First Session

by KatBear

Title: First Session
Author: KatBear (katbear@cox.net)
Archive: MA
Category: AR
Rating: NC17 for explicit sexual activity
Pairing: Q/O (Quilan Finn/Ben Kennan)
Feedback: Appreciated.
Thanks: To the beta readers who made this a better story (Merry Amelie, Bonny Magret). All mistakes are my own.
Summary: First Tai Chi session after the long-awaited consummation.
Warnings: If male-male sex bothers you, you shouldn’t be here.
Spoilers: None, alternate reality set in 21st century Earth in fictional part of the western U.S.
Notes: 1. The primary setting is not based on any actual specific real location or persons but is a composite of possible geography, town features, transplanted state university, etc. 2. The federal agencies mentioned are real but liberties have been taken with some policies, practices and job duties. 3. This is the third story in the Master's Voice series.

Master's Voice
MV2 – Honeymoon
MV3 – First Session

Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing with them.

In the early evening dusk, Ben motored carefully through the inch of snow on the long driveway. A smile lit his face when he saw the battered pickup in the carport, then he looked more closely as he stopped to open the garage door.

"Looks like Qui has been busy today," Ben muttered to himself, "already put new walls on the carport and fixed its roof." He shrugged and put Myrna away.

Dexy and Delilah eagerly greeted him as Ben passed through the laundry room so he stopped to pet them before going into the kitchen.

"Smells good tonight," Ben said as he took an appreciative sniff.

"Pot roast with vegetables," Jane said absently as she stood at the sink washing some stray pans and plates. "Be ready in about a half hour."

"Okay, thanks. I'll be back up to set the table."

"Ben, do you think you'll have some time this weekend to help me with calculus?" asked Rafa, putting a finger in the textbook on the kitchen table to hold her place. "We've got a test coming up and I still can't figure out some of the things in the last chapter."

"Sure, no problem. I'm off Sunday if that works for you."

"Sunday after lunch would be great, if you don't mind," Rafa said.

"It's a date." Ben smiled and turned for the stairs. His smile got wider the closer he got to the basement. He paused in the doorway to watch a moment as Qui sat at the table concentrating on replacing the windings of a snowshoe.

Qui looked up from his task, the slow grin reflecting the light in his eyes. He barely had time to stand up and take a step before his breath whooshed out from the impact of Ben jumping into his arms and wrapping him in a tight hug.

"Missed you," Ben murmured, grabbing Qui's head and pulling him down for a long, deep kiss. "Ahhh, needed that."

"Missed you, too." Qui laughed, then picked up his mate and plonked them both down on the couch for a cuddle. "If that's your reaction after less than one day, though, I'm not sure I'm going to survive a week or two apart."

"I don't think I'll be able to," Ben murmured as he crawled into Qui's lap, his knees straddling his lover's hips, "but I'll worry about that later." He dove in for another kiss, then settled down to snuggle into his lover.

They held each other quietly for several minutes, occasionally kissing, enjoying the warmth of their closeness.

"So how was your first day back at work?" Qui asked, slowly rubbing a hand up and down Ben's back.

"Alright, I suppose." Ben shrugged off the question and tried to maneuver in to nibble Qui's earlobe.

"Anything wrong?" Qui frowned and pushed Ben away to arm's length. "You're usually pretty happy about your job."

"Hey, I like my job," Ben said, his tone defensive. He looked away, hesitated. "It's just…" He sighed as he thought about his real problem that day.

"Talk to me, Ben," Qui said, firmly rebuffing his lover's attempt to get closer.

"I didn't… I mean…" Ben squirmed a little. "Dammit, it was harder than I thought it was going to be to get back into it. I found out the hard way I had a problem when I was first falling in love with you, when I believed all I had was a hopeless dream. I was certain I had figured out how to separate that part of my life and keep my emotions from interfering with my job, but today…" He waved a hand helplessly. "I kept thinking about you instead of the work. I couldn't stop seeing you… feeling you. The new part-time guy, Gordy Taylor, asked me if I had a hot girlfriend 'cause he said I was looking kind of goofy." He stopped and hung his head. "I even screwed up a simple little thing like counting some of the supplies for an inventory update, something I should have been able to do in my sleep, and my boss caught it." Ben bit his lower lip, then looked up. "I guess I've got to relearn how to get my head out of my ass and concentrate."

"If you did it once, you can do it again," said Qui. "Sounds like 'tis a very good thing we've got a session tonight so you can work on focusing." He stood up, almost dropping Ben on the floor before he caught the young man's arm.

"I'm not sure it's really such a good idea," replied Ben doubtfully. "I don't know if I'm up to it yet. I truly am finding it difficult to think of you as anything but my lover."

"That's as it may be, but I know how to make the distinction and I can guarantee that a boot up your arse will dislodge your head," said Qui cheerfully, "or else leave a hell of a bruise. Either way, I'll be getting your attention off your current problem and reminding you that we've both different parts to our lives."

"You don't sound very sympathetic." Ben let his face droop into a mock pout, then wrinkled his nose. "I thought you loved me."

"I've got loads of sympathy, but I also love you enough to be kicking your arse when you're needing it." Qui grinned and playfully punched Ben's arm. "Now come on, boyo, I'm hungry and I expect dinner's about ready by now. Besides, I think it's your turn to set the table tonight."

Ben watched as Qui practically trotted up the stairs, then shook his head before slowly following to carry out his chore. Although he had tried to turn a potential whine into a joke, his uncertainty about his readiness to resume their strict lessons was nagging at the back of his mind.

The air in the old barn had a definite chill, but was still decidedly warmer than outdoors. Cel stuck her head through the open half door to her stall, a long streamer of hay hanging from her mouth as she stared at the two men in the middle of the floor.

"We'll have more room here than in the house," said Qui. He quirked an eyebrow, "Unless you'd rather do this in the yard, of course."

"No, no, this is fine," said Ben hastily, who was certain the hardy ranger would happily work outside if he gave him the slightest encouragement. He was glad he had worn a heavy sweatshirt over his t-shirt.

Qui's lips twitched as if he knew exactly what Ben was thinking, but his mien quickly turned serious. "It's been a while since we've had a formal session, so we'll be reviewing some basics tonight." He moved to the center of the floor. "Are you ready to begin?"

"I suppose so." Ben hesitated, chewing on the inside of his cheek, trying to still his uneasiness about his ability to deal with this aspect of their relationship.

"We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it," Qui said softly.

"No, I want to." Ben took a deep breath, then walked over to stand opposite Qui. He bowed, "Good evening, Sifu." When he straightened and looked up, it was clear he was no longer facing his lover, and Ben had another moment of doubt.

"Good evening, Sidai." Cool blue eyes raked the student, measuring his readiness. "We shall start with stretching."

"Yes, Sifu."

The two men spent a good ten minutes doing slow stretches. Qui then directed several minutes of breathing drills before allowing Ben to start the square form under his critical eye.

"Remember, stay centered, breathe in and down," said Qui quietly as he moved around to observe the exercise.

Ben was working hard on trying to stay focused and allowed himself a small feeling of satisfaction at his success. Unfortunately his peace was blown away by a hot flash of lust when Qui moved close and used his hands to correct small imperfections in his stance. He involuntarily moved into the pressure on his shoulders in a vain attempt for more contact.

"Stop!"

The chilly air was not doing much to relieve the flush that swept up Ben's neck and manifested itself in two bright spots on his cheeks.

"You are neither centered nor concentrating," admonished Qui. "Give me twenty-five fast pushups in proper form."

"Yes, Sifu." Ben immediately dropped and began doing pushups as quickly as he could, his gaze riveted on the floor. He waited silently after he finished, listening to the footsteps that circled him.

"Are you ready to continue, Sidai?"

"Yes, Sifu."

"Up and assume the starting position."

Ben jumped to his feet, took a moment to compose himself; after Qui's nod, he began the exercise again.

The precise movements needed for the square form helped take Ben's attention away from the presence that orbited around him. Step by step, position by position, he kept a steady rhythm all the way to the final graceful exit. Ben took a slow, deep breath as he looked toward his teacher.

"Not too bad, but you need to stop flapping your arms about like a bloody great bird."

"Yes, Sifu."

"The square form requires precision and grace. Do it again at half speed, and remember to stay centered."

"Yes, Sifu." A touch of irritation roughened Ben's voice, but he pushed it aside and moved to the first position.

As the exercise progressed, Ben had to firmly remind himself that he wanted this and that the discipline was good for him. The slow pace seemed to make it easier for his teacher to find flaws and more difficult for the student to treat the hands-on corrections impersonally. He caught himself making mistakes, no longer sure if it wasn't an unconscious ploy for more of those enticing touches.

"Sidai."

The flat tone did not bode well for Ben's short-term sense of well-being. He hesitated halfway through his move, then stopped altogether.

"Yes, Sifu?"

"You've made the same mistake three times and your mind seems to be wandering somewhere far from here. Are you listening to me?"

"Of course I'm listening."

"Let me rephrase, Sidai – are you hearing what I've been trying to tell you?"

"That doesn't make any sense. What are you talking about?" scowled Ben.

"Your attitude is neither appropriate nor conducive to proper attainment of inner harmony, Sidai."

Ben stood with legs apart and arms folded across his chest. "So what is it I'm supposed to be doing?" He shot a glare over his shoulder as Cel snorted disdainfully before retreating into her stall.

"Learning to pay attention to your center." Qui let a hint of exasperation into his tone. "Obviously push-ups did not accomplish that, so you are going to do five repetitions of a different exercise. Lie on your back on the ground with your legs up."

"Now that's my kind of exercise," Ben cracked, a lopsided grin on his face. "But you must have had an extra big shot of vitamin E if we're going to do it five times."

The atmosphere turned glacial and the look in Quilan Finn's eyes could have turned molten lava to ice.

"Ten repetitions," said Qui quietly. "And you will notify me immediately if you injure yourself."

Shit, shit, shit, Ben thought to himself, I think I just stepped in it big time. He swallowed. This does not sound good.

"Whenever you are ready, Sidai." Qui stared at his student, his face expressionless.

"Um, yes, Sifu." Ben quickly laid himself down with his legs straight up.

"This is a slow six count exercise, Sidai. On the count of one, you will lower your legs to between one and two feet above the floor. On two, you will extend your legs apart sideways as far as you can, keeping them parallel to the ground, then on three bring them back together. Four and five are a repetition of two and three, while on the count of six you will return your legs to the vertical position." Qui moved to stand near Ben's head. "Remember, this is no different than doing your Tai Chi forms. At all times you should maintain awareness of your body, letting your center control your movements. Unless you have any questions, you may begin. Stay with my count."

"Yes, Sifu." Ben took a deep breath, shifted his hands out for better balance, and started.

It took only a few repetitions for Ben to understand Qui's comment about possibly injuring himself. The count was torturously slow and his middle was the only thing on Ben's mind as he strained to keep his legs moving under his teacher's eagle eye, although he doubted it was the type of centering Qui had had in mind.

"Lower," Qui barked on the fourth set. "Keep your legs down and straight when you extend them."

By the seventh set Ben's abdominal muscles were screaming at him, while he cursed himself for his inability to resist that stupid smart-alecky remark.

On the ninth set Ben was gasping for breath, his fists clenched, his head back as he grimly hung on, determined to finish.

"And ten. You may lower your legs now."

Ben let his lower limbs drop; he sucked in deep breaths as he clutched his stomach.

"Owww," moaned Ben.

Qui knelt down and put a hand on Ben's stomach. "Are you hurt?"

"I don't think so." Ben shook his head. "It's just sore. I guess I haven't been doing nearly enough sit-ups."

"It will feel worse tomorrow, so be careful." On that cheery note, Qui shifted around to reach under Ben's shoulders and haul him to his feet.

Feeling a bit shaky, Ben stood waiting to see what his next instructions would be, doubts creeping in once more about why he was doing this.

"Sidai, look at me." Qui stood about four feet in front of his student.

Ben tilted his head back.

"You have the physical skills to do Tai Chi, Sidai, but I'm not certain that you're truly grasping the philosophy of Tai Chi."

"I don't think I understand, Sifu." Ben shifted his weight impatiently, by now wanting to just get this session over with, but mindful of keeping his words respectful. "I thought I was getting better."

"Better is a relative term," said Qui. "Progress in executing the movements is one thing, and that is good, but the purpose of them is to provide a focus to help you attain a state of mental calm and clarity. You want to pull your energy into your center; the breathing helps you to do that. Then you can use that energy, your mind, your breathing and your focus, to feel the flow, the connection of mind and body, and let all distractions fall away."

Qui took a step closer. "I was watching you during that exercise and it seemed to me that you were simply trying to power through with your legs and stomach muscles alone." He shook his head. "Do you feel not even a hint of something inside? I know we've only been doing this less than six months, but have I not been able to teach you anything at all of the inner harmony that I have tried to make so much a part of my life?"

There was a long silence.

Ben looked down, not able to meet the disappointment lurking in Qui's eyes. "I guess I would have to say… not very much." He paused. "There have been some moments, especially when we were doing the smooth form together, but overall… no."

There was another silence.

"Do you trust me enough to let me try something, Sidai?"

"Of course," Ben nodded.

"Assume the starting position, close your eyes, and just work on centering and breathing," said Qui softly.

Feet slightly apart, arms at his side, Ben worked at calming his thoughts. He started a bit when he felt moderate pressure from fingertips on his temples.

"Relax, keep your eyes closed," murmured Qui. "Don't think… just breathe, slow and steady. Let relaxation flow from your head down to your feet."

Ben followed the instructions, letting his body release lingering tensions bit by bit.

"Feel your breath, feel your heart beat." The low-pitched stream of words continued. "Look inside yourself… no distractions… only the here and now."

Time lost meaning for Ben under the sustained flow of the hypnotic voice and pressure. Deeper and deeper he sank into a well of warm, velvety blackness, freed from the agitations of the physical world.

"There is only here… there is only now… there is only the essence of you," whispered Qui. "Can you feel the focus inside?"

"Yes." The word sighed from Ben's lips.

"I want you to keep your eyes closed and stay focused," came Qui's low-voiced directions. "When you are ready, do the Yang 24 round form at whatever speed makes you comfortable."

Ben shifted as the soothing pressure slipped from his skin, a barely heard whimper of loss escaping.

"I'm here, Sidai. I won't let you fall."

A long, slow breath sounded loud in Ben's ears. Molecules of air drifted slowly down his throat to his belly as Ben let his body absorb the starting position. A brief moment of indecision held him motionless, then Ben simply let go and allowed his center to launch into the exercise.

Arms moved, legs turned and his body traveled across the floor in the ancient dance, but Ben felt detached, as if watching himself from a distance. He worked only at staying nestled in the soft warm center and let his physical being do what it would. Niceties of form were only a stray thought; when he stumbled there was always a strong arm to keep him upright and safe. Eventually Ben reached the final form and came to rest. Another long, slow breath, eyes blinking as light returned, and a soft sigh.

"How are you, Sidai?" Qui stood a scant few feet away, hands at his sides.

"Good, Sifu, very good." Ben nodded his head. "That was quite a… remarkable experience."

"Do you wish to discuss it?"

Ben considered the question for a moment. "I think I need to take some time to understand this first," he said as he shook his head.

"As you wish," Qui replied. "We shall conclude with stretches."

The two men finished the session in near silence, then completed their ending ritual before heading back to the house.

Ben sat at the desk in their bedroom, staring sightlessly at the blinking cursor on the screen of his laptop computer. Qui had disappeared upstairs after they came in, so Ben had intended to send an email to his sister. His mind had quickly begun wandering, however, with thoughts of his woes at work that day competing with images of the evening's activities.

"Thought you might be wanting a little something."

"Hmm?" Ben shook himself and turned his chair.

"Brought you some hot cocoa." Qui handed over a steaming mug, then took his own cup and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks."

The two men sat in silence for a few minutes. They slowly sipped their chocolate, each seemingly absorbed in his own thoughts.

Ben drained his mug and set it on the desk. He hesitated, took a deep breath, and finally spoke, "Qui, I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me."

Qui reared his head back and stared. "What the bloody hell are you nattering on about?"

"Well, I've been thinking about how I acted today," Ben said. He shook his head, tilting it sideways. "I know you said you don't like it if I'm too needy, too fixated on you, and I couldn't focus properly during the session or at work because I kept wanting you… I just thought… you know…"

"Bollocks!" Qui put his cup down on the nightstand. "I love you, ya eejit. That also means I aim to keep helping you with the things you first came to me about, if that's what you're really wanting. Let's start with the session tonight, for example. That is an area of my life I can't and won't compromise if you're serious about the teaching, but I was making a particular effort to be impartial, trying to emphasize the different roles we need to have in session. It was pretty obvious to me that you felt uncomfortable and distracted, so I have to ask you again if you're sure you want to continue?"

"I was having problems, but I definitely want to continue. What I felt, there at the end, was incredible, so peaceful… it was like a glimpse of what struck me the first time I saw you doing Tai Chi. That was a large part of what pushed me into trying to get you to teach me." Ben smiled sheepishly. "Aside from just wanting to get to know you better in general, of course." He paused. "Could I ask how long it took you to be able to achieve that kind of focus for a whole exercise?"

"I'm glad to hear you want to keep going. Sticking with it for the long haul won't be easy, but I think you'll find it worthwhile in the end. As for me, I felt it a little at a time, getting closer over many months." Qui stopped for a moment, slowly nodded. "One day out in the forest it all came together, and I've just kept working at it ever since. I've found that Tai Chi truly is a moving meditation and helps me release the stress and problems of life."

"I guess I'll just have to keep plugging away, if you'll have me." Ben let a wisp of a wistful smile flit over his face.

"Now you're just fishing for sympathy, boyo." Qui grinned. "I'm willing to indulge you tonight, though, if it will make you feel better." His expression turned serious. "I don't think you're being too needy right now, Ben."

"But it seems I can't stop thinking about you." Frustration was clear in Ben's voice. "I feel like I've got some kind of obsession that I can't control, and I need to learn how to get my head together again."

"Listen to me, Ben." Qui left the bed and knelt in front of his lover, letting his hands rest lightly on Ben's thighs. "What is happening to you right now is one of the most incredible things you will ever experience in your life. The first flush of new love is like a bonfire that seems to consume you, a wonderful exhilaration that you don't want to let go of." He smiled wryly. "I feel it too, so I understand what you're going through, and I do sympathize. I've been there before, though, so don't worry, it doesn't last."

"Are you saying that I'm going to stop loving you?" Ben grabbed one of Qui's hands, his eyes wide.

"No, not at all," Qui said soothingly. "But love changes over time. In the beginning it's hot and blazing, but true love grows stronger and deeper if you nurture it. Our challenge is to help it grow, to work with each other to get past problems and keep our love strong." Qui shifted Ben's palm to rest over his own heart, then slipped his other hand under his lover's shirt to rest it over Ben's heart. "Love is like building a strong house; you need a strong foundation for both that binds us together while still allowing each of us to grow as individuals." He pressed a little harder with his fingers. "I will always be there, inside your heart, just as you are inside mine. If you remember that, and believe that, it will give you the security to help you learn to focus on other things in your life when you need to or want to."

"Do you mean it's like having a common foundation but moving to another room in the house when you need to do something different?" asked Ben slowly, his brows knitted as he wrestled with this new concept.

"That's an excellent way to think of it." Qui smiled in approval. "For example, when you're at work, you go in that room and close the door so you can give your full attention to your job. Our love is still there, waiting, when you finish one thing and want to come back." He lifted Ben's hand and kissed it softly. "Just like I hope you'll always be there waiting for me."

"I will." Ben leaned forward to touch his forehead to Qui's. "You can count on that." Ben started to lean even further to claim a kiss when a twinge in his belly caused him to wince. "Oww!"

"Sorry, but it's going to be feeling even worse tomorrow," said Qui with a small squeeze of Ben's hand.

"It's alright, that was my own fault for being a smartass when I shouldn't have been." Ben sat back in his chair.

"Let me at least do something for that." Qui glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "We're both working tomorrow so 'tis high time we were getting to bed, but I've got some liniment that should help. You can use the bathroom first while I find it."

Ten minutes later, Ben was lying stretched out naked on the side of the bed closest to the wall. The covers were pulled down below his feet and only the single light on the nightstand was on. Ben's hands were behind his head, his eyes half closed as he waited.

"Right, here we go." Qui stopped near the bed and tossed a towel onto his pillow; in his left hand he held a large brown bottle. He stood for a moment as a lopsided smile lit his face. "Now that's a lovely sight, indeed it is."

"Mmhhmm." Ben trailed the tip of his tongue along his upper lip as he let his gaze travel down his lover's long torso. "My sentiments exactly."

"First things first, my boy," laughed Qui. "And I don't think we want to be doing anything too exuberant until those stomach muscles have had a chance for a proper rest."

Ben pouted a bit as his mate lay down beside him and poured a generous amount of the thick liquid into his hand. He was pleasantly surprised by the minty odor as Qui began rubbing the fluid into the skin of his belly. Ben was content to surrender to Qui's ministrations, and was soon purring under Qui's tender massage of his middle.

"Doing alright?" Qui asked quietly several minutes later.

"Yeah, pisser," mumbled Ben sleepily. "Felt cool and tingly going on, but it's nice and warm now."

"Good." Qui smiled as he felt Ben's hand slipping over to fondle his genitals. "Looks like your stomach is not the only thing that's warm." He continued his broad strokes up and down Ben's belly, letting his hand slip lower as he leaned over to nibble Ben's ear.

"That feels even better." Ben turned his head to meet Qui's lips, welcoming the questing tongue in for a long, slow exploration.

Hands roamed across flesh as the two men shifted to lie face to face. There was no urgency as fingers returned again and again to caress gradually filling organs.

Skin to skin they warmed each other with soft kisses and tender touches. Faces, nipples, sides and flanks all received a share of attention as their pleasure steadily grew.

Ben moaned as their embrace tightened and their hands brought hard cocks together. He gasped when Qui's huge paw circled both erections and held them. Ben took advantage of the situation and used his own hands to grab his lover's hips, trusting to Qui to handle the close work.

"Oh, yeah," Ben groaned as he began pumping his hips. Hot blood coursed through him, roaring in his ears as the pace quickly accelerated.

Back and forth, sweet friction shooting spikes of electricity through their guts, musky smell of sex mingling with the lingering odor of liniment.

Faster… faster still… hips jerking… breath hitching. A final moan, a grunt as bodies stiffened in orgasm, then relaxed in completion.

"Nice," Ben murmured as he felt a towel swiping across his groin and up his middle. He turned on his side, already drowsing. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Qui smiled tenderly as he turned off the light and drew up the covers. He pulled Ben close, softly running a thumb along his mate's cheek in the darkness. "Sleep well, my love."

finis