Fates: A Loss of Innocence

by Raina

Archive: yes please, M_A; nuttersinc (anywhere else please ask for distribution)

Paring: Q/O

Category: Q/O, AU, Romance

Rating: PG-13...sorry, not that kind of innocence ;-)

Disclaimer: We don't own Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. We do sort of own Padawans Quiggs and Ben, though. Although we never make any money. Ever.

Feedback: Always welcome of course.

Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan deal with their issues. Finally.

Warning: None whatsoever.

Spoilers: Nope.

Notes: I would strongly recommend to read Fates: Clotho and Fates: A Fading State of Innocence first.

Series: Yes, Fates. Set about six months after Fates: Clotho and the day after A Fading State of Innocence.

Obi-Wan walked down the corridor towards one of the small training halls that were reserved for Council members and their Padawans. It was Tuesday and he was on his way to meet Qui-Gon for kata practice as he did every Tuesday afternoon. Though to tell the truth he would much rather have skipped today's session. He hadn't yet had time to ponder what exactly had happened last night. He sighed. Sometimes Quiggs was just such a damned enigma.

He remembered a conversation he'd had with Bant not a week ago. "You can't wait for him to make up his mind forever, Obi-Wan." Bant had said, and Obi-Wan had taken the advice to heart and had tried to find someone who would arouse his interest.

But then Qui-Gon had started to stare at him in a strange way and had reacted oddly when Obi-Wan had teased him, and Obi-Wan had been more confused than ever.

And then last night, when Obi-Wan had finally decided to end the stretch of celibacy - brought on by the simple fact that Obi-Wan didn't care to even look at anyone else since he'd met Qui-Gon Jinn - just when he'd found the perfect little boy toy to amuse himself with, just then Qui-Gon decided it was time to confuse him some more.

Damn the man, anyway. Obi-Wan had planned to amuse himself with& what was his name again... But when they'd reached the young man's quarters, all he could think about were Quiggs' blue eyes burning into his with a plea, "Don't leave."

Then he'd taken one look at Whatshisname and only saw how little the youth was like Quiggs and how completely uninterested he was in anonymous sex with a stranger he'd picked up in a bar.

Obi-Wan smiled. He was beginning to sound like Quiggs. His smile even widened when he thought about the bewildered look that had replaced the self-satisfied expression on the boy toy's face when Obi-Wan had said good night at the boy toy's front door. It was nice to disappoint the smug. He wondered dimly if Quiggs had ever felt this way about rejecting him. He shrugged. No matter now. He was actually glad that Quiggs had rejected him when they first met, for their friendship had given Obi- Wan an opportunity to get to know Qui-Gon. If they had slept together six months ago, Obi-Wan would more than likely have treated the affair as a casual fling, but what he wanted now from the taller Padawan was much more than just animal passion. He knew if he'd put his mind to it, he could have seduced Quiggs easily, but for once he was sick of being the hunter, sick of the game he played with his conquests. For once he wanted honesty, emotion. Besides, since Quiggs had made it quite clear that he only wanted Obi-Wan's friendship, it was necessary for the other Padawan to make the first step.

Obi-Wan entered the training hall, and one look at Qui-Gon's somewhat hung over appearance told him all he needed to know about the other Padawan's mood. Qui-Gon fixed him with a smouldering glance. He smiled. Jealous, are we? Well, then you should have said something, he thought.

He determined that he wouldn't speak about last night until Quiggs mentioned anything. He wouldn't make the first move. That didn't mean he couldn't have some fun, though. With a wicked grin, he went towards Quiggs and started to do his stretches.

Qui-Gon growled inwardly. He had a headache and Obi-Wan was grinning like he'd had the time of his life last night. His life had just reached a new low point.

His hangover was so bad that he'd almost called off the training session. Oh, be honest, he chided himself, you just didn't want to have to be in the same room with him, watching him moving and stretching and being so graceful and beautiful and knowing what he'd done last night.

Obi-Wan sauntered towards him with that walk, that little swagger of his hips that spoke volumes about the Padawan's easy self-possessed confidence. Qui-Gon groaned inwardly again. That walk should be illegal. Obi-Wan Kenobi's hips should be declared a weapon of the highest order, for they confused and hindered coherent thought.

Grinding his teeth, Qui-Gon pressed out a "Good afternoon."

Obi-Wan smiled at him. "Hello, Quiggs. How was your night?"

Qui-Gon wanted to hit him. His night had been a disaster. After Obi- Wan had left with the boy toy, he and Seda had devoted themselves to the all-consuming task of getting horribly drunk. But he'd be damned if he told Obi-Wan that. "Fine. Thanks," he replied somewhat grumpily. A voice in his head told him to be silent, but nevertheless he had to ask, "And how was your night?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "It was fine."

The younger Padawan started to do his stretches and warm-up exercises, but Qui-Gon couldn't move. He was too busy watching slender limbs moving gracefully through stretching exercises and trying not to imagine what said limbs had done last night or how said limbs would feel wrapped around his own.

Obi-Wan stilled for a moment and raised an eyebrow in Qui-Gon's direction. "Are you all right?"

Qui-Gon nodded, though inwardly he wanted to scream, No, I'm not all right. I'm jealous and it's driving me crazy to have you so close and yet out of reach. But of course he said neither of these things. Maybe that was his problem. He couldn't voice his thoughts though. Couldn't just tell Obi-Wan and ruin their friendship just because he was incapable of controlling his emotions. He was a Jedi for crying out loud. This couldn't be any harder than controlling fear or anger. No pun intended.

Obi-Wan resumed his stretching. Silently, Qui-Gon called himself all sorts of names for not being able to hold back his next question. "Did you have fun last night?" He didn't want to know that. Why had he asked?

Obi-Wan stopped mid-movement, turned around and answered in a completely nonchalant tone, "Well, you know, a gentleman..." he trailed off with a smile.

Qui-Gon clenched his teeth. See what happens if you can't keep your mouth shut, Jinn, he chided himself.

He couldn't tell Obi-Wan that in fact he didn't know anything at all about what a gentleman did or didn't do. He had grown up in the country, the nearest settlement had been a very small town and the number of human companions his age he found even remotely attractive had been very small. Additionally, his Master had never allowed him much free time, so Qui-Gon had virtually no experience with passion, which was one of the reasons he was so completely overwhelmed and confused now.

Obi-Wan took a step closer. "Are you sure you're all right?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes. Quite." It was an effort even to speak, but he managed, even if he didn't sound very convincing and wasn't able to meet Obi-Wan's eyes.

Apparently Obi-Wan believed him though for he turned back to his stretching exercises and Qui-Gon returned to watching. It was quite hot in the training hall, for the chamber was heated for Master Yoda's special requirements. Qui-Gon watched with growing horror as Obi-Wan slowly and lazily removed his thin exercise tunic and threw it at Qui-Gon.

"Could you put that aside, Quiggs?" he asked. Qui-Gon nodded mechanically and let the tunic drop unceremoniously onto a bench beside him.

The younger Padawan now centred himself in the Force and began a warm- up kata. Qui-Gon didn't move from the spot he'd been all but nailed to ever since Obi-Wan had entered the training room. He watched as Obi-Wan flowed through the kata, the Force surrounding him, flowing through him, making him the being of pure light he seemed to be in moments like this.

Qui-Gon's heart twisted in his chest. If he ever asked himself why he'd fallen in love with that impish, promiscuous bastard, here was his answer. Because he glowed. Out of every pore of his being he radiated, pure and soft light that seemed to permeate everything it touched, seeping through Qui-Gon's skin right down to his very soul. He closed his eyes. He could no longer watch. It hurt too much.

A hand on his shoulder made him open his eyes again. He met Obi-Wan's worried glance for the first time this day. "Quiggs, you don't look too good. Do you want to go back to your quarters and lie down?"

Qui-Gon almost laughed. Yes, he answered in his thoughts, if you keep me company. Aloud, he said, "No, it's all right. I'm just tired."

Obi-Wan smiled, reassured. "Good. In that case, hold that for a second."

He lifted his outstretched leg and put it in Qui-Gon's hands. Then he bent back and put his hands behind his back. Qui-Gon recognised what Obi-Wan was doing. He was practising a form of the Third Meditation Kata, something Qui-Gon should do himself, but he didn't have room in his head for katas.

Qui-Gon smiled involuntarily as he held on to Obi-Wan's leg. How like the young Padawan to initiate physical contact with as little ceremony as just now. 'Hold that'. Qui-Gon chuckled.

Obi-Wan straightened and smiled. "You seem to be feeling better. At least you're smiling again. But you should really get some sleep. After all, you had a long night yesterday."

Qui-Gon snorted. "And you didn't?" It wasn't a question. Not really. But nevertheless, as he met Obi-Wan's eyes, he held his breath.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Well, not as long as some others..."

Qui-Gon looked away. He didn't want to hear this. He was beginning to think of flight when a soft voice called his eyes back to Obi- Wan's. "Considering that I was home about half an hour after I left you in the club, it wasn't such a late night. I heard you and Seda got in at dawn."

Qui-Gon stared at Obi-Wan in disbelief. Had he just heard right?

Obi-Wan smiled. The hopeful disbelief in Qui-Gon's eyes was flattering. After taking in the hurt look in the other Padawan's eyes he had decided to stop teasing and come out with the truth.

"What about your companion?" Qui-Gon asked timidly.

Obi-Wan's smile widened. Finally they were getting somewhere. "What about him? I saw him home, said good night and went home myself."

All pretences of casualty and not caring were gone from Qui-Gon's voice and eyes as he asked, "So you didn't...?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, still smiling. "No. I couldn't. He wasn't..."

Qui-Gon swallowed audibly. "Wasn't what?"

Obi-Wan tilted his head to one side and took a long look at Quiggs. The other Padawan sounded so uncertain, so vulnerable. Finally everything that had happened lately clicked into place as Obi- Wan realised that Qui-Gon had been fighting his attraction to him, and apparently had at long last lost.

Stifling a triumphant grin, Obi-Wan decided to take a risk. "He wasn't you," he almost whispered. The look of stunned awe in Qui-Gon's eyes made six months of waiting for this very moment worth it.

Obi-Wan's smile grew even wider as he waited for Quiggs to process the new information. Which he did, with stunning rapidity.

Before he knew what had hit him, he was lying on the padded floor, covered with a blanket of Jinn, and Qui-Gon's lips covering his. It took Obi-Wan just a moment to recover from the shock of having six months' worth of fantasies become reality at last, then he opened his mouth and coaxed Qui-Gon's questing tongue to mate with his own.

Passionately, blindly, they kissed each other breathless, revelling in the taste and sensation of each other. Hands travelled over heated bodies, tangled in hair, in clothes, exploring, mapping, claiming as breath mingled and tongues glided over lips and danced with each other. The pent-up passion of months exploded between them as they both completely abandoned all pretence and gave themselves over to the exquisite pleasure of finally tasting each other.

Obi-Wan slowly came to some sort of rational thought as Qui-Gon's hand began to undo the fastening of his leggings. A voice inside his head screamed, No!

He tried to break away from Qui-Gon's demanding lips, but the other Padawan held him pinned to the floor with the sheer force of his arousal.

Clinging to the last shards of his control, trying desperately not to concentrate on the fingers that fiddled with the strings of his leggings, he called a bottle of water to his hand, used the Force to unscrew it and tilt it so that its content spilled over Qui-Gon's head.

Cursing like a Corellian space pirate, Qui-Gon drew back and wiped the water out of his eyes. "What the Sith did you do that for?"

Obi-Wan used the opportunity to draw back from Qui-Gon and tried to calm his ragged breathing, willing down his arousal to manageable levels. "This is going way too fast."

Qui-Gon looked up, hurt flowing into his incredible blue eyes. "Don't you want me?" he asked, his voice very quiet.

Obi-Wan couldn't hold back a chuckle. "Of course I want you. I've wanted you from the second I met you."

"What's the problem then?" Qui-Gon seemed no longer hurt, but confused.

"I want you, but not like this. Not in a training hall, not in a spur of the moment you might regret tomorrow. I want this to happen when we're both ready, not just horny," Obi-Wan said, his voice totally serious. "I want this when you really want it. When you really want me."

Qui-Gon drew closer and took Obi-Wan's hand. "I do want you. I have for a long time. It just took me a while to see that."

Obi-Wan smiled. "You can't imagine how often I've wanted you to say that to me."

Qui-Gon ran his fingers through Obi-Wan's hair, suddenly shy again. "I don't have much experience with this. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan squeezed Qui-Gon's hand reassuringly, "You don't need to be sorry, Quiggs. I just don't want to rush anything. Believe it or not, this -" he gestured between the two of them, "is quite new for me too."

Quiggs raised an eyebrow. "You? But you had a lot of... you know, experience." He blushed slightly, stumbling on the last word.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Yes, but this is different. This time I care."

"Oh." Qui-Gon smiled, and Obi-Wan's heart turned to water.

He leaned closer. "Yes. Oh." He smiled and touched his lips to Qui- Gon's, very softly, more a promise of a kiss.

Qui-Gon settled his hands in Obi-Wan's hair and rested his forehead against Obi-Wan's. "So what do we do now?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "I don't really know. I guess we could just wait and let things take their own course."

Qui-Gon smiled. "Sounds like a good plan."

He lifted Obi-Wan's chin with his fingers and kissed him. Slowly. Tenderly. Obi-Wan felt his heart tighten, and he swallowed back the lump in his throat. Nobody had ever kissed him like this before. He responded in kind, pouring all the helpless tenderness he felt into the kiss, reverently caressing Qui-Gon's tongue and lips with his own tongue, slowly memorising his new lover's smell and taste. They broke apart reluctantly for breath.

Qui-Gon once again gave him the smile that turned Obi-Wan's brain to mush and his bones to water.

"Slow is good. I like slow."

Then he kissed him again.

Obi-Wan could only heartily agree.