Dental Serenade

by Desdemona ( desdemona371@yahoo.com )

RATING: PG-13?

CATEGORY: Humor (well..its SPOSED to be funny...)

PAIRING: Qui/Obi implied

SUMMARY: Rough sex leads to dental intervention...And singing.

DISTRIBUTION: M_A if they want it

A/N: This is the horrid result of a challenge I was asked to give to some irc friends. They turned on me and compelled me to write my own. Challenge line: "He can't sing, but he sure can fuck." Words to include: haircut, racoon, vacuum cleaner, dentist, rugburn. Apologies for any anachronistic stuff (dentists? Vacuums? whatever!) Written in 30 mins, no beta, all mistakes belong to mama.

"Fuck! Oww, Master, you didn't have to hit me so hard!" Obi-Wan complained, holding his jaw.

His master had the good graces to look embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Padawan...I guess I got a bit carried away, in the heat of the moment..."

Kenobi glared at him as he got up from the floor. "Between this and the rugburn from two days ago, people are going to think you're abusing me."

Qui-Gon began to laugh but turned it into a cough at the last minute. "Well, I am, at your request..." He gazed at the clock. "Come, padawan. Let's just...Go to sleep. We can't stay up all hours doing this. The dark patches under your eyes are starting to make you look like a racoon." He held out his hand and his apprentice took it, still rubbing his jaw with his other and eying his master with a very unhappy _expression.

As Qui-Gon pulled him to bed, Obi-Wan glanced around the room and grimaced. "Tomorrow we have to have the vacuum cleaner droid come clean this up. It looks like a war took place in here..."

Qui-Gon pulled the younger man to him and nuzzled his hair as he whispered, "Well, in a way, it did, Obi-Wan. Come...Let's for sleep..."

Obi-Wan winced as he brushed his teeth the next morning. He dragged into the dining room and sat down heavily, glaring at his master.

Qui-Gon stopped mid-chew and swallowed hastily. "What?"

"You chipped my tooth."

"Huh?" Qui-Gon looked confused.

"When you hit me last night. During our little sex-play? You chipped my tooth!" Obi-Wan didn't look pleased.

Qui-Gon tried to convey regret, but chuckled instead. "I am sorry, Obi-Wan...But you DID ask me to hit you..." His apprentice's glare intensified. Qui-Gon sighed. "Well. Let's go to the healers then. The dentist there will fix you up..."

Obi-Wan growled. "I hate the dentist."

"Everyone does, Padawan, now, come on..." Qui-Gon got up and motioned for his apprentice to follow. Finally, the younger man did, following his Master through the hallways with a look on his face that no one could mistake for anything other than abject misery.

Qui-Gon sat in the waiting room, listening to his padawan argue with the dentist. Finally the healer seemed to convince Obi-Wan that the tooth needed filled, and yes, there would be drilling involved. He smirked, feeling a kinship with the hated dentist. A contest of wills with Obi-Wan was always an exercise in frustration.

The last thing he heard before the healer's apprentice closed the door between them was Obi-Wan yelling, `Use the gas! I *demand* you use the gas!". This was followed by some thrashing sounds, and Qui- Gon found himself laughing outright at his Padawan's expense. The receptionist glared at him,and he tempered his laughter into strained, badly-hidden coughing.

Twenty minutes later, the door reopened. Qui-Gon quirked an eyebrow as a quavery voice wafted through to the waiting room. It sounded like Obi-Wan, but...He was singing. Badly.

The off-key warbling got closer and Qui-Gon leaned to the side to look down the hallway. His apprentice was being huddled down the narrow passage, assisted by the healer's padawan. He WAS singing, softly, "Ohhhhh....It was my very first haircut as a pad-a- waaannn....But Master never told me all my hair'd be gooone...."

Finally they reached Qui-Gon, and the healer gently tranferred his burden to the Master. "He *insisted* on the gas, and we gave him a lot, mostly to shut him up. He's going to be happy for a few hours yet. Just...take him home and get him to bed."

Qui-Gon smiled. "Oh, don't worry. I will." He nodded at the healer and slowly escorted Obi-Waan out. He hoped he would not be badly serenaded all the way home.

He was, of course.

Obi-Wan snuggled into the bed, mumbling nonsense. Qui-Gon turned off the light and left him, softly closing the door. He returned to the common room, and sat down heavily next to Mace.

Mace smiled and chuckled. "Good thing you got him home. When I heard that horrid `singing' coming down the hall, I thought maybe a wild doobunk had gotten into the Temple." He took a sip of tea and leaned back on the couch. "How did he manage to get a tooth chipped, anyway? In the middle of the night, alone with his master, I wonder?" The Councillor asked, a sly smile crossing his face.

Qui-Gon only grinned. His friend knew full well how such a thing would have happened.

"Oh you know Obi-Wan. He can't sing...But he sure can fuck."

End