Series: Simple Questions
Pairing: QG/OW
Category: Humor, Pre-Slash
Rating: G
Archive: Yes to MA and anyone else who's interested. Just let
me know!
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Summary: It's all in the eye of the beholder...
Feedback: Yes, please! Always appreciated!
Disclaimer: These characters are so not mine. They belong to
Lucas That Is. I make nary a cent.
Note: Obi-Wan is fifteen.
"Let's see, now... The Sindithi place their women to the left
of the Highest High, but to the right of the Most Exalted. So,
that means the Lady Pantill should go next to..."
The sound of raised voices from the common room intruded upon
his concentration and, head turned, Qui-Gon listened for a
moment.
"Is, too!"
"Is not!"
"Is, too!"
"Is not!"
Qui-Gon grimaced. Leave it to Master Puuder's Padawan to ever
take the negative in any conversation. Or, as might become the
case here, any argument. But he needed some peace to finish
this placement diagram for the Senate Reception, so...
"Padawans!" Ringing sounds of silence greeted his ears.
"Please keep your discussion within a moderate decibel level. I
have important things to do in here!"
"Yes, Master." The duet of young voices sounded most contrite.
Qui-Gon smiled. Mastering was quite a simple thing, really.
Those Jedi who cringed away from taking a Padawan were
obviously nothing but cowards. Now, that list...
"If I place Lord Nunzi next to the Pepit't Potentate, that
would keep him away from his wife, which should make everyone
happy. Check. And if Senator Snrkrkn... Damn! Not again!"
The argument taking place in the common room seemed to be
escalating from simple taunts to outright vehemence.
"Is, too!"
"Is not!"
"Is, too!"
"Is not!"
Qui-Gon knew he should have sent Shek 'Li home before this,
but since Obi-Wan had few opportunities to mix with young
people his own age, even the chance to interact with the less
likable fellow should have been a fine opportunity to hone his
social skills. Capping pen and ink, he took a deep calming
breath and went to see what all of the fuss was about.
As Qui-Gon entered the room, both Padawans were posed in
decidedly confrontational stance, faces flushed, eyes bright.
His own charge was attempting to have the last word.
"Well, my Master's is bigger than your Master's! And
I'll bet it's bigger than anybody's!"
Two things happened inside of Qui-Gon's head at that moment.
The first was the automatic impulse that allowed him to say
sharply, "Boys! Stop, this instant!" The second was the blip of
synapse that went that went '...my Master's is bigger...' For
several seconds his thoughts went sorting themselves into some
semblance of order as he absorbed the apparent gist of the
argument. Blinking rapidly, he steadied his breathing and
looked at the pair, now turned toward him, chagrin written all
over their faces.
The first time Qui-Gon opened his mouth, nothing came out. The
second time was a little better. "Padawan Bu'deet, I think it
is time you went home. I believe Master Puuder and I shall have
a talk very soon and perhaps you and he can have one tonight."
He waved graciously toward the door. "If you please?" He waited
until Shek 'Li had exited and the door had closed before
turning to the boy standing in the middle of the room. He
crossed his arms and spoke one word. "Well?"
Obi-Wan licked his lips, cleared his throat... "Well, all I
said was, you're...personally...bigger than Master Puuder
and..., and Shek 'Li said you weren't."
Qui-Gon closed his eyes. "Padawan, I don't think..."
"But Master, I've seen you. You are the biggest..."
"Padawan..."
"All right. I think you must be the biggest. After all,
I haven't really seen..."
"Obi-Wan!"
Padawan Kenobi had had several years to learn that tone of
voice. He clamped his lips together.
All right, clever Master, time to dissemble. "Obi-Wan, I have
spent the better part of four hours working on the placement
diagram for the reception and have yet to find a spot for
Senator Snrkrn and, of all the Senators, he is the one I most
have to hide!" Taking a deep breath, he surreptitiously crossed
his fingers. "So, kindly explain yourself."
Obi-Wan seemed to lean forward for a moment, just a hair, as
if to examine his Master's mood. Then he sighed. "Well...
Sometimes we talk, all of the Padawans, you know, about...our
Masters." He glanced up, then lowered his eyes again. "We, we
compare...the way our Masters do things, say things, you know,
how they act...how they treat us, that kind of stuff..." He
took a glance around the walls, perhaps looking for
inspiration. "Anyway, Shek 'Li's got a big mouth and he doesn't
much like me...or you...and when I said you were bigger than
his Master, he got mad, but you are bigger than his Master,
aren't you, Master, I've seen you...?" The words had come out
in a rush and his eyes were wide with wonder.
Qui-Gon swallowed, considered for a fraction of a second, and
decided, in his wisdom, to avoid this conversation entirely.
"Obi-Wan, I dislike arguments of any kind. Discussions of a
rational nature are excellent practice for a future Jedi, but
harangue and contention have no place within the social or
political sphere. Ever. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Master. But you..."
"End of discussion." Qui-Gon smiled. "And yes, Obi-Wan, I am
indeed bigger than most of the other Masters,..." His palm came
up to forestall any comments. "...in many and varied ways. And
that's all I have to say on the subject." He turned with
alacrity and aimed for the study, his last words barely a
mutter. "At least, for now..."
The Senate Reception came upon the Temple all too soon. But,
as is the way with occasions handled with Jedi finesse, all
went extremely well. And Qui-Gon found the perfect place for
Snrkrn behind the Asegula Ferns, where he could tootle his tin
pipes to his heart's content.
The last of the receptees were imbibing late ones when Qui-Gon
at last figured he and his Padawan could safely leave the
premises. Both were tired and relieved and deserved some down
time. He was about to signal Obi-Wan when he heard his name.
"Ho, Quey-Kon, stop yourself over here a moment just!" Master
Puuder waddled himself past a tipsy knot of Senators to
approach the famous Master Jinn. "My Padawan, Shek 'Li of the
great gregariousness, did describe the little argument between
himself and yours."
Qui-Gon couldn't help it: he blushed. "Master Puuder,
please..."
"Oh, no fearing my trouble. I think myself can answer this
question of comparison." Whereupon he grabbed Qui-Gon's arm,
spun him around until their backsides touched and patted the
considerable portion of his own that extended past the taller
Master's. "See. I am of the bigger than yourself, no doubt
applies." He turned around, peering closely up at Qui-Gon's
glassy-eyed face. "Not thinking of they comparing something
else, was you?" He chuckled. "After all, not a single Bascorian
never has had..." His fat little hand lightly patted the front
of Master Jinn's dress robe. "...such a remarkable wiggly bit
as you. So, no argumenting no more, hey?" Chortling and
snuffling, he sauntered across the room toward what was left of
the refreshments, leaving a non-plused Master Jinn standing
with a frozen smile on his face.
It was some moments before Qui-Gon finally focused on the
quiet figure standing next to him. "Obi-Wan. Ummm. You... You
were defending... Your point in that whole argument was that
my...butt...was the biggest?"
Obi-Wan opened his mouth, closed it, and swallowed.
"Well...yes. I thought it was. It's a good, solid,
strong kind of..."
"Enough." Shaking his head, Qui-Gon hid the rueful smile that
threatened to sneak across his face. "I believe this subject
can be tabled until further notice."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan smiled. "Master? Can we go home now?"
Qui-Gon nodded, slipped his hands carefully into the sleeves
of his dress robe and headed for the door.
For several moments they walked in silence, footsteps soft and
measured, upon their faces the sublime peace that perhaps only
the Jedi can know. In the distance, the Late Evening chime
sounded its gentle bong.
"Obi-Wan..."
"Yes, Master."
"Should you ever wish to, to...discuss...any other..." Qui-Gon
spared a sideways glance. Was that a gleam in his Padawan's
eye? "Well. In future discussions of a...personal...nature,
just remember - I can press with the best."
Obi-Wan smiled kindly. "Yes, Master." Only the Force heard his
final whisper. "I know..."
And with a little skip, Padawan paced Master down the corridor
toward home.
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