SPOILERS: TPM, and the following Star Wars books: I, Jedi,
Specter of the past, and Starfighters of Adumar (Note: You
don't need to know the books to enjoy this story.)
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: SWA-L and M/A. Anywhere else, ask me
RATING: NC-17
PAIRING: QG/OW
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan Kenobi starts a new life.
DISCLAIMER: Lucasfilm owns these people. And the Force. It may
also own the authors of the above books, I'm not sure.
Feedback? PULEEZE
I look around me, wondering but barely seeing anything, as a
thought fades. I was one with the Force, but I wasn't
happy.
The thought startles me, but no more than the sight of my hands
as I look down at them. They're very young, very
strong-looking. They should be older, withered. I don't know
how I arrived at that conclusion, but I know it to be true
somehow.
But the zooming of the traffic way above my head distracts me
from my musings about myself. The confusion of my thoughts
settle as I realize I'm on Coruscant. The bustling city-planet
that was the home of my youth. Until Q--
I can't even think his name. The pain of his loss hits me as if
it happened only yesterday. But by just looking around the city
block where I stand, rebuilt in a style unfamiliar to me, I can
see it's been much longer than a day since the death of the man
who meant everything to me.
"Hey! Sir?" My braid tickles my neck as I turn my head toward
the voice. Oh, how I missed it's comforting weight. The
protection and the connection with my master that it afforded
me when I was a padawan still echo in my mind.
But I turn my thoughts to the two dark-haired men approaching
me. The smaller man's aura echoes with the power of the Force.
A Jedi. A whisper of a probe comes from him through the Force,
trying to figure out who and what I am.
"Corran, I thought you said you felt General Kenobi calling
you. All I see is that young man." I recognize the taller man
as he speaks. Wedge Antilles. But he's much older than the last
time I saw him, when I was helping the Rebel Alliance. Older
than he was when I died. . .
His whisper wasn't meant for my ears, but the buildings around
us caused his voice to echo. I see the other man look at me
knowingly as the significance of my situation starts to sink
into me. I'm alive again. No longer one with the Force. On
post-Empire Coruscant. And my body seems to be less than half
the age it was when I died. Oh Force!
I start to shake from the memories of the past that suddenly
assault me, trying to reconcile them with the realizations of
my present. Then a hand reaches my shoulder, and I startle.
I raise my head, only becoming aware now that I dropped it in
my musings. The Jedi stares into my eyes, and sends waves of
comfort through the Force as I try to find some composure.
"Obi-Wan? General Kenobi?"
As I nod my head, I see Antilles, who is standing at the Jedi's
side, back away slightly in shock. "That isn't possible--"
The Jedi calmly addresses his friend. "Wedge, I heard him
calling me last night in my sleep. He said that the Force would
allow him to take physical form so he can find what he is
missing." He looks toward me. "Let me take you to Luke, sir.
Maybe he can help you find whatever it is."
"No." My voice comes out in a whisper. I don't think my former
charge can't help me here. I lost something. The pang of that
unknown loss hit me as Corran said the words. Whatever this
loss is, the man in front of me knows how to help me find it.
The Force whispers this to me as I speak my next words. "Have
you ever lost anything?"
Corran whispers to Antilles then guides me to a bench. As the
three of us sit, Corran answers me with a pained look on his
face. "I lost my wife many years ago. She was captured by a
Force-sensitive band of warriors. Luckily, I had the sense to
go with Luke to train as a Jedi and with his help, I was able
to get Mirax back." He smiles as I feel the warmth of the love
for his wife run through the Force. "When I found her, it was
like getting the other half of me back. I felt complete from
the minute she woke from her trance in my arms."
The expression on his face changes to one of contemplation as
he studies me. "That feeling is probably why I wasn't that
startled last night when you came to me. You told me that your
mission to help Luke rebuild the Jedi was complete, and now you
are seeking your own rest. But you can't do that because you're
incomplete."
My face falls into my hands at his words. Incomplete. I know
now what I was seeking last night when I called to this man.
I've been incomplete since the end of that mission on Naboo.
Since I lost half of my soul. "I lost my love a long time ago,
when Luke's father was just a child and I was no older than the
form you see in front of you. I never told him how I felt. It
would have been inappropriate, given the first relationship we
had. But before our relationship could change, he was gone."
Antilles looks at me empathetically. "I know how that feels. I
was sure I was going to lose Iella before she acknowledged the
feelings between us. At one point, I thought I did lose her. It
was devastating to me."
I get up from the bench and smooth my soft brown cloak
agitatedly. "But if I'm supposed to find my love, why am I
here? He's been one with the Force longer than I have!"
"I'm not sure. But I don't think the Force would lead you
astray. If you're here, this must be where you need to be."
Corran smiles at me reassuringly as a large man comes running
toward us. His features look vaguely familiar to me.
"Wedge, Corran! Luke's asking for you. He found something odd
under the Imperial Palace. He wants you there right away."
Corran reaches for the lightsaber cleverly disguised as a
hydrospanner on his belt. "Does he want us to bring more
support?"
"No. He said it had to do with the Jedi. And it isn't evil. He
wouldn't tell me any more than that."
Antilles nods as he looks at the chrono on his wrist. "Thanks
Gavin. You better hurry up. You'll miss your transport home. I
know for a fact Huff doesn't like to be kept waiting."
"Yeah. Oh, by the way, Luke asked me if you knew where old Ben
Kenobi's lightsaber was? You know, the one we found in the
Imperial museum?"
Instinctively, I reach toward my left hip and feel a bulge
there. Corran smiles at me knowingly. "It's in safe keeping for
now, Gavin."
Gavin shrugs as he walk away, mystified.
"Luke's probably down in the Jedi wax museum under the Palace.
We better head over there."
I look at Corran, shocked, as we start walking down the street.
The wax museum used to be the bottom level of the Jedi Temple.
"Palpatine made the Jedi Temple into his palace?"
"No, he tore the temple down. Except for the wax museum, which
is underground. You're in for a shock if you never saw this
thing before."
As we turn the corner, tears flood my eyes. Instead of my
beautiful temple, there is an ugly black monolith in the middle
of the Senatorial sector of the vast city. The gardens planted
around it do little to tame it's painful blackness.
Corran lays his hand on my arm for a minute, giving me a little
support as I relive the pain of my past, then guides me to a
small door at the base of the structure.
Antilles lights a glowrod as the darkness tries to engulf us.
We walk down a set of stairs, and find my student, Luke
Skywalker, kneeling on the floor near the staircase.
"Corran. Come look at this. I was down here, showing Jaina,
Jacen, and Anakin the statues down here, when I felt a--flash
in the Force. Then this man fell to the floor here. The statue
that was here disappeared the instant he fell."
As Luke spoke, I gazed at the man in front of him, whose
features were highlighted by the glowrod Luke had laid on the
floor. Tears threatened once again as the shadowed face of my
master pulled at my heart.
Corran walks around me for a closer look. "I remember this
man's face. He looks just like one of the statues I saw when I
came down here after they repaired the museum."
I must be stumbling as I take my first step toward them,
because Luke senses my distress and creates a Force wall that
keeps me from falling. He then changes that wall into a hand
that guides me to my knees next to him.
Through the tears that have come forth despite my best efforts,
I watch Luke gasp in shock at the young man in front of him,
the young man he never knew me as. But I still retain the
memories and abilities of the old man, which he recognizes
through the Force. "Ben?"
I can do no more than nod as Corran explains the events of last
night, which I do not remember. I tune out their discussion and
instead watch my master's chest rise and fall. I see no wound
in his side, thank the Force. But I want to see those cobalt
eyes staring into mine. Why isn't he awake?
"Is this the one, Ben?" I focus back on Luke, who is looking
very concerned. I nod, still unable to speak due to the
confusing emotions flooding me, love, worry, pain at a
remembered lost, joy at seeing the man in front of me.
Antilles, who had been hanging back from us, steps forward.
"Who is he?"
After a choked sigh, which helps me swallow the pained
memories, I find my voice. "Qui-Gon Jinn. He was my master and
one of the best negotiators among the Jedi."
"I thought Yoda trained you." Despite the statement, Luke
doesn't look surprised.
"He did, from a certain point of view. He had his hands in the
training of all padawans, as the head of the Temple." Luke
nods, as if he expected an answer like this from me. . .which
he probably did.
Unable to focus on the younger men any longer, I turn back to
my heart and reach out to touch his face. It is warm, unlike
the last time I held it. That day I had clutched my master to
me until the Force had taken every bit of warmth from his body.
But even as he died in my arms, I couldn't confess the feelings
locked in my heart.
But I try to now. "Master. . ."
Not even a flinch mars his even breathing. Corran catches me as
I fall forward, despairingly. What am I to do?! How do I make
this man come alive?
"Ben, his spirit seems to be blocked by something. Something,
or someone is restraining him, not allowing his spirit to enter
his body." Luke's eyes are closed in concentration as he
reaches for the Force.
I shiver as I wonder if Palpatine still, even in death, has the
ability to take from me. "Oh, Force!" My voices strains with
terrible thoughts.
"I don't sense any darkness, Ben." Luke opens his eyes and sees
the anguish on my face. Then he stares off in a corner as he
speaks. "We all block people out of our lives, out of our
minds. I know I kept Mara at arm's length because I was afraid
of her getting hurt because of me. But we're soulmates. When
she finally knocked some sense into me, and got me to stop
trying to fight our connection, we bonded. She has filled more
empty spots in my soul than I knew I had."
He sighs, then looks at me with the wisdom I always hoped he'd
gain. "Stop blocking him, Ben. You're the only connection he
has to the physical world, so you are the only one who could be
creating that barrier. He'll never know of your love for him if
you keep shielding it like that."
With that, he gathers his two friends and leaves me still
kneeling on the floor next to my master.
I know Luke was right in his assessment. I have hid my love for
Qui-Gon because I was his padawan and I didn't think he
returned my feelings. I probably even did so in death because
it was such a habit to hide that part of me from the outside
universe. But how do I break that habit now and let him see my
heart when his spirit can't wake his body and allow me to speak
the words?
Then I remember Luke spoke of bonds. I was already bonded with
Qui-Gon in a limited way. But I swore the training bond broke
as I held his dying form in my arms so many years ago. But
sensing that is a path that needs to be followed, I close my
eyes and examine that part of my mind where the bond had been
housed.
There, I found the most amazing sight. A shield, rather than a
torn end of a bond. A shield of my own making, one I don't
remember ever constructing. As I touch it, it whispers of the
pain of losing to death, of the necessity of leaving something
behind to be able to move on.
Qui-Gon is behind that shield. My heart knows this. I had
blocked my beloved out of my mind all these years. Somehow, I
failed to recognize that he wanted to be with me, even after
death. That's the only explanation for this barrier. But how
does he want to be with me? Am I only his student? Or does he
want what I want? To be together, soul to soul, for all
eternity?
There's only one way to find out. I start tearing at the
shield, trying to dissipate the echoes of pain and suffering
that engulfed me at Qui-Gon's death. And little by little, the
shield starts to crack. A force from the other side of the
shield then starts pushing on it, forcing the cracks to widen
and pieces begin to fall.
As the shield crumbles, my mind is suddenly engulfed in a
blanketing warmth. And then I notice, so is my body.
I open my eyes and stare into cobalt blue. "Master?" I want to
say more, but I can't speak as my lips become locked together
with his. But my heart cries out to his in joy nonetheless,
silently. And amazingly enough, I hear an answering echo in my
mind.
//Obi-Wan. I have missed you, my love.//
All my questions have just been answered. His love and joy
surround me as he holds me close.
Telepathy had never been possible through our training bond,
but now I can sense the tie between us becoming tenfold what it
once was as our souls reach for each other. I cry mentally as I
realize how much I missed because of my ignorance, both of his
feelings toward me and the abilities of the Force, even in
death. I curse myself a thousand times for not even noticing
the shield that blocked me from the other half of my soul.
The arms around me tighten in reaction to my thoughts. //Stop
it, love. The past doesn't matter. Didn't I always tell you to
live in the moment?//
And what a moment it is. Even in the gloom of the old Jedi
museum, I can feel the warmth and light of our renewed bond
growing, encompassing me, just as his body has encompassed mine
in its warmth.
After a few minutes, Qui-Gon's voice reaches my ears. "Where
are we, my heart? This dusty floor isn't the best place for our
reunion." I raise my head to see Qui-Gon looking into the gloom
at the wax statues placed about.
"The Jedi museum. The one that used to be at the bottom of the
temple. Now it's at the bottom of a monolith of evil." He runs
a soothing hand down my arm as I shudder in remembrance of all
the evil, thank the Force, my master missed.
He gets up suddenly, pulling me with him. "Come, love, let me
see if Master Kresh's rooms are still here. Maybe we can find
something better than a cold floor."
I look at the mischevious glint in his eyes as we walk to the
far wall. Usually that spark occurred right before we rescued
pathetic lifeforms or defied the Council. But now, there is
only one thing that light could mean. We are luminous beings,
but we are housed in flesh. And the joys of the flesh can
enhance the joys of the spirit. How I want, need that joy!
"Ah hah! The rooms are still in somewhat livable shape."
Qui-Gon opens a hidden door to a living room, dusty with age
but intact. He pulls be toward a door to one side of the big
room and opens it to reveal a large bed covered with dusty
blankets.
Qui-gon yanks the blankets off and takes off his cloak,
spreading it on the mattress. He then takes my hand.
//Come Obi-Wan. Let's make the old young again.// He's not
talking about the room or the museum, but my soul, which had
become old after his death from pain and loneliness.
I let him guide me to lie down on his cloak. Then he is over
me, kissing me, touching my face, my neck. Learning the shape
of me. I match him, kiss for kiss, touch for touch almost
frantically, afraid he'll disappear.
//Shh, love. I'm not going anywhere. We've been given a second
chance at life, and I intend to take full advantage of it.// He
moves away slightly to pull my tunic and leggings off me, then
my underwear. We both take in the sight of my naked body,
younger than it should be.
I turn my gaze to his. //Why do you suppose I came back in this
form, Qui-Gon? I was much older than this when I died.//
//Possibly because this is the form I know best, the form I
identify you with. Although I would be glad to be with you in
any form you chose, you must admit this choice has it's
advantages.// His gaze rakes down to my erection, which pulses
at his attention.
//Oh, yes.// I watch Qui-Gon remove his clothing hazily. The
double impact of my arousal and his in my mind leaves me unable
to think. Until his body touches mine, and all I can think of
is being one with this man.
Because of the bond, Qui-Gon can read me easily and decides my
need to be one with him outweighs time for exploration of the
gifts we've been given. So without preamble and with a touch of
the Force, he raises my legs to his shoulders and enters me.
And we are one. In mind, body, and soul. We strive together for
the most pleasure in our joining, to touch the right places, to
share our love with each other completely. It's not long before
our orgasms rip through us and Qui-Gon collapses on my chest.
Right where I want him to be.
We make love a few more times in the passing hours, but we
finally collapse into sleep, exhausted from our exertions and
discoveries. That's how Luke and Corran find us.
I am awoken gently by a touch of the Force. "Ben, why don't you
and Qui-Gon come up into the Palace? I promise you, there are
much cleaner quarters up there for you both."
I tuck my cloak, which we had been using as a blanket, around
us better as I raise my head to answer Luke. "And what else is
there for us in that tower above? Is there a place for two old
men to have a second chance in this new galaxy?"
"There are Jedi to be trained and negotiations to be ironed out
between the Empire and New Republic. I'm sure we can find a
place for you. And I've heard you're a great pilot. You could
always join me in Rogue Squadron." Corran grins at me.
I laugh. "Sorry, Qui-Gon never learned to fly anything more
complicated than a landspeeder, and I don't intend to be
separated from him ever again."
Qui-Gon clutches me tighter with a chuckle. "But we'd be happy
to help you train your students, Luke. It'll be nice living out
our second chance helping the galaxy and the Jedi achieve their
own."
Luke nods his approval as the younger Jedi back away from the
door and leave us to get dressed. We do so, then join hands as
we open the door at the top of the stairs in the museum room.
And step out into the sunlight of the new galaxy together.
Ok, anyone want to see this continue? I probably could do more
if you want.
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