Archive: yes to Master & Apprentice (will appear eventually
on http://adult.dencity.com/insanityoutlet/ but don't hold your
breath)
Category: First-Time
Rating: PG - leaning towards R
Warnings: None - HONEST
Disclaimer: All things Jedi belong to George, but damnit a girl
can dream.
Spoilers: Well if you want to get picky, I do make reference in
passing to events in the first JA story, but it's pretty vague
Summary: A Jedi comes of age
Feedback: always welcome, gleefully encouraged, and
occasionally even responded to.
Notes: Love beyond what I can express with words to Pumpkin for
nursing me through this, and so many other things in my screwed
up life. This is my first Q/O and the first fic of any kind I
have written for months. If you enjoy it, she deserves much of
the credit.
It's not as if he hadn't know it would happen.
Sexual maturity was a reality for almost every sentient
species; his was no exception.
He had known that soon it would be his time. The thoughts had
started a few months ago. Dreams of romance and of passion. The
emotions were confusing, tormenting him in the dark and
haunting him with images of desire towards another that could
never become reality.
He thought he knew what would happen as he physically matured.
He was not a child in the creche; he was a Jedi. But nothing
had prepared him for the physically reality.
Sith take him, but he was so aroused most of the time he was in
pain.
And he had not been prepared for the reality that only one
person was in his thoughts.
He knew that he would have to speak of this to his Master.
There were some things that even a Jedi couldn't face alone.
Much to his disgust, this appeared to be one of them.
If nothing else he now had a new and somewhat sympathetic view
towards the young padawans who always had seemed to be hormones
on legs to his jaded eyes. And now the hormone was on the other
foot, so to speak.
Knowing that meditation was doing nothing save for making his
knees ache, he rose and padded quietly to check on the other
who shared his rooms. He looked longingly on the sleeping man;
ruthlessly suppressing his less than pure thoughts for fear
that he would be unable to control their path through the
training bond they shared.
With a last long, loving look, he went to his own bed. Tomorrow
he would talk to his Master.
Tomorrow, it seemed, had other plans. He stared at the message
on the screen in front of him, unable to believe his eyes.
Hoth? They were being sent to Hoth? Cold, barren,
lets-huddle-together-for- warmth Hoth? By all that was holy,
could the timing have been worse? Master and Padawan had often
shared a bed while on assignment. Lack of space seemed to be
some unwritten rule of Jedi missions.
What was he going to do?
Six days on a shuttle, sharing a cramped cabin, then Sith knew
how long living in a tiny, frigid, hollowed out ice cave
disguised as "guest quarters".
Nothing moved at night on Hoth. There was no nightlife, no
community centres, no theatre, nothing. No, the natives of
Hoth, at least the sentient ones, closed the doors of their
communities, and then they all went to bed in order to conserve
heat. Or, more likely, to generate some.
Small wonder it was a polygamous society.
They would share a room, and they would share a bed, and he
would be unable to hide his physical responses. He had no
doubts whatsoever that his body would betray him. The last time
they had been to Hoth he had been too young to realise that two
men stripping naked and spending a long night wrapped around
each other could in any way be interpreted as an intensely
sexual experience.
So he was a moron.
He had no such illusions now. Just the thought of having those
strong arms wrapped around him...that sensuous body pressed
against his...the silky feel of the hair...
His orgasm took him completely by surprise. He hadn't so much
as glanced in the direction of his groin! Wonderful. Well, if
he'd had any doubts about speaking with his Master
before they left for Hoth, this little demonstration
settled them.
Disgusted with his lack of control, he went to change his
robes, and find his Master.
"Master, I beg of you stop laughing, there is nothing even
remotely amusing about this situation. I cannot go to Hoth in
this condition and share a bed with.... Master you seem to be
having trouble breathing shall I call for a healer?"
This was not going according to plan. He had come to his Master
and had confessed both his physical condition and his, um,
concerns, and both had been greeted, not with compassion, but
with gales of laughter.
Honesty was not always the best policy - he felt utterly
humiliated. His Master seemed completely un-surprised both by
his condition, which told him he was likely broadcasting, and
his confession of love.
"Not that I in any way question the wisdom of the
Council...Master you are going to do yourself an injury....
Master please! My concerns are not unfounded. How am I
expected to share a platonic night in the same bed with someone
who inspires few, if any, platonic thoughts."
Temper tantrums did not become Jedi. Nor did hysterical
laughter become one of the advanced years of his Master.
Yet here the two of them were, one brooding, the other not even
trying to suppress his glee at the situation.
"How can you stand there and tell me that my reactions are
normal? I mean that I understand that the physical is normal,
but the emotions? The wants? The desire? The need? I
feel it with every cell of my being, Master, and it is becoming
impossible to control. Master, kindly stop tittering at me. I
do not find this in the least amusing."
With a sigh, the ageing Jedi Master brought himself under
control and moved over to where his Padawan was sitting on the
floor.
"Open your mind."
Reluctantly, he did as he was told and dropped his shields,
baring his soul for the other to see.
"Control for you, important it is, necessary always, it is
not." Yoda brushed the silver brown hair out of his former
Padawan's eyes.
Qui-Gon looked into the eyes of his Master and sighed. "I am in
love with my Padawan, a situation I find I untenable. I have to
tell Obi-Wan something, my Master, and I am open to
suggestions."
"Truth, my friend. Speak to him the truth."
As a child, Qui-Gon had once visited Dagobah with Yoda. Many
years later he had understood and greatly appreciated the
lessons he had learned while there.
However, during the sixty cycles they had been there he had
despised every microsecond. When he had nightmares of the Dark
Side, he imagined it to be like the dank, murky bogs of Yoda's
home.
He had imagined that those who Turned spent eternity in a swamp
on Dagobah, carrying an effigy of Yoda on their backs.
He was wrong.
The Transport had been everything he'd imagined and more. Two
Jedi and a Wookie made three on a ship built for an Ewok.
Obi-Wan had been unable to contain his odd sense of humour, and
Qui-Gon spent the trip hovering between laughter and tears.
He had spent most of his time pretending to meditate, and
wondering if any of his species had ever actually died as a
result of sexual frustration.
And now they were standing in the quarters set aside for
visiting dignitaries. One room, in the center of which was a
large pool of hot spring fed water, the only source of heat
other than themselves. One large bed, covered with furs.
Obi-Wan commented it looked like something out of a Pleasure
Den on Coruscant. That was an image Qui-Gon could have
lived without.
"Well Master, as we have no where to be for the next few
cycles, I am going to take a bath and relax - care to join me?"
Qui-Gon now knew the Damned went to Hoth.
The training bond was all but gone.
His Master hadn't completely severed it, but it was barely a
whisper of what it had been.
Obi-Wan knew that the bond between them had always been
stronger and somehow truer than that of other master/padawan
pairs. Even before Qui-Gon had accepted him as his Padawan
Learner, he had been able to touch the mind of the other. It
had saved his life, and it had saved Qui-Gon's life.
The bond had expanded and strengthened. Emotions were easily
read, and while thoughts were not exchanged, images often were.
It enabled them to move together, to learn from each other, and
it had kept them alive.
Somehow, Obi-Wan knew that it was only a matter of time before
they formed a full Bond, one that enabled them to actually read
the projected thought of the other - to have conversations
within their own minds.
And maybe then...
But now there was less than there had been at the beginning.
Obi-Wan felt empty. His mind and soul had known the presence of
another for so very long that he was almost unable to cope. It
felt as if there were something he could almost, but not quiet
hear. As if something vital to his existence was just ever so
slightly out of range.
He hadn't realised just how bad it had become until the first
night they had arrived on this Force forsaken ice cube. He had
been relaxing in the hot pool in their quarters when his master
has stripped and joined him. Obi-Wan had seen his Master naked
many times, but never, ever, had he seen him with an erection.
It had forced all the air from his lungs. He had been
completely unable to hold back the wave of lust (and not a
little envy) that had hit him. But as he opened his mouth to
apologise, he saw that Qui-Gon had not noticed. He had probed
gently along the bond, and realised that what he had
inadvertently sent had not been received.
He had almost cried.
The last time they had been here, the two men had slept wrapped
in each other's arms. Obi-Wan had loved the safe and warm
feelings that it had evoked. He knew that his Master had no
feelings for him other than that of a much-loved student; that
had become quite clear over the years - but somehow he couldn't
help but dream soft dreams when his Master was close.
For the last five nights Qui-Gon had stripped off his robes,
gathered the furs around him, and turned his back on his
apprentice. It had hurt badly enough that Obi-Wan had felt the
need to meditate to help release his tangled emotions into the
force.
He knew that Qui-Gon didn't love him, he had accepted it and
moved on as it were. He knew that he wasn't projecting or
broadcasting any inappropriate emotions or desires. So why had
his Master cut him off?
**There is no Passion, there is Serenity**
Yeah, right.
"They've accepted the treaty, all three sides are happy, and
the Council has come out of this with its dignity intact -
Master, does this mean we can go someplace a little more
hospitable to warm blooded life?"
"Obi-Wan you know better than to anticipate the needs of the
Council - perhaps they will send us to Dagobah, or somewhere on
the Outer Rim."
Obi-Wan didn't even try to suppress the groan and was rewarded
with the first genuine smile he'd seen in what felt like
forever.
"Relax my friend, we are being sent to Phalate Prime -
temperate, beautiful, three moons, and I'm told the locals are
highly warm blooded."
That was a tone of voice that he had never heard Qui-Gon
use, and he wasn't so sure he liked it.
Qui-Gon wondered how much longer he as going to be able to hide
from Obi- Wan.
It was a stupid thing to even be attempting. He was a Jedi
Master, a teacher, and a diplomat; considered a wise man.
Reduced to a six and a half foot tall erection.
He knew he had to tell his apprentice the truth, and soon, or
Yoda would take it upon himself to do it for him. And no matter
what the personal cost, Qui-Gon knew that the information had
to come from him. Not that he considered Yoda to be
insensitive, but he somehow doubted that the ageing master
would be able to keep his opinions on the matter to himself.
And Yoda was most undignified when he giggled.
He knew in his heart that he had put it off too long already.
Hoth had been a nightmare, and Phalate Prime had been worse; at
least on the ice plains of Hoth Obi-Wan had kept his clothes
on.
He was going to lose his apprentice. The fear washed over him
like an icy wind. He centred himself, knowing he had to release
the fear into the force but it was becoming so difficult. How
could he reconcile losing the one person who was most vital to
his continued well-being?
Yoda had no answers for him. For a brief time he had considered
confiding to Mace, asking for his opinion, or advice, or who
knew what. He had dismissed the idea quickly. The fewer that
knew about this, the better.
Qui-Gon knew that he was letting vanity and fear override
common sense and he didn't have a clue how to stop. He needed
to meditate - desperately. He also needed sleep, and food.
And may the Sith rule the galaxy, he needed to have sex
with someone other than himself.
A sharp buzzing interrupted his chaotic thought "Master? Where
are you? Are we not supposed to be involved in a sabre practice
session?"
Wonderful. It seemed he couldn't even manage to be punctual.
Jedi Master indeed.
Obi-Wan stood in front of his Master with his lightsaber at the
older man's throat and came to the not so startling conclusion
that enough was enough.
"Master, do you not think it is time to tell me what is going
on?"
"Padawan do not feel that you were able to best me today only
because I am distracted. You have come far in your training,
never doubt that."
"Master..."
Qui-Gon closed his eyes and Obi-Wan noticed that a small smile
had been allowed escape. "Yes Padawan, I agree it is long past
the time for me to be honest with you. I wish to bathe and rest
- gather my thoughts," he added and Obi-Wan let his protest
die, unvoiced. "I will tell you everything. Obi-Wan, but I need
to do so in my own fashion."
"Fine Master, but do not think that I will forgo this. You will
tell me."
The bath had done nothing to calm Qui-Gon's nerves. He
considered meditating, but knew that he would have no better
luck there than he had for days.
Obi-Wan needed to know the truth. Qui-Gon had never lied to his
Padawan and this was not the time to start. Donning
fresh robes he simply sat on a couch and waited for Obi-Wan's
return, trying to order to his whirlwind thoughts.
The young man entered their quarters and without a word sat on
the floor at his Master's feet. An image, white hot, flared in
Qui-Gon's mind and he decided space was needed. He stood and
crossed the room with little of his usual dignity.
Obi-Wan's jaw hit the floor. "Right. Qui-Gon Jinn, you
will tell me what is going on and you will tell me now.
You haven't eaten for days, meditated for weeks, and I suspect
it's been even longer since you slept. You are short tempered,
and I have twice almost beheaded you in combat. I am beginning
to fear for your control, and perhaps my sanity. Master, what
is happening? Honestly, if I didn't know you as I do I would
think you were in love."
"Were it that simple my Obi-Wan. It seems that I have reached
maturity."
"Maturity? Master what are you talking about? Has something
made you think you are old? Master you are only 60."
"No, Obi-Wan not that type of maturity. I have neared the first
quarter of my life-span, and have reached sexual maturity."
"Sexual m... You mean Puberty? Master you're 60 years old."
"It's not quite the same for us. I went through part of what
you would call puberty in my early twenties. I grow hair, for
example, and my voice has already risen."
"Excuse me, did you say the tenor of your voice went up??"
"Yes, of course. And I shall grow no taller; height is not a
sexual characteristic. But there are some similarities to your
puberty."
"Hormones?" Obi-Wan asked, not unkindly.
"Hormones," Qui-Gon confirmed. "I find I am unable to control
the reactions of my body. As my physical sexual characteristics
continue to develop, I find my self...distracted."
"No taller...develop... Sith, Master, how much bigger
can it get?"
For the first time in his life, Qui-Gon blushed.
A cup of soothing tea in his hand, Qui-Gon waited for the
questions to start. He knew he was not going to enjoy answering
them, but he knew that he must.
"Are you a virgin, Master?"
Oh good, start with the easy one. "Yes, Obi-Wan I am. Until a
few weeks ago, no other possibility existed for me."
"You mean you've never even...um..."
"Pleasured myself? I have had three padawans, all of whom
reached sexual maturity while under my care, I am familiar with
the concept, but it is only recently that I have had any
physical need to do so."
"You seem to be taking this all rather well. I see no cause for
distraction, not to the extent I've seen anyway. What haven't
you told me yet Master?"
Qui-Gon gathered himself tightly. Moment of truth. "Do you
trust me, Obi- Wan?"
There was no hesitation "With my soul, Master."
"I have already spoken with Master Yoda, he shall take over the
last of your training, if you so choose. You need to learn more
of the living Force, and he is perhaps the best teacher for
you. I shall be available for you if-"
"MASTER!" said Obi-Wan, obviously trying to keep the
desperation out of his voice "What are you talking about? Why
are you leaving me? What have I done!?!"
Qui-Gon was aghast as his Padawan, his friend, his equal in so
very many ways knelt on the floor in front of him, tears barely
held back. This was not going at all well.
"Obi-Wan, please do not fear, you have done nothing wrong. It
is I who have betrayed you, but please know and understand that
it was not by choice."
Obi-Wan reached up a hand and tugged at the older man until he
joined him on the floor. When they sat face to face, he tried
again.
"Qui-Gon, I have been trained, by you I might add, to
communicate in fifteen languages; could you please start over
using one of them."
"I love you. I am 'in love' with you. I desire you. Does that
allow you to understand why I am no longer able to attend to
your training?"
"You...? How...? When?"
"I have loved you with all my heart for many, many years, my
friend. But the feelings have been non-sexual. Even if you
hadn't been a child, sexually speaking, I was. It never
occurred to me that we would still be together when maturity
came- I am a little early."
"Master, is this why you have closed your mind to me?" Obi-Wan
thought for a moment, trying to decide if he was himself ready
for this. "Will you open your mind to me? I do not want to
leave you Master, can't we try?"
"No." The word was spoken softly, and Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan
shiver, as if something unpleasant had slithered down his
spine.
He watched his Padawan try to contain himself before rising to
his feet and beginning a most un-Jedi like pacing. "Master, how
can you deny us the chance to continue. You can't fear
rejection - I refuse to believe you paid so little attention to
me during my own puberty. I would be more than willing..."
"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon rose and grabbed his Padawan's shoulders. "I
am entrusted with your training, willing does not enter
into it. I remember your puberty clearly. I knew that you had a
crush on me, and that you felt rejected. The images were
interesting, but as meaningless to me as a display of Gungan
erotic sculptures. Perhaps I should have explained that then,
to ease your heart, but you have not exactly been pining away
in unrequited love, and when the opportunity presents itself
your bed does not remain empty." Disgusted with himself, and
uncomfortably aware that touching his apprentice had been
dangerous to his libido, he turned away and walked out to the
terrace overlooking the Council chamber. "This discussion is at
an end, please prepare yourself for the change."
"No Qui-Gon, it is not. What are you not telling me, Master?
The truth, Master, please."
"Padawan, I do not seek a bed-partner, it is...not our way."
There is no passion, there is serenity: For the first time
Obi-Wan understood what that mean. "You seek a mate. Your
people mate for life, don't they, Master."
A soul bond. Qui-Gon had all but severed their training bond so
as not to accidentally force himself into his Padawan's mind.
He felt like screaming his joy to the skies. Joining his Master
on the balcony, Obi-Wan found he could no longer keep the smile
off his face.
"I love you."
"It does not matter. I am your teacher, your trainer. It is a
betrayal of trust."
"Qui-Gon, are you listening to yourself? Teacher? Trainer? This
is not the Coruscant Academy, you are not a professor - you are
a part of me."
"I am still your Master."
"The way you have been behaving the past few cycles, I wonder.
Look, you are inferring that we have a relationship based on
trust and on my need to be trained by you. If that were the
case, masters would be interchangeable - do you feel that they
are?"
"Obi-Wan, you are refusing to see what..."
"No, Master, it is you who is blind to what is in front of you.
You have put yourself through torment for no reason, and
dragged me down with you. Oh Qui- Gon, why do you not listen to
your own lessons?" Obi-Wan stopped his pacing and sat on the
cold balcony tiles at his master's feet.
"Master, do you not understand? You have been inside my head
since I was 13. We had forged the beginnings of a bond even
before I was officially taken as your Padawan Learner. Reflect
back upon the bonds you had with your other padawans. Was your
training bond with Xanatos even a fraction of what we have - or
rather what we had before you decided that I needed to have a
piece of my soul amputated for my own good."
Obi-Wan stopped talking for a moment and opened his arms.
Qui-Gon sank to the floor and took hold of the offered hands.
"The first threads of a Soul Bond formed long ago. The Force
has put us together, do not cast us asunder. Oh, my Master, I
love you, I am 'in love' with you, and by the Force, I
desire you."
Qui-Gon didn't answer him. He didn't seem to be able to.
Instead he lowered his mental shields and let Obi-Wan in.
His head was flooded with feelings and images. All of Qui-Gon's
emotions soared into his mind and carried him away. Qui-Gon
wanted him, needed him, loved him. It was every impossible
dream that had ever haunted him in the darkness.
Instinct told him that he would need to take the lead - at
least for now. Some of the images that were now lingering in
his thoughts told him that his Master was no shy flower,
although he wasn't entirely sure some of them were anatomically
possible...
He opened his eyes and saw the pain on the other's face.
Qui-Gon had let the control go but Obi-Wan now understood that
he had it in his power to ease the pain.
"Oh my Master, let me..." he reached out and caressed the
beautiful proud face of his love. Oh to finally be able to
touch this man as a lover. With quick fluid movements Obi-Wan
stripped the robes off his Master. He closed his eyes and
allowed himself to simply feel; to be able to touch the warm
soft skin was such a joy, a simple pleasure that amounted to so
much.
Qui-Gon was suffering, so Obi-Wan decided that a bit of relief
was needed. He reached down and began a slow, steady, smooth
stroking designed to bring the other to a quick, fast finish.
He was unprepared for the scream that accompanied Qui-Gon's
orgasm. He was a bit concerned until he realised that he had
heard the sound in his mind, not with his ears.
"Qui-Gon? Do you feel it, love? The Bond?"
His breathing was still erratic, but some semblance of control
was returning to his fevered mind.
"Obi-Wan, are you sure? There is still time to stop. You don't
fully understand what it is you are doing here."
"Master, your thoughts have made it perfectly clear."
"Obi-Wan, please, you know that we mate for life..."
"You are concerned that my life-span is so much shorter than
your. Master, we will have perhaps a hundred years together in
this life and then we will be together for eternity in the
force. I know that you will likely outlive me by several
hundred years and that is a long time to be alone, but Master,
I will somehow always be there for you. I will never leave
you." Obi-Wan's voice faded as Qui-Gon began looking at him as
if he had lost his mind.
"Obi-Wan, that I might outlive you never crossed my mind. It is
a Soul Bond, you would survive my death, but I will not live
one breath past the end of your life. But, as a Bonded pair our
lives as Jedi will forever changed."
"Oh, My Master...my life forever changed the first second I saw
you. But I think perhaps you are right, I am not sure I can
live with the knowledge that I will shorten your physical life.
But to be honest with you my Master, I do not think that even
if I had the slightest desire to do so, I could stop this. Now,
kindly stop bemoaning your fate, and come here and enjoy it."
Obi-Wan's touch felt like a cool waterfall on his overheated
skin. Qui-Gon was drowning in sensation. He tried to focus, to
understand what was happening. He felt he was losing himself.
"No, my love, not lost, still seeking. Come to me, let me show
you the way to the light."
Qui-Gon tried once again to focus, then gave in to the desires
of his heart and soul. He wanted...no, he didn't know what he
wanted, other than to know every inch of the man who was
caressing him, leaving streaks of fire where ever he touched.
"Master..."
**Master**
Qui-Gon shuddered as he realised he had heard the word as a
caress in his mind. He felt the gentle press of lips against
his own and lost whatever remained of his battle for control.
Qui-Gon lay in his lover's close embrace, trembling through the
aftermath of his second orgasm. He was somewhat shocked to find
himself still hard, still in need, but Obi-Wan didn't seem
fazed in the least and the warm hands that were soothing him
slid to caress his flanks. He felt the warm joyous feelings
travelling down the ever strengthening bond. Obi-Wan's love for
him was all encompassing, all powerful and nothing could ever
harm him as he was protected within the shield of it.
**Master, has your love for me ever been anything less?**
Qui-Gon finally felt some of his legendary control returning to
him. He looked up into the green-blue eyes of his apprentice,
and laughed aloud at the thought that here it was he who was
the apprentice.
"I have no idea what to do, Obi-Wan."
"Well, you certainly had some ideas earlier." The grin was best
described as lecherous.
Qui-Gon felt a weight lift. It was going to be - no it already
was - all right. Everything was good, and right, with them,
with the force, with the entire universe.
**Well Master, I don't know about the universe, at least not
yet.**
Qui-Gon laughed out loud and it felt good. He reached up
to touch the hair that had haunted his dreams and wrapped the
braid around his hand, using it as a handle to bring the
other's mouth to his. Perfect. No other word would do.
Obi-Wan's lips were soft and warm, the slight stubble tingled.
It was a gentle kiss, soft, easy. Discovery and temptation - he
felt the pressure to explode once more but he wanted to keep
this gentle, to be able to explore, to learn all there was to
learn about his young love.
**Master, there will be time for gentleness later**
And once again, his love, both his student and his teacher, was
right.
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