Goodnight, My Angel
by Anastasia (padawan_ana@yahoo.com)
Categories: angst, h/c, pre-slash, missing scene, challenge
response
Rating: PG for implied relationship of Q/O
Pairing: Q/O, Anakin
Status: Complete
Archive: M_A please
Warnings: If you don't like to see Obi-Wan as the stronger
character, or you can't bear to see Anakin for what he really
is (a small, scared little boy just wanting a bit of comfort),
then this story is probably not for you. : ) And YES, that
IS sarcasm you hear. Just READ the story already! Please?
Spoilers: A tiny bit for TPM's characters...nothing much by way
of plot spoilers for the movie
Summary: A sweet story about comfort in the night on a cold,
dark ship...
Feedback: Please, please, please!!!! I'm new to all this, and
when I don't hear from anyone, I get a complex...Please save my
beta readers from having to listen to me whine... : )
Disclaimers: We all know who these characters belong to (Thank
you, Mr. Lucas!), so there's no question as to who's getting
all the credit, money, attention, etc. for these wonderful men.
(Hint: It's not me...) However, I would like to use them
as props for a few story-telling bouts....and maybe a few other
things. Mr. Lucas, can Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon please come out to
play? Thank you!
Credits: The song at the end of this piece is "Lullabye
(Goodnight, My Angel)" by Billy Joel. It is copyright 1992
Joelsongs (BMI) and written here just as the lyrics are printed
in Billy Joel's 'Complete Hits' song collection. I am in no way
stealing this song or using it for my own profit...it just fit
too perfectly into my story and I had to use it. Thank
you, Billy, for your wonderful music! : )
Odd note: In my spell check, lullaby is spelled just like this.
But in Billy Joel's song, he consistently spells it 'lullabye'.
So in the song and song title I've spelled it his way, but in
my story, I've let spell check spell it its way. : )
Inspiration: Credit for the inspiration of this piece goes
directly to Deejay who, after some group list talk about
Ewan/Obi-Wan/singing, posted a suggestion to the M_A list
saying that she could picture Obi-Wan singing to Anakin. The
thought of that really stuck in my head and I tried to ignore
it, but... We all know how that goes, don't we? : ) In
any case, my HUGE thanks to Deejay, whose idea--and almost
every suggestion she made--appears in what follows. Thank you,
Deejay. waves and blows kisses I haven't been
this inspired in a very LONG time.
Thank yous: Thanks to Esmerelda, Kat, Megan, Holly, Kaly, and
Deejay for being my own personal cheering section. : ) And of
COURSE for their fast beta readings and wonderful
suggestions, comments, questions, corrections, etc. There is no
way I'd post a story without you guys! You're the best!
Obi-Wan lay awake long into the ship's night. Beside him, on a
bed nearly too small to fit two grown people, Qui-Gon Jinn
slept. His breathing was soft and even, the silky hair that
Obi-Wan so loved to touch fanned out on the pillow all around
his master's head. To the untrained eye, Qui-Gon was the
picture of serenity; the calm, unshakable Master, even in
repose. A veritable living angel.
The battle with the being on the desert of Tatooine had taken a
lot out of the older Jedi. Much more than his master had let
on, Obi-Wan knew. Qui-Gon had barely been able to get back to
the ship, and as he lay exhausted and panting on the deck at
Obi-Wan's feet, the apprentice had felt not only his Master's
physical pain, but his mental anguish as well.
Qui-Gon was intensely bothered by what the creature might
represent and the apprehension, which he could not fully
eradicate, had radiated from him all day. Even through his many
meditations, it had not been cleansed. And Obi-Wan knew that
was a burden on his master as well. But on the Queen's ship,
heading for the capital of the Republic in such an uncertain
situation, was neither the time nor the place to force a
conversation on the subject, and so the topic had been mutually
dropped.
Rising up onto one elbow, careful not to jar the bed, Obi-Wan
studied his sleeping master. In the darkness, Qui-Gon's face
was all planes and shadows, from the smooth, high forehead to
the sloped nose and strong chin. Obi-Wan frowned slightly,
beautiful as it was. The man did paint the picture of
the proper Jedi...to the untrained eye. To his padawan, he was
a troubled man with ten worlds of worries on his shoulders.
Obi-Wan reached out, lightly running one finger along Qui-Gon's
cheekbone. The weather-worn skin was flushed, as if sun-burned.
Concerned, he touched the back of his hand to his master's
forehead, finding it warm, but not feverishly so. The tips of
two fingers, placed gently upon a long, delicate throat found a
pulse too quick for normal sleep. Which brought him to his
master's eyes.
While everything else about Qui-Gon remained under the Jedi
Master's tight control, Obi-Wan could see the other man's eyes
moving rapidly beneath closed lids. Long lashes fluttered,
eyelids flickered, and Obi-Wan knew that Qui-Gon was dreaming.
Vividly. The incongruous sight of a body trained not to show
undue emotion, and the eyes which could not be stilled in their
attempt to do so, threatened to crush the breath from the
apprentice's chest.
Qui-Gon had not wanted closeness this night. He had not wanted
to be held, and comforted, and gentled. The demons he fought in
his mind had been too many, too strong within him, and he had
wanted to fight them alone. It was not unusual for him to want
to deal with matters of the mind on his own...but it was
unnecessary.
At Qui-Gon's side, one large hand twitched, almost
imperceptibly, and Obi-Wan's heart nearly shattered. Why
must you always be so contained, my Master? his mind cried
out. Why do you believe it is only I who am in need
of strength? Allow me to lend you my strength for once,
Master. Allow me to be strong for you.
A sudden ripple in the Force drew Obi-Wan's attention away from
his master. Lifting his head as if listening for something, the
younger man concentrated on seeing and feeling the Living Force
around him.
The disturbance was small and not centered on his Master, so he
widened his range, allowing his senses to scan the ship. He
picked up on the ripple and followed its trail back to...
There! He had it.
Moving slowly into a sitting position, Obi-Wan swung his legs
over the side of the bed. Standing up, he gasped in shock as
his warm , bare feet met the icy coldness of the deck. Glancing
back to be sure his master was undisturbed, he searched the
small room with his eyes, finally locating his cloak. Not
bothering with shoes, he scooped up the covering from a nearby
chair and slipped it on over his white sleep attire.
Heading for the door, he hesitated. Walking quietly back to the
bed, he laid a hand softly on his master's forehead. //Sleep.//
his mind told the older man's. //Sleep and be at peace. All is
well.//
Gathering the brown material of his cloak around himself to
ward off the chill of the ship, Obi-Wan headed out the
door...and nearly stumbled over the tiny figure hunched into a
ball in the middle of the dim corridor.
"Anakin!" he exclaimed, more loudly than he'd intended. This
was most definitely the source of the Force ripple. They'd left
the boy to spend the night with Padme, who had volunteered to
stay with him in order to give the two Jedi a bit of time to
themselves. What, Obi-Wan wondered, was he doing way
down here?
Kneeling beside the boy, he saw that he was trembling. Whether
from the cold or something else, he didn't know, but he
certainly knew misery when he saw it. As Obi-Wan leaned back on
his heels to remove his cloak, the boy's sandy head, pillowed
on his arms, began to turn from side to side.
"No! Nooo!!" he shouted, in a slumber-rough voice. "You can't!
You can't have him!"
He moved wildly in his sleep, gasping for breath as if he were
running from something. Tiny, tanned hands clawed out, reaching
toward some unseen horror. His small, determined jaw clenched
around the words, as if his soul were fighting to say them even
as his spirit fought to keep them inside.
"Ani, Ani," Obi-Wan chanted soothingly as he pulled first one
arm and then the other from the long sleeves, inwardly cursing
his own slowness. "It's okay, Ani. You're safe now."
"Leave him alone!" the sleeping boy screeched. "He saved us..."
Short legs kicked out, moved restlessly against the ship's
deck. "No..." He choked the word out. "He saved...me. Mom!
Mom!"
Obi-Wan, cloak finally in hand, bent down to lay it on the
flooring and lifted the small boy onto it. With some
difficulty, he managed to wrap the flailing arms and legs
inside of it, swaddling the youngster in hopes of quieting him.
Feeling clumsy and awkward, he somehow managed to make it to
his feet. Force! He'd performed moves in his katas that
required less balance and concentration. Cradling the writhing
form to his shoulder as he would an infant, he swayed from side
to side in what he prayed was a calming motion.
"Mom! Mom! I will come back for you! I will!" The boy's head
swiveled back and forth, giving the appearance of someone
trying to shake a terrible image. His feet swung like
pendulums, banging into Obi-Wan's thighs with clockwork-like
regularity. There would likely be bruises by morning.
The fear and confusion in Anakin were palpable. They rose from
him like steam from a tea kettle. Reaching unobtrusively into
the boy's mind, he skimmed the dreams, pulling out odd images:
Sebulba crashing the pod, Watto dealing with Qui-Gon, Anakin
walking away from his mother, Qui-Gon fighting the black and
red menace in the dark cloak. Qui-Gon fighting the black and
red menace... Qui-Gon fighting... Qui-Gon...
So Qui-Gon was not the only one being haunted by memories of
their attacker this night.
That's it, isn't it, Ani? he thought to himself. You
feared losing the one person who, literally, means your life to
you. For the second time that night, Obi-Wan thought his
heart would break. To have been freed by Qui-Gon and taken from
his mother, and then to have Qui-Gon attacked by the Dark
creature and nearly taken from him must have terrified Anakin.
How he must have feared being alone!
Obi-Wan reached up and began to rub the cloaked back in small,
comforting circles, as his Master had often done for him when
he had been young and afraid. Force, this one was too small to
have such large worries.
As Obi-Wan walked back and forth in the corridor, murmuring
words of comfort into the tousled hair, the youngster's
movements stilled and his screams quieted, changed into hoarse
whispers and rivers of tears.
"Oh, Ani," Obi-Wan said softly, as he felt the warm wetness
soaking through his sleep shirt. "I'm so sorry you're hurting."
His back and arms were beginning to ache from the weight of the
child. Slowly, not wanting to alarm the boy with sudden
movements, he moved to the wall directly outside their cabin,
leaning against it for support. After resting a bit, the Jedi
apprentice allowed his knees to bend and slid himself down the
rough wall until he was sitting, rather haphazardly, on the
deck.
Rearranging himself and repositioning the brown cloak around
his charge, he settled the youngster on his lap so that his
head rested in the crook of Obi-Wan's elbow. Using one of the
sleeves from the cloak, he gently wiped the tears away from the
smooth face, whispering soft nonsense as he did so.
"Master Qui-Gon!"
The loud shout from the finally-quieted boy jerked Obi-Wan out
of his almost-reverie.
The boy was sitting up, blue eyes wide, seemingly almost as
surprised as the young padawan.
"Ani," he said, drawing the boy's attention. "You're here with
me. You're safe."
"Where is Master Qui-Gon?" The voice was quieter now, almost a
whimper, but the question was a demand made by a frightened
young child.
Stroking a hand up and down the youngster's arm, Obi-Wan
requested, "Anakin, look at me."
The little boy obediently turned sleepy eyes in the
apprentice's direction.
"You are safe here. I promise you that. And Master Qui-Gon is
safe. He was unharmed in the fight today. He is in our cabin,
sleeping...as you should be doing..." He added the last part
with a small smile for Anakin, and was rewarded with a
brilliant smile in return.
"I did try," the youngster said honestly. "I stayed with Padme
as Master Qui-Gon told me to. But it was so cold. And I
wanted..." He closed his eyes and turned his face away from
Obi-Wan.
"What, Ani? What did you want?"
"I was scared. I tried not to be...because Jedis
aren't...but...every time I closed my eyes I could see the red
'saber and the black cloak, and I was afraid..." He shuddered.
Obi-Wan tightened his grip on the little boy, wanting to
protect him from the ghosts that filled his mind and his
dreams.
"Is that why you came looking for us, Anakin? To make sure
Master Qui-Gon was okay?"
The blonde head nodded against Obi-Wan's arm. "Only, it was
such a long way down here, and I was so cold. And. Very. Very.
Tired." His voice dropped off as if just the mention of sleep
made him want to drift off.
"You can sleep now, Ani," the apprentice told him, his
tone low. "I'll hold you and watch over you, to make sure
nothing happens to you. And we'll stay right here, with Master
Qui-Gon, so you'll know that he is safe, as well."
Blue eyes popped open for a moment, searching Obi-Wan's face
for the sincerity behind the words. Again, smile was met with
smile.
And Anakin did settle down into a sleep-like posture, but
unconsciousness refused to overtake him. Obi-Wan thought about
the times during his childhood when, curled up beside his
master, Qui-Gon had urged him to find sleep and Obi-Wan had
simply not been able to do so.
As a still-confused and over-tired Anakin began to silently cry
again with the frustration of not being able to obey the young
Jedi's simplest wishes, Obi-Wan began to softly sing.
"Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away"
It was a song that a much younger Qui-Gon had sung to a much
younger Padawan learner, many years before. Although Obi-Wan
remembered little surrounding the time he'd first heard Qui-Gon
sing the song to him, he did remember the song and what it
meant to him.
Obi-Wan had become deathly ill with the Anvirian Flu, burning
up with fever, out of his mind with horrifying dreams and
hallucinations. The symptoms had lasted several days and then,
as the Anvirian Flu progressed, his temperature had dropped far
below the normal range and he'd been overcome with convulsions
and chills, the threat of spiraling down into a coma never far
away.
"Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me"
From one extreme to the other and back again, the young Obi-Wan
had suffered through the viral attack, with Qui-Gon at his side
every minute. His temperature had see-sawed up and down
dangerously for two and a half weeks and it had taken him (and,
he suspected, his master) months to fully recover.
And through it all, though Qui-Gon had talked to him, soothed
him, hushed his ramblings and meditated for a quick end to his
suffering, the song had been the only thing that had truly
calmed the sick young padawan and ultimately allowed him to
heal. Qui-Gon had discovered its effects somewhere after the
first week of the illness, and from then until the end, he'd
made the song his mantra. Though he often said his voice left
much to be desired, Obi-Wan had found it very desirable.
"Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday you child may cry
And if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me"
The song had meant so much to Obi-Wan, and it still did. Then,
it had meant that his master was there for him, that he always
would be. It had made him feel special, loved, safe when he'd
been ill and hurting and doubting he'd ever feel well again.
The song had touched him in so many ways, had seemed to be sung
just for him from Qui-Gon's heart.
And now, as he sat rocking the gift of a child who had found
him this night, he found it difficult to sing the words without
his soul shattering itself into a million pieces from the
emotions surrounding it.
Obi-Wan stopped his rocking and singing just long enough to
check the little boy in his arms. Anakin's breathing, no longer
noisy and labored, was soft and even. His thoughts were
peaceful and the dreams no longer bothered him.
So wrapped up was Obi-Wan in the well-being of his charge, that
he didn't hear the door to the cabin open, or see the man
inside step out just far enough to allow the door to close
behind him. He didn't see the look of unguarded pride and
passion shining in the older Jedi's eyes, didn't feel the love
that rolled towards him, as waves crashing upon the shore.
As Obi-Wan took one last, steadying breath, to try and finish
the last part of the song...the part that was always hardest
for him to sing and hear...there was suddenly another voice, a
stronger voice, taking over and once again seeming to sing just
for him.
"Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be"
And now a tear did make its way down Obi-Wan's tired features.
A tear of sadness for the last verse, the meaning of which
seemed to change for him each time he heard it. A tear of
happiness for the life he had with Qui-Gon Jinn. A tear of
uncertainty for what the future would hold for them.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, his voice deep and his eyes
misty. "For all that you are to me. And for all that you've
done tonight...for both of us."
Stooping down to take the sleeping youth from his padawan's
loving grasp, he carefully balanced Ani against his broad
shoulder and offered Obi-Wan a hand up from the hard deck.
Moving back into the darkness of their cabin, Qui-Gon's careful
eye didn't miss the stiff movements of the younger man, or the
way he gingerly attempted to rub the circulation back into his
arms when he thought Qui-Gon was occupied with settling the boy
onto the cabin's spare sleep couch.
When Anakin was snugly secured between several thick blankets,
Qui-Gon held out a hand to his padawan, who was standing at the
foot of the couch, eyes on the youngster he was so seemingly
attached to now. After a moment, Obi-Wan took his hand, and
allowed himself to be led back to the bed he had left so long
ago.
They still did not speak of the evil attacker, but as they lay
there, beside each under the thick quilt, Qui-Gon allowed
himself to be held close by Obi-Wan. Held and comforted and
gentled as his padawan had longed to do before. And the older
Jedi well understood the feeling of the need to take care of a
loved one.
Face-to-face with Obi-Wan, as close to him as he could be
without actually being the other man, Qui-Gon was
soothed beyond words as his hair was smoothed, his back rubbed,
his face stroked.
"Goodnight my angel, my Obi-Wan," he said quietly, as he fell
into his apprentice's caress and fell asleep, his chin resting
in the other man's hair.
~el fin~
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