Summary: Qui-Gon's POV. Warning, them words are weird
meanderings. (Don't listen to Enigma).
Disclaimer: all hail George Lucas. I do not make a profit out
of my fanfiction writing.
Fragmented flowers
Are painful reminders
Of lost dreams
Beautiful because of
Their fragility.
You hold one in your hand
And it cuts you deep
With its glass-shard
Sharpness.
You bleed a pearl-drop
Of your exquisite life essence,
Staining those shattered
Petals.
Dear apprentice, you are the flower in my dreams. Beautiful,
radiant. Like the crystal blooms of Thalion V. You are
beautiful beyond description, the sunburst in my heart. Forgive
me, young apprentice, if I sound as if I am drunk with spiced
wine. Perhaps I have grown maudlin in my old age. Yes, I can
see you laughing already, those eyes twinkling with amusement.
Yes, I can see you smile now, your lips curved upwards. I long
to touch your mouth, feel the softness beneath my thumb. And I
imagine you turning your head upwards, yielding to my touch.
Like a flower reaching for the kiss of the sunlight.
Ah, my flower. My precious flower. So delicate, so sensitive.
You have grown from a boy to a handsome young man. You have
learned so much, blossomed. I rejoice to see you grow. My heart
swells with a father's pride...and more.
But why do you have to leave me? Without a word, you have
disappeared and I am standing alone in the glass house. There
is Life around me, pulsating like the morning sun. The Force
literally vibrates here. But something is missing...
You.
Was it something I had said? What did I do?
They have been looking for you everywhere. Yet you elude the
searchers. Where have you gone? I tried searching for you
myself, using the Force. I am a Master but I still fail... You
are simply gone. Not a single trace of you.
Do you know that the study room feels hollow without you?
I can hear laughter through the window panes. Children. They
sound happy, innocent.
Are you safe somewhere? Are you alive somewhere, laughing,
enjoying Life as it is? You are so serious sometimes. But I
love to see you smile. Those rare occasions are the ones I
cherish deep within me, like jewels too valuable to show the
others.
Master Windu tells me to let go. Life, the Force, goes on. I
refuse to give up hope. You are still out there. I can feel it.
You are alive. Well. Waiting for me.
What have I done?
Two nights ago, I dreamed of you. You were standing in front of
me, holding a moon-rose in your hands. You handed it to me and
I held it. You smiled, called me Master... and you began to
fracture. Your skin became porcelain and there were cracks,
spiderwebbing across that perfection. I tried to stop this from
happening and I reached out, touching your fragmenting arms...
I woke up, calling your name.
Have I made a mistake? Something that had hurt you? Speak to
me, young apprentice.
Is kissing my apprentice such a crime that warrants attention
from the Council?
I want to hear your voice once more.
Let go...
There was another dream, another dream of fragmentation. There
was a mirror and you were right beside me. The glass started to
crack and you turned to me asking Why did the mirror break? I
opened my mouth to answer but I was mute. Why did the mirror
break? You asked once more, bending down and picking up a
broken shard. Then, you began to bleed.
I could not stop the bleeding. The dam has burst, mistakes have
been made and we have to face the consequences.
What have I done?
Please forgive me, young padawan. I am foolish enough to let
emotions get in our way.
The laughter of the children has stopped. I listen hard for
more. None. The children must have returned back to their
classrooms.
Let go...
There is a spider spinning its web between two large green
fronds. I watch it move its legs, admire its weaving. The
gossamer threads are delicate, almost invisible.
You would have enjoyed watching the spider.
What are you doing now? Are you eating? Are you sleeping? Are
you meditating? Are you lost, wandering some forsaken street?
There are images tumbling across my mind: glass breaking,
crystal fragmenting. The Thalion V crystal
flowers...shattering... You disintegrating...due to my own
pride...
You were once the intact flower, the chalice with the precious
oil. Have I ruined that sanctity? I have shattered you...What
have I done? You have the right to run away, protect the
integrity of your soul and body.
Please come back...
I kneel down, looking at the pieces of glass on the floor. I
keep seeing images of you in them, your face, your smile. Your
entire self. I pick one up, looking at it. Sharp pain bites
into my flesh and I watch with fascination as red fluid
appears, like the blood pearls of Vaarbatti. The pain is almost
sweet, the sight of my own life essence a relief. I bleed. I am
alive.
Do you know that the blood pearls are formed out of protection?
The mollusk exudes a kind of mucus, composed of its own blood
tissue, coating that impurity invading its softness. The mucus
turns a would-be invader, a potential source of damage, into a
work of beauty. Such is the irony of Life.
My life essence, my blood, dots the floor in vivid red. The
pain numbs the inner pain inside me. I hurt, but I let my blood
coat the poison, turn it into a pearl.
My apprentice, you are my flower in my dreams, in my personal
nightmares. Why do you have to leave me? Do you know, by your
departure, that you have cut deep into my heart, seared into my
psyche?
Do you know...
-finis-
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