Master Apprentice  Archive Concerned and Confused on Bandomeer |
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Pairing: Q/O
Rating: PG-13?
Warning: Silliness ahead
Summary: Another letter to the heart healer.
Category: Humor
Series: Follows Obi-Wan's letter, Waiting and Hoping on Bandomeer
Dear Heart Healer,
Ever since we arrived on Bandomeer, my Padawan's been ecstatic one minute and down in the dumps the next. I know, it's hard to be a teenager especially with the added pressure of being a Padawan. He's expected to make life and death decisions on a daily basis. He has to concentrate on piloting a variety of transport vehicles. He has to study and remain at the peak of physical fitness. He must be polite to the natives who find him amazingly attractive.
So, how can I help him perform his duties, become less moody and basically a happier person? I don't want to come on as a know-it-all Master. You know the sort who constantly says, "Been there, done that." I want to be someone to whom he can confide his deepest desires and his worst fears. You would think I'd be good at this Master business by now. But, I have a confession to make. I'm more than a little worried. My first Padawan turned to the Dark Side. Now, I suppose I'm overcompensating with this one. Help!
Concerned and Confused on Bandomeer
Archivist's Note: Azarad posted this letter on the M_A list, and got several replies to it. All the replies are contained below.
Dear Menopausal Master,
What a treat. What a mood-lifter. Here truly is positive proof that no matter how icy and domineering a person, no matter how prone to sour, emotion-free, occasionally homicidal childrearing he might be, there is always hope that middle age will turn him into a drooling, rhuemy-eyed softie.
Welcome to your dotage, august sir! How the years have flown! Gone are the merry days when you could murder a man in cold blood before the stunned eyes of his son without going off your feed, but don't fret. To everything there is a season, after all. Now doubt you now spend your discretionary time watching parenting videos or the top 40, so as to remain in sync with the fuzzy-pated moppet who has melted your heart, and that's just as it should be. You deserve a little happiness at home.
How mellow you've become withal! It does one good to see it, really. Of course your golden years may yet have a bump or two in store - such as the dread hour when those you have wronged return from well-paid obscurity to smash your hoar head like a melon and dance the pieces into the very ground. They might even choose to vent a little spleen upon the darling of your old age, rending him to ribbons while you mewl and plead for his life, the pampered little maggot...
But then again, they might not. They might have board meetings to attend and aquisitions to plan and retirement funds to plunder, and they simply might not be able to pencil you in. Hard to say.
Well, just wanted to drop a line and wish you cheer on the threshold of senility. Please continue to keep the holo community at large apprised of your personal domestic quandaries, won't you? It's great food for thought.
Ever yours,
Post Traumatic But Able to Buy and Sell Both of You 1,000,000,000,000xs Over And Keenly Tempted to Do Just That
by Cynthia Martin - YCYMartin@aol.com
Concerned and Confused, are you?
And well you should be! In love, your Padawan is! Plain to see, this is, if only look you would! Discover the one he longs for, you must, if help him you will.
If overcompensating because of your fallen apprentice you are, then more honest with this one you must be. Clouded, his future is. In the relationship between Master and Padawan, lack of sharing leads to distrust, distrust leads to silence, silence leads to suffering. Already suffering, your Padawan is. Break the silence between you, you must, at all costs. Find out his heart's desires and, if within your power, give them to him. Overstressed the boy is! Unhealthy he will become! Wish this, I can tell you do not.
Heart Healer this month, I am. Heed my words, you should. Help you, they will.
LGT from Dagobah
by The Rose - rosarocaminis@yahoo.com
Dear Concerned,
I hope you don't mind me answering this, but I am serving as the Little Green Tr—ah, as the Heart Healer's aide this month, and --- well, I read your letter.
Being a teenager doesn't excuse your Padawan's behavior. Making important decisions, piloting, studying, and remaining physically fit are all things he has been taught from the creche. Obviously, this boy just doesn't have the stuff necessary to be a Jedi.
My humble advice is to dump the little oaf and get yourself a real Padawan. Someone who will respect you and serve the Order, not someone obviously caught up in his fears. There are several excellent candidates just waiting for the right Master. I'm sure if you return to Coruscant, you will find the perfect one for you.
Respectfully, A Concerned Initiate/Padawan Hopeful
by The Rose - rosarocaminis@yahoo.com
My Quiggle-Pooh,
Why is my Quiggy-Mastie wreaking his beautiful brain over a Padawan, hm? Sure, you turned one to the Dark Side, and that was very naughty of my Snuggle-Gon. But you, as well as I, know, deep in your heart, what is troubling you. Don't you?
Questions like " Will he be enough to fill my heart and my ass? Is his love (i.e. his cock) strong and enduring, hard and lasting? Will his love (i.e. his cock) ever make me scream and shout with joy as does the love (i.e. *the* cock) of my special little councilor who is my equal and not just a pup like this young man I'm pining for?"
You have been taken very ill, my lovely poor snugglebunny! You don't even remember that Xana-Tussy was your *second* Padawan, not your first! You need help, Quiggle-Pooh, and I am all if not helpful. I am on the Council, after all!
I want to see my Jedi strife, be merry and full of bliss, and you are far from that due to the influence of your new apprentice. I say - TIME OUT!
Leave the young man to AgriCorp. They will teach him about the birds and the bees until he'll be ready to face his true future - as a pleasure worker for all those starving SW chicks out there. I see it as clear as I know my own scalp! His destiny is with satine pleasures and frivolous offers to appear on talk shows, pimping his latest flick..
You, my dearest fuckbuddy, you belong under my sheets and be shown the instrument of truth - my enormous, hard, strong, and already twitching cock!
Qui-Gon - COME HOME (i.e. into my bed)
Your untiring, caring, passionate and well-endowed "Maceynator"!
by Master Windu - master_windu65@yahoo.com
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