The Jedi Marching Song OR The Storyteller Takes a Break
by MJ (bonarbridge@hotmail.com)
Series: The Storyteller (7/?)
Pairing: Q/O
Category: Humor, AU, Parody
Rating: G
Archive: MA
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Summary: In which we Celebrate, Stomp, and Sing to our Hearts
Content.
Feedback: One big, huge Yes!
Disclaimer: Perhaps Mr. Lucas plays the drum. Perhaps he
sings. Perhaps not. Perhaps he cares about what we are doing.
Perhaps we are just borrowing these guys and perhaps to a
certainty we are Not Making Any Money. Stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp...
Note: For this to make much sense, it helps to know the tune
to "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again" or perhaps you know
it as "The Ants Come Marching One By One". [g] This thing also
works really well if you have a saucepan, a wooden spoon, and
an eggbeater. And use both of your lungs...
Our Story begins with the thundering sound of young feet...
[Hey...listen!]
The group of eager Young Ones hesitated as they entered the
Garden of Curious Demography. It was a very large garden, full
of trees, shrubs, birds, and insects, all lending a lovely
babble of familiarity to the huge space.
But now, in the distance, a new sound rose above the gentle
cacophony.
[...It's a drum!]
[Nah! Couldn't be a drum...could it?]
All ears focused ever so intently...
[Yep. It's a drum, all right. Come on!]
Feet pounding, arms pumping, the youthful herd ran headlong
down the path, homing in on the steady thrumming ahead. As they
rounded the last turn, passing the Statue of Rational Quibbles,
they came upon the source of all their wondering.
It was the Storyteller! Marching around the Cubby Rock in the
Absolute Center of the Garden, beating time and humming a
delightful clomp of a tune.
He was beating a fancy Tomtom with two long blunt sticks
covered in Ghackt feathers. On one side of the drum hung a
Cimbourine, jingling in time with his feet. Hooked on the other
side was a Peecko Chime, sparkling the air with its seven
delicious tones. It was all just too, too...exciting!
Ho! Young Ones!
Bobbing, hopping and skipping, they surrounded the Storyteller
as he continued to march a small circle in their center.
[What are you doing? Can we march, too?]
Brrrump! Brrrump! Brrrump, pump, pump!
I shall not tell you a Story today...Ah, ah! Let me explain...
Brrrump! Brrrump! Brrrump, pump, pump!
Today we will celebrate the Anniversary of one of the Greatest
Adventures to happen to the Mighty Qui-Gon and his Handy
Apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi. We celebrate...The Trials On Naboo.
[...The What?...]
The delightful drumming faltered for just a moment.
Have you never heard of The Trials On Naboo??!
[Well...you mentioned it once...]
...(snort)...Then I shall tell you that Tale on another
day. But for now, we shall sing! We shall sing the Jedi
Marching Song. A song that celebrates all Jedi
everywhere, but especially the Spirit and Gumption of Our Own
Two Heroes, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi! Follow me!
The Jedi are marching one by one, Hurrah, Hurrah.
There's short ones, tall ones, and rotund, Hurrah, Hurrah.
We know that they will win the day
As long as they don't lose their way.
Mighty sabers flashing, they'll clear away all the scum.
The Jedi are marching two by two, Hurrah, Hurrah.
The Enemy all will cry Boo-Hoo, Hurrah, Hurrah.
So let's all cheer with a great big Shout
And take a breath so you don't pass out.
And the Sith will get it, right up the old Wazoo.
The Jedi are marching three by three, Hurrah, Hurrah.
What matters that each one has to pee, Hurrah, Hurrah.
They'll grit their teeth and they'll never beg,
Just sputter a bit and squeeze their legs.
And they'll keep on coping because they are maintenance free.
The Jedi are marching four by four, Hurrah, Hurrah.
Through wind and snow and heavy downpour, Hurrah, Hurrah.
Before you know it, they've come and went,
Each one waving his implement.
And the weather never musses their pompadours.
The Jedi are marching five by five, Hurrah, Hurrah.
With Pantaloons lashed they hit their stride, Hurrah, Hurrah.
Oh, see them rising at break of day,
For chocci-biddies and repartee.
Then it's fight, fight, fight until time for beddy-bye.
Brrrump, pump, pump, pump...
[Hey! Can we be Jedi, too?]
Perhaps. If you try really, really hard...
[Yeaaa!]
Clomp!! Clomp!! Clomp!! Clomp!!
The Jedi are marching six by six, Hurrah, Hurrah.
Attired in their lovely double-knits, Hurrah, Hurrah.
If you're a Sith with a horny head
Don't be surprised if you drop dead.
Always heed this Warning - Don't Ever Get Them Pissed.
The Jedi are marching seven by seven, Hurrah, Hurrah.
They're never rude, there is no shovin', Hurrah, Hurrah.
Their Sabers fine are custom made
For every kind of panty-raid.
And they're always welcome because they are power-drivin'.
The Jedi are marching eight by eight, Hurrah, Hurrah.
They never cuss or stay out late, Hurrah, Hurrah.
Just give a Sith the old heave-ho
And linger in the after-glow.
Yet they never seem to need a deoderant spray.
The Jedi are marching nine by nine, Hurrah, Hurrah.
On salads, weeds and greens they dine, Hurrah, Hurrah.
In warm and stripey knee-high socks,
Got first-place ribbons for hammerlocks,
And their motto is No Jedi Before His Time.
The Jedi are marching ten by ten, Hurrah, Hurrah.
Led by the Mighty Qui-Gon Jinn, Hurrah, Hurrah.
Along with his Plucky Obi-Wan.
They'll wallop the Bad Guys one by one,
Till the Galaxy is safe for us once again.
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