Kiss by Kiss

by Kennoughby (ob1kennoughby@yahoo.de)

Archive: M_A, anyone else please ask
Category: Point of View, somewhat AU
Pairings: Obi/Other (original leading male character), memories of Qui/Obi
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: No explicit sex scenes (sorry, not this time), original leading male character
Summary: A Jedi knight muses about how the late Qui-Gon affects his relationship with Obi-Wan.
Timeline: Story takes place approximately five years after Naboo happened.
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Obi, Qui, Ani, and the Star Wars universe. The narrator and Master MriMrriou belong to me. I have made no money out of this and never will.
Acknowledgements: This story is inspired by the report of a man, his girlfriend and her ex-husband (printed in early 2003). It's also inspired by "Kiss by Kiss", the song by the Skandinavian-based singer Emilia. A huge thank-you to the betas Bonny Magret, Dark Seraphena and Ewankenobi! (I'm a vicious tweaker, so all mistakes are mine.)
Feedback: Yes, privately or on-list please, as this is the first Star Wars fan fic I've ever posted.

I have sworn that I will never again fall in love with a Jedi who has formerly been his master's lover. Especially if said master has joined the Force.

It is not that I wish to call it quits with Obi; no, never. Being in love with him can be very demanding at times. Especially those times when the mighty Jinn is in the air. And he is always there, hovering around Obi, occupying his mind and, even worse, his heart.

When Obi told me on one of our first dates together that, even after four years of mourning, he hadn't gotten over the pain of losing Qui-Gon and that he never wanted to feel such pain again, all my systems went on red alert. I should have left and run away as fast as I could. But it was too late. I had already fallen in love.

I guess I was hooked the very first time I met him down in the training salles. His padawan had suffered a minor injury, and Obi-Wan was there to cancel their salle reservation. And I? I was looking around, faintly hoping to find a sparring partner. I wasn't really in need of training. I had just relocated to Coruscant, and I knew hardly anybody there. Jedi knights do not have many opportunities to become acquainted, other than going on missions together. I have found that sparring at the temple is a good way to get to know my fellow Jedi.

Obi-Wan was a bit startled when I, having overheard his discussion with the salle master, suggested that the two of us spar in the vacant room.

The salle master laughed at my suggestion. "Knight Kenobi," he said, "is one of our highest ranking swordsmen." He nodded deferentially to Obi-Wan, who tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement of the compliment.

Not to be deterred, I responded, "I believe I enjoy a similar reputation at my home temple of Jobo, Knight Kenobi. I would be honored to spar with you and compare styles." For a moment, I expected that Obi-Wan would decline, but I caught a glint of interest in his eye and was pleased when he agreed.

I think we fought for over an hour without a break, exceeding the time the salle had been booked for by far. Force, he was good! His aerials were phenomenal. Of course, his light frame helped, but the grace he displayed when flying and twisting through the air came from expertise alone. It was a joy to spar with Obi-Wan, and soon we had drawn quite a few spectators. We were true equals in lightsaber combat, and neither of us could overpower the other long enough to determine the fight's outcome.

So we fought until exhaustion started to take its toll. Force, was I tired, every muscle aching and protesting. I launched a particularly desperate attack, which gained me nothing, and retreated backwards into a corner. I seriously contemplated yielding, however, Obi-Wan spared me that. Suddenly, he dropped to his knees, half laughing, half coughing out an appreciative "Force, you're good!"

I staggered across the salle, murmured a cordial "You're not bad either" and helped him up, still swaying myself, while the knights and padawans around us applauded. Obi-Wan looked up at me and grinned. "I think this calls for a repeat some time soon," he said.

I think I fell in love with him right then and there.

Despite the attraction being mutual, courting Obi-Wan was not easy. He was very evasive at first and agreed only to meet me for sparring or an occasional lunch. His evenings were dedicated to his padawan Anakin, or at least that's what he told me. I suspect he spent most of them meditating about his former master, as he often still does.

I believe that what broke the ice was when I told Obi-Wan about my master. Master MriMrriou was a beautiful felinoid, a Mrcgrrr, to be exact, with rich black fur which contrasted so beautifully with the cream and caramel hues of clothing she favored. As a Mrcgrrr, she was considered to be rebellious of nature, and she definitely lived up to the reputation. My master's rebellious attitude was something Obi could relate to. His own master, Qui-Gon Jinn, was known to be quite confrontational and he defied the Coruscant temple council more than once.

However, unlike Obi and Qui-Gon, my master and I never became lovers. Master MriMrriou had an on again, off again affair with a male of her own species, and I discovered that my preference lay with men of mine. Nonetheless, I adored and worshipped her like any padawan in the galaxy should adore and worship their master. And that too, was something that Obi-Wan could relate to. Apparently, being lovers hadn't had any negative effect on his idolization of Qui-Gon. To the contrary, it seemed to have enhanced his devotion. Maybe it was due to his master's early demise.

By the way, that's how Obi-Wan acquired his padawan at such a young age. His master, dying in his arms, made him promise that he would take Anakin as padawan, no matter what.

Imagine! A slave boy, of dubious descent, deemed too old to train by the council, rumored to be prone to the dark side. And the mighty Jinn used his last wish to wrench from his not-yet-knighted padawan the promise that he train this boy in the ways of the Jedi.

What a burden! What a perfidious way of assuring Obi wouldn't forget his master any time soon, having his master's legacy before his eyes, day after day, year after year. If I could have a word or two with the mightily selfish Jinn, Force, I would give him my opinion.

Fortunately, Anakin never tried to drive Obi and me apart the way that many jealous padawans do. Actually, his acceptance -- or was it simply indifference? -- made it easy for me in the beginning. I do believe Obi would have dropped me right away if his sacred padawan had shown any sign of disapproving.

When Obi and I made love for the first time, I had expected him to be a bit shy. But no, he was instead eager; eager and hungry, as if starved. Later, when he lay in my arms, satisfied and calmed, tears started to leak out of the corner of his eyes. He never said a word, but it was then that I knew he was thinking of him. His master. His lover. Qui-Gon.

Soon, Obi-Wan started talking about how Qui did this and Qui did that. And the more I heard the master's name, the less I could bear to hear it.

A certain position I used when meditating reminded Obi of Qui-Gon. I decided never to use that position again.

His master preferred the southern landing pads of the temple. After Obi told me that, I deliberately avoided them, especially when Obi was flying with me.

Qui-Gon had always been a lousy cook. So was I. Within three months I finished my first course in the arts of fine cuisine, and both Obi and his padawan found my cooking increasingly enjoyable.

Once I brought a rare blend of tea back from a mission as a gift for Obi. It turned out to be the blend Qui always bought when on Aldosia. Less than a tenday later, I made the tea disappear.

I even stopped accompanying Obi-Wan when he went out with his friends, Garen and Bant. Qui-Gon Jinn seemed to have made a strong impression on nearly everyone in the temple, not just on his faithful padawan. Whenever someone spoke of Qui-Gon, and that happened every time they went out together, Obi's friends would pause in reverence " and then proceed to tell old tales of the mighty Jinn's many adventures. It was then that I retreated, feigning fatigue.

How I hated the reminiscing! Like fine silver strands the numerous memories were weaving a web around us, closing in on us and threatening to smother our love. Obi-Wan didn't mean to be rude, but each time I did or said something that sparked a memory, a distant look haunted Obi-Wan's eyes. Sometimes he commented, sometimes he didn't. But even if he remained silent, that look would tear at my heart.

Fortunately, Obi was careful enough not to mention Qui-Gon when we were in bed -- I think I would have strangled him on the spot -- but I knew that in his thoughts, he was with his master. His frequent silent tears told me so. However, they have become less, and I have begun to hope.

Last night Anakin was out with one of his classes. "Night Vision & Combat Training", I believe. A futile exercise, if you ask me, as it never gets really dark on Coruscant.

Obi and I stayed at home. I wooed him with his favorite meal: Vjella beans with rice and Jobosian mushroom sauce. Later we indulged ourselves in a long night of passionate love-making. It was perfect, better than any of the nights before, and I kept repeating to myself: "Please, no silent tears this time." And there weren't any. Instead, my debauched and rather sated Obi-Wan snuggled closer to me and smiled, while his fingers drew small circles on my chest.

"A credit for your thoughts?", I asked.

"Sorry," Obi answered., "they're classified as top secret."

"Oh, come on...," I begged.

Obi sighed. "Promise you won't get mad if I tell?" he asked.

I promised, silently cursing myself, fearing the smile in his eyes would dissolve into half-hidden tears. Why was I pushing him in such a tender moment?

"Well," he continued, "I was thinking of Vjella beans."

"Vjella beans?"

"Yes, Vjella beans. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Maybe because Vjella beans and making love to you mean happiness to me." And then he kissed me.

It may not be easy, being in love with Obi-Wan. But it's a kiss like that which lets me know that I will win my own private little war against the mighty Jinn. I won't win it in one big fight, of that I am sure. No, I will win it slowly, step by step, kiss by kiss.

The End

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