ARCHIVE: M_A only please.
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Romance, POV
PAIRING: Q/O
WARNINGS: Only that there will be more sentimental stuff
coming soon.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, they belong to George Lucas and he is
the only One making money with them.
SUMMARY: First realizations of love.
NOTES: This is my answer to the Foreplay Challenge issued not
so long ago.
It started so simply. Just the touch of your fingers brushing
against mine as you took the lightsaber I was handing you. We
have touched thousands of times and yet, this time, it was so
completely different. Your fingers touched mine for a bit
longer than necessary, your eyes looked into mine for several
seconds, but to me, that look lasted an eternity. The other
Masters and Padawans training in the same hall with us seemed
to just disappear, their voices suddenly silent. All I could
see was you, all I could hear was the the beating of your
heart. I was blinded, but inside my mind everything was crystal
clear, I was deaf, but for the first time, I could hear the
things that you had never said to me.
And then, you took your hand away and turned your head. I was
too shocked to say anything and I'm afraid I wasn't a very good
teacher for you that day. I finally decided to end our daily
training and you bowed and walk towards the showers without a
word.
But words weren't necessary, I had seen the truth in that
fleeting moment of clarity. You love me. You are in love with
me. I knew you loved me as your Master and as your friend, but
I never thought you might love me as a man. And that knowledge
makes me feel so many different things at once. You see, I
already knew the love I feel for you goes beyond the love a
Master has for his Padawan, I already had come to terms with
the fact that I,Qui-Gon Jinn, am in love with you, Obi-Wan
Kenobi.
But I believed, wrongly I see now, that you could never fall
in love with me. I thought of every possible reason for this. I
told myself that I was too old, too cynical, too inflexible,
that I could never give you the passion and tenderness you
deserve. I should have remembered that love is blind and
it tends to ignore every reason why it should not be felt. Or
perhaps it was just the will of the Force.
And now I'm scared. Yes I, a Jedi Master, scared. I want to go
to you and tell you how I feel, I want to take you in my arms
and make love to you, but I don't know if this would be the
best thing for me to do. We have been friends for a long time
and I don't want to lose that. When two people are as close as
you and I, there are two things that could happen if we were to
become lovers: we could form a life-long bond and love one
another immensely, or we could end hating each other immensely
. I can have everything I have dreamed of or I could lose the
Padawan I respect and my closest friend.
But fear has always been the greatest enemy of the Jedi, so I
will fight my fear and find a way to make this work,I will tell
you how much I love you and I will try to be worthy of the love
you have for me.
You came in and found me kneeling in the middle of the common
room.I had taken a shower earlier and then I meditated for the
rest of the afternoon. I was now sure of how to tell you about
my feelings for you.
You didn't want to disturb my meditation so you quietly walked
towards your bedchamber, but my words stopped you.
"Obi-Wan",I used your name instead of calling you Padawan
because what I was going to tell you had nothing to do with our
status as Master and Apprentice. I was simply a man in love,
confessing his feelings to the person who provoked such love.
"Obi-Wan please join me", I was surprised to hear the calmness
in my voice, I had been sure I would sound nervous and
confused.
You walked towards me and gracefully dropped to the floor,
kneeling in front of me, your hands folded in your lap. I
reached for you and, gently, took one of your elegant hands in
mine, my eyes looking straight into yours, which for a moment
looked uncertain, but you quickly regained your composure. My
Padawan, always so serious .
I slowly lifted your hand to my lips and kissed it reverently,
the softness of your skin was a wonderful discovery, the taste
of you, even in that short moment, intoxicating. You gasped
softly but didn't withdraw your hand nor said anything, so I
started to speak, still holding your hand.
"Obi-Wan there is something I must tell you, something I known
for a long time but that, until this morning, I had thought
better to be left unsaid. I don't know how to say this with
pretty words, but I will say it honestly . I love you Obi-Wan.
I am in love with you and if you love me as I think you do,
please, tell me now. If you don't, just say it and I promise
you I will never speak of this again". I waited for your answer
anxiously, my hands began to tremble a little and just then I
felt the strong grip of the hand I held and then you took both
my hands firmly in yours, lifting them to your lips. You kissed
them, first my right, then my left, you kissed my big, callused
hands as if they were the most precious of things.
And you smiled at me, it was the most beautiful smile I have
ever seen. You looked into my eyes and said those simple and
glorious words I so wanted to hear you say.
"I love you Qui-Gon".
We stayed like that for a long time, kneeling in front of each
other, our hands entwined, smiling happily.
It started with a simple touch and tonight it ended with just
that. The two of us, touching each other for the first time as
something more than Master and Apprentice. Our first touch as
lovers. I hope there will be many others.
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