Master's Night Off

by Raina

Archive: yes please, M_A; nuttersinc (elsewhere ask for distribution)

Paring: Q/O

Category: Humour, Pre-Slash, Qui/Obi

Rating: PG maybe, for a little bit of language.

Disclaimer: Don't own them, never will, would like to, though. I own the Mind Healer and Qui-Gon's date, but I would much rather own our boys. Maybe George Lucas would trade? I didn't think so. You can stop calling me delusional.

Summary: Qui-Gon arranges for a night off to get some, but fails miserably, of course.

Spoilers: Nope. None that I'm aware of, anyway.

Feedback: Love it, crave it, live for it. Hey, at least I'm honest.

Warning: Qui-Gon has a date! Not with Obi-Wan! Smut-free, though, since this is from my pre-slash days. Also, Obi-Wan is under 18, but as nothing happens, I hope it's not a problem.

Notes: Mayn thanks to Tem-ve for her excellent, thorough and impressively quick beta, all remaining mistakes are mine alone.

Prologue

The Mind Healer rubbed the back of her nose. "Ok, so again, why are you two here?"

Obi-Wan jerked his head in the direction of the man next to him. "Ask him."

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow in indignation. "So this is my fault?"

"Of course this is your fault!"

"Well, I wasn't the one who drew his lightsaber!"

"If you had been honest with me, that wouldn't have been necessary!"

"But you didn't have to."

"Really, and what gave you the right to."

A loud whistle shut both the Master's and the Padawan's shouting up immediately. Both turned to Mind Healer Liral, faintly embarrassed.

Liral smiled. "So, can we settle down now and discuss this like adults? Why doesn't one of you tell me what happened and why the Council thought it necessary to send you two to a Mind Healer? Master Qui-Gon, why don't you start?"

The Jedi Master sighed. Where had all this started? Probably when he decided he needed some privacy..

The previous evening...

Qui-Gon looked in the mirror one last time and nodded, satisfied. He would do. If only he could stop shaking. He was a Jedi Master, for Force's sake, and one who was renowned for his control, none the less.

He groaned. He had faced down previously unbeatable odds in battle, but the thought of tonight set his teeth on edge. He took a few deep breaths to find his centre again. There is no fear, there is the Force.

He put on a too bright smile and walked out into the living area where his apprentice was busy packing assorted survival gear into a bag. Well, packing was a flexible term, maybe throwing was more accurate. He watched Obi-Wan for a while as his apprentice muttered curses under his breath and finished his preparations with an air of frustration.

Qui-Gon felt a twinge of guilt, but ruthlessly suppressed it before Obi-Wan picked up on it. It was too late for guilt. He had decided on this course of action and he would go through with it.

Obi-Wan put his bag down and reached for his boots. "Master, tell me again why this is necessary?"

He sighed, "We've been through this, Obi-Wan, night survival simulation is something every Padawan has to do."

That was true, at least. Only, Obi-Wan had already done it once and technically, he wasn't required to do it again, but the records of his first try had been mysteriously mislaid, and so he had to do it again. Qui-Gon shuddered to think how much Tiderian brandy he owed Mace Windu for that.

Obi-Wan groaned in frustration. "I know, I know. Patience. It won't harm me to do it again, and at least this time Bant will be with me. I should look at it positively, I get to spend some time with Bant."

Qui-Gon smiled. That was more like it. Immediately, he felt less guilty. After all, his Padawan needed some bonding time with his friend, it would be good for both of them.

"Just too bad it has to be so cold while I'm doing that." Obi-Wan muttered. There it was again. Qui-Gon knew how much his Padawan hated the cold. It wasn't really fair to do this to him. But still, the thought of discussing his own plans for the night with an emotionally highly sensitive and altogether much too curious sixteen-year-old was inconceivable for Qui-Gon, so what choice did he have?

He came back to the present when he realised Obi-Wan was staring at him. "Master, are you all right?" the Padawan asked with concern. "You seem to be a little on edge. And you're very red in the face. Do you feel all right?"

Qui-Gon could almost hear Obi-Wan mentally dismissing the thought that his Master could be blushing. Qui-Gon Jinn did not blush. Oh, how he wished his apprentice was right.

Pushing aside his embarrassment, his nerves and pangs of conscience, he was able to assume a calm air and reassure Obi-Wan, "Of course, Obi-Wan, I'm perfectly fine. You should better go, you're going to be late."

Obi-Wan nodded and sighed, "Well, Master, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Have a good night."

Your word in the ears of the gods, Obi-Wan. "You too, Padawan."

Qui-Gon ruffled through the teenager's hair, a gesture of affection the lad was fast outgrowing, but still tolerated, and sent him off on his exercise.

The door closed behind Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon sank against it. Finally the boy was gone. He had never been so relieved to see his apprentice leave. He couldn't have borne putting up a facade for the boy much longer.

Now he could prepare for tonight's mission, which was rather simple. Qui-Gon Jinn would get laid. And probably really drunk.

A little later that same evening.....

The food was almost ready, the candles were burning, the music programme was set, now he only waited for his guest to arrive. And he really needed to calm down. He was shaking again. Come on, Jinn, you've done this before, and taking in all accounts you're half decent at it, so calm down, get a grip and stop the bloody shaking, it's getting embarrassing. You're a Jedi, for crying out loud.

Yeah, a fine Jedi. He had sent his trusting Padawan on a completely unnecessary exercise just to get laid. So it had been a while. That didn't excuse what he had done to his Padawan, and it certainly didn't excuse his shocking lack of control over his nerves.

He lowered himself down to his knees. Maybe he had time to meditate. Just then the door-chime announced his visitor.

Maybe no time to meditate. Well, there was still the remedy men had used before they knew about the Force. Alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

He palmed open the door and greeted his guest with a smile. "Hello, Avia. How nice of you to come."

She smiled sweetly at the Jedi. "It's my pleasure. It was so nice of you to call me. I didn't think you ever would."

Her perfume was filling the small anteroom, making him dizzy. He swallowed back a lump in his throat and reinforced his mental shields. He didn't want any of what was about to transpire here this evening leaking through to his Padawan over their bond.

"So, Avia, how would you like something to drink?"

"I'd love to." She practically purred.

He started the music programme and decided to leave conscious thought outside. He poured them a little Alderaanian Whiskey and sat down on the couch next to his seductively clad guest. "So, Avia, tell me all about your news."

Several Alderaanian Whiskeys later

He was no longer nervous, he was relaxed. Avia was a really nice woman, not overly bright, but charming and obviously smitten with the Jedi. He was just telling her about his latest mission, leaving out all classified details of course, and she was listening with rapt attention, inching closer to Qui-Gon with every nod and smile.

"And what did you do then?" she breathed, practically sitting in Qui- Gon's lap by now.

"I... er, well, we... eh, tried to... calm... down... the situation.... Is it hot in here?" She was too close, definitely. But in a good way. Maybe he should just make his move now, get it over and done with. He leaned closer, which was not hard since she was practically surgically attached to him, and brought his mouth to hers.

A ripple in the Force brought him to his feet in an instant. What the Sith was that? He reached out with his senses and groaned in frustration. Apparently his unruly Padawan did not need to be physically present to muck things up. Apparently, an outburst of emotion on Obi-Wan's side had been strong enough to penetrate his shields. He quickly assured himself if the boy was all right, dropping his shields for a few moments. Qui-Gon sighed with relief. All was well, Bant had just played a trick on him and scared him.

Qui-Gon put his shields up again and quickly went back to his very disgruntled date.

"I'm sorry, Avia, it was just my Padawan. He seems to have had a little fright. But he's all right, and he won't bother us again."

Avia frowned. "What, are you telepathically connected or something?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "In a way, but I have put up shields to keep him out, so he won't bother us again."

Avia's smile returned, though it was still uncertain. "So he can't eavesdrop on us, can he?"

Qui-Gon shook his head vigorously, murmuring, "I hope to Sith he can't."

"What did you say?"

Damn. "I said dinner is ready, we should eat."

"Ah." With a gracious smile, Avia followed him to the table.

He served the food and held up a bottle, "Look, I have Naboo Spring wine."

A three-course meal and two bottles of Naboo Spring wine later.....

Well, the evening wasn't turning out so bad. His nerves had definitely evaporated now and if his vision was a little blurry and his concentration wasn't at its best, that was wholly understandable. After all, his lovely companion was sitting very close and her perfume and her presence were intoxicating.

A dry voice in his head he never managed to keep quiet for very long remarked that it might have something to do with the large amounts of alcohol he had consumed rather than with the company he was keeping. Oh, shut up, brain.

He burst out laughing, for Avia had begun to wiggle her way onto the Jedi Master's lap and her hair tickled his neck. Well, he thought, he could just as well make his move now and get it over with. He leaned in to kiss Avia, who was purring with delight.

Suddenly a searing pain shot through his body, and he jumped to his feet, dropping Avia on the ground rather informally. He immediately realised the pain was not his own. Of course, Obi-Wan and his sense of timing.

"Damn and blast, can't this boy do anything without hurting himself?" he cursed, wringing his hands and practically ignoring his date, who was sitting on the floor, consternated, her wine splattered all over her clothes.

She stood up with dignity, nevertheless, and scoffed angrily, "You know this thing with your Padawan is getting creepy."

Qui-Gon stared through her, senses intent on Obi-Wan. He could tell the boy had injured his leg, but that it wasn't serious and would heal in no time. He sighed. Well, he would have to go to the Healers as soon as his guest left.

Turning to her, he started to apologise, when a sense of proximity warned him. He stared at Avia. "Oh, Force, he's coming here."

OK, Jinn, don't panic, he told himself. There's no need to panic. Just think.

"He's going to kill me."

"Who?" Avia demanded, more than irritated by now.

He looked at her, panic written all over his features. "No time for you to leave, you must hide. I beg you, hide."

Avia by now looked at him as if he was several stars short of a galaxy, but he didn't have time to care.

"I'm really sorry about this," he said, swooped her up and carried her to the closet in the anteroom.

He opened the door and dropped her in informally, "I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you, just please be quiet. I'll smuggle you out when he's in bed."

Grumbling something unintelligible under her breath, of which Qui-Gon only caught the phrases "Jedi", "bloody nut-cases", and "never again in my life", but she nodded in agreement and stopped muttering when Qui-Gon shot her a warning glance.

One hasty clean-up sweep later......

Obi-Wan entered, one arm draped around Bant's shoulder, limping hard, almost dragging his left leg behind. Though he was in pain, one look at Qui-Gon was enough to know something very strange was going on.

Qui-Gon was immediately there to help him to the couch, but the way he practically ushered Bant out was most unusual. He looked around the room suspiciously, "What is that smell?"

Qui-Gon's look of innocence was more than enough to make Obi-Wan sure there was definitely something wrong here. "What smell?"

Obi-Wan drew in air. It smelled flowery, sweet, nice. "Perfume. And smoke, wax. Candles. And something else. Master, did you cook?"

Qui-Gon avoided his Padawan's eyes, "Well, yes, I cooked. What's so unusual about that? And so I lit a few candles, and maybe I put on some cologne, so what? It's my free time, after all, I can spend it however I like it."

Obi-Wan quickly made a mental checklist. Shapeshifter? No, definitely Qui-Gon, the Force would have told him otherwise. Mind-control? Drugs? Qui-Gon's mind seemed to be somewhat lacking in focus. "Master, are you on drugs?"

Qui-Gon scoffed, "Of course not, what a question. Is that a way to talk to your Master? Go to bed!"

A rather loud crack from the anteroom made Obi-Wan's head snap around. He stretched out with his senses and jumped, lightsaber ready and powered up in no time. He sliced through the outer wall of the closet and held his lightsaber to the intruder's throat.

When he saw who it was, he turned to his Master with an unreadable expression. "Would you care to explain this?"

Heavy drinking and sudden total embarrassment caught up with Qui-Gon all at once and he crashed back first into the couch table behind him.

Obi-Wan sighed, powered down his lightsaber and helped his Master up, leaning on the couch for support for his injured leg. "Now, say good night to your friend, and we'll have a nice long talk."

Qui-Gon swallowed. Obi-Wan's smile meant no good, he was sure of that.

Present..

"So that's why you're here, because Obi-Wan sliced through a closet and you got drunk and ruined a couch table? Well, that story certainly explains the request for furniture replacement you filed," Liral said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Well, that's not all of it." Obi-Wan admitted. "We did wind up in the Healers' wing that night."

Liral frowned. "How did that happen?"

"Well."

The previous evening,one hasty goodbye later....

"Ok, so would you care to explain?" Obi-Wan was pacing as well as he could with his injured foot.

"Well, I... sort of, ah. she just.. No, I'd rather not explain. Master's prerogative."

A cheap shot, admittedly.

Obi-Wan shot him a look of simmering anger. "All right, we can play this your way. I'll just sit here then and wait for you to tell me."

And he did. He just sat there, staring at Qui-Gon, his blue-green eyes a storm of anger and hurt feelings. Qui-Gon squared his shoulders. He could play this game as well as his Padawan could.

A bold-faced lie. While he cleared up the mess of the night and tried to get his calm together, his Padawan just sat there and looked at him, never flinching, never saying a word or making a sound, just quietly accusing Qui-Gon with his eyes and his silence.

It was hell. After an hour, Qui-Gon wished Obi-Wan would throw one of his rare temper tantrums. After two hours, Qui-Gon just wished for torture.

Finally, he did the last thing he could do. He would not give in, so he broke open the last wine bottle and drank.

Present

"So you got drunk?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, he got sloshed. He was drunk before. Did you ever try to half carry, half pull a rather tall, not to mention loudly singing, Jedi Master to the Healers' Ward with a bad leg? Oh, and in case you didn't know, Master Qui-Gon's date filed an official complaint against both of us. She said first Master Qui-Gon got her drunk and then a 'mad nut-case of a Jedi Apprentice' tried to kill her."

Qui-Gon buried his face in his hands. "You know, the way you tell it, this sounds really bad for me."

Exasperated, Obi-Wan sighed, "It IS bad for you. Why didn't you just bloody tell me? I would have left you alone with your little girlfriend."

Qui-Gon raised his head, still crimson with embarrassment, "I didn't know what to say. 'Go away Obi-Wan, I want to get laid' isn't very nice, is it? I was afraid to hurt your feelings. I was embarrassed. I handled the situation poorly, and I'm really sorry!"

Obi-Wan smiled in silent satisfaction. "Now that wasn't so hard, was it? Now I think we have taken up enough of the Healer's time. Let's go home."

Qui-Gon nodded.

"Just one more thing. If you ever do something like that again, I'll do something terrible."

Qui-Gon froze. "What?"

"I won't like you anymore."

"I'll never do it again, I promise," Qui-Gon said quickly.

Obi-Wan grinned smugly. "Now let's go home." He nodded his goodbye to the Healer and left.

Liral held Qui-Gon back, "Master Jinn, a word."

Qui-Gon gestured for her to go ahead.

"I don't want to wake any sleeping Mynocks, but I think there might be another reason for your behaviour during this whole situation." she said, cautiously studying Qui-Gon's reaction. He showed only mild curiosity and inclined his head for her to continue.

"Well, it almost seemed as if you felt guilty to pursue an intimate relationship, and your behaviour when Obi-Wan 'caught' you was rather irrational. After all, you're not accountable to your Padawan for your sex life. Still, you behaved as if you were. Doesn't that give you something to think about?"

Qui-Gon frowned. "Are you implying that I subconsciously felt guilty towards Obi-Wan about trying to have sex with someone else because I really want a relationship with him? That's ridiculous! He's just a boy, after all, and my Padawan! And even if it was true, I would have the self-control to not let this interfere with my judgement. After all, I'm a Jedi Master."

An impatient voice from the hall interrupted them, "Master, don't make me come in there and get you."

"Coming."

Liral turned to him. "He really owns your soul, that little imp, doesn't he?"

Qui-Gon smiled. "You know, that's an almost frighteningly accurate description of our relationship. That doesn't mean you're right, though."

Liral raised her eyebrows. "One day, I will remind you of this conversation, and I will smile."

Qui-Gon shot her a withering look, and was about to retort when he heard an impatient voice from the hall. "Master!"

He sighed as he nodded his goodbye to the Healer and went after his Padawan. Maybe it was possible to buy his soul back? Shuddering, he shook his head. No, it was better off where it was.