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Disclaimer: Totally not mine, they belong to the mighty Lucas.
Summary: It didn't happen. Qui-Gon can't die. (sniff) Enuf
said, read on. Warnings/spoilers: Completely Au, some things
are not on canon even in an AU world. Oh and didn't we all know
that Qui-Gon died before we saw the movie. Hands here, thought
so.
Thanks go to Sue, my never tiring, always patient beta and very
quick beta reader. (((hugs)))
To Voracity who kept saying, aren't you done yet? And for my
other friends on the net that encourage me to keep trying this
writing thing. Hugs to you all. J
"NO!"
They were the last words he remembered hearing and they were
terrifying. Qui-Gon lay dying as his padawan, his protected,
his innocent, now had to forge himself a new path and become
his equal. He heard little of the battle as his mind set forth
on its task of finishing, closing, and completing the cycle. He
was dying and he knew it. Nothing anyone could do would ever
change that fact. He silently counted the things he wanted to
tell Obi-Wan, in order. Anakin-protect. Tests- be mindful of
the present. Oh and love. Never forget that I love you.
Obi-Wan slid to the side of his master and lifted his head in
his hands. "Too late." Obi-Wan's heart sank, the fear so
prevalent in his voice had taken on a life. He was going to
lose Qui-Gon. Lose him before he ever had the chance at telling
him what he felt. As he listened to the instructions from his
dying master his mind clouded over. He felt calm, serene and
almost giddy. He brushed his hand down the blood soaked tunic
and found the gaping hole left by the saber. With every ounce
of concentration, he willed the wound closed, the internal
organs repaired. He willed his life force into his master with
no thought of the consequences. He felt the brush of fingertips
on his cheek and refocused on Qui-Gon. The life was ebbing away
and their seemed nothing he could do to prevent it. He held
tight to the lifeless body, reached inside his mind and found
the tattered remains of his spirit, slowly leaving. He gripped
it and pulled with a force he never knew he could muster and
made it stay. Again his fingers, taunt and curled forced his
life force into Qui-Gon. He had heard of it working before, but
only a precious few could remain alive until the end. He had to
become one with Qui-Gon in order for it to work.
First, he had to make sure his spirit didn't cross over. He had
accomplished that and now he had to focus on the healing. He
saw in his mind the organs, tissues and blood vessels seal and
repair. Then the outer wounds were the last. He felt tired,
light headed and weak. But it didn't matter. He could not let
Qui-Gon die. Not without telling him how much, he loved him.
Too many times he had been scolded for speaking out to Qui-Gon.
The elder master was not given to taking the abrupt mouth of
his apprentice lightly. The one thing he needed to do was to
let Qui-Gon know that he loved and respected him. For him to
let the order down by allowing this dark lord to kill Qui-Gon.
He could never handle life again. He felt the body beneath him
convulse and gasp for breath and he smiled. It was the last
thing he remembered.
Mace Wadu smiled as the pair were brought on board the ship and
transported back to the temple. "Will they live?" One of the
guards looked at the pair then to Mace.
"I believe so."
Two days later Qui-Gon opened his eyes and took a deep breath.
He felt a warm weight on his leg and looked down. There curled
on his side, leg draped across his own was Obi-Wan, very nude
and very asleep. "I've died and gone to heaven." He nudged the
sleeping figure, but go no reply. "Obi-Wan, we've died
together." Again, he pushed at the younger man. "Obi-Wan?"
"Hear you he can't." He jerked around to find Yoda standing at
the foot of the bed.
"Why not, what's wrong with him?"
"Used his life force to save you, he did. Find his way back, he
cannot. You as a guide, he must have."
"What do you mean used his life force? Is that possible?"
"Heard it done, long ago. Ended badly."
"How so?"
"Savior became the victim, he did. Traded his life for his
friend's."
Qui-Gon looked over Obi-Wan and shook his head. "I can't lose
him."
"Love him..." Qui-Gon glared down at the smaller Jedi Master.
"You do. Love him you must. Find him you must and soon."
"Find him? He's right here." Yoda walked up to Obi-Wan and
touched his head.
"Here, lost here. Used too much of his life force to bring you
back. Die he will, if you do not help."
"I'll do everything I can."
As Qui-Gon got stronger, Obi-Wan got weaker. He feared that his
recovery was taking from the younger man. He rushed into the
council room and spun around. Only Windu sat poised in a trance
of meditation. He didn't want to disturb him, but Obi-Wan's
life could depend on it. "I'm sorry for the intrusion."
"Master Jinn, you're looking well."
"Aye, but at the cost of my padawan's life I suspect."
"He didn't know what he was doing. He just wanted to you to
live. He used too much of his own life force to bring you
back."
"How can I save him?"
"You're feeding off him in a way. He's so far into the healing
that he doesn't realize that you're better. If he can't pull
himself out and stop feeding you, then he'll not survive."
"What can I do?"
"Go to him, inside. Feel him and let him know, he's done
enough."
"I will try."
"Do not try. Do or do not."
The elder Jedi lay beside his apprentice and brushed a finger
over his chest. Obi-Wan didn't move, didn't speak, didn't react
in any way to the gentle urgings of his master. "I wish...no, I
want you to wake up. Talk to me, disagree with me. I'm here
Obi-Wan. What ever you did, you saved me and killed a powerful
enemy in the doing. I am so very proud of you padawan." He
looked up into Windu's face and shook his head.
"Reach him, or he will die."
Qui-Gon nodded and rose to bid the other Jedi good night. Once
the chamber was settled, he sat down at his love's side. He
smiled, yes that's what Obi-Wan had become. His love, his life.
In a way, he had always fed on his energies, his abruptness,
and his kindness. Obi-Wan would speak out and fuel an argument,
never heated, always calm, but still it kept him on his toes.
"You have to come back to me." He sat at the head of the bed in
a meditation stance and rubbed the temples of his padawan. When
he relaxed and let the worry flee and gripped his head gently
and closed his eyes.
//I am here padawan, come to me, find me. //
All he could see was thick puffy smoke. It surrounded him and
threatened to engulf him. He relaxed and stretched out with the
force. He felt a presence, very faint, very timid and he
advanced. It grew Stronger and his heart broke at the sound.
The weeping of a boy. He hurried forward and saw a dingy tunic
wrapped around a small child.
//Obi-Wan//
The child didn't respond, so he stepped closer. The sad
gray/blue eyes looked up at him, red from the tears.
//Go away. //
Qui-Gon almost gasped. //Ben?// The boy looked up and nodded.
//By the gods. //
It took him a few minutes to realize what was happening. He had
been among the first to find the small boy when the Empire
murdered his parents. Small, timid and crying in the rubble of
a building, he had resisted Qui-Gon's help in the beginning.
//Why are you here? //
//Where should I be, everyone is dead. I'm alone. //
//No Obi...Ben you're not. Come with me. //
//Who are you? //
//I'm a friend, I will take care of you. // The small hand
reached out to his, but before he could grasp it, a strong
voice broke through the silence.
//NO// He spun to see Obi-Wan, hair shoulder length and in
disarray. //You will not take him. //
//Obi-Wan? //
//Not anymore. I have no one to be Obi-Wan for and I will not
let you take this child. //
//Why not? //
Obi-Wan jerked the small boy up and pushed him behind his body.
//You will offer him nothing but pain. //
//Never, I would never...//
//Silence! // The voice boomed and a strong wind began blowing.
//He will NOT feel the pain of that life. //
//So what, you keep him here, crying in the dark. Afraid to
face life...// The wind grew stronger. //Or is it death? //
//Leave, you're not wanted here. //
Qui-Gon spun and another, younger Obi-Wan sat on the cold,
black floor, shivering. //Why not? What do you fear?// The
figure gripped his stomach and rolled in pain. //It's your
coming of age, why do you fight it so? //
//I can not feel what I do. //
//Tell me, what you could not. //
//Leave him alone! // Qui-Gon spun and the older, longhaired
Obi-Wan gathered this one close, the young boy, stood in the
background. //He is not yours. //
//Where is my padawan? //
//He's not here.// The three voices yelled together.
//Why are you hiding from me? //
Everything grew silent and the fog parted. There in a floor lay
Obi-Wan, nude and unconscious. //Obi-Wan.// He tried to rush to
his side, but the three children, Gathered around and forced
him backwards. //Obi-Wan! //
//He can't hear you, you killed him. //
//No, I would never allow...// This time the wind swept him
backwards and he flew through the air.
"Obi-Wan!" He screamed as he woke up from the trance.
He slept a few hours next to the warmth of the body of Obi-Wan,
his body drained and tired.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up. The sun was
bright And he squinted to see who had touched him. He smiled as
Obi-Wan sat down cross-legged in front of him. "You were
sleeping, Master."
"Yes and dreaming."
"Tell me your dreams."
"Well, I had taken you in my bed and we had slept together."
"Just slept, Master?" He asked and Qui-Gon smiled at the look
of mischief in his eyes.
"Yes, just slept my padawan. I wanted to save everything else
for my waking time."
"Really? Well then, I think we should meditate on that for a
while."
"You do?"
"Yes, I do not wish to displease you and my eagerness may be a
problem."
"You think so?"
"As you say Master, I should be mindful of the present and not
day dreaming of the future."
"That is of course." He pushed Obi-Wan flat on the blanket and
kissed him gently on the mouth. "Unless the future becomes the
present."
Qui-Gon jerked awake and sighed. His body was tense and covered
with sweat. Even the dreams of making love with Obi-Wan made
his body ache with desire. He turned to see Windu seated
quietly in the corner.
"Dreaming?"
"Yes."
"Not bad dreams I take it."
"No," he covered his body. "Dreams of my padawan."
"Have you two...become intimate?" Qui-Gon looked up with wide
eyes. "I ask only because it could be helpful in your recovery
of his spirit."
"No, we hadn't. I wanted him to grow a bit more, emotionally."
Qui-Gon dressed quickly and sat down in the floor at Windu's
feet. "Last night, the connection, he was a boy again,
frightened and wary of me."
"What did he say?"
"Not much, but then he changed, or split, I'm not sure. But an
older Obi- Wan appeared. He's distrustful and warns me against
taking the boy, Ben. He said he didn't want him to have the
pain of that life."
"Sounds like he wants to do it over again. Maybe the pain of
loving you was too great for him."
"So how can I reach him?"
"I don't know." Qui-Gon bowed his head. "I'm sorry Qui, I wish
I had more answers. But nothing in the records speaks of this
transference being successful. He may die."
"NO!" Qui-Gon was up immediately. "He would not let me die, I
will not let him slip away."
"I wish you luck." He bowed and left Qui-Gon to his task.
Qui-Gon set to the task of bathing and feeding Obi-Wan. His
spirit may have been slipping, but his body still needed its
maintenance. So he washed him clean, laid him on the bed with a
light sheet, and commenced to force down the salty meat
flavored broth. It was the only thing he could get down the
young man without choking him. He grew tired and finally put
the bowl aside. "There, half is better than nothing, I
suppose." He wiped the over flow from his mouth and laid him
back down. "Shall we try this again, padawan?"
This time he pulled Obi-Wan up against him and laid, the
younger mans head against his shoulder. "I can whisper to you
this way." He ran his hand down the strong chest and stomach
and cursed himself for his evil thoughts. "I will not take you
this way, Obi-Wan, please come back so I can show you how much
I love you."
He settled his hands on the strong thighs and closed his eyes.
//Padawan? //
//He's over there.// He turned to see the older Obi-Wan. //But
he can't hear you anymore.//
//Why not?//
//You left him, died.//
//I did not.// The boy looked up into his eyes. //Tell him I'm
here, I'm alive. He saved me. Now I must save him.//
//He can not hear me. Only...//
//What? Tell me what I can do.//
The older Obi-Wan walked to him and lay a hand on his chest.
The hand was cold, nearly freezing and he almost pulled back.
But for the sake of Obi-Wan's soul, he didn't move.
//You touched him here, in life. Now in death, he waits for
you.//
//He's lost his will to live?//
//His life is over, he waits for you. Here.//
//I want him to come back with me, do you hear me? I want him
back.//
//I can not give you, what I do not have.//
Qui-Gon gripped the cold hand as the figure turned to leave.
//Tell me Of the boy.//
//You frightened him. He's hidden.//
//Will he come back, let me take care of him.//
//Why, so you can ignore him and leave again.//
//I did not ignore him.//
//His feelings, you took another.//
//I did no such...// Qui-Gon stepped back. //Anakin? He's just
a boy, a padawan. Obi-Wan is my life.//
//You should not have pushed him away.//
//I did not.//
//Go now, I'm tired.//
The figure moved to lie down beside the sleeping Obi-wan,
curled against his body and became one. //I will reach you, my
love.//
Qui-Gon opened his eyes slowly. This was not the way things
were suppose to have gone. He turned to look at the still body
of his apprentice and notice the small blonde head bowed and
the quiet tears. He felt the sorrow and pain. "Anakin?" The
blonde head raised, the red eyes, tear stained cheeks. "Why are
you crying?"
"He won't come back, you'll be sad, send me away."
"No, I promised your mother I would take care of you. And that
I will. Obi-Wan will come back, it might just take some time."
"I heard him, heard what he said. He doesn't want me here."
"Do you want to be here, Anakin?"
"Yes."
"Then here you shall remain." He smiled and the boy smiled a
small smile. "Anakin, how did you hear Obi-Wan?"
"In my head, I heard you talking to him."
Qui-Gon's brows knitted together and a wonderful idea came to
mind. "Anakin, would you talk to Obi-Wan for me?"
"Do you think it'll help?"
"Yes, I believe it will."
"It may seem strange, but you'll see a small child, talk to
him. He's Obi- Wan, but about your age."
"I'll try."
He sat Anakin beside Obi-Wan and placed the small hand on the
still forehead. "Talk to him."
"What do I say?"
"Answer his questions."
"Okay." Anakin closed his eyes and felt the presence of
obi-Wan. As he slipped into a semi-dream state, he heard the
weeping of a child. When he opened his eyes a small boy sat in
the center of a dark place, behind him on a slab of gray stone,
the body of Obi-Wan lay, covered in part by a black sheet.
//Hello?// The boy jumped, but didn't move away. //I'm
Anakin.//
//Ben.//
//Why are you crying?//
//Because I'm alone.//
//You're not alone. Master Qui-Gon is out there.//
//He's dead.//
//No he's not. Obi-Wan saved him.//
//How?//
//I don't know really, sort of like gave him all his energy.//
//Then he is well?//
//Yes. Well kind of...//
//What does that mean?//
//He's sad, inside. He tries not to let me see it, but I feel
it. He needs Obi-Wan.//
//But he has you.//
//I don't understand all this, but he loves Obi-Wan. I'm just
here to train.//
//Bring him, tell Obi-Wan this.//
//Will that help?//
//It will.//
Anakin turned to see the ragged Obi-Wan. //Who are you?//
//Go, bring Qui-Gon.//
//Okay.// In his casual way Anakin got up and headed out. With
a start he sat straight up. Qui-Gon was there, holding his
hand. //You gotta go in, he wants to see you.//
"Which one?"
"Which one? Obi-Wan, of course."
Qui-Gon quickly got into position and melted with Obi-Wan's
mind. The cloud had cleared and his padawan lay on a low table,
still not moving. He stepped close and reached out to touch
him. A hand came up and gripped his wrist. //If you do this, do
it for the right reasons. He'd can not stand the pain of losing
you to Anakin again.//
//He never lost me to Anakin. He's a child, a new padawan.
Obi-Wan was ready to move on, become a Jedi. Ready to learn how
much I loved him, needed him. This menace took that from us. I
want the chance to make it right.//
//Then do it, tell him what's in your heart.//
Qui-Gon knelt beside Obi-Wan and took his hand. //I've been a
Jedi all my life, had many padawans, but with you life was
different. Life was worth living. I fell in love with you my
young apprentice and I love you still. I wanted to share it
with you, but I wasn't sure you were ready. Come back to me,
fight with me again. Tell me you want me to be in love with
you. I'm a sorry sight without you Padawan, I don't know what
to do with myself most days. I need you, you're my stability,
my leg of sanity that keeps me grounded. Please wake up and
tell me I'm not alone in this world. If you don't, I'll have no
reason to carry on either and what you did, will have been in
vain.// Obi-Wan moaned and turned his head. //That's it, come
back to me my love.//
//Qui, what?// Obi-Wan looked around at the strange
surroundings. //Help me, I can't move.// Qui-Gon smiled and
lifted Obi-Wan's naked form and walked toward the darkness.
//Where are we going?//
//Back into the light my love. Back where we can be together.//
//I thought it was forbidden. Maybe that's why you had not
touched me that way.//
//Just my reluctance to take your innocence.//
//Let me down.//
//Why?//
//I need to do something.// Qui-Gon let him down and watched
his naked form walk back to the other three versions of Obi-Wan
and opened his arms. They all four embraced and became one. He
smiled as he turned back to Qui-Gon. //Now I am whole.//
//Will you return with me, be my love?//
//I've wanted nothing more for a long time.//
//I was a fool not to have noticed. I'm sorry.//
//Maybe,// Qui-Gon's arms surrounded him. //Then again, maybe
you were right to wait. I can be a bit childish and
headstrong.//
//That you can, my love. That you can.// Together they walked
into the light.
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