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Archive: Master and Apprentice

Series: LODT

Summary: Part four of LDOT. A few irregularities you may have noticed is explained.

Rating: PG-13

Categories: AU, Romance, Angst, Obi/Other

Warning: I know I haven't put Obi/Other on the others even though Obi is with Travis. But before it was just an acknowledgement Obi- wan had a lover. In this one it's a fair bit more obvious that they are together. Xanatos comes up again.

Disclaimer: Lucas owns Star Wars, I just borrow the characters. I make no money from this.

Feedback: As necessary as lemonade on a hot Summer day.

Obi-wan watched the ship dock into the ships hanger. The ship his lover, Travis was on. He knew that across the other side of the temple Qui-Gon would have already left. He felt torn as the ramp began to descend . Qui-Gon had become the kind of friend he never expected possible. He had come to mean more then a friend. Obi-wan smiled as he spotted Travis descending looking ragged, tired and very cranky. He loved Travis, he knew that he did. But he couldn't help but feel that it would wrong to use Qui-Gon's cherry chocolate sauce on his lover.

Obi-wan waited as Travis came up to him, welcoming his love home with a hug and a kiss.

'Force, what a mission.' Travis leaned tiredly against him. 'Still if I get a padawan, I know it will be worth it.' Obi-wan held his boyfriend closely.

'Considering what I've being up to, I wouldn't be surprised if I might be allowed a padawan too.' Obi-wan told him with a smile.

'Really?' Travis looked surprised and pleased. 'You have to tell me about it after the council briefing. I had best get it over and done with.' With a kiss, Travis was on his way. Obi-wan watched him go with a sigh. How did he solve this dilemma? In love with two men, one was his current lover, the other the famous Qui-Gon Jinn with whom he had no chance with even if he wasn't already with Travis. The gracious, modest and kind Master was still recovering from the death of his own lover Ruben and would have no interest in a young, brand new knight.

Travis came back from the council in a truly foul mood, so Obi-wan quietly filled up the bath tub and let Travis soak out his frustrations. Fingering the jar of cherry chocolate sauce Qui-Gon had given him before he had left absently.

'Oh, you have more of that sauce.' Travis came behind him wearing only a towel, wrapping warm arms about him. 'You have to tell me your source, this is very good stuff.' Travis took the jar. 'We should give it a taste test. Make sure the quality is still up to scratch.' Obi-wan let Travis take him into their bedroom and for awhile Obi-wan forgot that somewhere was a Jedi Master name Qui-Gon Jinn heading to a mission.

Three weeks later Qui-Gon held his light saber low but ready, watching Xanatos carefully, wearily as his former apprentice paced before him. He was completely surrounded by Xanatos's hired men, some fifty of them. He was trying not to worry about his life. Years had past since Qui-Gon had last seen his apprentice. The last time had being when Xanatos had turned, when he had pressed his Fathers burning ring against his face, the scar, a broken circle now mocking him from Xanatos cheek. Qui-Gon realized that he should have killed Xanatos then, while he had had the chance. Now his former apprentice was stronger then ever and the burning need for revenge the only thought in his mind.

'Did you really think I wouldn't seek my revenue Master?' Xanatos's ice blue eyes looked at his. 'All the time, all these years to set a trap, to wait for you to come, for the council to finally take notice and send the best Jedi Master in the temple. I knew you would come, and when you did I would have what I wanted. Revenue on you, revenue on the temple, revenue on the council.'

Qui-Gon stayed quite, simply listening to his former padawan rave.

'Don't you see, such careful planning, such skilful manipulating, waiting for the perfect time. All of it now lays right in my reach and I am going to savoir every moment of my triumph.'

'I wouldn't be so sure of success before you know you'll succeed.' Qui-Gon said quietly.

'Ah yes, Jedi wisdom, how feeling and meaningless.' Xanatos waved it aside. 'How can the temple save you when it will be trying to save itself soon enough and how will you save the temple when you're stuck here with me.' Xanatos looked very satisfied with himself.

'What do you mean?' Qui-Gon demanded.

'Oh, it's rather simple really. So very, very simple. It shows how foolish you Jedi really are. I heard that one of your young knights went on a Sef'pilom.'

'Travis.' Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes sharply.

'Ah, I should of known you would have known who, you must keep a close eye on him, worried that the temple would have an other traitor, someone like me who would turn.' Xanatos smiled. 'I couldn't get near him when he was on the mission of coarse. So many hidden Jedi prowling about, it wasn't safe. But as weeks past and nothing obviously or terribly wrong showed up, that was when I made my move. The Jedi had loosened their vigilance, long enough for me to get to the knight. It only took a singular moment. His mind was wondering on some innocent lover.' Qui-Gon refused to show even a flicker of response even as his mind speed. Lovely, beautiful Obi- wan was in danger. 'Ah, you didn't know about that did you Qui- Gon?' Xanatos said gleefully.

'A lover who, when my carefully hidden and heavily shielded mind suggestion is triggered, will know what it is like for just a few moments, what it is to be bonded to a dark Jedi. Just as you know. Knocked unconscious by the abrupt loss of a lovers bond since no bond can survive the turning of one of it's party, rendered powerless by the grief, heart ache and despair only you know and understand, and he will do nothing. Then do you know what will happen? Travis as you have named him will destroy the councilors and then the temple.

'At first nothing will seem amiss, but one by one, councilors will die, and all it will take is one well placed sonic bomb to destroy the Jedi and their temple. You, you will be here, you will know and you will be powerless. There is one thing you don't understand Master and never will. Personal motivation. Where something that means so much to you and you alone, that one thing that requires such selfishness, you would do anything to achieve it.' Qui-Gon stayed still. Surrounded by fifty men, he reluctantly surrendered his saber and let the force collar clasp his neck. He thought of Obi-wan, betrayed by his lover, who unknowingly carried Xanatos's powerful mind suggestion to destroy and kill.

//No Xanatos, I do know what personal motivation is and I will do everything to protect and help Obi-wan as I am able, and I am much more able then you may think.// Qui-Gon let himself be led into a cell and chained against a cold wall. Then he let his head fall back against the wall. He was a high ranking Jedi Master. He had undertaken training few others received, he had methods which no conventional Jedi did, and a trick that only the Dormask knew, that only Impeskilly knew and had taught him. Cut off from the force, he could not pull from its power.

But the force as the Jedi knew it was different to the one Dormask knew. Impeskilly called it the Negative force. The absence of life, the absence of energy, the lack of Force. Only a Dormask could use it and could teach others how to connect to it. This was Imp's true power and reason for being at the temple. Secret operatives like himself had to be taught it so in a situation like this, they could do what no normal Jedi could. Obtain a foreign power no other knew about. It wasn't dark, it was simply the reverse of the power Jedi learned and used all their lives.

It was that simple, and that tricky. Using life energies freely since birth, to let all that go and seek the absence of such energies was extremely difficult for a well trained Jedi. But it allowed the most important thing he needed, the ability to work with the lack of force, since the force itself had being cut from him by the collar. Impeskilly likened it to holofilms. The finished product looked like the original piece, but the negative film showed everything in the opposite colors. It was a truly disconcerting sensation for a Jedi.

Sunk in the negative force, Qui-Gon carefully sought Obi-wans mind. He had unfinished business here to settle first, he would get to Corascant as soon as he could, but maybe he could send enough of a warning, enough support to help Obi-wan, enough knowledge to stop Travis before anything disastrous could happen. He had never even attempted to touch the knights mind before this. He knew the knight well enough however to be able to find it. Carefully he eased his thoughts into the obviously sleeping man, he did not even dare to think of the possibility that Obi-wan was sleeping with Travis. The mere thought made him nauseous.

'Qui-Gon?' Obi-wan woke up in a start. 'What!' His lover shouted from beside him, sitting up in their bed beside him. Obi-wan rubbed his head as the dream, if that was what it was, came flying back into his head. 'I'm Travis, you're lover in case you've forgotten.' Travis sounded angry. But then Obi-wan had woken speaking another mans name when it was obvious Travis had being playing with his sleeping body.

'Some dream, but more then a dream.' Obi-wan frowned. 'I think he was actually trying to tell me something, but I was asleep. It was most strange.' Obi-wan rose from the bed and went to his meditation mat. 'I need to figure it out. He was trying to tell me something important I know it.'

'You had some dream about a phony of a Jedi Master and giving it credence?' Travis questioned angrily.

'I know Qui-Gon. Please Travis? Maybe it was just a dream but I need to be sure. I think there is some danger to the temple.' Obi- wan pleaded to his lover.

'Why you like that phony I will not understand.' Travis sighed in frustration. 'But if you really feel you must.'

'Thank you.' Obi-wan kissed Travis hard. 'I love you.'

'I should hope so. Not everyone would forgive their lover for speaking some others name, but I know you feel nothing for Jinn.' Obi-wan blinked, he was living a lie and he knew it. It was a very hard one to keep right at this moment. He loved both men equally, he couldn't give Travis up and he hated lying to him, he also loved Qui- Gon as hopeless as that was. He gave his head a shake and sank down on his mediation mat, he had a lot to think about.

The dream came back to him. *** "He became, almost like a son to me. We shared, or so I thought, everything with each other." Qui-Gon's words when he had spoken of his former apprentice came back to him. This time a face appeared. One with black hair, a long padawan plait, Jedi robes and ice blue eyes and Obi-wan knew without a doubt this was Qui-Gon's former apprentice.

"You have murdered my Father." The ice blue eyes so full of angry rage, it sent a shock chill down his spin. With bare hands the once padawan picked up a burning ring and pressed it against his cheek. The smell of burning flesh filled his nose and he watched the ring smolder against the cheek. A sense of wild madness, evil intensions, dark thoughts, deep betrayal and powerful rage filled his mind. The mind of Xanatos when he had turned. The mind Qui-Gon must has seen when his apprentice turned.

A new image replaced the old. An older vision of the one he'd just seen, the black hair now long, dressed in fancy clothing instead of a Jedi robe, the same ice blue eyes and the scar of a broken circle on his cheek.

'I knew you would come, and when you did I would have what I wanted . Revenue on you, revenue on the temple, revenue on the council.' This older version said to him, the icy hate staring out at him. ***

Obi-wan sat up straighter, somehow Qui-Gon's former apprentice was going to abstract his revenue on those he saw as his enemy. Obi-wan was certain of it. Qui-Gon, the council, the Jedi temple and the Jedi within it, all of them were in trouble. Obi-wan concentrated.

*** Next he felt Qui-Gon's determination to deal with his turned apprentice himself and the knowledge that he would finish what he should have done a long time ago and strike down the dark Jedi and his confidence in his ability to do so.***

Obi-wan took a deep breath. Worry for the Master clambered in his brain. Qui-Gon maybe the best Jedi in the order, but Obi-wan could not help but be concerned as he loved the Master as he did Travis. He had to trust the Master was capable as he finished his dream.

*** Obi-wan got the sense that his lovers mind had being tampered with and the bond he shared with Travis would be ripped from his mind, then the next words echoed chillingly. "Travis as you have named him will destroy the councilors and then the temple. At first nothing will seem amiss, but one by one, councilors will die, and all it will take is one well placed sonic bomb to destroy the Jedi and their temple.' Qui-Gon's former apprentice said. ***

That then would be his task as Qui-Gon tackled his turned apprentice. Keep an eye on his own lover. Spy on Travis. Find out how his love had being tampered with by the once Jedi and stop disaster from occurring. With an inner determination to make sure nothing wayward occurred, Obi-wan drew his love for both men close to his chest. He suspected he would need the love of both to survive what was to come.

'Travis?' He called as he got to his feet.

'Tell me it was just a dream.' His loves voice filtered down from within the shower.

'You were right, it was just a dream.' Obi-wan lied his second lie. He would keep a careful watch of his love.

'Join me?' Travis called. Obi-wan paused. As much as he loved Travis, the idea of making love to a ticking time bomb didn't exactly appeal to him and he felt as if he would betraying Qui-Gon's trust in him. Obi-wan gave a wry shake of his head. His life had gotten a lot more complicated since he'd become a knight. He couldn't just blame Qui-Gon, nor Travis for this. It was his fault too, he was the one who fell in love twice, with two different men, at the same time. "At least Qui-Gon only had one lover at a time." He thought ironically. But the best way to keep a close eye on Travis was by being with him and his love couldn't help that his mind had being fiddled with, he loved Travis too much to deny him. He would be ready when things started changing, for now he was happy just to love Travis.

Qui-Gon sighed, he hoped he'd done enough for Obi-wan, that he was warned enough. But he had himself to worry about as well. Still concentrating on the negative force, he unlocked his chains and worked then loose so he stumbled onto the floor, free. He looked around. He could tell by the shine of the walls that this cell was also neutralized of the force, so that, even if he got free of the chains and his collar, the cell would keep him in. Undoubtedly a guard was also out the door. Qui-Gon looked around. There was an alarm wired in the cell. It would probably be triggered if he accessed the force and that would tell Xanatos he had managed to free himself from his chains and collar.

Qui-Gon smiled, looking up at the ledge which held up the chains. Secure in the negative force, he removed his collar and placed it in the center of the room. With a leap, he landed up on the narrow ledge. His saber might of being taken, but that didn't bother him as he snapped the chain from the bolt holding it from the wall and brought its length into his hands. The use of non combat weapons was a specialty of his. It didn't deflect bolts, nor could he shoot bolts in return, but a heft crack of a heavy chain to the head would be enough to kill.

He didn't care about guards, he didn't care if he died. He was only concerned that the menace he had allowed free once, would not be free to attempt this again. His goal now was to end the life of one who would destroy everything dear to him and put an end to his evil plans for once and for all. If he must die to do this, then he would have paid fairly for allowing Xanatos his freedom to destroy life all these years.

Resolute, Qui-Gon snuck further into the negative force, knowing this would make him all but invisible to anyone trying to seek him out using the force. Then he sent a suggestion to the guard outside to open the cell and check on the prisoner. The door opened and a guard come in seeing no prisoner and the force collar on the ground. He bent down to pick it up. Qui-Gon leapt over the top of the guard, bringing his chain down. Hard enough to cause unconsciousness, not hard enough to kill.

Taking the force collar, he clipped it onto the guards throat. Stripping, he quickly changed his uniform for the guards. Glad they were of similar shape. Using spare chain to tie the guard where he had being. Then used the negative force to reseal the length of chain to it's bolt on the wall. He took the cell key card and the guards blaster. Then took up station outside of his own cell. When the next guard came, he checked that a life form fitting the right shape and with the right uniform was chained and secure in the cell before relieving Qui-Gon of his post.

It was times like this Qui-Gon was glad he had undertaken specialized training as he followed other guards who had finished their shift. No one questioned that he looked different, maybe there was a high change over of guards. With Xanatos it wouldn't surprise him. Qui- Gon watched as each guard went into their quarters. Qui-Gon thought quickly. He used the negative force to delve which of these quarters had a lock which matched the signature of his key card. Finding the lock, he ran the card through, smiling in relief when the door slid open to reveal simple, neat quarters.

With only a pause to glance around, he went to the tidy desk and opened the first draw, then removed a small file that was inside. Opening it he had to grin. It appeared his former apprentice was as organized and particular about being on time as he ever was. It was a timetable, telling him the guards name, where he was stationed for the next two weeks and where a bouts. Over the page was a map of the sector he was working in and highlighted was the places he had to guard. Qui-Gon made sure to note relaxation facilities, the refresher and dining area as well.

Xanatos obsession to have everything organized, perfect and fitted down until it was prevision perfect had being a strength when he was a padawan, now it was a weakness, one to exploit.

Obi-wan may have tried to convince himself he was prepared, was ready as he watched Travis's every move. But no one could ever prepare him for what happened. It started so slowly, he wasn't sure when he sensed something was not quite right with Travis. But he turned sharply to his lover seated at the kitchen table the moment he understood.

'Travis? Are you alright?' He probed cautiously. Brown eyes turned to him and behind them he saw something else was now controlling his love. If he hadn't sensed from the warning Qui-Gon sent of what his former apprentices mind was like, he would have thought his lover had turned to the dark. But Travis he knew, was no creature of the dark, for all his cranky temper. A mindless evil, a blinding rage and almost insane fury flooded into his mind through his lovers bond.

If Obi-wan didn't know that the mind he now felt was not actually that of the man he loved, he would have turned insane as with a shocking abruptness the bond he shared with his love ripped apart. The shock of the sudden removal of his bond sent him reeling. Even Obi-wan couldn't prevent the grasp of unconsciousness that swarmed his head.

Some days later Qui-Gon had snuck into Xanatos private quarters, from his vantage point he wanted Xanatos. He waited until his apprentice was alone, back turned, concentrating on his terminal before he silently opened the ventilation grill, landing silently on the ground. He eyed the terminal and withheld the gasp that threatened to betray his prescience. Xanatos had access to the temple security cameras. One screen showed Travis stalking Even Piell, the other showed Obi-wan lying unconscious on a hospital bed. Xanatos watching it gleefully, the dark vibes of evil pleasure notable even in the negative force.

'They have underestimated my ability for so many years, ah Master if you could see me at my full brilliance now. You would be horrified.' Qui-Gon stepped forward, negative force bindings quickly fasting around Xanatos wrists and ankles as he brought what chain he had left to wrap about Xanatos' neck.

Xanatos struggled, eyes flashing up to see him.

'You underestimate the Jedi.' Qui-Gon said quietly.

'Master?' There was no hiding Xanatos shocked surprise.

'Did I not once tell you, never to underestimate anyone unless you were sure you knew every one of their tricks. Do you really think seven years as an apprentice is enough to learn of every secret the Jedi hide? I know things you never will, and that shall be you're ultimate failure.' Qui-Gon said coldly.

'What does it matter, can't you see, you're too late, an other live destroyed by my mind suggestion, an other about to be by his hand, and one innocent lover unconscious and betrayed by the one he thought loved him. He will never recover, just as you have never recovered from my betrayal.' Xanatos laughed cruelly and Qui-Gon felt a pang that this was what his bright padawan had become.

'No.' He said quietly. 'I have recovered. Nothing is more powerful then personal motivation and I will not let you wreck the lives of three people for your perverse revenue.' Reaching across distance, he again searched for Obi-wans mind. It was quiet and still, the ripped bond had traumatized the young mind, but in Obi-wans mind was the certainty that it wasn't the mind of his lover that had turned evil. Also was the certainty that he loved Travis and that Travis still loved him.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and his heart to the grief that rose in him to know this. Using this certainty to help heal the mental damage, Obi-wan came awake on the terminal screen. One name on his lips.

'Qui-Gon.'

'Nnnooo!' Xanatos screamed 'What have you done?' His former padawan writhed in his chair, but Qui-Gon kept the bindings tight, he would not let this dark creature free from his grasp again. He tightened the chain around Xanatos neck.

'I never told you that I've met Obi-wan several times did I?'

'Kill me then murderer, but you won't leave here alive.' Xanatos screamed. 'The guards are on their way, I have this entire place rigged to blow up the moment my supervisors think you can escape.'

'If my death saves the lives of innocents, then so be it.' Qui-Gon chocked of any response Xanatos had to that, holding the chains grimly for long moments. A Jedi could survive several moments without breathing if they had to. But eventually Xanatos fell into a death-like trance. There was no way he could fool a Jedi. Qui-Gon loosened his grip, raised the chain up, and brought it down on the venerable head with a loud, wet crack.

A moment later guards spewed into the room. Satisfied that Xanatos was dead, Qui-Gon met them with a clear mind and calm heart. He had done that which he should have done a long time ago. If he died, so be it. But he would fight to the very end and he certainly would not surrender. With steal determination, Qui-Gon relentlessly battled with the guards. Weapon less, he did his best to miss being hit and strike down the ones that were the better shooters first, but he could not miss every shot nor did he have time to knock down every guard with a blaster. His mind on escape.

He wanted, if at all possible, to get back to Corascant, back to the temple, to make sure everything ended well for Obi-wan. Once he was sure Obi-wan was alright, then he could move on.

Obi-wan woke up, sensing Qui-Goons mind.

'Qui-Gon.' He murmered softly. The feeling immediately went away and he sat up, head swimming a moment as memory flooded back.

'Oh force.' He gapped in mindless shock a moment. His pounding head reminding him of the torn bond between him and Travis. With that reminder that his lover was acting against his will, that a mind suggestion powerful enough to make him act against his nature, controlling him. Obi-wan made himself get up. He had to stop Travis before he killed someone. Trying not to think of the possibility that he might of had already.

He quickly moved down corridors, trying to find where he lover was. It seemed hopeless as the temple was so big and nobody seemed to know where he was and kept trying to send him back to the healers since they had heard of his sudden 'collapse'. But finally he heard the hum of sabers and followed it to an out of the way corridor. He spied Travis facing down a surprised Even Piell who held his own light saber. Obi-wan took his own saber to hand but left it off, he didn't want to fight his own lover.

'Travis?' He said quietly as he stepped forward. Travis glanced at him, eyes wide and driven by a mind not his own.

'Stay away young knight, I can handle this.' Even stepped forward. Obi-wan ignored the councilor and stepped directly before his love. If Travis attacked, he would be killed. Travis had no orders to directly kill him, this he knew from Qui-Gon.

'Travis listen to me. A powerful suggestion has being put in your mind. You have being targeted by a dark Jedi, a turned Jedi. This isn't you. I know you aren't a dark person, you never wanted to kill anyone.'

'A suggestion?' Even said sharply. 'The only turned Jedi capable of such powerful mind suggestion...'

'Is Qui-Gon's former apprentice?' Obi-wan suggested. 'That's who did it.' Even's look changed.

'I need to get in his mind. I should be able to remove the suggestion.' Obi-wan nodded.

'Travis. I know you don't want this.' Obi-wan let his finger trail up Travis's saber arm. 'I love you. I love a good Jedi knight. Not an evil, twisted one. Do you love me Travis?' Obi-wan put a pleading note in his voice. 'Do you trust me? I can help you, turn you away from this darkness inside your mind, lower your shield to me my love, let me seek out that darkness and kill it.' Something stirred in those eyes and almost involuntarily, shields lowered.

With a nod at Even he knew the councilor had taken advantage of the lowered shields. A moment past, then suddenly the darkness, the evil, the rage vanished. Brown eyes blinked blankly once, then suddenly anguish, horror and fear stared out of his lovers eyes.

'Shh love, it wasn't you.' Obi-wan placed a hand on Travis's cheek. 'Sleep.' Travis slumped to the floor at his gentle mind command.

'Good job, how did you know?'

'Qui-Gon sent me a warning.' Obi-wan shrugged.

'Qui-Gon?' Even looked startled by this. 'What's Qui-Gon to do with it?'

'Qui-Gon got captured by his former padawan, he had to let someone know what was happening. I think he choose me because he wanted me to know I wasn't betrayed by Travis as he was by his padawan. Wanted to give me some assurance that the real enemy would be dealt with by him.' Obi-wan gave a frown of worry. 'I hope he's alright.'

'I'll make sure of it.' Evan vowed.

Obi-wan was sitting beside his sleeping lover. Travis had done little but sleep the last couple of days. His lover was finding what he had done very difficult to grasp with. Obi-wan could understand that. It wasn't often your mind got taken control of by an evil, dark being. Travis felt as if it was all his fault, Obi-wan gave him the best assurances he could. Reminding his love just how much he did love him over and over again. It seemed to help. But the guilt, the blame, the inner hate was eating at Travis and Obi-wan was powerless to help him find inner peace and a form of acceptance with all that had happened.

Obi-wan was having enough trouble accepting his own inner turmoil. His lover seemed determined to waste his life away, becoming a wrath like shadow of his former self. From Qui-Gon no news had being heard from at all. If Obi-wans love for Travis was making seeing his love starve himself to death hard, his love for the unheard from Master was making it doubly hard. "Double the love, double the people, double the hurt." Obi-wan wiped away tears. He wasn't sure what he was going to do.

If one died, he would be beside himself with grief. If both died, he wasn't sure he wanted to live without either of them in his life. If they both lived, how in the force could he ever try to choose one or the other? He wasn't even sure if Qui-Gon felt anything for him. But he could no longer live his lie, of that he was certain.

He was startled from his thought as healers quickly entered the ward. Hurriedly pulling in a stretcher. Obi-wan caught a glimpse but instinctively knew it was Qui-Gon. Rising hurriedly, he rushed to the operating rooms, halted by a door, Obi-wan peered in through the small window. The first thing he noticed was the blood. Lots of blood pouring out of numerous small and large wounds.

He drew in a ragged breath. "Oh please Force, let him be OK." He thought as he watched the healers work quickly set to work. Obi-wan swallowed down bile as he caught a glimpse of a large blaster wound on Qui-Gon's stomach, intestines showing. A second healer was trying to remove a long piece of snapnel from Qui-Gon's chest. He didn't need a healer to tell him that one leg had being shattered. A long gash worked up one forearm. Obi-wan hoped it had missed main arteries. The face was a mess of cuts and bruises, and a large wound bleed on Qui-Gon's temple. Those were just the main injuries he could see.

He had no doubt there were injuries he could not see.

'What are you doing here?' A healer pulled at his arm. 'Get away from there.'

'Qui-Gon?' His voice cracked in anguish.

'We will do what we can, you worry about you're lover.'

'I love them both.' Obi-wan struggled, trying to see more as the healer pulled him away.

'We will bring news as soon as we can.' The healer soothed. 'Go back to Travis and watch over him. It maybe many hours before we have any news on Qui-Gon.' Obi-wan was gently but firmly taken away and gently and firmly sat down next to Travis. Obi-wan curled up in his chair and started to rock back and forth. Worrying was one thing, actually seeing was something else. Obi-wan was suddenly very, very fearful he would be left alone. His lover didn't want to live, after what he had done, and Qui-Gon was obviously seriously injured.

Obi-wan curled up tighter. His love for both was equally strong and the knowledge both could die, not just might, but could sent a rush of despair he could not contain. He sobbed himself into a restless sleep.

'He's in bacta, but you can see him.' Obi-wan sighed in relief. That meant at least Qui-Gon was still alive. He quickly followed the healer to the bacta tanks. Quickly spying out Qui-Gon. Obi-wan hurriedly went over to the unconscious man. A long line of stitched skin showed where the blaster bolt had being. Stiches along the gash on the arm, a patch over where the snapel had being. The ribs were bound and a brace held the back straight. The leg was cast and a shoulder brace held a shattered collar bone and disjointed shoulder in place. A knee brace was on the other leg. Qui-Gon was covered in other more 'minor' patched up cuts and bruising was evident all over the tall frame. A wrap went around the wound on Qui-Gon's head.

'What are his chances?' Obi-wan ran a hand over the glass of the tank.

'Slim. Broken back, broken ribs, broken leg. All of that with time could heal, he could be as good as new. The snapnel came close to his main chambers, his heart beat is very weak. The worst is the blow to his head. Cracked skull, swelling in the brain, possible brain damage. He could fall into a coma and never wake. His brain activity is very slow. Not a good sign.' Obi-wan nodded silently. Memorizing every aspect of Qui-Goons form.

A form he had never touched, as much as he had wanted to sometimes. He eyed the Masters heavy manhood wistfully. The possibility of never knowing this man's love was something that lay profoundly on his heart. It warred with the possibility of having to live without Travis's love. Two loves, two men. Obi-wan was torn and had to recognise his choose maybe taken from him before he even had a chance to decide. It was heart wrenching. But while both lives hung in precarious balance, he could not bring himself to choose.

They were both precious to him and he wanted both to live.

Days turned into weeks and the healers took some pity on his dilemma. When Qui-Gon was taken out of bacta, his stretcher was put in the same room as Travis's so Obi-wan could keep vigilance over both men. Long past the need of food and sleep. Obi-wan could only sit and wait restlessly as one continued to waste away, eaten by guilt and inner hate by one side, while on the other side another refused to wake.

Obi-wan sat watching Qui-Gon take unsteady breaths in and out, the healing ribs putting pressure on a weak heart and damaged lungs. Obi- wan's own heart lived in his throat for each and every breath, more then half-afraid that each one might be Qui-Gon's last.

'Obi-wan?' A weak voice spun his head and he glanced down at a weak, thin and pale Travis.

'Travis, you're awake again.' Obi-wan sobbed and hugged his love close. Tears spilling in thankfulness. 'My love.' He kissed the pale forehead.

'Don't,' Travis weakly pushed him away. 'Don't deserve...'

'Always deserve my love, hear me? Always!' Obi-wan declared venomously.

'No, hurt you, tried to kill the council, was going to destroy the temple.' Tears of painful remembrance tracked down that pale, sunken in face.

'Wasn't you! You would never want to do that.'

'Listen please. Just listen.' Travis pleaded. 'I've never being as good to you as you deserved.'

'No! Don't say that. You are who I want, the one I love.' Obi-wan declared tearfully.

'It's true, my terrible temper. My possessive jealousy, my resentful nature. I've made you hurt for things you couldn't help.'

'None of that matters. I'm as equal to blame for my temper, my stubbornness.' Obi-wan told him.

'Sshh love, just listen alright.' Travis coughed weakly. 'The mission where I had to be rescue by a Master, Master Cer'mith. I, well I made a lot of mistakes, I did things a Jedi never does and thought I could get away with it. But I ended up in worst a mess then I could handle. Master Cer'mith found out all about what I had done, using mind control, playing with people's minds and memories to get the mission done sooner, quicker. I wanted to get home, get back to you after your knighting. Be with you, love you and become your lover.' Travis looked up at him with such tearful love and want that Obi-wan hugged and kissed him.

'It's alright love.' Obi-wan forgave.

'In my haste, my selfishness, I forget the most important Jedi rule of all. The end never justifies the means to get there. I hurt and manipulated many others because I was so focused on reaching to the end. The temple and you.' Travis gulped down a sob. 'I knew when Master Cer'mith got hold of me I was in a lot of trouble. I tried to brush you off, but then you treated me so nicely and I felt so guilty for having done such terrible things, I allowed myself to find some salvation in your love. I took my own guilt and self hate against the temples most revered Jedi, Master Jinn because I could not find some other way to release my own feelings of unworthiness.

'I tried to find away to hold Master Cer'mith's silent. Flattering him, flirting with him, showering him with all power of sexuality that I have.' Travis struggled with himself as he forced himself to say this.

'I still love you.' Obi-wan held his lover close. 'Nothing will ever change that.'

'He knew what I was doing. It had to be my misfortune that he recognized my attempts to seduce him immediately. "One does not grew up with a eleven year old homosexual year mate without knowing the signs." He said to me once.' Travis said to him. Obi-wan flicked a look to Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon had said he was homosexual that young, that his year mates had grown up with him, had gotten use to him.

'When the next mission came, when the council said that if I pass this I would get my padawan, I knew it was a test. I knew I would have to be extra careful. Watch what I did, what I said. It was a chance to try to redeem what I did, what I had done.' Travis swallowed slightly. 'I took my time to make sure I did it right, that I behaved as a Jedi should. I tied so hard.' Travis lost his voice a moment. 'But a few days before the end, I bumped into a tall fellow in a black cloak. Something happened, at the time I didn't know what. I knew something was not quite right and couldn't quiet put a finger on it.' Travis shook in guilt and his helpless frustration of not being able to stop what had happened.

'How could you know?' Obi-wan soothed gently.

'Then I was back here, I thought I had paid for my mistake, that everything would be alright. I had redeemed myself and I had you. I did not need anything else. Everything was perfect. I forgot the nagging sense something was not right. I allowed myself to be complacent. Then one morning at breakfast, it started, a growing darkness, evil thoughts, dark plans. I couldn't stop it, had no control. All I could think of was to kill the council, destroy the temple. My mind was being taken over, and I looked at you but it wasn't me that saw you.' Travis was weeping openly at this.

'My mind screamed and resisted, I knew what had happened. A powerful dark presence had planted a suggestion in my mind to allow his in and take control. Even as I screamed in my mind, I knew I was paying my price for mind controlling and manipulating all those people.' Travis chocked back a sob. 'I knew in the instance he had gained control, what I had done to those innocents in my foolish selfishness. I knew the damage I had done. The distant knowledge of something that was or was not suppose to be there, in you're mind. The emptiness of a not quite memory, the elusive terror of not quite feeling like something, someone else had seen you're most private moments and had altered them, the allusive fear of sensing vaguely that someone had the power to delve into you're head and change it.'

Travis had worked himself in a true hysterical state, tearing at his hair as Obi-wan worriedly tried to hold the writhing body still.

'I was going to kill, destroy everything that held precious to me for my foolishness that I could do that to others and not have it effect them, their lives. My arrogance, my selfishness was going to cause the death of all Jedi.'

'It wasn't your fault.' Obi-wan had tears running down his own eyes at seeing his love in such a state.

'But it is! Can't you see? If I had never done those things, never used dark means to reach a selfish end. If I hadn't want so desperately to be back with you after your knighting. I would never have being tested, never put under suspicion and watched. I attracted not only the attention of the council but one of more evil means and intentions. His mind was in mine. I knew what he thought. He had come because he had hoped to turn me. He had come because he knew I was under suspicion, that I was being tested. When he looked in my mind and saw he couldn't turn me, he simply took control of it. Then left me to go back to the temple and start my rampage. It is my fault.' Travis wept brokenly.

'You made mistakes love. Everyone makes them, I make them, Masters makes them, all Jedi have made past mistakes. You can only learn and move on.' Obi-wan said gently. 'I love you, nothing could ever change that.'

Travis looked at him. 'I don't deserve you, or your love. Dear Obi- wan. I can at least be one with the force knowing you have forgiven me, that you loved me.' That was when Obi-wan noticed Travis looked more then a little blue about the lips, his nose and ears were white.

'Travis?' Obi-wan grapped a cold hand fearfully, finger tips had a bluish tinge to them. 'Don't, stay! I love you!'

'Too late my love. I only stayed long enough to explain. To ask forgiveness. I'm to far gone to save. I can only ask the force for redemption.'

'No!' Obi-wan cried out as brown eyes fluttered closed. 'No, don't die! Love, please, don't leave me. Oh Force, please.'

'There is no death.' Travis whispered. His breath becoming more shallow, his heart beat erratic.

Obi-wan held Travis close, holding both hands, trying to will warmth back in their tips. Head resting against a frail, thin shoulder.

'He took more then my mind, Obi-wan.' Travis rasped so softly he could hardly hear. 'He destroyed my soul. I am already gone in everything but body. Let me go.' Obi-wan could only sob as the life faded from his lover.

'I love you.' He chocked out, sobbing helplessly until the world blacked out.