Master Apprentice Archive Irresistible Force Quick search:

Feedback: Oh, give it to me baby ...

Archive: M_A and the Jediphiles site

Category: Angst, First-time

Pairing: Q/O

Rating: NC-17

Spoilers: none

Summary: Some temptations are impossible to resist.

Disclaimer: George Lucas is da man. He owns everything. We just play.

Warnings: big strong Jedi guys crying

Series: no

Note: I am writing a bunch of drabbles for the tpm100 on LJ, and I happened to write Obi-Wan's thinking, "...my reticence didn't stand a chance against the irresistable force of his desire...." The phrase became a bunny, and here is the fuzzy result.

"The council will decide Anakin's fate. That should be enough for you. Now get on board."

What could I do? I am sworn to obey, although after 13 years, I thought I had long since earned the right to be treated as more than just an underling to be ordered about. It stung. It stung more than being cast aside in front of the Council. At least there, I was accustomed to his bluster, his willingness to do or say anything to win an argument. In private ... I could not recall the last time I'd been talked to in that tone. After Melida/Daan, perhaps.

At any rate, his brusque dismissal finally convinced me: he really was done with me, as an apprentice, as a partner, and as anything else I might have hoped I could be to him. Mentally and emotionally, he had already moved on. There was no room in his life or in his heart for me any more. And I knew him well enough to realize he wouldn't change his mind.

I bit back another retort, turned, and boarded the ship.

The journey to Naboo was miserable -- at least for me. I don't know how it was for him. He didn't speak to me. He didn't, apparently, even think of me. The few times I saw him, he was absorbed in training Anakin, despite his acknowledgement that it was forbidden. I stood behind him as he and the Queen and Jar Jar plotted how to form an alliance with the Gungans and retake Naboo. I offered my opinion when she asked, but Qui-Gon did not so much as acknowledge me. It was beginning to seem more and more like a deliberate snub. I meditated and searched myself, wondering if I'd done anything to deserve his disapproval. I had supported him in the Council chambers. I had only argued in private. No, there was nothing. I was not in the wrong.

Even so, I humbled myself and apologized to him. It is the Jedi way.

He was kind; kinder than I expected, actually. What I had taken for contempt had apparently been distraction. But as he told me I had been (_had_ been!) a good apprentice, his smile did not reach his eyes. His mind was still on other things -- the coming battle, the Sith, his precious chosen one.

I don't know if he spared a thought for my feelings. He knew of my hopes; I could hardly hide from him. We hadn't spoken of it in so many words, but every once in a while, one or the other of us had said something that implied we'd be together, partnered, after my Knighting. He hadn't seemed averse to the idea, though he knew what I wanted was more than friendship. Surely if he'd had no thought of ever returning my feelings he would have discouraged me when I'd confessed my love a few years before. Instead, he'd merely said, "We cannot even discuss this until you're free of your Padawan vows," and changed the subject.

Now my hope for a future with him was shattered. I was cut adrift. Suddenly, Knighthood no longer held any attraction for me.

Anakin precipitated the confrontation that finally set me straight.

The boy had stumbled across me in the hyperdrive bay. I was running diagnostics. Unnecessary, really, but it was my way of hiding. We were in the forest, biding time, waiting for Amidala's messengers to return from Theed so that her plan could be put into play.

"Master Obi-Wan, sir," he said hesitantly.

I bit back a sharp rebuke, and forced myself to look at him. "It's just Obi-Wan, Anakin. What is it?"

"I was wondering ... is it worth it?"

I scowled. "What are you talking about?"

"Being a Jedi. Qui-Gon says it's a hard life. I know it must be. But he says it's worth it. No regrets, he says. No rewards, except for the joy of service. Only ... you don't seem to have much joy." He stopped, bit his lip uncertainly.

A great wellspring of pain seemed to bubble up out of me, and I choked on it. "Do you really want to know what it's like?" I said. "We pour out our lives for others, until there is nothing left of us but an empty shell for the Force to fill and use as it wills. And when it is done with us, even that shell is destroyed, and all that we are, all that we dream, and hope, is swallowed up by it. There is no passion because we cannot feel love. There is no death because we are already dead. _I_ am already dead!"

I realized I was shaking, and Anakin was crying, and suddenly Qui-Gon was in the doorway looking thunderous.

Anakin turned to him, clutching at him and burying his face in Qui-Gon's tunics. Qui-Gon held him and fixed me with a glare. "Obi-Wan is going through a difficult time," he said softly, and patted Anakin's head. "Forget what he said, and go get some rest." He put a touch of Force in the words. Anakin sniffed, nodded, and trudged off without looking back.

Qui-Gon stepped into the room and sealed the hatch behind him. "What was that about?"

I felt my fingers clench painfully on the hydrospanner in my hand. My heart was racing, my breathing ragged. I struggled to regain control. "I'm having a difficult time, as you said. Sorry to be a bother. I'm surprised you noticed."

He crossed his arms inside his sleeves. "I'd appreciate it if you'd try not to traumatize the boy. He's been through enough already."

With horror, I realized I had tears in my eyes. I turned and blinked them away. "Go be with him, then."

"Obi-Wan." I felt his hand descend on my shoulder, warm and comforting. More tears came and spilled onto my cheeks. I bit my tongue, hoping the pain would distract me enough to make them stop. I shrugged his hand off and took a step away from him.

I heard him sigh. "We don't need this right now. In less than a day we will be in battle. We need to get past this emotional distraction so that we can focus. Padawan --"

"Am I?" I turned and looked at him, not caring that he saw my tears. "Am I still?"

He frowned. "Still what?"

"Your Padawan."

He closed his eyes as if pained. "Obi-Wan ..."

I took a step toward him, reining in an impulse to shake him. "What am I to you?"

He opened his eyes then, and looked at me with such anguish it took my breath away. He closed his eyes again. "You are my heart," he whispered.

I rocked back, stunned. "Then why?"

He stood there, eyes still closed, head down, breathing through quivering nostrils, and did not answer. I had never seen him in such a state.

I stepped closer and cupped his cheek in my palm. "Master --"

He opened his eyes, pinning me with a brilliant blue stare. His lips parted, and his gaze flicked to my lips. With terrifying swiftness he had my head in his hands and he was kissing me, deep, punishing kisses that sent a rush of blood straight to my groin. I stumbled back with the violence of it, and he followed, undeterred, until I ended up with my back against the wall. His body was pressed to mine, dominating me, turning my knees to water.

His hands drifted down my tunics, parting them, running warm palms over my chest and belly. He unfastened my belt and let it clank to the floor. His mouth devoured mine, tongue and lips and teeth stroking, driving me out of my mind with desire. His hands slid around and grasped my hips, pulling our groins together. We were both rock hard.

I found the strength somehow to turn my head aside and push him away. "Stop," I gasped.

He took a step back. He was breathing hard, and his lips were swollen from the kisses. His eyes were wild. "What?"

"Am I still your apprentice?"

He shook his head slightly as if confused. "Yes." He reached for me again.

I slid away. "Then we can't do this."

He took a deep breath. Then another. "Obi-Wan," he said at last. "Do you want me?"

I swallowed. "The Code --"

"Fuck the Code. Do you want me?"

I blinked, shocked. "I don't understand -- you made it clear you don't want _me_ any more. What is going on?"

He raised a trembling hand very cautiously to touch my face. He cupped my chin and ran a thumb along my lips. "I _don't_ want you, Obi-Wan," he said softly. "I _crave_ you." He stepped closer and bent down for another rough kiss. I felt my confusion melt with the heat of his desire. Something in me seemed to break. Whatever was happening, I knew I didn't want to turn him away.

I pushed us apart again and met his eyes. "Then have me." I shrugged my tunics to the floor.

"Yes." He kissed me again, pushed me to the wall, ran his hands over my bare flesh, then he was sinking to his knees, slowly, running tongue and lips over my throat, my nipples, my stomach. He buried his face in my groin, and his hands fumbled at the ties to my leggings. He grunted as he mouthed my erection through the cloth.

I clutched at the wall and moaned. I'd never felt anything like this before, arousal bordering on pain. I'd never imagined him so out of control. Then he had my erection free, and he swallowed it whole.

I cried out, nearly falling. He held me steady with one hand. Force, it was too good, too much. He suckled and stroked, relaxing his throat to take me deep, then sliding away again. His tongue slid wetly around the head of my cock, stimulating me almost beyond bearing. A hot blush burned through my whole body, setting my skin aflame. He let go with one hand and reached up to cup my balls, stroked the skin between my legs with firm fingers. I think I shouted then, because he stilled. "Don't stop!" I begged, almost incoherent with need.

His mouth set to work again. His hand slid farther back, and a finger brushed against the opening to my body. I jumped, and the muscle there spasmed hard. I felt him chuckle, the vibration almost setting me off. His finger petted me, brushing over the bundle of nerves until the muscle opened a tiny bit and he was able to thrust one knuckle inside.

No one had ever touched me there. I'd imagined it might feel good; I'd had no idea it would make the top of my head come off.

I shouted again, and suddenly I was coming, thrusting and thrashing helplessly. His mouth continued to milk me, and his fingertip thrust into me again and again, and his thumb pressed hard beneath my scrotum, and my orgasm went on and on and on, until I thought I might pass out.

When the storm passed, I realized he was still suckling me, and I was still rock hard.

"Amazing," I managed to groan.

He let my cock pop out of his mouth. "We've only just started." He stood and stripped out of all his clothes with haste, then laid his cloak on the floor.

I kicked off my pants. "What now?" I asked, still breathless and none too steady in the knees.

"Lie down."

I was never so quick to obey a direct order. He straddled me and sat on my thighs. His erection was long and somewhat slender, the head swollen an angry red. It bobbed against mine, making me gasp. He reached into his discarded belt pouch, drew out a tube of UV block, and filled his palm with it. A fruity scent filled the air. He reached down to take both of our erections in hand. My body arched uncontrollably, and I banged my head against the deckplates. I moaned, the sound embarrasingly loud in the sealed hyperdrive chamber.

He was grunting, his eyes closed in fierce concentration as he stroked us. His other hand was busy behind him. Suddenly he rose up on his knees, scooted forward, and impaled himself upon me. The head of my cock slipped past a tight ring of muscle and slid deep, deep into unimaginable heat. Then he started to move, and all I could do was hold on for the ride. He pistoned himself up and down in a hard rhythm. I gripped his hips and thrust up to meet him.

Soon he was muttering in time to his thrusts: "Yes, yes, yes, yes." He reached down blindly and guided my hand to his still-slick erection. I fisted it roughly, barely aware of anything but the feeling of being buried deep inside him.

"Obi-Wan!" he shouted, his face contorted in what looked like agony. Hot ejaculate spilled over my hand, and his rhythm faltered. His muscles tightened painfully on my cock, and then I was coming, too, shouting his name.

After a moment, he stilled. I could not open my eyes. I felt as if someone had removed all my bones. My softening cock slipped out of him with a wet gush. He sighed.

At last I looked at him. His were still closed, but tears were leaking through. One rolled down his cheek and splashed on his thigh.

"Master?"

"I love you," he whispered fiercely. "Never forget that."

I was starting to become alarmed. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He stood, graceful as always. He dashed at his eyes. "We'd best get cleaned up before we're missed," he said, his voice neutral. He looked directly at me. "This will be a hard battle."

I drew myself up to a sitting position. "You've seen something."

He shook his head and started gathering up his clothing. "You know I've never had much use for visions."

I rolled onto his cloak so that he could not pick it up, then stood, glaring at him. "Tell me."

He sighed. "I saw you ... at your Knighting." His eyes met mine, and he looked almost apologetic. "I was not there."

"The future's not set --"

He held up a hand. "In my experience, the Force doesn't send visions in order for us to change the outcome. Look at what happened with Tahl. The harder I strove to prevent her death, the more I drove events toward that fate."

I didn't know what to say to that. He was right. And anyway, either of us could die at any time. I spent a moment getting dressed, thinking hard. "I don't want to lose you," I told him at last. "Promise me you'll be careful."

He cupped my cheek in his hand. "I'll do what I must, love."

He kissed me, a gentle kiss this time, and I let him fold me into his arms. _That's what I'm afraid of,_ I thought.

END