Master Apprentice
Archive
Do What You Think You Cannot Do
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I make no monetary profit from my fan writings
Rating PG
Do what you think you cannot do.
I hear your voice inside my mind. I have done so many things that I thought I could not, thanks to you, Master, but this I cannot do. I cannot live without you, Master.
Do what you think you cannot do.
Master, I can't ... You once told me there is no such word as can't. But I can't do this. I can't! I tried, Master, I really did. I pretended it didn't happen, that you were alive and well. I even talked to you, but in truth I spoke to the wall. Were you there the night I got drunk and injected a death stick after you died in my arms? I really couldn't have cared whether I lived or died, but I knew you would care, so I pulled myself together, for Anakin. For you.
I wipe bitter tears from my face, knowing you will never be there to console me, to hold me, never to hear you speak to me again. Master, I cannot live without you. I sigh to myself as I hear your words again in my mind. I take a deep breath as I sip my diluted pallie juice. Okay, Master, I'll try. It won't be easy, but I'll try to live without you. And now I hear Master Yoda's voice. Do or do not. There is no try. I put down my juice. It seems I cannot escape. You told me it would be a hard life, but never did I imagine it would be without you. Why couldn't it have been me? Why couldn't Maul have killed me instead? Why was I meant to go on without you? I hated him, Master for the longest time, for what he did to you, but I had to let it go. Hate leads to the Dark Side, I know.
And Anakin, I feel I failed you. I had to kill him, Master, kill my own Padawan. Was he the Chosen one? I'm sure if you trained him he would not have turned. I sip my juice again and sigh, twirling the silver cup.
But I know I must live without you, but not without the knowledge that your spirit never died. I don't want to wallow in my own self pity, Master, however much I miss you and love you, but if I know you, your spirit never left my side. You were there with me when I almost wasted myself that night, protecting me, you were there with me when I was taken to the shelter to recover. You were there with me the day Anakin turned. You were there with me all the time.
"Always, Obi-Wan."
"Master?" I stand.
You appear before me and I realise that you had not come to me before, as you were allowing me space to grieve. Always so considerate. You smile warmly. I missed your smile.
"I miss you, Master." Tears fall from my eyes.
Your glowing arms embrace me and I feel your warmth.
"I don't know if I can go on."
"Of course you can, Obi-Wan. Do what you think you cannot do."
And now I know I can, because I don't have to live without you, Master as you are always by my side.