Fates – Wherever You Will Go

by Leandra

Disclaimer: The fiend in flannel owns Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn. Ben and Quiggs, Seda and Dun, Master Titulus, Lieth and of course Squicky belong to Raina and me. The song "Wherever you will go" is by The Calling.

Category: Q/O, AU, POV, songfic

Rating: PG

Archive: yes please, m_a, nutters inc (nowhere else)

Feedback: nuttersincorporated@hotmail.com

Note: This story is part of a series. The timeline can be found here: http://www.angelfire.com/theforce/nuttersinc/fates_timeline.html

The idea for this fic came to me while I was sitting in a café after university last term. They played the song "Wherever you will go" by The Calling on the radio and I immediately wrote down some of the lyrics into my musebook and called Raina to tell her that I thought this was the perfect song for Quiggs and Ben.

The song said everything those two had to feel, it was like it had been written for the Fates universe. Listen to it, it's a great song.

The dream that had plagued him for almost a year now had come to visit him again and still, every time he woke up, he couldn't remember a thing, only the memory of the dreadful knowledge that he had lost Qui-Gon to something unknown.

He knew for certain that Qui-Gon wasn't dead in his dreams, but he was out of reach, so far out of reach that his sense of his lover was overshadowed by an almost physical obstacle. He was shut out for some unknown reason and between his and Qui-Gon's mind there was a wall, and however hard he tried, he wasn't able to break through to his lover.

The absence of Qui-Gon's soothing presence in his mind made him feel sick and every time he woke up, he reached out with his mind to assure himself that their bond was still intact. Tenderly he reached for the fragile strands of Force and probed into Qui-Gon's mind, reassuring himself that everything was alright, calming himself with the energy that streamed through their bond.

He had spoken to Yoda about his dreams. Although he hadn't told his Master about their content, he had told him about the recurring feelings in his dream. Yoda had only sighed and had attested him a likely sensitivity for feeling the future. In the same conversation his Master had calmed him down, telling him that the future wasn't written yet, that nothing was certain.

"Clouded, the future is," Yoda had told him, resting a comforting hand on his head and as always, the physical contact had spread like a warm beam through his body.

He had felt better afterwards, but still the aftermath of his dreams had nagged him. He tried to reach out for the pictures he had seen in his dreams, pictures he couldn't remember once he woke up. The only thing he could remember from his dreams were his feelings, and they scared him. He remembered feeling alone and cold, shut out from the glorious warmth and light that was Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon's presence was dull, as if he didn't know him anymore, as if he was just some other being in the Force, not his lover, not the person standing closest to his heart.

He also knew that he loved him in his dreams, loved Qui-Gon with all he had, but that this love wasn't returned. Not even the physical presence of Qui-Gon could cast the feelings he had felt in his dreams aside. Often he lay awake after one of his dreams, feeling Qui-Gon's arms wrapped around him, watching his lover's slack, beautiful and completely untroubled face in his sleep, wondering when the future he foresaw in his dreams would catch up with them.

Even if Qui-Gon assured him time and time again that he would never cease to love him, come what may, he doubted that Qui-Gon would stay by his side forever. He hated himself for feeling and thinking like this and his feelings made him wonder more than once if he deserved Qui-Gon's love at all.

More than ever did he believe in what Yoda had told him years ago. His dreams supported Yoda's vision. Although Qui-Gon felt his irritation, Obi-Wan couldn't tell him about his dreams and although they became more frequent, mixing again and again with the dream about the destroyed Jedi temple, he couldn't bring himself to talk about them with Qui-Gon.

His lover seemed more assured than ever that their love was meant to be, and he wished for it to stay this way. He didn't want to trouble Qui-Gon with his confused feelings about something that might or might not happen. The fear that somewhere out there somebody was holding a claim over Qui-Gon's heart was still there, and often he wondered who that someone was, if he or she was a good person, faithful and dedicated. He just wished that the person Qui-Gon was destined for loved him as much as he did.

Qui-Gon deserved somebody who loved him unconditionally, someone who would stand by him, who wouldn't leave him.

The task Yoda had foreseen for him troubled him as well. He wasn't afraid of the task itself, knowing that he would do his best, but he feared it was his task that would drive them apart. He couldn't live with the fact that it might be his own fault that would separate him from Qui-Gon. The thought of willingly hurting Qui-Gon made his heart ache and the sickness in his stomach flare up again.

He would do anything to prevent the future. Anything. He would do everything for Qui-Gon, he knew that. He would endanger his own life, he would even give his own life, only to make sure that Qui-Gon was safe. He would follow him to the Outer Rim and back, only to be with him. And even if Qui-Gon gave up on him, he never would.

Later that night...

Qui-Gon felt that something troubled Obi-Wan, but he understood in the same instance that Obi-Wan didn't want to talk about it, and although it hurt him to know that his lover kept secrets from him, he wasn't one to push. If Obi-Wan felt ready to talk to him about his feelings, he would do just that.

He had the feeling that Obi-Wan still thought about Yoda's prediction from years ago. Their relationship had survived with a vengeance until now and Qui-Gon had not indication that this would change someday soon. His love for Obi-Wan had even grown, grown into something more beautiful than he ever thought he would experience, supporting his theory that the future was something that was impossible to predict, that he was indeed the maker of his own destiny.

And Qui-Gon knew just what his destiny would look like. Regardless of what life would throw his way, regardless of which obstacles would be placed in his path, he would overcome them with Obi-Wan at his side. He was as sure about this as Obi-Wan was unsure about it. He was well aware that Obi-Wan was waiting for him to leave him, that he was waiting for the prediction to come true. Obi-Wan, despite their mutual promise to lifebond, still thought that they loved on borrowed time and that one day everything they feared would come crashing down on them, taking Qui-Gon away from him.

Although the thought that his lover felt this way troubled him, he also knew that even if the worst would come their way, he wouldn't leave Obi-Wan without a fight. Even if they were separated through some force larger than themselves, he would make his way back to Obi- Wan somehow.

He would be there for Obi-Wan, even if the world suddenly stopped spinning. He would support him, helping him to accomplish his task. Even if Obi-Wan would stop loving him, he would stay by his side.

His lover stirred in his sleep, moaning his name, his lips pressed tightly together, his face a mask of misery. It hurt Qui-Gon to see Obi-Wan like this and he tightened his hold on his lover, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

Obi-Wan relaxed visibly, burying himself into the warmth of his arms.

"I love you...," Qui-Gon whispered softly, knowing that even if Obi-Wan couldn't hear him, he wanted to say the words out aloud, if only to listen to the sound of them, if only to reassure himself of their love.

"I'm never going to leave you.. Never," he continued, nuzzling Obi- Wan's earlobe with his nose, blowing warm breath over his skin. "And don't try to chicken out, love, hear me?"

He chuckled a bit to himself, imagining Obi-Wan chickening out of anything, then said seriously, "You can't run or hide from me. I won't allow it. I'm not leaving you alone. I go wherever you'll go."

He wasn't sure if Obi-Wan had heard him, but his lover smiled a bit in his sleep. Obi-Wan's smile warmed his heart and he had to grin in return, then leaned in to kiss the parted lips tenderly.

Obi-Wan sighed, still not waking up. Actually, Qui-Gon was glad that he wasn't. For once it seemed like Obi-Wan had believed his words, albeit only in his dream.

The End