Finding Peace

by elfin (elfin@burble.com)

Homepage: http://www.sundive.co.uk/

Rating: PG (at the moment)

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Obi/Qui

Archive: MA

Spoilers: for Phantom Menace, none for Attack of the Clones

Summary: Qui-Gon returns from a year's sabbatical to claim his heart's desire

Disclaimers: Everyone and everything belongs to George Lucas, or so I've heard

Yoda looked up, from the view beyond the window of the temple, to the tall man who had stopped at his side.

"Good to see you, it is."

The tall man - Jedi master - smiled down.

"Good to be back, it is." He received a sharp whack on his ankle with the short Jedi's cane. "Apologies."

"Accepted. Well, you are?"

"Yes, Master."

"Good." A small smile touched the grey lips as Yoda felt the other man's thoughts wandering. "In the grotto he is. Well he is. Happy to see you he will be."

In comparison to the grandeur of the temple, the grottos were simplicity itself. Each had an inner chamber of smooth, white stone walls, curving to a concave ceiling. And an outer chamber that was a walkway by way of which entrance was gained, and privacy for those who had sought peace and quiet inside was provided from the gardens in which the grottos nested.

Since coming to the temple as Qui-Gon's padawan leaner, Obi-Wan had often take shelter from the harsh Jedi life in the grotto furthest from the temple. Over the years he had learned that although Jedi were to seek comfort in the most uncomfortable of places, resourcefulness was also a valued trait. The stone benches were suitable for those needing an escape from distractions in which to meditate.

For a knight wishing only to seek an hour's peace in which to read a text, he saw nothing wrong with taking in some cushions.

He lay stretched out along one of the stone benches, five cushions beneath him. On the other three benches around the wall of the inner chamber, candles burned. All shapes and sizes, their amber flames flickering in the cold, keeping the dark of the Coruscant evening at bay.

This flickering was the only movement in the grotto as Obi-Wan kept the text pad hovering above him, absolutely still, with skilled use of the living force.

At times like this, Obi-Wan found a rare peace, with himself, with the force and the universe in general. He'd know if danger or darkness was close by and so he was simply able to be at one with his surroundings.

Movement in the outer chamber disturbed the eddies in the air and every candle flame danced. Obi-Wan reached up, taking the pad into his hand dropping it carefully to the ground as he sat up.

It was rare to be disturbed in the grottos. Time away from the duties of the Jedi and the demands of the temple was recognised as being as important as the missions and the training.

Obi-Wan reached into the force to identify his visitor. But before the answer came back to him, a wonderfully familiar face peered around the wall separating the outer and inner chambers.

"If Yoda caught you with those cushions...."

He was on his feet in a second. "Qui-Gon...." He breathed his ex-master's name as he stepped into the circle of those strong arms.

The embrace tightened around him as he returned it with equal strength.

"How I've missed you, my Padawan."

Obi-Wan tilted his face up, feeling his master's beard against his cheek. "I've missed you too, my Master." And he had, more than those words belayed.

They stood for a time, happy to be together again after more than twelve months apart. Finally, Obi-Wan remembered his Padawan manners and stepped back, offering his master a seat.

Qui-Gon sat down smiling, and Obi-Wan joined him, seating himself cross-legged next to the other man, facing him.

"How is Naboo?" he asked, wanting to know everything that had happened since their own defeat of the Sith Lord and the success removing the Trade Federation from that beautiful planet's rule.

"Peaceful, now. Queen Amidala sends her deepest regards and hopes you are well."

Obi-Wan smiled slightly, watching the candlelight as it danced it his master's eyes. "I am well, and I return her greeting." He felt the next question before it was asked.

"And Anakin?"

"Your Chosen One is doing fine," he teased gently, and received a swipe across his leg for his trouble. "Really. His abilities and speed of learning impress all his teachers."

"He has the best master he could hope for," Qui-Gon told his ex-Padawan with pride.

"Because I had the best teacher?" There was a twinkle in Obi-Wan's bright blue eyes. "He is a scamp to keep up with. I know he's been sneaking out to the Garbage Pit races...." Qui-Gon's eyebrows escalated an inch. "As if I was never guilty of escaping the temple now and again."

"Only into the city, Obi-Wan, never to anywhere as dangerous as those pit races! They're awful! They...." The flow of words stopped as Obi-Wan touched a finger to Qui-Gon's lips.

"Ssh. We agreed that I was to train the boy in my own way, remember?"

Qui-Gon nodded, and as his pursed lips turned up into a smile, he pressed a kiss against the finger still touching him.

Obi-Wan drew it back, surprised by his master's gesture. "So what does bring you back? And will it mean that I don't see you while you're here?" When Qui-Gon didn't answer, he prompted him, "Master?"

With a small sigh, Qui-Gon lifted his hand to rest on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "I've discovered something missing from my life," he murmured, holding his padawan's steady gaze. Obi-Wan leaned forward, dropping his head gently against the robed shoulder.

The hand on his shoulder slid around to rest at the back of his neck, the fingers combing into the hair there, now about as long all around as his padawan ponytail had been a year before. The fingers of Qui-Gon's other hand pulled a somewhat longer lock of hair over Obi-Wan's shoulder to smooth it against his chest.

"Your padawan braid."

"No longer a braid," Obi-Wan murmured.

"It is tradition to cut it off," his master reminded him, without a hint of chastising.

"I like it."

He knew, somehow, that Qui-Gon liked it too. "I always loved the way that candlelight put amber hints in your hair, the same way that the moon makes it shine." Obi-Wan listened to the poetic words, his surprise growing. Qui-Gon wasn't one for sentimentality.

"What is it that you've found your life to be lacking, Master?" he asked quietly, not sure that he wanted to know.

"Companionship, Obi-Wan."

"But the Jedi are never alone."

Qui-Gon rested his cheek against the top of Obi-Wan's head, softly breathing in the young man who was more familiar to him than his own reflection.

"Perhaps companionship was the wrong word. Maybe... 'love' is better."

Obi-Wan sat up slowly. Qui-Gon's hand moved down his back, tracing the smooth curve of his spine under the Jedi robes, coming to rest above the small of Obi-Wan's back.

"Love? I thought... you always said that didn't have time for a relationship, that it would detract from your duties as a Jedi."

Qui-Gon gave a little wry smile. "I said that, did I?" He shook his head, berating himself. "I've said a lot of silly things in my time, Obi. I do hope you won't hold them all against me."

"I hold nothing against you." He was mildly shocked that his master would think that he did. "That is why you've come to Coruscant then? To seek a lover?"

Qui-Gon glanced over at the flickering candles, his head tilting to one side. "No. I believed I've already found a lover. I've come to Coruscant to ask them to bond with me."

Obi-Wan gasped softly. "To... bond?" He too took a sudden interest in the burning candles across from them. "That's... that's a big step, Master." Suddenly the prospect of losing his master to days of council meetings seemed nothing compared to the thought of losing him to a life-long bond with another.

After a few seconds of silence, Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon's fingers against his chin and his head was angled to look into those big, hopeful eyes. A moment later, Qui-Gon's lips were touching his own.

It took a little time for him to work out what was happening here, and what the previous conversation had actually meant.

Qui-Gon sat back, unable to help the smile on his face at his padawan's expression. "Every day I see happy couples in the streets of Naboo. Lovers holding hands, newly-weds smiling sickeningly into one another's eyes. I found myself becoming maudlin at the sight. At first I dismissed it, but as time went on I realised that I was missing out on something wonderful. And you know how I do hate to miss out on things."

"Oh, yes. I know." Obi-Wan gazed at his master, knowing that they'd loved each other for too long and not spoken of it. Before... when he'd been Qui-Gon's apprentice, it hadn't been appropriate. He'd hoped that maybe, once he'd been knighted... but then Anakin had come along and he'd realised it wasn't to be.

After the Sith Lord had been defeated, Amidala had asked the council that a Jedi be permanently stationed on Naboo for a time, and for reasons that neither had understood then, nor understood now, Yoda had nominated Qui-Gon to stay. His only choice then had been to persuade Obi-Wan to train Anakin.

Reluctantly, and for his own complicated reasons that he didn't like to think about, Obi-Wan had agreed.

"Qui-Gon," he started, finally, "we can't. What of Anakin? What would happen to our bond if you and I...?"

A part of him hoped that Qui-Gon would already have worked out a counter-argument, and was sorely disappointed when his master's head dropped. "You're right, of course, my Padawan. Your training bond must take priority over my geriatric fantasies."

But big fingers still combed through his long lock of unbraided hair.

Leaning forward, Obi-Wan didn't need to speak as Qui-Gon sensed his intentions and met him halfway.

The kiss wasn't about passion or desire.

Obi-Wan sucked gently on Qui-Gon's bottom lip, running the very tip of his tongue across it, tasting his master for the first time.

In Qui-Gon's mind, a quiet place that had once been bright with the sound of his padawan's laughter, sparked again, and he heard a single word spoken into his head.

//perhaps...//

And then Obi-Wan sat back. "Come back with me. Anakin would love to see you before bed."

Qui-Gon smiled gently and nodded. "And I him."

Unfolding his legs, Obi-Wan stood and moved to blow out the candles. A few moments later, he felt the breath of a kiss on the back of his neck, and then all went dark.