and looking him pointedly in the eye.
"It must be something serious," Qui-Gon commented, noting the furrowed brow, the determined set of his padawan's jaw.
"Yes, it is, Master. I wish to discuss my feelings for you."
Qui-Gon had seen this coming, had been expecting it this time. Though his padawan's sincerity both warmed and amused him, he could not smile. No, that would not go over well at all. Carefully, he schooled his features. "Alright, Obi-Wan."
The entire admission was endearingly earnest. Qui-Gon had almost expected the younger man to get down on one knee and present him with a ring or a dowry. When it was all said, Obi-Wan hadn't ask for an immediate answer, instead, he'd suggested they meditate and let The Force guide them both.
Now, as he knelt beside his young apprentice, letting his thoughts and emotions flow, he could not help but remember a time long past, when he'd been confronted with a similar admission.
Similar, yet so different.
"I don't understand why we have to go looking for him every time he gets lost. Why can't someone else go looking for him?" The two Jedi turned a corner; the younger one struggling to keep up with his master's brisk stride. "We have better things to do than chasing wayward initiates through the temple! That isn't our responsibility."
"Ah, but you're wrong about that, my padawan," the Jedi Master explained patiently. "The initiates are our future; they are everyone's responsibility."
"I understand, Master," the younger man begrudgingly conceded after a heavy sigh, "but still...shouldn't the creche masters keep a better watch over the students?"
They rounded another corner on their way to the small Serendipity Garden. The older man couldn't explain why, he just had a strange sense that they would find the object of their search in this particular garden. He'd felt a connection of some sort with the small child ever since their unplanned meeting on the last mission.
He wondered briefly why his apprentice was being so obstinate.
Thinking back to the week before when they had first found young Obi-Wan Kenobi, he remembered his apprentice, Xanatos, as having had little time or patience for the lad. Obi-Wan, in turn, had been very timid around the young man.
The two planets had finally come to a tentative peaceful trade agreement. After more than a month of tedious planetary negotiations, the group of Jedi diplomats sent to advise both parties, found that they were finally able to relax for an evening. Casually, they strolled through the village, enjoying a well-deserved break while at the same time, taking the opportunity to observe the people and customs.
Being a Jedi Master, Qui-Gon felt it particularly important to emphasize the significance of the Living Force, to his pupils. He took great pleasure in observing and interacting with almost every form of life and more often than not, there would be a lesson to be learned from even the most seemingly insignificant excursion. Xanatos had learned that early on.
The entire group paused, immediately aware of a nearby commotion. A moment later a group of ragged-looking children took off running from the square. They'd each apparently stolen fruit from one of the vendors and darted across the street, disappearing into a section of dilapidated buildings. The owner of the small stand shouted after them, but did not bother to pursue the children.
As Qui-Gon scanned the area, his gaze came to rest on a very small boy. The golden-haired toddler, barefooted and wearing tattered rags for clothing -- possibly too young to have been involved in the 'heist' -- had stopped in the middle of the street and was staring with awe at the daunting group of Jedi.
And then the Jedi Master felt a shift in The Force. An unseen wave jolted him, nearly causing him to stumble. He looked around to see if the others had felt it as well, before turning back toward the small boy - sensing that the wave had originated from him. The child was now staring in another direction. Qui-Gon followed the child's line of vision and was horrified to see a cruiser bearing down on the lad.
It took only an instant to prepare his well-trained mind to send a wave of Force in hopes of physically moving the boy out of harm's way. But even as he did so, he knew it was too late. He held his breath in both dread and anticipation. The cruiser swerved at the last moment, at the exact time that Qui-Gon force-pushed and although the boy was clipped in the shoulder and knocked to the ground, he thankfully was spared from what would most definitely have been a fatal impact.
The land cruiser didn't even slow down and to their astonishment, not one of the civilians seemed to be at all concerned. The group of Jedi hurried into the street to check on the boy, but they were the only ones who did.
Qui-Gon knelt down beside the child who was curled up tightly with his face hidden, sobbing. He was actually relieved to hear the distressed crying - it meant that the boy was conscious and hopefully not too seriously injured. "Are you all right, little one?" he asked and carefully ran his hands over the frail figure, checking for injuries. "Can you look at me?"
The boy hesitated, but a moment later, having gained some control over his emotions, sniffled and turned his dirt-smudged face toward the tall Jedi Master. Qui-Gon smiled warmly, pleased that the boy was responding. Brushing his hand, very gently over a large bump on the small forehead, he sent a healing wave through The Force.
The boy stopped crying altogether, obviously distracted by his infatuation with the strangers. Qui-Gon found that he was able to distinguish a sense of trepidation from the child, but it was outweighed by his curiosity.
Suddenly, he realized that he could feel the boy's presence in his own mind. He thought it odd, simply for the fact that he'd never been able to connect this deeply with anyone other than his own former master -- possibly one or two other Jedi over his lifetime. The connection he had with his own padawan, which had taken some time to accomplish, was nothing at all like this.
He felt only an overwhelming need to comfort and protect the child. He sent a wave of calm reassurance and as if on cue, the youngster immediately stopped trembling.
"Can you sit up, little one?" he asked kindly, after detecting there were no serious injuries. The little boy nodded and allowed Qui-Gon to assist him.
Rubbing his eyes with tiny hands, he blinked as he looked more closely at the rather imposing group that surrounded him. When his gaze finally came to rest on Qui-Gon Jinn, the child visibly relaxed against him.
"Ask him what his name is," Mace Windu suggested, nudging Qui-Gon with his elbow.
"Can you tell us what your name is, little one?" Qui-Gon asked, smiling down at the boy.
"He's probably too little to talk yet," another of the group, Faris, surmised in his gravelly voice -- not even allowing the boy a chance to answer.
The latter comment earned Faris a glare from the child, who then obediently looked up at Qui-Gon with large green eyes. "My name is Obi-Wan," he answered softly.
Qui-Gon shot Faris an amused glance and turned his attention back to Obi-Wan. "Well, Obi-Wan, I am Master Qui-Gon Jinn and I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance."
"The boy is strong in the Force," Mace Windu was the first to comment.
"Yes, I feel it as well," Qui-Gon agreed, looking down at the bedraggled little figure. "I felt it before the accident...I could feel his terror. It almost knocked me over."
"I feel hungry," Obi-Wan stated pitifully, rubbing his stomach and struggling to stand.
Qui-Gon's chuckle was echoed by those around him and he stood, scooping the boy into his arms without effort. "I must admit that I feel hungry as well, Obi-Wan. Would you care to join us for a meal?" Obi-Wan's eyes grew wide and he nodded. "I'm really hungry."
"Well then, let's get you cleaned up a bit and get something to fill this." He gently poked Obi-Wan in the stomach and turned to Mace Windu. "We can send for an official to see about finding out to whom he belongs - if there is anyone."
Master Windu nodded his agreement and the group began walking back to their lodging. "We will need to contact The Council, as well."
Trailing behind the rest of the group, the dark haired apprentice of Qui-Gon Jinn frowned with displeasure. What was so special about the little urchin? His master always seemed to be attracted to the pathetic, he was always easily drawn to hard-luck cases. Xanatos fumed inwardly, as he trudged along behind. The thing that irritated him most was: how was it possible that this raggedy boy -- a stranger, not even a Jedi -- could get into his master's mind?
The trip back to Coruscant took several days and they all had soon learned that young Obi-Wan was quite intelligent for his age -- as well as street-wise. In spite of his tendency to cling to Master Jinn, he both amazed and amused the other Jedi on board, with the exception of Qui-Gon's apprentice.
Xanatos kept to himself for most of the journey, not being disrespectful, only withdrawn and more quiet than usual.
Qui-Gon was especially taken with the child; the two of them had spent many hours together. Qui-Gon had not shunned or avoided his apprentice; to his knowledge he hadn't treated Xanatos any differently at all. But the youth seemed depressed and sullen on the trip home and Qui-Gon made a mental note to discuss it when the trip was over.
After returning to the temple, Xanatos seemed to bounce back and he quickly shrugged off the concern of his master. When prompted to discussion, the young man had insisted that there was nothing of importance bothering him and simply changed the subject.
Now, one week later, Qui-Gon Jinn was again feeling disturbing emotions through the bond he shared with Xanatos. There was a sense of 'darkness' that he couldn't quite put his finger on, surrounding his apprentice and it reminded him of a conversation he'd had with his own master, not all that long ago.
His master had cautioned him as to an uncertain path and a cloudy future that he foresaw with Xanatos. Qui-Gon had listened intently, respecting as always the wisdom of his Master and had vowed to himself that day, to make it his duty to see that he did everything possible to ensure that Xanatos did not stray from the light.
Qui-Gon would have to discuss the puzzling emotions being displayed by Xanatos. He'd make a point of reassuring his padawan; they would start by meditating together this evening and reaffirming their bond. The last thing he wanted was to be the cause -- by action or inaction -- of any hurt or anxiety.
Being a Master, he well understood that youthful emotions were more often than not difficult to understand, not to mention difficult to control. Yet, however difficult, the need to control such emotion was paramount to a Jedi.
"The creche masters seldom lose their pupils, Padawan." The elder Jedi 's voice was calm with only a hint of reproof. "Obi-Wan just happened to wander away unnoticed."
"Master, he's only been here for a week and already he's managed to wander away unnoticed three times!"
Qui-Gon chuckled. "You have a point."
As they neared the entrance to the garden, they were able to hear birds chirping along with the bubbling sound of the small brook that ran through. Qui-Gon Jinn smiled as a child's delighted laughter echoed from the area and he turned to his apprentice. "I think we may have found him."
They entered the garden to find not one, but two small figures seated beside the brook. One was in fact the missing child and the second figure belonged to non-other than Qui-Gon's own master -- Master Yoda. Qui-Gon smiled at the sight.
"I see you've found our lost initiate, my Master," Qui-Gon called out as he neared the brook.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan stood quickly and hurried over to the tall Jedi Master.
"Lost, one is not, if one is where they are meant to be," the small Master explained.
"Yes, well, I think the Creche Master may argue with you on that, Master," Qui-Gon replied warmly.
"Hmmph." Master Yoda waved his small arm in dismissal. "Important it sometimes is, to sit and look at the fish."
"Come look at the fish, Master Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan pleaded, tugging on the Jedi's hand. "I never seen a fish before!"
Qui-Gon smiled indulgently and stepped over to the side of the brook. "Those are lovely fish, Obi-Wan. Aren't they Xanatos?" He asked looking over his shoulder.
The teen-ager rolled his eyes and dutifully looked into the water. "Real neat, Obi-Wan," he replied half-heartedly.
Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes at the teen-ager, not believing for a moment that Master Qui-Gon's padawan shared his appreciation.
"We didn't have fish where I used to live," Obi-Wan stated solemnly.
"Yes, I know that, little one," Qui-Gon replied with a trace of a smile. "You know, Obi-Wan...half the temple is searching for you at this very moment. We'd better get you back to Master Sarai before we all get in trouble."
Obi-Wan nodded and knelt down to speak with Yoda. "Thank you for bringing me to see the fish, Master Yoda."
"Enjoy this time, I have. Do this again, we must," the small Master responded, patting Obi-Wan on the shoulder.
Qui-Gon hoisted the toddler into his arms, glancing pointedly toward Yoda. "I hope the next time you...uh...hold council with young Obi-Wan...you'll inform Master Sarai?"
"Hmmmph." Yoda's eyes twinkled and he actually winked at Obi-Wan, who giggled in response.
"I'll see you soon, my Master," Qui-Gon said with a small bow and the trio departed the garden.
Xanatos was reserved again as they made their way to the crèche. A slight frown creased his brow.
Holding the small child in one arm, Qui-Gon patted his apprentice on the back with his free hand. "Why don't you run along and get changed for your sparring match this afternoon. I'll Take Obi-Wan back and meet you shortly."
Xanatos gave him a questionable glance before bowing and heading off in the opposite direction.
"I don't think he likes me much," Obi-Wan whispered rather loudly into Qui-Gon's ear.
"Don't be silly, Obi-Wan. It's just that...Xanatos is a teenager and as I'm sure you'll one day discover, all teenagers are very...well, very moody."
"Hmmm...okay, if you say so," the child accepted the reasoning with a hesitant nod. "But I still think he dislikes me."
"I think you'd better be more worried about what Master Sarai is going to think of you, young one," Qui-Gon told him with a quiet laugh.
Obi-Wan considered this and then looked thoughtfully at the Jedi Master. "Maybe I should not go back there. Maybe I should go home with you instead."
Qui-Gon laughed out loud at this. "Oh? You think?"
"Yes," the child answered with utter sincerity. "I think it would be better to not go back to the creche. Master Sarai will probably make me meditate for a long, long, long time and...well...I'm just not good at that! It's very hard to sit for that long, Master Qui-Gon!"
"Hmmm...I see. And what do you think she will she make you meditate on?"
"Well, I told Master Sarai that I needed to use the 'fresher and she said okay and to come right back, but then I musta forgot she said that 'cause I wanted to look for you and I musta went the wrong way and I got a little bit lost and I didn't know anyone and everyone was so big...and then I saw Master Yoda and I told him I was maybe lost and wished I could find you and he said I should come look at the fish with him and you would find me and then...you did." With a contented sigh, Obi-Wan laid his head on the master's shoulder. "You found me just like Master Yoda said."
"Well now, you've had quite a busy day," Qui-Gon said, warmed by the waves of affection he felt radiating from child in his arms. "I think that maybe if you apologize to Master Sarai and offer to go meditate before she tells you to do so...well, maybe that would work in your favor. You are sorry for disobeying, aren't you little one?"
Obi-Wan gave a tiny nod and then yawned. "But, I'm not sorry that you found me and I'm not sorry I got to look at the fish with Master Yoda."
Qui-Gon tried to hide his smile, but couldn't help but give the boy a squeeze. "Well, I think it would be wise not to mention that part to Master Sarai." He knew that he should be saying something wise about the importance of following the rules, but wasn't feeling the least bit inclined to reprimand the youngster at the moment. He resolved to have a discussion with the child later on the importance of listening to your master, as well as the possible dangers of wandering off when one is so young.
By the time they arrived at the creche, Obi-Wan was soundly sleeping. Master Sarai smiled fondly when they entered the quarters, although Qui-Gon had a feeling that young Obi-Wan would be in for a stern reprimand when he woke.
"Thank you for finding him again, Qui-Gon," she offered with a somewhat 'knowing' expression as she led him to Obi-Wan's bed. "I've spoken with Mace and been apprised of the 'fish story'."
Qui-Gon laid the sleeping child on his bed and brushed a large hand over his forehead. "Sleep well, little one," he whispered.
"If I didn't know you better Qui-Gon Jinn," Sarai said with her arms folded across her chest. "I'd think you were enjoying chasing this little scoundrel through the temple."
Qui-Gon winked mischievously at the creche master, but said nothing in his own defense as he headed out of the initiate's quarters. As soon as he was out in the corridor, the almost euphoric feeling that he'd had in Obi-Wan's company, was replaced with the weight of the serious conversation that he knew he'd soon be having with Xanatos.
For some reason, he found himself almost dreading the expected confrontation. He worried that his apprentice would not be forthcoming, or even that he might lose his temper. The Jedi Master also worried that he would not say the right words, or that Xanatos would not interpret his intent correctly.
Teenagers were so unpredictable, but worrying would get nothing resolved, he told himself. Taking a deep centering breath, he picked up his pace and let go of his uncertainty.
Chapter two
Qui-Gon winced as he watched his usually skillful and agile apprentice miss his mark again. This time Xanatos received a stinging blow to his right shoulder as payment for his lapse of judgment. Thankfully, the blow came from a low powered training saber.
With icy blue eyes, Xanatos glared at his opponent. His chest was heaving from exertion and Qui-Gon could tell that his apprentice was no longer in control of his emotions. He could feel the anger rolling off of the teen. / Let your anger go, Padawan. It will only cause you act hastily, which will eventually lead to your failure. You must center yourself. /
Casting an acknowledging glance toward his master, Xanatos then closed his eyes and took several deep breaths to clear his mind and attempt to regain his center. When he opened his eyes and squared his shoulders, Qui-Gon was almost convinced that the youth had let go of his negative emotion. He could still detect a sense of anger through their training bond, but it had decreased markedly.
In the end, the match went to the other apprentice, Tristin. Out of nine sets, Xanatos had lost six. A very rare occurrence for Qui-Gon's young apprentice.
Obviously exhausted and still breathing raggedly from the workout, Xanatos approached his Master submissively. "I'm afraid that I did not spar well, Master."
"I'm afraid that I'd have to agree with you, my Padawan," Qui-Gon replied with a slightly sympathetic smile. "However, even a Jedi is allowed an off-day. I am confident that you are aware of the reason for your short comings in the match today." He looked pointedly at his apprentice, waiting for confirmation.
"Yes, Master. I allowed myself to become angry with my opponent." The apprentice seemed to be puzzled for a time and Qui-Gon remained silent, waiting for the young man to continue.
"It was like...the anger inside of me...it just seemed to keep growing, but instead of feeling satisfaction, I kept getting more and more angry until I allowed the anger take over. I allowed myself to make a number of mistakes using rash judgment and my every move seemed to feed the anger instead of curbing it. The force was not with me," he admitted with shame. "I tried to get it under control, but by then it was too late." Pausing for a moment, he then sheepishly added, "I believe that I will have many things to meditate on this evening."
"You're a good apprentice, Xanatos," Qui-Gon said, patting him on the shoulder and ushering him toward the showers. He was impressed that the boy had contemplated his emotion so deeply, but he needed to be careful with how he dealt with the situation. Qui-Gon wanted very much to relay his pride, but at the same time he had to instill the value of the lesson learned. He wanted his padawan to always remember the feelings he'd experienced this day.
"Someday, you will be a very wise and honorable Jedi Knight," the master said for encouragement. "But for now, you are still an apprentice with much to learn. I am confident that already today you have learned an invaluable lesson from this experience -- one that I hope you will always find yourself able to draw upon." He was purposely quiet for a short time, searching the younger man's features for acknowledgment that his words had sunk in. "So now, why don't you get freshened up and then we will have our evening meal in the cafeteria."
As Qui-Gon and Xanatos entered the busy dining hall, trays in hand, Qui-Gon looked over to the area reserved for the temple initiates. He had recently found himself enjoying eating the evening meal in the Temple dining hall and he admitted to himself that it pleased him to be able to get at least a glimpse of the youngster he had found and brought to the Temple in recent weeks. So far, every meal they'd taken there, Qui-Gon had been greeted with an enthusiastic wave from the toddler, but tonight, Obi-Wan was nowhere in sight.
The younger children were already finished with their meal and forming an orderly line as they were being readied to return to the crèche. Obi-wan was not among them and Qui-Gon couldn't help but be concerned by his absence. He hoped the boy hadn't fallen ill, or something.
The Creche Master, Sarai, had apparently noticed him scanning the area and when he made eye contact with her, the woman gave him a soft, 'knowing' smile. It made him all the more curious as to the whereabouts of the child, but the he did not allow himself to give in to the impulse to hurry over and question her on Obi-Wan.
He ate a relaxing meal with his apprentice. When they were finished, Xanatos sought his master's permission to retire to the garden for a walk and to meditate on the events of the day.
Qui-Gon excused the teenager and decided to take a little stroll of his own. It just so happened that he ended up at the initiate's dormitory.
"Fighting? Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon could hardly believe his ears.
"Oh yes," Master Sarai confirmed. "And that's not all! You should have heard the language he used! I can't imagine who would have taught him to swear like that. Where would a tiny little thing like Obi-Wan, learn such foul words?"
Qui-Gon rubbed a hand over his face in mild frustration. "Well, he hasn't been living under the most ideal circumstances, up until now," he told her. Admittedly he found the behavior surprising, this was a side of the child he had never observed. "Would you mind if I spoke with him?"
"To be quite honest Qui-Gon, I'd appreciate you're speaking with him. I'm certain that anything you would say will have a much stronger impact on him than anything a 'mere mortal' like myself could say." She smiled, gesturing toward the room set aside for thoughtful reflection. "He thinks the universe of you, you know?"
Qui-Gon took a deep cleansing breath, readying himself to face the little...enigma that until then had seemed like the most pleasant child he'd ever encountered.
He opened the door to the small, unfurnished room. He knew the room well, from his own experience -- many, many years ago.
The tiny figure he sought was found as expected, seated on the floor facing the corner, with his back to the tall Jedi master. Not for the first time, the master found that he was able to detect the faint presence in his mind that he'd come to recognize as belonging to Obi-Wan. He could feel the despair rolling over the child.
He didn't understand the connection -- the two of them shared some sort of bond; not the same as the training bond that existed between master and apprentice, but some type of empathic bond, non-the-less.
Closing the door behind him, Qui-Gon cleared his throat. "Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan seemed to close in on himself and didn't respond, so Qui-Gon decidedly sat down next to him against the wall. "I missed seeing you at evening meal, Obi-Wan."
Cautiously the child turned his head and looked up through tear-dampened eyelashes. "I'm in trouble," he whispered.
"Ahhh...I see," Qui-Gon replied, nodding while at the same time looking around the room with thoughtful contemplation. He wasn't certain of what to say to a child Obi-Wan's age, but finally he simply spoke the first thing that came to mind. It had worked well for them so far.
"It amazes me that this room looks exactly the same as it did when I used to be made to sit in here."
Without looking at the small boy, he knew that the statement had drawn the reaction he had hoped for when he heard a sharp intake of breath, followed moments later by Obi-Wan maneuvering around to kneel before him. "You had to sit in this room?"
Qui-Gon shrugged, schooling his features to portray a somewhat remorseful expression. 'Well, you could say that. As a matter of fact, I sat in this room more often than I'd like to admit -- when I was a child."
"You mean...you got in trouble too, Master Qui-Gon?"
The master had to look away to hide his amusement at the child's utter astonishment. "Yes little one, I suppose you could say that."
"What did you do?" Obi-Wan asked, still unsure as to whether he believed the master had ever gotten in trouble.
"Well, if I tell you what I did...will you tell me what happened with you today?"
Obi-Wan hesitated a moment and then nodded in agreement, watching the master intently.
"Okay, here goes..." He pulled Obi-Wan into his lap and with a far away expression, began his tale. "One time, a long time ago, when I was a little older than you - but not much -- I was a very finicky eater and I had an overwhelming dislike for Eturian Stew," Qui-Gon spat the word distastefully, while making a face of disgust. When Obi-Wan mirrored the expression, Qui-Gon patted his back commiseratively. "Ahh...I see that you're familiar with Eturian Stew."
Obi-Wan nodded and whispered, "They made us eat it yesterday."
"Well, to be honest, I hated Eturian Stew, as did most of the other children, but we were supposed to eat all of our food anyway. Unfortunately, I disobeyed this rule from time-to-time," Qui-Gon confessed reluctantly. Some small part of his brain questioned whether or not it was wise to put such ideas into the youngster's mind, but he resigned himself to a subsequent lecture on starvation and food waste at another time. "Whenever possible," he continued, "I would give my portion to my friend...uh...Mace," he almost regretted admitting the identity of the Eturian Stew lover, but not enough to keep him from doing so.
"Master Windu likes Eturian Stew?" Obi-Wan asked with a horrified expression.
Qui-Gon smiled indulgently and leaned closer. "He also likes Frothil soup."
Obi-Wan had no idea what Frothil soup was, but he sincerely hoped they no longer had it on the initiate's menu.
"Anyway...this particular time, a girl named Lispeth, who was a terrible tattle-tale, happened to see me give my portion to Mace and she told the Crèche Master..."
"Master Sarai?"
"Uhhh...no, Obi-Wan," he chuckled at the thought, "Master Sarai is much too young to have been the Crèche Master when I was a child. A-anyway...because of my lapse of judgment, the Creche Master made me eat two portions of stew that day."
"Yuck." Obi-Wan wore thoughtful expression and Qui-Gon could practically see the wheels turning in the boy's mind, finally after a few moments of silence he glanced suspiciously up at the Jedi Master. "Is that all you did?"
"Well, not exactly." Qui-Gon sighed. Actually, he had been hoping to get by on that. He thought it would be wise -- and less embarrassing -- to give out as little of the undesirable information pertaining to his youth as possible. "You see I managed to...with the help of a couple of friends..."
"Master Windu?"
"Well, I probably shouldn't say, but yes...Mace and another friend Faris and I managed to...uhh...misappropriate quite a large amount of the stew between the three of us and...well, we put it in Lispeth's bunk, under the blanket and when Lispeth got in bed that night. Let's just say that she was not amused."
"Cool!" Obi-Wan responded with admiration.
"Well, not very and I ended up sitting in this room for quite a long time...contemplating all of the unwise decisions I'd made that day." Qui-Gon sighed again. He feared that he had just corrupted the boy and if Master Sarai found Eturian Stew in anyone's bed, he would never hear the end of it.
"I hit Belin Horas," Obi-Wan stated flatly, looking down at the ground.
"Hmmm...I see," Qui-Gon replied non-judgmentally. "Whatever reason would you have to do such a thing, young one?"
"He called me a baby," Obi-Wan's brow creased in a frown at the admission, "and he said that you were a very important Jedi and you had lots of better things to do than spending time with babies."
"So, you hit him?"
"No, then I told him you were my friend and that we always had fun and you liked to spend time with me."
"And..." Qui-Gon prompted.
"And, he laughed at me and whispered to his friends and his friends laughed at me and then they all started calling me names and saying mean things."
"So then you hit him?"
"No. Then I called him a name back." Obi-Wan looked thoroughly dejected. "Then they told on me. I got in trouble from Master Sarai and when she went away, they laughed at me again..."
"So then you hit him?"
Obi-Wan nodded.
"Belin Horas is quite a bit bigger than you are."
"I know. I'm sorry that I hit him. I was mad. Jedi aren't s'posed to get mad and they're not s'posed to hit another Jedi."
"You're right, Obi-Wan. Allowing ourselves to get mad, leads us to do things that we know we should not do," he explained patiently, remembering having a similar conversation earlier that day.
"I know. I'm really sorry." A tear rolled down Obi-Wan's cheek, followed by another and Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around the slight frame. He could feel the child's regret. He knew that Obi-Wan was truly repentant.
After a short time, the boy had calmed down and he looked up at Qui-Gon with a smile. "You really are my friend, aren't you," he said matter-of-factly.
"I'll always be your friend, Obi-Wan and I do like spending time with you."
Obi-Wan snuggled happily down in his lap with a contented sigh. A moment later, however, a loud rumble was emitted from the child's stomach, causing him to giggle.
"You missed your dinner, didn't you?" Qui-Gon asked with a sympathetic pat on the child's empty stomach. He then set the child on the floor and stood up. "Wait right here. I'll be back in a moment."
Obi-Wan smiled and nodded.
Qui-Gon stepped inside the quarters that he shared with his apprentice, smiling as he thought back on the conversation he'd had with little Obi-Wan. Confession and absolution, followed by sandwiches and fruit on the floor of the little disciplinary room had lightened both of their hearts immensely. He'd even tucked the boy into his bed, promising to take him to the Serendipity Garden soon -- if he was well behaved and didn't wander off in search of the Jedi Master. If all of life's difficulties could be solved so easily, he pondered ruefully.
Their apartment was quiet and he wondered briefly why Xanatos would not be up waiting for him. Assuming that he had been tired and went to bed early, Qui-Gon peeked into the sleep room to check on the young man. The bed was empty.
He knew that his apprentice was having a more difficult time dealing with his anger. Emotions became more complex with age and he could only hope that Xanatos had been able to find some peace and resolution in his meditation. Still, something was not right here...his apprentice should have been home by this time and he now had a strange feeling of unease.
He went into the kitchen to make some tea, deciding that he would wait up for his errant padawan.
"Master? What are you doing up?" The dark haired youth entered the apartment and removed his robe, hanging it on the hook next to the entryway.
"Where have you been, Padawan?" Qui-Gon questioned worriedly, rising from the couch and placing his data pad on the table in front of him.
Xanatos looked penitent, offering a guilty smile. "I...uh...I was meditating and then I ran in to Anna and Theos," the younger man explained. "I guess we were so busy talking," he shrugged, "well...I apologize for not realizing the late hour, Master."
Qui-Gon ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. "Xanatos, I've been worried, sick about you. You've never stayed out this late without letting me know."
"I apologize, Master. It was very irresponsible of me. But really, I'm a grown man. I know. I know...I'm still your responsibility, but Master, I am eighteen."
Qui-Gon rolled his eyes. "Eighteen is not so grown-up, Padawan. Well, okay it is -- but there are many dangers out there and..." he struggled for a moment, searching for the right wording. "Well, I suppose as long as I am your master and you are my apprentice I will continue to worry about you."
Xanatos wasn't sure whether to be angry at the 'not so grown-up' remark, or be pleased that his master had been concerned. He smiled, "I will be certain to contact you in the future -- if a situation like this should ever arise again."
Qui-Gon stroked his beard thoughtfully. "It's just that I knew you were troubled when we last spoke and then...when I got home and you were not here...well, I guess I couldn't help but worry."
"I'm sorry, honestly, I had forgotten about that. I mean -- I did meditate on the anger I felt this afternoon. I allowed it to take over my thinking and direct my actions during the training session. I do realize that it was the anger and not The Force that guided me and that is why I lost." Xanatos searched his Master's features for some sign of approval. He knew that anger led to the dark side. It had actually felt good to let his anger take over - up unto a point. It was when he could no longer control it that he regretted ever allowing it to gain hold of his mind. "I apologized to Tristin for my inappropriate behavior."
Qui-Gon smiled and put an arm around the younger man. "I'm proud of you, Xanatos. Anger can be a very appealing emotion, especially in one's youth. I believe you really have learned a valuable lesson."
"Thank you, Master."
"You are most welcome. Now, get to bed. We have to be up early tomorrow." Qui-Gon winked and clapped his shoulder as he headed to his own room.
In the darkness of his room, Xanatos stared up at the ceiling unable to fall asleep. He was ashamed of the jealousy and ill feelings that he'd held toward little Obi-wan. He was just a little boy who had lost his parents and home. And his enthusiasm was a little addictive, he could admit to himself. Okay, the kid was sort of cute - in an annoying kind of way.
But, he was troubled by more than that. He'd been surprised to find his master waiting up for him and then he'd been worried that Qui-Gon would ask questions - questions, that he was uncertain of how to answer. It was unthinkable to lie to your master and he was very thankful that it hadn't come to that. He'd been truthful when he'd said that he had been with Anna and Theos. He'd just omitted the part about the meeting.
He wondered what his master would have said if he'd told him about the secret meeting he'd attended that evening. Would he have understood? Would he forbid him to attend another? He couldn't see Qui-Gon Jinn forbidding such a thing - but in all honesty, it was possible that his master would disapprove of the meetings.
And what was to become of his home planet, Telos. Would it end up the same way as the planet they'd found Obi-Wan on? Would there be orphaned children roaming the streets, hungry and cold?
If Qui-Gon disapproved and he was forced to choose, he had no idea what choice he would make. His Master and being a Jedi, or his home planet, his heritage. Both were important to him, it seemed like an impossible choice. The one thing that could ultimately decide for him seemed unfathomable at the moment. The love he had for his master was a well-kept secret. He'd carried it with him for years, even managed to hide it from their bond. At this moment, there was possible one deciding factor -- whether or not Qui-Gon Jinn returned those feelings.
Sighing, he rolled over in his bed. He had to try and get some sleep.
Chapter three
"Oh come now, it's not like you are that far removed," Qui-Gon attempted to reason and almost immediately wished he could take the words back. Xanatos had been quite intent, especially over the past year, on proving his adulthood.
"Master! I am not exactly a child anymore!" his apprentice shot back with only slight indignation.
"Perhaps not. I apologize, sometimes I almost forget you are a grown man," he conceded with a wistful smile as they neared the crèche. "But, sometimes it can be refreshing, even as adults, to view things with a more...youthful perception."
"If you say so, Master," Xanatos agreed, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. "But, I still don't understand what could possibly be so fun about looking at fish." He knew that the picnic was purely for Obi-Wan's sake and that didn't really bother him as much as he had thought it would. Admittedly, he was pleased to be invited along.
They entered the dormitory where the youngest initiates were housed and Qui-Gon had to cover a grin when tiny Obi-Wan launched himself from across the room at the tall Jedi Master. "Master Qui-Gon!"
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, go back to where you started and walk this time," Creche Master Sarai instructed, pointing to the location where Obi-Wan had been a second ago.
Obi-Wan dutifully returned to the 'launch site' and this time walked, with only a slight bounce to his step, back to Master Qui-Gon's side. He turned and looked with wide-eyes at Master Sarai for approval, which he received in the form of a nod. "Okay, go on," she finally laughed, shooing them toward the door.
Obi-Wan tugged excitedly on the tall Jedi's hand, pulling him along. "You came! You really came! We're really going to the garden! Belin Horas said you wouldn't come, but I knew you would because you said that you would and I was well behaved, Master Qui-Gon, I didn't sneak away and I ate all my food and listened to my teachers and Master Sarai..."
"Slow down, little one!" Qui-Gon said mildly. "Of course I came, I gave you my word, didn't I?"
Obi-Wan nodded. "I knew you would."
"Good," Qui-Gon remarked. "I'm glad you didn't let Belin Horas upset you this time."
"If I may?" Xanatos broke in. "Who is Belin Horas?"
Pursing his lips, Obi-Wan studied Xanatos for a long moment before answering. "He's a boy and he doesn't like me and he tries to make me mad so I get in trouble, but I didn't get mad this time...well, maybe a little mad, but I let my mad go into the force just like Master Qui-Gon said and I didn't do anything bad and I didn't hit anyone!" Obi-Wan explained with utter sincerity.
"You didn't hit anyone?" Xanatos asked, glancing from Obi-Wan to his Master in confusion.
Obi-Wan shook his head.
"I'll explain later," Qui-Gon whispered.
When they entered the Serendipity Garden, Obi-Wan dashed for the stream, stopping a little too close to the edge of the bank and flailing his arms in an attempt to balance.
"Obi-Wan!" Xanatos lunged without thinking and grabbed hold of the tot. "Be careful, you just about fell in." For a moment the apprentice was taken aback by his reaction. Why should he care whether the little pest fell in or not? But then he decided that a wet kid would mean even more hassles and more importantly, his master wouldn't be looking nearly as pleased with him as he looked right now.
"Good catch, Padawan," Qui-Gon murmured approvingly.
Xanatos was grateful, as always, for his master's praise. As was his way, he gave the older man a wry grin, narrowing his eyes. "You only invited me along because he's too much for you to handle by yourself!" he commented with dry sarcasm.
Qui-Gon laughed outright. "Ahh...you are perceptive, my apprentice! I admit that it takes more than just one person to keep up with him." With that comment, they turned to find Obi-Wan had managed to crawl beneath a small Piney tree, all that was visible to the older Jedi were two small legs sticking out from the beneath the branches.
"I think we'd better bring more help next time, Master," Xanatos only half-joked as he reached down and pulled the boy out by his feet. "Whatever are you doing down there, Obi-Wan?"
"Hopper Bug," Obi-Wan stated as if that explained it all. He scrambled in an attempt to get back under the tree, but this time found himself being scooped up by the tall Jedi Master.
"Are you hunting our noon meal?" Qui-Gon teased, brushing the needles and collected debris from the child's clothing.
"Yuck! Can we go swimmin'?"
"I think not," Qui-Gon replied quickly and set the child on the ground. "Master Sarai would most certainly have us all sitting in a certain room for that offense!"
While the older Jedi sat nearby on a blanket they had laid out for their picnic, Obi-Wan poked around in the sand with a stick. Upon noticing that the food was ready, he cautiously approached his two companions. "Want to see what I can do?" he asked hopefully, with a twinkle of mischief in his eye.
"Is it dangerous?" Qui-Gon questioned warily, recognizing the expression.
Obi-Wan shook his head.
"Does it involve flying sand, getting wet...or Hopper Bugs?" Xanatos asked, serious for the most part.
"No!" the child giggled.
"All right, show us what you can do then," Qui-Gon encouraged.
Obi-Wan stared intently at the plate of fruit that had been set on the picnic blanket. His features expressed deep concentration, which looked almost comical on such a tiny boy.
Both Qui-Gon and Xanatos watched, their attention focusing back and forth between the child and whatever he was looking at on the blanket. Suddenly, a red spherical shaped fruit wobbled and then slowly rolled off of the plate.
Qui-Gon gasped and looked sharply at Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan, how did you do that?"
Obi-Wan shrugged and turned his attention back to the plate of fruit.
"Where did you learn to do that?" The child was much too young to be able to move things with his mind. "Obi-Wan?"
At Qui-Gon's words, the boy's concentration was broken, but he smiled shyly, still pleased with himself. "I watched the older children do it and I tried and I could just do it!"
"Obi-Wan, you are too young to be using The Force like that," Qui-Gon admonished gently. "Does Master Sarai know about this?"
"Nuh-uh," he replied, at the same time rubbing his forehead. "It makes my head hurt a little, but it'll go away."
Qui-Gon pulled the child down next to him and placed a hand on Obi-Wan's forehead. "Promise me that you won't do that again."
"Okay, I promise," Obi-Wan whispered, closing his eyes. The Master's hand felt soothing on his aching forehead and it was making him feel sleepy, but he didn't want to sleep.
"When you are a bit older," Qui-Gon continued in a calm voice, "the teachers will train you properly on how to use your mind and The Force for such purposes. Then it will be all right for you to move objects, but not until that time."
"Okay. I'm sorry, Master Qui-Gon."
"I know you are," he replied quietly, sending a wave of energy.
Obi-wan opened his eyes, looking happily surprised. "It's all better!"
In silence, Xanatos watched the exchange between his master and the young boy. He was relieved that the most of the bad feelings he had previously harbored towards the boy were diminished, but he still felt a twinge of something distasteful that he couldn't quite define at seeing his Master's attention being focused on the boy.
His thoughts wandered back to the meeting that had taken place two nights before. War was breaking out on his home planet. The two factions had each made a plea to the Jedi Council for help, but the Council had decided for the time being to remain neutral.
A group of former citizens and sympathizers, Jedi masters as well as a few older apprentices met in private to discuss the situation. No conclusions were drawn, nothing planned, just a meeting to discuss their concerns.
He wondered again what his master would think if he found out that his apprentice had attended the meeting. Jedi were no longer considered citizens of their home planets. Their allegiance was to be always and only to the Jedi Council and The Force. It wasn't as if he were being a traitor, just by attending the meeting, he justified to himself. Still, it bothered him; he didn't like hiding things from his master.
"Is something troubling you, Xanatos?" His master's voice brought him out of his contemplation.
"No Master. Just thinking." He looked at Obi Wan who sat comfortably in his Master's lap. A day ago, he might have felt outright jealousy toward Obi-Wan. But now, looking at the urchin's messy face and shirt, he could only laugh. "Obi-Wan, has any of your food actually made it in to your mouth or have you decided to simply wear it instead?"
"It's juicy," the boy replied, nodding sagely and taking another bite out of a dark purple pulumfruit. Xanatos watched with a bemused smile as the juice dripped down Obi-Wan's chin onto the front of his tunic. He wiped his chin with his sleeve as any respectable four-year-old would. "Oops."
"Master, we may have to throw him in the stream after all."
"Yes, I see that," Qui-Gon agreed with a patient smile, looking down at his own tunic. He held up a sleeve containing several, very small, purple smudges. "You may have to throw me in as well, Padawan."
Xanatos chuckled and took a bite of a much less juicy piece of fruit. Watching Obi-Wan, he couldn't help but wonder about the children on his home planet. Obi-Wan had been an orphan of war and most likely there would be many such children on his planet, Telos.
It bothered him that the Council did not take action, but he had to trust in their wisdom. They were not known for making rash decisions. He had been back to Telos, twice. He had met with his parents; he knew them, which was unusual for a Jedi. Most initiates arrived at the temple at such a young age that they grew up never knowing their parents. It wasn't forbidden to have contact with one's family, but it wasn't common.
Xanatos had been discovered when he was five and therefore, he did have memories of his parents. Qui-Gon had allowed him to visit with them on the two occasions that they had been traveling in the vicinity. His master had a good heart, was very wise and always in tune with the 'Living Force'. He would never have denied his padawan such a reunion and their bond had actually been strengthened by the ordeal.
"You seem to have a lot on your mind, Padawan." Qui-Gon's gentle voice again brought him back to the present.
"Yes, Master," he answered, hoping that Qui-Gon wouldn't press him for details. He wasn't looking forward to the possibility of having to betray his master with lies and he wasn't ready, at least not at this moment, to confront the issues of love or allegiance.
"Well, are you ready to get back?"
Getting back, he was ready for. Xanatos looked down at the now sleeping form of Obi-Wan. "Looks like someone had a little too much excitement today."
"I could use a rest, myself," Qui-Gon remarked, standing with the child in his arms. "If we don't get moving, I fear I'll soon be napping alongside Obi-Wan."
Xanatos folded the blanket and put it in the carrier with the food that Qui-Gon had already packed up. "Maybe when Master Sarai sees the condition of Obi-Wan's tunic, she'll order us all to take naps?" the apprenticed mused.
"Hmm...do you think so?" Qui-Gon asked hopefully.
"Or she could make us do the laundry."
"Maybe you should take Obi-Wan back and I'll meet you in the training room."
At the mention of his name, Obi-Wan roused momentarily and wrapped his arms tightly around Qui-Gon's neck in a death grip. He was not letting go.
"Or maybe not."
Chapter four
"Tonight, same time and place as the last meeting," the auburn haired girl whispered as she pulled on her boot. She stood up and watched as two other apprentices exited the room, before leaning close to Xanatos. "There have been some new developments that we must discuss. You're going to be there right?"
"I'll be there if I'm able, Anna."
The girl nodded. Being an apprentice, she understood that Xanatos's schedule was ultimately decided by his master. "Make something up. Say that you have a date."
"I will not lie to my master."
"Xan," she said firmly, looking him directly in the eyes, "this meeting is very important. Besides, it wouldn't really be a lie." With that, she kissed his cheek and left the changing room.
"Women." Blushing, he shook his head in exasperation. A few years ago, he'd have done just about anything to impress Anna -- except lie to his master. That was asking for more than he felt comfortable to give.
"But I want to go see the fish," Obi-Wan stated weakly.
"But you're sick. You can't go anywhere today," Qui-Gon Jinn explained patiently, wiping the fevered brow with a cool cloth.
"I don't wanna be sick," the boy complained with a scowl.
"Well, nobody wants to be sick," the Jedi Master attempted reasoning with the unreasonable child. "But, if you stay in bed and be a good boy, you'll be better in a few days and then we will go see the fish."
"I don't wanna stay in bed. I'm not sleepy." The endearing scowl was momentarily interrupted by a huge yawn. "You promise?"
"I promise." Qui-Gon's fingers traced feather light patterns over Obi-Wan's forehead and eyebrows and the relaxing sensation was making it nearly impossible for the boy to keep his eyes open. "That's it..." Qui-Gon encouraged softly, "close your eyes and rest, little one."
"Hot," Obi-wan mumbled drowsily and tried to push away the covers.
"Shh..." Qui-Gon placed a gentle hand on the boy's forehead. "Sleep."
The child had no choice but to obey.
When he was certain that Obi-Wan was asleep, he straightened the blanket and finally stood up. He'd been sitting next to the bed for hours, but still found it hard to tear himself away. Obi-Wan had caught a viral infection. The virus was relatively harmless to older children and adults, but could linger for months and be very dangerous for one as small as Obi-Wan. For that reason, he was placed in the Healer's wing of the temple, so that they would be able to keep a close watch on him.
Qui-Gon stood beside the bed watching the tiny boy's chest rise and fall. The frown that had adorned his usually cheerful little face had finally been brushed away by the Jedi Master's soft touch.
He'd been finishing his morning meal when he'd suddenly felt Obi-Wan's distress in his mind. He and Xanatos had come to the crèche shortly after to find that the child had taken ill. Qui-Gon had chosen to stay with Obi-Wan for a while, sending Xanatos to the training facility.
"How's he doing?" The soft voice of Healer Danyah broke Qui-Gon's reverie.
"Well, he's finally sleeping."
"That's probably the best thing for him right now. That and having you here," she said smiling. "I was impressed with the way you kept him so calm. He was pretty upset about having to be here."
"Is he going to be all right?"
Danyah rechecked Obi-Wan's life signs and rested her hand on his forehead for a minute. "He's a strong boy and strong in the Force - very strong in the Force for one so small. We'll have to keep him here for a few days, but I expect he'll recover quickly," she answered with a reassuring smile.
Qui-Gon relaxed marginally and returned the healer's smile. "Thank you, Danyah. I have to meet with the Council shortly. Uhhh...if the boy should happen to wake, would you be so kind as to assure him that I will be back this evening to visit with him?"
"Of course, Master Jinn," the healer replied. "I suspect he will sleep for quite awhile though."
Qui-Gon studied the small child for a few moments longer. "Then I will leave him to your care," he said and turned to exit. "Would you...uhhh...if anything should..."
"We'll call you if the need arises."
The Jedi Master nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Danyah."
Master Qui-Gon Jinn stood before the Jedi Council. It was unusual, but not unheard of, that the Council had requested his presence alone -- and not that of his apprentice.
"You will depart in two days for Telos. The situation there is very unstable and you must be on your guard at all times," Mace Windu instructed. "Trust no one, Qui-Gon. The Force is your only ally."
Qui-Gon wanted to question the wisdom of sending he and his apprentice on this mission, but knew better than to do so. Of course the Council was aware of his padawan's connection to the planet. To question them would be an insult to the Council, as well as his padawan.
"Troubles you, this mission does?" Yoda spoke up, as usual sensing his former apprentice's inner anxiety.
"Yes, Master. I admit that I am concerned for my apprentice."
"You may turn down the mission if that is your wish," Ki-Adi-Mundi pointed out. "If you are concerned that your apprentice would be unable to withstand the difficulties that you may encounter."
"No," Qui-Gon answered quickly. "That's not it. I have no doubt in Xanatos or his loyalty. It's true that it could be uncomfortable, but I am confident in his ability. We will accept the mission."
"A test for you, I sense this mission is," Yoda spoke up again thoughtfully. "A test for your padawan, I sense as well. May the Force be with you, Qui-Gon Jinn."
Qui-Gon bowed before the Council. "Thank you, Masters."
"I still do not understand why we cannot support the side of the people? They are fighting against a government that unrightfully taxes them and uses most of the people's earnings to pay for their own luxuries -- while the children go hungry," Xanatos speculated as he studied the data in front of him.
"Padawan, you are only looking at one side," Qui-Gon explained patiently. "The leaders of Telos insist that the money has been misappropriated by someone within their own government. They accuse a former member of the planet's treasury council who is now one of the leaders of the opposition."
Xanatos nodded. "So we must remain neutral and observe...until we figure out who is telling the truth?"
Qui-Gon smiled wistfully. "We must observe and report back to the Council. It is not up to us to decide who is right or wrong, Padawan."
"I see," Xanatos replied. Looking slightly troubled, he shut down his data pad and stretched. "It's time for evening meal, Master. I'm starving."
"You go ahead. I think I will go over this information a bit longer and then I'm going to check on Obi-Wan."
"Okay, tell him I hope he gets well soon. Ummm...Master?"
"Yes, Xan?"
"I may be late tonight. I'm going to meditate on our upcoming mission...and then I have a...a date, well, sort of, not really a date," the apprentice blushed and looked down at the floor.
Qui-Gon looked up from his work, smiling expectantly.
Xanatos cleared his throat, looking very uncomfortable. "Well, it's...I'm just meeting with Anna. It isn't a date."
"Hmmm...I see. Alright, just be mindful of the time -- don't stay out too late."
"I won't. I'll see you later. Thank you, Master." Xanatos grinned and left the master alone with his studying.
Qui-Gon fixed himself a small meal and ate while going over the information he had been given on Telos and its infrastructures, customs and population. After reading up on the tumultuous situation, he highly regarded the Council's advice to be wary of each side. He couldn't help the feeling that tugged at the back of his mind -- that the planetary government was the one being wronged. He knew that his apprentice had the same type of feeling, only his favored the opposition and that bothered the Jedi Master more than he could say.
A wave of discomfort suddenly passed over him and he knew immediately that Obi-Wan had woken. He put the material he'd been researching aside, stood and stretched. "I'm coming, little one."
"I'm not hungry." The statement was punctuated with a scowl and arms folding stubbornly across a tiny chest.
"If you don't eat, you won't get better as quickly," Healer Danyah kindly informed the small boy.
"I don't like it."
"Have you ever tried it, Obi-Wan?" she asked patiently.
"It smells funny." A deeper scowl.
"How are you feeling?" The tall Jedi Master spoke from the doorway.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan squealed from the bed, his face lighting up.
"He's being stubborn and won't eat his dinner," the healer said, narrowing her eyes at the child.
"It's Frothil soup!" Obi-Wan whispered loudly with an expression of alarm.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon chuckled as he neared the bed, "Frothil soup is good for you. It will help you get better."
"You said it was icky and it smells bad."
Qui-Gon looked slightly embarrassed and gestured toward the bowl that Danyah held. "Why don't you let me try?"
"He's all yours!" she exclaimed, standing up and placing the bowl in the master's hands. "Good luck."
They watched the healer exit the small room and then Qui-Gon sat down in the chair. "You're looking much better."
"I want to go back to the crèche. I don't' wanna stay here."
"Yes, I know. But, you need to stay here until you get a little bit better. If you eat some of this soup, that will help things along."
Obi-Wan frowned, pressed his lips tightly together and shook his head.
Qui-Gon thought for a moment. "Okay...how about this... I take a bite first and then you take a bite?"
The boy looked hesitant, but after a moment he nodded.
"Okay...well, here goes." Qui-Gon schooled his features to be sure that his distaste was not clearly evident. He took a deep breath, holding it and finally placed a spoonful of the horrid liquid into his mouth and swallowed quickly. With a somewhat sickly smile, he said, "yum," and dipping the spoon back in the bowl he offered the next bite to Obi-Wan.
The boy stared at the dark green contents on the spoon and with a last glance at Qui-Gon, he closed his eyes and opened his mouth --prepared for the worst.
As soon as the spoon passed his lips, he opened his eyes and smiled. "Mmm! It is good!"
"You mean...you like it?" Incredulously.
Obi-Wan nodded enthusiastically and opened his mouth for another bite.
At this point, the Jedi Master could no longer hide his distaste. "You really like it?" The boy nodded again, so with a shrug, Qui-Gon fed him another spoonful.
Several bites later, Obi-Wans stomach made an ominous sound and he hurriedly covered his mouth with both hands.
"Oh no..." Looking around the room, he managed to grab the small wastebasket from the floor beside him and get it into Obi-Wan's line of fire, just in time for the dark green Frothil soup's reappearance.
"Xanatos, you have to do what your heart tells you to." The girl brushed a lock of auburn hair to the side of her forehead and looked meaningfully into his eyes. "He is your father and he needs your help."
"Yes, but Anna...as a Jedi, we must uphold the Code. My...our loyalties should be to the Jedi. It is wrong to have other allegiances. We cannot fight for these people if the Council forbids it."
"Xan! These people are your flesh and blood! What if the Council chooses to do nothing? Are you just going to allow them all to die?" She placed her hands on each side of his face, looking deeply into his eyes. "If the Jedi stand back and refuse to intervene, innocent people...children...will die! That is all wrong, Xanatos! You have to know that."
"I don't think I like Frothil soup anymore," Obi-Wan murmured, trying very hard to keep his eyes open.
Qui-Gon thought to himself that if he never had to look upon the awful stuff again, it would be too soon. "Close your eyes and go back to sleep, little one."
Obi-Wan didn't have the energy to argue. "Promise you won't go away without saying good-bye?"
"I promise, Obi-Wan. We don't leave for Telos until the day after tomorrow, so I will have time to visit with you before then. Okay?"
The child nodded, rapidly losing the battle to stay awake. "I think..."
Qui-Gon smiled and smoothed the hair back from the boy's forehead. "You think what, little one?"
"I think..." he started again with a look of disconcert, "I'll be sad when you go away." With a yawn, he finally gave up the battle and closed his eyes.
"I'll miss you too, Obi-Wan."
"Well, you're home early," Qui-Gon remarked, looking up from his data-pad as his apprentice came through the door.
"Master, we need to talk," the young man stated, frowning as he hung his long robe next to another. "I need to tell you something and...ask you something, very important."
Qui-Gon put down his data-pad, patted the couch next to him, but Xanatos simply smiled and began to pace, frustration and uncertainty written all over the young man.
He'd gone over this many times over the past years, but never imagined the circumstances being like this. He'd always imagined a calm and peaceful atmosphere when he would finally say the words he'd been longing to say and then his master would admit to having the same feelings and...everything was supposed to be perfect.
"Padawan, sit down." The calming voice broke him from his contemplation.
"Yes, Master." He knelt down in front of his master, thinking it was now or never.
"Xan, I can tell you're distraught over something," Qui-Gon said, looking him in the eye with concern. "You know that whatever it is, you can tell me."
And so he did; he let it all spill out and it felt so good to finally let it go. He told his master that he loved him, that he wanted him; that he had for what seemed like forever. But when he worked up the courage to look into the deep blue eyes -- the eyes he looked to for strength and calm and approval he saw nothing of what he had hoped for. Instead, he saw pity and sympathy and doubt.
So, rather than admit defeat gracefully, he began a diatribe on his maturity, the assuredness of his feelings and the fact that relationships between masters and apprentices were not unheard of and he kept talking -- unwilling to imagine the possibility that his master simply did not return his feelings, until finally Qui-Gon put a hand up to halt what was quickly turning into pathetic, mindless rambling.
"Padawan," he said. "This is not the time. We have an important mission coming up. Our focus needs to be on the mission, we will have time to discuss this afterwards."
"But, Master, you don't understand! It is the perfect time. It has to be. I need to know now."
Qui-Gon hesitated, his brow furrowed in deep thought. Finally, he looked up at his apprentice, placed a steadying hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Xanatos, but I cannot return your feelings now -- not at this moment."
Xanatos shrunk away, deflating in misery. "Yes, Master."
"I'm not saying that sometime in the future things won't change," Qui-Gon continued, "but for now...we cannot do this. I cannot do this."
Qui-Gon would not allow this to disrupt the mission ahead; he would not rush this conversation. They were Jedi first and foremost and Xanatos needed to learn that. He also needed to learn patience. The master could only hope the feeling in his gut, that this was all a test of some sort -- an ultimatum -- was wrong.
"I apologize, Master. I will not bring it up again." Xanatos stood then and smiled sadly, before heading to his room.
Once again, Xanatos stared up at the ceiling of his room. He really needed to get some sleep, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had a good night's sleep.
He was so confused. He didn't think he'd ever felt so mixed-up in his entire life. His master hadn't actually rejected him -- forever. Everything wasn't totally hopeless, was it? Or was his master just putting off the rejection until after the mission? Maybe Qui-Gon was simply putting off the rejection for his own purposes, wanting to be sure that his apprentice would remain faithful to the Jedi and not turn on him or be tempted to become sympathetic with the oposing faction on Telos.
Telos. Could Anna and the others be right? Was it possible that the Jedi Council thought Telos too insignificant to become involved in the planet's affairs? Would Qui-Gon condone such a thing? If so, what did that say about the Jedi, his own master and The Council and everything he believed in?
He'd always dreamed of being a Jedi Knight, but should flesh and blood more important than boyish dreams?
His head was pounding, which made things all that much more difficult to sort in his mind. If he went along with what the others were planning, he'd have to betray The Council, his training...his master. But, if The Council was wrong...that would justify his betrayal...wouldn't it?
Chapter five
The transport to Telos was crowded, which surprised Xanatos since he knew that the planet was on the verge of war. His home planet was small, rich in mineral and agricultural resources and had been ruled by the same government for many years.
In recent years, however, an opposition party had been formed and now, the government was suspected of inappropriate use of the funds. The citizens had been taxed outrageously, supposedly to help repair the failing economy. Still the people were being charged phenomenal prices for necessities, many were going hungry and money continued to mysteriously 'disappear'.
Xanatos wondered how his parents were doing with the planet in a state of emergency. They had been wealthy industrialists the last time he had visited. He hoped to have an opportunity to see them on this mission, to make sure they were all right.
He looked at his master, seated next to him and smiled in spite of the ill feeling he got when he thought of their conversation the evening before last. When he'd woke-up yesterday morning, his master had treated him the same as always. No wariness or withdrawal as he had feared.
Xanatos had concluded that it was impossible to make the dreaded life altering decision in advance. He would simply have to wait and see what happened. See what his heart and mind told him. Take one moment at a time.
Qui-Gon was leaning back against the seat, his eyes closed in meditation. Xanatos decided that meditation was probably a good idea and so he took a deep, cleansing breath and closed his eyes as well.
Qui-Gon opened one eye and peered over at his apprentice. The youth was either asleep or in meditation and was in need of both, so the Jedi master allowed himself to relax again. He thought back to the evening before when he'd visited Obi-Wan in the infirmary. The young boy had been sad that he and Xanatos were going away, but at the same time he was excited about being released the next day.
Qui-Gon had to wonder if Obi-Wan would have been more upset, if he'd had any perception of time. When the boy had asked how long they'd be gone and Qui-Gon had answered that it would possibly be a month or more, Obi-wan had responded by asking if he was still taking him to the garden on his rest day. And when Qui-Gon broke the news that they wouldn't be able to spend that day together, Obi-Wan had pouted for a bit, but a short while later he'd been back to his good natured self. Qui-Gon had promised that they would spend the first day together after he returned and that had been good enough for Obi-Wan.
Being with Obi-Wan had distracted him, at least for a while, from his anxiety over the conversation with Xanatos. That conversation, along this mission were weighing heavily on his mind. There were so many uncertainties. He knew that his padawan was troubled, and wished he could do something to help.
This mission to Telos, the Council had told him, would be a test and he could only hope that he'd served Xanatos well as a master and that he'd taught the boy enough to be able to withstand any temptation that may arise. The dark side could be very elusive, he would have to be on his guard for himself and for his apprentice.
A buzzing sound and a flashing screen warned the passengers that the transport ship would be leaving hyperspace and soon entering the atmosphere of the planet Telos. Qui-Gon strapped himself in and nudged his apprentice who apparently had fallen asleep.
Xanatos blinked sleepily and looked around, seeming disoriented for a moment before securing his safety restraints. "We're here all ready?"
The Master smiled, "I'm glad you were able to sleep. I know you've been having a bit of insomnia lately."
The dark haired young man was surprised that his master had known about his trouble sleeping. "I've just had a lot on my mind, Master."
"I understand and I hope you know, Padawan, I am always here if you need me."
"Yes, I do know that and thank you, Master. It isn't that I don't appreciate your advice...it's just that sometimes, a man needs to try and figure things out in his own mind, you know?" He looked curiously into his master's eyes, searching for approval.
"Ahh...that I do understand," Qui-Gon smiled, "but, if you need me -"
"Thank you, Master."
The ship lurched as it entered the planet's atmosphere and Xanatos smiled wryly and looked up at Qui-Gon. "How do you always manage to get us on these old buckets?"
"It wasn't me this time, my sarcastic apprentice," Qui-Gon chuckled. "This time you can thank the Council. They only sent me the itinerary, I had nothing to do with choosing the transportation."
"I'll have to remember to thank them."
The ship lurched again, but finally slowed and after coasting for several minutes Qui-Gon and Xanatos could see the landing bay through the window.
Xanatos was feeling almost giddy with expectation. It had been a very long time since he'd last been here. He was also thankful for the distraction. He hated to think of the misery he would have felt, if he'd been stuck in the temple after his master had rejected him -- even if it was temporarily.
They sat back and waited, allowing most of the crowd of passengers to exit before them. When they made it out of the transport, both Jedi were extremely surprised by the party that met them.
"Xanatos!" a shout came from across the terminal.
"Oh my..." Xanatos looked shocked for a moment and looked up to see that his master was equally shocked. A tall, silver-haired man, dressed in an elegant robe stood before them with his arms extended in greeting. A rather large entourage stood just behind the man, each dressed very nicely, looking very well-to-do. Well, thought Xanatos, the planet's dire circumstances had obviously not affected everyone.
The man moved toward the two Jedi, with a huge smile on his face. The small crowd of strangers followed him, keeping a very slight distance behind. "Xanatos, my son!"
"Father!"
"It is so good to see you. I have missed you, my son," he said wistfully. "Look how you've grown! You're a man!" He pulled Xanatos into a firm embrace and then as if suddenly remembering the Jedi Master's presence, he released his son and extended a hand. "Master Jinn. Welcome to Telos!"
Taking the man's hand in his own, Qui-Gon bowed respectfully. "Crion. It's an honor." Qui-Gon met the other man's eyes; they seemed cold and unfeeling in spite of his smile -- something he'd noticed the first time they'd met.
"Thank you for bringing my son to me," Crion said in a low voice as he put an arm around Xanatos and began ushering them toward the exit. "You will be staying with us, won't you?"
"Thank you, but actually we were to meet with an Ambassador Kluge," Qui-Gon stated, looking around the now nearly vacant terminal. "I don't see him, though."
Crion stopped and the smile vanished from his face. "The old government exists no longer. We have formed a new government, one that will take care of its people. The former Prime Minister and all of his party have fled Telos. They have taken refuge on the planet Sagari, for the time being."
"I see. Well...we were not informed of this development," Qui-Gon said coolly, but with diplomatic politeness. He knew it would not be a good idea at the present time, to show any mistrust or to seem the slightest bit accusatory of the new government.
"I apologize for our deception, but the truth is...we need your help, Master Jinn. The people of Telos need your help and if we would have told you the truth, you most likely wouldn't have come."
Qui-Gon wasn't certain how to respond. He had the sudden urge to grab his padawan, get back on the transport ship and get away from the planet as quickly as possible. Instead, he took a calming breath and regained control of his emotion. "Well, we are here now. But, I am curious, Crion, in what way do you need our help? If you have already assumed control of the government what do you request of us?"
"We will speak more of this later, Master Jinn. For now, you are our guests and there is a celebration going on! The people have won an important victory and my son is back! We have much to be thankful for."
The Jedi Master followed Crion and Xanatos from the terminal. The entourage followed behind him. He thought it wise to be cooperative for the moment. He would have to wait and figure out exactly what was going on later.
Creche Master Sarai counted her pupils as they passed her on their way back to their dorm. Only nine? Where was.... "Obi-Wan!" She turned just in time to catch the tiny, golden haired figure tiptoeing away in the opposite direction.
The boy stopped dead in his tracks.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, you get back here this instant!" She stood with her hands on her hips; her features expressing extreme displeasure and watched the boy reluctantly make his way back. "Just where did you think you were going?"
"Nowhere."
"Nowhere, huh?"
The boy shook his head, not looking up at the woman.
"Maybe I need to have you meditate on how the act of dishonesty is unbecoming of a Jedi?"
"I wanted to see if Master Qui-Gon was back yet," he said after a moment of hesitation.
"Obi-wan, Master Qui-Gon promised you he would come and see you when he got back, didn't he?"
The boy sighed and nodded.
"And if I'm not mistaken, you made a promise to him as well, didn't you?"
Obi-Wan nodded again.
"And what was that promise?"
"Umm...I promised I wouldn't wander off all by myself and go looking for him anymore," he said and then, biting his lip, he looked up at her with tear filled eyes. "But, I miss him."
"I know you do, Obi-Wan," she got down on one knee in front of him, "I'll bet he misses you too. But Jedi Knights must go on missions from time to time and sometimes they have to be gone for a long time. Master Qui-Gon will be home as soon as he is able, Obi-Wan. All we can do is wait."
"But when will he come home?"
"Obi-Wan, we just discussed this last night," she told him patiently, adding in her own mind -- And the night before...and the night before that...and the night before that....
"But it's been so long and I can't feel him," he tapped one finger on the side of his head, "and I'm afraid."
The Creche Master pulled Obi-wan into a hug. "I know it's been a long time, little one."
Obi-Wan sniffed and pushed himself away from her, barely able to contain his tears. "Don't call me that!"
"Oh..." Sarai thought for a moment and then smiled sympathetically. "I apologize, Obi-Wan and I understand that you're feeling frustrated, but you can't be disrespectful toward others. That won't make anything easier, in fact it will make things even more difficult."
With a frown, the small boy wiped roughly at his eyes, looking everywhere but at the crèche master.
"I think maybe a nap is in order," she said decisively. "Then, maybe when you wake up, things will look a little better." Taking his little hand, she walked him back to the crèche.
"Xanatos, we need you! You're the only one who can figure out how to arm the weapon," Anna told him very seriously. "You could probably do it in your sleep, but none of the rest of us has that expertise."
"But...I don't understand, Anna. We've won. The new government is in control. Why do we need to need to destroy an entire planet?"
"Listen to me carefully. The old Prime Minister, the old government...they are all on Sagari right now, as we speak, plotting to retake Telos! What do you think they will do to those of us who survive their attack? They will kill us all and you know it! For the rest of the people, well, things will be even worse than they were before." She grabbed a hold of his arms, a look of determination in her eyes. "Xanatos...think of what they did to your mother. Think of your father! He's fought so hard for us and you know he will be the first to die!"
Xanatos couldn't bear to think of his mother. She was missing, but nobody knew for sure what had become of her. Anna was assuming the worst and Xanatos wasn't sure he was ready to do that. He was so uncertain of everything that was happening.
Anna, along with a handful of other Jedi had gone so far as to betray the Council and come to Telos against orders. She had given up being a Jedi, after all of her years of training. All of them had rejected the Jedi Order.
Anna had explained to him simply that -- some things in life were bigger and more important than being a Jedi. That the Jedi Council was not infallible. She told him that they believed they were being directed by The Force to help and protect their planet and their people and that she believed The Force was not with the Jedi Council.
Xanatos wanted to believe her, wanted to feel her conviction. When she spoke of their home, their victory and plans, it made his heart fill with pride. He felt proud of his father and all of his accomplishments. He liked having the feeling of being 'home' since he'd arrived on Telos. His father had welcomed him and made him feel important and showed him the meaning of family. Now, his father wanted him to stay and have a place in the new government. Maybe Anna was right and the Force had led them to this very place in time.
There was one uncertainty though, one thing -- one person -- he would give up blood ties, family and this home for. If it were possible for him to ever have any future with Qui-Gon Jinn, he would gladly give up everything else.
But, that was all but hopeless now. Qui-Gon had been imprisoned for conspiring with the old government. Xanatos, himself, had caught his master communicating with the former Prime Minister. He hadn't wanted to betray his master, had even given him a chance for escape -- an ultimatum.
Qui-Gon refused to be subject to the ultimatum and had been sent to a cell. After only a matter of days in the jail, he had been helped to escape and was now, as far as they knew, on the nearby planet of Sagari.
Xanatos knew that he would never forget the look on his master's face when he had revealed to his father that the Jedi master had been consorting with the enemy. He'd acted in a moment of anger and immediately regretted the action, but he couldn't undo what had already been done.
The more he thought about things, the stronger his resolve became. He would do whatever it took to help his people -- his people -- here on Telos. He had nothing to go back to anyway.
"Obi-Wan, you have to eat," Master Sarai told him sternly. "It'll only taste worse the longer you sit here."
The other children had all ready went back to the crèche, but after several meals of Obi-Wan eating practically nothing, the crèche master had decided to make the child sit here until he finished his breakfast.
He still had not fully recovered from the virus that he'd been infected with nearly three months earlier. It had left him weakened and his immune system vulnerable. He had lost weight and the dark smudges under his eyes enhanced his pale complexion.
The boy had had his fifth birthday three days ago and a number of people, including Master Yoda, had attempted to make the day special for him. It was the first birthday party Obi-Wan had ever had, as far as he could remember. The child had been sullen and depressed for weeks now and not even a party could cheer him up.
Master Qui-Gon had expected to be gone for possibly a month and it was now going on three months. Because of the situation on Telos, the Temple was unable to contact the Master. Nobody knew what was going on -- or what circumstances had befallen Master Jinn and his apprentice.
Dejectedly, Obi-Wan sat at the table resting his chin on his small fist and staring down at the food in front of him. He wasn't hungry.
Chapter six
Qui-Gon Jinn thought back to the people who had greeted him upon his arrival on Telos, earlier that day. He had admired their patriotism, enthusiasm and determination. They had managed to shuttle him to the planet, undetected and were giving him their full cooperation, in truth, making his mission possible.
The Council's orders were for him to disable the weapon that Crion and his alliance had aimed at the neighboring planet of Sagari.
The Council still held firm in their resolve to stay neutral, but agreed that the destruction of an entire planet should be avoided, if possible. The people on Sagari were thankful for that and Qui-Gon was more than thankful for the support he was receiving from the resistance.
Still, he wasn't so arrogant as to think himself qualified to make judgment in favor of either side. Each side had their own stories to tell, their own justifications.
They'd made it by cruiser, into the city and surprisingly, all the way to the observatory without being hindered. Now, Qui-Gon Jinn stood face to face with his former apprentice. In the Jedi Master's hand, he held a minute metal chip, the chip that when inserted into the large laser weapon, that at the moment stood between he and Xanatos, could turn the now powerless piece of equipment into a deadly weapon of mass destruction.
Qui-Gon stared unrelenting at the younger man.
"Give it back," Xanatos said in a low voice.
"I cannot, Xanatos -- I will not." The Master seemed the picture of serenity -- calm and composed on the outside. He had let his anger go and he felt no fear, yet his heart, which he had been certain could be damaged no more -- was breaking all over again.
"Master...Qui-Gon, don't make me have to kill you," the younger man warned. Unlike his former master, Xanatos was nowhere near as able to control his emotions. He was angry, heartbroken and afraid. A myriad of emotions were written on his face and his hands shook noticeably.
"You must do, what you must do, but I will not give you back the chip," Qui-Gon responded calmly. "I have only one regret to carry with me if this is indeed the end."
Xanatos laughed menacingly. "Let me guess? That your padawan betrayed you? That all of your years of teaching and training him were in vain -- a waste of time? Or maybe it's simply that you failed your last mission?"
Qui-Gon had the grace to look compassionately at the young man. "No, I only regret that I failed - you."
Xanatos stood still, barely able to control himself. "It doesn't have to be like this!" he shouted and stepped around the barrier between them, placing a hand on Qui-Gon's chest. "Would it be so terrible?" he asked, breathing heavily. His trembling fingers moved to firmly caress a nipple through the thick robe and he studied the older man's reaction. "Would this be so terrible?"
Qui-Gon inhaled sharply, before turning his face away from the unwavering gaze. "Xanatos, this is not the answer."
"But, it feels good, doesn't it? You like it, I can tell." His hand moved lower, tracing circles over Qui-Gon's abdomen and hip, before finally covering his groin with a steady pressure. "Oh yeah, I can tell."
"Xan, it isn't too late. You can stop this," the master pleaded in an unsteady voice, trying to ignore his body's natural response.
"I want us to be together! But, I can't go back now," the younger man hissed, now boldly stroking his former master, encouraged by the firming erection. "We still can be together! I love you! Can't you see that? Would it be so terrible for you to love me?"
A tear escaped, trailing down Qui-Gon's cheek and finally he pulled back. "Maybe that is where I've failed you, Padawan. I have always seen strength and goodness, where others saw weakness and uncertainty." He reached up and brushed the back of his fingers across the side of the other man's face. "I was so proud of you and your accomplishments, that I allowed myself to be blind to your misgivings."
Xanatos glared at him, but he only smiled sadly, shaking his head. "I fear that my love for you has led to my failure of you. Good-bye Xanatos," he said, turning his back to his former apprentice, he walked toward the exit of large observatory.
"I can't let you leave with the chip, Master," Xanatos growled from behind.
"And I cannot let you annihilate an entire planet," Qui-Gon responded, not hesitating in his escape.
"It is our insurance against being attacked."
Qui-Gon stopped and spun around to face the young man. "Being attacked? Are you trying to fool me -- or yourself? Don't you think I know what you plan to do with this weapon?"
"It doesn't matter what you know, or what you think you know, Jedi," another voice spoke from the darkened entryway on the opposite side of the observatory. "Kill him, Xanatos."
Xanatos paled, looking back and forth from one man to the other, obviously startled by the order.
Suddenly, Qui-Gon thought that his former apprentice looked very young, very uncertain. His heart went out to him, in spite of his own dire circumstances. He wished that he could take Xanatos far away, or better yet, he wished he'd never accepted this mission.
"I said, kill him, my son." The voice was drawing nearer and Crion stepped out from the shadows, approaching the youth from behind.
Xanatos obeyed, drawing his lightsaber and it hummed to life.
With much regret, Qui-Gon nodded to his former apprentice and took his in hand as well. They stood facing each other, ready, but neither seeming able to make the first move.
A few tense moments later, with a look of bewilderment and deep regret, Xanatos turned his 'saber off and lowered his arm. "I cannot, Father."
Crion was now standing beside his son, he reached out, disarming him and igniting the lightsaber himself. He lunged for the Jedi, but even surprised, Qui-Gon was at an advantage and easily evaded the attack, stepping to the side.
"Father! Stop!" Xanatos shouted, knowing that his father was no match for a Jedi Master. He watched in horror as his father repeatedly advanced on his former master, shouting curses and accusations.
Qui-Gon could have easily killed the man, Xanatos knew that, but he also trusted that somehow the Jedi would avoid doing so. With every advance made by Crion, Qui-Gon Jinn deftly deflected or moved out of the way.
After what seemed like an eternity, Crion faltered, seeming to be worn out. Xanatos watched closely, hoping the battle was finished.
Qui-Gon didn't let down his guard, however, and a moment later when Crion attacked viciously, the Jedi Knight was forced to land a defeating blow. The lightsaber fell from Crion's hand as he crumpled to the ground. Xanatos stood nearby, horrified, as Qui-Gon knelt beside his father, checking for life.
"He's still alive, Xanatos," Qui-Gon informed the stricken young man, "but you'd better get him to the healers quickly." The Jedi stood, moving back as Xanatos approached his father.
"How could you?" he shouted accusingly at his former master in bewilderment. "How could you have done this? He's my father!"
The young man that he had devoted the last ten years of his life to; that he had nurtured, raised through adolescence, taught, trained and grown to love -- now seethed with hatred and rage toward Qui-Gon. Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon focused on the present -- on what needed to be accomplished -- temporarily casting aside all of the demons in his mind.
With one last glance at his former apprentice, he turned and strode away quickly, his long robe flowing behind.
"You'll pay for this!" The young man screamed after him with vehemence.
"Eat you must, or grow you will not," the tiny Jedi Master instructed, using the Force to pick up a spoonful of soup. "Hanger must open for Battle Cruiser to land."
Obi-Wan giggled, in spite of himself. Master Yoda was funny. Unable to resist, the small boy opened his mouth - knowing that whatever went down, would more than likely come back up again. He couldn't keep anything down today and it seemed like he had been sick forever.
Yoda blinked slowly, his ears turning forward and Obi-Wan had the overwhelming urge to touch one of those ears. He reached out with one finger, gingerly grazing the tip of the old Master's ear. Yoda allowed him to do so, even tilting his head for the boy to have access. Obi-Wan smiled, yawned and then closed his eyes.
"Home, he soon will be."
"I don't think it's a good idea, Master."
Yoda nodded, looking thoughtfully at his former padawan. "Misses you, he does," he stated firmly.
"I've been away for longer than I've known him. He's very young, soon he'll forget all about me. That would be for the best." Qui-Gon was not the same man that he had been when he left Coruscant for the mission on Telos. For three months he'd been away and his life had changed drastically. The mission had been a success, but he'd lost his apprentice; his padawan had fallen to the dark-side, swearing revenge on him.
He knew that if given time, his former apprentice could probably make another device that would activate the weapon. Xanatos was a technical genius, but at least he had retrieved the chip, giving the planet of Sagari and its inhabitants a fighting chance.
He could not face little Obi-Wan, however. Not after he'd failed his own padawan. He'd failed as a master and until he could find some semblance of peace -- if ever he could -- being involved in the young initiate's life was out of the question. The boy would be much better off this way, he justified in his mind.
"Made a choice, your padawan did. Choose it for him, you did not."
"Yes, Master, but I need to understand why? Where did I fail?"
"Teach and train them we can, choose for them, we cannot. Fail him, you did no such thing."
He contemplated his master's words of wisdom. Yoda was not known for giving platitudes, he was also not known for being a poor judge of character. Qui-Gon could almost accept his words now - almost. Maybe someday he would be able to completely, but not until he'd worked it all out in his own mind. If there was something he did wrong, something he should have done differently, he needed to know. Until then, he deemed Obi-Wan off-limits.
It had taken years for Qui-Gon Jinn to finally come to terms with his guilt, to forgive himself for any wrongdoing where Xanatos was concerned. Although, he did see Obi-Wan from time to time, he had made it clear that he wasn't interested in taking a padawan.
In the end, however, it was The Force that bound them together, making the decision for Qui-Gon. He'd accepted Obi-Wan as his padawan learner at the deadline for the boy's eligibility.
Now, after all these years, he could honestly say that it had probably been his salvation. Obi-Wan had healed old wounds that Qui-Gon hadn't even realized existed.
There was no comparison between Xanatos and Obi-Wan. Where one harbored anger, the other exuded peace. Xanatos was driven by hatred and revenge and Obi-Wan's motivation was always honorable; it was simply what he was.
Even as he knelt in meditation, he knew without a doubt that no matter what answer he would give Obi-Wan, it would not change his strength of character. He had no fear that his apprentice's response would be an honorable one.
With that thought, he realized that he could have resolved this entire dilemma easily by reading the words written in the Jedi Code.
Did he love his Obi-wan? Yes, always and forever. And now, he was as certain as he could possibly be, that Obi-wan was ready to take the next step. He wouldn't be harmed if they were to finally give themselves to one another. His feelings were genuine, healthy and mature. Nothing about him was even comparable to Xanatos.
He opened his eyes, took a deep breath, stretching his arms above his head with a smile. He felt peaceful and serene, with a dose of hopeful anticipation and he leaned over so he was face to face with his padawan. "Obi-Wan?" he said quietly and waited for the familiar green eyes to open.
He was not disappointed. The lashes fluttered and there he was, gazing into the lovely eyes -- eyes that hinted of strength and honor and always twinkling with a touch of mischief. "Yes, Master?"
Qui-Gon said nothing; instead he moved closer, brushing his lips against Obi-Wan's, lingering and reveling in an unhurried, yet no less than passion-filled kiss. When he pulled back, he met those eyes again. The same eyes, now filled with heat and desire and he knew his own were mirroring Obi-Wan's.
"I have loved you always, my Obi-Wan...and I always will."
~ the end ~