SPOILERS: TPM and the trilogy mostly. One maybe, for the new
book, Vector Prime.
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: SWA-L and M/A. Anywhere else, ask me
RATING: PG
PAIRING: QG/OW
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan Kenobi has trouble dealing with his past.
DISCLAIMER: Lucasfilm owns these people. And the Force.
Feedback? PULEEZE
Author's note: (Bowing my head humbly to all of those who gave
me feedback) Thank you! It's good to be back on the fanfic
scene :) Spoilers for Vector Prime within, but they are
alterations of Salvatore's scenes, so you really don't need to
read the book. The story title is a song by Santana and
Everlast.
Anybody want to play in my sandbox? There's a lot of potential
for expansion here. But right now my ideas are thin. I'm
leaving it open here. Anybody who would like to is welcome to
write a story or give me an idea that expands on these two
stories. All I ask is you don't change the original stories.
Political intrigue doesn't change that much, no matter the
date. Watching the newly-appointed Chief of State bluster his
way through a meeting with my former student, though, tends to
make me wonder if Bothans offer training classes in it.
"A council would offer structure to the Jedi. It would also
give the New Republic group an expert group to confer with, if
and when needed." Luke Skywalker's stern expression is similar
to that I've seen on Yoda's face when he used to try to get
Qui-Gon to accept a Council decision that he didn't agree with.
Luke invited Qui-Gon and I along as advisors to this meeting.
Beforehand, Qui-Gon and I cautioned him on the limits of a
council, but Luke said that things are getting out of control.
The Jedi are getting into political entanglements and making
things worse for people, not better.
"A council would just give credibility to these vigilantes! It
wouldn't stop them! Did the Jedi Council even try to stop your
father?! It's obvious that Jedi are trained to be reckless."
Borsk Fei'lya's fur stands on end at the conclusion of his
statement.
The pain at the memory of my mistake flares within me. I failed
everyone when I tried to train Ani. I shield my distress from
Qui-Gon automatically. He doesn't need to know the reason the
Republic had to start over. It would just hurt him to know how
badly I failed, how I failed to keep my promise to him at his
death.
Luke looks back at the New Republic leader passively. "I
trained my students to be aware of the galaxy around them and
in tools they would need to help. What they need now is
guidance. That is what I seek to provide with a council."
Fei'lya makes a disgusted snort. "The Jedi are what caused the
Old Republic's downfall."
At this, I speak up. "No, Chief of State Fei'lya. The Old
Republic was falling apart because the government was unable to
act. Too much power was centralized and action was slow. The
Jedi are part of the reason it survived as long as it did. They
leant strength to an overburdened government."
"But Vader--"
"Is gone, Chief of State. I have learned from my father's
mistake."
The rest of their conversation becomes muted as I am swamped
with memories. Of Ani yelling, screaming at me. Asking me why I
didn't teach him to use real power, when the galaxy is falling
apart around us.
I thought I had dealt with the pain, the anguish of helping
cause such a catastrophe in the galaxy as the one that happened
when we lost Luke's father to Palpatine.
I thought wrong.
After leaving the meeting and telling my lover I need some
fresh air, I walk through the Mon Calamari ship and pass by
some of the staff. I recognize Corran Horn and move to approach
him. But as I do I hear what he's saying to another pilot.
"By Vader's black heart, Myn, that's crazy!" I see Corran look
toward me and wave me over, but I can only concentrate on one
thing.
My student's name name is a curse! I feel branded by the past.
I can't escape the grief I've caused.
I start to run away, towards the main hanger. As I pass, all I
hear is an echo of one name. "Vader."
My physical reformation as a twenty-something young man must be
affecting my mind. It was not like the older me to hide from my
fears, but I do so now. I do my best to shield myself as I see
my former master and former student come into the hanger from
my hiding place. I am crouched in the shadows on one of the
maintenance walkways above their heads in the X-wing section of
the hanger.
And I listen to Luke tell Qui-Gon what I cannot.
I can see Qui-Gon stop in front of Luke's X-wing as Luke helps
his astromech down from it's place on the ship.
"That is a Nubian astromech, one of those used on the royal
ship."
Luke looks at him, startled. "I don't know where he came from.
I bought him from some jawas on Tatooine. What makes you say
he's Nubian?"
"The markings on his arm, here." Qui-Gon points to the droid's
right appendage.
"I wouldn't know."
"A droid with that same number came with us when we retrieved
an Anakin Skywalker from Tatooine."
Luke looks startled as the droid lets out a mournful whine.
I've known since Luke and I left for Alderaan that the
astromech and his protocol companion were originally Ani's
droids. The astromech was with me when Ani fell down the lava
pit. Damn, I thought I told Panaka to wipe the droids'
memories!
Luke looks at R2 quizzically as he replies to Qui-Gon. "Anakin
was my father."
Qui-Gon nods. "If I may inquire, what mistake did your father
make that the Chief of State was so concerned about?"
"He turned to the Dark Side and teamed up with Senator
Palpatine to destroy the Old Republic and create the Empire. I
ended up fighting my father in an effort to free the galaxy."
"Palpatine was the Sith?" Qui-Gon leans against the X-wing for
support as he absorbs this information. "Why couldn't I see
that?"
Luke looks up at him, confused. "I don't understand."
Qui-Gon sighs, as if he were responsible for the creation of
the Empire. "Obi-Wan and I were dealing with the Trade
Federation's attempted takeover of Naboo when we met your
father. There were two Sith involved. I died at the hands of
the apprentice. I never found out who the master was. Palpatine
was around the Queen much of the time, helping her make
decisions. And yet I could not see the evil in him."
Luke shrugs. "Looking back, I doubt there were many people who
knew he had any kind of Force training, let alone was that
powerful. Even among his own people."
"With Ani as his new apprentice, he probably didn't need to.
Ani's powers alone were probably enough to instill great fear
in people." Tears come to my eyes as guilt transforms his face.
"Palpatine must have been able to detect Ani's abilities from
the beginning. And I led the boy right to him."
Luke looks up at my hiding place. I try to shrink back into the
shadows further. "Really? Ben always blamed his lack of skill
in teaching Father for his turn to the dark side."
Qui-Gon snorts. "I can't imagine Obi-Wan being a bad teacher.
He was an excellent padawan."
"Ben told me he was overconfident in his abilities--"
I can't listen to any more of this. I don't want to see the
look in my master's eyes as he finds out how I failed him,
failed the galaxy. I run across the walkway, away from the
pair.
I need to escape. I need to head for the emptiness of space.
I run toward the part of the hanger that contains what looks
like captured Imperial ships. Choosing one at random, I climb
down and run toward it. It looks like a ship made from spares
parts. A Tie-fighter's eyeball attached to the wing frame of an
old Y-wing. But beggars can't be choosers. I just need to GO!
I enter the cockpit and start up the engine. I can hear Qui-Gon
trying to get my attention through our bond, but unlike after
he died, this time my shielding is deliberate. I can't stand to
hear him berate me for my failure.
Instead I manuever the ship out of the hanger and into the
blackness of space. As I leave, my perusal of the controls
indicates that this ship lacks a hyperdrive. Oh, well. I won't
get very far.
I set my direction toward the space anomaly that greets my
sight once I clear the Mon Calamari ship. A bright purple blob.
Maybe I can find something to distract me there.
But before I get too far, two X-wings pull up beside me. A
light flashes on the ship's comlink, so I open the channel.
"General Kenobi, this is Corran Horn. I must request that you
bring that ship back to Home One. It is part of an intelligence
mission and has been fitted with a powerful explosive device.
If you get near that energy cluster, the device will detonate."
I listen to the Jedi's impassioned plea, but I don't respond or
bother to change course. The Force must be guiding me. It was
probably was some sort of cosmic mistake for me to be alive
again after all I've done to destroy this universe. The Force
is guiding me back into itself. . .
//What in Sithhell do you think you are doing, Kenobi?!// A
voice enters my head, but it isn't that of my lover. It's the
voice I had heard through a strong training bond, when I was
the master.
//Ani?//
//Force, Ben. You get a new chance at life and you want to
commit suicide again! What is with you?//
//But--But I failed you, I failed Qui-Gon.// Tears blind me as
I try to keep the ship on course for the energy cluster.
My padawan's mental voice is tinged with exasperation. //Didn't
it ever occur to you that I failed you? That I was the one who
made the choice to join Palpatine? You didn't push me into his
arms, Ben!//
//But, but Qui--//
//Open that damned soulbond of yours and listen to him! I think
you'll be surprised. In fact, considering what you're trying to
do, I know you will.//
I sigh and do as Ani says. I lower the shield that is blocking
Qui-Gon's mind from mine.
I sob as I'm instantly wrapped in comfort. Qui-Gon's mental
voice replaces Ani's in my head. //I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan. I'm
so sorry I wasn't there to help you when you lost Ani. It still
hurts you terribly, doesn't it?//
//Y-yes.// I sigh as Qui-Gon clutches me in a mental embrace
and some of the pain eases.
Then I come back to the here and now as a real voice blares
into my ears. "General Kenobi!"
I open my eyes to see the purple blob almost surrounding me. I
pull the ship into a tight turn but I can't quite escape the
gravity of the cluster.
But then I feel the Force surround me and the ship. It pulls me
free of the gravity and sets me on a course back to the Mon
Calamari ship. And I hear Ani's voice once again.
//I'll declare myself Palpatine's son before I let you fall on
my lightsaber twice. Especially considering all that you've
done for my son. Go home, my master.// With a ghostly pat on my
shoulder, Ani's presence drifts away.
Corran and his wing partner flank me back to the ship.
As we park the ships in the hanger, Luke and Qui-Gon hurry
toward my ship. I pop open the cockpit and gaze down at my
lover from the top of the Tie eyeball.
Qui-Gon's face is stern as he looks back at me. "Do you doubt
my love for you, Obi-Wan?"
I shake my head. "No, Qui-Gon." As I say this, I feel the Force
surround me and levitate me to the ground next to my master.
"Then how can you believe I'd leave you over something that
wasn't even your responsibility?"
"I should have---"
Qui-Gon shakes my shoulders. "Obi-Wan! Whatever mistakes you
may have made in Ani's training, his turning was ultimately his
choice. Do you forget that I've been in this situation myself?"
Sithhell! I did forget. Xanatos.
Qui-Gon's arms surround me as my body begins to shake from all
the emotions swirling in my mind. "You helped me put my
feelings concerning Xanatos to rest, my love. Just by being
there and loving me as he could not. I could sense that you
cared for me greatly even as a child. That love eased my pain.
Let me help you, Obi-Wan. Let me be here for you now, as I
could not be when it happened. Let me help you through the
pain."
I nod into my lover's chest then turn my tear-stained face to
look around us. And I see a sight that begins to break through
the wall of pain that has been my companion for so many years.
Luke stands a few meters away from us, watching, probably
making sure nobody disturbs us. Behind him is an image shrouded
in a blue aura. A tall man with long blond hair. Ani. He's
holding his son's shoulder's lightly. And as I watch, Luke
shifts his head to look at his father and smile.
As I watch them, Ani smiles back then fades away. I think as
Qui-Gon tightens his embrace surrounding me that the original
Jedi forgot a code when they wrote them down.
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