Master Apprentice Archive Fates - The Promise Quick search:

Fates - The Promise

by Raina

Archive: yes please, M_A, nuttersinc (nowhere else)

Pairing: Q/O

Category: AU, Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: R

Disclaimer: We don't own Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. However, Ben, Quiggs, Seda, Dun and Squicky belong to Lea and me.

Feedback: Please. This was such hard work. raina_at@yahoo.de

Summary: Ben and Quiggs attend a wedding party that doesn't go quite as planned.

Warning: Angst. Clouds on the horizon.

Spoilers: Yes, for the earlier installments of the Fates series. Slight ones for the Trilogy.

Notes: This isn't one of the Fates standalones, it's heavily bound in with the overall Fates plotline, so it won't make much sense if one hasn't read the previous installments.

Series: Yes, Fates. Takes place about three months after "Being There", almost exactly four years after "Fates-Clotho".

Fates timeline found here: http://www.angelfire.com/theforce/nuttersinc/fates_timeline.html

Thank you's: Leandra for excessive handholding and lots and lots of help and patience, Tem-ve for the quick and thorough beta and Padawan Niece Lorraine for use of the phrase "scheming sex kitten".

It was supposed to be the party of the century. The Geronian crown prince and his sister were married in a double wedding to the crown prince and princess of Telos 3. The Geronian king was one of the richest monarchs in the galaxy and had spared no expense for his children's wedding. Two thirds of the Senate were invited plus the whole of the Jedi Council.

As it was, only Masters Yoda, Windu and Billaba were in attendance, but they had brought all five Council Padawans for the celebrations.

It was the party of the century. Well, as far as Qui-Gon was concerned, it hadn't started all too well. When they arrived on Gerona, the five Padawans were shown to luxurious lodgings with a small hitch: one bedroom. A large bedroom with five rather large beds, but still only one bedroom. Given the fact that there were two couples among the Council Five, one openly together, one secretly, the situation was what one could call frustrating.

Qui-Gon shared a long glance with Obi-Wan while unpacking his bag. He knew his boyfriend was thinking the same thing he was. No privacy for the duration of this celebration. At least not here.

But, as Obi-Wan was fond of saying when the scheming sex-kitten that lurked within took over, the one advantage about having to hide one's relationship was the fun one could have sneaking off to have sex in secluded corners. Qui-Gon sighed. He thought that pleasure overrated by far when compared with how much he'd wanted to sleep in the same bed as Obi-Wan again.

It had been a long time since they'd been able to do that. Obi-Wan had been away on a mission for quite some time, and in the Temple it was hardly possible for them to stay out all night, so they mostly grabbed a few short hours of sleep together and then went off to their respective beds. He was just glad that Obi-Wan's nightmares had faded. They had been bad after Obi-Wan had come back from that awful mission, and for a while, Obi-Wan had been much more quiet and withdrawn than usual, but now he was as close to his usual cheerful self as he would ever be again.

Qui-Gon knew that experiences like Obi-Wan's, watching people die and not being able to protect the innocent, stayed with one. Death stayed. He still felt Master Rob's death in his soul, even though almost four years had passed since that day.

Shaking off his gloomy thoughts, he met Obi-Wan's sparkling green eyes.

"Want to go exploring, Quiggs?"

Qui-Gon nodded enthusiastically. He knew that twinkle, and just that colour of his lover's eyes. They would be exploring much more than just the palace.

Grinning, he followed Obi-Wan out of the room.

Twenty minutes later, both Padawans returned to the suite, Obi-Wan clutching his hand to his chest and Qui-Gon nursing what looked like a serious bruise to his ego. The three other Padawans could hear them arguing from the hall.

"I swear he did that on purpose."

"Of course he did it on purpose, you startled him."

"Well, that's no reason for him to bite me."

"What happened to you two?" Seda asked when the pair entered the bedroom.

Obi-Wan looked thunderous. "The biggest party of a century and he decides to bring that Force-forsaken rat."

Seda, Dun and Bant all three took a step back from Qui-Gon.

Dun grabbed his head tails in a protective gesture. "You brought Squicky? Where is he?"

"Here." Qui-Gon reached into his tunics and pulled out the loudly protesting swamp rat.

Four Padawans eyed the rat as if Qui-Gon had drawn a weapon, an assessment that wasn't entirely inaccurate. Bant was the first to speak up. "Is this thing supposed to stay here with us?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "Of course, where else?"

Dun grabbed his pillow and blanket from his bed. "Right. In that case I'm sleeping in the common room." With that he stalked from the room.

"I think I'll bunk with my Master," Bant said and escaped with her still-packed bag.

"See? It's not just me. That rodent is a menace." Obi-Wan looked at Seda for support.

The other Padawan shrugged. "I hate to agree with him, Qui-Gon, but your rat happens to be one of the nastiest life forms I've ever encountered. Are you sure he isn't part Sith?"

Qui-Gon looked at Seda, managing to look offended and hurt at once.

Seda just chuckled. "Anyway, since my boyfriend has decided to take up residence in the Common Room, I think I'll join him there. I'm sure you two will find a way to occupy yourselves until the ceremony begins this evening." With a wink, she left Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan alone.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "I can't believe it! Thanks to that ugly rodent, we've got the bedroom to ourselves."

He slid up to his boyfriend and the rat. "Squicky, I could kiss you."

A loud hiss coming from the rat disabused him of the notion before he'd even started to move towards the rat. Qui-Gon petted the rat's furry head, enticing it to almost purring sounds. "It's all right, Squicky."

Obi-Wan smiled. "See, he only likes to be touched by you. I think on some level that rat and I might have more in common than meets the eye."

Their eyes met and Qui-Gon captured his lover's smiling lips in a soft kiss.

"However," Obi-Wan resumed talking as soon as Qui-Gon's lips had left his own, "Squicky will spend most of our time here in his cage. That is, if you want me to touch you at any time during this visit."

With a last gentle pet, Qui-Gon deposited Squicky in his cage and caught Ben around the hips, tumbling them onto one of the large beds.

Trapping his giggling lover under him, he said, "You have very convincing arguments, Kenobi. I foresee you will become a great Jedi Knight."

Obi-Wan laughed at Qui-Gon's imitation of Master Windu, and Qui-Gon delighted in the chance to kiss that wonderful sound from his lover's lips.

The sun had set a little while ago and dark was settling in rapidly as the five Padawans and three Jedi Masters made their way through the Palace corridors to the temple hall, where the first part of the three-day ceremony took place.

For the Geronians with their trinity of gods, life consisted of three aspects, the spiritual, the public and the private. In accordance with this philosophy, Geronian weddings consisted of not one but three ceremonies. The first one, the spiritual joining of souls before the Gods, would take place tonight at the temple and was supposed to be a quiet affair, followed by a simple dinner.

The second one, the joining of lives in public, would take place the next day and was a pompous and lavish ceremony. The main banquet and subsequent dance were held afterwards.

The third, private ceremony, the joining of hearts, would take place on the last day of the festivities, and traditionally, a loud and informal party followed the actual ceremony, which was held by the bride and groom themselves without any official to preside over it.

The eight Jedi, all dressed in their white dress robes, joined the quiet stream of people entering the temple. Every guest was given a candle to hold during the ceremony, so the huge room was almost entirely lit by the lights the hundreds of guests carried, symbolising the well-wishes of the assembled friends and family.

There was something very intimate about the setting of this ceremony, Obi-Wan thought as he walked beside his Master. Given that most people here didn't even know the brides and grooms, the atmosphere was surprisingly personal. Maybe it was the candlelight, maybe it was his own mood, he added with a smile. He exchanged a long look with Qui-Gon, who parted from him for the ceremony and followed his Master to their assigned seats, giving Obi-Wan a last secret smile.

Obi-Wan smiled back and felt the warmth of the flame he held in his hand settle into his soul. He followed his Master to their seats, which were directly opposite to where Qui-Gon and Master Windu sat. The Jedi, all in white, solemn, silent and graceful, stood out among the chatting and gaily dressed guests like Naboo lilies in a rippling pond, serene and calm.

But Obi-Wan knew that his calm was fragile at best as he forced himself not to stare at his boyfriend, who looked magnificent, his uniform reflecting the light from his candle, making him glow even more than he usually did. He settled down on his seat, Master Yoda on one side, Seda on the other.

"Nice crowd. Look, there's the newly elected Queen of Naboo. And their Senator, Palpatine."

Obi-Wan looked at the young woman and the distinguished-looking Senator and couldn't suppress the cold shiver that went down his spine. Warmth seemed to have drained from the room, and suddenly Obi-Wan had the feeling that the room had darkened considerably, even though he knew the candles burned as brightly as before.

He looked over to Qui-Gon and saw him engaged in conversation with a blond human girl seated to his right. Qui-Gon looked over and smiled, but to Obi-Wan, he suddenly seemed far away and completely out of reach, obscured by the growing darkness and cold in the room. He shivered with cold and an elusive sense of dread that had settled over his up until now careless heart.

A three-fingered hand on his thigh and a concerned frown from Qui-Gon helped him to find his centre again. He stopped the shaking and his body seemed to return to normal temperature.

Thank you Master, he sent over the training bond.

Yoda nodded. Meditate we will, later.

With that the diminutive Master turned his attention back to the crowd.

Ben, are you all right?

Obi-Wan gave his lover a weak smile. I am now. Don't worry about me, and pay attention, your neighbour is talking to you.

Qui-Gon reluctantly returned his attention to the girl sitting next to him, and the ice-pit that was Obi-Wan's stomach seemed to settle in for the night.

Obi-Wan sighed and focused his attention on the royal family, who had entered the temple and seated themselves in the royal alcove.

A gong was struck, and the whole congregation fell silent. The head priest gestured to the door, and the two couples entered, dressed in simple white dresses and tunics. Slow, ethereal-sounding harp music accompanied their way towards the priest who was awaiting them under a canopy of flowers. The couples took their places before the priest, a kind-looking old man, and the ceremony began.

It was relatively short, but with an ethereal simplicity that struck Obi-Wan as almost Jedi-like. This was the way of the Jedi. Simple words, heart-felt prayers, no lavish decoration or clothing, no dressing up of something that was purely spiritual. Obi-Wan smiled and added his own prayers to the Force to the ones the old priest uttered to the three Gods of Gerona.

When the couples pledged their love and faith to each other, Obi-Wan caught Qui-Gon's eyes, shining in the reflected candlelight, alive and warm and intense. He smiled warmly at his lover.

I'd like to tell you something, but you must promise not to laugh, Qui-Gon's voice sounded in his head.

Obi-Wan's smile brightened, and he answered over their lover's bond. I'll try, all right?

Qui-Gon smiled his warmest, most gentle smile, and Obi-Wan blushed in spite of himself, looking around to see if anybody had witnessed their exchange, but all eyes were on the priest except Qui-Gon's; his lover's beautiful blue gaze was fixed on him.

His lover's mental voice was quiet and warm. This is exactly how I've imagined our bonding ceremony. Candles, flowers, a quiet prayer to the Force. Less people, though. Qui-Gon smiled at him again. You're not even laughing, I'm proud of you.

Obi-Wan's smile faded and the cold feeling in his stomach spread again, running up and down his spine and settling behind his eyes. No, he wasn't laughing, he felt much more like crying in fact, for when Qui-Gon had spoken of their bonding ceremony, something inside of him had frozen in fear and quiet certainty. He forced himself to answer with calm. I don't see what should be funny about that.

Qui-Gon looked at him again with this wonderful, warm, loving expression in his eyes and Obi-Wan felt his heart contract and almost splinter. Bonding ceremony. He looked at the couples exchanging the traditional kiss that ended the ceremony and while the hall erupted in cheers and applause, he joined in the applause, but inside he was freezing, shaking with the sudden sense of foreboding, the small voice whispering that there would not be a moment like this for Obi-Wan. Never.

The guests were trailing after the newly joined couples to the formal dining hall where the formal dinner would be held.

Obi-Wan wasn't hungry. But he would sit through this dinner like the good Padawan he was, hoping that the bad feeling in his gut didn't get any worse.

He'd said it before, but rarely had he meant it as fervently as this time. He had a very bad feeling about this.

Qui-Gon was glad for the training in splitting his attention without being suspected of doing so. He tried to watch Obi-Wan out of the corner of his eyes while talking animatedly with the girl he'd sat with during the ceremony.

She hadn't struck him as the sort of person one met at this kind of affair, and indeed she was the daughter of a respectable and thoroughly unglamorous food merchant who had an excellent business relationship with the king and had earned the honour of an invitation. She seemed a bit uncomfortable here, just like him, but she had relaxed visibly during the ceremony and now seemed chatty and in good spirits.

He lost sight of Obi-Wan in the crowd and returned his full attention to his neighbour, whom he by now thoroughly liked as someone who didn't mince words and didn't want to lure him into a political or diplomatic corner.

He spotted Seda and Dun standing over at the cold water fountains and went over to join them, his neighbour in tow.

"Wasn't that a wonderful ceremony?" Seda asked him as soon as he was within earshot.

He nodded. It had been beautiful, moving in a simple way, and thoroughly inspiring. It was just the way he'd always imagined his and Obi-Wan's bonding ceremony.

He looked around again for his errant lover. Obi-Wan hadn't reacted to Qui-Gon's confession the way he'd thought the other Padawan would react. He'd thought Obi-Wan would laugh at him, but he'd just smiled weakly and turned back to the ceremony. When Qui-Gon had tried to find out what was bothering Obi-Wan, he'd encountered rather firmly raised mental shields.

"Have you seen Kenobi?" Dun asked Bant, who had just joined their group, a glass of Tiderian champagne in hand.

"Yes, he's over at the drinks table with the Masters. The Bothan ambassador has cornered him, poor man."

"Did he seem odd to you?" Seda asked.

Bant shook her head. "Not really. Why?"

The other girl shrugged. "He just seemed to be on edge during the ceremony."

Qui-Gon's neighbour cleared her throat. "Well, I'd better find my father."

"No, please, wait a moment. Where are my manners, I forgot to introduce you." Qui-Gon smote his forehead and smiled an apology. She accepted with a gracious nod.

"Well, then, Padawans Bant Eerin, Dun, Seda Solo, this is Tahl."

Obi-Wan rose from meditation slowly. He was still alone in the huge bedroom, something he was immensely grateful for. Meditation had gained him no new insights.

He sighed. Of all his Jedi skills, prescience was the one Obi-Wan could easily have lived without.

He wasn't truly a seer, not the way Master Yoda was, but he was closely connected with the Unifying Force, close enough to catch tremors of future, of something Master Yoda called Karmatic flows. Thanks to his sensitivity for change and the eternal, he was gifted, or rather cursed, not with visions, but with vague forebodings and glimpses of fragments of the possible. Shards of destiny.

Obi-Wan hated destiny. He knew Jedi weren't supposed to hate, but he hated destiny, fate and all the other words for the eddies of time that always seemed to work against him. He hated the galactic timer that seemed to eat away the seconds of his life until whatever great task Master Yoda had foreseen for him came by and gave his life a meaning it was yet missing. Or at least Yoda thought so.

Once again, he prayed to the Force. I'm your servant and as such I do your bidding, but I'm a human too, with a heart that can be broken. Take my life, if you want it, but please leave me my heart.

He closed his eyes and imagined what Qui-Gon had talked about before. Bonding ceremony. The two of them claiming each other in front of their friends, their Masters and most importantly the Force. No mysterious fate to come between them, no soul mate, no great chore to be done for the sake of the Galaxy. Just the two of them and the love they shared.

Obi-Wan had long since stopped even imagining the possibility of life without Quiggs. If Yoda was right, he should in all likelihood prepare himself for a life after Qui-Gon, but he couldn't. He hadn't forgotten the shallow idiot he'd been before he fell in love with Quiggs, and he couldn't imagine this glowing love they shared ever fading from his life.

He sighed again and stood up from the floor where he'd been kneeling, making his way over to the bed they had claimed as their own.

He was so tired. He knew Quiggs wouldn't be back in a while. He'd sneaked out right after the second course, leaving Qui-Gon engaged in a very animated conversation with the blond girl who had sat next to him in the temple, and who was his neighbour once again during dinner.

Obi-Wan hadn't been able to eat anything, feeling cold and slightly nauseous with a dread he couldn't place, so Yoda had covered for him and he'd left before he'd throw up his dinner. He'd felt better once he'd left the dining hall, and by now felt perfectly fine again. Physically. He was still more than a little on edge, though.

Sleep. He needed sleep. Everything would look better in the morning. He changed into his sleeping pants and lay down, willing himself to calm with sheer mental discipline. It took surprisingly little time for him to go to sleep.

Qui-Gon tried to be quiet, but it wasn't easy to manoeuvre through an unknown room in the dark, especially when one was just a bit more intoxicated than was good for one's sense of balance.

He hadn't really planned on drinking so much, but he'd lost track of things around the fourth course when the formal setting of the dinner had given way to a more informal buffet of desserts. He and Tahl had met the other three Padawans at the table where a seven-armed droid gave out drinks. It had been only then that he'd noticed the absence of his boyfriend, and he'd been sorely disappointed, for there were several delightful alcoves in the hall that he'd planned to take advantage of by dragging Obi-Wan off to one of them and kiss him breathless, but Bant, who had sat with Master Yoda and Obi-Wan, had told him that Obi-Wan hadn't looked too well and had excused himself, saying he'd go to bed immediately.

Qui-Gon had suppressed the impulse to sneak out himself, check on his lover and just curl up with him. It would have looked suspicious if he'd left, and besides, there was more Corellian whisky than one person could decently consume in a month, and Obi-Wan was most likely asleep anyway, and so Qui-Gon had stayed and got just a bit more drunk than he'd wanted to.

The curtains moved in the wind, allowing a bit of moonlight in. A beam of light hit the bed where Obi-Wan lay sleeping, and Qui-Gon abandoned all thoughts of the previous evening and concentrated on getting through his nightly routine as quickly as possible so he could curl up with his boyfriend.

He hurried in the fresher and discarded the thought of rummaging around his pack for his sleeping pants. Instead he just stripped off his formal tunics and crawled into bed naked.

Too exhilarated to go to sleep right away, he contented himself with spooning up to his fast asleep lover and watching him breathe.

Now, Qui-Gon knew that he was drunk, but he also knew that the glowing smile that spread on his lips had everything to do with his love for Obi-Wan and nothing at all with the fuzziness of his mind. Watching Obi-Wan breathe while he slept was one of Qui-Gon's greatest joys in life, even when he was completely sober.

He traced Obi-Wan's ear with his fingertip, then ran his hand over his lover's arm until he reached Obi-Wan's fingers and tenderly traced every single digit with his own.

It was in moments like this, unchecked and unobserved, when all the helpless tenderness he felt for this man seemed to pour out of him, when he just wanted to take Ben into his arms and never let him go again. He'd meant every word he'd said earlier, he'd often imagined what their bonding ceremony would be like, when he could finally voice and show a commitment that, as far as he was concerned, was already made. He at least had already given his heart to Obi-Wan, completely and totally, and he knew that wherever he might go in his life, his heart would stay firmly where it was, in the possession of one Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He kissed Obi-Wan's shoulder, then his temple, then the starting point of his Padawan braid.

"I love you. Forever," he whispered, before settling in to sleep, Obi- Wan's warmth against him.

~~Dust. Stone. Smoke, biting, aggressive. Heavy smells of death.

His footsteps echoed around the empty ruins. They'd removed most of the corpses, he guessed, but the scent of burnt flesh and decay would not go anywhere soon. He remembered walking these halls as a child, as a Padawan, as a newly made Knight, he remembered laughter, playing hide-and-seek, sober discussions and passionate kisses, jesting words and serious conversations flowing through this place.

A graveyard now, no more a Temple. A place of broken lives now, no longer a fortress of knowledge and serenity, a haven, an island of calm in an ocean of chaos. No longer his home. Obi-Wan picked up a stone from the broken statue in the main corridor and slipped it into his pocket where it clanged together with the other stone, the other ruin of his past.

He stood up, his solitary footsteps echoing in the graveyard that used to be the Jedi Temple at Coruscant. They would come for him soon, he knew. He needed a place to hide, somewhere to turn, but the last two people who would help him were unapproachable. Yoda was too weak and Qui-Gon... Qui-Gon had been consumed by time, just like this place. He wasn't sure if his former lover would even recognise him, much less go out of his way to help him now that he'd failed in every way a person could fail. Himself, the Order, his Padawan, the Galaxy.

No. He was alone, as he had always been. Alone.~~

With a strangled sob, Obi-Wan woke, tears still streaking down his face. A dream, just a dream, he whispered silently, but a part of him knew better.

He hated prescience.

Concentrating on the warmth embracing him and curling against him, his lover's even breath and heartbeat, he tried to calm himself, but he couldn't shake off the images of his dream, nor could he forget the emotions.

His home, the centre of his universe, destroyed, in ruins. And all his fault. He didn't know why it was his fault, but his dream self had believed it very fervently. And in midst all of this the knowledge that he was indeed alone. That Qui-Gon had left him years ago, had left him alone with whatever fate had in store for him.

He looked at Qui-Gon's peaceful face. The knowledge of his dream self and the certainty of his self in the Moment could not be integrated in the same heart. He knew that Qui-Gon loved him with all his heart, would never hurt or leave him if given a choice, but yet his dream self had hurt, and he'd been alone. Left behind. Left with a burden he wasn't ready for and didn't understand.

Obi-Wan sighed. He dreaded going back to sleep, but he couldn't stay here either. He needed to think, and he couldn't do it here, with Qui- Gon asleep next to him, a fountain of warmth and strength Obi-Wan wanted to drown himself in, but he couldn't tell Qui-Gon his dream without greatly upsetting his lover, and he didn't want that.

No, he had to come to terms with this by himself. Alone.

Shuddering, he disentangled himself from Qui-Gon's arms and made his way to the door.

It was nearly morning when Qui-Gon woke. Grumbling about the coldness of the sheets and the emptiness of his arms, he reached out for Obi- Wan. He came fully awake when he found the bed as empty as his arms.

Frowning, he felt the sheets and the pillow on Obi-Wan's side of the bed and found them cold. He concluded that Obi-Wan must have been gone for quite some time now, and cursed his drunken sleep that had kept him from noticing Obi-Wan's departure.

Maybe his lover had been visited by another one of these dreadful nightmares he'd had after that blasted mission with Adi Gallia and Seda a couple of months ago. But why hadn't he woken him for a bit of comfort? Qui-Gon would have been only too happy to provide much- needed warmth and distractions.

With a smile, he remembered a time when the nightmares about his Master's death had been frequent, and Obi-Wan's relaxation techniques. Qui-Gon had to admit that his lover's methods had been much appreciated and certainly very successful, not to mention mind- meltingly pleasurable. If Obi-Wan had woken him, he would have been very willing to reciprocate.

Since there was nothing left in bed to tempt him back, he got up, dressed hurriedly and went out into the common room, hoping to see Obi-Wan there. But all he saw was Seda and Dun, peacefully slumbering and quite happily snuggled together. He growled at them quietly and went out to look for Obi-Wan.

He reached out through their bond, but was blocked by very tight mental shields, just like last night.

Cloud it be that Obi-Wan was in any way angry with him? He searched his mind, but could find nothing he might have done to upset or anger his lover.

The ceremony. Was Obi-Wan angry because of his comments about their own bonding ceremony? But why should he be? And if he were, he would have voiced his anger by now. Obi-Wan was nothing if not forward. And stubborn. And possessive, but in a nice way.

Qui-Gon wasn't delusional or young or enamoured enough to think that his impish bastard of a lover was anything near perfect, but that didn't stop him from loving the breath out of him. In fact, some of the things Qui-Gon loved most about Obi-Wan weren't exactly virtues, like his wicked sense of humour or that canyon-wide hedonistic streak or the incurable romantic sap his lover could turn into on anniversaries, birthdays or just because it was full moon on Viego.

No, Obi-Wan would have told him if he was angry. But as to another cause for his shielding, Qui-Gon was at a loss. He would have to talk to the man himself to find out what was bothering him, and he set out earnestly to do just that.

He found Obi-Wan in one of the vast palace courtyards, in midst a small garden at the centre of the square space. He was kneeling opposite Master Yoda, and both seemed to be in deep meditation.

Qui-Gon sighed. Now he knew something was wrong. Sleeplessness and guided meditation spoke of a very troubled mind. It also meant that there was little chance of him getting Obi-Wan to himself for the next hours. Master and Padawan looked like they had settled in for at least until after breakfast.

There was nothing he could do here but watch, so he indulged in this impulse for a few minutes before turning around and leaving Obi-Wan and Yoda alone.

He didn't return to the Padawan suite, but decided to wander the palace gardens instead. He didn't want to talk to Seda or Dun, he felt too alone for that right now. He knew that made little sense, but Seda and Dun, though their relationship was tumultuous, never had the problems he and Ben had. They didn't have to hide their love from their friends and Masters, and nobody told them that they couldn't be together. The Force seemed oddly unconcerned about any love lives other than his own.

He loved Seda, and he knew it was beneath him, mean even, but sometimes he envied her the simple and uncomplicated love she shared with Dun.

At least Seda and Dun's problems were mostly in some way related to something either of them had done. Qui-Gon's and Obi-Wan's problems mostly stemmed from either the past or the future. It had bothered Qui-Gon in the past that Obi-Wan hadn't exactly lived chastely before they met, and he knew that, even though Obi-Wan hadn't mentioned anything of the sort for over a year, that Yoda's prophecy still gnawed at Obi-Wan.

Maybe that was it. Maybe Obi-Wan was upset because he took the prophecy lightly enough to talk about bonding ceremonies. But Obi-Wan would most likely have told him that. Then again it wasn't Qui-Gon's favourite topic and whenever Obi-Wan mentioned it they would usually end up having a fight.

Qui-Gon didn't believe in prophecy. He didn't believe in anyone or anything dictating his choices, not even the Force. Even though it spoke strongly to him through all living things, even though it connected him to the here and now in a way he felt down to his very cells, still it never dictated his choices, it merely marked the path. Whether he followed that path was up to him.

He knew that Obi-Wan was different in that respect. Hells, if he was honest, he and Obi-Wan were different in a lot of things. They were connected by their love and passion, but in many respects, they were polar opposites. Maybe that was why they were so strong together, why he loved Obi-Wan so much. But then again, that was a question Obi-Wan would ask. As far as he was concerned, it didn't matter why he loved Obi-Wan, he just did and that was enough for him.

He shook his head, trying to clear it of the remnants of alcohol and gloomy thoughts and decided to look if his Master was already up.

Obi-Wan let himself drift among the eddies of the unknown, firmly anchored by Yoda's strong presence in his mind. He saw himself in the centre of a node of glowing threads, all running along to certain moments in time. He focused on these threads and saw that some of them touched on the way, even entwined shortly, only to follow separate paths before meeting again, touching fleetingly before vanishing in the distance. He followed them with his mind's eye, but when he tried to focus on one of them, the image faded and he was once again floating on little Force-tremors that made even less sense to him than the images he'd seen just moments ago or in his dreams over the last few months.

He still felt bad about never having told Qui-Gon that not all of his nightmares, not even most of them, centred on his terrible mission. Many of them had dealt with scraps of the future, like the one he'd had last night, but none of them had been this clear, this devastating. He so desperately wanted to tell Qui-Gon about his dreams and fears, but he couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Qui-Gon didn't react too well to Obi-Wan's misgivings, as indeed it was logical for him to do, but Obi-Wan longed to be held and told that everything was going to be fine. But that was selfish and would only upset his lover needlessly.

A gentle rap of Yoda's mind against his returned his focus to the meditation exercise. He released his regret and longing to the Force and turned his attention to Yoda's gentle guidance through the ripples of the Unifying Force.

Neither Obi-Wan nor Yoda showed up for breakfast, but Qui-Gon met Tahl at the fruit section of the buffet and invited her to join the Jedi for the meal. She accepted his invitation, and once again, he found himself drawn to her animated conversation and easygoing manner.

They finished breakfast and Qui-Gon decided to take a stroll and see if Yoda and Obi-Wan had finished their meditation. Both Bant and Tahl decided to join him for his walk, which he accepted with a sigh of frustration.

It was still early, but they found an astounding number of guests already up and strolling through the palace grounds just like they were. He directed his group to the courtyard where he'd left Obi-Wan and Yoda. Master and Padawan were still there, kneeling in the centre of the square, still deep in meditation.

As Qui-Gon, Tahl and Bant stepped out into the courtyard, he heard voices and turned around to see the Senator from Naboo walk by with the Malastarian ambassador to Gerona.

Bant shuddered. Obi-Wan and Yoda simultaneously snapped back to full consciousness.

Qui-Gon blinked. He turned to Bant. "What's the matter?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, I just felt so cold for a moment."

Bant was far more sensitive to the Unifying Force than Qui-Gon, so he guessed it was natural that she'd felt something and he hadn't.

Qui-Gon turned his attention back to Obi-Wan and met his lover's eyes. He could tell from the expression in that gaze that Obi-Wan was upset. His eyes were almost grey and filled with something he couldn't quite read. He was about to start in his boyfriend's direction when Yoda approached Obi-Wan and murmured something to his Padawan.

Obi-Wan nodded and got up, hand at his belt. Both Master and Padawan drew their lightsabres and stood to face each other.

Qui-Gon knew what was to come now. Nothing restored one's centre quite as thoroughly as a good sparring match, and apparently, Yoda agreed with that assessment.

"What's happening now?" Tahl asked as Yoda and Obi-Wan bowed formally to each other.

"They're going to spar," Qui-Gon answered, resignation and anticipation warring in his mind. He loved to watch Obi-Wan spar, but once again, talking to Obi-Wan would have to wait.

"What, the old man and the milk-face?" Tahl seemed amused.

Qui-Gon smiled. "Don't judge either of them by appearance. They're both so much more than they seem."

He let his eyes wander over Obi-Wan's form, trying to see what Tahl saw. Trying to see Obi-Wan with eyes that didn't know every single inch of skin on that body, every colour these eyes could turn, every nuance of body language. He tried to remember how he had seen Obi-Wan before he knew him, on that evening in the Saltire Bar when they'd first met, and on the day after when Obi-Wan had proven to Qui-Gon how wrong he had been to dismiss him out of hand.

He failed. He couldn't look at Ben and not see all he knew was there. He couldn't watch Obi-Wan and pretend not to love him, so he allowed his eyes to feast on the slender, graceful movements of his lover when he began to spar.

But soon even that took a back seat as he just watched two of the finest sabresmen in the Order cross blades.

They began slowly, like a dance. A few practice swings, forms of a two-bladed kata Qui-Gon recognised. The only sound coming from them was the sizzling of the two blades as they met, green and blue, moving faster and faster and soon stepping out of the movements of the exercise, dancing freely now, without a pattern or script.

Faster and faster, somersault, block, blue and green blade blurring with the speed of the movements, the two fighters shadows moving with a speed and grace that left Qui-Gon gasping with every move blocked by a hair's breadth.

Qui-Gon could feel the Force pulse between them, and for a moment he wished it was him Obi-Wan was fighting, just so he could hear the Force sing between them like it sang between Master and Padawan. But he knew that he'd get his own song later tonight, or so he hoped.

He returned his attention to the sabre match, which was being fought with increasing speed and determination, neither giving the other an inch. Qui-Gon wondered dimly how Obi-Wan could hold his own against Yoda for so long when Tahl touched his arm to get his attention and Obi-Wan stumbled, catching Yoda's lightsabre square across his torso.

Obi-Wan sat down, exhausted and obviously in pain from the slight burns the low-set sabre had left on his skin, and Qui-Gon wanted nothing more than to go over to his lover and take him in his arms, but he couldn't, and so he turned to Tahl to find out what she wanted to say.

She seemed impressed. "Who would have thought either of them had it in him. Though I must say I'm actually more surprised by milk-face."

Qui-Gon made a face. "He has a name, you know."

Tahl smiled. "I'm just kidding, Qui-Gon. Besides, you haven't introduced us yet. Do you know him well?"

He looked at Tahl to find out if she was trying to fish for information about his relationship with Obi-Wan and briefly wondered if he'd stared too openly, but her countenance showed nothing but disinterested curiosity, so he relaxed again and looked for an answer that was true and yet didn't tell too much. "We're friends." As close to the truth as he would get while avoiding words like 'lover', 'boyfriend' and 'sex'.

It seemed to be good enough for Tahl, who seemed to have taken a real liking to him, for when he strolled over to join the two Jedi, she trailed along.

Qui-Gon went directly to Obi-Wan, who had got up off the floor and away from Yoda at last, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Are you all right?"

Obi-Wan nodded and even managed a small smile. "Fine, thanks. Quiggs, I-"

At that moment, Tahl interrupted. "Don't you want to introduce us, Qui-Gon? Then I would know his name."

Qui-Gon grit his teeth for a moment, but turned to her and with an elaborate gesture, made the introductions. "Tahl, this is Padawan Obi- Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan, this is Tahl."

They shook hands, and something flickered in Obi-Wan's eyes. It was gone before Qui-Gon could determine what it was, and he was sure that only he had seen it.

Obi-Wan nodded at both of them and murmured that he had to attend to something, then he turned around and left.

Tahl stared after him. "A bit rude, your friend."

Qui-Gon didn't pay her any mind. He just nodded at her and followed his lover.

Qui-Gon found Obi-Wan in the bedroom of the Padawan suite, already lying down on the bed they had claimed as theirs yesterday afternoon. He snorted at the memory. This was supposed to be the party of a century, but he hadn't had that much fun yet. Well, maybe that would change yet.

He felt Obi-Wan's eyes on him as he crossed the room to sit beside him on the bed.

"Ben... are you all right?" he asked, sliding up to his lover's side.

Obi-Wan turned to face him. "I...please, I don't want to talk about it now. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep for a while."

There was so much weariness in Obi-Wan's eyes that Qui-Gon nodded immediately. "Of course."

He took Obi-Wan's hand, and even though they were not half a metre apart and he was in actual physical contact with him, Obi-Wan seemed so far away, so distant, and Qui-Gon had to close that gap between them, had to be near, close, had to feel his lover's heartbeat and warmth to reassure himself.

But the distance was there, and so he felt compelled to ask a question he hadn't needed since they'd first slept together. "Can I hold you while you sleep?" His voice sounded hesitant, shy even.

Obi-Wan reached up to cup his cheek, eyes soft and shining, and suddenly the distance seemed not so great, easily bridgeable even.

"I'd like that very much." A whispered answer.

Qui-Gon settled down on the bed and drew Obi-Wan into his arms, silencing a quiet ache in his chest at the warm contact, Obi-Wan's hair in his face, heartbeat against his chest. They shifted until Qui-Gon spooned Obi-Wan, curling up around the smaller man.

"And if someone comes in?" Obi-Wan whispered drowsily.

Qui-Gon smoothed his hair, petting him until he was almost asleep. "Let me worry about that. Just sleep, love."

He could feel Obi-Wan drifting off, and heard him murmur a last, "I love you," before sleep claimed him.

Qui-Gon lay awake for a long time, just watching him sleep, before he found the will to move even his lips to whisper, "I know. And I love you too."

~~There was nothing here. Nothing. Just sand and wind and stone and this crying infant in his arms and not a soul left in the universe that even knew of his existence except for a madman, a broken mother, an old Jedi Master in exile, his lost heart and this child with the blue eyes so much like his father's.

He knew that self-pity was beneath him, but he asked himself just what exactly he had done in a previous life that made the Force hate him so much. Everything he touched crumbled to ashes before his eyes, be it blond precocious boys or the one love that had meant something to him.

He'd never forgotten. Never broken the unspoken vows between them. Never ceased to mourn. But that was all so long ago that he wondered why it was now that it came back to hurt so much, now when he should have other problems, bigger mynocks to fry, to use Qui-Gon's terminology.

Fate it seemed was not without a certain sense of irony. After years and years of emotional isolation, it cast him into physical isolation as well. Not that it made any difference now. To the rest of the universe, he was dead anyway.

The child in his arms cried on, and he wondered when the sun would rise so that he could take the boy to the ~~

"Ben! Wake up, love."

He bolted upright, staring at Qui-Gon with wide eyes. He couldn't make his brain recognise Qui-Gon. A part of him was still caught in the dream, still screamed, 'Alone.'

He gasped, but only because his body had decided that breathing was still a good idea. Cold sweat all over his body, and Qui-Gon's hands on his back, soothing circles over his sweat-damp skin.

He had to get away, from the bed, the dream, the images, away from Qui-Gon, from that warm, solid presence that seemed to mock and taunt his fears. There now, but for how long? How long until he'd be alone, broken heart, broken life, no past and no future, how long until they claimed his life for good...

He flinched away from Qui-Gon's touch, mumbling that he needed a shower, and practically fled the bed to go to the fresher to wash the sand out of his hair.

Qui-Gon paced. And then he paced some more.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn. He hated nightmares and locked fresher doors and mental shields blocking him out even more completely than before.

Obi-Wan had looked panicked, like a frightened animal, when Qui-Gon had woken him, and instead of letting Qui-Gon comfort him, he had practically fled to the fresher. That was at least half an hour ago, and Qui-Gon started to worry.

He knocked at the fresher door. "Obi-Wan, are you all right?"

"Yes. I'm coming out in a moment."

And indeed the door opened and a much calmer and fully dressed Obi- Wan emerged from within. Calm, but the distance was there again, more palpable than before.

He opened his mouth, but Obi-Wan raised his hand to stop him. "You'd better get ready, the ceremony starts in half an hour."

Qui-Gon frowned. Was it that late already? He checked his inner time sense and it confirmed what Obi-Wan had said. He'd spent the better part of four hours holding his sleeping lover, apparently. Not that he would have minded spending the whole day like this, after all, holding Obi-Wan while he slept was one of his favourite activities.

He looked at Obi-Wan's cool, noncommittal expression, at his eyes that were so distant that he might as well have been in the next room or on one of Gerona's moons for all the difference it would make, and went into the fresher without another word.

Obi-Wan was right, the ceremony would start the first hour after noon, so they didn't have time, or else he would sit his boyfriend down and get to the bottom of what in all Sith hells was wrong here, because Obi-Wan might have been angry with him in the past, or irritated or hurt or upset, but never this distant, this cool. It was most unlike his hot-blooded lover and he really wanted to get to the bottom of it. He hated all this distance. Usually, they solved their problems with heated fights and even more heated make-up sex, but this time sex seemed a far-distant possibility. He showered and changed quickly and went out to his boyfriend again.

He found Obi-Wan sitting on the windowsill, looking out at the sky, lost in thought, the cool mask he had worn before melted to let through a glimpse of a very confused young man.

He made two steps towards Obi-Wan, but before he could say anything, the mask slipped back on, the face he recognised as Jedi Standard Façade for any situation where one wanted to hide one's feelings from the world. But why was Ben hiding from him?

He wouldn't get an answer now, he knew that, probably not even if they had the time to talk.

"Are you ready?" Obi-Wan asked in a cool expressionless voice.

He just nodded and winced as Obi-Wan brushed his side and all but snatched away the hand Qui-Gon had wanted to take.

For the umpteenth time this day, Qui-Gon shook his head and wondered what the Sith he had done as he followed his lover out.

The public ceremony was so stiff and boring that Qui-Gon needed his twenty years of Jedi training to suppress his yawns. What made it worse was the fact that he sat between a stony-faced Obi-Wan who flinched back from touch and kept his eyes rigidly on the brides and grooms, and Tahl, who was smiling brightly at him at any given opportunity. He really didn't feel like it, but he found himself smiling back automatically.

The ceremony seemed to last forever, and when it finally came to an end, Qui-Gon couldn't suppress a sigh of relief. Still trapped between frosty silence and too bright smile, Qui-Gon and his two neighbours made their way to the receptiondinnerdance that was to follow.

They traversed the corridors, following the other guests, Tahl chatting happily the whole time, apparently oblivious to the tension between the other two, or just too polite to let on.

When they arrived at their destination, the main banquet hall, Obi- Wan went over to his seat next to Master Yoda with a small nod to them, and Qui-Gon's confusion and slight hurt started to turn to anger. Whatever was eating his lover, he was sure he hadn't done anything that merited this casual dismissive coolness from Obi-Wan. He determined to let Obi-Wan sulk and proceeded to join more actively in the conversation with Tahl, all but ignoring Obi-Wan.

Dinner was an incredibly formal affair, but as soon as the dishes were cleared and the music started to play, the guests visibly relaxed and the atmosphere turned much more party-like.

Alcohol was distributed in vast quantities and the musicians were some of the finest money could buy. The guests mingled and chatted, laughing and dancing and drinking, the formal structures of the dinner abandoned so far that Qui-Gon even dared to let Squicky out of the confinement of his outer robe.

Tahl, who had attached herself firmly to his side for the evening since she didn't know anyone else, watched him carefully when he pulled out Squicky, and unlike Seda and Dun who had joined them on their table after dinner, she didn't pull back in disgust as Qui-Gon fed Squicky little titbits, but leaned in and held her hand out for Squicky to sniff.

Squicky moved his nose closer to Tahl's hand and uttered a delighted squeal, shifting in Qui-Gon's hands so he could get closer to Tahl's fingers.

She smiled and said, "He's really cute, Qui-Gon!" as she patted his little furry head and Squicky nearly purred.

Seda and Dun stared at that display in wonder. "I can't believe it, " Seda murmured. "He always bites me when I try to do that, and I feed him when Qui-Gon's not there."

Tahl shrugged and continued to pet Squicky. "Well, there's something about me that he likes."

"Normally he lets only Qui-Gon touch him. I mean, not even Obi-Wan..." Seda trailed off when Qui-Gon gave her a forbidding stare. She was the only person who knew about his relationship with Obi-Wan and he intended it to stay that way.

For the first time since the dinner began he looked in Obi-Wan's direction and found himself looking directly into eyes so grey that it seemed the colour had bled out of them, the expression in that gaze making Qui-Gon's stomach hurt and he immediately regretted his earlier anger. Whatever was troubling Obi-Wan, it was obviously serious and Qui-Gon chided himself to be more patient. Force knew he wasn't the easiest person to live with either. He offered Obi-Wan a small smile and the almost grey eyes softened into something that read a lot like an apology.

He started in the direction of Obi-Wan's table, which was on the other side of the dance floor, but Tahl, oblivious to his goal, just saw that he moved towards the dance floor and immediately joined him, handing Squicky back to him and dragging him by his elbow towards the dance floor, where a song she claimed to love just had started to play. Before he could protest, she had already deposited Squicky on his shoulder and twined her arms around his waist and initiated the first moves of a very popular Alderaanian dance.

Qui-Gon caught Obi-Wan's eyes over Tahl's head. Once again, the eyes he looked into were almost grey, but this time he knew from the way the skin around his lover's eyes tightened that he had a headache and didn't like at all what he saw.

The party had degenerated to a stage where nobody was paying attention to anyone else any more, and the dance floor was by now very crowded. Another dancing couple bumped into Qui-Gon and Tahl, and when he looked up again, Obi-Wan was gone. Qui-Gon sighed and made a decision. Whatever Obi-Wan was hiding, it would end right now.

He tried to excuse himself, but Seda, Dun and Tahl would have none of it, pouring him one Corellian whisky after the other.

When he finally managed to extract himself, it was almost an hour later and he was more determined than ever to find out what exactly was wrong with his lover.

He couldn't say it surprised him to find their bedroom empty. Disappointed him, but didn't surprise him.

Qui-Gon sighed and went out again to look for his lover. One thing was for sure: Life with Obi-Wan was never boring. A good thing, most of the time. Only right now he could have done with a tiny bit of boring.

Formal Jedi tunics weren't designed for showiness, but for comfort and – if necessary - battle. Obi-Wan was thoroughly glad of it.

He adjusted the grip on his sabre and steadied his breathing before punching the training droid to start it up again. The king had told the Jedi that they could use one of the old guard training rooms if they wanted to, and Obi-Wan was thoroughly grateful for that.

He'd returned to their quarters, not able to enjoy the party, not even the food, though his stomach had told him that he hadn't eaten all day, but once again the clinging anxiety had set in, chilling him to the bone and making it impossible for him to eat or even bring himself to smile. He'd entered the bedroom and after one long look at the bed had grabbed his sabre and gone to look for a training droid or two he could hack in two.

He was too wired, too afraid of sleep to find any rest, too exhausted to return to the party, too stressed and unreasonably angry to have a conversation with Quiggs he knew he couldn't avoid much longer.

He knew it was unfair and unreasonable to be afraid and angry, but he was. He was Jedi, fear and anger weren't emotions he should indulge, but he hadn't been able to release the cold that seeped through every muscle, every bone, every cell it seemed.

He wanted nothing more than to confide his fears and be comforted, but he dreaded looking into his lover's eyes and say to him, "I had a dream-vision about the future in which I was alone. Completely," even though it would be the truth.

He knew what Qui-Gon would think, that he would be hurt and afraid, and that was the last thing Obi-Wan wanted. But he also knew that Quiggs was nothing if not persistent and that they would have this conversation very soon.

If only he could stop being afraid and angry. Afraid of Qui-Gon's anger.

He sighed. Point of this exercise, Obi-Wan. Focus on the droid. He centred on the song of the Force within him and resumed blocking the droid's laser bolts.

Qui-Gon wandered the empty palace corridors for almost an hour, only occasionally meeting party guests returning to their quarters, often moving in twos or threes, some drunk on wine, others intoxicated with other substances. It seemed to be indeed the party of a century. Only not for him.

What drew him to the guardrooms was at first only sound. A faint sizzle, very familiar. When he drew closer, he recognised other sounds as well, like bare feet moving over padded floors, a faint hum and the beeping sound of a training droid.

The door was ajar, and he could see the cold blue light of the lightsabre before he even entered the room.

The large training chamber was dark and almost completely empty, except for a training droid and Obi-Wan. The only source of light was Obi-Wan's lightsabre, glowing blue, the only sounds Obi-Wan's breath and the faint hums of sabre and droid.

Qui-Gon approached soundlessly, never taking his eyes off his lover, who was standing in the centre of the room, face a mask of exhausted concentration, lightsabre raised, every muscle tense. He hadn't even changed out of his formal uniform, Qui-Gon noted, only taken off the stiff boots. Obi-Wan liked to fight barefoot, he claimed it gave him an edge.

Obi-Wan's face didn't change at his approach, and Qui-Gon wondered if Obi-Wan had even noticed him yet. Normally in his heightened state of awareness, Obi-Wan should have noticed anyone coming into the room immediately, but then again, nothing seemed normal about Obi-Wan right now.

The formal white dress uniform bore several scorch-marks where the droid had apparently hit Obi-Wan, something Qui-Gon had only seen happening once or twice, for Obi-Wan was beyond the skill level where a laser bolt made even the most casual contact. The marks made Qui- Gon worry even more than he had before.

The humming of the training droid told him that it was currently recharging, something Obi-Wan knew too, which probably explained his absolute stillness.

Qui-Gon knew it wasn't a good idea to disturb Obi-Wan now. So he settled in and waited for him to acknowledge his presence.

The humming of the droid changed in pitch and grew slightly louder, signalling the end of the recharging process. Obi-Wan's whole being went into alert mode, and Qui-Gon had just enough time to see the small frown that told him his presence had been discovered before the droid attacked and Obi-Wan was lost in a blur of movement.

The droid was at its highest setting, moving with great speed and firing volley after volley more and more quickly. Obi-Wan evaded or deflected most of the bolts, but his movements had nothing of his usual grace, they were strictly functional, even edgy, as if he was hovering on the edge of exhaustion, and the dried patches of sweat all over the dress tunics told Qui-Gon that Obi-Wan had most likely been at this since he had left the party over two hours ago.

A bolt hit Obi-Wan's shoulder and Qui-Gon winced, another hit his ankle and Obi-Wan stumbled, fell, rolled and was back on his feet with a small pained hiss, deflecting two bolts and being hit full in the chest by a third.

Qui-Gon watched with increasing worry as Obi-Wan was hit again and again by laser bolts, scorching his clothes and his skin, making him stumble and wince in pain more and more often.

When a bolt hit his cheek, Qui-Gon couldn't hold back any longer. "Stop it!"

Obi-Wan froze mid-movement. Then he deflected two bolts perfectly, somersaulted over the droid's head and sliced it neatly in two with his sabre, coming to a halt with his back to Qui-Gon.

Shoulders heaving, muscles in his back rigid, Obi-Wan just stood there, quietly catching his breath. Qui-Gon could feel the tension radiating from him, from the muscle that twitched in his neck down to the way he gripped his lightsabre.

With a heavy sigh, Obi-Wan deactivated the sabre and very slowly turned to face him.

Stormy grey eyes met his, challenge, question, bone-deep exhaustion and ageless sadness all mingling in a gaze that seemed to go straight into Qui-Gon's heart.

He crossed the room swiftly until he was standing close enough to touch. With two fingers, he reached out to hold on to Obi-Wan's chin so the other Padawan couldn't look away. "Tell me. Please." Quietly.

Incredible, expressive eyes closed for a fraction of a second before boring into his with an oddly intense expression. "Are you sure you want to know?"

Qui-Gon swallowed. "Yes."

Obi-Wan sighed heavily and sank down to the floor, settling on his knees. Qui-Gon joined him on the floor, kneeling opposite his lover, a position that oddly reminded him of a time long ago, another exercise hall, heated sex and a serious discussion. Qui-Gon was wrenched back to the present by his lover's quiet voice.

"I don't really know where to start," Obi-Wan addressed his knees. "I - ever since we got here... no, that's actually not the whole of it."

He swallowed and ran a hand through sweaty reddish hair. "For some time now, I've had very disturbing dreams." He paused.

"I know," Qui-Gon said into the short silence.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, you don't. I'm sorry, but I haven't been completely honest with you, Quiggs." Short, hesitant glance up, blue- green eyes pleading for understanding. "I didn't exactly lie, but you assumed the dreams were all about the mission, and some of them were, but not all of them. I never contradicted your assumption."

Qui-Gon swallowed before speaking. "What did you dream about?"

Obi-Wan looked up, and this time the eyes stayed glued on his. "I don't really remember the dreams very clearly, but they all left me with an absolute sense of dread. They didn't feel like dreams, either, more like fragments of the future. I don't remember what happened in them, nor were they all the same, but two things I do remember very clearly. Fear. I was so afraid, especially when I woke up. And loneliness. Complete, utter loneliness. I was so achingly alone in these dreams. There was nobody there with me."

An almost tangible silence ensued while Qui-Gon tried to absorb what Obi-Wan had just told him. Before he had a chance to say anything or even figure out what it was he wanted to say, Obi-Wan spoke again. "Ever since we got here, these dreams have increased in frequency and intensity. They weren't dreams anymore, more like unconscious visions."

"Ben...,"Qui-Gon started, but Obi-Wan raised a hand to stop him.

"There's more. Ever since you mentioned the bonding ceremony to me, I've experienced moments of foreboding, anxiety, like cold hands gripping my heart and squeezing it. The Alderaanians have a saying about the feeling. 'Somebody walked over your grave'. Well, ever since we got here, I feel as if someone isn't just walking over my grave, but hacking at it with a vibro-axe, every strike telling me the same thing: I'll never have that. I'll never be happy and settled. I'll be alone, fight alone, win and lose alone, bear my burdens alone."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and bowed his head. Now it all made sense. The distance, the coolness, the edginess. It all came down to one simple fact. "You still doubt me."

Obi-Wan drew in a breath that sounded more like a sob. "I... I don't want to. I really don't want to, and I tried so hard to make it stop, just make it go away, but it won't."

The despondent sound of Obi-Wan's voice made Qui-Gon look up and meet eyes that looked at him, as nakedly pleading as Ben's voice, "I love you, please believe me, I love you with everything that I am, and I believe that you love me. I really do believe you, in you, I know you don't want to leave me, and I tried to silence the voice that says you will, but it just keeps on screaming at me and I don't want to listen, but it's too loud, even drowning out your voice."

There was too much space between them. Too much air, too much sound, too much of everything, and Qui-Gon cleared the physical distance in a blur of movement and hugged his sobbing lover tightly to him, cradling him to his chest and stroking down his back with infinite tenderness.

Obi-Wan crumbled into him, the mental shields between them crumbled with him and Qui-Gon was at once flooded with the cold dread that had been holding Obi-Wan in its clutches for days now.

He stroked Obi-Wan's hair, steadily answering whispers of, "I'm sorry," with his own whispers of soothing words of love and acceptance, "It's all right, love, shh, it's ok, Ben, I love you..."

After what seemed an eternity, Obi-Wan's tears stopped and they both drew back to look at each other.

Qui-Gon ran his hand through Obi-Wan's hair and gave him a soft smile. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. I knew you'd think I still doubt you after all this time." Obi-Wan's voice was little more than a whisper.

"I won't leave you. I won't." Qui-Gon said, taking Obi-Wan's hand in his and squeezing it tightly.

Obi-Wan said, "I know," but Qui-Gon felt his uncertainty and confusion, felt the visions edging on his mind, tearing him from the certainty of the moment.

"You still have doubts."

Ben sighed. "I want to believe in you. Us. I want to, so much."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes briefly. He really couldn't think of anything to reassure Ben, unless...

"Lifebond with me."

Obi-Wan's head came up, blue-green eyes wide and incredulous. "What?"

"Lifebond. With. Me." Qui-Gon enunciated every word very carefully.

"But..."

Qui-Gon stopped him with a finger on his lips. "No, hear me out. While I really can't think of another way to reassure you that I don't have any intention of ever leaving you, this isn't a spur of the moment thing for me. I've thought about this for quite some time now. I really want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, bonded to you in every way imaginable. I want to be with you always, love you, stand by you, help you. I want you with me now and forever, Ben Kenobi. I want to wake up with you every morning for the rest of my life and beyond."

Obi-Wan smiled shakily, close to tears once more. Qui-Gon smiled back and they kissed, tears and quiet laughter mingling on their joined lips. They drew back only when they both had to catch their breaths, and Obi-Wan smoothed back Qui-Gon's hair. "Quiggs..."

"Yes?"

Obi-Wan tilted Qui-Gon's head up and touched his lips lightly to his lover's, then looked into his eyes, serious once more. "I would love to lifebond with you."

Qui-Gon's smile faded a bit. He could fairly hear the catch in Obi- Wan's voice. "But..."

"But, we're both still very young, and this isn't a step one should take lightly. Now I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I know you feel the same, but I also know that neither of us is ready for such a huge step, neither emotionally nor spiritually."

Qui-Gon frowned, trying and failing to process what Obi-Wan was saying. "Does that mean no?"

"No. It means, 'I'd love to, but we're not ready.' We need time, Quiggs."

Qui-Gon sighed. "Time you're not sure we have."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I'm afraid so."

"Which leaves us a bit nowhere," Qui-Gon answered. "Unless..."

He pulled out the River Stone Master Rob had given him shortly before his death and held it out on his palm. "I will lifebond with you, Obi- Wan Kenobi. I promise you that, in flesh, blood, stone and the Force." The river stone began to glow.

Obi-Wan looked at the stone, then at Qui-Gon in stunned awe. Then he swallowed and laid his palm over Qui-Gon's, so that they held the stone between them. "I will lifebond with you, Qui-Gon Jinn. I promise you that in flesh, blood, stone and the Force."

They locked eyes, love and longing and determination reflecting back to each of them in the other's eyes. Their fingers closed more firmly around each other's and the river stone between their palms.

The stone flared brightly for a moment, then went dark again, unnoticed by the two lovers, who didn't take their eyes off each other as they moved in to seal their promise with a long, passionate kiss.

They were oblivious to the slight tremor in the Force that radiated out from their still joined hands like ripples in still waters, but every single Force-sensitive in the Palace felt a shiver run down their spine that made the hairs at the back of their necks stand up.

Obi-Wan felt the clinging anxiety that had held his entire being in its grip melt away under Qui-Gon's kiss, felt himself become warm again, felt himself relax and throw off the tension that had built up for days now. He breathed a sigh of relief and pure unabashed joy when they broke apart and the smile Qui-Gon answered him with was balm to his raw nerves.

"Want to go to bed now?" Qui-Gon whispered.

"We're engaged for five seconds, and already you want in my pants. Classic." Obi-Wan whispered, breathless, and contemplated that a day and a half were too long a time to live without the sound of Qui- Gon's laugh.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan sat side by side, watching the last of the three wedding ceremonies they had come here to witness.

While the pairs spoke their vows in their own words, without a priest or official, just purely personal emotion, Obi-Wan reflected that it seemed much longer than just three days since they'd arrived here. But then again, only last night seemed a thousand years ago.

He'd slept soundly and dreamlessly, securely in Qui-Gon's arms, and had been woken by his lover to a round of quiet, tender, intensely brain-meltingly pleasurable lovemaking, Qui-Gon's hands on him wiping away uncertainty and fear, his kisses giving him warmth and light he'd needed more than the breath they'd shared.

The strange feeling of foreboding hadn't returned, and he was feeling more relaxed and more optimistic than he had in months.

Surreptitiously, he reached for his lover's hand. Where's your clingy friend?

Qui-Gon frowned. Tahl? She left last night. They had to get back to their farm.

I see. Obi-Wan couldn't help the smile that crossed his face.

The corner of Qui-Gon's mouth quirked up. Jealous?

Not in the least. Just watchful.

Brat.

Yes. And you love me for it.

There was no arguing with that, and Qui-Gon knew it. The grip on Obi- Wan's fingers tightened and Qui-Gon smiled at him. Always.

Memories of last night flashed in front of Obi-Wan's eyes, and his smile deepened. Forever.

Hands clasped tightly, they looked into each other's eyes and Obi-Wan knew that whatever might happen in the future, they would both do everything in their power to fulfil the promise they'd made to each other last night. For now, though, he'd just sit here quietly and hold his lover's hand. At this moment, life was good.

End (for now)