Kiss of Light

by Lyssa (jedigroupie@hotmail.com)

Sequel to "Taste of Darkness" and "Remnants"
Rating: NC-17
Category: Slash, Angst, Romance
Pairings: Obi-Wan/Anakin, Padme/Anakin
Summary: Occurs after "Taste of Darkness" and "Remnants". Anakin seeks solace in the arms of another while Obi-Wan finally realizes how much his apprentice means to him.
Archive: All of my regular lists, anyone else just ask
Disclaimer: Obi-Wan and Anakin belong to George, but I have the feeling they would have much more fun if they belonged to me. I am not making any money off of this, etc., etc. Great Flannelled One, please do not sue me.
Warning: Contains some mild Het. Also contains violence.
*Special thanks to Jedi Rita whose fic "Refuge" inspired part of this fic

Anakin wandered the lower levels of Coruscant trying to disappear into the darkness of the city. He was searching for a distraction, for speed, for anything that would feed the hunger within him. He wanted to get lost in something so completely that he could forget that he was "The Chosen One", forget that he was a Jedi, forget about everything that was gone.

The weight on his chest only seemed to increase, the deeper he ventured into the planet's underworld. Usually when he wanted to escape he would find some race or challenge in which to lose himself, but tonight, there was nothing that could help him to escape. He knew where he wanted to go, but how could he go there?

As Anakin stood pondering his direction, a figure crept up in the darkness, an answer to his silent question. He knew the being was approaching, but he chose not to react. He let it come. The nameless, faceless attacker lunged with his vibroblade. Anakin didn't even bother drawing his lightsaber, instead, he grabbed the thug by the throat, slamming him against the wall, squeezing the life out of the poor wretch. His heart pounded in his ears as it always did, the adrenaline rushing through him, quenching his thirst, but it wasn't quite enough. He closed his eyes and gripped the man's throat tighter, twisting until he heard bone crack, crushing the lifeless figure with his hands.

He had done the planet a favor. The being was obviously a murderer and a thief. He had probably prevented dozens of future crimes. Justice had been served, he was certain of that. Anakin's breathing returned to normal, the tingling thrill fading from his skin as he made his way back to the surface, to the night sky. It never truly seemed like night here, not like the fathomless darkness of Tatooine after the moons had set. That was a night that he could wrap around himself like a blanket and hide from everything and everyone.

But he welcomed the buzzing lights of the this endless city, so far from that desert world. He would never go back there again. He never even wanted to think about it again. That was another life, another person. The sounds and the rush of Coruscant swallowed him as he drifted through it. Soon he would be back in the one place where he felt safe.

She was asleep when he arrived; he had expected this. He watched her quiet breathing as she slept, and he was finally filled with peace. All he wanted was to feel her soft arms around him. She would keep him safe from the darkness that ate away at him. She stirred as he climbed into bed beside her.

"Ani?" she said, barely waking.

"Padme," he whispered as he nuzzled her neck. "Tell me again."

"Oh, Anakin," she sleepily wrapped her arms around him. "I love y..." Padme drifted back into sleep with her husband in her arms.

Anakin awoke before dawn, Padme twined in his long limbs. His sleep had been fitful, but for once, free of nightmares. She was the only thing that chased them away. She was his and his alone. The only thing that had ever truly belonged to him. The only gift he had ever really received.

She moved against him in her sleep, arousing him with her gentle touch, and it made him feel so warm and light. He traced his hand down her body, and kissed her neck, finally waking her. Her eyes were wide when she realized that he was truly there.

"When did you get here?" she said with a sleepy smile.

"Late," he murmured against her skin.

"I thought it was a dream," she replied.

"I can make it like one," he said slipping his hand under her silken gown. He couldn't believe how much he needed her; she was like an addiction. If he could have climbed inside her and become a part of her, he would have. Feeling his need, she kissed him slowly, surrendering herself to him.

Anakin loved the way she felt, the way she smelled and tasted, her sighs, everything about her. Part of her was so strong and independent, but she was so fragile as well. She absolutely fascinated him.

He made love to her slowly, watching the pleasure build in her expression, listening to her soft moans. She surrounded him, and made him feel whole in a way he hadn't felt since he was a child.

Padme held him close as her release approached, her hands twined in his hair. Over and over, she whispered, "I love you." This always drove him to the heights of ecstasy, and she knew it. Within moments, they were both shaking, their bodies reaching a state of unbelievable bliss. Anakin held her small form as the pleasure subsided, wanting to hold on to the moment as long as possible. He could have done it again and again, but knew that was too much to ask. She was too precious. She was his.

Anakin's days became a blur. He poured himself into his classes, working harder than he ever had, desperately trying to be worthy. His nights, he spent with his wife. He had barely seen Obi-Wan for days, quite an amazing feat considering that they shared quarters. He wasn't sure if he had been avoiding Obi-Wan or if Obi-Wan had been avoiding him. Maybe it was just coincidence, maybe it wasn't.

Each day he expected a confrontation. He expected his Master to show up and say, "We need to talk." But it didn't happen. Part of him wished it had. He missed Obi-Wan, and no matter what, he still wanted him. Nothing could make him stop wanting Obi-Wan, not even his beloved Padme. On the rare occasions that he saw his Master, the bond between them was distant, not broken, but held at arms length. He couldn't tell if it was fear or duty that kept them apart.

He worked hard to separate himself from his desire, to put it into a hidden place deep within his soul. He convinced himself to strive to be worthy of Padme; he wouldn't allow his lust to destroy that. Just when he felt like he was beginning to succeed, the wound was torn open once more.

"How is Obi-Wan?" Padme asked, as she idly traced her fingers over Anakin's chest. He fought hard not to tense at her words, but a twinge of jealousy flashed through him. His Master had no place here.

"I don't know. I guess he's fine," Anakin replied coldly.

"What do you mean, you guess?"

"I just haven't seen him much over the past few days."

"Is he on a mission or something?"

Anakin felt the anger rising in blood. She wasn't letting this go. He had come here to escape that problem. If he couldn't have what he wanted with his Master, he preferred not to think of him at all, at least not here.

"No, I've been really busy, so has he," he said. She looked at him like she didn't really believe him, like there was something more.

"Alright, we had a disagreement, but I don't want to talk about it," admitting a little bit of the truth to her.

"Anakin, I'm sure that whatever it is it can't be important enough to come between the two of you. You have to work it out. Whoever started it, you should make an effort to talk through it." Padme's voice was full of genuine concern, and her conviction got to him, melted away some of the ice around that part of his heart.

"Always the politician," Anakin replied teasingly. He knew she was right. If they didn't work things out on their own, the Council might intervene, and then they would both be in danger.

Now, from a distance, Obi-Wan could appreciate how extraordinary his apprentice was, not just his midiclorian count and his incredible connection to the Force; there was much more to him than that. His presence was magnetic and commanding, his skills brilliant and instinctive in a way he could never be. It was everything about him, his deep beautiful eyes, the exquisite structure of his face and the lines of his body, the way he moved, and something deep within him, his heart with its incredibly intense emotions and capacity for love. He had been a fool to try to train that out of him. He had ignored that part of his Padawan, tried to teach him to separate it from himself, but it was too deeply ingrained. It may have been the source of everything that was extraordinary about him.

Watching him from across the dining hall, he knew how much he missed him, more that he cared to admit. It had been days since they last spoke, and he wasn't sure why they were avoiding each other. All he knew was that each time he returned to their quarters, he hoped to find his Padawan there, and each time, he was disappointed.

He could go over there and talk to him now, or follow him and see where he went to hide from him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had made a decision, but he was still afraid of what it meant. He was walking a very fine line, and he could not allow himself to cross it again. He was still ashamed of the darkness within him. He couldn't let it go. He had caught a glimpse of how to conquer that darkness in himself and in his apprentice, but it meant letting go of so many things he had taken for granted all his life.

What would Qui-Gon tell him? He kept asking himself over and over again, but he knew what Qui-Gon would say; he would tell him to listen to his heart, listen to the Force. What if he didn't like what they were telling him? What if he did? He wasn't sure. Obi-Wan knew self-doubt was his greatest enemy. He'd had to face it over and over. Serenity and certainty were so fleeting, but he was patient. They would return, and so would Anakin. He hoped...

Obi-Wan felt it return to him at last, his hope, his calm. It flowed through him. He was sitting on the floor of their common room meditating when he found it. It was late, and he knew he should try to sleep, but he felt a strange exhilaration that lifted him up. It surrounded him in its warmth.

The sound of the door swishing open and of his apprentice's footsteps registered only distantly, then the footsteps faded into the background, and he heard water turn on, then off again a few minutes later.

Anakin padded softly into the common room, watching Obi-Wan as he sat meditating in the center of the room, wearing his sleep pants, legs crossed, breathing deep and steady. He watched for a long time, feeling the ripples of peace that rolled off of his Master. He was about to turn to go to his bedroom when Obi-Wan's eyes opened. He wore a soft smile, and his blue-green eyes sparkled.

"Anakin, I feel like I haven't seen you in years," he said, his voice sounding almost drowsy.

Anakin looked down at him, not knowing what to say. It had been too long.

"Come, sit with me. Do you remember when you first learned how to meditate?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I didn't like it very much," Anakin replied, smiling as he sat down opposite his Master. "But you helped me. That made it easier." He scooted closer, so their knees were touching, his hands resting, palm up on top of them.

Obi-Wan took his hands and gently massaged the pulse points of his wrists with his thumbs. The Force around him seemed to expand and pulse with life. Obi-Wan was always amazed by how strong Anakin was in the Force, and the feeling only intensified when he touched him.

He allowed his right hand to rest on top of Anakin's open left hand, and placed his left hand beneath Anakin's right, completing the circuit. For a moment he had almost forgotten that one of those hands wasn't real, but it didn't matter; the connection was still there. He felt the Force surround them like a bubble, awash with light. These moments of peace were rare, especially where Anakin was concerned.

Obi-Wan didn't make any attempt to push past Anakin's shields; he simply let his own shields down, let his peace flow into Anakin. Slowly, tentatively, Anakin accepted it. They seemed to float on gentle waves of light that gradually began to heal the tears in their bond.

Obi-Wan was well aware that he had resented Anakin in the beginning, and even later he found him frustrating and difficult. So many times he had been stumped as to how to deal with him. His training had been one huge obstacle after another, and there were times when he wished that he could have abandoned his responsibility.

He had never allowed the boy in, never truly connected to him, not like he connected to Qui-Gon, but now that they had come so close to splitting, he had finally discovered how precious Anakin was to him.

Obi-Wan was tired of fighting his own heart, tired of being afraid of it.

Anakin had never felt more complete in his life. He was wrapped in the Force and in Obi-Wan's spirit, so safe. He had forgotten what peace felt like.

They drifted for an eternity in that peace until Obi-Wan gently guided them back to the surface.

Obi-Wan's eyes remained closed as he took a deep breath. "Do you forgive me?" he asked quietly.

Anakin lifted his heavy eyelids. His whole body felt heavy and warm. "Forgive you? For what?" Anakin responded.

"For too many things that I can't put into words, for failing, for not being there. There are so many things that I should have done, and shouldn't have done." Obi-Wan still hadn't opened his eyes. He was listening to Anakin's breathing.

"Yes, always," Anakin replied. He wasn't really sure what Obi-Wan meant, but he knew him well enough to know that he took everything upon himself. Rather than argue about blame, he agreed. There was nothing that he wouldn't have forgiven him for anyway.

Obi-Wan sighed and opened his eyes. As Anakin looked back at him, it seemed as if the air was still swirling around them, or maybe it was the Force. He wasn't sure. He reached out to touch his Padawan's cheek, to ground himself. When he did, Anakin closed his eyes and leaned forward very slowly until their lips met. Obi-Wan didn't pull back.

The kiss was gentle and light, full of renewed hope, and when it was done, Obi-Wan leaned in for more, feeding off of those sweet lips that he had been dreaming of for so many nights. He felt Anakin reach up to tangle his hands in his hair, to pull him closer, as Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around his lover's torso. He pushed Anakin back onto the carpet, their mouths still locked together. He could go on kissing him forever. He wasn't afraid of it anymore. He had stopped believing in the rules and took the path of his heart for the first time in a very long time.

Their lips finally parted as they gasped for air. "Am I awake?" Anakin asked, his voice breathy and unbelieving.

"Yes," Obi-Wan whispered as his lips went to work on his apprentice's throat.

Anakin pulled his face up so he could look into his Master's eyes, his own nearly filling with tears. "Does this mean that you want me?"

"Yes, Anakin," he replied.

The way Obi-Wan said his name always sent a shiver through Anakin, and now, like this, it was enough to send shocks of ecstasy through his body. "I love you, Master," he whispered against Obi-Wan's ear as his Master kissed his neck and collarbone.

Obi-Wan mumbled into his apprentice's skin, "I love you, and I want you. I know that now." He was finally willing to admit it, to himself and to Anakin, and it lifted a tremendous weight off of his shoulders. The look on Anakin's face when he heard these words was worth all the agony and turmoil that Obi-Wan had suffered over the past few days, worth more than anything Obi-Wan could think of.

Anakin's skin seemed to glow with the light of the Force. It made him look like some kind of angel from an ancient work of art, and when Obi-Wan kissed him, it was like being submerged in love. He laughed to himself and wondered what all of his prior self-pity and doubt had been for. He had been a fool to fight something so perfect.

Kissing Anakin, it was perfection, and Obi-Wan lost himself in it, like losing himself in deep meditation, experiencing only the moment, a moment that stretched out beyond time and sensation. He melted into the skin beneath him, his soul too full to hold the elation, the brilliance of it nearly incinerating him.

The air burned in his lungs when they were finally forced to separate, and Obi-Wan's vision was narrowed to only the face of his Padawan, his head spinning from lack of oxygen or from the kiss itself; he wasn't sure.

Anakin rolled Obi-Wan over onto his back and pulled back, just to look at him. This was everything he had ever wanted, better than his fantasies because he could feel the heat of his Master's skin, taste his lips and hear his ragged breathing. This was real. Obi-Wan wanted him and loved him back. There was nothing outside of this room. The rest of the galaxy didn't exist. It was all focused down to the man beneath him and the emotions around them.

They kissed and touched, slowly, over and over, for ages it seemed, the fire building to a sweet, steady burn. Anakin rolled off of his Obi-Wan, gasping for breath. He lay on his side watching his mentor's chest rise and fall as he caught his breath. Obi-Wan looked drunk with desire, his eyes half closed, a slight smile curling the corners of his mouth, his cheeks flushed.

Anakin traced his hand down his Master's chest and smiled. They were just getting started. He leaned over and kissed Obi-Wan again. "I'll be right back," he whispered before he rose and went to his room. He returned quickly, throwing a small bottle on the floor and kicking off his sleep pants.

Obi-Wan smiled up at him, enjoying the view, and his eyes raked over the young man's body causing his desire to double. Anakin knelt beside him and kissed him gently, his mouth traveling down Obi-Wan's neck to his chest. Warm lips covered Obi-Wan, making him even dizzier. Every place that his Padawan touched seemed to tingle and burn. He felt long, elegant hands snaking down his sides, pulling down his own pants. He lifted his hips as he felt the insistent tug. He could hardly wait to feel that golden skin against his.

Anakin leaned over and kissed him again, Obi-Wan's arms wrapping around his back, pulling him closer. He pulled away a little, trying to encourage Obi-Wan to follow him. He wanted to be beneath him, wanted to feel the delicious weight of his Master's body pressed against him.

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan followed, rolling over onto his apprentice once more, their lips tangling, the soft whisper of skin on skin drifting through the air. The ripples of their arousal seemed to vibrate through the room, bouncing off the walls and crashing into them again.

Obi-Wan found his hands moving unconsciously over Anakin's smooth chest and stomach, cradling his face and neck as his mouth pressed him harder into the floor. The intensity of his feelings surprised him. It was like taking all of the darkness he had felt on that day and multiplying it by a thousand and transforming it into its opposite. That day, he had thought he was lost, that the dark was truly stronger, too strong to take, too strong to fight. His faith had been shaken, but now it was restored and redoubled. As if this moment was preordained.

He turned Anakin over, kissing his neck and shoulders. His hands ran over the smooth flesh of his back and rear, reverently. Anakin raised himself up onto his hands and knees, rocking softly with the delicate caresses. "Is this what you want?" he sighed as Obi-Wan's hands glided down to his backside. Obi-Wan's only answer was to rain kisses over the delicious skin before him, using his beard to tickle and tease his Padawan.

Obi-Wan took the small bottle in his hand covering his fingers with slickness before moving them to Anakin's entrance. He felt Anakin writhe as he touched him, gently slipping a finger inside him. Obi-Wan was nervous; he had never done this before. He had experimented when he was younger, but it had never gone this far. Other than that, he had only been with women. Anakin had been right that night when he asked if he had been the first, but what concerned him more was Anakin. He didn't want to hurt him. He wasn't sure if his apprentice had done this before, and for a brief moment, a twinge of jealousy tugged at him, making him hope that he hadn't.

Picking up on the thought, Anakin began to move, grinding his hips. "Don't worry," he said. "You're not hurting me. It feels so good."

Obi-Wan kissed his back, moving his hand slowly, adding another finger to stretch him further. He felt warm assurances from his Padawan that he was alright, that this was what he wanted.

This was what Anakin wanted, more than anything he had ever wanted. He wanted to kiss Obi-Wan again, to touch him, to feel him inside him. "Kiss me," he begged, and his Master complied, his tongue moving deep in his mouth. Obi-Wan withdrew his fingers and concentrated on the kiss, Anakin turning in his embrace so their chests were tightly pressed together. Anakin's hands roamed over his Master's skin as he moved him closer to the large, comfortable chair behind him.

"Sit," Anakin whispered. "I want to touch you, Master."

"Obi-Wan, not Master, not when we're like this. I want to hear you say my name," Obi-Wan said. His speech was slurred with desire and his head reeled.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin purred as he moved Obi-Wan into the chair. He drew long wet kisses up and down Obi-Wan's inner thighs.

Obi-Wan's head lolled back, drugged by his apprentice's touch. He felt warm lips covering him, moving over his nipples and throat, a tongue snaking down his stomach, gentle nibbles along his arms and thighs, then the heat of a mouth closing over his cock. He groaned and arched up in the chair, but just as the sweet rhythm started, it stopped again, and the mouth was replaced by a slick hand caressing him, driving him wild.

Then Anakin slid his body up until their lips met again. He moved to suck on Obi-Wan's earlobe, their hips grinding together. "Want you inside," Anakin breathed as he turned in Obi-Wan's lap. The tip of Obi-Wan's cock was poised at his entrance and Anakin moved, sinking down onto it, the delicious burning feeling overloading his senses as he heard Obi-Wan moan his name.

Anakin took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles as his weight pushed Obi-Wan deeper inside him. He had wanted to feel this for so long, and he savored the moment, preserving it in his memory forever. He remained still, his body adjusting before he began to move. He wanted this to last as long as possible. He wanted it to last forever. He sent a wave of love to Obi-Wan, assuring him that he was alright, flooding him with his own arousal. Gently, he began to rock in Obi-Wan's lap, barely moving.

Obi-Wan was surrounded by heat, a delicious heat that spread through his senses. He tugged at Anakin's braid, grunting at the tight muscles that enveloped him. Then Anakin began to move, and Obi-Wan felt a growl rumble through his throat, his heart close to bursting. So slow and agonizingly sweet, every move that Anakin made sent a sensuous wave of heat washing over Obi-Wan, and the young man's soft, impassioned moans and whispered words echoed through Obi-Wan's mind.

Anakin's back arched against Obi-Wan's chest with each wiggle of his hips. Obi-Wan's lips burned as he sucked and nibbled at Anakin's shoulders, muffling his cries against the hot, sweat-slicked skin. His hands roamed over Anakin's chest, exploring the tight, toned musculature of the body he had helped to train.

"So perfect," he whispered into his Padawan's ear. "You feel so perfect, Anakin," he gasped as muscles tightened and released around him. His hands dug into Anakin's thighs as he rocked in his lap, the movements small and concentrated. It was torture, but it was so sweet, and he never wanted it to end.

Anakin twisted his neck around so he could kiss his Master, wanting the connection to be complete, and Obi-Wan was left gasping for air when they finally broke the kiss. Anakin leaned back against him, his head resting on his shoulder. "Touch me," he whispered. *Please touch me,* he repeated into his Master's mind.

Obi-Wan's hands moved slowly, first tracing lightly around his nipples, spiraling from the outer edges inward, the skin tightening into peaks as Anakin's breathing became harsher. He traveled over the planes of his chest and stomach in delicate touches, leaving his apprentice wanting more, making him writhe against him in desire.

Anakin would have guided his Master's hands lower, where he wanted them, but this sweet teasing was so much better. He was practically purring, so close to the edge, and Obi-Wan hadn't even touched his cock yet.

As if reading his thoughts, Obi-Wan ghosted a finger along the underside of his organ, barely making contact, drawing a sharp hiss from his apprentice.

"Did you like that?" Obi-Wan asked; his voice had this low, dirty tone behind it that made Anakin shiver. He had never heard his Master sound like that before, but it was driving him wild. Obi-Wan sucked at his earlobe and whispered, "You didn't answer me." So he touched him again in the same spot with a little more contact this time.

"Nngh, oh yes," Anakin groaned as he convulsed with pleasure.

The sounds Anakin was making nearly drove Obi-Wan over the edge. He wanted to hear more. He closed his hand around Anakin's erection, caressing gently at first then increasing the contact. Anakin was shaking, grinding, caught between the sensations of the cock inside him and the hand sliding over him. The pleasure was unbearable either way, and he rocked, riding the waves of it.

The pace was picking up, hot and wild and sweet. Obi-Wan's lips moved over Anakin's shoulders, tasting the salt of his sweat. He couldn't hold on much longer, and he felt that Anakin was close too. He began arching up into his apprentice, pumping into him harder as he stroked him. He twisted one of Anakin's nipples, making him growl.

Obi-Wan licked up and down the side of Anakin's neck, whispering, "I love you." Suddenly, he felt Anakin tense around him and ecstasy tore through Obi-Wan. He groaned and dug his teeth into Anakin's shoulder as he came, as he felt the heat of Anakin's orgasm spill over his own hand, as the universe exploded around them. "Obi-Wan! Master!" Anakin cried out.

Anakin was trembling, the warmth filling him, his heart pounding. He had never felt anything more intense than this moment. He had loved Obi-Wan for so long, and never dreamed that he loved him back. All his life he wanted Obi-Wan to want him, to care for him, and all that time he feared he wasn't good enough. At last he had his answer, what he had always dreamed of. He felt Obi-Wan's love washing over him, shining through him. It was like heaven.

Anakin curled into Obi-Wan's lap, wrapping his arms around his Master's neck. Obi-Wan lifted Anakin's chin up and gazed into his Padawan's deep blue eyes. He wasn't sure what to say, so much had happened between them, so many conflicts, but he felt like their bond was renewed. How could it be wrong if it made them closer? How could it be wrong if it made them stronger? He stopped caring what other people said was right and wrong. This felt right, like the will of the Force. He kissed Anakin once more releasing all his doubts, all his regrets, all his fears, until all that was left was light.

*A happy ending for now, but we all know that things are never simple where Anakin is concerned...