Archive: Master and Apprentice. Anyone else, just write to me
first.
Category: Romance, Humor, Fluff
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Spoilers: passing references to material in the Jedi Apprentice
books
Summary: Obi-Wan makes fevered confessions to Qui-Gon
Feedback: You bet! ghouses@yahoo.com (or this address). I must
apologize to several readers who sent feedback about my first
fic, "Of Value." I managed to delete a folder full of mail, so
some of you didn't get a reply. I'll do better this time
(couldn't do worse).
Disclaimer: err, OK. How about this one? "This story is based
on characters and situations created and owned by Lucasfilm,
Ltd. No money is being made and no infringement is intended." I
read that on the web somewhere and think it sounds nifty.
Note1: My answer to Andromeda's first line challenge.
Note2: The ending is slightly changed here vs. what I posted to
the M_A mailing list. Thanks to Gloriana for encouraging a bit
more detail.
"Eat me, Master."
Qui-Gon sighed. What now? For three days he'd tended Obi-Wan
as his Padawan's temperature regularly spiked and he babbled on
under the influence of various delusions.
"Padawan...?"
"When I die, I want you to eat me so that you may live,
Master."
"Obi-Wan, you're not going to die and I'm not going to
starve."
"Master, I know you're just trying to comfort me. But we're
stranded in this frozen wasteland, and I want my death to have
some meaning. Master Yoda refers to our flesh as just 'crude
matter' housing our spirits. That's the way I feel, Master. If
you can survive, my death will not have been for nothing."
Qui-Gon was amazed at the lucid speeches Obi-Wan was capable
of when he was so completely out of his head. Yes, they were
stranded at the top of a mountain in a frozen wasteland on
Hoth. But they happened to be stranded in a well-stocked, warm
and cozy villa with a rescue ship only 48 hours away. For the
first two days of their enforced stay and Obi-Wan's fever, he
had alternately; apologized for everything he'd ever done wrong
as Qui-Gon's Padawan, apologized for everything he'd ever done
wrong while in the creche before becoming Qui-Gon's Padawan,
and made a compelling case for Qui-Gon to disown him.
During the entire time, Qui-Gon cared for his Padawan the best
he could, coaxing water and some broth into Obi-Wan during
brief bouts of lucidity. Fortunately, Obi-Wan didn't seem to
remember what he'd talked about when his fever was high.
Unfortunately, that meant he often repeated himself when his
fever went back up.
Qui-Gon had no idea that anyone could keep such a complete and
meticulous mental record of their shortcomings. Most of the
things Obi-Wan mentioned he'd either forgotten or never knew
about. Oh, he was aware of Obi-Wan's problems with controlling
his anger and his impetuous nature as a young Padawan, but
Obi-Wan somehow placed these sins in the same category as
filching an extra desert when he was six years old.
Over the course of this day, he'd admitted to having sexual
feelings for Qui-Gon for some time. He then went into
excruciating details about how he tried to sublimate the
feelings, release them into the Force, and meditate them out of
his system. This led to another round of self-deprecation as he
confessed that he had been unsuccessful. In fact, since Obi-Wan
had come of age, he'd apparently been fantasizing about several
scenarios where he seduced Qui-Gon, the specifics of which he
spelled out to his Master. These confessions were followed by
yet another plea that he, Obi-Wan Kenobi, be expelled from the
Jedi order for harboring perverse thoughts.
Qui-Gon knew Obi-Wan wasn't in mortal danger from this
particularly nasty case of Therian Flu, but he hated to see him
suffer. He was skilled at using the Force to heal injuries,
stop internal bleeding and mend bones, but could not effect the
virus causing the disease, and had no medical supplies on hand.
He felt a bit like a voyeur into Obi-Wan's most personal
thoughts, but he couldn't leave his delusional Padawan to
suffer alone.
He also knew he shouldn't feel elation at the bent Obi-Wan's
'confessions' had taken over the past day, but he did. The
young man had so completely endeared himself to Qui-Gon that he
really didn't know when his love for him began to include
physical desire. Qui-Gon just knew that Obi-Wan had him wrapped
around his finger, and wasn't aware of it. He'd taught Qui-Gon
how to love again, how to give of himself, and how to walk
again in the light. It pained him to know that Obi-Wan's
feelings toward him were relegated to the part of his psyche
that counted up his failures, along with being coerced into a
fight with Bruck, staying behind on Melinda/Daan, not paying
attention during briefings, and reading poetry when he was
supposed to be studying for his quantum physics final.
Still, it was a start. But Qui-Gon knew that when Obi-Wan was
well again -- even if he did remember some of the things he'd
said -- he would never bring the subject up with his Master.
And it was inappropriate for Qui-Gon to initiate a relationship
with his own Padawan - even if said Padawan was of age and was
surely the most desirous being ever to grace the Temple halls.
And here he was begging Qui-Gon to 'eat' him. Cannibalism was
the last interpretation Qui-Gon gave to that plea.
Qui-Gon sighed again, and promised his distraught, fevered
Padawan that if it came to it, he would indeed eat him. This
calmed Obi-Wan somewhat, until his next tirade - this time on
the subject of his lack of connection with the Living Force,
and how this would surely prevent him from ever becoming a
Knight. He kept this particular line of reasoning up much
longer than Qui-Gon thought he could, and was still obsessing
on it when the rescue ship arrived and the medic on board ended
his feverish rants with a single hypospray.
Qui-Gon was so grateful for the silence that he slept most of
the way back to Coruscant.
Once there -- after having to explain the mission's failure to
the Council in nearly as much detail as Obi-Wan described
breaking his creche master's favorite vase and trying to use
the Force to put it back together -- Qui-Gon applied himself to
the task of weeding out his Padawan's insecurities and putting
his self-doubts to rest. Obi-Wan never asked Qui-Gon about what
happened during the time he was sick, but when he didn't
protest the many hours of intense meditation and
self-retrospection required of him, Qui-Gon knew he must have
some idea of what happened.
The self-confidence exercises must have worked, was
Qui-Gon's only coherent thought when he returned to their
shared quarters in the Temple after a day of teaching saber
drills to initiates. The lights were down, several candles were
lit, soft music played over the intercom, and Obi-Wan lay on
their couch. Wearing nothing but a sly smile.
"Padawan...?"
"Master, I've been meditating on the subjects you assigned
me." Obi-Wan's skin appeared golden in the soft glow of the
candles.
"Um...that's good, Obi-Wan..."
"I've realized that there are some things I no longer need to
feel disappointment or shame over. They are not failings on my
part at all." Obi-Wan's right hand softly traced the line of
muscles over his flat, bare stomach.
"Err, I see..."
"In fact, my failure was to see them as failures. But I can
put that behind me, if you meant what you promised me on Hoth."
Obi-Wan softly brushed the end of his Padawan braid over his
left nipple.
Qui-Gon was having trouble following the conversation, as it
was cryptic and he was rather distracted by the image in front
of him. A question. He had a question.
"And...what was it I promised?"
Obi-Wan clasped his hands behind his neck and stretched
sinuously, then slightly flexed one knee, the better to
highlight his erection.
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