Musings

by rebecca (amythyst@mac.com)

Archive: M_A, anywhere else just ask :)

Category: POV

Pairings: I thought of Q/O, but you can choose your own...

Rating: PG-13/R for implied content.

Warnings: implied S/M

Spoilers: Um, no, not really.

Summary: Someone's thinking about someone else.

Feedback: Please? On or offlist, I don't care, this is my first fanfic.

No one would ever expect it of you, would they? Those interests, those desires- someone else might want that, might feel the hunger that burns under your skin like fire. But not you. You're not supposed to need it the way you do, and you do such a good job of hiding it that no one else even suspects.

Except me.

But then, I have to know, don't I? I'm the one you want-the one you need, if truth be told. I'm the one you love to see, suspended from the ceiling, hanging in chains, my skin covered in sweat. Or on my back on the table, stretched and tied, almost trembling with anticipation of the next blow. No one else can give this to you-I know, and I know why. It's not just submission you want-you could get that anywhere. No, it's my submission you want. To see me kneeling before you, head bowed, waiting for whatever you decide to do to me- it's a rush like no other.

I have always been the one in control, the calm, cool one, rational and reasonable. And you adore breaking that shell. The moment I cry out for you, or the moment I stop thinking and analyzing and just feel what you're doing to me, is what you long for. You don't need to see me come, or bury yourself in my body. It's never been solely about the sex between us. It's about you being the one person who can make me lose my control, and we both know it.

I'm stronger than you, and if I truly didn't want you to restrain me, I wouldn't let you. So what does that say about me, that I willingly kneel in front of you and offer you my submission? Oh, it's not hard to figure out. I need to lose control just as you need to make me lose it. But does it make me less of an equal that I, too, crave this from you? That I need the pain, or the exquisite torment, to remind me who I am?

Were I to ask you, you'd laugh and kiss me, telling me that of course it doesn't. We each have our own ways of dealing with the pressures of life; ours just happen to complement each other beautifully. Your need for dominance ballances my need to let go. Two halves of the same whole, it feels like, whether I'm working or relaxing or making love with you. And of course you're right, and I agree with you. I'm your partner, your equal...

...except now, when I'm kneeling, wrists behind my back, waiting for you.

The anticipation in the pit of my stomach is beginning to grow, and I shiver internally. What will it be tonight?

Tomorrow, we will be back to our normal roles, and no one will ever know what has happened between us. But tonight-tonight is ours. And for now, that's all I need.