Sequel to "Old Lovers and New"/"First Love, Last Love"
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Q/O
Archive: M&A, Rauhnee's archive list, my page
http://www.shadowynd.com/~elaynas_den/index.html
Category: Drama. Romance. Alternating POV.
Feedback: Is always adored.
Summary: A present from Deeyan causes problems.
Disclaimer: The boys belong to his highness George, I'm merely
playing with them.
OBI-WAN
We always made love slowly on Coruscant.
Missions rarely allowed time to leisurely savor the physical
expression of our love. The demands of duty, of diplomatic
functions and courtesies, of tiring negotiating sessions, of
the sporadic outbreaks of war, often left us tired and drained.
We tended to only cuddle before falling asleep, awakening to
make love hastily in the morning before dressing for the day's
endless tasks.
The rhythms of Coruscant were different. We were still busy,
debriefing from the old mission, studying for the new, honing
our skills, reacquainting ourselves with friends whose paths
crossed ours infrequently. But we were home, with greater
freedom to set our own schedule, to center ourselves in the
Force and recharge ourselves for the next assignment.
Making love to Qui-Gon satisfied the needs of my heart, mind,
and body. The heart, to connect both physically and emotionally
with this amazing man, this great Jedi negotiator and warrior,
and be reassured in the most elemental way of his love and
desire for me. The mind, to challenge myself to be worthy of
his quicksilver intellect by pleasing him in new and varied
ways that showed both my primal passion and humble reverence
for him. The body, for the sheer sexual release and joy his
skilled hands, lips, tongue, and words could bestow upon me.
Time never mattered to us on Coruscant. We made love whenever
we wished - in the morning, the afternoon, the evening, the
nighttime. Whenever the Force and our own desires willed our
union. It was late afternoon. We were on our bed, with my
calves resting on his shoulders, his body buried in mine. He
was thrusting slowly, ever so slowly, making me wait. Not that
I minded. I needed to be able to concentrate for what I
planned.
I gathered the Force, using it to sustain my patience, then
creating a physical tendril, coasted it down Qui-Gon's back,
between his buttocks. My tendril gently opened him, stretched
him. He was going to be the taker and the takee. Concentrating
more on the tendril than my own need, I enlarged it, widening
him, tapping on his prostrate, sending sparks through his
senses.
He smiled down at me. Oh a bad smile. I knew that smile now. My
Master could be devilishly gleeful in ways most friends and
acquaintances could never imagine. His hands were braced on
each side of my head, but one hand moved to cup my face, his
thumb stroking my bottom lip, coaxing my mouth to open more
than my current gasping required. As I did, a Force tendril of
his own creation slipped inside. Only not just warmth and
energy, it felt like actual hard substance. My mouth gaped
wider as the tendril enlarged in diameter and length.
His cock.
Oh gods, his cock was in my mouth. That mammoth size I had
grown to know so well was filling my throat. But his cock was
still in my body. I was filled with two of Qui-Gon's cocks. I
couldn't even care that he'd done it again, taken one of my
grand schemes and topped it. I sucked madly on nothing while my
arms flailed in the air, as if striving to grab hold of
invisible hips and pull him even deeper into my mouth. I caught
shoulders, trying to yank him closer to me. I rolled my hips
more frenziedly, desperate for him to increase the speed of his
thrusts, frantic now to reach my pinnacle. I lost control of my
own Force projection.
He obediently speeded his thrusts, bucking against me and his
groans became louder, harsher. His hair swung madly around his
head. As he reached his own peak, he lost control and my teeth
snapped together as my mouth emptied. I whimpered and bit
again, as if I could grab back what I'd lost. We were coming
together, my seed splashing onto his abdomen as his flowed into
me. He released a strangled scream as my body writhed in
ecstasy.
He collapsed onto the bed next to me and we lay in stunned
silence for a moment, too dazed to speak. We finally moved in
unison, straightening the disheveled covers and snuggling. I
had to ask, "Where did you learn to do that?"
"Obi-Wan."
I hated that tone, that soft, sad tone that just by saying my
name, asked, "Why do you raise these questions when the answer
will make you unhappy?"
"Qui-Gon, it was Deeyan, wasn't it?"
"If it makes you happier to know," while his voice said he knew
it wouldn't, "I first tried using the Force with - ." His
muscles tensed for a second. "Yoda wants us. In the Council
Chamber. It's not an emergency but we should appear as soon as
we can." Summons from his Master through their old training
bond was not unprecedented, but it was unusual. We sprang out
of bed, heading for the shower to wash off the musky smell of
sweat and sex.
My answer would have to wait.
QUI-GON
I strode into the Council Chamber, Obi-Wan at my side and two
steps back. We were calm and controlled. No one could guess
we'd been screaming in passion minutes earlier. Only Yoda and
Mace were present, which was unusual but not unprecedented. A
figure stood between the two of them, shrouded in a midnight
blue cloak, similar in shape to a Jedi cloak, but of a rich,
velvet fabric while ours were a serviceable woolen material.
Yoda spoke first. "Qui-Gon, something we need to discuss with
you."
The figure dropped back his hood. He was an exquisitely
beautiful young man, with blue eyes and reddish blonde hair
brushing his shoulders. The cloak parted enough to reveal an
outfit also of costly fabric - azure blue velvet which
highlighted his eyes, his vest decorated with intricate
multi-color embroidery. Walking forward, he kneeled in front of
me. "Master Qui-Gon."
I felt the spike of emotions. They echoed throughout the room,
both shining bright in their intensity and violently ugly.
Anger. Rage. Betrayal. The feelings ripped through the Force
and as rapidly shut down, hidden behind a shield. Covered, but
not dispersed. Barricaded, but seething and alive.
Obi-Wan.
Mace, Yoda and I all looked sharply at my apprentice, searching
his impassive face for answers. The young man kneeling at my
feet was oblivious to Obi-Wan's seething reaction and opened
his mouth to speak. Yoda preempted whatever he might have said.
"Something to say, you wish?"
"No, Master," was Obi-Wan's toneless reply.
"Say something, you will," was Yoda's command to that evasion.
I started to interrupt but halted at Yoda's expression. With
the merest flick of his ears, Yoda could indicate he would not
tolerate my intervention.
"A question, then." Obi-Wan was carefully polite and neutral.
"Is he from his highness Deeyan?"
"Sent him, Deeyan did. For Qui-Gon. Know why, you think?"
Obi-Wan understood when honesty was demanded. "I believe he's a
pleasure boy, sent to remind me of my place."
Yoda's ears flattened as he absorbed that information. "Why
think you this?"
"He looks like me," was the simple reply. The observation was
accurate, I realized. The tinge of red, suppressed by Obi-Wan's
short hairstyle, was visible in the boy's longer locks. The
eyes were more true blue than Obi-Wan's gray, but Obi-Wan's
eyes would reflect blue if he was wearing that same outfit.
Their height and physical build was almost identical.
"And send a pleasure boy to Qui-Gon, why should his highness?"
"He threatened that he would, if I didn't accept Qui-Gon as my
lover." Mace's in-drawn breath made Obi-Wan realize further
explanation was required. "It was a misunderstanding. I did
accept Qui-Gon willingly."
"So you reassured us, when the Council the relationship
approved," Yoda said. "Serious offense, it would be, if a
Master's advances forced upon a Padawan. But if
misunderstanding that was, why send pleasure boy now? Hmm?"
Yoda's lips pursed together on the last syllable.
Obi-Wan wasn't looking at me. His attention was studiously
fixed on Yoda the entire conversation. "I don't know. I don't
listen to Qui-Gon's communications with his Highness."
"An idea you must have. Assumption you make. Think you Qui-Gon
has complained to Deeyan?"
"I couldn't say." He maintained that polite tonelessness.
"Master." Yoda disapproved of my intervention but this time, I
insisted. "I do not know why Deeyan would have sent a pleasure
boy to me. Obi-Wan and I are very happy together, as both
Padawan and Master and lovers. I will communicate with Deeyan
and return this young man to him."
Yoda and Mace exchanged glances. "Return him, you will not.
Offend his Highness you may not. Stay for a month, Torson
will."
The pleasure boy looked at Yoda, clearly surprised, but I
barely registered his actions. My attention was divided between
Yoda and Obi-Wan. I argued as long as I could with Yoda while
Obi-Wan became more reserved, his mental shields increasingly
firm, blocking my touch. In the end, Yoda demanded obedience
and we strode from the Council Chamber, all three of us.
Myself, my Padawan lover, and my temporary pleasure boy.
This month between missions promised to be vastly more
difficult than I could ever dream.
We silently walked back to our quarters. Obi-Wan was obviously
seething, unbelieving that Deeyan could send such a gift,
convinced that I said something to trigger this action.
Hostility was radiating from him in waves. Even Torson could
read his body language.
Torson - if he had a last name he hadn't supplied it - strolled
around our quarters, looking at our few souvenirs and
decorations, making himself at home. He'd picked up a small
case when leaving the Council Chamber. I don't imagine pleasure
boys require a surfeit of clothes.
Obi-Wan was trying to hide his anger, but his overly calm
expression screamed his displeasure. I ignored his attitude,
preferring not to talk in front of our guest. That conversation
would be reserved for our bedroom. I spoke politely with
Torson, learning he was hungry, preparing a small meal for him.
I waited until Torson was devouring a salad, bread and cheese,
before broaching the subject. "While I appreciate Deeyan's
gesture, you do understand that your services will not be
required. You will be our guest. You are welcome to spend your
time as you please. The Academy has extensive training
facilities and a beautiful garden. Or there are many activities
on Coruscant."
The pleasure boy finished swallowing and took a sip of tea
before replying. "I would hate for Deeyan's money to go to
waste. I'm quite willing to be flexible."
"Pardon me?" I answered, not sure I understood his meaning.
"Well," Torson drawled, the timbre of his voice lowering, "if
Obi-Wan won't allow you to use me by yourself, I'm quite happy
to do you both at the same time. You're very attractive in very
distinct ways." He flicked a seductive glance at Obi-Wan, who
was pacing in the small living area.
"That won't be necessary."
He paid no attention to my fast reply and continued, "Think
what it could be like, me on my hands and knees. You've
prepared me well and you're thrusting inside, your thick cock
buried deeply, my channel so hot and tight around you. I'm
sucking on Obi-Wan, licking him, my mouth filled with his cock.
You are both sweating and straining, your hands digging into my
hips as you drive into me, Obi-Wan's fingers digging into my
scalp as he fucks my mouth. I can tell from your groans that
you're approaching your climax, so I suck even harder on
Obi-Wan. I want him to come when you come. I want your seed to
overflow my mouth and body. I want you both to scream at the
same time as you look at each other over my body, to know that
I caused that explosion, that pleasure."
It was oddly fascinating, this sweet-faced boy describing his
fantasized threesome. Obi-Wan had the same ability, to look so
charming, so artlessly mischievous, and then enrapture my
imagination with unbelievably erotic scenarios.
Only with Obi-Wan, our sexual play always seemed a reverent
expression of our love for each other.
Torson's words simply seemed dirty.
Shocked and repelled, my response was delayed too long. Obi-Wan
jerked Torson out of his chair. "I think you need an early
night. You must be tired after your long journey." The savagery
of his tone belied the politeness of the words.
"I was still eating," Torson protested.
Obi-Wan shoved him into the Padawan's quarters and slammed the
door, sealing it locked with a Force application. Turning to
me, he demanded, "What did you say? What did you say to
Deeyan?"
Now I was angry, at Obi-Wan's treatment of Torson and his
accusations. "You can't blame him for that, Obi-Wan. He's a
pleasure boy. It's what he's trained to do. He doesn't deserve
to be sent to bed without his dinner."
He grabbed the plate, stalked back to the bedroom, opened the
door, pushed the plate at Torson and banged the door shut
again. "Fine. He won't starve. Now what did you say?" His voice
rose. Any pretense at Jedi calm was finished.
I gritted my teeth. "I told you in the Council Chamber that I
haven't said anything to Deeyan which should have provoked this
gift. I don't know what he misinterpreted but I do know that
you are overreacting and distrustful. I thought you knew me
better."
"Maybe I don't know you at all. I'm going to bed." He flounced
into our bedroom, stiff backed and indignant. I sighed. An hour
ago, everything was fantastic. I was in love with the man of my
dreams, a man I hoped to share my life. He was in love with me.
Now I had a foul-mouthed visitor and an aggravated lover.
Obi-Wan was very possessive, but I never dreamed his emotional
reaction would be so violent. I wasn't going to coax him into
good humor. After our years together as Master and Padawan, our
months as lovers, if he didn't trust me, didn't trust our love,
any words of mine were meaningless.
Maybe the Council was wise to be concerned about Master/Padawan
relationships.
OBI-WAN
We slept together, backs to one another rather than bodies
spooned. I didn't understand why Qui-Gon slept with me after my
temperamental display. Maybe to reassure me that he wasn't with
Torson. I awoke early, dressed, woke the boy, made him dress,
and dragged him to the dining hall for breakfast. I wouldn't
permit another repeat of last night's scene.
We received odd looks and heard scattered whispers during
breakfast and as we walked to the training facilities. Word
travels fast, even among Jedi who pretend to be above gossip. I
secured one of the smaller, lesser used rooms, preferring not
to exercise under scrutiny. A moderate kata to warm up and
loosen my muscles while my food digested. Torson lounged on a
bench and watched me curiously.
My calm was disturbed and it showed in the kata. A misplaced
step, an awkward bend to the arm, a leap too high or not high
enough. Torson began making snide noises at every mistake. I
doubted he was acquainted with this particular kata, but he was
well trained enough to see the breaks in the flow.
I challenged him eventually. We fought hand-to-hand, at first
testing each other, learning differences in style, searching
for weaknesses and overconfidence. He was good, I'll give him
that credit. The tussles became more bitter, striving for the
upper hand, each unwilling to yield. Overall, I was winning.
Barely.
After several hours, I called an end. I was exhausted but not
any happier. We were both sweating, trembling from our
exertions. Since he was my size, I tossed a clean set of my
casual clothes at him and by mutual unvoiced consent, we
separated to showers at the opposite ends of the wash room. He
looked odd when I met him outside, dressed in neutral beige
with his blue velvet boots and cape. Lunch in the dining hall,
more discreet glances. Torson maintained a stream of overly
innocent remarks, as if we were two casual acquaintances
enjoying a pleasant meal. He enjoyed my misery. This was not a
good day. It was time to meditate.
We strolled to the gardens, Torson trailing after me as I so
typically followed Qui-Gon. Only the two of us lacked the
steady contemplative rhythm to our stride that my Master and I
shared. In the gardens, I sank onto the ground, crossing my
legs in front of me. Qui-Gon tended to meditate on one knee,
but I preferred a cross-legged position. Torson sprawled on the
grass in front of me, smirking.
"Is thinking going to make it all better?"
I wasn't going to let him anger me. He'd succeeded too well
last night. "Don't mock something you don't understand.
Meditation for a Jedi allows us to communicate with the Living
Force."
"Ah. The Living Force." He shut his eyes for a moment while the
breeze cooled our bodies. "Somehow you are not what I expected.
Deeyan didn't have much to say about you. He talked about
Qui-Gon."
"Be quiet." I didn't want to know what Deeyan might have said
about either of us.
"He said Qui-Gon was one of the best men he ever knew. That
anyone would be honored to have him as a lover or friend." His
words rang with truth. I'd heard Deeyan express that sentiment.
"Be quiet. I'm already familiar with Deeyan's opinion of
Qui-Gon." I closed my eyes to shut out his visage, signaling my
unwillingness to talk.
I submerged myself into the power of the Force, into my
connection with all living creatures. With the crisp grass
under my legs, the minjeni bushes growing behind me, the cella
roses smelling so sweetly. My fellow Jedi moving peacefully
through the gardens. I even touched Torson's presence, though
the Force was very weak in him. I was perversely gratified by
his low midi-chlorian level.
Torson. Why was he here? What had I done to cause this? And why
was I reacting so badly?
This morning's exercises nagged at me as my thoughts roamed. He
was a superb wrestler, well trained and alert. Would a pleasure
boy be such a skilled athlete? Possibly. Good muscular control
and development would be useful. No help there. Deeyan. Deeyan
also fought well hand-to-hand. I remembered Qui-Gon talking
about their bouts.
Torson dressed like Deeyan. The rich clothes, the distinctive
elaborate embroidery on Torson's vest matched the design
patterns on the nobles of Yunada, but pleasure boys weren't
trained on that planet. They weren't illegal, just not an
accepted part of the culture. Deeyan had to hire him from
another world. Would he have asked for a pleasure boy to be
dressed in his own native clothes? Didn't quite make sense, but
wasn't completely illogical. It might even be part of the
normal service. No help there.
Deeyan. Would he embarrass me? Publicly chastise me because I
kept battling Qui-Gon for sexual control? I didn't think so,
but I wasn't sure. We had spent very little time together, and
most had been at public receptions or during Qui-Gon's
recuperation, with his Queen also in the room. Deeyan would do
anything he could for Qui-Gon, of that I was positive.
Qui-Gon. My thoughts circled to my Master, my lover, the man I
hoped to unite in a life-bond though I hadn't yet asked the
question. The time hadn't seemed perfect yet.
I didn't always understand Qui-Gon. Despite our years together,
he could be a mystery. His emotions and ability to trust were
badly scarred by Xanatos. The first few years were the hardest,
when it seemed every mission separated us, sometimes by
unavoidable circumstances, sometimes by Qui-Gon's deliberately
abandoning me. I was frequently overwhelmed by my insecurity,
left alone to handle chores seemingly beyond a boy's ability. I
was so desperate to be a Padawan, to be the best Padawan, to be
worthy of Qui-Gon, I coped with everything life and my Master
tossed at me. I never gave him reason to doubt his trust. I
always made him proud of me.
Yes. I always made him proud of me.
It was so clear in that instant of time. Qui-Gon did keep
secrets from me - the Jedi secrets belonging only to a Knight
or Master. His thoughts on a mission, not wanting to prejudice
my opinion before hearing my ideas. The great love affair of
his youth, his casual liaisons. The dark secret of his
inappropriate love for his Padawan. But he was always proud of
me, respected my opinion, trusted me. If Qui-Gon had a serious
problem with my attempts at domination, he would have said it
to me. If he had mentioned anything to Deeyan, his words would
have been laced with rueful, pleased amusement. If Deeyan acted
on Qui-Gon's words to chastise me, it was Deeyan's
misunderstanding.
I trusted Qui-Gon with my life, my training, my future as a
Knight. I could trust him with my heart.
I thought myself so secure, so confident. I was going to be a
Jedi Knight, a worthy student demonstrating the teachings and
wisdom of my Master. One impertinent human threatened my
relationship with Qui-Gon and my control shattered. When had
the insecurity of my youth transmuted to such intense jealousy
of Qui-Gon? Had I conquered one personality flaw, merely to
substitute another? I cringed to recall my demand, my desire to
invade Qui-Gon's private conversations with his friend. I was
embarrassed that I gave him greater respect as a teacher than a
lover.
Trusting Torson was another matter. Nothing about him quite
added up. I doubted whether he was a pleasure boy. I hadn't
appreciated the way he'd intentionally tried to cause problems
last night and baited me all day. Admittedly, even a non-Jedi
could sense my feelings toward him. I had given him cause to
dislike me and he'd responded in kind with unabashed glee. So -
on the trust scale, Qui-Gon yes, Torson no. I opened my eyes,
aware from the position of the sun that I had been meditating
for hours.
The little brat was gone.
He wasn't difficult to locate. He seemed to delight in
aggravating me, so I headed for the place I would be most
annoyed to find him. Yes, he was chatting in our quarters with
Qui-Gon, making a noble attempt to appear he found Republic
politics fascinating. Qui-Gon stood up as I entered and
approached him. He expression was distant but not overly stern.
I stepped close to him, balancing on my toes so our hips would
touch and guided his head down. I kissed him lingeringly. He
didn't reciprocate, his tongue and lips passive while I learned
anew the sweet male taste of his mouth. I kissed him until the
tension in his shoulders eased and his arms circled my body.
His tongue dueled back and I could feel a stiffness of another
variety bumping against my body.
I broke the kiss, my body still pressed tight to his, and
rubbed my cheek on his beard while speaking low into his ear.
"Forgive me, Qui-Gon. My reactions yesterday were unworthy."
"Torson -" He was reminded of the pleasure boy, sitting on the
couch, watching us.
"Has seen and done more than one lover apologizing to another,
a Padawan asking his Master's forgiveness. I should not have
doubted you." I had to restore our relationship. Nothing was
worse than being distanced from him. Torture was preferable to
the sad reproach in his eyes.
"I will talk to Deeyan, Obi-Wan, despite the Yoda's
restriction. Please believe me that nothing I said should have
triggered this reaction." His voice also was almost sub-vocal,
creating our private world from Torson's inquisitive ears.
"No, Qui-Gon. This isn't worth defying Master Yoda. Deeyan is
your friend and he thought he was helping you. A silly
misunderstanding isn't worth dividing us." My warm breath
caressed his ear as I spoke. "I love your beard."
"I'll mark you. Your skin is sensitive." He started to separate
our faces, but I held him fast.
"You love to mark me. I've seen you when you thought I was
sleeping. Seen you staring down at me, when our come has
mingled on my skin and your bites mark my flesh. When I'm
well-loved and exhausted. When I can only sprawl bonelessly and
the sheets are twisted off the bed from the power of your love.
You have this possessive glow in your eyes, this conquering
triumph. I love that look." His large hands spasmed and closed
on my buttocks at those words. Sometimes discussing reality was
even more powerful than describing fantasy.
That intensity of his reaction brought him to awareness of our
visitor. He cleared his throat and backed away. This time, I
let him go.
"It's late. We should have some dinner."
"Actually, I had planned dinner out with several friends. I
would like to invite Torson." I smiled winningly at our guest,
who smiled mockingly back.
"Obi-Wan - " Qui-Gon was concerned.
"Please." I directed my request to both of them. "I'd like to
make up for my reaction. Besides, Torson will be here a month.
He should meet some of the other Padawans."
"Well, if I can't spend the month pleasing Qui-Gon, I guess I
have to do something with my time. Might as well make a few
acquaintances." Torson didn't trust me any more than I trusted
him. We were both operating under the old saying about keeping
your enemies closer than your friends.
I kissed Qui-Gon, fast and hard. "We're going to a restaurant
several levels away and maybe to a club. Don't wait up."
Torson flippantly saluted, as if mocking my kiss, then
obediently followed me out the door, down the hallway, and
through the Academy grounds. We almost reached the entrance
quad where I was meeting the other Padawans when he began
clapping.
"Truly a bravura performance. The wet-eared kid leads his
Master by the nose - or should I say the dick? I never thought
Jedi Masters were so gullible."
We were physically well-matched, but I had one decisive
advantage. I slammed him against the wall, keeping him in place
with my hands on his chest and a blanket of Force on his body.
"I don't like you Torson. I don't trust someone who enjoys
causing trouble. I don't believe you're a pleasure boy. But
Deeyan sent you and he is a friend of Qui-Gon's. For their
sake, I will tolerate you until I know why you're here."
He smiled tauntingly. "So there's some brains under the cute
face and jealous temperament. I had wondered."
I released him, sensing an imminent approach. While Torson was
massaging his throat, Vashtar cheerfully called, "Hi Obi-Wan!
Oh." He halted abruptly, realizing who was with me.
"Hello Vashtar. This is Torson." Sezon and Bant arrived, with
similar expressions of blank dismay. "Yes, he's the pleasure
boy sent to Qui-Gon." They exchanged glances and I tackled the
issue before the evening became an uncomfortable fiasco. "Yes,
everyone knows Qui-Gon is my lover and has been for several
months. No, Torson's presence won't change our relationship.
His arrival is only a bizarre misunderstanding. For this month,
he is our guest. So can we go to dinner?"
Bant asked, "Are you sure you're comfortable with this?"
"Perfectly," I replied, maintaining an insouciant posture and
vocal tone. "Besides just think - we have a real pleasure boy.
Can you imagine the information he can share about the habits
of the rich?" I laid one hand on Torson's shoulder. "I'm sure
you'll be happy to share your perspective, won't you Torson?
We're going to be mediating disputes among many of the
wealthiest people in the galaxy. It will be interesting to
understand the totality of their lives." I thought I managed to
find a reasonable justification for encouraging him to talk
smut. I could see an avid interest in my friends' faces. From
my discussions with Qui-Gon, Jedi are more sexually adventurous
than the days of his youth, but a gap persists between our
activities and our impressions of the galaxy's most affluent
citizens.
He shot me a dirty look before accepting my challenge. Lowering
his voice and eyelids, he murmured, "Well, I couldn't reveal
trade secrets...but a little casual conversation wouldn't
hurt."
QUI-GON
Obi-Wan had lied. No, not really lied. His words were truth,
they just weren't the complete truth.
He'd realized something today, something while meditating. I
had seen how deeply he was entranced, making connections and
forming patterns that I had been too busy with today's tasks to
examine. His anger had dissipated and been replaced with -
what? I wasn't quite sure. Certainly a calculated need to keep
Torson under close observation, though not from jealousy.
The sexual distraction was an obvious ploy, a means to ensure I
allowed Torson to accompany him without fuss. Obvious ploys
were a valid diplomatic tactic. I'd coached him in their use.
Sometimes when two hostile parties want to compromise and still
save face, a deliberate facade can be invaluable.
Of course, when the parties haven't reached that stage, an
obvious ploy can backfire and create even more unbearable
havoc.
The question was - did he realize I knew it was an obvious ploy
and was willing to play along? Or did he truly believe he'd
fooled me? If the former, fine. I would trust Obi-Wan with my
life, my honor, my soul. I would certainly trust him with
Torson, no matter how upset he might have been yesterday. If
the latter, I must disabuse him of my gullibility and run him
through more diplomatic drills. Such shoddiness could get him
killed.
In the meantime, my evening was free and I needed some
meditation of my own. I sunk into my pose and submerged myself
in the power of the Force, my thoughts floating free.
My Obi-Wan. My Padawan, my closest companion, my lover. The
object of my desire for so many years.
My jealous, possessive little imp who mistrusted me too easily.
Was this fiasco my fault? Had I said something in the wrong way
to Deeyan? I didn't think so. I had talked to Deeyan of my love
for Obi-Wan more before we became lovers, needing to express my
insanity to a sympathetic and nonjudgmental ear. I supposed I
made a sporadic remark about Obi-Wan's effort to sexually
dominate me but I never sounded unhappy about it. It's
ridiculous to be upset when someone is dedicated to pleasing
you in unimaginable ways.
In actual truth, I talked little of our relationship, even to
Obi-Wan. Missions were too busy and hectic for our personal
concerns. On Coruscant, we were too happy. We told each other
frequently of our love, in that casual, "I love you, you're
wonderful" way. We kissed and caressed and made mad, passionate
sex, but we didn't delve into our feelings.
I was hesitant to accept my good fortune. Part of me resisted
believing that Obi-Wan truly loved me. Other than a certain
possessiveness of my time, he never indicated any deeper
feelings until after I was wounded. My fantasy dream had been
granted too easily, too quickly. I thought he would ask me for
a life-bond, but this idea hadn't passed his lips. Part of me
feared that his love was transitory, that he assumed we were
lovers during his apprenticeship and he would separate from me
after his Knighting.
He never said he wanted to spend his life with me. And I was
too scared to ask.
He was jealous of me, a jealousy that manifested itself in
minor ways during missions. If I chatted too long with an
attractive diplomat, either male or female, my apprentice would
appear at my elbow, reminding me of some obligation. He would
maintain his Jedi cool and serenity, but he would send this
calm look at the diplomat, as if shouting, "Mine!" The message
was always clearly received and that diplomat never attempted
any further lengthy conversation that wasn't strictly limited
to our negotiations. I cherished these small displays of
jealousy as evidence of his love, sidestepping the Dark Side
potentiality. Obi-Wan was merely human, not at risk of turning,
my subconscious told itself.
But jealousy isn't always a symptom of love. Sometimes it's
just a desire to possess and control.
So I unconsciously ducked the issues, concentrating on the
living moment, blind to the future. I cringed to realize my own
personality flaw. I should have fulfilled my duty as his
Master, lecturing him sternly on eliminating his dangerous
possessiveness. Maybe if I had faced my own fears, asked him to
life-bond, he would have been more secure in our love, more
trusting of my actions. I had wronged him by not tackling our
problems and that crack had broken wide when presented with
Torson.
I should have risked more, should have made him face his
feelings and decide if his jealousy was about love or power. I
should have been capable of hearing any time restrictions he
might place on our relationship. We might have avoided this
fiasco. When he and Torson came home, I wouldn't delay. We
would talk and I would express myself honestly and completely.
If he was only mine until his Trials, I would continue to
cherish each moment. If he was mine forever, I would do
everything to make him confident of my feelings.
I was calm, centered, happy with my resolutions. I looked at
the clock to note hours had elapsed as my thoughts drifted.
And then I felt Obi-Wan's fear.
OBI-WAN
Torson faked well and my friends got slightly intoxicated,
which helped his deception. I nursed my only drink and listened
intently while allowing my eyes to glaze.
He'd been raised rich. He was acquainted with the luxurious
trappings that the wealthy take for granted - gourmet foods,
clothes of expensive fabrics, furniture of natural woods, human
servants and customized droids. He wove those items into his
story, coyly skirting over the sexual details, instinctively
appreciating that the Padawans' imagination would add minutiae
more vivid and decadent than he could describe. But he wasn't a
pleasure boy - he'd probably never even met one. There was a
certain oddness in his tales, as if he'd been isolated for much
of his life and was relating stories he'd heard more than
lived.
The hour was late when we left the club, closer to dawn than
dusk. I wasn't drunk, though I wasn't admitting that fact.
Torson had talked more than drank. Bant was relatively sober,
as Calamarians are less susceptible to alcohol. Sezon and
Vashtar were extremely tipsy and all of us were tired, both
from the lack of sleep and the intensive physical training we
did every day.
Jedi prescience saved our lives. The tingle hit my awareness,
the knowledge that a threat was imminent. I was pulling my
lightsaber, lighting it and turning to meet the attack from
behind as my fellow Padawans were becoming conscious of danger.
I deflected the first two blasts from the mobile Seeker droids
as the other lightsabers shimmered into existence. The Seekers
circled us, floating in the air, a lethal ring of electronics
programmed to kill.
"Surround Torson. Protect him," I instructed tersely.
Fortunately, he had been walking in the middle, so we rapidly
formed a complete box around his body, our backs to him. Our
sabers flashed as they met the bolts of deadly energy attacking
us.
The barrage of fire stopped. The Seekers were programmed to
analyze a battle and not waste energy unnecessarily. They
skimmed back and forth in the air around us, darting closer,
unexpectedly moving up and down, seeking an opening, sending
sharp bolts that would badly wound, if not kill.
"Report. How is everyone?" I commanded. If anyone was still in
an alcoholic fog, I had to add that fact into our battle
strategy.
"I'm fine, Obi," was Bant's fast reply, followed by Sezon's
weak, "Okay." At Vashtar's "Not so good," I instructed Bant and
Sezon to switch places. As the most capable, Bant and I would
be back-to-back, with Torson in the middle of our square. We'd
be able to help protect the other sides better. The Seekers
took several shots as Bant and Vashtar switched but were
unsuccessful at breaking through their defenses.
"My Master is on her way," Bant stated as we paused again,
waiting for the next volley. "Qui-Gon also," I said while Sezon
simply added, "Yes." In the midst of danger and fear, we all
instinctively sought our bond with our Masters, communicating
our predicament.
Vashtar moaned, "Mine is off-planet."
I soothed, "It doesn't matter. They'll be here soon. We only
have to hold out."
I was surprised to hear Torson's voice from beside my ear.
"Let's do better than hold out." He was using my shoulder to
brace his arm, holding a blaster in his hand. The weapon must
have been in a holster at the small of his back, hidden by his
cloak. No wonder he'd worn it, despite the clash of colors.
His aim was as good as his wrestling. With one squeeze of his
finger, the Seeker facing me exploded, small metallic fragments
spinning away as it disintegrated.
Now wasn't the best time for a personal confrontation, but I
had to snap, "I never realized pleasure boys were trained to be
expert marksmen." Muscular control could be important for a
pleasure boy, but I doubted many avid hunters hired pleasure
boys as companions for shooting trips.
I turned my head enough to see his face as he quipped back,
"You learn something new every day." He was maintaining his
facade as best he could, but the flash of fear in his eyes was
revealing. Torson may have practiced a lot on a shooting range,
but he wasn't accustomed to battle. Adrenaline and panic were
consuming his body and mind, because he already knew what I had
just comprehended.
Torson was the target.
QUI-GON Á Before I finished rising from my
meditation and running out the door, Obi-Wan was suppressing
his fear and dropping into a mental and physical state of
battle readiness. He was a superb warrior and had been since
the first time we fought draigons together when he was only 12.
I was so proud of his instinctive ability to analyze,
strategize, and react in the middle of conflict.
As I raced across the Academy grounds, I sensed he was
marshalling the other Padawans, uniting his troops to counter
the unexpected attack. Most of the time it was only the two of
us, engaged in battle against hostile forces. Obi-Wan had few
previous opportunities to command others, but he was rising to
the challenge. Rasse Tel and Avocca met me at the entrance
quad. We'd all made the same judgment - a public air car should
just be leaving the front of the Academy grounds. Taking it
would save the two minutes required to start one of the own
transport vehicles.
The public air car was running five seconds early but with the
assistance of the Force, we jumped through the air of
Coruscant, clinging to the side. Rasse was closest to the door,
opening it swiftly so we could sidle in. The car rocked with
our movements and the atmospheric pressure, but we cast Force
blankets to calm its motion.
Avocca moved immediately to the front of the car. Of the three
of us, she was best with electronics and began overriding the
droid driver's programming. This late at night, few passengers
were on board. Several emitted small shrieks at our dramatic
entry, but calmed when they recognized our attire. I moved
among them, touching shoulders, murmuring reassurances to cover
my small mind pushes. Rasse was on his communicator, alerting
Yoda to our precipitous departure and our Padawans' plight.
An old woman patted my hand as I placed it on her shoulder.
"Never you mind about me dearie. Off to rescue someone?"
"Our apprentices are under attack, old mother."
"Someone would hurt Jedi? What is happening to the world these
days." She tsked at the sad state of affairs on Coruscant.
I had to smile and give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
"Don't worry, we'll take care of them."
"You do that, dearie." Her face was lined with a network of
wrinkles, and her sincerity was indisputable. "The young need
our care and protection. Enough freedom to test their wings,
but care and protection always."
I smiled once more and stood, closing my eyes to center on
Obi-Wan. My sense of him only glanced his awareness, so he
would not be distracted from battle. Surprising, but the
conflict appeared to be over. I concentrated harder, receiving
an answering wordless pulse. I would have expected tired,
semi-drunk Padawans to need more time to dispatch Seeker
droids, those lethal, vile machines. Perhaps the apprentices
were more sober than I realized, or there were fewer droids. A
training bond is useful, but it does have its deficiencies when
conveying detailed information. I yearned for the days when we
would have a stronger life-bond, if that dream did happen.
Fortunately, most good citizens were sleeping. Traffic was
slight and Avocca coaxed more speed out of the air car than
normally possible in Coruscant's crowded skies. Only minutes
passed and the air car coasted to a stop beside the walkway
holding our students. Lightsabers were extinguished and tense
muscles relaxed at our arrival, though most did not visibly
display their feelings. Vashtar's gasp of relief echoed loudly
in the relative quiet of Coruscant. We stepped from the car and
hurried with unconscious dignity to stand close to our own
Padawans. Like them, we did not reach out with a hug or overt
expression our concern. Jedi remain in control in public, even
on a deserted walkway, watched only by evening commuters. I
clasped Obi-Wan on the shoulder, then Torson, keeping my
lightsaber ready in my other hand.
"You are well? I sensed Seeker droids."
"Yes, Master. They didn't approach close enough to destroy with
our sabers, but Torson eliminated them with his blaster."
Unexpressed questions lurked behind Obi-Wan's calm. I instantly
caught the train of his thought. Blasters weren't an expected
accouterment for pleasure boys.
One of Torson's hands was behind his back, apparently returning
the blaster to its holster, hidden by his cape. "My thanks to
you," I said.
Rasse spoke. "Returning to the Academy on the air car is too
risky. The vehicle would be more hindrance than help if other
Seekers are sent. We should put this - boy - in the car with
the other civilians and make our way back at super speed."
"No!" Obi-Wan's vehemence was surprising. His words continued
seamlessly, but I could see his mind working with lightning
speed to find a suitable justification. "Whoever sent the
Seekers may have received recordings showing Torson using his
blaster. Our attacker may decide to retaliate against him."
"Your Padawan lover is very - thoughtful - toward your guest,
Qui-Gon." The disdain in his use of the term 'Padawan lover'
spoke volumes. Our relationship apparently was not well
accepted by all the other Masters.
"We are Jedi, Master Tel. We protect the citizens of the
Republic." The firmness of Obi-Wan's reminder of our duty was
as close to a scold as a Padawan dared give a Master.
Avocca had been speaking to her communicator. Fortunately, she
interrupted before Rasse could verbalize offense. "Mace is
bringing a defensive transporter. I'll reprogram the air car
droid to resume its journey so these people can get to their
homes."
"Everything all right now, dearie?" The old woman hovered in
the car's doorway. She stepped out so Avocca could enter the
car and I introduced her to the Padawans. A normal civilized
act, always so disconcerting with the adrenaline running in our
veins. Only a few minutes, and we could send these people on
their way. A few minutes, and Mace would arrive with a sturdier
vehicle. A few minutes, and Obi-Wan and I could question my
'pleasure boy' on what we had both realized.
Torson had been the target.
OBI-WAN Á Master Rasse Tel made an unbelievable
amount of noise on the trip home. He was indignant about
violence against Padawans in the heart of the Republic. He
wanted Mace to have the Council do something. He wanted to hunt
down everyone who had ever bought Seeker droids. He was too
blinded by his own anger to see the truth. He was very
tiresome.
The other Padawans had a brief flurry of babble. Safe in the
transporter, out of the public's eyes, their fear was released
in an explosion of conversation. The evening's activities, the
attack, how many shots had been deflected, how well Torson
aimed, how well I coordinated our stand. Sezon talked to Rasse,
Bant to Avocca, Vashtar to Mace, all at the same time in a
cascade of sounds. I couldn't be proud that everyone applauded
my efforts. I had known Torson was a mystery. I shouldn't have
assumed that no danger existed. My carelessness in taking him
off the Academy grounds endangered all our lives.
Qui-Gon, Torson and I stayed silent during the trip, during our
walk across the Temple and back to our rooms. I was oddly proud
of Torson. He wasn't a trained Jedi, but he retained his
control and poise.
He broke down in our quarters. Perhaps the transporter wasn't
enough of a place of safety for him. Perhaps he resisted
appearing foolish in front of the others. He began trembling,
involuntary quivers of his muscles, his mouth shaking as he
tried to talk. Even a small skirmish like tonight can be
unsettling to those unaccustomed to warfare. Qui-Gon sat on the
couch. He pulled and I pushed Torson to settle by his side.
Long arms wrapped around the shuddering frame, holding him
close, holding him tight. Nothing in this universe is as
comforting as Qui-Gon's embrace.
I headed for the small kitchen area, starting tea brewing. I
paced back and kneeled down by the couch, stripping off
Torson's boots, undoing his belt to remove the holster and
blaster. "I've started tea, Master."
"Good. Add some honey for Torson."
He managed to spit out a statement. "They were after me. Me."
"We realized that," I replied soothingly.
"You're safe here in the Academy. You're safe now," Qui-Gon
added, stroking his hair.
My eyes connected with Qui-Gon's. We were back in sync. We'd
both reasoned out the truth, we both believed taking care of
Torson was our priority. A knotted ball of worry unwound,
uncurling through my soul. My Master and I were in harmony,
working as two halves of a perfect team. I would have smiled
but I was afraid Torson would misunderstand, think that I was
laughing at his stress reaction. I contented myself with
gripping Qui-Gon's knee and lowering my shields, my physical
and mental touch expressing my love.
"I was horrible to you," Torson stuttered at me. "How could you
defend me? Your lives were at risk but you protected me."
"We are Jedi. We protect the citizens of the Republic," I said
for the second time that night. "Besides, I believe I reacted
badly to your presence. I can't blame you for taking offense."
He shook his head, not understanding that harboring grievances
leads to the Dark Side. "I lied about what Deeyan said. He said
you and Qui-Gon were two of the best men he ever knew. That
anyone would be honored to have either of you as a lover or
friend." He grinned weakly, "But that if anyone got between the
two of you, you'd cut his balls off."
I winced. Deeyan's ranking me with Qui-Gon was flattering but
his character assessment was unfortunately probably accurate.
Threatening to cut someone's balls off isn't exactly a Jedi
trait but I was extremely possessive of my Master, a
personality facet well demonstrated over the last two days. I
was working on this flaw with lengthy bouts of meditation but I
was a long way from perfection. Choosing not to dispute
Deeyan's evaluation, I said, "Let me get the tea."
He grabbed my hand as I started to rise. "I was jealous of you
before we even met. Deeyan respects you both so much. More than
he will ever respect me."
I stared down momentarily at our joined hands, oddly aware that
even in this small feature, we were similar. Strong hands,
short fingernails, my calluses more from lightsaber practice
than blaster and wrestling. He'd been fleeing danger and Deeyan
had sent him to someone who hated him on sight. He'd
retaliated. I couldn't blame him. I could only blame myself for
releasing such destructive emotions within myself. "You showed
great courage today. You destroyed the Seekers, not me. I think
Deeyan may respect you more than you think. Now relax and let
me get the tea."
We coaxed the hot fluid down his throat and Torson ultimately
nodded off, cradled in Qui-Gon's arms. To my question of
whether Qui-Gon wanted help getting him into bed, my Master
shook his head. "I think I'll hold him. He may have nightmares
without the physical reassurance of a human touch."
I accepted his plan without argument, performing the same small
tasks as I had done for Torson, removing his boots and belt
before taking off my own. I found Qui-Gon's hair brush, and
combed his and Torson's hair as much as I could without
disturbing their position. I sat on the floor between his legs,
pillowing my head on his thigh, sighing as I closed my eyes.
"Obi-Wan," he said softly, "you should sleep in the bed.
There's no reason for you to be uncomfortable."
Eyes closed, I murmured, "Want to be here. Want to be with you.
Love you." I felt his large hand rest on my head, long fingers
twining through my short hair.
"I love you," he whispered back before stretching out a Force
flicker to extinguish the lights. I snuggled closer, hugging
his calf. We slept.
QUI-GON
Waking up surrounded by healthy beautiful young men may be a
base pleasure, but it is certainly an undeniably attractive
experience. Torson and Obi-Wan were sleeping, eyes closed,
mouths softly parted, breath even and slow, a faint stubble on
their faces. We'd barely moved during the night. We would
suffer stiffness for the odd positioning.
Torson. I would guess Torson, House of Himinal, great grandson
of His Highness Torson of Yusan. Torson the Sixth or Torson the
Last, depending on your view of history. He was the final
monarch before elections established a democratic form of
government. I should have made the connection. Strained
relations between Deeyan's father and the democratic government
originally brought Deeyan into my life. My friend had
occasionally mentioned assisting the other ruling family in
their exile from the neighboring planet. Why someone would want
to kill the offspring of an honored but barely remembered
monarch was a mystery to me.
Yoda sat in the chair across from me, sipping a cup of tea. He
used the Force to float another cup through the air where my
hand could reach it without disturbing either of the youth. We
drank in peace.
"Deeyan sent Torson to us for protection, didn't he?" Obi-Wan's
question surprised me. He woke instantly on missions, but on
Coruscant normally greeted the day with yawning and stretching.
"You would have explained if I hadn't reacted so badly."
"Concerned we are, relationship between Master and Padawan.
Leap to assumption, you did. Learn to trust each other, you
must." Another cup floated from the kitchen area and Obi-Wan
clasped it. Yoda did like to demonstrate his fine grasp of the
Force.
Obi-Wan's voice was dry. "I learned a great many things last
night. I learned Vashtar's Master does him no favor, keeping
him safe on Coruscant. The Council shouldn't allow it. That
Master Tel is too quick to make assumptions, both about matters
that concern him and matters that don't. That none of us should
assume we are safe simply because we are on our home planet. We
did well last night but we shouldn't have needed Torson to help
destroy the Seekers. If our reflexes weren't slow from careless
drinking, we would have been able to deal with them. That
Padawans should train together more. If war ever breaks out, we
will be fighting as a team, not only with our Masters."
I was proud of my apprentice's bland recital of observations.
Several Masters could benefit from his wisdom. Last night had
exposed critical deficiencies existed beyond those in our
relationship. But I wasn't going to allow Yoda to place all the
blame on him. "Despite Obi-Wan's reaction, you should have
warned us about Torson's danger. He shouldn't have left the
safety of the Academy."
Yoda blinked his eyes, a tiny gesture accepting my scold.
"Obi-Wan's inviting him to dinner, unexpected this was."
"When protecting someone from assassination, the unexpected
should be expected." I must remember to ask Yoda for whatever
transmission Deeyan sent, to see if more information was
provided on the reason for Torson to be in danger. Always the
clever strategist, was Deeyan. The Council might have wanted to
refuse a request made to me from a friend. They couldn't say no
to a request from a King.
"Master, it doesn't matter." He shifted his head to see my
face. "Torson is fine and Yoda was right to test me. I
shouldn't have been so quick to doubt you, or to doubt your
friend. Neither of you deserved my lack of trust." His voice
gentled as he added, "I also learned that I love Qui-Gon Jinn
with my heart and soul and that my jealousy disrupts our
harmony."
I sat the cup on the sofa's arm so I could place my hand on one
side of his face. "I didn't behave well, either, Obi-Wan. I
wasn't happy that you thought I might have complained to Deeyan
behind your back. If I could do that meeting again, I would
tell you of the two finest days of my life. The day we bonded
as Padawan and Master, and the day that I woke on Yunada and
you made love to me, fulfilling my fantasy. Every day with you,
life is better and more treasured, and I fall more completely
in love. You can trust me, Obi-Wan. You can trust that I will
love you as long as you desire it."
His throat rippled as he swallowed, tears of happiness briefly
shining in his eyes. "I feel the same, Qui-Gon."
"Said he this, fine everything would have been?" Yoda queried.
The little troll never did know when to stop pushing.
Obi-Wan turned his face into my palm, placing a kiss on my
skin. "No, probably not." He looked back up at me. "I'm sorry
Qui-Gon, but what I believed hurt me badly. I don't know if any
words would have magically made everything all right. Sometimes
hard experiences are the only way to learn lessons. I will work
to eliminate my jealousy."
I sent a pulse of love through our bond. I must admit I didn't
want him to be totally successful. I liked his possessiveness,
the knowledge that someone in the universe loved me so much, he
wanted all my time and attention. As Jedi, we spend our lives
in the service of others. I had never appreciated how nice it
was, being someone else's focus until my teenage Padawan
started appearing at every class I taught to other apprentices.
That small action gave me hope through the long years as I
waited for him to reach maturity.
"This is getting almost too sweet," Torson complained.
"You're welcome to go to your bed any time you'd like," Obi-Wan
snapped, then sighed as his mistake registered. I smothered a
grin. I didn't have to worry about him controlling his jealousy
too soon. "I apologize for my unkind words, Torson. Good
morning. Are you feeling well this morning?"
"Well yes, Obi-Wan," he replied, overly polite. "I'm a little
stiff, but your Master makes quite a nice pillow."
Obi-Wan didn't take the bait, merely rising to say he would
begin breakfast.
"Request private breakfast with Torson, I do." Yoda rose,
gesturing at Torson to follow him. "Talk we must."
Torson shrugged, raked his hands through his hair to comb it,
and left with him. Obi-Wan and I were finally alone.
We weren't slow this time. The door barely shut before we were
on each other, tongues driving deep, dueling with each other.
Hands tugging at clothes. I heard a ripping noise but didn't
know if it was my clothes or his being torn. It didn't matter
as long as we both ended up naked. Silken flesh revealed to
greedy fingers, caressing warm skin, exploring the body's
plains and hollows, fondling strong muscles. I shoved him down
and for once he acquiesced to my superior weight, falling to
his back on the floor. His hand was on my cock and my hand on
his. We were bucking madly against each other, pumping hard,
searching for an immediate release to affirm our togetherness.
"Obi-Wan, we should talk - "
"This first, this first - " he groaned back.
We came fast, moaning into each other's mouth, panting softly
as we wafted down from that incredible high. I rolled us over
and he acquiesced to that also, snuggling his cheek on my
shoulder. Our legs and arms twined together. Now we could
slowly pet and relax.
He trailed one fingertip down the middle of my body, starting
at the hollow of my throat, straight down my chest, abdomen, my
cock, before starting the path up. Patiently. "So why didn't
you tell them?"
My small "Hmm?" indicated my confusion. "So why didn't you tell
Masters Yoda and Windu you loved me?" he clarified.
The time for more honesty, to admit my own failures. "Several
reasons. I have been taught for decades to control my emotions,
to release dangerous feelings into the Force. I tried even
harder after I fell in love with you, knowing it was wrong to
yearn for my own apprentice. It's difficult to ignore the
training of a lifetime and confess intimate feelings, even in
front of old friends."
His finger arrived at my throat again and began its journey
back. He made an inquisitive sound in his throat, encouraging
my confession. "I also was angry, that you were so quick to
assume I would betray you."
"I am sorry." He pressed kisses on my cheek, my throat. "Loving
you means so much to me. The feelings have existed so long, and
yet I've only recently realized them. What I feel seems so
powerful, so overwhelming at times, I don't handle my own
reactions well. I am so jealous of you, even of your past. I
want to be the only one in your life."
I couldn't stop the shudder that undulated through my body at
his blunt admission of love. "I am so glad to hear you say
that, my love." He cocked an eyebrow at me. It did seem odd for
a Jedi Master to admit being happy his student couldn't cope
with his emotions. "Jealousy can be more about control and
power than love. I've been afraid. I've been afraid your
feelings weren't as strong as my own. I have loved you so long,
and you seemed to fall in love in an instant..." I trailed off,
not because I was afraid any longer to express myself, but
because the morass of churning emotions was so difficult to
separate. "If you feel jealousy more than love, our
relationship can't survive."
"I love you, Qui-Gon and our relationship will survive. It will
survive all our lives and into the Force." He spoke with
determined firmness. When he set his jaw and his gaze turned
steely, my Obi-Wan appeared to have the resolute strength to
change the rotation of the world on its axis if he wanted. "I
promise you." That declaration deserved a kiss. Two kisses.
Three. Our hands began exploring.
His lips reluctantly separated from mine and he studied me with
a calculating determination in his eyes. I wondered what he was
contemplating. He didn't make me wait long before speaking.
"Perhaps I've been approaching our relationship the wrong way."
"Yes, Obi-Wan?"
"I have been trying to control you. For so many years, you've
been this wise, all-knowing Master, close to me and yet
unreachable, with your superior knowledge and experience. My
jealousy has demanded I bind you to me, to dominate you
sexually to prove that you are mine. Perhaps I should be
willing to try the reverse."
"The reverse? How can you make me dominate you?"
One corner of his mouth tilted up. I could read the subtle
change in his face. Serious time was over. I would obey his
signal. We would talk more later, I promised, both as lover and
Master. He tucked his arms under his head, laying on his
stomach, scooting his knees up so the lower half of his body
was raised. "I'm a pleasure boy, Master. Your pleasure boy."
"Are you really?" I kept my question mild, but my heart beat
was racing. This was going to be good, very good.
"I've been trained all my life for you. I exist to please you.
Fuck me, Master, please fuck me."
For a second, my chest froze at his urgent demand, my breath
catching in my throat. "Is that what you want? To be taken?"
How did he make such an erotic plea seem so sublime? Was it the
love in his eyes? Or the purity of his soul, that no manner of
sexual games could disguise?
"I want to be taken by you, Master. Taken until I can't
breathe, until I can't see, until I faint with pleasure."
What's a Master to do, when his Padawan makes a request? I
complied, settling between his spread legs, lubricating my
erection with my own saliva, too impatient to seek out massage
oil. As I began carefully loosening the tight ring of muscle,
he began chanting a litany, "Fuck me Master, take me, take me
hard, take me rough, I'm yours..."
I entered him slowly, savoring each delicious inch as his body
clung tightly to my cock. One hand controlling his hips, the
other on the floor to hold my weight, I fucked him, sharing my
own litany with him. "I'm your Master. The only one you'll ever
know. I'll take you every day, every night, I'll take you until
you faint with pleasure."
He moaned and arched into my body, shoving back at me. "Yes,
Master, yours yours yours...all our lives..."
He screamed when he came, his body contracting around mine. I
muffled my own cry by burying my mouth in the nape of his neck.
Our sweaty limp bodies fell to the floor again, automatically
moving to curl together.
"Obi-Wan?"
"Hmmm?"
"I apologize if I've seemed the distant Master. If I've been
too concerned with my own control. If I haven't properly
balanced our relationship as lovers and as student and
teacher."
There was a grumbling note to his "Hmmm?" The midst of
afterglow isn't a good time to tackle weighty issues.
"Maybe I should also be willing to risk the reverse. Next time,
you shall be the Master and I'll be the pleasure boy."
His expression was an odd combination of disbelief and goofy
cheer. I'm not sure I've ever seen that look on his face.
Seductiveness took over as he mused, "You are a little old for
a pleasure boy, Qui-Gon. Maybe you should be a noble warrior
I've defeated. Your culture demands your absolute surrender to
the victor. Absolute and willing."
I twined his braid in my fingers, nipping at his nose.
"Whatever inventive scenario you imagine, Obi-Wan. I trust you
in all things, including - creativity."
"As I trust you, Qui-Gon, my love."
OBI-WAN
I found him in the gardens, sprawled once more on his back,
eyes closed but not sleeping. Yoda was watching over him. I
bowed to the Master, accepting responsibility for our charge.
He rose and hobbled off. The Jedi Temple was likely secure
against an assassin, but we would respect the determination
demonstrated in last night's assault. Torson looked as
disheveled as he did this morning when he walked out of our
quarters.
He must have sensed my presence, opening his eyes to stare up
at me. "So, you two have some wild Jedi sex and everything's
fine now?"
Glad to see he hadn't lost his touch. I sat by him, picking up
one hand, cradling it between my own. Easily, I admitted, "Yes,
Qui-Gon and I made love and discussed our relationship. We're
working on our problems."
He eyed our hands. I answered his silent question. "I want to
show you why the Force is so important. I want you to
understand how and why Qui-Gon and I serve the light."
Like yesterday, I opened my mind, searching for the patterns of
life. The flow and ebb of people's breath, of plants taking in
carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen, of small insects floating
through the air carrying pollen. The rhythms of life that
surround us, that so many citizens of the universe never
notice. Then I touched Torson's mind, showing him the
significance of every life, the power of that energy.
"That's the Force," I said softly. I thought back to yesterday,
my jealousy, my anger, my hatred of him. I let the memories
ripple in my mind, disturbing my focus, twisting my connection
to the Force. Everything turned bitter and bleak, the taste of
ashes in my mouth. "That's the Force when violent emotions
control."
I had been staring straight ahead but now I faced his eyes. I
was stunned to see faint tears trickling from the corner of his
eyes, slipping down his cheeks. "Torson?" I asked hesitantly,
seeking understanding.
"I don't know whether to hate you for showing me what I can
never have, or love you for it. I can never have that, can I?"
Reluctant, I nodded my head in agreement. "Your midi-chlorian
level is very low." I paused but continued, "I'm sorry. I
didn't mean to hurt you. I wanted to help." I was sincere. The
image of waving sweets in front of a starving child passed
through my vision.
"Doesn't matter. Would you mind...?" His hand reached out for
mine, and I took it. "I'd like to experience more of the
Force."
I didn't respond, simply slipping into a meditative trance,
carrying Torson's spirit with mine.
"Every life is important," he said softly.
"Yes." There wasn't much else to say.
"I've never felt like mine was."
"Someone thought it was important enough to try to take it." We
were both talking in a daze, the energy of the Force floating
in the air surrounding us, a small portion of our minds on our
conversation while the greater amount of our attention was
expanding together, unfurling to see the totality of life.
"My great grandfather was a King until he was deposed by
democratic elections. He was a wily old schemer. He couldn't
stop the dissolution of the monarchy, but he protected our
assets."
"Money?" Of course. One of the major motivators for people's
actions. I was glad Jedi never attached much importance to it
or material possessions. We were trained to recognize greed and
counter its effects during negotiations, but it was an emotion
we rarely suffered. I internally winced at the thought that
jealousy could be as bad as greed.
"Money, titles to certain lands, royal jewelry. My family keeps
our assets, as long as a direct male descendent of 21 years
lays claim to them within a week of his birthday."
"No one attacked your father or grandfather?" I couldn't
uncharitably suggest that maybe his winning personality incited
the assassin. Not when our minds were communing together,
analyzing the wind shift caused by the slight flutter of
emerald wings on a lostrian butterfly.
"It's the land. The current government is negotiating with
several businesses, creating new developments. Under the
agreement, they've had nominal control since my father's death.
I guess someone woke up to the fact that I'll stake my claim
soon. I'll have to agree to their plans and co-sign the
contracts. Unless I die within this month. Then all our assets
revert completely to the government."
"So a corporate leader sent an assassin after you and Deeyan
sent you to us?"
"Considering how badly the first attack was bungled, it was
probably the government which organized it." No wonder he
admired Deeyan so much. They shared a joint distaste for
democracy.
"So what are you going to do?" I flopped next to him and we
gazed up at the sky. Every detail of the air cars was so
precise, despite their distance, the rays of sunlight hitting
their metallic surfaces, the beauty of the physical universe
merging with the sleek manmade designs.
"What have I done all my life? Been raised and trained by old
loyalists to be a monarch of a planet that doesn't want me."
The physical skill to lead his army, the interest in politics
to rule his country. He was undoubtedly well versed in
economics, history, social conventions...everything but a
practical profession. Raised with enough money for luxuries,
but isolated for his protection, fawned over by the remnants of
an aristocracy that couldn't allow the death of their glory
days. I could fill in the picture. With such an unnatural,
unbalanced childhood, no wonder he could be such an annoying
individual. He'd either learned to manipulate his handlers to
have a sense of control over his environment, or maybe they'd
trained him deliberately, assuming he'd need skill in power
plays.
"We're not so different. All my life, I've been raised and
trained to be a Jedi Knight. It's been bred in my bones. All
your life, you've been bred to be a ruler." I had faced hard
truth yesterday. It was time for Torson's. "But you can't. So
what do you want to do with your life? You're young,
intelligent, you'll have money. You can do anything you like."
"I can do anything I'd like. That's so easy to say, but like
you, I was bred for one profession. I want to rule. I want to
govern. I want to help my people." He was frustrated. "I don't
want to suddenly decide to be a lawyer, or a pilot, or a
businessman."
"Then run for election."
He stared. "Be a common politician?"
I arched an eyebrow back. "You mean you're good enough to rule
a planet because an ancestor thousands of years ago defeated
other people in battle, but you're not good enough to run for
office and let your people decide your worthiness?"
He stared back at the sky. "Can we stop talking and just feel
the Force?"
I didn't argue, concentrating on the divine sensation of the
Force caressing every sense. Maybe the Force would reveal his
path to him.
QUI-GON
The month was decidedly better than I originally expected when
presented with Torson. Our would-be King stayed on Jedi
grounds, usually accompanied by Obi-Wan or I. He should be safe
at the Academy, but anyone with enough money to purchase
Seekers might send other forms of electronic death. A Jedi
companion seemed wise. Mace or Yoda would spell us regularly,
so we could have time alone.
We talked, oh how we talked. My feelings toward Deeyan. Toward
Xanatos' betrayal. How we both felt when I spurned to take him
as Padawan. The early days of our relationships. Missions
together. My casual lovers. His. The first time I used the
Force trick, not on Deeyan but a fellow diplomat, and
experienced only the distaste of being a trophy. Every
insecurity, every over-confidence. The myriad details of our
lives, both small and large. Two people who lived together as
long as we had couldn't help but know each other. But we were
also two Jedi, who'd always struggled to subsume our human
responses to conform to the pristine image of our Order.
We harmonized so well as warriors, as negotiators, that too
much of our own individual personalities were unknown to each
other. We dispersed our feelings to the Force to control them,
without fully understanding ourselves. Now, I ruthlessly
dropped my shield of the all-wise Master and he exposed the man
behind the perfect Padawan. That month became one of the most
wonderful periods of my life, as I learned every hidden depth
of this man who'd been my faithful apprentice for so many
years, and allowed myself to reveal my own vulnerabilities with
a liberating freedom.
Torson and Obi-Wan bonded surprisingly well after their rocky
beginning. They spent hours meditating together. It became one
of the few items we didn't discuss, at Obi-Wan's request, to
preserve Torson's privacy. I respected that boundary, as
Obi-Wan respected the few limits I placed on our conversations.
We all three wrestled, honing our skill, and Torson was a
fascinated spectator to our lightsaber practice. Torson proved
to be a pleasant companion when he desired, making several
friends among the Padawans. They occupied an amazing amount of
time reading and arguing philosophy. The future seemed to weigh
heavily on his mind.
Escorting him home after his 21st birthday was almost
anti-climatic. We met with the representatives of the Yusani
government, Torson signing with a flourish the papers that
claimed his birthright.
He walked us back to the spaceport. "I shall miss you, both of
you."
Obi-Wan hugged him. "I had hoped you might reject your claim.
Disavow any claims to the monarchy. Let go of the past."
Torson smiled. "I contemplated it. I'm tired of being a
pointless symbol of a dead age. And I don't want my children to
suffer to same fate. But someone was willing to kill me and I
won't walk away. I intend to hang around, cause some problems,
find out who planned those attempts. They'll have to listen to
me."
"Maybe we should stay." Obi-Wan glanced my way as he made his
suggestion, knowing we had a mission.
Torson responded before I could. "No. All my life, others have
raised me to fit their vision of what my future should be. It's
time I started taking control. I'll do fine without protectors.
Besides, I wrote a very detailed legal will before leaving
Coruscant and had it registered here. Succeeding in killing me
now would cause severe problems with the government's plans."
I had to caution. "Be sure you can handle what you create."
"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing."
Though I'm not normally demonstrative in public, I hugged him,
hoping privately that his confidence wasn't misplaced. Torson
had become a very dear friend in many ways. Obi-Wan and I
boarded the transport vessel, heading to our cabin. Obi-Wan was
chuckling and shaking his head as we settled in. "Something
amuses you, my love?"
"I almost pity whoever tried to kill him. I don't think they
realize what they've created."
"You have such faith in him?"
Obi-Wan had dropped his cloak carelessly on a chair, and flung
himself back on the bed, locking his fingers behind his head.
"Yes, I do. I predict he will renounce his rights to the
throne, even his rights to his inherited assets when he can do
it as a grand gesture. He'll probably save it for his
presidential run. It will be rather nice."
"What will be?" I puttered around the cabin, stowing our
luggage, hanging Obi-Wan's cloak.
His was decidedly smug. "The balance of it. You can have a best
friend as a King and I'll have a President on the neighboring
planet. We'll never have to worry about finding a good spot for
a vacation."
"As long as a best friend is all he is."
Amused at my warning note, he asked, "Why, Qui-Gon, not jealous
are we?"
I halted at the side of the bed, watching his eyes sparkle.
He'd been working so diligently on his jealousy. Maybe it was
time for a matching gesture, to show I could relinquish some of
my authority.
OBI-WAN
I couldn't read Qui-Gon's thoughts as he looked down at me.
It's a Jedi asset, to mask your reactions. Qui-Gon could be too
successful around me. I was surprised when he dropped to his
knees and bowed his head. "My Lord, your army has defeated
mine. Spare the innocents and I am yours to command."
Surprised, but not slow in taking advantage of his offer,
sitting up on the side of the bed. I slid the tie out of his
hair, stroking my fingers through his long hair. "You'll obey
every order."
"Absolutely, my Lord. Completely and willingly." I heard a
touch of subdued pride under the humility.
I warned, "I shall be demanding. Very demanding." I was ready
to master that pride.
"As is your right as victor, my Lord."
"Then rise and strip yourself, my pet. I want to see my prize."
He was graceful, as always, slowing removing his clothes,
letting them fall to the floor in a pool of beige and brown,
his normal fastidiousness disregarded.
My hands trembled as I stroked his lean flanks, the taut
thighs, brushed fingertips over his penis. His naked form was
perfection itself, hard muscled and elegant. "You have a good
body for an older man."
"Thank you, my Lord."
"Not very much chest hair. That's excellent. I prefer smooth
skin." My hands moved up his torso as I stood, flicking on his
responsive nipples, stopping at his shoulders.
"I live to please you, my Lord."
"Then arouse me. If you are satisfactory, I'll treat your
people as kindly as my own. Disappoint me and they will suffer
the consequences."
Once again, he sank to his knees, disturbing my clothes only
enough to free my cock. He was skilled and he'd learned what
best pleased me. He used all his knowledge, alternating between
gentle touches on the delicate underside and a strong sucking.
I gasped when he ran his beard over my sensitive skin, the
short hairs prickly yet strangely exciting. That technique was
new. He took me fully into his mouth, his face pressed against
my curly hairs. He hummed, the vibration sending shivers from
my cock throughout my body. I would have fallen at my explosive
release, if not for his firm hands holding my hips, helping me
stand.
I wasn't ready to end this gratifying pretense yet. I doubted
it would become a normal part of our routine, just as I never
intended my pleasure boy escapade to become a common
expectation. I mastered myself enough to say coolly, "Quite
satisfactory, my conquered pet. I do believe I shall keep you.
Now rise and strip me. I mean to fuck you."
Our eyes connected as he stood. Beneath the facade of a
triumphant warrior, he could see my pure happiness in his
gesture. I could tell from the delight in his eyes. He trusted
and loved me enough to surrender his control, just as I trusted
and loved him enough to conquer my jealousy. That was all we
needed. Love and trust.