Summary: The third Jedi Fairy Tale, written to the tale of
Cinderella, and once again tells a different, silly version of
how Obi-Wan becomes Qui-Gon's Padawan.
Feedback: Love it!
Disclaimer: We all know you own them, George. Just don't expect
us to like it.
Note: big thanks (and chocolate covered Jedi's) to firstly
Kaiburr for suggesting I use Mace as the second sister, and
also to TC and Krychick for continually bugging me to just spit
a damn story out! (Ok, so they said it nicer than that
<g>)
Obi-Wan sat on the cold stone tiles of the Jedi Academy
kitchens, dutifully cleaning them until they sparkled. He
smiled contentedly as he wiped the last piece of dirt away,
knowing that it was a job well done.
"Oh, I so hope that Father Dearest will be proud of me!"
he sighed as he dragged the bucket full of murky water over to
the sinks to be emptied. He sighed again as he hefted the
bucket up and tipped it down the drain. "Oh, but nothing I do
seems to please him!"
Ever since Obi-Wan's mother had remarried, he had been somehow
demoted to the level of a slave. Everything had been fine when
his new father Palpatine had originally moved in. He had been
kind and caring - always behaving like the true diplomat he
was. But then once his mother found a job on a distant planet,
suddenly his father's behaviour changed and it was like he was
a completely different person. Suddenly, it was: "Obi-Wan!
Clean the floors!", or "Obi-Wan! Go help your brother Maul
brush his teeth!", or even worse: "Obi-Wan! Go help your other
brother Mace apply that ointment for his...rash!"
At that moment, Sidious - Obi-Wan had now been forced to call
Palpatine that - came flouncing into the room, interrupting the
boy in mid-thought.
"Obi-Wan!" he bellowed, while waving a piece of paper around
with his hand. "Come with me, now!"
Obi-Wan dutifully followed his father out of the kitchens and
up three flights of stairs until they reached the chambers of
Maul and Mace. Sidious swept into the room and struck a pose in
the centre, waiting for his two children to notice him.
Unfortunately, his spoilt children were too busy preening
themselves in front of the wall length mirrors, to notice him.
He cleared his throat loudly, and stood with one hand on a hip
and the other in the air still waving the piece of paper
around.
"Boys! Boys!" he yelled impatiently. "We have received an
invitation to go to the Annual Jedi Ball!"
Maul and Mace suddenly spun around and rushed over to their
father.
"Oh, Father!" exclaimed Mace. "How exciting!!"
"But father..," interrupted Maul, with a confused expression.
"We're not Jedi, we're Si-"
Sidious quickly dragged his son by a horn over to the far side
of the room.
"Shhhh!" he whispered hastily. "Only you know about that! I
haven't even told your other brother yet as I'm worried he
hasn't quite realised that we're only pretending to be good."
"Ahhh," said Maul, nodding. "Well, considering he's already
reached the role of Jedi Master, don't you think it's possibly
time to mention that to him?"
Sidious gave his son a pointed look.
"Was that sarcasm, my boy?"
Maul gave the question some consideration.
"Uh, yes," he answered finally. "Sarcasm is a path to the Dark
Side."
Sidious considered this. Then he shrugged his shoulders.
"Yes, I suppose it could be, Maul. Well said."
"Thank you, father."
The two Siths made their way back to Mace and Obi-Wan.
"Ok, my two favourite sons - you've got some organising to do!"
commanded Sidious while pointing to strewn clothes and makeup
containers scattered over the room. "I want you both to look
your best for the ball. It is tomorrow night!"
"Tomorrow night?!" screeched Mace, doing a very credible
impression of Munch's 'The Scream', had he in fact known of any
artists from a galaxy far, far away. "Obi-Wan! Get here now!
We've got preparing to do!"
Obi-Wan looked around, excitedly.
"I'm going too? I don't have anything to wear!"
Sidious, Maul and Mace stared at him simultaneously and then
all burst out laughing.
"You don't think you are seriously going, do you boy?!"
howled Sidious in laughter.
"When I said that we've got preparing to do, I meant
that you're going to help me!" taunted Mace. "We
don't want you there embarrassing us."
Obi-Wan hung his head to hide his disappointment.
"I...was just...joking..." he mumbled by way of an excuse,
before trudging over to Mace.
Maul, who'd been watching the interaction in the hope that he
could find an opportunity to kill one of the other three
occupants of the room, decided it was time instead to question
Sidious further.
"Father? Why are you invited to a Jedi Ball? At most, you're
just a Senator."
Sidious glared at his son, little flickers of lightning
building up around the tips of his fingers.
"Just a senator, Maul?"
Maul rolled his eyes, which caused a rather warped
hallucinogenic kaleidoscopic effect to anyone watching.
Unfortunately, further than that, it did nothing but further
anger Sidious.
"Care to explain that reaction, Maul?" he hissed.
Maul just shrugged his shoulders. "You're going to do that:
"I'm the big, bad Senator who's going to take over the
universe, and aren't all these silly little Jedi's stupid for
falling for it, ah ha hahahahahaHAHAHAA!!" thing, aren't you?"
Sidious' pupils narrowed.
"I. Don't. Think. That's. Entirely. What. I. Do. Thank. You.
Very. Much. Maul," he growled slowly.
Maul stood his ground.
"Yes you do, Father," he replied. "You're melodramatic and
can't do a thing without needing to show off with a little
lightning effect or maybe a poignant glower from under the hood
of your robe. It's all for effect. It's not the slightest bit
necessary!"
"You tell him, sister!" yelled Mace, with a wobble of his hips
and a point of his finger.
An embarrassed silence filled the room.
"Err...You know what I meant..." mumbled Mace, before quickly
grabbing Obi-Wan's arm and ordering him around in the hope that
all would be forgotten.
Luckily for him it had, but Sidious was not willing to let his
other son win that easily.
"Effect?!" he yelled. "You're criticizing me for having too
much melodramatic effect?! Look at you!" he continued
yelling, while gesturing wildly in the direction of Maul's
face. "Who was it that begged his dear Father into bringing him
down to the tattoo parlor on the day of his eighteenth birthday
to get that done? Who went through his goth stage and
cried when he thought he was not getting his own black
cloak for his birthday?!"
"You only got me the peel-off tattoo the first time, and the
cloak was two sizes too big," muttered Maul in reminiscence. "I
looked like an small hat-rack covered with a black blanket,
which happened to have peeling sunburn!"
Before the argument and past grudges could be explored in a
more violent manner, Mace strutted his way between the
glowering figures, holding up two identical formal Jedi
outfits.
"Which one do you reckon will make my butt look smaller?" he
asked, while holding each one up in front of him.
Maul rolled his eyes in exasperation.
"Try them on, you idiot," he growled.
Sidious stared at the interaction between his two children,
then screamed in exasperation at the thought that he had to
admit any kind of relationship to them.
"I'm leaving!" he yelled. "And you two better be ready by
tomorrow night, as the Jedi Ball,
which-you-are-attending-as-we're-official-political-guests-" he
spat out quickly with a pointed look at Maul, "-is only a day
away!"
With that announcement, he swirled around and stormed out of
the room.
24 hours later...
"MAAAAAAAAAAULLL!!"
Maul glanced up uncaringly from the "Three Colours Black" video
he'd been watching, and shot his brother a
"this-better-be-worth-it-as-I'm-just-up-to-the-good-shade-of-black"
look.
Mace totally missed the look and instead stood with his hands
on his hips, glaring in a totally unconvincing manner.
"Where is my nail file, Maul?" he asked, accusingly.
"What makes you think I have it?" Maul shot back.
"I saw you with it before! Give it back!"
"Oh..." replied Maul, giving his brother an obviously feigned
show of surprise. "That was your nail file?...I thought it was
my toothbrush." He grinned widely, showing his yellow, pointed,
and now filed teeth.
Sidious, who'd been walking past their door at the time, stuck
his head in to get a quick fix of anger-vibes. Mace mistook it
for concern, and proceeded to dob his brother in for his
hideous crime.
"Father! Maul used my favourite nail file as a toothbrush!" he
whined, stabbing an accusing finger at his brother.
Sidious looked over at Maul.
"Did you do that, Maul?" he asked.
Maul nodded. Mace jumped up and down behind their Father with a
gleeful "you're-in-trouble-now" look.
Sidious stormed over to Maul, picked him up by a horn and
dragged across the far side of the room, for the second time in
two days.
"You really used your brother's nail file to brush your teeth
with?" he hissed under his breath.
Maul nodded once again. Sidious broke out in a huge grin.
"Good boy!! That was definitely evil, and most amusing!" he
admitted. "Keep it up."
"Yes, Father," said Maul, feeling rather smug with himself.
"Thank you, Father."
Sidious nodded and then turned and left the room, having his
own preparations to finish for the Ball which was less than an
hour away.
Mace stuck his tongue out at his brother when Maul returned to
take his seat again, mistaking Sidious' talk with him as a
reprimand. Maul just sniggered. Annoyed at his brother's lack
of appropriate response, Mace decided to pick on Obi-Wan
instead.
"OBIIII-WAAANNN!!"
The poor young boy came running from the walk-in closet,
struggling under the weight of Mace's possible Jedi Uniform
choices for the night.
"Yes, Mace?" he inquired politely. "How may I help you?"
"It's nearly time to leave, and I haven't found the perfect
outfit to wear! It's all your fault!" Mace complained loudly,
snatching one of the fifty-two identical uniforms off the top
of the pile in Obi-Wan's hands.
"Yeah," muttered Maul, loud enough for his brother to hear. "It
must really be difficult trying to decide whether to wear beige
and brown or beige and brown."
Mace threw a hairbrush at Maul. Maul just picked it up and
continued giving his brother a piece of his mind.
"Hmm...and this hairbrush but be pretty much an essential part
of your beauty routine, what with you having so much hair and
all," he taunted, while pulling bristles out of the prized
possession.
"Stop that!!" screamed Mace. "Give it back!! At least I could
have hair if I want to!"
Maul gave a half-hearted attempt at feigning a hurt expression.
"Why, you've really hit a sensitive spot there, brother," he
mocked. "I mean, you know I've always wished I could look like
a damn grassy hill with rocks protruding!"
Mace screamed and lunged himself at his brother, both Force
throwing each other across the room before either could
physically connect. Two great thumps echoed across the room and
down the hallway outside, causing Sidious to come storming in
again. He was now wearing his formal senatorial uniform and an
angry expression.
"We. Are. Leaving. Right. Now," he intoned, leaving no room for
argument. He glared at Mace. "Put that uniform on that you're
holding, and wait outside."
"But, Fath-" began Mace, but upon noticing a dangerous
deepening of expression on Sidious' face, he quickly pulled the
uniform on and stormed out the door, slamming it behind him.
Sidious then turned his attention to his other son.
"Maul, you cannot wear your Sith's uniform to a Jedi Ball."
Maul glared, already having predicted this conversation would
occur.
"But Father, firstly they don't think Siths exist anymore so it
won't matter, and secondly, black is both formal and slimming."
Sidious raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't realise you were concerned about your weight, my
son," he replied, sarcastically.
Maul glared at his father again.
"I just meant that it will make the little Jedi idiots even
more jealous and envious of me than they would be under normal
circumstances."
Sidious considered this.
"Very well," he replied finally. "You may wear it."
"Thank you, Father," replied Maul as they both turned to leave
the room. "I have a question, though," he added, as Sidious
reached for the door handle.
"Yes, my son?"
"While I understand that you have political reasons for
attending the Ball, what are our Sithly motives for going?"
Sidious' face broke out into a truly horrendous grin.
"Did I not explain this to you, Maul?" he asked, his eyes
glowing evilly.
Maul shook his head.
"Why Maul, you are coming to assassinate their Jedi hero."
There was a pause as Maul soaked in the information given.
"Their hero, Father?" he almost whispered, in anticipation and
excitement.
"Oh, yes, my son. As you know, each year the Ball is dedicated
to the most exemplary Jedi, whose efforts have far surpassed
those of any other. This year it is Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn.
He will not only be receiving the praise of all, but will also
be choosing his Padawan and successor on this very night."
"I see, Father," replied Maul, as the plan played itself in his
mind. "But won't all the Jedi's already have Masters?"
"Yes, but the lucky one chosen will move under the care of Jinn
and will have all the benefits and luxuries of being his
successor when he dies. This lucky one also will be made an
honourary member of the Council and have great influence upon
all."
"Doesn't this lucky one's first Master ever complain when the
student is taken away?"
"These Padawan's are all just new recruits, barely into their
training. No lasting bond will have been formed so it is never
a problem. After all," Sidious sneered contemptuously, "the
Jedi's always do what's best for their own kind, even if that
means sacrificing their position as Master to another.
Everything is done for the good of the Padawan's training,
after all."
"They are all fools," commented Maul. "So I must kill this Jinn
at some time tonight, and cause chaos?"
"You are close," said Sidious. "You will win Jinn's affections
by being the special one who will be chosen as his Padawan..."
Maul gasped in horror.
"...then," continued Sidious, feeling smug with his dramatic
pause that caused such revulsion in his son, "you will kill him
without anyone knowing it was you. You will divert the blame to
your brother Mace and he will be kicked out of the council.
When this is done, the stupid Jedi's will of course honour
Jinn's wish to have you succeed him, and so you will have
control of the Jedi Council and together we will take over the
galaxy!! AHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Maul rolled his eyes and then raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, ok, fine, so I do that sometimes," muttered
Sidious. "But I'm really not quite the melodramatic idiot you
make me out to be."
Maul chose not to comment.
"And now," stated Sidious, with a flourish of his cape. "We
shall go to the Ball!"
As they make their way out of the room and slammed the door
closed behind them, Obi-Wan quietly dropped Mace's clothes
which had been disguising him as a huge pile of laundry. He
stood in shock. The conversation he'd just heard pounded in his
head. They were planning on assassinating Master Qui-Gon Jinn!
They were Sith! He must warn someone!
Quickly he ran over to the door and turned the handle, only to
find it was securely locked.
"No!" he cried. "I must warn them! I must stop Maul from being
accepted as Master Jinn's Padawan! Yet even if I could get to
the Ball, they'd never let me in as I'm not a Padawan."
He fell to the floor, tears welling in his eyes. In his mind,
he knew what he wanted to do.
"I must save him. I must go to the Ball!!"
Master Yoda, hobbling with his little cane down the passageway
on his way to the Jedi Ball, stopped in his tracks and cocked
his head.
"Crying, I hear?"
He walked closer to the noise and stopped in front of a door
further down the passageway.
"Problem, there is?" he inquired.
The crying turned to sniffling and after a pause a small voice
spoke.
"Is someone there?"
"Master Yoda, this is," replied Yoda. "Come in, I may?"
"Master Yoda!!"
A sound of frantic shuffling was heard as the owner of the
voice made a quick attempt at making himself and the room look
presentable.
"Err..." said the voice, finally. "The door is locked, Master
Yoda. I can't open it."
"Fix that, I can," replied Yoda, and concentrated the Force on
clicking the locking mechanism off. An exclamation of impressed
surprise came from the other side of the door and Yoda grinned
smugly.
Still got it, I do he thought to himself.
He then hobbled up to the door and reached for the handle. He
tried again.
"Err, boy? Handle I cannot reach. Open the door, you will."
There was a pause and Yoda felt his position of awe in the
boy's mind fall a notch, but nothing was commented on and the
door was pulled open a second later.
"Damn equal rights for shorter species, we need," muttered Yoda
as he hobbled in. "Builders, I will have a word with."
"Pardon, Master Yoda?"
"Nothing, I said," replied Yoda as he turned around and took a
good look at Obi-Wan.
"Cleaning boy, you are? Darn my socks, you do?"
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Locked in this room, you were?"
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Deliberate, it was?"
"I think so, Master Yoda."
"Why?"
Obi-Wan paused. He wasn't entirely sure how to begin but an
encouraging look from Yoda set him off in a second and he
spilled out the entire story of the planned assassination and
the Sith, and also his life story incase the Jedi Master was
interested, his hopes and dreams, and even what his favourite
cleaning product was. Yoda stood patiently through the entire
running monologue and finally reached up and tapped the boy on
the arm.
Obi-Wan looked downcast as he stared at his feet in shame. Yoda
felt sorry for the boy...those puppydog eyes that he was
currently being given were stronger than any mind-whammy.
"Apology is not necessary," said Yoda kindly. "Important things
we have to discuss now."
Obi-Wan nodded but couldn't resist a sniffle for extra effect.
"Assassination, we must stop," stated Yoda. "Deal with that, I
will. Distraction, we need."
"Distraction, Master Yoda?"
"Turn Qui-Gon's attention away from Maul, we must," he
explained. "You, we will use."
"Me, Master Yoda?" replied Obi-Wan with a puzzled look. "What
on Coruscant can I do?"
Yoda gave him a knowing smile.
"Grab his attention, you must. Distract him from Maul, you
will."
Obi-Wan nodded but then his expression turned to one of
disappointment.
"Oh, Master Yoda!" he cried mournfully. "I so want to help, but
I'm not a Padawan. How could I ever fool Master Qui-Gon?"
Yoda stood a step back from the boy and appraised the
situation. He took in Obi-Wan's toned muscles, puppy-dog eyes,
smooth skin, perfect hair, and altogether handsome appearance.
He nodded sagely.
"Distract Qui-Gon, you can do. Trust me, you must," he stated
wisely. "The ball, you will go to!"
"But I haven't a thing to wear!" exclaimed Obi-Wan. "I don't
have Jedi robes or even the Padawan braid!"
"Problem, that is not. Supplies, I can get."
"Even the Padawan haircut and braid?"
Yoda considered the problem.
"Ah, yes, your point, I see. Yet solution, I have."
Obi-Wan's eyes lit up in expectation.
"A man, I know," explained Yoda. "Wigs, he makes. Padawan wig
for you, he can do."
"Really, Master Yoda?!" exclaimed Obi-Wan excitedly. Then his
expression turned to puzzlement. "How do you know that?"
Yoda had the decency to look embarrassed.
"Err...wigs we need, when...productions...we do..." he
explained vaguely, then quickly changed the subject. "Anyway,
get ready, you must. Not much time, we have."
Yoda reached up and grabbed hold of Obi-Wan's hand and pulled
him out the door.
(...twenty minutes later...)
"Impressive, you look."
Obi-Wan stood in front of the full-length mirror, gaping in awe
at his now Jedi-uniform-clad self. Tears of happiness began to
seep out the corners of his eyes.
"Oh, Master Yoda! I never thought I'd ever be wearing this!"
Yoda smiled kindly, then gently pulled on the boy's robe to get
him to kneel at Yoda-height. Obi-Wan complied and a whole new
cascade of tears fell from his eyes as the ancient Jedi Master
ceremoniously placed the Padawan wig on the boy's head.
"Hmmm..." appraised Yoda enigmatically at the sight of the wig
now positioned properly on Obi-Wan's head. "A long braid, you
have. A longer braid I have never seen, apart from on Qui-Gon
himself. Very long braid, my old Padawan had. Longest in the
entire academy, it was. Envy of all other Padawans, he was."
Obi-Wan blushed pink in a very pretty fashion as Yoda made
suggestive eyebrow wiggles.
"Now Jedi you will be, for this night," said Yoda proudly,
redirecting the conversation to the crisis at hand. "But late
we now are, as the ball we need to be at."
Obi-Wan raised his wrist to look at his shiny Padawan watch.
Five minutes later and with a little Force-assisted help from
Yoda, he managed to extract his arm from the bottomless depths
of his robe.
"Oh, no!!" Obi-Wan squeaked. "We're very late!!"
Yoda grabbed hold of the boy's hand and pulled at it to direct
Obi-Wan towards the door.
"Fashionably late, it is called," he stated sagely, still
pulling on the boy's arm. Three minutes later, Obi-Wan stopped
staring at himself in the mirror and actually noticed the Jedi
Master hanging off his arm.
"Oh! Sorry, Master Yoda! I'm coming!"
Yoda just grumbled something about platform shoes needing to
make a comeback into Jedi Council Member fashion, and followed
Obi-Wan out of the room and towards the main hall for the Ball.
...(meanwhile, at the ball)...
Sidious beamed his fake smile towards every corner of the
massive hall, and gave a few delicate wrist-twirling waves that
would make any queen jealous. Maul, whose fake smile was
currently causing permanent trauma for anyone who looked his
way, ground his teeth and hissed at his Master.
"While I know the final result of this night will be beneficial
for us, Father, I really despise having to put on this act," he
growled under his breath, as he flashed his teeth at yet
another young Padawan who ran away screaming.
"You're a Sith, my son," replied Sidious. "It's not really
meant to be all heart-warming fun. And by the way, you're meant
to be attracting the Jedi in the room, not scaring them
off. I suggest you forget about trying to smile and just
straight-out seduce them all."
Maul glared at his father.
"But you said I'm only meant to be seducing Qui-Gon," he
hissed, then accidentally pierced his own lip in an attempt to
stop a very un-Sith-like pout.
"Put a stud through that, my boy," commented Sidious upon
noticing the wound. "You might just start a new fashion trend
within the Jedi Academy. That would definitely be amusing, what
with all the young Padawan's being disciplined by their
Masters...for...getting...piercings..."
Sidious' eyes glazed over and Maul rolled his eyes.
"Father. I don't think it's very Sith-like to have sexual
thoughts about Jedi."
Sidious just widened his grin.
"My mental picture has them performing some very
Sith-like practices of 'Naughty Padawan being disciplined by
Strong Master'...and, 'Rebellious Padawan being bent over..."
"Father!"
Sidious murmured an acknowledgement of the fact his son was
complaining, but chose to stay in his mental world for a moment
longer. Or at least until the Handcuffed Padawan had finished
being spanked by the Randy Master.
Maul just rolled his eyes again and stared off at his brother
who was currently deeply involved in an argument with another
Jedi...
"My lightsaber's bigger than your lightsaber!"
Maul quickly tuned out of eavesdropping on that conversation.
He instead took Sidious' advice and shot a full-pelt lustful
look at a passing Padawan. The poor young boy slipped over on
his own drool and fell to the floor unconscious and limp. Well,
the majority of his body was limp, anyway. Maul grinned smugly.
He was starting to suspect this night wouldn't be as bad as he
originally thought. He turned his attention to his father.
Sidious was currently accumulating his own puddle of drool as
his pelvis slowly thrust forward into the invisible Disobedient
Padawan before him.
Maul shuddered. Back to Mace he thought.
He returned his attentions to his brother, who was now having
the finer points of Force-use argued at him...
"I can mind whammy better than you can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"No I can't!...Damn!"
Maul grinned. Annoying though his brother was, there was still
a degree of family pride hanging around when it came to
defeating a Jedi at anything. Luckily for him, though, he
didn't have to feel sibling pride for too much longer, as at
that moment, Qui-Gon Jinn entered the hall.
"The Honourable Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master," the announcer
intoned by way of an introduction as the guest of the Ball
entered the hall. Hundreds of heads turned to gasp in awe at
the sight of the one so famous and respected. Then all politely
pretended the distinguished one didn't trip over his own robe,
two steps into the room.
"He's a big man," one three-headed creature whispered to
another, by way of a comment on Qui-Gon's accident. "I heard
Master Yoda once say that it must be quite difficult for the
man as he has such big feet."
"Master Yoda said that?" replied the creature's companion in
astonishment and disbelief.
"Well, no, actually he said: 'Clumsy he is, when clodhoppers he
has to walk on.'"
Before that conversation could go any further, Qui-Gon began
his journey into the centre of the room, indicating that the
selection process for his future Padawan was to begin.
Suddenly, the entire room seemed to be upon the Jedi Master,
pushing and shoving each other in desperate attempts to grab
his attention. Some opted to stick body parts at him in the
hope he'd find them attractive. Others tried to strike up
conversations but they all drowned each other out as the
talking turned into yelling in an effort to be heard. Maul
stood back throughout all this, pondering his first move. He
looked to his father for advice. Sidious gave a motion with his
hand that brought a wicked smile to Maul's face. In one swift
hand movement all the Padawans were scattered around the room,
leaving a clear path to the lone figure of Qui-Gon, who was
looking rather confused and wondering whether he'd accidentally
done that while trying to push bodies away to gain breathing
space.
His thoughts were short-lived as Maul strode quickly up to
Qui-Gon, shouldering all other Padawans who'd managed to
recover too quickly out of the way, and struck a
groin-stirringly provocative pose. After the cleaners had
rushed in to do an emergency clean-up of the drool-flooded
floor, Maul thought it was time to move onto introductions.
"My name is Maul."
"Maul," replied Qui-Gon, obviously very interested. "Do
you have a surname?"
"Sith do not ha-!...er...I mean, no, apparently I don't."
Qui-Gon's expression turned to a slightly puzzled one, but upon
Maul completing a quick bicep flex he lost all interest in what
had been said.
"That's a fine body you have, Maul," he said instead. "Do you
train in the academy's gym often?"
Maul considered his reply.
"Yes," he answered. "I train against Jedi often."
Qui-Gon nodded, completely missing the underlying subtext.
"Care to dance?" he said instead, trying for a more forward
tactic.
Maul shot him a grin, momentarily regretted it after noticing
Qui-Gon's flash of fear at his teeth, but compensated by
performing a quick grope of the Jedi Master's cock.
Screw subtlety Maul thought as Qui-Gon jumped in
surprise and delight and almost tripped over his own
feet...again...in the effort to push as many parts of his body
towards Maul in one go as was humanly possible. The problem
there was that Maul was already halfway to the dance floor,
leaving a stumbling Jedi Master desperately trying to catch up
to him. By this stage, all other Padawans had recovered and the
dancing room was now quite crowded.
All the better for cover and escape thought Maul.
As they spun around the room, Maul caught a glance from
Sidious, followed by a meaningful nod. He knew what that meant
and he chuckled evilly.
"Is something funny?" Qui-Gon asked worriedly.
Maul looked a little sheepish upon realising that chuckling to
oneself should probably mean inside one's head. Now he
had to think of an excuse.
"Err...just thinking of...something...someone said..." He
grimaced. Good one, Maul he thought to himself. That
was original Suddenly his brain thought it would work
again. Hey! Why do I even care what he thinks?! It's not
like I'm seriously trying to impress him!
Maul looked up into Qui-GOn's eyes to find them staring at him
strangely. He gave the Jedi a half-hearted grope to clear up
any worries, and then reached for the dagger he'd hidden among
his robes earlier. The blade caught the light as he turned it
slightly in his hand, searching for the perfect grip.
"Twirl?"
"Huh?"
Maul quickly put his hand back in his robes and gave Qui-Gon a
quizzical look.
"Can I twirl you?" the Jedi Master asked again, one hand lifted
about head height and doing spinning motions of an invisible
partner in an attempt to explain the move.
"Oh, ok," agreed Maul as his plan clicked into action inside
his head. He'd spin around a few times and as Qui-Gon would
pull him back into his arms, he would thrust the dagger deep
into his stomach. He reached up to the Jedi Master's offered
hand and began to twirl in time to the music, the dagger slowly
inching out from its hiding place. He noticed his brother Mace
dancing close by just as planned, and angled himself so as to
be ready to plant the dagger on him when the deed was done.
Finally the time was right and he undertook a wide twirl and
came around to face Qui-Gon, dagger at the ready. He stabbed
hard and fast. He felt the blade penetrate the vulnerable body
easily, sliding in smoothly. He grinned widely, his mouth set
in a triumphant smirk as slowly his head settled down from
after the spinning and his eyes focused on the impaled figure
of the cream puff.
"What the...??!!!!!!!!!!!"
Maul's head shot around to take in the sight of the very much
alive Jedi Master who had moved about a foot away from his
planned position and was staring intently at the doorway to the
hall. A majorly serious flood was occurring on the floor in
front of Qui-Gon as the drool cascaded off his gaping jaw.
Maul's head shot back to the cream puff which had been skewered
with deadly accuracy on his dagger.
"Hmm...cream puff..." he mumbled as his stomach made its
opinions known. "Lactose intolerant..." his mouth automatically
added as his left arm reflexively grabbed a nearby waiter.
"Not a problem, sir. We cater for everyone's needs," replied
the distracted waiter, and at that moment Maul realised
everyone in the room had frozen and was facing the sight
in the doorway. He turned to look at what was causing such an
interest. His eyes took in the sight of a stunning mystery
Padawan, clad perfectly in Jedi robes and shining black boots,
and an impressively long Padawan braid.
"Damn, that's long," muttered Maul appreciatively, then
jealousy overcame him...then common sense conquered both
reactions and he shook his head. I do not like Jedi, and how
can I be jealous of not having a Padawan braid that I can't
even grow he rationalized to himself. And while you're
at it, me, pick your lower jaw off the ground and act like a
true Sith before Father kills you his self-respect added.
Speaking of Father... he thought as he turned his head
around the room in the hope that his reaction to the
extraordinary Padawan hadn't been seen by Sidious. His eyes
widened in shock and disgust as he noticed a frozen-still
Sidious holding an unconscious match of
I-Can-Drool-More-Than-You-Can with various Padawans surrounding
him.
"Who is that masked man?" gasped Sidious to the room in
general.
"He's not masked..." ventured a helpful waiter.
Sidious glared at him.
"Does 'Who is that unmasked man' sound anywhere near as
impressive? I think not!"
"Well...no...but..."
"Oh, I see. What, you were going for more of a: 'Who is that
man with nothing really covering his face?'"
It was at this stage in the conversation that the poor waiter
realised he probably should have kept his mouth shut.
"Err...no...but why mention what does or doesn't cover his
face, anyway? I mean, why not just say: 'Who is that man?...'
Short and too the point, you see."
"What?!" Sidious spluttered out. "'Who is that man'?! What
are you thinking?!"
"Sorry!" apologized the waiter, without even wondering why he
should have to apologize. "How about: 'Who is that fine looking
Padawan'?"
"Boring!"
"'Who is that impressiv-'"
"NO!!"
"'Who is that sexy young thing'?"
"Hmm...actually, that's not bad," Sidious conceded. "But how
about changing it a little to: "Who is that masked man'?" he
inquired politely with a subtle wave of his hand.
"Who is that masked man... Perfect! Genius!" exclaimed the
waiter, before shaking his head and drifting off into the
crowd.
Sidious smirked.
"I am hot shit," he thought.
Not far from him in the crowd, Maul shot his head around at the
sound of that line, and part of his brain told him in all
certainty that it would have sounded much better coming from
him. In some parallel dimension, far, far away, a group of
humanoids nodded fervently.
At that moment, as it seemed obvious that the man announcing
the arrival of guests was otherwise preoccupied with perving,
Yoda, who'd been left unnoticed at Obi-Wan's ankles, thought it
was time to break the spell.
"Nothing to see here, there isn't! Back to what you were doing,
please go!"
The crowd slowly fell back into action, accompanied by various
mumblings, the loudest being: "What's he mean, 'nothing to see
here'? From what I can see, there's one impressive load of
something to see!"
Maul, upon noticing that everything had nearly returned to
normal, felt he'd better try his assassination again before his
father noticed his first failure. All the Padawans in the room
were back to trying to impress Qui-Gon, and so Maul had to
shove his way through the fast developing crowd until he
reached the Jedi Master. He gave a few suggestive wiggles, some
meaningful gropes and otherwise sexually oriented behavior.
There was no response. Maul was confused. It had worked before.
What had changed? Then he noticed that the Jedi Master was
still standing stock still, staring at the young Padawan at the
doorway. Qui-Gon had eyes for no one else. No other Padawan in
the room could catch his attention, not even Maul whose best
muscle flexes were left completely unnoticed.
Meanwhile, Obi-Wan stood at the doorway, staring at the room in
awe. Never in his life had he thought he'd be here as a guest
rather than a servant. Suddenly his jaw dropped to the ground
as his eyes locked with those of the infamous Jedi Master for
whom this Ball was being held. His eyes bulged wide as he took
in the impeccably flawless appearance of the tall man, from his
silky long hair, to his huge...oh, so very huge hands...down to
his powerful legs visible above his shiny black boots.
"Gaahh..!" he said, quite emphatically.
Yoda, down by his left leg, placed a reassuring hand on the
young man's wrist patting it gently. He sensed the boy was
about to run in panic.
"Brave you will be. Do this, you can."
"I can't, Master Yoda!" whispered Obi-Wan worriedly. "How can I
ever fool him? He's so...regal and famous and handsome...and
wonderful...and..." He sighed melodramatically. "He'll never
want me," he finished sadly.
Yoda just chuckled causing Obi-Wan took look down in confusion.
"Want you he will. Want you already, he does!" Yoda said,
pointing at the Jedi Master who was still standing in a pool of
his own drool, staring directly at Obi-Wan.
"Ohmigod!!" screeched Obi-Wan in panic and excitement. "He's
looking at me!!" Quickly he did an automatic straightening of
non-existent creases in his robes and checked his wig was in
place. "What do I do?! I look okay, don't I? Oh! He's not
staring at me because I have something on my face, is he? I
don't do I?! Ohmigod, tell me I don't!!!!!"
Yoda held back a grin as he noticed Qui-Gon was running through
the same thoughts to himself half a room away.
"Look fine, you do. Talk to him, you should," advised Yoda,
administering a slight Force-push to the boy to send him on his
way over to Qui-Gon who was still subtly straightening his own
clothing and running fingers quickly through his hair.
In a matter of seconds, Obi-Wan was standing in front of the
man of his dreams.
Yikes! thought his subconscious, but his libido kicked
the worry down.
He looked up into equally love-stuck eyes and raised his
eyebrows in amazed delight. Qui-Gon bowed low then delicately
lifted the young man's hand and planted a delicate kiss on the
smooth skin. Obi-Wan came dangerously close to swooning, but
Yoda, who'd followed him over, tapped him on the shins
meaningfully before his composure could totally leave him.
"I am Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn," Qui-Gon introduced himself in
a very macho sounding voice.
"I...I...love you..." whispered Obi-Wan, experiencing mixed
emotions of excitement, fright, shock and embarrassment all in
one.
Qui-Gon completely lost his composure at Obi-Wan's confession,
and his voice rose about two octaves as giddiness overcame him.
"Really?!!!" he almost screeched. "Because...I..." He blushed
pink. "I...kinda think I love you too..." He giggled and Yoda
hit him in the shins to try and stop the man before he lost all
his dignity.
Meanwhile, Maul was planning his next assassination attempt
with his Father's unwanted help.
"Father! I know!" cried Maul for the eighth time in the
last five minutes. "Do it near Mace and make sure he's there
this time."
"Exactly, my boy," replied Sidious. "You nearly had it the
first time, if it wasn't for your poor aim."
"There's nothing wrong with my aim!" hissed Maul, steam
fizzling off his horns. Sidious smiled self-indulgently as he
soaked up the radiating anger. "And I'm surprised you noticed
considering I nearly could have killed you and the entire rest
of the room while you all stood staring open mouthed at that
new Padawan!"
"Everyone in the room, but Jinn" mocked Sidious. "This
time you will get it right and as you stab him I will reveal
myself to the Jedi-"
"-and we will have our revenge?"
"I was going to say that, boy. Don't interrupt me."
"I'd be sorry, Father, but that would be un-Sith like of me."
"Hmm...too true, my boy. Be bitter. It suits you wonderfully."
"Thank you, father."
"So you really fought against one hundred Sith and
won?!" Obi-Wan gasped in awe, well into admiring the endless
wonder that was Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master extraordinaire.
Qui-Gon nodded proudly, puffing his chest out.
"It could have been more like two hundred, actually," he
boasted, his voice lowering to an even manlier pitch.
Common sense momentarily made its way back into Obi-Wan's head.
"But haven't the Sith been extinct for 1000 years?"
Qui-Gon pondered this.
"I'm blessed with that natural youthful look."
"Wooowwww..." replied a mightily impressed Obi-Wan.
"Go over there, Maul!" hissed Sidious to his son. "Mace is in
position. Your time is now!"
A nagging thought suddenly rose to the surface of Obi-Wan's
mind, while he stood listening to Qui-Gon's new story of how
he'd saved an entire planet by the clever use of a hairpin and
paperclip.
"Master Qui-Gon! Senator Palpatine and Maul are Sith and
they're planning on assassinating you tonight!"
He looked slightly embarrassed at having forgotten such an
important fact and shot a worried look at Yoda, but the little
Jedi Master hadn't noticed due to the fact he'd started a
one-creature conga line circling the two men's legs. Qui-Gon
stared at Obi-Wan, hardly changing his expression.
"Sith? That's nice. So what are you doing later?"
Obi-Wan paused. His brain told him he had a choice of two
responses to Qui-Gon's reaction, one Sith-related, one not. All
parts of his anatomy joined forces and made the decision for
him. He giggled cutely.
"Nothing..." he replied shyly, batting his eyelashes.
Yoda, who'd been hovering with one foot in the air next to
Obi-Wan's ankles, hit Qui-Gon sharply on the shin.
"OWW!!"
"Serves you right, it does. Imminent danger, you are in, yet
act like hormone-ruled boy, you do!!"
Just then the imminent danger made his way to Obi-Wan and
Qui-Gon, under the watchful eye of his father. Sidious' smile
grew wider as he saw Maul slowly draw his dagger into view once
again. He allowed himself a self-indulgent cackle as Maul
pretended to stumble into the two Jedi and he saw a glint of
light as the weapon was thrust firmly into Qui-Gon's stomach.
Sidious laughed out loud as he saw the Jedi Master's expression
of surprise and shock as the man hunched over slightly, his
weight supported instantly by the Padawan.
Sidious knew his moment had come.
Stepping forward, he flourished his previously hidden
lightsaber and let his face distort into its usual evil
expression. He began a snicker, turned it into a chuckle, which
rose into a full-blown cackle, and ending in a most impressive
bellowing scream. Needless to say, that was a
conversation-stopper.
"You idiots!!" he screeched. "All you pathetic Jedi will cower
before me and be ruled by the Sith! Our time has come and evil
and destruction will conquer the universe!!
Ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"
Maul rolled his eyes.
Unfortunately for Sidious, his speech was momentarily ignored
as all eyes were now focused on Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, the latter
of the two still cupping the taller man's cock in his hand.
Qui-Gon was bent over a little in a futile attempt to stop his
instant erection, and Maul was left unnoticed about a foot
away, steam threatening to frizzle his horns off his skull.
Sidious paused. Suddenly the pieces started clicking together.
Maul still had the dagger in his hand, completely free of
bloodstains. Slowly he replayed the scene in his mind. Maul had
thrust the dagger after bumping into the two Jedi. What had
gone wrong? Oh. The Padawan had been in mid-process of reaching
for an uncharacteristically bold grope, and was knocked forward
into completing the move faster than anticipated. Qui-Gon
naturally had been surprised and had reflexively bent down into
the young man's grip, just as Maul's dagger came around for the
final kill. Yet he missed again as the Jedi Master had bent his
body out of its original position, saving his life.
Bugger that boy thought Sidious. If this is going to
be done, it looks like I'm going to have to do it myself
In the split second he sent off a round of purple lightning
aimed straight for the Jedi Master's head, Qui-Gon bent his
head further down to finally plant his first tentative kiss on
Obi-Wan's lips. The bolt of lightning continued on its path and
ended up setting alight the row of sparklers upon Qui-Gon's
celebratory cake, causing a very impressive light show. A
chorus of ooooh's and ahhhh's filled the room. Suddenly as one,
everyone in the hall was sufficiently distracted from the Jedi
to allow the words that Sidious had just yelled sink into their
brains like lead. A room full of Jedi turned their heads,
reached for their lightsabers and stared at the Senator.
Sidious stared back.
"Oh. What an absolute bastard."
And with that he Force jumped out of the closest window, never
to be seen again.
By this stage, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were still completely
ignorant of what was happening around them, and in fact were
now sitting on the floor with their hands groping anything
within reach. Obi-Wan was staring in amazement at Qui-Gon's
long hair, running his fingers through the silky strands.
"I use shampoo and conditioner twice a day, you know,"
commented Qui-Gon proudly. "That's how I maintain that shiny,
healthy look."
"That's so clever!" replied a love-struck Obi-Wan.
Yoda hobbled up and smacked Qui-Gon with his cane, trying to
bring the man's attention to the recent dramas surrounding him.
Qui-Gon jerked back as he felt the blow, his hands getting
caught on his young love's braid as he did so. Obi-Wan made a
quick grab for his head as he felt the pins of his wig come
loose.
"Pay attention, you will!" yelled Yoda to Qui-Gon. "Sith, there
was!"
Qui-Gon completely ignored him as all he could notice was the
fact that the lovely Padawan was standing up, clutching his
head.
"Did I hurt you?" Qui-Gon almost cried, reaching for the boy's
head in an attempt to stroke him better.
"I'm fine!" squealed Obi-Wan, feeling even more pins coming
loose. It would not hold much longer, he was sure of that. "I
have to go! I'm sorry! I have to go now!" He ran for the door,
desperately hoping his wig would hold until he was out of sight
of everyone.
"Wait!!" Qui-Gon yelled after him, and as Obi-Wan half turned
to take one last look at the Jedi Master, he tripped over his
Jedi robes. He managed to steady himself and keep running but
his wig fell fully to the ground, both his hands now too
preoccupied with holding the bottom of his robes up to notice
the loss. Out of the door of the great hall he ran, leaving a
room full of chaos behind him.
Only Qui-Gon stood still, surrounded by people rushing madly
about him. Yet he was oblivious to all his surroundings as he
slowly walked over and picked up the fallen wig, staring
longingly at it with mixed emotions of infatuation,
disappointment, and worry. Yet there was one emotion that rose
above all else.
Determination.
(...the next day...)
"Father was a Sith, Maul!!" screeched Mace for the one hundred
and fifty second time since they'd returned from the Ball the
night before.
"Yes. Congratulations," muttered Maul, in an utterly black
mood. "Your hearing's fine. Oh look. So is mine. I HEARD IT
TOO, YOU IDIOT!!"
Obi-Wan, lost under a pile of clothes to be washed, thought
he'd better stay away from his two fuming brothers.
Well, it was worth it he thought to himself. I had my
moment of fantasy, so I suppose it's back to real life for me.
I shouldn't fool myself into thinking Master Qui-Gon would ever
wish to speak to be again if he found out that I am just a
lowly servant
He sighed quietly and began picking up the last of the clothes
to be brought down to the laundry-room. Before he could make it
to the door, a pitiful knock was heard. The sound conveyed a
lot about the emotional state of the person knocking. Maul and
Mace paused in their fight and both grabbed the handle after a
brief struggle and pulled open the door roughly. Qui-Gon Jinn
stood before them, head bowed in depression and huge hands
fidgeting with the limp hair he was holding.
"I'm searching for the one whose wig this is," he sighed sadly.
"He left me so quickly last night. I don't even know his name."
Maul, knowing that his father would probably find him soon
enough and want a progress report, decided he better try his
hand at the wig.
"It's mine," he admitted, not too convincingly.
Qui-Gon looked at him in doubt.
"Err...I'm...not so...sure of that...but you can try if you
want," he offered diplomatically.
Maul grabbed the wig from the Jedi Master's hands and placed it
on his head. Mace burst out in a fit of laughter. Even the
thoroughly depressed Qui-Gon managed to twitch up a corner of
his mouth. The view, admittedly, was quite amusing. Maul stood
in the middle of the room with the light browny-blond wig
balancing awkwardly on top of his horns like a badly fitting
toupee. He growled and snatched it off his head, realising he
wasn't going to win by this tactic. He then noticed Qui-Gon
staring at him with a puzzled expression on his face. Maul was
past caring.
"What?" he snapped.
"Haven't I seen you before?"
Maul came dangerously close to undertaking an automatic pout
but luckily realised that he shouldn't care that the Jedi
Master couldn't remember his spectacular flirting.
"Maybe," he mumbled. "S'not like I'd remember you or anything."
Mace chuckled and made it very clear that he'd seen Maul's
desperate attempts the night before of trying to catch
Qui-Gon's attention.
"Rejected!" he whispered mockingly and stuck his tongue out.
"Can I try?! Can I?!" piped Mace to Qui-Gon, snatching the wig
away.
"Err...Mace," said Qui-Gon, utterly confused by now. "You're a
Jedi Master like me. You can't be a Padawan too. You do realise
this...don't you?"
Mace pouted and fluttered his eyelashes.
"I could be a Padawan if you'd like me too," he replied coyly.
Qui-Gon's expression of panic was enough to tell Mace he didn't
have much of a chance. The Jedi Master turned to leave.
"Well...thank you for your time," he sighed. "There's no one
else who lives here, is there?" he asked as an afterthought, a
slight tinge of optimism raising his voice ever so slightly.
"No one worth noting," replied Maul, and Mace laughed as he
nodded his head in agreement.
Obi-Wan, still obscured under the huge pile of clothes he was
carrying, drooped his entire posture in resignation. He'd
hoped... Maybe... A chance...? But no. He shouldn't think
stupid thoughts like that. It was at that moment he realised
that he'd dropped all the clothes when his limbs had fallen
slack, and so he bent down to retrieve them. He heard a gasp as
he did so and raised his head slightly to notice Qui-Gon
staring at him intently.
"Who are you?" the Jedi Master asked, stepping forward to help
the boy collect his dropped clothing.
"He's no one important," interrupted Mace. "Our step-brother if
you must know, not that we like admitting that. The stupid
little runt is more trouble than he's worth."
"Yeah," agreed Maul. "Just a servant. Ignore him."
Qui-Gon only half-heard their words as he stared deeply into
Obi-Wan's eyes. Without saying a word, he reached up with the
wig and placed it gently on the boy's head. A perfect fit.
"By the Force..!"
Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan by the hand and helped him stand up. Then
he stood back and soaked in the view. He'd found him! It was
definitely the same young man. The clothes were old and torn;
nothing like the Jedi uniform he'd worn the night before, but
it was definitely him. Qui-Gon hardly noticed the dirty
clothes. In his opinion, the boy standing before him was fit to
be an angel in heaven.
"YOU??!!!"
The word was screamed simultaneously by both Mace and Maul, and
reverberated down the passageway outside their room, nearly
deafening anyone unfortunate enough to be walking past at the
moment. Yoda was one such victim.
"OWW! Buggered you are! Hurt, that did!!"
Yoda stumbled his way into the room, clutching at his huge and
very sensitive ears. He stopped short as he took in the scene
before him. A slow smile crept over his face as he looked at
the two men nearest to him, both standing stock still, eyes
locked together, Qui-Gon's hand still holding Obi-Wan's in an
gentle grip. He then turned his head to shoot a glare at Mace
and Maul, calling over a couple of passing guards in the
corridor as he did so.
"Young Obi-Wan," he said after working out the best course of
action at this point. He tapped the boy on the shins and did
the same to Qui-Gon for good measure. After a few more taps
which had become more like thumps, both men noticed the little
Jedi Master.
"Master Yoda!" exclaimed Obi-Wan.
"Obi-Wan..." whispered Qui-Gon, ignoring his former Master and
instead just relishing the sound of the boy's name. "That's a
pretty name."
Obi-Wan blushed and bowed his head in embarrassment. Mace made
puking noises. Yoda shot Mace a not very impressed glare.
"Expect higher levels of maturity from Council members, I do,"
he reprimanded. Mace had the decency to look slightly sheepish
and Maul took the opportunity to laugh in his face.
"Obi-Wan," Yoda said, turning his attentions to the boy and
motioning to the guards to pay attention. "Tell us about the
Sith, you will."
Obi-Wan looked momentarily confused and worried, but a slight
squeeze of his hand by Qui-Gon was enough to send him into a
running monologue.
"Father is a Sith and Maul is too!" he began emphatically,
pointing an accusing finger across the room at his brother.
"They planned your assassination and were going to blame it on
Mace, Master Qui-Gon!"
Qui-Gon's expression turned to one of shock and confusion.
"My assassination?!" he exclaimed. "When were they planning on
doing this?"
"Last night, at the Ball!"
"But I didn't notice anyone trying to kill me..." said the Jedi
Master, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Not very mindful of anything but the boy, you were," commented
Yoda with a slight knowing grin.
"Oh," replied Qui-Gon, a little embarrassed. "Was Mace in on
this?"
"This I doubt," said Yoda. "After all, set him up they were
going to do."
Suddenly a pillow Force-threw itself across the room and hit
Maul in the face.
"You were going to set me up?!!" Mace yelled.
"You...you...SITH!!!"
"Yes?" snarled Maul. "Your point?"
Yoda made a motion with his hand at the guards and quickly Maul
was grabbed and held tight.
"To the dungeons, you will go! Maybe killed you will be!"
yelled Yoda, having decided that he was not having the best day
of his life by this stage in the proceedings.
"If I might..." Obi-Wan tentatively started. He paused while
everyone's attention turned to him and Yoda motioned for him to
continue. "It seems a little...drastic...isn't it? I
mean...shouldn't you maybe try and rehabilitate him in a caring
environment...or...something..." His voice trailed off and he
lost his confidence. Qui_Gon felt that if he hugged the boy
close it might cheer him up, or at least was willing to use
that as an excuse for making more physical contact.
Yoda sighed.
"Suppose you are right, I do," he admitted. "Community service,
he will perform."
Maul sneered.
"You think that your pitiful attempts at rehabilitating me will
work?!" He laughed mockingly. "You don't have the means of
turning me! I am Sith! You can never change what I am!!
AAAAHAHAhahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!"
He paused in shock.
"Oh. My. God! I'm turning into my father!"
No other words he had ever or would ever say in his life could
have brought upon a greater level of horror within him.
"But you're a Sith, Maul," interrupted Mace. "Doesn't that mean
you want to be like Father?"
Maul grimaced.
"He's our Father, Mace," said Maul, as though that would
explain everything. "Sith or not, it still means I've actually
inherited aspects of his personality! Do you have
any idea how frightening that is for a child to realise they've
turned into one of their parents?!!"
Maul was nearly yelling in panic by the end of his outburst.
Even Yoda felt a sudden urge to pat him on the shoulder
consolingly, but luckily resisted.
"Yesssss..." Yoda mumbled, more to himself that anyone else.
"Punishment enough, that knowledge is. Less painful, I will
make your formal rehabilitation."
Maul had recovered enough by now to give a small, half-hearted
glare.
"It won't work. You can't break me."
"See about that, we will," replied Yoda, deep in thought. He
looked over at Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon who were blissfully unaware
of the conversation surrounding them due to being too busy
giving each other tentative touches and kisses on any body
parts within reach.
"Padawan," whispered Qui-Gon, half as a question, half as a
statement.
Obi-Wan smiled in absolute delight.
"Master," he replied, and with that Qui-Gon suddenly swept
Obi-Wan off his feet and carried him out of the room in what
both Maul and Mace thought was a puke-worthy show of romantic
love.
Yoda turned his attentions back to Maul.
"Decision I have made," he announced finally. "Servant you will
be, Maul. Do everything Obi-Wan had to, you will." Maul just
sneered so Yoda continued on. "Make platform shoes for me, you
will. Lower all door-handles in building, you will." He paused
for dramatic effect before shooting Mace a very un-Jedi-like
smirk. "And design and fit my...evening wear, you will!"
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