Master Apprentice Archive HST 01: Oral Stimulation Level One Quick search:

Feedback: Of course. Always welcome, good, bad, or indifferent.

Archive: M&A, SWC, all others just ask - homesite: http://www.slasharchive.com/chelle/

Series: Humanoid Sexual Techniques, HST for short

Sequel: This isn't truly a sequel to the Padawan's Penis, but some of it will make more sense if you've read that story

Rating: This one is PG, but the whole series will be NC 17

Category: Humor

Disclaimer: The cute one's are George's; the rest mine. I can only hope for his forgiveness.

Summary: Obi Wan teaches Humanoid Sexual Techniques.

Warnings: No spew warnings with this one. It lacks the laugh out loud silliness of its predecessor, though it may get there eventually. Probably when the aids show up. Author's Notes: This wasn't my bunny. Emu, Wolfe, and Mac found it (birthed it, brought it forth from the void). They should've used green jello on it, but they didn't and softy that I am I offered the poor thing a home. I could have resisted except Raven sent me this list of the various levels of tongue. The two combined were just more than I could hold out against. My thanks to all four of them, especially Raven who graciously consented to letting me abuse her creation for the purposes of this story.

No beta. Just a spell checker and a tired author in a newspaper hat. (Don't ask.)

Obi-Wan sulked as he walked through the Temple to the dining hall. At first he had been thrilled when the Council had decided not to send him and Master Qui-Gon on any more missions for two months. They hadn't spent more than thirty days on at the Temple in the last year. They were both worn out. A stay on Coruscant, even with classes to teach, had seemed like a dream. That dream had become a nightmare.

Entering the dining hall he caught sight of Bant sitting with a group of padawans. She waved to him. He returned the gesture then went to get food.

A few minutes later he was sliding onto the bench beside her.

"What's wrong with you Kenobi?" she asked. "I haven't seen you look like that since Yoda asked if the motor still worked."

Obi-Wan turned a deep shade of scarlet. "What was that about anyway? You never did tell me."

"I, ummm, it's...well, it's a private joke."

"A private joke with Master Yoda?"

He nodded, stuffing his mouth with a forkful of food.

"So what happened today? Yoda tell you another joke?"

"No, Master J'lath drafted me to teach the Advanced Diplomatic Etiquette class."

The statement caught the attention of the padawan seated across from them, "You mean how to avoid pompous, pawing politicians?"

He nodded glumly.

"Well few of us could match your experience in that department," Ragen, the young man to his right, said. "Remember that ambassador from K'gouth. The one with six sets of genitals, each located at the end of a tentacle?" He grinned at Obi-Wan. "It really liked you Kenobi."

The padawan across from him added, "And the reception for the new Senator from Alderaan. How many paws did you fend off during that one?"

Bant looked at Obi thoughtfully. "You know Obi sometimes I think that is one of the reasons the Council likes to keep you and Master Jinn in the field. It isn't because of your Master's skill. It is too keep that legendary Kenobi beauty from disrupting diplomatic receptions."

"Very funny," he replied tersely. "And it was only ten paws. Well, twenty-five if you count them individually, but only ten people, uhh, individuals."

"Yeah, and all of them practically chasing you around the buffet table."

The others laughed, but Obi-Wan stared at his plate, glumly toying with his food.

"All right, Obi, I'll bite. How bad was the class?" Bant asked.

"It actually wasn't that bad. In fact, Master J'lath thought I did so well that he wants me to teach Humanoid Sexual Techniques."

The entire table burst into laughter.

Finally, Bant calmed down enough to ask, "Which section?"

"All of them."

This caused a renewed round of hysterics.

Obi-Wan merely stared at his food, radiating misery.

"Perhaps you can get your Master to help you," someone suggested.

"Oh yeah, Master Jinn could teach astronavigational computing and I'd pay attention. Just imagine him teaching Sex 101."

"That voice."

"Those eyes."

"Those hands," several of his peers chorused at the same time.

"By the way, Obi-Wan," Ragen leaned forward and asked in a stage whisper, "is it true what they say about your Master's, you know, penis?"

"How would I know?"

"Come on Kenobi, we know what missions are like. Cramped freighters, shared rooms..."

"Shared beds," someone else added.

"Shared beds," Ragen continued. "You must've noticed."

Obi-Wan flushed. He had noticed. Noticed all of the time. And Ragen had a point, he could not plausibly deny knowing the answer to the question. "Master Jinn is a large man," he said carefully, flushed when he realized what he had said. "I mean a tall man. And well, such things are proportional," he finished lamely, reaching for his glass and gulping down the contents.

The others laughed again, more at his obvious discomfort than at the answer.

Obi-Wan was grateful when lunch ended and it took all of his Jedi control to keep from running to the quarters he shared with his Master.

He threw himself across his bed, indulging in a few moments of self-pity before hauling out the syllabus Master J'lath had given him and trying to prepare for tomorrow's class.

He was standing in front of a chalkboard. He had always been mystified by the presence of such antiquated equipment in the middle of the technological marvel that was Coruscant. Sometimes he thought the Jedi used such devices in order to add to their mystique.

He leaned against the podium, trying to find his center. He could do this.

The students filed in and took their seats. There were twenty-one, all humanoid, eleven females and ten males. He studied them closely. They were the same students that had taken the diplomacy class. All padawans in the midst of adolescence.

"Welcome," he began. "This is the Humanoid Sexual Techniques Class. I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, as I think you will all recall from yesterday. Today's class will be Oral Stimulation Level One. Are there any questions before we begin?"

A raised hand. He acknowledged it with a nod. "Should we take notes?"

"Only if you want to."

Another hand. "Will there be an exam?"

"No."

"At least not in class," one of the other student's called out. Laughter. Obi-Wan fought back his own grin.

When the noise subsided he acknowledged another student. "Will there be any labs?"

"No. Any practicing you do will be entirely on your own." Laughter. Obi-Wan flushed slightly.

"I mean entirely outside of class." Before he could lose any more control, he stepped behind the podium and looked at his notes.

"Oral Stimulation Level One is about the practice commonly referred to as kissing. Kissing involves the pressing of two mouths together. It is a common precursor of other forms of sexual activity, although in many cultures kisses are frequently exchanged between friends and relatives."

"For the sake of convenience we will divide kissing into two categories: that which involves tongue and that which does not." He approached the blackboard and began writing. "Now non-tongue kisses can be divided into four levels:

1. Chaste kiss. This is usually a quick brush of the lips. It can occur between friends and relatives as well as between lovers.

2. Question kiss. This involves more pressure than the chaste kiss and is used to determine the interest level of the other party.

3. Caress kiss. Using one's lips to caress the lips of one's partner. Usually leads to other forms of kissing.

4. Sucking kiss. Involves sucking one of your partner's lips.

A hand in the air. "People actually enjoy that? The sucking thing."

Obi-Wan swallowed hard. "Yes." Or so I am told, he thought to himself.

"Do you?"

"Well, uhh, this class isn't about my preferences."

"Does Master Jinn like it?"

Obi-Wan stared at the questioner. "How would I know? It isn't exactly the sort of thing one asks one's Master." He shook his head. "I can just imagine his response. 'Master Qui-Gon, I was wondering do you enjoy having someone suck on one of your lips and if so which one do you prefer?'"

The class burst into laughter.

"The lower one, my Padawan."

Obi-Wan spun to see his Master standing in the doorway. "I heard you were teaching another class and thought I would sit in. J'lath is raving about how well you handled Advanced Diplomatic Etiquette."

"Of course, Master. Whatever you wish." Obi-Wan hoped that it was not apparent to everyone in the room that he wanted nothing more than to crawl into a corner and die.

Smiling, Qui-Gon moved to one of the empty desks, squeezing his large frame into the small chair. "Please continue, Obi-Wan."

Trying desperately to keep his mortification from his face. Obi-Wan resumed speaking.

"There are seven levels of kissing with tongue. The first is tentative tongue. It's, well, tentative." He struggled to keep from turning scarlet as he felt Qui-Gon's eyes upon him. "It's used to find out if the other person is agreeable to the introduction of tongue into the, uhh, proceedings."

Taking a deep breath, he continued. "Level two is quick tongue. It is, well, quick. Enough tongue to convey your interest, but not, ahh, really involved at this point."

"Once the interest of both parties is established, the kiss moves on to," he glanced at his notes, flushed slightly, "love tongue. Love tongue is soft, warm and loving. Hence the name."

He focused on writing. "Next is lust tongue. It is described as hot and powerful." He looked again at his notes. "Apparently it causes the toes to curl."

The class burst into laughter and Qui-Gon joined them.

*Master, you're not helping.*

*Sorry. But, toes curling.*

*It is what the notes say,* he replied indignantly.

*Does it make your toes curl?*

*That's an awfully personal question, Master.*

*Quite right, Padawan. Of course so is which lip do you prefer to have sucked?*

"I was trying to make a point." Obi-Wan realized that he had spoken aloud. And that the laughter had stopped. The class was now clearly aware he was having a discussion with his master, watching them both intently.

Obviously holding back laughter, Qui-Gon said, "So you were. I am sorry for the disruption. Please continue."

"Thank you, Master," he said curtly. "The last kiss in the progression is Now tongue. I think its meaning is fairly obvious."

He took another deep breath. He was almost done. "There are two categories outside of this progression. Spectator tongue one, this one is for when you are being watched and wish you were not. Spectator tongue two is done by those who want to be watched."

A raised hand. Inwardly, Obi-Wan groaned. "Why would you want to be watched?"

"Apparently some people enjoy it."

'Instructor Kenobi."

"Yes."

"You've given us categories, but no actual techniques."

Qui-Gon's amusement flowed across their bond. Obi-Wan shot him a deadly look. Qui-Gon only became more amused.

"The actual techniques really can't be described, you'll just have to practice them."

"But the categories aren't much use without some description of the techniques."

He fought the urge to sigh. They were right of course, but his own experience with kissing was rather limited.

"Well when kissing with tongue you slide your tongue into the other person's mouth. Then you move it around."

"That doesn't sound like much fun."

He could sense his master's control weakening and shot him another look.

"Well it is."

*You don't sound very convinced Padawan.*

*If you can't help, leave,* Obi-Wan shot back. Qui-Gon just laughed mentally.

"Instructor Kenobi."

"Yes," he responded with resignation.

"Exactly how do you caress someone's lips with yours."

Obi-Wan floundered. He had absolutely no idea how to answer that question.

Qui-Gon rose and moved to the front of the class. "Perhaps a demonstration would help." He nearly laughed aloud at the look on his apprentice's face. *You did tell me to help or leave.*

*Master, we can't kiss the students. They're far too young.*

*I didn't intend to kiss one of the students, Obi-Wan.*

Obi-Wan's eyes widened as his master took his chin in one of his hands. "You did cover chaste kiss, didn't you."

Obi-Wan nodded. Qui-Gon leaned over and brushed his lips lightly across Obi-Wan's. Then he looked at the class. "That was a chaste kiss. This is a tentative kiss." He leaned forward and kissed Obi-Wan again, longer this time, with more pressure.

"A caress kiss." He tilted his head slightly further this time, used his lips to tug lightly on those of his apprentice.

"Sucking." He captured Obi-Wan's lower lip between both of his and sucked lightly.

"Now for tongue." Obi-Wan was staring at him in shock. This time he slipped his tongue just inside Obi-Wan's mouth and lightly stroked his padawan's tongue.

"That was tentative tongue. Just a brief touch of tongue to see if your interest is returned. Quick tongue is used to convey the level of your own interest. It is slightly deeper." He penetrated a little further into his Padawan's mouth this time.

"Love tongue." He dropped his hand from Obi-Wan's chin and put his arms around him, pulling him close. Then he kissed him. Seriously kissed him.

The bell rang and Obi-Wan couldn't decide if he was relieved or disappointed. Qui-Gon released him and he turned to his students. "Dismissed. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Will Master Qui-Gon be here?"

"I haven't decided yet," Obi-Wan replied.

Qui-Gon laughed.

The students began to file out and Obi-Wan moved to the podium and gathered up his notes. "I must see Master J'lath about tomorrow's class."

"Certainly, Padawan. I'll see you this evening, back in our quarters."

*Too bad we never got to lust tongue. I wonder if your toes will curl.*

Will, Obi-Wan thought, will? Did that mean his master intended to continue this demonstration without an audience?

He joined Bant at what was quickly becoming their customary lunch table.

She grinned at him. "How was class Kenobi?"

He groaned. "You heard."

"Every Padawan in the Temple heard."

"It's official," Ragen added, "you are now considered the luckiest Padawan ever."

Soft laughter. "That's right," another of his luncheon companions added, "first you get him as your Master and then you get him to kiss you." He shook his head. "I care for my master, but the thought of kissing it..."

Bant chuckled. "It kinda helps if you're the same species, right Kenobi?"

"It wasn't my idea. I don't even know how he found out I was teaching."

"Masters have ways of learning these things. It is why they're called Masters."

Obi-Wan sighed. "I'm just hoping he doesn't decide to come to tomorrow's class."

"Touching?"

Obi-Wan nodded.

"I remember that one. Lots of props."

"I know. Master J'lath just gave me a box of them. Do you think if I asked Master Yoda would find a mission for us?"

"You wish to leave Coruscant so soon Padawan?" came the familiar voice from behind him.

"Yes, Master. I miss the challenge of being on a mission."

"Really. Well I did hear that Hoth has need of a couple of Jedi..."

Hoth, Obi-Wan shuddered at the thought. He abhorred the cold. "Perhaps I can find a challenge here, Master."

"I think you already have, Padawan." Then he winked at Obi-Wan and moved away to join the other masters.

Several of Obi-Wan's companions stared openly at Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan just toyed with his food.

Please, he thought fiercely, please don't let him come to the touch class.