Learning To Trust: A Story in the Vaartuslik Series
by Katrinka (katrinka@flash.net)
Archive: master_apprentice, OKEB and my homepage only. Anyone
else, just ask.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: This story is A/U, which means the Vaartuslik series
tramples all over cannon.
Category: A/U, Angst, NC-17 for lots of sex
Summary: Obi-Wan's trouble sleeping leads to new discoveries.
Feedback: Mesa begs for feedback!
Authors note: I only plan for three more stories in the
Vaartuslik series (not including this one!)
Thanks to: Marnee for Beta'ing this!
More thanks to: Plot Readers: Saraid, Thia, and Steph, who tore
apart this story and helped make it better!
Obi-Wan lay beside his Master. He tried to keep his mind on
other things. Tried to tell his penis that there were other
things for him to think of, besides the well-muscled body, the
thought of making love to that body. The way that Qui-Gon would
arch back before he came. The way his Master would hold him
afterwards. The whispers of his lover's breath on his forehead.
//Stop it!// he told himself. //You're going to come all over
the sheets!//
Friends, they were just friends. That meant that Obi-Wan had to
stay on his side of the bed. He had to quit lusting after his
Master. The past was just that, the past. Their relationship as
lovers was over. His job was to learn to accept the truth. He
was tired of cold showers. He had taken so many that Qui-Gon
called him a fish. It was either a shower or he would walk
around with a permanent hard-on.
That was the problem -- they needed some time with no missions.
Qui-Gon had promised Obi- Wan a holiday, after they went to
Coruscant, as they both needed a vacation. The only problem was
that Obi-Wan had to face Mace Windu.
Qui-Gon rolled over against his Padawan. His cock was large,
pressing into Obi-Wan's side, and he gasped as the hardness
rubbed against him. Then the Master put his arm around Obi-Wan,
pulling him close. He could smell Qui-Gon's musk, faint,
earthy. The way that older man smelled only when aroused.
//Sleeping, Master's sleeping. He doesn't really want this,//
Obi-Wan reminded himself as Qui- Gon began to nuzzle his neck,
giving Obi-Wan small love bites. //It will leave a mark.//
"Obi-Wan, I've missed you...," the older man said in his sleep,
long fingers running over Obi-Wan's body, stroking, caressing.
Qui-Gon's fingers began to manipulate the younger man's penis
with an expertise that made him gasp. Obi-Wan felt his control
leave him. He wanted, needed Qui-Gon's touch.
Obi-Wan brought his hand to the back of Qui-Gon's head; the
hair was even more silky than he remembered. "I'm here,
Master."
"Love you." His Master began to rub himself slowly against
Obi-Wan. The younger man felt a shudder go through him. He
opened his mind to Qui-Gon; The Master was dreaming of seducing
his Padawan.
//If only you would... but I shouldn't...,// he tried to reason
as he saw his Master's dream. It excited Obi-Wan, and he
realized that he would have to give in to the fantasy. //He
won't remember...,// he tried to reassure himself.
He turned towards Qui-Gon. The arms around him tightened and
Qui-Gon pushed him onto his back, following him until they were
face to face. Slowly, very slowly, the older man started
moving. Hair spilled onto Obi-Wan's face.
//Yes!// He put his arms around Qui-Gon's waist and began to
thrust in time. //I love you, Master.// He closed his eyes,
giving in to the feeling. It was easy for Obi-Wan to imagine
that his Master wasn't dreaming, that the man had forgiven him
enough to want him again.
His Master's arms tightened, until Obi-Wan started believing
that he would be crushed in half. He realized for the first
time that his Master had been holding back when they made love.
The man's raw passion excited him.
The feeling of his cock against the hair on Qui-Gon's groin was
exquisite. The rubbing grew harder, each thrust giving Obi-Wan
a wave of ecstasy. His fingers grasped at his Master's ass,
pushing him harder against him, then raked at his Master's
back. Pushing him closer, urging him on, Obi-Wan couldn't hold
back. He came, soon followed by his Master.
He could feel his Master's teeth sink into his shoulder and he
cried out in pain. His still-sleeping Master rolled back over
and was still. It hurt, damn it, the bite hurt! How could his
Master bite him? //I'm bleeding!// Obi-Wan got out of bed and
went to the observation window. He could feel the blood rolling
down his back.
It had happened, it had really happened. He had given into his
Master's dream. What was worse, he had enjoyed it. Guilt
overwhelmed him. //You are never to take advantage of other's
dreams,// he could remember Qui-Gon teaching him.
//How could I do that? How could I force myself on my Master?
He was only dreaming!// He looked down at his trembling hands.
//I love him. How could I do this?//
Qui-Gon woke. He was lying in bed, his sheets sticky. //Force,
how long has it been since I had a wet dream?//
He could remember his dream. Obi-Wan had finally forgiven him
and they had made love. He had felt comfortable in giving
himself fully to Obi-Wan; it was the first time that they had
trusted each other completely. The dream felt so real, not just
fantasy.
There was a blotch on his pillow. He put his finger in it. Wet,
it was wet. He looked at his finger, which was dark red. Blood.
//Obi-Wan!//
He wondered suddenly where Obi-Wan was. He opened his mind a
bit and felt despair from his apprentice. Qui-Gon rose, and
could see Obi-wan staring out the observation window, his
shoulders shaking. As Qui-Gon got closer, he realized that
blood was trickling down Obi-Wan's back.
The dream... in his dream he had bit Obi-Wan. Reality sank in.
He had forced himself on his Padawan. //He trusted me, and I
did this to him! I'm just like Hayata!//
"Obi-Wan...."
The younger man almost jumped through the window. In a
quavering voice, he asked, "How was your sleep, Master?"
"Troubling."
Obi-Wan reached up, and wiped his eyes. "Mine wasn't good
either."
//I'm a danger to him,// Qui-Gon realized. "I've been
thinking," he finally said aloud.
"Master, please don't send me back to Windu."
"You know he's requested you back. It's his right, he never
formally released you from his custody," Qui-Gon said softly.
"You know the Code."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan began to sob, holding onto the ledge for
support.
Qui-Gon moved closer to his Padawan. Close, but not touching.
The apprentice threw his arms around him, and buried his head
in his Master's chest. "I'm sorry, Master, I'm so sorry."
"You just wanted to get back to me." Qui-Gon stroked the
younger man's hair. "Windu is an old friend. I can probably
talk him out of his anger."
"But what about us? I destroyed our relationship!"
"How did you?"
"It's been so long since we made love. I needed your touch. I
knew you were dreaming when you told me you missed me, but I
took advantage of it anyway." Obi-Wan pulled away from Qui-Gon
and turned his back to him. "I let you make love to me, and I
enjoyed it! I am as bad as Hayata!"
//He blames himself. We are so much alike. I wonder what he was
like before he stopped trusting.// Qui-Gon reached out, and put
his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "What Hayata did, he did for
power."
"I raped you! I am evil!" Obi-Wan sobbed. "If you knew
what I did, you wouldn't be able to forgive me."
"Share your mind with me. Tell me what happened." He reached
out, touching Obi-Wan's shoulder. He moved his f ingers across
the uninjured shoulder, caressing.
"I can't."
Qui-Gon could feel his Padawan's fear of being discovered. "I
won't force you, but I hope you trust me with your memories."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan took his Master's hand and put it on his
head. Qui-Gon could feel the hesitation in his Padawan.
"You don't have to let me into your mind." He stroked the short
hair.
"We have a Vaar, you're part of my soul." Obi-Wan opened his
mind to Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan could feel his master gently touching his memories. He
had expected it to be like the mindrape he had experienced with
Xanatos, but instead it was like the soft caress of a lover.
Qui-Gon could feel his fears of becoming like Hayata. Then
Obi-Wan felt the same fears that Qui-Gon had. He felt connected
to his Master. //Hayata took the innocence from both of us.//
Obi-Wan couldn't tell if the thought was his or Qui-Gon's.
Suddenly the connection ended, and his Master pulled out of his
mind.
"We never really discussed Hayata." The fingers still caressed
his hair. "We should have."
"I don't want to remember." Obi-Wan sank to the floor. He could
feel his Master sitting down beside him. "Why won't he leave my
thoughts?"
"The man might be dead, but his memory lives on in us."
Qui-Gon's voice was soft. "We are both afraid to give ourselves
fully to love because of Hayata."
"I still dream of him," Obi-Wan confessed. "Sometimes, when I
wake in your arms, I'm confused. I think you're him. It
frightens me."
"The same thing happens to me, beloved. When I wake, and you're
against my back, I think it's him and it takes all my willpower
not to panic." Qui-Gon spoke gently. "I repeat to myself that I
am no longer a child, that I am strong."
Obi-Wan turned to face his lover. "Does it help?"
"I wouldn't love you if it didn't." Qui-Gon gave a half-smile.
"The hardest thing to do was learn to trust. Hayata made me
wary of believing in people. I trusted him, and look what he
did."
"I was only with him a year. How did you survive five years
with him? How did you learn to trust again?"
"It was very hard," Qui-Gon admitted. "I put up many walls.
When I was free of him, I found the walls wouldn't fall down. I
was so changed, that when Yoda became my Master, he suggested
that I take a new name."
"Did it help?"
"The one known as Yun-Yan Wu is dead. No matter how much I want
to, I will never regain my innocence."
//His coldness, his lack of emotions, were because of Hayata,//
Obi-Wan realized. //I wish I had been allowed to meet his
innocent side.//
Finally, Obi-Wan asked the question that had plagued him. "Can
you trust me?"
"You're the only one I can trust." Qui-Gon reached out,
smoothing Obi-Wan's hair. "I hid my love for you because I was
afraid it would hurt you."
"How? How could it hurt? You shouldn't feel guilty for your
feelings."
"I was afraid I would lose you," he confessed. "Now my
selfishness has driven you away."
//Master, you can't get rid of me that easily,// he said
through the Vaar.
"Are you positive?" There was wariness in the other man's eyes.
"We both need to learn to trust." He looked into his lover's
eyes. "Let's teach each other."
//Let's.//
Obi-Wan sighed inwardly as Qui-Gon lowered his lips to his.
There was a softness to the kiss; his Master kissed him as if
Obi-Wan was made of fine porcelain. Obi-Wan opened his mouth to
his lover, and Qui-Gon's tongue darted in, tasting him gently.
The gentleness surprised him, and turned him on at the same
time.
His lover's mouth left his, then kisses went across Obi-Wan's
cheek, the touch caressing, loving. The long fingers moved his
braid out of the way, so that it hung down Obi-Wan's back, then
caressed the love bites on Obi-Wan's neck. The lips went to
Obi-Wan's neck, sucking, loving, the only thing that touched
him.
//Oh....// Obi-Wan's body began to react to the kisses. He put
his arms around Qui-Gon, pulling him closer, trying to touch
more than just his lips.
"We must take this slowly. No rushing." Qui-Gon pulled away
from him and Obi-Wan tried to hide his disappointment. So that
was it, his Master was planning on them just kissing.
The large fingers turned the Padawan around and soft lips
caressed the bite wound. He could feel the roughness of
Qui-Gon's mustache against the sore. Then Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon
put his palm flat against his back. He could feel the Force
move around him, and the wound healed.
"I love you." The voice was even softer then any touch could
be. The silky lips kissed the newly-healed skin.
"I never thought I would hear those words from you again." His
body was beginning to react to those lips again. His penis
hardened, demanding attention. //He wants to wait. Control, you
must control.//
"I should tell you more often." Qui-Gon's hand pushed Obi-Wan's
body against his own hardness. A thrill went through the
Padawan; his Master actually wanted him.
"Much more often." He sighed, reaching his hand back behind his
Master's head. He began to rub himself slowly up and down
against the hardness. He would be content to make love this
way.
The hands turned Obi-Wan's body again. He could see long held
back desire in his lover's eyes, but he could also see the
hesitation in his Master. //I don't want to hurt you.//
//I trust you.//
Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan to him and crushed his lover against
him. The kiss was passionate, exciting, the tongue probing,
eager, demanding. It sucked the breath out of the younger man.
His Master wasn't holding back. Excitement coursed through him.
//Where do you want me?//
//You choose.//
//Here.// Qui-Gon moved so that he was kneeling in front of his
lover's lap. Obi-Wan could feel the man move so that his beard
brushed the younger man's hardness. He grasped Obi-Wan's cock,
running the beard over the tip. It tantalized Obi-Wan, teased
him. //What do you want?//
//Suck me.//
Obi-Wan could feel Qui-Gon smile against his hardness. Warmth
enveloped Obi-Wan's cock and the whisper-soft hair caressed the
younger man's thigh. The apprentice brought his hand to the
back of his Master's head.
//This feels better then any fantasy.// Before, their
lovemaking had been quiet, each trying to maintain control of
the situation. Now, Obi-Wan trusted his Master enough open
himself to his feelings. He began to moan in time to his
Master's loving.
Qui-Gon's lips left Obi-Wan's hardness. The apprentice bit the
inside of his lip. Had his decision ruined their relationship?
Did his Master no longer want him?
But he could see the passion in his Master's eyes. //You don't
have to make noise, if you don't want to,// Qui-Gon told him.
//I'll try to control my passion.// Obi-Wan closed his eyes,
trying to center his mind. //I'll be quiet from now on.//
He felt Qui-Gon touch his face. //I'm sorry, I thought you were
trying to make me feel good.//
//I trust you enough to show you all my passion.//
//Then don't control your passions.// His Master was suddenly
on top of him, his lips kissing him. As they kissed, Qui-Gon
lowered himself onto Obi-Wan's cock. A moan escaped from
Qui-Gon's lips.
//Trust me with yours.// Obi-Wan's hands gripped Qui-Gon's
hips, trying to get the older man to move up and down.
"Split your legs." Qui-Gon's voice was rough with passion.
"Master?" he asked.
"I have an idea, but you have to split your legs."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan did as he was told, splitting his legs.
His Master slid between them; the older man's legs were so long
that he was able to keep his feet flat on the ground, all the
while keeping Obi-Wan's cock inside him.
''Give me your hands," was the command. //Trust me,//
Without saying anything, Obi-Wan reached his hands out. His
Master took them in his, and began to rock back and forth.
It reminded Obi-Wan of the stretching exercises they did when
he was younger. Rock, thrust, rock, thrust. With every thrust
Qui-Gon moaned loudly, very loudly. This, though, felt better,
so much better. They watched each other's eyes as they made
love. The voice of his lover spurred him on, and Obi-Wan put
his feet on the wall, bracing himself.
Obi-Wan had needed this for so long. He began to moan along
with Qui-Gon as he felt his lover's mind touch his. He opened
himself to the Vaar and their souls melded together. Obi-Wan
could feel himself thrusting into Qui-Gon. At the same time, he
was Qui-Gon, being filled by his lover. Both men's cries grew
louder.
Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan as they made love. The apprentice threw
his head back, little yelps emitting from his lips. He could
feel his Master's pleasure at watching the apprentice's
passion. He was getting close, very close. //Control, I must
control.//
//Trust me!// was the command.
"Qui-Gon!" he screamed as he came, stars dancing around his
head. He trusted his master, fully, completely.
Qui-Gon moved backwards, letting Obi-Wan's penis slip out of
him. He reached out, touching Obi-Wan's face. ''Did you like
it?"
"Yes." He tried to think of the words to describe his orgasm,
but there were no words to describe how he felt.
Qui-Gon kissed him lightly, gently. The Padawan could tell
through the Vaar that his Master was holding back his feelings.
Again, the man felt that he couldn't trust himself to give
Obi-Wan his passion. Obi-Wan looked down, seeing his lover's
unfulfilled need. Before, if Qui-Gon didn't come during sex, he
would masturbate in the bathroom. Now Obi-Wan realized that he
had been selfish by not pleasing Qui-Gon. His legs shaking
under him, Obi-Wan got to his knees. He was dizzy from the
orgasm, but trust was a two-way street.
Qui-Gon looked up at him. "Don't go."
"I'm not going anywhere." He then telepathed, //How much can
you trust me?//
//I do, completely.//
//Prove it, let me use my mouth to make love to you. Trust
me.// His fingers began to manipulate his Master's cock.
Qui-Gon could only nod mutely.
Obi-Wan gave his lover a predatory smile. He began to run his
tongue over his Master's erection. He smiled even wider when
Qui-Gon groaned.
His master was a large man, very large. The size of his
Master's cock had always frightened him. It reminded him of the
time spent with Hayata; his former Master had been similarly
endowed.
//I'm ready,// he told himself as he took his Master's cock
into his mouth. There was a brief moment of revulsion, then he
could smell his Master's musk. It excited him and he began to
move his mouth up and down. //Trust me enough to love you.//
"Obi-Wan...," Qui-Gon groaned as he put his hand on top of his
lover's head. //I trust you,//
Obi-Wan had only given oral sex when forced, never by his own
accord. He was terrified that he was doing it wrong, but he did
it to Qui-Gon how he would have liked it.
Through the Vaar, Obi-Wan could feel that his Master was still
holding back on his passions, trying not to frighten his
Padawan.
//Let yourself go, Qui-Gon,// he telepathed.
//I'll hurt you.//
//I trust you,// he said.
That was all the encouragement his lover needed. Qui-Gon began
to thrust into his mouth, moaning loudly with each thrust.
Obi-Wan strove to concentrate on what he was doing, and not on
his latent terror. He realized that he actually enjoyed loving
Qui-Gon this way.
//I'm about to come. You can stop if you want.//
//Don't stop trusting me now!//
"Obi-Wan!" the older man cried, his voice reverberating around
the cabin.
Obi-Wan drank his lover's come. He could feel Qui-Gon's
midi-chlorians enter his system, and he could feel the Vaar
between them grow stronger as the midi-chlorians interacted
with his own.
Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan into his arms, kissing the younger man's
forehead. //Thank you for trusting me enough to do that.//
"I trust you," Obi-Wan said out loud.
"Trust you, too." The arms around him tightened.
There was a landing party waiting for their ship as they
arrived on Coruscant. He had spent most of the voyage in bed
with Qui-Gon; Obi-Wan hadn't felt this close to his Master even
when they had first become lovers. They trusted each other
fully. They were together now, and that was what mattered.
A Jedi guard grabbed Obi-Wan's arm. The Padawan pulled away
from him, his hand going to his lightsaber.
//Go wherever they want you to go!// Qui-Gon ordered.
//Master!// he began to protest.
//This might be part of the test, my beloved.// Qui-Gon's eyes
met Obi-Wan's. //Go.//
Obi-Wan turned to the guard. "Where do you want me to go?"
"Give me your lightsaber, and follow me," the guard instructed.
Obi-Wan took off the lightsaber and handed it to the guard. He
looked at his Master. //No matter what happens, I will love
you.//
//I'll get you back,// Qui-Gon vowed.
Authors note: Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you
like it, please email me :) Heck, if you don't ditto!
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