Needed

by Ms. Nawilla (ms_nawilla@hotmail.com)

Archive: on the M_A website if they actually want it.

Category: Angst, I hope, AU

Rating: R

Warnings: Not chan, but does mention that a teenage boy probably masturbates

Spoilers: No

Summary: Companion story to 'Enthusiasm' (a response to the "Are you masturbating?" Challenge).

Feedback: would be most appreciated at ms_nawilla@hotmail.com

If I should stay
Well, I would only be in your way
And so I'll go, and yet I know
That I'll think of you each step of my way
And I will always love you

-- Dolly Parton, "I Will Always Love You"

The water rained down upon him, caressingly. Like hands. Strong, but gentle, like his...

He stepped into the spray completely and let it swallow his body as the memories enveloped his mind.

Raising his face, he closed his eyes. Like lips. Kisses raining upon his face. Fluttering over his eyes, tickling in his hair, sliding down his chin to nuzzle at his neck.

A gasp as strong arms folded around him, hugging him about the chest. Warmth against his back. Strength, power, passion and serenity.

His head tipped forward, allowing the water to cascade along his shoulders, massaging away the aches there. Harsh drops drilled into the knots, pounding them into submission. Like fingers, digging in, pounding at screaming, overworked muscles until they surrendered, too exhausted to stay tense. Such skilled fingers that knew how to work his overwrought body into a state so relaxed he sometimes slipped into meditation and levitated right off the bed. Such skilled fingers that he sometimes reached a very different spiritual plane and arched off the bed, screaming, from their touch alone...

Touch.

He threw back his head, another soft gasp on his lips as he felt it. For a moment, a pulse in time, reality intertwined with memory, and a ghost of a feeling became real. He fell to his knees.

Breathing harshly, he slowly came back to himself. Blinking against the rivulets running over the top of his head and past his ears he stared down at the swirling waters bleeding away before him. His arms clenched across his chest more tightly as he noticed the pale, milky droplets slowly dissipating like the sensations that caused them. He looked up and winced at the tiles just above eye level, now marked by his still fresh semen.

Hand shaking slightly, he wiped a washrag across the wall, cleaning away the stains. With effort he unwrapped the second hand from around himself and settled into a meditative pose. The water grew cold.

"You're pathetic Kenobi." He looked down at himself, his body returning to quiescence. He hadn't even touched himself beyond the hug. 'What are you, fourteen? At this rate you're lucky you didn?t come in your pants.'

You have to get over him.

He jerked slightly as a fist pounded on the door. "I know you're probably asleep in there Obi-Wan, but the rest of us would like to use the fresher at some point this morning."

'Are you sure he didn't go down the drain?'

He heard Memeris chuckle as he scrambled for the soap. "I promise Aeris, he is much too big to fit down the drain."

He stood and carefully inspected the shower, but no evidence remained.

"But you said he was kind of short."

There was no place for you anymore.

"Trust me, he's too big." He shut off the spray and wiped his eyes. "Listen, I told you so. He was probably so tired from his mission that he forgot what to wash first." He smiled wanly at the childish giggles beyond the door and leaned over to briskly run a towel over his hair and wring the water out of his br...

It's not there anymore Kenobi. Get over it.

He bit his lip, then slowly let out a huff of air. It was time to get over it. Past time. Maybe even time for him to let Memeris set him up on one of those blind dates she was always threatening him with. Maybe . . .

Come on Kenobi. You don't want Padawan Skywalker to see some action before you do. Even as pathetic as that thought was, he had to laugh as he pulled on his robe. How old was Anakin now? Fourteen? Fifteen? Certainly old enough to be speculating about adult activities. Probably doing the same thing you just were.

Maybe even thinking of the same hands too if his preferences leaned that way.

He wiped off the mirror and looked himself over. Other than the slightly wrinkled fingers he looked normal. And wrinkled fingers were expected from a prolonged shower.

And those aren't the wrinkles you should be worrying about.

He stepped out of the refresher, the chill morning air a welcome slap in the face. The slap to his buttocks however was much less so.

"You know Kenobi, people tell me it's a lot more fun when you have a partner." Memeris smirked at his shocked expression for a good minute before taking pity on him. "Relax and pick your jaw up off the floor. You didn't make any noise."

"How . . . ?"

"I wasn't born yesterday. People usually don't shield in the refresher to clip their toenails." She smiled sympathetically as he sighed, his relief palpable. "I could always set you up you know."

He nodded. "I know."

A small head, crowned in bright red waves, peeked around the corner. "Your tea is getting cold." Your place is here now. "Can't have that now, can we?" With a smile he strode over to the kitchen. Aeris ducked back in before he entered and clambered into his chair to finish his muja and grains. Picking up the teacup, he sat down to join the child. The tea was lukewarm.

You're needed here. That's enough. It was enough then and it is enough now.

"Were you crying?" Startled, he met the boy's concerned gaze. "Your eyes are all red."

He took another sip while he considered his answer. He did not want to tell the truth but he would not lie. "The bath soap stings," he finally answered.

The boy nodded, accepting his answer. "We're going to paint with real brushes today," he announced around a mouth of cereal.

It wasn't time just yet. No, not yet, but soon. It was enough for now.

Don't talk with your mouth full Sunbeam.

For now he was needed. And it was enough.