Master Apprentice Archive Let It Fall Quick search:

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: DPS story.

Archive: Yes.

Summary: "My, my, this here Anakin guy/May be Vader someday later..."

Notes: The first line is borrowed from The Calling's "Wherever You Will Go."

"If a great wave shall fall, it will fall upon us all." I glance from you to the boy, and know where my place in the Force is, where my place in you is.

I have just had my life's vision, and it closes with me waiting out the years on desert sands while the boy you chose ravaged the worlds with his mind and terrorized the peoples with his power.

I do not choose that fate. Rather would I die now, rather would I leave the boy in your hands, than take him in my own. He is dangerous, Master. Dangerous for me to touch, to guide, to handle. He may not be for you.

I close my eyes in meditation and always see the same thing, the Sith you fought on Tatooine returning, and you dying, and I promising to train the child at your last command. I am helpless before your requests, you know that, Master, and yet you would demand this world-destroying thing of me.

I open my eyes, and see nothing but a charming child and a blissfully unaware Master. I shake my head as I ponder what I must do.

I am the only one who knows. I am the only one who can do anything about the fate that speeds toward us as surely as we speed toward Naboo.

"Jedi Obi-Wan, what is it that troubles you?" It is the voice of the young handmaiden Padme, in her flame-colored robes. She sees deep, like me.

"Anakin," I blurt out before I can think, and instantly regret the word, for she likes Anakin. Who doesn't like Anakin?

Her brow furrows. "Go on." 

"He feels...wrong, in the Force, somehow."

"The Force!" She laughs. "Deep matters, Jedi. Too deep for me, I see more simply."

"What do you see?" I ask it humbly, for I am desperate for an answer, a confirmation.

"I see a child who is afraid."

"That --" I begin, but she cuts me off, raising her hand.

"Of not being in control."

And of course she has arrived at the answer. My face suddenly clears, and she smiles. "Was that your answer, Jedi?"

"Yes, I think." I dip my head slightly. "I thank you."

She leaves without another word, and I go back to my thoughts.

Afraid of not being in control. And of course fear leads to anger, anger to hate, and hate to Darkness and suffering and leaving the worlds broken like children's toys.

I could not teach him to learn to let go, for my own fears lie in that area. You, my Master (and I smile as I remember), are far better than I at living in the moment.

And with that thought my decision is made.

Quietly, I return to my own quarters. I set my things in order and I write a note, simple, short, and to the point. I tell you that I love you, and that I do not do this out of despair or anger, but from a Force-vision. I send a message to the Council expressing my regret and warning them of what I have seen.

Then I don my robe and straighten my Jedi clothing. I lie down on the bed and place my lightsaber against my heart.

If a great wave shall fall, let it fall. I refuse to be part of it. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and let brilliant blue flash through my body.