It's In The Water

by The Rose (rosarocaminis@yahoo.com)

Title: It's In The Water
Author: The Rose
Archive: M/A and my web site, http://www.sockiipress.org/~rose
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Q/O
Category: humor/parody
Warnings: If you're smart, you'll run away screaming before you read this! ;) Also, written in a few minutes and not beta'ed.
Spoilers: Are you kidding???
Feedback: *waves hand slowly in air* You WILL send feedback. Ah, come on! You know you want to! Either on-list or off to: rosarocaminis@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: George Lucas owns all things Star Wars and makes a fortune off of them. Me, I write for the fun of it and give it away for free.
Summary: Okay, blame this one on Buffy for her "Qui-Gon hick" bunny, on Glass Houses for upping the ante with Mace's line, and to Gaia, who ran away screaming after leaving me with the undying image of Bubba Windu and Obi Gump.

"Something in the water, it must have been," Yoda said softly, as he and most of the rest of the Council stared at the scene unfolding in a locked and Force-blocked room in the Healer's Wing.

"Hush up, will you?" Ki-Adi-Mundi said, leaning forward in his chair. "I want to hear this."

He turned the volume up, and Qui-Gon Jinn's voice filled the Council chamber. "Anybody want some'a dese grits?" he asked, scooping globs of the lumpy white stuff onto his plate.

Beside him, his Padawan screwed up his face. "It's disgustin', that's what. Why'dya wanna eat stuff that smells like the inside of my boots?"

"Cuz it tastes good," Qui-Gon said. He spooned a generous portion onto a second plate and handed it to the man seated across from him.

'Thank ya kindly," Mace Windu said, shoveling a spoonful into his mouth. "Mmm, mmm, mmm! What'd ya season that with, Jinn? Bacon drippin's?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "Nope. Pork lard. Tasty, huh?" He turned to hold a spoonful up towards his Padawan's face. "Try it, Obi. It's purty good, if'n I do say so m'self."

Obi-Wan frowned at the sight. "It's nasty."

"It won't kill ya to taste it. You're just being bad."

"No, sir," the apprentice disagreed. "You ain't seen bad yet, but it's comin'. Specially if ya try an' make me eat that!"

Qui-Gon glowered at him. With an audible sigh, Obi-Wan scrunched up his face again but opened his mouth obediently, allowing his Master to feed him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he chewed the grits briefly before swallowing them. Slowly, his eyes opened and met Qui-Gon's. "You know?" he said, licking his lips clean, "That's not bad!"

"See?" Qui-Gon said with a huge grin. "Told ya you'd like it!" He looked over at Windu, who had gotten entirely too serious and was watching Obi-Wan with an intent stare. Qui-Gon nudged him with his toe. "Whatcha starin' at, Mace?"

"Ya know," the dark-skinned Councilman began, watching as Obi-Wan licked his lips again. "That boy's got a purty mouth."

With a wave of his hand, Yoda muted the sound. "Take more of this I cannot. Cure them, the Healers must."

"How long have they been this way?" Yarael Poof wanted to know.

"Fine they were," Yoda said, "when saw them this morning I did." Then his eyes lit up as the Force spoke to him. "Swimming, they all were. In the water, the contagion must be!" He climbed off his seat and began hobbling rapidly toward the door.

"Master Yoda! Where are you going?"

"To the Healer's Wing! Splashed me, Qui-Gon did, dadgummit! Now, looking purty good dem grits are!"

The End, thank the Force!