Rating: PG-13, language, I don't understand these ratings well,
sorry
Spoilers: TPM
Summary: A more in-depth view of the scene at the laser fence
during Phantom Menace
Feedback: Always welcome
Disclaimer: These characters were not stolen and warped with
any form of malicious intent, there has been a fair amount of
negligence committed, but not terribly purposefully. George,
forgive me.
The three warriors charged through the narrow hallway. The
first two, a tall, long-haired jedi and a shorter, red-skinned
and horned sith clashed their lightsabers furiously as they
moved into the corridor. Behind them, a lithe young jedi raced
to join the fray. Just as the tunnel completely enclosed them,
a humming noise began to emanate from the machinery housed in
the walls of the corridor. Lights flared and beams of red force
shot out between the walls, isolating the combatants from one
another.
Their battle disrupted, the ancient enemies were compelled to
stall their fighting until the electronic barriers were lifted.
Senses stretched out along the lines of the force to ascertain
the solidity of the laser walls. When each man was certain that
he was effectively trapped, all three began to reflect on his
own particular situation.
Obi-Wan Kenobi's thoughts: I must reach my master. He needs
my assistance. I must be prepared to move at top speed the
instant the barrier is released. Got to stay alert. Watch for
any movement. Focus on the force. Qui-Gon is so far ahead. I've
got to be ready
Darth Maul's thoughts: These barriers will not deter me.
The instant they are gone, I shall rejoin the battle with even
greater fervor. First the old man, then the boy. Revenge will
be mine
Qui-Gon Jinn's thoughts: I've got a bad feeling about
this
Obi-Wan Gotta keep moving. Keep limber. I must be ready in
a split second. I can't let my master down. Avoid cramping,
that's important. Jogging, yes, it will keep the blood flowing.
Left leg, right leg, left leg, right leg...
Maul Why is the blonde one hopping? What is this? Oh,
great. Now the old one's kneeling. Is this normal? I mean, no
one told me about this kind of stuff. All I got was 'Go reveal
yourself to the jedi, seek revenge.' Nothing about this crap.
My mission briefing never said anything about force beams or
dancing jedi. Sidious has a lot of explaining to do on this
one
Qui-Gon I've got a really bad feeling about this
Obi-Wan I've got to figure a way to get to Qui-Gon as fast
as possible. I must time it exactly, perfectly, down to the
letter. By observation of the first movement of the force
beams, perhaps I can extrapolate a timetable for the barrier
change. Concentrate. Right leg, left leg, use brain, right leg,
left leg...
Maul Not that I even got to reveal myself to the jedi
really, I mean, I just stood there and all of a sudden they're
shucking their robes and making like they're ready for the
battle royal. I spent a lot of time on my speech too. But did
these guys care? Hell, no! They're like, 'Hey, a sith lord.
Let's get it on.' Who made up all that crap about jedi doing
the defense-only thing, anyway? What a crock of shit. My
revelation was priceless, too. Actually, it still is. 'Attend
me ancient enemies and heed my warning....'
Qui-Gon I mean, really, really, really bad
Obi-Wan OK, at an assumed rate of ten micro glornks per
second, the beam would make a rotation in approximately two
chronos, barring mechanical failure or extraordinary wind
resistance. If my speed, which at its best is clocked at
approximately twelve parsnips per lurfet, holds and assuming
good traction from my boots and taking into account the ankle
sprain I had three months ago and counting the weight of my
clothing as negligible and...
Maul ...Now stand you forth to do battle as we surely
must.' Yes, quite good. If I do say so myself. And I suppose I
must, since no one else got to hear it. Stupid jedi
Qui-Gon Not one of those ordinary 'bad feelings,' mind you,
but more of a big-ass, humongo-jongo, planet-shaking, knees
trembling, hair-standing-up-on-the-back-of your-neck,
goose-pimply,
hiding-in-the-corner-clutching-your-stuffed-wookie kind of bad
feeling
Obi-Wan Hang on a minute, here. Master Qui-Gon is not
limbering up, or even standing for that matter. He's
meditating. Uh-oh. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. Crap. Well, I
can't switch now. The beams will change any second and besides
I'd just look like a copy cat or something
Maul At least the little one has stopped bouncing. Crikey,
I was getting a headache from all that. Ooh, what's that? Ouch.
A peanut shell between my teeth. Ow, ow. Wait, there, got it.
Phew. Oops, the young one is looking at me funny. Did he see
that? Better cover it with an evil sneer. Yeah, that always
works
Obi-Wan Hey! That sith weasel is snarling at me. Well, how
rude. Granted, we're enemies and all, but jeez, show a little
decorum. Uncouth dark side trash
Qui-Gon I know I should be mindful of the living force, but
I don't think I want to know what it is telling me just now.
Perhaps if I don't listen?
Maul It's the lack of companionship that bothers me most,
really. I mean, sure, there can be only two sith lords at a
time. But you know, sometimes a guy just wants to talk, hang
out, maybe do a little shopping with his buds. Is that so
wrong? I mean Sidious tries and all, but he's always so busy
with the senate, the campaigns and the plots for galactic
domination, not to mention the interns. I just need a little
together-time now and again
Qui-Gon I'm sorry, force, but Qui-Gon can't hear you right
now, he's washing his hair. Yes, I'm sure it is important. Doom
and gloom? Well, just leave a message, he'll get back to
you
Obi-Wan My master certainly looks serene. How does he do
it? I could not begin to meditate so purposefully at a time
like this. Such command of the force, such reserves of strength
and patience, such broad scrumptious shoulders...
Maul Of course the two sith at a time plan does have its
advantages I suppose. No competition. Every apprentice
graduates at the top of his class. Individual instruction. No
one borrowing your clothes...
Qui-Gon I can't hear you, force. La La La La...
Obi-Wan ...long, muscular legs with steely thighs like the
trunks of small trees. Those powerful, sculpted arms. Firm,
rounded buttocks...
Maul Of course there is something of a ceiling on
advancement. Oh sure, overthrow your master and take an
apprentice then you're top dog. But, it's just kind of short
sighted, is all. I mean, one move upward, and you've got
nowhere else to go. Yeah, there's always that 'take over the
galaxy and be supreme warlord or emperor or high potentate' but
honestly, is that a realistic goal? I mean, maybe if we didn't
kill off our mentors, we could create more middle management
positions. Give us something to strive for besides being the
one all-powerful muckedty-muck. Like that could ever really
happen
Qui-Gon All right, that's it. Force, you're full of shit.
Just because you're giving me the heebee-jeebees doesn't mean
anything. I mean, you told me Anakin would be a great jedi, but
you screwed up and told Yoda and the council he was evil.
Obviously you are not infallible. I choose at this point to
ignore your erroneous warning
Obi-Wan ...licking me from head to toe. And then I'll get
the marshmallows and, wait! Must concentrate! The beams will be
down soon. Must make ready. Ready for marshmallows and rope. Oh
yes, it's not the same without the rope...
Maul I suppose I should have gone to law school like my dad
always wanted. I just didn't think I was willing to stifle my
creativity like that. And all that schmoozing and networking.
At least in an organization of two, there is only one butt to
kiss. Besides, I could never be cutthroat enough to be a
lawyer
Qui-Gon Ha! I laugh at you force and your silly
precognitive warnings! I pay you no heed. I have seen you for
what you really are, a psychic network phone operator with
delusions of grandeur!
Obi-Wan ...then after he dries off, we'll put on our Zorro
costumes and, Wait! Wait! Must concentrate. Stay limber.
Limber, oh yeah, like doing that backbend trick...
Maul I think I feel a yawn coming on. That won't do. Maybe
I can disguise it as another grimace...
Qui-Gon Yes, I truly feel confident. I have never felt more
certain of any thing in my life. I will triumph!
At that moment, the humming began again and within seconds the
beams began to dissolve.
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