Archive: Nephente at the Gate, M_A, and others just ask first.
Summary: Angst. It is no easy letting go of your love. Obi-Wan
POV.
Feedback: Yes please. Pretty please.
I dreamed of you last night.
You were so very beautiful, your hair of smooth silvery
brown,
those intense clear blue eyes, your intoxicating spicy
scent.
My heart ached as I drank the sight of you.
You looked at me like I was
the most precious thing in the universe.
It was like the old times
me and you, together, laughing
and you kissed me.
You were soft and tender and tasted like the warm sunlight.
When I opened my eyes
I stared at the grey ceiling of my room.
My ceiling, not ours, not our bedroom.
You weren't there, you never were,
and with aching pain I know, you never will be.
The icy coldness ran over me, took over me, became me.
How I hated you.
I wish I could still.
But hate grew old, and I grew tired
and it disappeared like mist in the morning.
Pain didn't leave. It never will.
It is here in my heart, in my wretched soul, in my weak
mind.
Not the shearing pain anymore
just this terrible numbness.
I still love you.
How can I, after all you did?
After all that's happened
I still crave for you
I still dream of you.
In my dreams the pain is gone,
I am happy and content, everything is right in the world.
But when I wake up, the pain returns, worse than before.
Shredding my soul, replacing my heart, there's such a
chill.
So much worse.
At first I cursed the pain
Begged for it to stop, begged for release.
But now I know it's not the pain that's my enemy
It is the love I must get rid of.
Now I beg for the numbness to take me
I beg for the dreams to stop.
If only I could trust those old days
the memories, sweet and glorious
all the smiles and laughs and embraces,
oh how we used to talk in the night
your hair glistening in the moonlight
how you touched me under the stars.
Was it all a lie?
Just another deception, a mirage of my own mind?
How could I trust it when you tossed it all aside so easily?
Still it stings. I hear your name mentioned
and it all comes back.
I cannot forget, cannot stop listening
why do I hunger this pain of you
why do I still dream of you
There is wrongness in the world
This isn't how it was supposed to happen
This isn't how it was supposed to be.
all my trying, all my efforts, all my love
couldn't make it right
no, this one thing I couldn't fix.
All the things we did, all the worlds we saved, all the
difference we made
Was it all for vain, to become hollow by this final act of
betrayal.
It wasn't me, I know. I tried. So hard.
Was it because you didn't want to?
I always knew there isn't anything
we couldn't do together.
Was I wrong, or didn't you try?
My heart aches at the thought.
For I know, deep down, that you didn't.
You wanted it to end, wanted it that way,
you let it go, let it end, let it fall apart
left, gone, oh so gone.
If only I could too.
If only I could let you go.
Memories and desire, lingering in me
You were never the man I thought you were
Then who is it I am in love with?
If it was never real why am still in this prison?
I curse myself, I hate myself, I despise myself
Why can't I let go?
Let go
Let go
Let go
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