Series: no
Archive: Master And Apprentice,QJEB, any others please ask
first
Spoilers: none
Category: Pre-Slash, Humor
Rating: PG
Warnings: smutless ;)
Feedback: Much appreciated, and will definitely encourage
me:)
Summary: Qui-Gon cuts loose for a night and Obi-Wan exacts his
revenge.
Disclaimer: Owned by George Lucas, no money made, blah, blah,
promise to put them back after a bad night's rest.
Notes: A special thank you goes to Boots, who was kind enough
to give this little story a fair beta, when she wasn't laughing
at Qui-Gon anyway <eg>.
"I love you padawaan!" Qui teetered precariously on legs that
suddenly weren't going in the same direction as he was. His
young apprentice was having a hard time keeping him on his feet
as they headed back to their shared quarters. Suddenly, Obi-Wan
was slammed into the wall by his master's considerable bulk. He
grimaced when his master placed a sloppy kiss on his forehead.
"Uh, yes, Master, I love you too" the apprentice said, blushing
slightly as he disentangled himself from his instantaneously
amorous master. Once he realized for himself that the force
could and would come to his aid, he managed to convince his
master that walking right to their shared quarters was a great
idea with a small mental nudge to the master's mind.
'Must have been some party!' Obi thought to himself as he took
on most of his tipsy master's weight. Until tonight, he had no
idea that Qui-Gon could feel so heavy. The young man started
comparing his master to a sleeping hutt, and to a tranquilized
wild Bantha as his muscles strained under the extra baggage of
Qui-Gon Jinn's staggering form. No doubt Qui-Gon would be
suffering from a head-splitting hangover later in the morning.
Obi-Wan pulled back when his master stopped abruptly and
refused to move further. He looked up into his master's
confused face. He prayed the man wasn't about to vomit in the
corridors because from personal experience with his peers,
that's what usually happened when he saw that queasy look.
"Padawan-" Qui-Gon said, his voice slurred and he swayed until
Obi-Wan held him firmly by the shoulder. Obi-Wan added to his
litany of prayer to the force that the maintenance droids
wouldn't gossip if the inevitable happened.
"Yes, Master?" Obi-Wan did his best to hide the trepidation in
his voice.
"What day iz it?"
"Seventh day, Master"
"Well! That confirms it, I have an appointment with Master Yoda
today!" Qui-Gon said, then turned uneasily on his heel and
started to walk towards Yoda's quarters. Obi-Wan was quite
surprised to see him walk without help. He was pleased to see
that he wouldn't be having to clean up after his master after
all. The last thing he needed was his master's reputation being
tarnished by this incident. Qui-Gon continued his unsteady walk
down the halls under his padawan's watchful gaze.
"Sith!" Obi-Wan cursed when his master stumbled over thin air
and almost fell on his face.
"Padawan, where are you?" Qui-Gon crooned loudly, his arms
flailing for balance. Obi-Wan raced up to him, folding himself
under the man's right arm to help him keep his balance.
"Why there you are!" His master said and placed another kiss on
his face, this time on his cheek. The young man almost choked
on the strong smell of alcohol in his master's breath. Obi-Wan
held his comments for when he knew his master would remember
them. It was only a few minutes until they reached Yoda's small
apartment, as they didn't live far from Qui-Gon's old master.
"Master Yoda! I'm here for my appointment! Open up!" Qui-Gon
said too loudly for Obi-Wan's comfort. The young padawan was
quickly losing control of the situation and this flustered him
greatly. Certainly the elderly Master Yoda was not up for his
master's visit, and Obi-Wan tried in vain to pull Qui-Gon away
from the door. Suddenly, the door opened, almost causing
Qui-Gon to fall through the opened doorway had Obi-Wan not
caught him with massive use of the force.
"Watch your step, you shall!" A small, annoyed voice barked at
Qui-Gon, causing both of the Jedi to look down. Yoda, venerated
Jedi Master, stood watching them with squinting green eyes and
ears that drooped low in irritation at having been awakened.
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon both gawked at the sight before them.
Pink...a pink fuzzy cloth bathrobe and a pair of pink, even
fuzzier slippers that had long, oval ears sticking out of
either side were all that Yoda was wearing. If Obi-Wan weren't
so demeaned by his master's behavior, he would have hit the
floor laughing, but all he could do right now was try to
recover from the shocking sight of Yoda in pink.
"Master! I'm here for my 11th hour appointment!" Qui-Gon said
boisterously, waving the one arm that wasn't being held tightly
by Obi-Wan. Yoda glared at both the master and his young
padawan, the wrinkles in his green face deepening in a dark
frown.
Finally, the ancient master spoke. "The 3rd hour, this is!
Drunk as a hutt, you are, Qui-Gon Jinn, to your quarters, you
will go!" he screeched with a voice that brooked no argument
from master or padawan. Qui-Gon swayed and stared at his
padawan with glassy eyes.
"Is this true, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon blinked twice, as he tried in
earnest to clear his vision to no avail. "Are you embarrassing
me by letting me arrive too early for my appointment with the
little green troll?"
"Master!" Obi-Wan lamented, not caring if Master Yoda saw him
whine. Opening his mouth to speak again, Qui-Gon felt a sharp
pain in his shin.
"Ow!" Qui-Gon yelped, jumping as Yoda's gimer stick found its
intended target.
"To your quarters go, Qui-Gon Jinn!" Yoda snapped at Qui-Gon,
waving the stick frantically to threaten Qui-Gon with another
smack. Obi-Wan pulled on his master's arm to drag him away from
Yoda's quarters.
"I'll take care of him, Master Yoda" Obi-Wan said as Qui-Gon
allowed himself to be pulled away.
"See to that, you will!" Yoda grunted with disapproval, and as
soon as the master and padawan pair were away from the door, it
slammed shut.
"Well, that was rude!" Qui-Gon radiated astonishment at Yoda's
dismissal. Obi-Wan nodded his head. He was tired and his
frustration with his master was growing. It was still only 3 in
the morning and he didn't need any more trouble. Thoughts of
how he was going to manage the rest of the trip back to their
quarters plagued him. He helped Qui-Gon into the lift that
would take them to their quarters before his master realized
they were meeting Adi Gallia and Siri for lunch. It was
doubtful they would appreciate Qui-Gon banging on the door and
demanding lunch at 3 am.
"You'd think he'd be happy that I was early for the meeting."
Qui-Gon slumped against the wall, his long, wobbly legs unable
to support him.
"Master, being a little early is good, but you beat your
appointment by 8 hours!" The teenager snapped at him.
"Really?" His eyes blinked, focusing was so difficult after a
few drinks. He didn't realize he had 3 padawans, but there they
were, glaring at him. Obi-Wan eyed at him with an exasperated
look on his handsome young face. The tunics that his master
usually wore with such dignity were crooked and stained
horribly, his hair tie had become loose and had fallen off
somewhere between Yoda's quarters and the lift doors, and his
face had a thin sheen of sweat over it. Blue eyes that could
capture every nuance of conversation during negotiations were
dull and glazed with drink. As he examined the man, he tried to
discern what Qui-Gon had been drinking. From the brownish color
of the stains on the front of his tunic, it could have been any
number of strong liquors. He was distracted from his thoughts
when Qui-Gon moved.
A stray piece of long brown hair distracted Qui-Gon and he
flailed his right hand in a vain attempt to brush it out of his
face. Obi-Wan watched him, not making a move to help the man as
he was quite annoyed at Qui-Gon's lack of control. When the
lift doors opened, he grasped Qui-Gon's arm and pulled him out
of the lift compartment towards their quarters.
"There was a young man from Dantooine!" Obi-Wan cringed once
his master broke out into a loud, boisterous limerick.
"Whose eyes had a curious gleam!" Qui-Gon swung one arm out and
hung onto Obi-Wan tightly as the young man tried to manage both
the drunken master and punching in their access code.
"He said to the Hutt!" The older man shouted, his baritone, way
off key voice echoed down the hallway and Obi-Wan sighed in his
distress. He planned on having a few harsh words with his
master in the morning about getting singing lessons. 'Where on
Coruscant did he learn that limerick?' He wondered.
"Quiet, Master" he said to him harshly, as some of their fellow
Jedi were now peeking their heads through open doorways to see
what the matter was.
"As he wiggled his butt!" Qui-Gon shouted, ignoring his
apprentice wholeheartedly.
The door slid open and Obi-Wan pushed Qui-Gon into their common
room. Just as Obi-Wan turned around to close the door shut, his
master stuck his head out the door and shouted the last piece
of the limerick.
"That he was a wonderful fuck!" The few jedi that were watching
gasped in shock as Qui-Gon burst into laughter and was abruptly
pulled back into his quarters by his angry apprentice. Still
laughing uproarishly, Qui-Gon was having trouble standing and
leaned against the wall for support. Laughter got caught in his
throat and Qui-Gon started coughing hard.
"Sith!" Obi-Wan used the force to open the refresher door just
as his master stumbled into it. The young man flinched as his
master proceeded to throw up. He could only imagine what his
master drank that made him so ill. When he heard the fresher
unit flush, he had already filled a glass of cool water and was
waiting for Qui-Gon to leave the small bathing room when he
heard a loud moan. As he walked from the small kitchen unit in
the common room, Obi-Wan gasped and stood back from the doorway
at the sight his master made.
Apparently Qui-Gon had collapsed onto the floor after vomiting,
and the large man's body lie sprawled across the cool tile.
Obi-Wan galvanized himself into action and after placing the
glass of water on the sink near him, he crouched by his
master's form.
"Master! Qui-Gon!" He slapped the clammy face lightly to draw
Qui-Gon back to consciousness. The man moaned loudly and his
eyes slowly opened.
"Master, do you need a healer?" Obi-Wan asked as his master
struggled to sit up. Obi-Wan was beginning to fear for his
master's well-being. It was amusing to see him sloppy drunk,
but seeing the large man pass out was a scary experience for
Obi-Wan. The pale face and drawn features were enough to
destroy all thoughts of retribution for his earlier behavior.
Qui-Gon swayed until Obi-Wan stilled him with shaking hands.
The master shook his head.
"Nooo, Obi-Wan, I'll be all right. Wanna sleep" he mumbled, his
voice still slurred. He smiled dimly as his apprentice brushed
the hair that clung to his face away.
"Don't you scare me like that again, Master" the young man
whispered harshly.
"Won't" was the slurred reply. It was enough for Obi-Wan, for
the young man let out the breath he didn't know he was holding
since he'd entered the refresher. Calming himself, Obi-Wan
swallowed hard, hoping that since Qui-Gon had been ill, his
condition would improve. He rubbed the man's arm, the warmth of
his master's skin underneath his hand proving itself a salve to
his startled mind.
"Can you stand up?"
"Nope"
"Master, I have to get you into bed now. I want you to let me
help you out of those clothes" Obi-Wan told the man as he got
up. Summoning the force one last time for the evening, he
lifted his master's body and dragged him to his bedroom.
Qui-Gon grunted when he hit the surface of his large bed with
some speed. He laughed when he saw his three apprentices
struggle with the fastenings to his boots.
"You know, you'd think you could take off my boots far faster
between the three of you, Obi-Wan" he said, but Obi-Wan paid
him no attention. With a great tug, Obi-Wan pulled one boot
free, then went to work on the next. As he unfastened the last
buckle on Qui-Gon's left boot, he heard his master begin
snoring lightly. A faint smile crossed Obi-Wan's lips as he
spied his master as the man slept. He quietly went about
removing Qui-Gon's dark brown robe and light beige tunics. When
his master was bare save his rumpled leggings, Obi-Wan pulled
the covers over the sleeping man and turned to leave. Just as
the young man reached the doorway, Qui-Gon stirred.
"Obi-Wan?" The muffled voice sounded very small within the
large expanse of Qui-Gon's room.
"Yes, Master" he whispered as he turned back to look at
Qui-Gon, who was sprawled on his oversized bed in the same
position Obi-Wan had left him.
"Please, stay with me tonight" Qui-Gon requested, and without
thought of his own comfort, Obi-Wan crawled beneath the covers
and joined his master. Obi-Wan curled up against Qui-Gon's
side, throwing one arm across his chest. He took comfort in
Qui-Gon's slow, steady breathing that assured him that he was
fine, even if the morning will bring his poor master agony.
Obi-Wan was awakened when a very large leg hit him across the
thighs. His master had rolled over (again). Slightly annoyed,
Obi-Wan pushed away Qui-Gon's leg. He blushed slightly when he
realized that during the night, Qui-Gon had removed his
leggings. 'A naked Jedi Master is the last thing I want to deal
with this morning' he thought to himself as he moved away from
Qui-Gon. Even though the man was deeply asleep, he somehow
missed Obi-Wan's presence, and grumbled. A large arm ruffled
the sheets next to him. Obi-Wan sighed and came closer so his
master could sense his presence. Once again, he found himself
pinned underneath Qui-Gon.
"Master, I assure you I am not a pillow! Please get off of me!"
Obi-Wan snapped and gave up on sleeping as he pushed Qui-Gon
away.
"Sorry, Obi-Wan" Qui-Gon's voice could barely be heard because
his face was against the pillow.
"It's all right" Obi-Wan muttered under his breath as he stood
up and staggered sleepily out of the room to make some
breakfast.
Qui-Gon considered going back to sleep until he realized how
badly his head pounded. His ears were ringing, and since when
did he eat garbage that his mouth tasted like it? His eyes
flared into pinpoints of pain when he opened them. Groaning
loudly, Qui-Gon shut his eyes, but he could tell that it was
late morning from all the sunlight pouring into his room. The
party may have been fun, but was it too much to ask not to
suffer? Memories of last night pervaded his mind,...Mace's
birthday party. Adi Gallia sitting on his lap, feeding him red
candies. Mace's endless supply of Corellian Spice Rum...and
very little else after drinking several glasses of the latter.
His young apprentice, thank the force, had taken him home,
where he ended up in bed with him. Wait...that's when he
realized his lack of clothing. Pieces of what might have
happened during the previous evening floated through his
tortured, barely working mind.
Uttering a curse that would make a Hutt blush, Qui-Gon buried
his head deeper within the pillow. 'The council will have my
balls hanging from their gleaming tower if they found out!' He
thought to himself, whimpering as the headache got
progressively worse. With timing that would have impressed
Qui-Gon if he wasn't in horrible pain, Obi-Wan came walking
into the room, setting a small tray down on his bedside table.
Without being asked, Obi-Wan drew down the shades of his one
small window so only a soft, muted light filtered in.
"Master, are you awake" his young apprentice whispered, and
Qui-Gon smelled the fresh coffee that he had made. Obi-Wan
chuckled at the loud groan that issued from his master. He had
sense the older man's alarm, and the reason for it just as he
entered the room. Though Qui-Gon was sober, his shielding was
miserable because of his pounding head. A quick, easy revenge
made itself clear to Obi-Wan as he helped his ailing master sit
up. Qui-Gon looked horrible, his features were drawn and pale,
his eyes were bloodshot.
"Think you can handle a little coffee and toasted bread,
Master?"
"Mmm, the coffee smells wonderful" Qui-Gon stared at Obi-Wan as
he took one of the mugs and gave it to him. After a few sips,
he was feeling better. Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the bed and
drank slowly from his own mug. The young man's eyes never left
Qui-Gon's face, and that was beginning to worry him.
"Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Master?" The young man's handsome face lit up with a
smile. Qui-Gon felt too awful to return it.
"Thank you for the coffee, Padawan" he said, wondering just how
to breach the subject of how he ended up naked in bed with his
seventeen-year-old apprentice. "I wonder what makes you so kind
to your hoary old Master" he said, hoping for the usual
"Nothing, Master, just wanted to help." answer, but the look in
Obi-Wan's face told him already it wasn't going to be that
easy. Obi-Wan smiled brilliantly and blushed as he ran a hand
through his sleep tussled auburn hair.
"Well, Master, it was the only way I could think of to thank
you for the best night of my life" Obi-Wan stated, then pursed
his lips in a very sexy fashion. Unfortunately for Qui-Gon, he
had just taken a sip of his coffee when the full meaning of
what his apprentice had said hit his poor, fevered brain. Panic
raced through him, bringing back that hellish headache and it
caused him to choke. 'Force! I knew it, I'm a dead man!' While
sex with a padawan was not expressly forbidden, sex with an
underage padawan was another story entirely. A bad, scary,
expelled-from-the-Jedi-Order story. He sputtered and coughed
and nearly hacked up a lung when the hot liquid went down the
wrong tube. Obi-Wan went to his master's side and grasped the
mug his master was holding, then set it down on the table so it
didn't spill. He began patting his master's back as he tried to
help the older man but then he started laughing. When Qui-Gon
recovered from his coughing fit, he saw that his padawan was
lying on the floor laughing so hard that he was clutching his
stomach. This was not exactly the reaction he expected from his
apprentice after last night's indiscretion. The young man
stopped for a moment when he felt his master's piercing glare
on him, but Qui-Gon's face was so perplexed it made him laugh
all over again.
"Padawan?"
"Yes, Master? ::chuckle::" Obi-Wan sat up and wiped the tears
of laughter from his eyes.
"I don't see what is so funny here" Qui-Gon practically growled
at him.
"I do" was the only answer he received. He did his best
impression of an angered jedi master, but then his head started
to hurt so badly that he was only able to reach up with a
shaking hand and touch his forehead to make certain that it
truly hadn't split open.
"Obi-Wan, this is not funny."
"The look on your face when I said that, Master, oh it was
priceless!" Obi-Wan said as he got up off of the floor. The
huge grin on his face did little to assuage Qui-Gon's ill
temper. Before Qui-Gon could think of a retort to that
particular comment, Obi-Wan bent over his master, and kissed
him on the forehead lightly.
"Nothing happened, my dear Master" he said with a bright smile
as he handed Qui-Gon back his coffee.
"What?" Qui-Gon's eyes blinked owlishly as his apprentice sat
down on the chair near his bed. He wished he could wipe that
grin off of his apprentice's face, but Obi-Wan was clearly
enjoying his discomfort.
"Master, I was joking. Nothing happened between us last night."
Obi-Wan took a long drink from his coffee, giving Qui-Gon time
to process this information.
"Force, I've finally rubbed off on the boy" Qui-Gon muttered so
low that Obi-Wan could barely catch what he had said.
"What was that, Master?"
"I think you've finally got a sense of humor, Padawan" was
Qui-Gon's answer, and Obi-Wan snorted.
"Yes, and when you meet with Master Yoda in an hour, we'll see
if the green troll also has a sense of humor" said Obi-Wan with
an evil grin. Qui-Gon looked aghast, his mouth was hanging
open.
"Tell me I didn't show up at Yoda's door, Obi-Wan"
"I don't have to, Master Yoda will!" Obi-Wan finished his
coffee and turned to leave. "I have to get ready for my
astrophysics class, I suggest that you prepare for that
meeting."
"Yes, Padawan" he grated out, his voice suddenly dry at the
thought of just how that meeting with Yoda was going to be.
Obi-Wan left him to his ragged thoughts, still wearing that
triumphant grin. 'Extra saber practice, extra meditation is the
key to wiping that look off of his face.' Qui-Gon thought to
himself as he settled back onto the pillows. He couldn't help
but be proud, his padawan finally had a sense of humor. Such a
serious, dedicated young man needed a good laugh now and then.
Perhaps just meditation on the evils of teasing his master.
Yes, that was a good idea.
Archive 