Response to the Ted-character & TPM crossover challenge.
Sorry it's a bit over 500 words, but I hope you can forgive me!
Warnings: Not really; a little lustful thinking, but some very
disturbing ambitions
Spoilers: Somewhat, for Skinner (a cheap horror movie starring
Ted Raimi, for those who don't know) No real spoilers for TPM
Summary: A midsummer night's dream, perhaps?
Rating: Approximately PG-13 (sorry, no on-screen sex)
Archive: Yeah, go ahead, on Joxerotica and Master_Apprentice
Feedback: Yes, please
Um, let's see: The characters don't belong to me, though I tend
to feel a bit proprietary about Dennis, for some reason...what,
obsessed is more like it, you say? Uh, yeah, and your point is?
Anyway, I don't own him, Paul Hart-Wilden does, and I don't own
any of the Star Wars characters. They belong to George Lucas
(no duh!) and he's losing absolutely no money due to this
harmless little fan fic.
There I was, minding my own business, asleep in my room at the
institution. It's not so bad, when you know how to play the
system, but I'm starting to get bored and restless. Might be
time to talk the docs into letting me go. "Oh, yes, sir, I'm
really sorry I killed all those people. Oh, yes, I know now it
was very wrong and I promise never to do it again." I can't
believe they actually buy that routine, but sooner or later
they always do.
Anyway, all of a sudden there's this bright light all around
me. Then there's this voice, like out of nowhere, saying, "Come
join us. We have need of your skills." Then I found myself in
this really strange place, and this weird dude in a hooded robe
was handing me what turned out to be an even cooler weapon than
a knife.
Now, I'm not dumb. I recognize a light saber when I see it, but
the dude I'm talking to isn't hardly Luke Skywalker, you know?
I'm trying to pay attention to what the guy says. He's got this
really soothing voice that kind of calms you down, which was
nice, 'cause I was getting pretty nervous and uptight.
Anyway, the dude pulls back the hood on his robe and I see he's
this older guy, maybe late 40's, with really long, wavy hair.
He's got a really interesting face, and when he drops the robe,
I can see he's got a pretty impressive body. He says his name
is Kwai-Gon Djinn or something, but I keep thinking of him as
the Calgon guy. I wouldn't mind slipping into a nice tub of hot
water and bubbles with him, actually, but I don't think that's
his main priority here.
He kept yammering on and on about The Light Side of the Force,
yada yada yada. No, not Yoda, I didn't see him around. Since
I'm obviously dreaming, I'm expecting to see the little robot
guys come in any minute, but they didn't show. Then this other
guy comes in, and from the way Calgon looks at him, there's
somethin' goin' on there. The new guy calls Calgon "Master" and
I start thinkin', "whoa, this has potential!" But I keep
forgetting, this is Star Wars, or somethin' really close to it.
Maybe those fan fiction writers playin' around again. So it's
not some kind of heavy duty Master-Slave scene, more like a
master and apprentice. Eh, not as exciting, but could be worse!
He says his name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, but I know he's lying
because he doesn't look anything like that old dude that was
teaching Luke, so I know for sure somethin' strange is goin' on
here.
So, I'm just waitin' around to wake up. I kinda hope it's real,
though, because I really liked my light saber. Calgon took it
away from me, though, and said I could have it later, once I've
earned the privilege. Well, I think I can guess what "earning
the privilege" might entail, I've been around the block a time
or two, and I don't really have any objections. He's pretty
hot, and so's his stud muffin "student" guy. Yeah, right! I
wish I didn't have to listen to 'em gettin' it on next door.
Just when I think things are starting to get interesting, this
really weird-lookin' dude shows up, not at all saintly-lookin'
or studly, either. He looks like he's trying out for the part
of the Devil in some cheap horror movie, but he gave me a
pretty interesting offer. I'll really have to think about it...
If any of this is real, I sure hope my buddies next door can
come up with a better offer, or at least maybe I'll get the
chance to check out their light sabers before I have to kill
'em, you know what I mean? Heck, a guy's gotta have something
to look forward to!
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