Fates - Being There

by Raina

Archive: yes please, M_A; nuttersinc (nowhere else)

Paring: Q/O

Category: AU, H/C, Romance

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: We don't own Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ben, Quiggs and Seda belong to Lea and me.

Feedback: Always a treat! raina_at@yahoo.de ]

Summary: Ben's worst mission yet is over, and Quiggs offers some comfort

Warning: Mush

Spoilers: a few for the Fates-Universe

Notes: One of our readers remarked on the lack of Hurt/Comfort. Well, here you go, enjoy.

Series: Yes, Fates. This takes place between "Chicken Soup" and "At Night", and while it's really sort of a stand-alone, some of it probably won't make sense if you haven't read the previous installments of the Fates-Universe.

Fates timeline found here: http://www.angelfire.com/theforce/nuttersinc/fates_timeline.html

Thank you's: Lea for the encouragement, the Quiggsmuse for the imagery and Tem-ve for the beta.

Qui-Gon lit the last of the many candles scattered all over the room. He looked around the small quarters they used for a hideaway with satisfaction. A warm glowing light infused the room, made it look less like unused Jedi quarters and more like the home he hoped he could one day share with Obi-Wan.

He checked the wine. It had the perfect temperature. The blankets were fresh and turned down, the candles were lit, all he had to do now was wait.

Wait for Obi-Wan to come home. It seemed that was all he had done since the other Padawan had gone on that blasted mission with Master Gallia and Seda almost two months ago. In all that time, he'd spoken with Obi-Wan twice, every time just a short "I'm still alive" from his clearly exhausted lover.

From what he'd gathered from his Master and what little Obi-Wan had been allowed to tell him, the mission had been highly dangerous and certainly very taxing. Which was why he'd arranged for this special welcome home. He knew Ben loved romantic gestures, making love by candlelight and the fruity white wine Qui-Gon's late Master had stored in his cellar. So Qui-Gon had made sure he'd get all that when he got home, which was today, for surely his lover would need a bit of winding down after this long mission.

Then there was the fact that Qui-Gon had missed him like crazy. Missed him so much that his insides had twisted at the sheer mention of his name, missed him so much that he had sneaked into Obi-Wan's room when Yoda had been out just to soak in his absent lover's Force presence. He desperately longed to hug Obi-Wan, to hold him close, hear his heartbeat, breathe in his scent, kiss these sweet lips, check off a whole list of things he'd like to do and experience with his lover tonight. He took a calming breath. Soon. Very soon.

Obi-Wan's ship had landed about a quarter of an hour ago, and Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan would come here as fast as he could. He would know where Qui-Gon would wait for him. It was tradition. Taking into account Master Yoda and post-mission briefing, Qui-Gon guessed Obi- Wan should be here in half an hour at the most. It had never taken him longer.

So Qui-Gon waited. Waited. And waited.

An hour passed, but Obi-Wan didn't come.

Another half of an hour went by, and Obi-Wan didn't come.

Qui-Gon was beginning to worry at the end of the second hour his lover was late, and carefully extended his mind along their lover's bond.

He was met by a wall of mental static that told him Obi-Wan was either meditating, asleep or didn't want to talk to him. Any of these three possibilities didn't appeal very much to Qui-Gon, so he extinguished the candles, grabbed his robe and went to look for his returned lover.

He decided to try the Gardens first, Obi-Wan often meditated there.

On his way there, he pondered what might have happened for Obi-Wan to abandon their post-mission rendezvous. He went through several scenarios, neither of them pretty, and was so absorbed in his thoughts that he almost ran over Seda.

He apologised, hugged her in welcome, then drew back to have a look at her. She looked dreadful, worn and tired, with dark shadows under her eyes. "Force, you look terrible. Was the mission that bad?"

Seda nodded, a sad look in her eyes. "It was horrible. A disaster. I'm not sure I slept at all on this Force-forsaken planet, and our assignment went to at least four of the seven Sith hells."

Qui-Gon hugged her again. "Have you seen Obi-Wan?"

Seda shook her head. "Not since we landed. Master Yoda was there to pick him up and the two of them just vanished together."

"Thanks." Qui-Gon said and sighed. He would have to find Obi-Wan on his own.

"How is he?" he asked Seda.

She gave Qui-Gon a serious look. "He's been better. I think the mission was even harder for him than for my Master and me. After all, he was the one..." she trailed off.

He gestured for her to continue. "He was the one what?"

She dragged him into a small alcove and sat them down on a bench. "This is classified, so it goes no further than you, clear?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "Of course."

"We were supposed to protect the opposition leader and her family from further assassination attempts. Master Gallia and I stayed with the main party of the opposition leader's followers, but Obi-Wan was dispatched to get her children and husband to the country, where they could be protected more efficiently. Obi-Wan had a huge squad of men with him, they travelled at night, never stayed at the same place twice, they took every precaution, but all in vain. They were ambushed shortly before they reached their destination and that was the last we heard of them for over a week. After that week we had given up on the whole party. We knew Obi-Wan was still alive, we would have felt his death, but we thought he was hiding out or trying to make his way back, which was correct in a way. So a week after the attack, Obi-Wan came stumbling into headquarters, exhausted, bloodied, clothes in rags, clutching his lightsaber in his hand and the opposition leader's four-year old son to his chest. He collapsed the instant he saw Master Gallia and slept for two days afterwards. From what the boy told us we gathered that Obi-Wan must have fought like a berserker, but when he saw that the situation was hopeless, he just snatched the child nearest to him and ran. Thirteen of the opposition leader's close family members were killed, two of her three children included. All of the soldiers died as well. In fact, of the 50 people who set out, only the boy and Obi-Wan survived."

Qui-Gon buried his face in his hands. "I take it he was upset."

Seda nodded. "He didn't say a word above what was strictly necessary ever since he came back. I think he blames himself that he left the others to die."

Qui-Gon looked up. "But he couldn't have done anything but die with them. At least he saved one life. Not to mention his own."

Seda shrugged. "I know, and intellectually, so does he, but knowing it and feeling it are two different things. Now go and find him, and let me find my own cuddles."

Qui-Gon smiled and laid his hand on her shoulder. "I think Dun is in the library."

She smiled sincerely for the first time that night."Thanks."

She went off to look for Dun and he continued his search for his own lover.

Night had fallen many hours ago, therefore the Gardens in this part of the Temple were almost empty. Qui-Gon wandered through quiet paths, through thick undergrowth, into the centre of the Garden. He opened himself to the Living Force that flowed strongly within him and unerringly felt his way towards the feel of the life force he was looking for.

He noticed that the faint aura he was following led him deeply into the meditation gardens, a favourite spot of Obi-Wan's. Before they had found the empty quarters, they had often met there. Even in the garden's busiest hour, this corner was always quiet and made one almost forget that the sky above was fake and only a projected view of Coruscant's real night sky.

The light of three moons were all that illuminated the garden, but when Qui-Gon came upon a small clearing, he could see his lover as clearly as if it had been day.

The scene before him touched his heart deeply. Obi-Wan was fast asleep, his head resting in Master Yoda's lap. The ancient Jedi's three-fingered hand caressed his student's hair while he slept, ancient eyes sad and full of warmth. Obi-Wan lay curled up in an almost fetal position, hugging himself in his sleep, his head leaning into his Master's soothing caresses.

Qui-Gon's heart contracted. He had missed Obi-Wan so much, and yet, he was uncertain if he shouldn't turn around and leave again. He really wanted to go over to his lover and the ancient Master and take up his share in looking after Obi-Wan, wanted to give comfort to him, but he couldn't. As far as everyone else was concerned, he was just a friend of Obi-Wan's. He didn't have the rights of a lover, mainly the right to go over there and take Obi-Wan into his arms, to intrude on the Master's moment with his student.

He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, leaning against a tree. He couldn't just walk away, but he couldn't go out there either. Maybe if he waited, Obi-Wan would wake up and he could pretend to causally stroll their way and meet them.

He sighed. This situation was one of the main reasons why he hated having to hide their relationship. He hated sneaking, lying, pretending, especially about Obi-Wan. But he knew there was no other way. The Order would separate them, never send them on missions together anymore, maybe transfer either of them to another Temple. Even though Yoda had never forbidden Obi-Wan to see Qui-Gon, the Council wouldn't be thrilled to learn that they had gone against the recommendations of the Ancient One. They would separate them as a sheer precaution, to make it easier for them to follow the will of the Force.

Shaking his head, he settled down into the grass. He might as well meditate if he had some time to kill. He closed his eyes and turned his focus inward.

"Felt you there, I have. Come closer, you may."

The voice snapped Qui-Gon's focus back to the here and now. He opened his eyes and for a moment contemplated flight. But he knew that running from Yoda was pointless.

He stepped out of the shadow of the trees and bowed to the Jedi Master. "I'm sorry, Master, I didn't want to intrude." He kept his voice low, trying not to wake Obi-Wan.

Yoda nodded. "Worry about that, you should not. Sit down, you should. Looking up all the time, bad for my neck it is."

Qui-Gon smiled slightly and sat down.

Yoda tilted his head to one side and looked at Qui-Gon for a long time. When he spoke, his voice was kind and quiet. "Glad I am that friends you still are with my Padawan. Friends he needs in what awaits him."

Qui-Gon dared to ask, quietly, "Master, what did you see for him?"

Huge, sad, ageless eyes met Qui-Gon's. "Much to do he has. Great weight I see on his shoulders. A task the Force has set him, and need he will every ounce of strength I or anyone else can impart."

Qui-Gon swallowed and lowered his head to hide how much Yoda's words were affecting him. He didn't always see eye to eye with Yoda and his predictions, but he knew the Ancient one loved Obi-Wan every bit as much as he did, though very differently, and that made him respect the old Master greatly.

A heavy sigh brought his eyes back to Yoda. The Master lowered Obi- Wan's head gently to the grass and rose from the ground, leaning heavily on his stick. "Hear Master Gallia's report, I must, to decide how to salvage the situation Master Gallia has gone to investigate. Council meeting has been called."

Yoda walked over to Qui-Gon and laid a hand on the Padawan's shoulder. Qui-Gon was sitting, so they were eye-level, and Qui-Gon found himself once again locking eyes with the ancient Master. "Look after him, you will?" Yoda asked softly.

Qui-Gon almost jumped with surprise. "Certainly, Master. I will watch over him until you return."

Yoda shook his head. "All night, I will be away. Escort him to his room, you should."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes, Master."

Yoda nodded and started to walk away. Before he reached the path, he turned back to Qui-Gon.

"Precious, this one is. To the Order and to me. Careful be with him. Gentle. Seen too much for so young a soul. Heavy it has become. Help him, we all must." Again, Yoda met his eyes, and this time, Qui-Gon had the distinct impression that the Master was saying much more than his words were conveying. Not for the first time, Qui-Gon wondered exactly how much Yoda really knew about him and Obi-Wan.

He nodded solemnly at the Jedi Master and apparently that was good enough, for Yoda turned and left.

Alone at last, Qui-Gon thought and scooted over to his still sleeping lover. Very gently, with the help of the Force, he lifted Obi-Wan's head until it rested on his thigh. He stirred slightly, but didn't wake up, giving Qui-Gon an idea of how exhausted he must be.

He laced his fingers through Obi-Wan's hair and spent a long time just looking at his sleeping lover.

Even through concealing Jedi tunics, Qui-Gon could tell that Obi-Wan had lost some weight. He was pale and even in sleep there were dark circles under his eyes and a nervous twitch around his mouth that spoke of an unsettled mind.

With his 23 years, Obi-Wan was far from a child, he had seen and experienced much in his life as a Jedi, but right now as he lay asleep, he looked so very vulnerable, so young and in need of protection. Qui-Gon remembered a night long ago, sitting in his quarters, watching Obi-Wan sleep, tawny head resting on a volume of Jedi Philosophy.

It had happened, then. That moment, when he knew he'd fallen in love with this impossible brat of a Padawan. That first impulse of protectiveness, of wanting to hold, to comfort, to be there for him, take away everything that made his heart heavy.

Much had changed, but this hadn't. He still wanted nothing more than to protect Obi-Wan from all that may harm him.

He leaned down to bury his nose briefly in Obi-Wan's hair, to inhale deeply of his lover. Obi-Wan's hair smelled of rainwater and himself, a heady scent, a scent that spoke of home to Qui-Gon. Home. That was the way he envisioned it, coming home. Not to the temple, or the Order, but to Ben.

With a smile, he remembered a conversation he'd had with his old Master. Qui-Gon was thirteen at the time, and puberty had hit him with a vengeance. They'd talked about the basic facts of life and love, and Master Rob had given Qui-Gon a lot to think about when he'd said, after being asked for advice about Qui-Gon's developing sexuality and the ways to deal with it, "You've got a problem here, my boy. You're not the type for flings. You're the kind that mates for life."

Of course the man had been right, as he'd always been about Qui-Gon. The distinct possibility that it would not happen hadn't weakened his ability to dream about his future with Obi-Wan. A future where they were always together, bound to each other in every way possible, in life, love and duty.

He had never spoken of his wishes; he didn't want to upset the balance they had reached. He didn't even want to think about the future now; he just wanted to take in his lover's presence after having missed him for so long.

Obi-Wan stirred in his sleep, turning to his back, but still sleeping on.

Qui-Gon smiled at Obi-Wan's face, relaxed in sleep. He gently traced a thumb over Obi-Wan's lips, careful not to wake him, and put his other hand over his lover's chest to feel his heartbeat, a sound Qui- Gon had often fallen asleep to, head resting on the spot his hand now occupied after a round of passionate lovemaking.

He focused on the steady thump of his lover's heart and the feel of Obi-Wan's silky hair to his palm and just let himself drift, soaking up his lover's presence. And Obi-Wan slept on.

Qui-Gon didn't know or care how much time passed, he was only aware that it must be very late, but he'd not planned to sleep this night anyway. He was perfectly content, though, to just sit here and watch over Obi-Wan's sleep, listen to him breathing and feeling Obi-Wan's warmth against his leg.

The peace he felt in this moment was only disturbed when Obi-Wan stirred and started to murmur in his sleep, low frantic words Qui-Gon couldn't understand. Qui-Gon sighed. Nightmare.

He touched Obi-Wan's shoulder, "Wake up, love."

Slowly, he felt Obi-Wan's consciousness rise to wakefulness, and stormy blue-green eyes opened to look at him.

Obi-Wan's frown was immediately replaced with a sleepy smile.

"Hi," he whispered.

Qui-Gon smiled. "Hi yourself."

Obi-Wan stretched a bit, but didn't make a move away from Qui-Gon. He tilted his head and looked at his lover with a contemplative air. "Not that I'm complaining, but when I went to sleep, the person serving as my pillow was a lot shorter and a lot greener."

Qui-Gon chuckled. "Master Yoda was called away on urgent Council business, and I happened to be in the vicinity, so he asked me to have an eye on you."

Obi-Wan raised his hand to Qui-Gon's face and traced his thumb along the other Padawan's cheek. "Sorry I didn't come to you, Quiggs. I was just so tired," Obi-Wan said with a soft smile.

Qui-Gon dismissed the apology with a shrug and turned his face to kiss Obi-Wan's palm. "Never mind, love. I know you had a rough mission."

Obi-Wan shuddered, and whispered, "That's an understatement if ever I heard one."

Qui-Gon ran his hand through Obi-Wan's hair and asked quietly, "Nightmares?"

Obi-Wan nodded, but didn't meet his eyes. Instead he stared up at the fake night sky. "I love this garden. It's so quiet here. It always feels like nothing bad could ever happen here." His voice was little more than a whisper and Qui-Gon had to strain to hear him.

The hand that had rested on his cheek travelled down his arm until it entwined with Qui-Gon's fingers over Obi-Wan's heart. "Especially with you here.." he whispered, squeezing Qui-Gon's hand.

Qui-Gon leaned down and kissed Obi-Wan's forehead. "As long as I'm around, nothing bad will happen to you, at least not while I have breath to prevent it."

Obi-Wan tilted his head backwards and whispered, "Kiss me, Quiggs."

Qui-Gon rested his free hand on the back of Obi-Wan's neck and touched his lips softly to his lover's. The kiss was long and sweet, filled with warmth and tenderness. Only when they both needed to breathe did Qui-Gon draw back and look into his lover's eyes, glistening with moisture.

A single tear ran down Obi-Wan's cheek and Qui-Gon wiped it away tenderly. "Do you want to tell me?"

Obi-Wan sighed and looked at the fake stars again, his head still resting on Qui-Gon's thigh. "How much do you know?"

"Seda told me what happened. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it." Qui-Gon's voice was as low as Obi-Wan's, no more than a murmur in the night. Obi-Wan just nodded.

For a long time, they were silent, Obi-Wan still holding their clasped hands over his heart, his other hand playing idly with a strand of grass, Qui-Gon's fingers threading through Obi-Wan's hair.

Then Obi-Wan started to speak, his voice quiet but steady, and strangely detached. "The worst thing was the smell. Burnt flesh everywhere around me. They used fire grenades to attack us. My hair got singed. Burning hair smells awful. And then the screams. They're what make me wake up at night. Ruban, the little boy I saved, he screamed for his father every minute he was awake, for two days. I couldn't bear it so I put him to sleep regularly. He kicked and bit me when I dragged him away from the carnage around us, screaming for his family. I just put him under, shouldered him and ran. I didn't look back. Not once. I don't know how they died, only that they did." He fell silent again.

Qui-Gon didn't know what to say or do, so he just squeezed the fingers that held his hand in a death grip and remained silent. Silence settled between them again, and when Obi-Wan started to speak again, Qui-Gon had all but given up on the conversation.

"I knew that I did the right thing. At a certain point, training just took over. 'If the situation is hopeless, get as many innocents out as possible and save yourself.' Easy advice. And I know I couldn't have done anything else. But it's difficult to learn to live with the screams."

Qui-Gon cleared his throat, and Obi-Wan looked up to meet his eyes. "When Master Rob died, I felt the same way. I knew it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have saved him, but I felt guilty all the same. Simply because I lived and he didn't."

Obi-Wan reached up and ran his free hand through Qui-Gon's hair, his eyes full of tenderness. "Do the nightmares still haunt you, love?"

Qui-Gon shrugged and smiled. "Sometimes. Only when I sleep alone."

"Then maybe we could face our nightmares together." Obi-Wan said with a smile of his own.

Qui-Gon raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed them. "I think we already are, love."

Obi-Wan smiled and shifted away from Qui-Gon's lap. He put up his arms around Qui-Gon's neck and pulled the other Padawan beside him to the grass. Eagerly, Qui-Gon followed his lover's lead and stretched out next to him, taking Obi-Wan into his arms and snuggling him close.

Entwined, they stayed awake for a long time, listening to each other's heartbeat.

As the sun's first rays hit the meditation garden, Qui-Gon finally followed his lover and fell into a peaceful, restful, dreamless sleep.

end