Dear Qui-Gon

by Gaia (gaia_eagle@yahoo.com)

Archive: yes please on M_A, anyone else just ask

Categories: Q/O, Hurt/comfort, First Time, Point of View

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: nope, none what so ever

Disclaimers: Damn George, he is the lucky owner of these two wonderful Jedi. I just like to borrow and have a little fun. I will return them someday.

Warning: The idea of this came out of a pretty bad week. It is pretty sad.

Feedback: Please! Please! I want to know if you liked it, hated it or what I did wrong. Please let me know on-list or off, don't care either way, just let me know. (I will stop begging now)

Summary: Qui-Gon receives a letter.

Master Qui-Gon Jinn walked back into the quarters that both him and Obi-Wan shared. His padawan was asleep when he was called away to speak with the council. They kept him all day, not allowing him the much-needed time to talk with his padawan.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon yelled into the room. There was no response. "Obi-Wan, come out, we need to talk." Still nothing but quiet.

He walked over to the table. It was then he noticed a data pad and Obi-Wan's lightsaber lying next to it. Qui picked up the data pad and turned it on. A sinking feeling came over him as he read the letter that was on it.

Dear Qui-Gon,

If you are reading this data pad, then you know that I am gone. I have left the Jedi order because of actions that make me unworthy to be a Jedi and unworthy to be your padawan, your apprentice and your friend. Along side this data pad, you will find my lightsaber, the weapon that I felt defined me as a person and a Jedi. The hurt and shame that I feel right now has destroyed everything I ever hoped to be. Someday, Force willing, you will be able to forgive me, but I know deep down, I will never be able to forgive myself. My control was lost. Lost in the whim of passion and because of my lapse, I raped my Master, you Qui-Gon.

Last night started out just like any other night. We had dinner together, we shared a good debate and then spent sometime with Master Isadore Galicia. Conversations with her always seem to place you in a funny mood. You never seem to be quite yourself. Maybe that is the reason why you wanted to go out to the bar. Deep down, I knew it was a bad idea, but then I have never been much for bars.

I sat back and watched as you drank glass after glass, shot after shot, getting drunker and drunker. I wanted to stop you, but I couldn't because you were my master and I was just a simple padawan, trained never to question your Master. Feeling that someone should retain control of his body, I tried to refrain from drinking. After sometime, you decided to play that silly drinking game, forcing me to play along, and getting just tipsy enough to not be able to stop myself later.

We closed out the bar and I dragged you back to the temple, singing the drinking songs from the bar the whole way home. You would have loved the funny looks we got from everyone we passed. I think that some people on Coruscant think the Jedi are even crazier than they thought before.

We finally got back to our quarters and I got you onto your bed. You collapsed onto it, dragging me on top of you. That was the point in which inhibitions flew out of the window and I kissed you. I could tell that you were not in your right mind because you didn't withdraw from the kiss. Instead you went deeper, filling my mouth with your tongue. The next thing that I knew we both were undressed and feeling each other's bodies, our hands never seeming to stop. I have wanted to feel you like this ever since I could remember. Having my deepest fantasies fulfilled, I couldn't stop and we had sex.

This morning, I found myself in your bed, but you we not there. My head felt like it was about to explode and then I remembered what I did to you the night before. Shame like I have never felt before overwhelmed me and I broke down into tears. You were drunk and I took advantage of your state. To me this is the same as rape. Not being able to look you in the eyes again, I left the temple.

Right now, I am probably on a transport somewhere I don't know yet, because I haven't thought that far in advance. Qui-Gon, you have been a wonderful teacher and please do not feel that this is anyway your fault. I failed you, but you did not fail me. Tonight, I will be breaking our training bond. I just wanted one more day of feeling you inside of my head, a presence that I know now I no longer can feel any comfort from. Whatever you do, please don't come looking for me. Just know that I will always hold you in a special place in my heart.

Good-bye forever,
Obi-Wan Kenobi

Qui-Gon sat back, in complete shock. Obi-Wan left... Obi-Wan left. His mind could not comprehend that. Not knowing what else to do, he collapsed and started to cry.