Master Apprentice Archive Found Loss Quick search:

Found Loss

by Alex Brown ( alexbrown01@hotmail.com )

Category: AU Drama Q/O

Summary: Qui-Gon meets someone he lost a long time ago.

Rating: R, for drug use and language

Warning: drugs

Spoilers: No

Disclaimer: Not mine

Author's Notes: Blame this on watching too much SW and Trainspotting (book and movie).

Feedback: please

Part 1: Found

I look around. I'm watching. Watching and waiting for a chance to rob someone. Yes, I am a thief. I need the money. I need my drugs.

I have been a thief now for about a year and I haven't been caught... yet. I can't remember what I was before. My memory consists just of one year. Once I was someone else. I had another life. What or who I was I don't know. I really don't know.

What I do remember is coming here. There are more like me, junkies and other homeless people, here in the streets. They looked at me. I tried to stay out of their way. I still have some money with me. But if I spend it on a hotel, I'll be broke within two days. The first thing to go is a lace to sleep. Food is more important. After drugs, that goes without saying. It was a warm night. So sleeping in the streets wasn't bad.

When I had been around for a few weeks, someone asked my name. I told him I had no name. I couldn't remember, I couldn't tell him that, now, could I. Together we found me a name. Solo. For I came here alone, and stayed alone. I don't have friends I have acquaintances. Most people here work together. They say it's easier. I work alone. I don't trust others. Hell, I don't even trust myself.

It's busy in the streets like on every Friday evening. I can choose my victim. I have picked my target. It's a young man, blond and in his twenties. The guy is stupid. He is a walking invitation for pickpockets like me. His wallet is right in my grasp, in the pocket of his pants. This is going to be so easy.

Just when my fingers have reached the wallet I'm stopped by an older man. He wears a ridiculous outfit. Beige pants and tunics and a brown cloak. He doesn't look angry or even accusing. Strangely he looks very calmly at me. Nevertheless he still is intimidating. He's a lot taller than me. In spite his strange appearance and behaviour, there's something about him. Something familiar, but what I don't know

"Obi-Wan? Is that you?" The first emotion I can see on his face is surprise, like he can't believe I'm here. What does he mean? Who is that? Ridiculous name. But I know somewhere I have heard it before. A long time ago. "Padawan?"

Well, that name, I assume it's one, is even more ridiculous than the first. I don't even answer him.

"Yes, it must be you. Don't you remember me? I'm Qui-Gon Jinn, your Master."

Master, eh? So he thinks I'm his slave. I thought my pride was gone, but no. No way I'm a slave. "I don't think so. I've never seen you before. I don't recognise the names you call me. And I'm quite sure I am no fucking slave." It comes out rather harsh and emotion number two appears on his face. This time it's disbelieve, as if I said something he hadn't expected from me. Or at least not from the one he thinks I am. But his reaction leads me to think the emotion is about something else.

"No, Obi-Wan. You are not a slave. Master is just a title. You are my student."

Student, yeah right. In what I don't know. I don't know anything. Only things like how to survive here. How to get food and a shot. I turn around. I have better things to do than listen to a man speaking strange words to me. He's probably just a bit crazy. He follows me. Calling me Padawan and Obi-Wan over and over again. I wish he would just go away. Why can't he go and bother someone else.

"I want you to come home with me."

What! Is that what he thinks of me? So maybe I'm not a slave, but at least a bloody prostitute. I have done a lot for money, but I never did that. I'm not that desperate. No fucking way.

As if he read my mind he tries and assures me. "No no. That's not what I meant. I won't even touch you. I just want to talk."

Strange. I don't know if I feel good about it or insulted. He seems sincere. Again he asks me to go with him. His hand just wavers a bit. And I hear myself say "All right." See I was right before. I can't even trust myself.

I accompany him to his hotel. I'm afraid I won't be allowed in. It looks very expensive. And I'm wearing dirty pants, a too tight T-shirt and a denim jacket. Once we're in, we go to his room. Maybe it won't be so bad. This place is huge with several rooms. I can look in the bedroom. It has a clean soft bed. I would do a lot for that.

He calls down and a girl comes in. "Yes, Ambassador Jinn? May I help you?"

So, this guy is an ambassador, for what? Ambassador Jinn asks her to get me some better clothes.

Not ten minutes later, she' back. She brought lots of clothes. So there must be something that will fit me. I'm nervous. Do I have to change now, in front of him?

"Go take a shower and change. I'll be waiting in the next room."

Great. I'll be alone. Maybe I can even take a shot. Ah, no can do. That would leave me too vulnerable. Fuck. It will have to wait till tonight.

The shower feels great. I get dressed. Most clothes are too big. Due to my addiction I'm thinner than other people my height. I finally find fitting trousers.

I step into the room dressed in black jeans and a white T-shirt. Jinn is sitting on a couch. He has also changed. Now he wears jeans and a shirt. It's a lot better than that stupid cloak. He looks sad. I think he pities me. "O, my Obi-Wan. What happened to you?" "I'm not Obi-Wan. I am called Solo. And I'm definitely not yours. Whoever you might be."

"I'm Qui-Gon Jinn, your teacher."

He hasn't done a very good job, then, has he? I am a junkie and a criminal. Probably had to teach me to live in society after committing a crime. A former parole officer. Can't remember though. I can't remember being caught. But hey that says fuck all.

When he invites me to dinner I once more feel compelled to follow him. I can hear myself thinking there has to be a catch. People don't take strangers out to dinner. Taking them to their rooms I can understand. Taking them out connects you to the following deed.

We sit down. I'm not feeling comfortable. People are watching us. Not in the way I would thought it would be though. Clean clothes probably help. They look at us as if they are looking at father and son. Having a holiday.

I decide to be bold "What are you doing this for? Sex?"

He again looks at me with that sad look in his eyes. "No Obi-Wan. No"

"How many times do I have to tell you? I am not Obi-Wan! I'm Solo! Who is this Obi-Wan? Is he your lost son or something? I don't buy that teacher stuff."

The other people in the restaurant realise we're having a disagreement. Jinn and I aren't speaking loud enough for them to hear. I sense this behaviour only confirms their beliefs. We're father and son. And I'm being the recalcitrant son.

"Just eat. I will tell later. I will tell you who you are and why I do this. Just eat. Choose what you like. You look like you could use it."

And I can. Good food isn't usually a high priority. I'm looking at their vegetarian menu, one of my quirks according to my fellow junkies. I can hear them 'Stupid junkie worrying what he puts in his body'. I just don't like meat. I decide on a pasta dish. He also takes that. He looks like one, who doesn't eat meat because of conviction or in order not to make me feel bad. First time someone tries and take care of me. It's feels strange, but good.

We eat in silence. The pasta tastes great and dessert even better. Chocolate cake, delicious. After that I couldn't care less what happened. I felt good. After dinner we went back up.

"Could you first tell me something about yourself, Obi... Sorry Solo?"

"Well, I have been living here for a year now. As you probably already know I'm a junkie. That was why I wanted to steal the wallet. I'm called Solo, because I'm alone. I showed up alone and I remained alone." I have told him more now than anyone else. I'm usually not a talkative fellow.

"Where did you live before that?"

"I don't know. I lost my memory. The first thing I can remember is waking up here last year." Yeah, go right ahead. Make it easy on him. "I could have been anyone."

"So, you could be anyone. But you are not. I'll show you." He gets on his feet and walks to his bags. Returning he gives me something. It looks like a photograph, but not quite. He is in it together with a young man. The young man is around 20 years old. "That's you, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Yes, there are similarities. Our eyes and faces are the same. But my hair is shorn close to my skull. Obi-Wan's hair is lighter reddish blond. It could be my colour when I would grow my hair. He has a ridiculous haircut. What is it with these people? He wears a ponytail and a long thin braid. But I can understand Jinn's mixing us up.

"You, uh, Obi-Wan disappeared 2 years and 3 months ago. It was just after his 21st birthday. We had a fight, and he left. He didn't return to our quarters. This happened on Ursa, a planet in the outer rim. I followed his tracks to a bar. He got drunk there and was taken 'home' by some men. I haven't stopped searching and now I finally found you."

"If I am Obi-Wan. What happened in the first year of my disappearance? I can only remember the last year."

"Do you want to stay here tonight? You can have the bedroom. I take the couch."

I need a shot. I need to get out of here. Yet once again I agree when I'm about to decline. I feel compelled to say yes. And so I stay.

His following actions only prove the guy is crazy. He takes me to his bedroom and gives me my gear, which was still in my own clothes in the bathroom. He told me he knew I needed it and that I could take it. No harm would come over me. He was right. I needed it. So after he left the bedroom I took a shot. I felt better right away.

The sun is shining on my face when I wake up. Jinn is sitting in a chair against the wall off the room. This makes me feel vulnerable. No wonder, I am.

"Do you like to come home with me?" He isn't as sure as he was before. "There I could show you who you were. What you were like. I've more holos of you." At my questioning look he says, "Holos are pictures. And your friends live there. Bant and Reeft would be happy to see you again. They miss you terribly."

"Suppose what you say is right, suppose I'm Obi-Wan Whatshisname. I'm not him, at least not anymore. I've changed and I can't go back."

"You can try."

"Do, or do not. There is no try" Now where did that come from? I have no idea. I must have heard it somewhere.

"This only proves I'm right. You are Obi-Wan. Please join me. Return with me to Coruscant." I will. I have nothing here to stay for. And he has treated me really well. It can't be worse than living in the streets, can it? Please, let this be the right decision.

Part 2: Return To Coruscant

In a few moments our ship will leave. A blond boy is heading my way. I think he's eleven years old or something like that. He is talking to Jinn. "Hello, Master."

Again the master-thing. The boy doesn't act like a slave towards a master. So it might truly be a title.

"Hello, Anakin. De you recognise our guest?"

Am I supposed to know this boy? While Jinn has something familiar about him. I'm certain I never met the boy.

"I'm not sure. He could be your last apprentice, Master Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan. The one from the holos and the stories. The one who disappeared?"

So there are stories about me. No, not about me, about him. I'm not him. I'm not Obi-Wan. I am Solo.

"Yes, That's him. Now all I have to do is to get him to remember his past.

"What? Why? Can't he remember?"

"No, he has lost his memory a year ago, or so he tells me. He doesn't recognise me or any of the names I said."

They discussed enough about me, without getting me in the conversation. "Hey, HE is here in this room. Although I'm still not sure I'm this Obi-guy. I refuse to be discussed in this manner."

I wonder what kind of medication is on board of this ship. If it's a long trip, I won't have enough drugs. And I don't want to go in withdrawal in space. Never have and I don't care to try.

After Anakin has gone to the cockpit I ask Jinn. He tells me there are some drugs I can take. I know it will not have much effect, but it will at least ease the pain.

In fact he has already given it to me. Maybe he's afraid I might ask for it and shock Anakin. It won't do to corrupt the lad, right?"

Space travel is not what I expected it to be. It's rather boring and I got sick. Anakin looked at me like I was supposed to be all right, as if me being sick didn't match with his information. He explained it. "Why are you sick? I never heard of you being sick in space. In the stories you always loved it."

"Well, I can't remember anything about that. I only know I am not right at the moment. Haven't been for the last year."

------

I feel low. I'm sick and I am really bored. There isn't anything I can do. Jinn and Anakin have several tasks. I go to the bunk assigned to me, and lay down.

I took a shot. I have not much left. Jinn, or Qui-Gon, said that it wasn't a problem. I could get my drugs at his home as well. I just have to trust him. Ironically, I do trust him, but not myself. After my hit I wake up hearing Jinn and Anakin talk. Seems I make an interesting conversation.

"What happened to him? I always heard he was so nice, neat and caring. He could do no wrong with most of my teachers. They always said things like 'this is not what Obi would have done; Obi-Wan would have solved the problem thusly. "Now the guy flying with us doesn't seem to care about anything."

"Ani, you're right. He's not the person Obi-Wan was. Not anymore. But I believe deep down in Solo, Obi-Wan still exists. The changes are due to memory loss. And on top off it he's also addicted to a drug."

"But in the stories it is said Obi-Wan helped the people of Viash to kick their habit."

"Yes, but this drug works much different. Unlike the other one he cured, this doesn't provide anything. It only takes away. And I think he lost his memory before he got addicted. So he wouldn't know a way to cure it anyway."

I can't stand it any longer. Hearing them talk about his good and my bad sides. I'm going to hate this Obi-Wan fellow. Maybe coming here was a bad mistake. I'll always be compared to Mister Nice Guy and I will always lose that comparison.

I got up and entered the cockpit. "How long till we reach that planet of yours?" I can't help it. It comes out harsh. It seems Anakin is right. I'm not nice person.

"In two hours we will dock"

Thankfully it won't be long anymore. On the other hand I'm terrified of what lies there for me. Will I go in the system as on Ursa or will I be able to get a life with Jinn. I sincerely doubt that.

I hope he keeps my arrival quiet. I don't want to become the focus of attention for people.

Finally we dock. This planet, Coru-something, is really weird. Everywhere I looked, where buildings, I always thought Ursa was crowded, guess I was wrong. We're in this huge building. They call it the Temple. So they belong to a religious order. Maybe a sect. I hope not. I've heard some nasty things about them. Nah, it can't. I've nothing they can possibly use. I'm nobody.

We go to Jinn's and Anakin's apartment. Nice, sober but very nice. This entire place is clean, silent and quiet. I just can't hear the quiet. The noise in my head is loud enough to drown it out. "Master, I probably could stay with Jasper and his master. Then Solo can take my room for the time being. I wouldn't mind."

"That's good, I'll contact them. Show Solo the way through our apartment will you. I have a meeting with the council. They have to know about Obi's return to Coruscant."

I don't think this Council will be too happy when they hear about me. They'll probably toss me out the minute Jinn tells them about me.

Anakin rouses me out of thought. "Solo, I'll show you your room. Actually it is mine now, but it was yours, uh Obi-Wan's. And you can stay there now. I still have some of your stuff. Maybe that will help you remember."

So this was my room. Again the clean and calm appearance. No matter how hard I try I can't envision myself here. I don't belong here. The walls are greyish. The bed is shoved under the window, nice view. There's a desk, but there are no lingering papers or anything on top of it...

Nothing what could make you think it's a children's room. One wall has shelves on it. It holds different things. Some holos are displayed on the top shelf. Anakin and Jinn. Anakin and a woman, probably his mother?

Even this is organised. The only clues to the room's owner are the models of spaceships hanging down from the ceiling. They are beautiful. If Anakin made them he's very handy with tools.

I decide to be nice to him for a change. He's leaving for my sake. "You've done a good job with the models. They look pretty real to me."

"They're not mine, but yours. You made them."

"I made them? I don't know if I do such a thing. I was pretty sure you made them."

"No, I wish. I thought they were wizard, so I kept them. If I make something it usually is bigger, like droids and stuff."

I need a fix, and I don't have anything left. I'm already trembling. Damn. Anakin notices it. He tells me he'll notify Qui-Gon. I don't see him use anything like a comm. link. But a few minutes later Jinn arrives at our quarters. When he sees my state, he takes me to the healers. He obtains my drug and my world is right again. Even if it's only for a short while.

They seem to know a lot about drugs here. Maybe I can kick here. I tried kicking before. It didn't really work. If you only know people in the drug world, you won't be able to get out. You need at least someone on the outside. I'll discuss it with Jinn tomorrow or the day after that.

I wake up around dinnertime. It's better than what I ate for the past year. I have no idea if I could cook. I haven't had the opportunities to find out. So happily I spoon down what Jinn made.

Later that night I ask Jinn what this place is and everything connected with it. He tells me it is the Jedi temple. I've heard of the Jedi before. They have special powers. Is that the reason I agreed with Jinn so easily and why Anakin didn't have to use a comm. link. That would be a very convenient trait. Anakin leaves for his friend's quarters and Jinn and I are left on the couch.

I look around the room. There are lots of plants in here. One has very pretty light blue flowers. I like that colour it is almost fluorescent. On a cupboard several holos are placed. Two of them have Obi-Wan in them. At least I think it's Obi-Wan. In the first is a fourteen-year-old boy. It can't be Anakin. So it's probably him, uh me according to Jinn. The strange haircut is already there. Anakin wears it to. Does this mean something or is it just fashion. It's probably the first. I don't see these Jedi do anything without a reason. The second picture is taken when Obi-Wan is around 18 years old. He looks very happy. He has a big grin on his face. I think he won a competition, as he's holding a trophy. He doesn't look anything like me. Laughter seems to be rolling off of him. I haven't laughed for a long time.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Jinn opens the door and a green troll-like creature comes walking in. He looks at me. It makes me feel uneasy. "You were right, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan this is. Thought to see him back, I did not. Hope, I did."

Part 3: Jealousy

I will have to go before the Council myself soon. I don't want to. I never liked being the centre of attention. It's much harder to steal things when everyone is watching you. Part of me feels I'm ungrateful; I'm already hanging around the Temple for things to steal. But everyone on the streets can tell you attention is dangerous.

The Council wants to see, and I quote, 'if I could be rehabilitated' and 'that I would not be a danger to others'. I personally think it's a lost cause.

Last night Jinn has told me stories about Obi-Wan. How they two of them met and stuff like that. He hopes it will help me remember. But it hasn't for now. Maybe someday it will and maybe not.

That was terrible. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy an audience with the Council. Twelve council members from several species, I never had seen the likes of some of them, trying to get into your head.

"Are you afraid?"

Of course I am. I would be really stupid if I wasn't. Twelve powerful trained minds against mine. That is a battle I can't win, but nevertheless have to fight. No small wonder I'm afraid. There's one Council member that really gives me the creeps. Before entering the Council Chamber I thought I would fear Yoda most of all. Yoda seemingly knowing all there is to know. I now know that was ridiculous. No, the worst is that dark skinned human. Windu. Yeah, that was his name. I don't think he likes me, or even Obi-Wan for that matter. Finally it is over now and I'll live. But only thanks to Jinn and Yoda. Only they truly believe I'm their precious Obi-Wan Kenobi and think I might just change back. I may count my blessing with Yoda on my side, seeing his influence in the council.

The two of them convinced the Council to give me a chance to clean my act. I am to go in a detox clinic, here at the Temple. When I have kicked my habit, I will be summoned once again to appear before the Council. And they will decide further actions.

The Council was bad, but I have found something even more terrible... Obi-Wan's friends. They say they're glad to see me. But it doesn't ring true to my ears. They would be happy to see Obi-Wan, but not me. I can almost hear them think 'Obi-Wan never would have let it come to this. He was stronger than that. This is not he. He has changed.'

I want to scream. How much longer will I be able to stand this? I almost will be happy to go to the clinic. There it will be quiet. No people who knew my former self. No image from someone from whom I'm not even a meagre shadow.

Jinn told me he would come and visit me so I won't be alone in the fight. He wants to help me. If anyone can it's him. I like him and probably more important I trust him. I just have to if I want to survive this.

Before I go to the clinic I go and walk in the Water Gardens. Jinn told me that's where Obi-Wan used to spend some of his spare time. The gardens are beautiful. This is the first place I have found some peace. All the way in the back is a waterfall. I'm attracted to it like iron to a magnet. For the first time I believe that at one time in the past I did belong here.

I hear someone coming. Hoping it's Jinn I turn around and smile. But it isn't Jinn; it's Windu. He looks angry. "Why did you return?"

His question surprises me and I open my mouth to speak, but I don't have an answer to offer. "Jinn asked me to come." And that's the truth.

"We were happy together, finally. He mourned you a while and then moved on. Yes, he was still searching, but he did move on. He never could forget you, but turned to other people. After you left, I became his lover. The way it always was meant to be. And as it was before you came and took him away from me." He was really seething mad.

What ... Jinn and I were lovers ... before I disappeared. Jinn hasn't told me any 'bout that.

"From the moment Qui has laid his eyes on you again, he has changed. He can't talk about anyone but you. He doesn't come to me anymore at night, but stays in his quarters with you. You're here just to take him away again. I can't let you do that. You don't deserve him. You're nothing more than a short, thin, miserable, lying, stealing junkie."

What is he talking about? I didn't see anything going on between the councillor and Jinn. I'm roused from my thoughts as Windu throws something at me. It's a metal cylinder. Like the ones hanging from Jinn's and Windu's belt. I'm surprised and have no idea what to do with it. Master Windu takes his cylinder in his hands and pushes a button. A beam is formed. Ah, the legendary Sabre of the Jedi. I power the sabre I am holding. Then Windu attacks me.

Part 4: Enemies and Friends

Windu was coming to me. Sabre in full blaze. If I thought I was afraid in the Council Chambers, then by now I was terrified.

I know nothing of fighting. One time on Ursa I was involved in a bar brawl. But that was it. I punched someone's nose. Nothing more. And another time some guys were chasing me through town after I stole some money from them. Now a Jedi was after me. Someone completely trained to fight. Everything pales in comparison with that.

This should make me really uncomfortable. And a big part of me is. But that the sabre in my hands feels like it belongs there.

Windu strikes at me and with some trouble I manage to block him. Again he slashes at me and I block. He looks surprised I was able to block his moves. I am a little surprised myself. I don't have time to think about it. As he plunges forward to me I jump out of his reach. I'm definitely not used to this and after a few minutes I begin to tire. I can see in Windu's face he hadn't expected me to put up a fight.

I'm having trouble breathing. I know it's not only because of the fight. There's still my drug problem to consider. Soon I will go in withdrawal. Great timing, Windu. You're a real brave Jedi. Attacking someone weaker than you, and wait for his weakest side. One could think you're afraid of me.

//Obi-Wan, What's going on? //

So finally Jinn shows up. I can use any help I can get. I quickly look around me. There's no one.

//Obi-Wan, where are you? //

Then I realize I don't hear his voice, I *feel* it. I don't know how to reply. So I just try and think it. Hoping he will get my answer. //I'm in the Water gardens. Master Windu attacked me. Help me!//

Some moments later Jinn comes running into the gardens followed by Yoda and Bant. From the moment he arrives, he takes control. "Bant, take Obi to the clinic. I will find out what happened."

Windu immediately says, "He attacked me."

While Bant escorts me to the clinic I overhear the conversation between Jinn and Windu.

"What happened?"

"He just turned mad, Qui. For no reason at all he just attacked me. I think you'll have to face it. Obi-Wan is no more, all there is left is Solo. And Solo can't stay here. He is dangerous. He may attack other people. He doesn't act reasonable. He just attacked a council member. That's bad enough, but he might attack an initiate next. He will have to leave as soon as possible."

They continue, but I can't hear anymore. We are too far away now. Bant is looking at me. It's as if she can't understand why I attacked Windu. I am thinking of what happened myself. Jinn and I were lovers. I should ask Bant. She was Obi-Wan's best friend. So if someone would know, it was she.

"Bant, is it true Master Jinn and I were lovers?"

At this she smiles, suddenly happy. "Yes. Did you remember something? That would be great."

"No, I didn't. It was just that Windu said so when he attacked me. I don't think he's that fond of me. And that goes for good old Obi-Wan as well. He kept going on about how I took Jinn away from him then and was doing it again. I didn't even know they were in a relationship. Nor that I was."

I think she starts to believe and maybe even trust me. I guess something has been going on here at the Temple after Obi-Wan disappeared. Bant didn't know how to react at my admission. She goes quiet. After a few moments she tells me how Master Windu's behaviour had changed as soon as I was gone. Yes, he was shocked that a Jedi Padawan had left the Temple, but he told everyone not to go and look for Obi-Wan. I can sense she isn't sure she should be telling me this.

"How did I leave the Temple, Bant?"

"We're not sure. Some say you left; they're talking about a note you had left. I never saw the note, but I never thought Obi could run away. It was not like him. He was always trying to be the best, to fit in. He really belonged here." When people told me this before I heard an echo saying 'you don't!' Not now though. I'm starting to like her. She's friendly, even though I'm not her best friend anymore.

We have reached the clinic. A medic is approaching us. He explains me how the detox program works. Most of it, I won't notice. I'll be unconscious, under anaesthesia. It's supposed to be better. It will be easier on me and a relapse is less likely.

I'm taken to a room even barer than the Jinn's quarters. The walls are white, really hospital-like. I sit down on the bed and the medic stands next to me with a syringe. I'm injected and I feel myself slip away. Before I lose my conscious, I hear Bant say "Goodbye Solo. Please, get better."

Part 5: Recovery

I'm back with the living. My detox period was over a month ago. It was the worst period of my life. At least of the past one and a half year, because that's still all I can remember of my life. No matter how much Jinn wants me to. He starts getting on my nerves. It seems the only one I can stand being around me is Bant. She is the one who knows I'm not Obi-Wan. She stopped seeing me as Obi a long time ago. We started to become friends real quickly. She is my first friend.

Maybe my name isn't appropriate anymore. I'm no longer alone, no longer Solo. Where I go, Bant goes, and the other way around. She introduced me to other padawans. Now they aren't treating me like I'm Not-Obi-Wan anymore. I'm just another guy. I kinda like it. Against all Windu's pleading to get me away from the Temple Yoda has allowed me to stay. I follow some classes. Some are technical and really fun. I taught the rest how to hot-wire a speeder. My teacher didn't appreciate that. 'I was there to learn to behave like a decent person. Not to corrupt my fellow students. Did I understand!'

Other ones deal more with the Force. They are much harder on me. I'm put with others my age, but I'm nowhere near them. Yoda thought I would like being in school with people I knew and grow to know again. After the first disastrous lesson I decided it wouldn't work.

The others were so much better; I should start at a lower level. Tomorrow I will start in a less advanced group. I'll be in the same group as Anakin. So I know at least someone. And even without my memory I should be able to complete the course.

The best classes are the ones Jinn teaches me. Next time I have a fight, I'll know better what to do, how to react. I don't mean I'm planning on fighting, but one never knows. It seems most things just happen to me. I notice my style differs much from Jinn's. It's only logical. He's much taller and stronger than I am. But I can be much faster. With training I could be good at this. This is what Jinn says and I think he can be right. In this I'm not as far behind as in my other studies. Jinn tells me this is because I loved this so much and that I always had what he calls weapon sense. "That can't be taught, my Obi-Wan."

I don't try and correct people when they call me Obi-Wan anymore. Most people just call me what they want. Some still want me to go and they call me "Hey, you", some call me Solo and others call me "Obi". I like the last name.

Last night I had a dream. I was dressed the way I'm now, in Jedi clothing. But unlike now I had a Padawan braid and was talking to Jinn. "Why Qui-Gon, must you always insist on taking pathetic life forms with us?"

I told Jinn about it. He was happier than I've ever seen him, not counting my dream. He positively beamed. "See, this means I was right. You are Obi-Wan. And you're getting your memory back." Then he sent me to see another healer. Not for my body this time, but for my soul. I asked him why I had to go there and now of all times. I was happy with who I was now. I didn't mind my memory lapse, much. But Jinn were adamant. I had to go.

I won't recommend one of these talks as a good time. I know I wanted to leave all the time. All these questions to which I had no answers. And she kept going on. I left three hours later. I could have done more sleeping. But no talks, no sparring. So I'll go.

I continue to dream at night. It seems that only then I can get to my memories. The first I told Jinn about was a pleasant one. They weren't all. I keep having one dream a lot. In this dream I'm standing in front of Yoda and Jinn, behind them are more Jedi. Jinn tells me I'm not to be a Jedi. He will not train me. I can't think of what I have done wrong. And I'm send away from the temple. This can't be a memory, right. I'd become a Jedi. Jinn told me I was his Padawan. I had not left the Temple. I didn't tell Jinn this one. It will not do to freak him with my fears. Yes, that must be what this dreams means.

My healer, Jealyn Heth, knows something about it. At least she keeps asking me if I'm afraid I will fail people. I decide to tell her my dream. She tells me it is a memory. And that later, after I was expelled, Jinn did take me as his learner. I had to tell her all my dreams. It seems they mean more than normal dreams.

Today will be my first day outside since the day I came here. Bant asked Jinn if I was allowed to. He was fine with it. He wouldn't have had time for me, as he had to train Anakin. The boy was his Padawan after all.

First we went to the marketplace. It was a bit too crowded to my liking.

At one of the stands I see something that catches my eyes. I stay behind. Bant is talking to our companions, Reeft and Garen, so she doesn't notice. It's a blue crystal, beautiful. A faint voice in my head says it's exactly the colour of Jinn's eyes. I ignore it. I buy the crystal (Jinn has given me some credits, just enough for the crystal, even though he meant it for something to eat) and put it in one of the pockets in my cloak. I look up and find I've lost sight of Bant, Garen and Reeft.

I feel someone approaching me. The force sensing lessons did pay of a bit. I turn around. Before I can react, I'm held and a needle is pressed to my neck. I hear a familiar voice say. "This time you'll disappear forever." And then it's dark.

I wake up in a small, dark room. Mace Windu is sitting in front of me. I was right that it was a familiar voice. But I was surprised he did such a thing. He could let someone do it, but he did it himself. A second man enters the room. He is older than me, but younger than Windu with long black hair. I've seen him before. He's in some of my dreams. When he's around, it's always scary. "Xanatos."

"Interesting. Mace, I thought you said he didn't remember anything."

"He's just starting to. So I figured we had to get him out of the Temple as so as possible. He could tell them what happened two and a half years ago. Jinn will probably find out you were behind all of it. And along the way he will notice I'm involved too. I can't have that. Without Obi-Brat here I can have Qui-Gon."

"Quiet. The boy doesn't need to know everything!"

"Oh, that doesn't matter. He can't do anything. His mental power you so fear are almost all gone. He's in class with eleven-year-olds." The both laugh at this. They're nasty laughs.

All right, so you think I'm just a kid, I can't do anything. I'll try and reach Jinn. See how you feel about him when he shows up. //Master Jinn, it's Obi. Help me. Mace and Xanatos...//

Xanatos hits me, I can't concentrate on my message anymore. "O, no no, Obi-Wan. Don't contact your Master."

Before I lose my consciousness, again, I hear //Obi?//

Since my call to Jinn some days have passed. I hear some noise. There's stumbling. Jinn is here. He has found me. And he's not alone. He brought Bant, Reeft and Garen as well and some of his peers. They have captured Windu and Xanatos. Jinn sits down beside me. "Obi, are you all right?" I find I can't speak, so I just nod at him. He picks me up. I'm so happy to see him. I reach up and kiss him. He is surprised I can see it in his eyes, but happily so. Good, the kiss was appreciated.

I know for sure as he presses a kiss on my lips as well. I feel I'm blushing. I try to speak. "Yes, I'm fine, Qui-Gon."

He's been telling me to stop calling him Jinn. This is the first time I called him Qui-Gon. He likes it. "Well, are we staying here? I'd rather leave this place."

Qui-Gon laughs "All right, all right, we're leaving, oh impatient one."

I fall asleep in his arms. I've never felt safer.

Back home. Home?

Yes the temple really is home. Qui-Gon tells he found me by my Force signature. I was only guarded by Xanatos and Windu. They had never connected them with each other. After my fight with Windu, Qui-Gon had kept a closer eye on him. He noticed Windu left the temple a lot. This was not normal behaviour for the councillor. So, Qui's suspicion was roused. But without proof he couldn't do a thing. Then Bant came back saying I was gone. She knew I was looking forward to our outing and could believe I just left. They waited a while, and then Qui-Gon heard my call.

Windu was not only behind this disappearance. He also organised my first disappearance to get me away from Qui-Gon. Xanatos was glad to help. In exchange for his help, Windu wouldn't tell the Council Xanatos was still around. Thus was the cooperation between them founded.

I'm happy. I may not have all my memories, but they're coming back. I've the best friends someone can have. And best of all, I have Qui-Gon.