Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/kalyw
Rating: G
Archive: M_A Want it? Just ask me.
Classification: angst, first POV
Warnings: Angst; TPM spoilers
Series: No
Summary: Alone on Tatooine, one man thinks back on fate and
those lost along the way.
Feedback: Send the comments this way if you please :-) I love
emailing with ya.
Notes: This was written late last year Ð sometime in
December Ð and due to this and that, I'm just now getting
to revise and post it. Hope you like it.
Thank Yous: Cori for the beta, go marzilla! ;-) and thanks
kris for pointing out the type-o *g*
Disclaimer: One would have to wonder what drugs someone would
have been doing to think these guys belong to me ;-) From this
all I get is hopefully a few email LOC's :)
There are moments in my life when I would give all I've ever
known for the ability to forget my past mistakes. The pain of
death radiating across the stars singes my soul as harshly now
as it ever did all those years ago. The look in my once-Padawan
- friend's - eyes as I struck him into the molten flow haunts
me from my dreams even still.
Yet there were other, brighter moments in my life, although
sadly brief and fleeting, that stirred a part of my heart that
has long since been cold.
He was a great man that I lost. A noble warrior and
negotiator, yet above all he was still a man. He was as flawed
and imperfect as any of us, yet somehow he was greater than any
of those who surrounded us because of it.
I lived for over a decade of my life admiring the man hidden
behind the traditional robes - spirit, grace and power in a
single harmonious form. A misunderstanding before the Council
threatened to rip us apart. Yet it was when he was truly torn
from me, in the blink of cold yellow eyes, that my heart
broke.
Since that day I've lived for over two decades wanting nothing
more than what I took for granted before - him in my life.
Fate, the Force - each loves its irony. And its greatest irony
is to grant us that which we should cherish most, that which
makes us complete and life seem to attain perfection, only to
take it away without warning. From such a twisted knife can
blossom life's most crippling pains.
How often I've cursed that it was you who were allowed to fall
that day, instead of me. You ran ahead . . . I've never been
one to sit back watch helplessly, I always needed to be the one
in front, never more so than in that moment. And with that, I
am left only the fleeting wonder of how differently things
might have been, had you lived in my stead.
The time that we lost to our conflict, those last few days,
weighed most heavily upon me. If I had known, would I have
acted different in the face of the rift between us? My heart
screams yes. My heart has since been wizened by years of
solitude - most recently under the searing twin suns of a
barren desert world - and I know this to be true. While my
foresight might be limited, my hindsight is rarely
flawed.
Even after so much time, I remain true to those things we
fought, lived and, most importantly, loved for. You would have
accepted no less from me. You taught me a great many things
during the time we shared. Among them was that love, be it a
father for his child, or a man for his mate, knows no
boundaries, nor does it recognize the passage of time.
I do not long for death. My journey, however long it should
be, is not yet over. Destiny still holds something in its cards
for me. Yet, I have no fear of that end when it comes.
Long ago, Yoda was convinced that we were destined to be
together. It is said that a bond is true when the student
teaches the master. Rarely did I know my Master to be wrong,
but only once have I ever known a bond such as that to be true.
There are moments when I can still feel that bond burning deep
inside even after so long. This is how I know that your heart
is too boundless not to welcome me when my duty to young Luke
is done and this life complete.
That, my Obi-Wan, was and will ever be, your greatest gift to
me.
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