The Council Protests...

by Sam

Feedback: winniebird@optusnet.com.au

Archive: M_A, if they want it, anyone else, you can, just let me know where so I can visit

Rating:Uh, I dunno, PG. It does hint at the Q/O relationship

Disclaimer: Yes, George. We know you own 'em all. And I'm not getting paid for this, either.

Summary: I remembering reading a fic a short while ago, which had Qui & Obi talking to the writer. Well, this is the Council's turn on their take on Fanfic . Sorry, I can't remember who wrote it, but thanks for the inspiration.

Notes: The views expressed in this fic are those of the Council. Despite what they reckon, I love the fic you guys write! It's just Mace Windu had incriminating photos to "encourage" me to do something with this bunny. Honestly! :)

Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan stood together in front of the Council. They were there to received yet another assignment that would guarantee a lot of angst, hot Jedi sex and reprimanding from the Council.

"And Qui-Gon," Mace Windu begged. "Please try to obey the dictates this time!"

"That means no pathetic life forms," Ki-Adi-Mundi snapped irritably

KI-ADI-MUNDI (to Fanfic writers everywhere): Hey, how come I've always got to be the irritable one, and how come I never get to get out of these stupid chambers, anyway. You know, I got five wives and seven kids at home, and you people never let me go see them. All it ever is with you lot is Qui, Obi and a lot of sex and angst. C'mon!

SAESEE: Actually, while Ki's at it, why is it all I do is sit here and look ugly. I wanna go out! Adi asked me on date, but here I am stuck acting like the big mean Council. C'mon guys, what did we ever do to you?

ADI: You know, I really would like to go on that date, get some action if you know what I mean, hint, hint... seriously, we're not all monks, why should those two (points at Qui and Obi) get all the fun. I want out! I didn't' even get a lously line in TPM, for Force's sake.

YODA: Talking to the writers, we should not. Create an imbalance we shall.

KI-ADI-MUNDI: I don't care. I want to go home, have something to eat. At least GET TO GO TO THE TOILET! Seriously guys, when do we at least get to use the 'fresher!

Yoda: (Whacks Ki-Adi-Mundi with his gimmer stick): Ki, no talking!

DEPA (Speaks up): Actually, I do kinda need to go to the toilet.

QUI-GON and OBI-WAN look at each other as though they've landed in another dimension where the Council is all three headed monsters.

MACE: Surely it's alright to at least ask them if we can use the loo. And what about letting us watch the Simpson's every now and then, huh?

YODA: Careful, destroy the space-time continuum you shall.

MACE: What is this some kind of bad episode of Star Trek or something, is it. I want out. Besides, I got this great movie offer in the style of Pulp Fiction...

YODA: Enough!

QUI-GON (getting frustrated): Someone, write the Council a holiday so they'll just shut up and everyone alone. And then you can get back to writing about what really matters- US!

KI-ADI-MUNDI: What are you complaining about, at least you get to go places! When I do get to finally see my wives, they're gonna kick my butt! I was meant to get the milk on my way home from work after doing the Phantom Menace, but no one would let me out.

MACE: Oh, that's so devastating, Ki. You didn't pick up the milk.

KI-ADI-MUNDI: To a bunch of horny, undersexed Cerean women it is.

MACE: Undersexed?

EETH (who can no longer just sit there quiet): Well, there is only one male to every twenty females on Cerea...

MACE: Really (sounds very interested) Can I go there?

ADI: (under breath): Talk about the desperate and undersexed. (Out loud). You guys are getting this, right? Please let Mace score so he'll shut up.

OBI-WAN makes a slight gurgling noise at the thought of any Councilor having sex. MACE and ADI both give him harsh looks. QUI-Gon notices, and starts trying to stare them down.

EETH: Well, I sure would like a vacation (looks up to all writers hopefully). Besides, if I remember correctly, there's this really cute Knight in the library who told me to call her one day. Although that was a couple years ago...

YODA: Stop talking to them!

YADDLE (here's something): What was that?

MACE: What was what?

YADDLE: That funny thing...

YODA: Temporal distortion, it is!

MACE: It is not!

YODA: Yes it is!

QUI-GON and OBI-WAN shake their heads in dismay.

QUI-GON: Maybe you guys should just stop writing about them so they'll leave us alone. (Smiles at us all hopefully). Please?

MACE: And then who will pick on you.

QUI-GON: That's it, come on Obi, we're leaving.

KI-ADI-MUNDI: No! Then they'll forget about us until next time they need the big, bad Council!

QUI-GON: Too bad. (He and Obi-Wan leave. Sam decides it's time for dinner. The Council's left doing nothing until the next writer uses them. Too bad).