Master Apprentice
Archive
|
|
|||
(continued from part 1)
Later that evening, Obi-Wan managed to steal away from his friends and find a secluded place. He had found an empty sketchbook in the dormitory and had brought it with him. Here. In the star map room. Actually he hoped that Master Jinn did not decide to visit the map room tonight, but he wanted an out-of-the-way place where he could draw.
There wasn't much light, but Obi-Wan found the winking dots of light from the display soothing, and he thought he had just enough light to see what he was doing. Closing his eyes, he pictured the tall Jedi Master again... as he'd seen him at the end of the demonstration. Stray hair loose about his shoulders, a sheen of sweat on his skin, and a light in his eyes...
Obi-Wan was stunned when he finished to find that only a half hour had passed. He opened his eyes... when had he closed them? He looked down at his drawing in the sketchbook . [Yes... I did it... it's what I saw...] He gazed at his picture in wonder, awed more by the man than what he'd done. [He's beautiful... and he is NOT cold. I can see how the Force moves in him. So beautiful...]
They were wrong. His friends did not see the Jedi Master as he did. They were not looking at him with the Force and they had not talked to him. Besides, Master *Yoda* thought him capable of loving a Padawan. [And so do I...]
He laid the sketchbook aside and crossed his arms over the edge of the console to pillow his head. [That one Master said he had been a very loving man once,] he continued to muse, closing his eyes. [He just needs to find himself again, see the love he still has in his heart...]
Sometime later, Qui-Gon Jinn entered the star map room, expecting to find it empty, seeking a quiet place for meditation; even the gardens were a bit noisy with children these days. Over by the computer console he spied a huddled form in a gray tunic... a Trainee, fast asleep, his head on his folded arms. Sighing, the Master approached, and saw a sketchbook on the table beside the boy, the cover folded over to reveal a drawing. With a shock, Qui-Gon recognized both the subject of the drawing and the artist.
He sat down heavily in another chair, unable to take his eyes off the picture. [This child... this is how he sees me? When? When did he do this?] Judging from the drawn droplets of sweat and the fresh graphite of the drawing, it had to be after the demonstration of the Masters this afternoon. Inner eye, indeed... the perceptive boy saw into the soul of the subject, capturing the feeling of wonder and quiet joy Qui-Gon had felt in the exercise, the Force flowing through him so smoothly.
He looked upon the boy then, and could not help but touch him, brushing a fall of light brown hair off his forehead from where it had flopped down in his eyes. [Little Painter,] he thought in wonder, [Did the Force send you to stab arrows into my soul? Did it arm you with daggers to carve away my defenses? Do you have any idea how desperately I want to resist your bright, sweet promise?]
Sighing, he touched the boy's forehead, sending a mental touch to nudge him deeper into sleep, then collected him up in his arms, sketchbook tucked under an elbow, to carry him back to the dormitory.
Obi-Wan woke the next morning and stretched, feeling well-rested and calm. As had been happening off and on for some months now, his penis had awakened, too, and under the covers he rubbed at it with a pleasurable sigh, enjoying the nice feeling. Then it went away and he stretched again, throwing his arms wide. His left arm hit something on the side of the bed and he rolled to see what it was. The sketchbook.
Suddenly he was wide awake and sitting up. He folded back the cover and there was his drawing of Master Qui-Gon. He sighed, looking at it with a little smile, then closed it guiltily. [How did I get to bed last night?] Obi-Wan looked down; he was still wearing his clothes from the previous evening. Slipping out of bed, he put the sketchbook under the mattress and padded over to the monitor droid, waving to a few friends who were also waking up along the way.
"Hey, TS-5," he said in a loud whisper. "I fell asleep somewhere last night - did someone carry me to my bed?"
The droid looked down at the boy, humming. "Hmm, yes, carry you... that would be Master Jinn. He asked where your bed was and I told him. Anything wrong, Trainee Kenobi?"
[Master Qui-Gon CARRIED me to bed!] was all Obi-Wan could think, inordinately pleased. "Nope, nothing wrong at all!" He got halfway back to his tiny living space when the thought hit him. [Oh, NO, did Master Qui-Gon see the drawing??] He couldn't remember if he'd closed the book or not. [And did anyone see him carry me?]
His friends seemed entirely normal this morning, joking with him and being their usual playful selves. This second day of Choosing had more activities to showcase the eligible Trainees to the interested Knights and Masters: a debate, a trivia contest, some skits that they'd been preparing. [I really need to get down to business here,] Obi-Wan told himself as his group arrived for the debate. [No more "mooning" as Garen says - I have to focus on the other Knights and Masters!]
Obi-Wan was careful not to look for Master Jinn, although he knew he glimpsed the unmistakable figure a few times. Indeed, the whole day passed, and the next, without even having a chance to talk to him personally much less be near him. Obi-Wan made up something of a list to appease Bant, and she and some of the others discussed the Knights and Masters in great detail at all their meals with him.
He even managed to forget about Qui-Gon Jinn a little, until nightmeal the third night when the Indications were passed out. By then Obi-Wan had met and talked to all the other potential Masters, and with his classmates happily imagined himself and his friends with their new Masters, even to speculating on pairings.
Then Master Nivmal approached with their Indications. It was the middle of 17th Hour, but the official time that the Knights and Masters had to get their Indications in was the beginning of the 18th. Still, their teacher thought he surely had them all in, and began to pass out each Trainee's list.
Obi-Wan's heart was already trying to pound its way out of his chest when he got his list of Indications. There were ten names! Ten out of twelve potential Masters had indicated an interest in him! Eagerly he ran through the list of names...
And when he came to the end, he felt suddenly dizzy and his heart was still pounding madly but for an entirely different reason. Dimly he heard the others talking excitedly around him, but he could not hear what they were saying, his head buzzing. "No..." he breathed, feeling the Force hit him hard with the sudden realization that...
Abruptly Obi-Wan, the list crumpled in his hand, was running out of the room, heading for the Master's Tower.
Master Qui-Gon Jinn had, for those two days, remained in the background as much as he could manage. With Yoda's eye on him, he observed the other children as much as he needed to, and participated in a few of the activities. But he could not get Obi-Wan's drawing out of his mind. And even though he realized that Obi-Wan was not actively seeking him out, he knew that somehow a connection had formed.
The Master meditated, wrestled with the will of the Force some more, and meditated again. But there it was... destiny and promise, all in the touch of childish fingers on his face, the brush of lips on his cheek, and a drawing...
Sometime during that third day Qui-Gon let inevitability and then acceptance settle into him. More meditation... then peace. Finally he sent the message he needed to send. It was done. If the Force willed that he break the shell of his heart back open again, then... he would.
He was contemplating finding something for nightmeal when there was a pounding on his door. Surprised, he rose to open it... and was further shocked to find a trembling Trainee bowed in two on the floor before the door. "Obi-Wan?"
"I..." The boy was having a hard time getting words out. "I got my Indications. I...I..."
"Easy there, Painter," Qui-Gon murmured, a hand on his back. "Take a deep breath. Whatever is wrong? You should be celebrating and thinking about your Choice." The Jedi Master was worried. Wasn't it early yet to hand the Indications out? Could it be that...
Obi-Wan tried to take a deep breath, but it came out as a sob. "I thought... I know I should have talked to you more, but I didn't know... not until tonight... the Force..."
Qui-Gon shook his head, not understanding. Trainees were forbidden to enter the quarters of the Knights or Masters, so he closed his door and sat down on the floor outside with the boy, then pulled him into his lap. "Now, Obi-Wan, you must calm down so you can tell me clearly. What has gotten you so distraught?"
The boy pressed his face against the man's tunics, his hands folded into fists beneath the bearded chin. "I thought..." He gulped a couple times, trying to calm down. Was he really here, in Master Jinn's arms? How could he tell him? "I'm so sorry. I believed something that was wrong," he managed to say finally. "I just thought that the Force was telling me..." Obi-Wan stopped. He couldn't say it. He was wrong.
The Master put a finger to the boy's chin and tipped his tear-streaked face up. "What was the Force telling you, little Painter?"
The blue-gray eyes filled with tears again as he looked up into the kind face of the Master. "T...that it wanted me to be your Padawan. P...please forgive me, Master Jinn. I should have known..." His throat grew tight and he could not finish.
Qui-Gon felt his heart open all the more to this remarkable youth. "Nothing to forgive," he said quickly, tightening his arms around him. "Obi-Wan, listen to me now. Do you trust the Force?"
The boy frowned, confused. "I...I don't know, not now."
"You should always trust the Force and your feelings, Painter." Qui-Gon looked into the boy's eyes earnestly, willing him to listen. "Now listen carefully. Listen again to the Force... and place your trust in it. Then go back to Master Nivmal. Will you do that, Obi-Wan?"
[I trust *you*,] the boy replied with his eyes, then nodded, not fully understanding. But he still felt the thrum of the Force that had spoken to him when he'd gotten his Indications. "Yes, Master Jinn," he said in a small voice.
Qui-Gon rose and set the boy on his feet. "Then go now, my Painter. And I will probably see you tomorrow. Good night." He bent to place a light kiss on the boy's hair, then was opening his door again, and disappeared back into his quarters.
Obi-Wan, tingling, stared a moment at the closed door. [Did he just say 'my Painter'?] he thought, his mind whirling. Then he turned and started running.
Master Nivmal met him at the door. "Obi-Wan!" the man said worriedly. "You ran out so quickly - are you all right?"
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan replied in a small voice. [*My* painter, he said. Why would he say that?]
"Well, you left too soon. It seems that not all the Indications were in. These came not a minute after you left. Here." He gave Obi-Wan two more pieces of paper.
Touching the papers, without even looking at them, Obi-Wan knew. He sat down in the closest available chair, feeling the song of the Force resonating in his heart. [He'd already sent it,] he thought, his mind whirling. [And he couldn't speak of it. That's why he told me to trust in the Force.] The potential Masters were not allowed to tell the Trainees of their interest in them except through the formal Indications.
He then realized that every one of those twelve had shown an interest in him. He should be proud, excited to be deemed so worthy by so many, but he didn't care. Only one mattered to him. He looked down at the papers in his hand. The name on the top paper was Qui-Gon Jinn.
"So, ready to narrow down your list, Obi?" Garen asked, plopping into a chair next to him. Beyond him, a few more of their friends were coming over.
Obi-Wan closed his hand over the papers. His friends were not going to like his Choice, but there was little he could do about it. The Force had spoken. And so had his heart. "Sure, tomorrow. Lots to think about, eh? How'd you do?"
"Six," Garen replied with a note of pride. "Including the ones *I* was interested in, so... it's looking good!" All the Trainees were allowed to reveal to one another was how many Indications they'd received, not whom they were from. Nor could they tell their Choice. Only after an Acceptance had been received could they reveal a name. "How about you?"
For a moment, Obi-Wan actually thought about lying. But that wasn't in his nature to do that, and he loved his friends, especially the loyal Garen. "Gar, I got twelve Indications," he said softly.
The other boy rocked back on his heels, his eyes widening. Then he called out loudly for the whole room to hear, grinning, "Obi got all twelve!"
All the other Trainees turned from where they were talking in clusters to gape at Obi-Wan. It was an incredible honor to receive that many. Suddenly there were Trainees rushing for him. A moment later, Obi-Wan was laughing and choking from somewhere underneath a horde of his excited classmates who'd responded by piling on him. Garen pulled him free a moment later, laughing with him.
Then someone said, "Hey, that means Jinn put in an Indication!"
The room quieted, the Trainees falling silent with shock. The great Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who for three years had come to Choosing Weeks without giving a Trainee a single Indication, had finally done it. Jinn, the broken-hearted, who many had come to fear would never be able to fully love a Padawan again.
Garen cocked his head at his friend, frowning. "Obi, you're surely not..."
Obi-Wan gave him a playful shove to the shoulder, though within he was irritated. "Cut it out, Garen, I haven't spoken to the man in days. And I have LOTS of options."
"And you children have interviews to schedule," Nivmal reminded them. "You should do that this evening." Over the next two days, the Trainees would meet individually with those who had given an Indication to further help them define their Choice. And they would be required to study the public folders and spend extra time in meditation. Only then could they submit a Choice. After that, the potential Master would have a up to a day to return their Acceptance. On the evening of that sixth day of Choosing Week would be the ceremony before the High Council where the Masters announced their new Padawans.
"Yeah," Obi-Wan sighed, "and I'd better get started." He gave Garen a hug, kissing him on the cheek. "You AND Bant need to stop worrying about me. I place my trust in the Force, Gar, and so should you."
Garen returned the hug and the kiss. "You're right, Obi," the other boy sighed. "I'll talk to Bant, I'm sure she's terribly curious." Bant was still a year away from being eligible for Choosing, so she was not with their group this evening.
Obi-Wan left them then, relieved to be out of the room. He could still feel the questing eyes on him. Would he Choose Jinn? Could Obi-Wan Kenobi be that stupid?
Obi-Wan did not schedule all twelve interviews. He hadn't wanted to schedule any, knowing he'd made his Choice, but he owed it to at least six of the Knights and Masters with whom he'd spoken the most, to at least talk to them and thank them personally for their interest. The others he sent letters to thank them.
He scheduled Qui-Gon last. When he called him on the com, he felt shy and awkward, a little embarrassed that he'd made such a scene outside the Master's door. "Master Jinn?" he inquired in a small voice over the comlink.
"Yes, Obi-Wan," the rich, deep voice replied. Already the boy felt himself beginning to calm. "I've been expecting your call."
Obi-Wan swallowed carefully, feeling his heart hammering again. "I would like to schedule an interview with you, Master Jinn."
There was a brief pause, then the voice was replying, "I would be honored. As I will not be interviewing with any others, I can meet you whenever you wish."
No others! A Knight or Master may put in as many Indications as they wished. Qui-Gon Jinn had only given one. "I...I'm meeting with a few tomorrow to thank them for their interest. Can you meet me the following day at 8th Hour? Um, in the star map room?" It was as close as he could come to revealing his Choice.
Master Qui-Gon did not mistake the meaning behind the boy's choice of words. [It is starting... I, too, have heard the whisperings of the Force. My beautiful little Painter wants to be my Padawan after all... and already I think I must love him...] "That is acceptable, Obi-Wan. I look forward to our interview."
"So do I, Master Jinn," Obi-Wan replied, wondering how he was going to endure until then.
The Temple halls were much more subdued the following morning as most of the Jedi present returned to a somewhat normal routine. Classes for the younger Trainees resumed; only the nineteen Trainees who had received Indications were excused from their regular schedule. It was sobering, too, for the original group of twenty-four was already reduced in number. In the end, there would be but twelve new Padawans.
Obi-Wan had already written letters to four Knights and two Masters who had given him Indications. The other five, three Knights and two Masters, he'd scheduled for today, all for this morning.
The interviews all went smoothly. Obi-Wan chatted with each a bit first, then politely told each that he would not be Choosing them, but was very grateful for their interest. Each interview went well, each Knight or Master wishing him well and thanking him for his consideration. Because he was not "interviewing" them per se, the meetings went quickly.
Because of the gravity of their decision, the nineteen Trainees receiving Indications were allowed as much time as they wanted to spend on their decision-making process... and the other Trainees were therefore warned off from trying to visit with them. It was a rare two days of solitude, therefore, and Obi-Wan, knowing he had a lot to think about, welcomed the chance to be alone with his thoughts. Nothing was allowed to interfere with this time.
Bant did catch up to him once, briefly squeezing his hand. "I know you'll do the right thing," she murmured.
"Trust in the Force," he replied, squeezing back. He looked earnestly into her silver eyes, hoping she could read how serious he was. "I am, and I know what I am doing."
She nodded and moved on.
Obi-Wan spent the afternoon reading Qui-Gon's extensive public folder, familiarizing himself with its contents. He was soon lost in it, reading mission reports going back to the Hyperspace Wars about ten years ago, and beyond to the earliest years of Qui-Gon's Knighthood. Qui-Gon Jinn had been on many dangerous missions, alone and with others, one of the deadliest of which was that fateful mission to Telos where Qui-Gon had had to kill Crion and fight his own apprentice - Xanatos, Crion's son. Every word of that report spelled pain, and Obi-Wan found his face wet with tears when he was finished with it.
Finally he could read no more mission reports. Obi-Wan returned to the poetry he'd been reading days ago. He thought those would lift his spirits, but his eyes fell on a piece written shortly after Xanatos's betrayal. It was more of a reflection than a poem...
"How can I go on without a heart? For you have destroyed mine in your turning, cut it out when you first raised a lightsaber to me. I am lost and cannot be found again. I will never love again, will never feel the sacred touch of another in my mind. I severed our bond, knowing I would prefer my mind forever silent than to hear one more word of your darkness. Never again."
Now Obi-Wan was openly crying, using the edge of his tunic to wipe at his eyes. [You will love again, Qui-Gon!] he thought silently, holding the Force close. [I love the Light, I will never turn, I could never, ever do that to you... you don't need to fear that...]
Pulling some composure back around himself, he closed the poetry section and next viewed a subfolder containing articles and essays Qui-Gon had written over the years. This would reveal the man's mind the best, showing his opinions on Jedi matters and issues in the Republic. Obi-Wan calmed as he became absorbed and fascinated in the beautifully written, clear treatises. The man was a born teacher! He couldn't wait to discuss some of this with his new...
Obi-Wan shut down the screen abruptly. Nothing was settled yet. Qui-Gon still had to Accept him. Yawning, then chuckling when his stomach rumbled, the boy realized it was very late and he'd missed nightmeal. "Maybe I can find something in the kitchens," he muttered under his breath as he left the library.
Qui-Gon Jinn had spent the afternoon much as Obi-Wan had, perusing his potential Padawan's public folder. The boy's education and physical training record was here as well, and the Master was intrigued to learn that Obi-Wan had nearly always excelled at everything. He was an exceptional student, ahead of his yeargroup in physical training, and well-liked by nearly everyone. There were a few anecdotal notes from various Masters who had mentioned rare skirmishes or overly aggressive sparring matches with a few Trainees who were likely envious. The boy was not known to be aggressive otherwise, he was glad to note.
Scans of Obi-Wan's collection of paintings and sketches revealed a growing talent, but the boy had not added to the collection in three years. Did he pick up graphite to sketch again because of Qui-Gon's encouragement the other night? Why had he stopped drawing? Knowing children, it could have been anything - a stray comment, perhaps. [He must be encouraged further,] Qui-Gon made a mental note, then sighed... he was already thinking of the boy as his Padawan.
[Will he Choose me? He had many other Indications, it sounded like.] Qui-Gon paused in his reading, closing his eyes. As always, he could clear his mind and feel the constant undercurrent of the Force in and around him. [Yoda was right; it is time for me to risk my heart again, to learn to love again. Can I love this boy?]
Having a Padawan was extremely intensive, he knew very well. He'd be giving up the solitude he'd enjoyed for three years. Enjoyed? Wallowed in, more like it. It was not good for a Jedi to be alone so much. He did miss the companionship and the familiar touch of another's mind. Could he go from being alone to having this other being become all and everything to him?
And there was the intimacy... Obi-Wan was young yet, but within a year or two he would be ready to be physically intimate with his Master, to learn the ways of loving from him and to deepen their bond. The communion between a Master and a Padawan was a wondrous thing, a beautifully harmonious symbol of what it meant to be Jedi for whom Love was their strength. Qui-Gon had given himself fully to two Padawans already... and would do no less with this one.
As a Jedi Master, Qui-Gon had learned not to depend on the comfort of having a sexual partner. He'd survived just fine pleasuring himself alone these last three years. That would continue, of course, until Obi-Wan expressed a desire to please him in that way. Living in very close quarters, nudity would never be an issue between them, though for the sake of Obi-Wan's awakening sexual desires, it ought to be minimal. They would talk about all this, of course, when the time was right.
[Someday,] he mused, turning his mind to more immediate matters. [Meanwhile we have a bond to form... and will have to get used to one another.] He glanced around his quarters, which were rather empty at the moment. He'd switched quarters immediately after Xanatos had left, though Yoda had pulled a fast one on him, assigning him to a different set of rooms that were set up for a Master-Padawan pair, rather than the solitary Master's suite he'd asked for. If the Temple quartermaster wanted to waste the space, that was not his doing. Yoda. The old, green creature had known all along, of course, that Qui-Gon Jinn would one day - when he was ready - take on another Padawan.
Qui-Gon rose and pulled his robe around him, slipping his hands into the voluminous sleeves. He went to the "Padawan's room" to look at it. It was more of a study room, featuring a table and chair and data terminal, plus an open space for meditation. The door had been kept closed though once in a while he meditated in there. Would this room be soon filled with a Padawan's clutter?
[I will have to get another bed,] he thought idly, thinking of his sleeping room with the single, oversized bed, custom built for his large frame. One side of the room was empty, though he'd shoved his press over there. Normally a Padawan slept in the same room as his Master, either on his own bed or in his Master's bed. [Another thing to talk about... soon.]
The dataterminal in the common room chirped, indicating an incoming message. Qui-Gon went to answer it, sitting down before the screen. As he'd half expected, it was Master Yoda.
"My Master," Qui-Gon murmured to the holographic image.
"My Qui-Gon," Yoda replied a bit smugly. "Heard that you made an Indication, I have."
"Yes. I can no longer ignore the murmurings of the Force."
"Hmmm..." Yoda looked his former student over with interest. "Twelve Indications, Obi-Wan Kenobi received. Many options open to him, there are."
Qui-Gon sighed, smiling wanly. "You're calling to say 'I told you so.' You already know whom he will Choose."
Yoda cackled in glee. "So obvious, am I?"
"Transparent... to me, Master," Qui-Gon murmured.
The little being subsided, looking at him with compassion. "In a year's time, imagine being without him, you will not be able."
"I know. I feel that as well."
Yoda whispered, "Love him already, do you?"
Qui-Gon felt the twinge again, but it was a sweet aching, not the dreaded pain of loss. "You feel it, don't you... the Force drawing me to him. And drawing him to me."
"Yesss... breathes in you both, the Force does. Good this is, Qui-Gon. Much good for you, much good for him. Much good for the Order."
"Master... thank you. I think so, too."
Yoda nodded. "May the Force be with both of you, my Padawan."
"And you. Good night."
When the screen went dark, Qui-Gon felt another little twinge of something he hadn't felt in a very long time... a spark of hope.
Promptly at the start of 8th Hour, Obi-Wan Kenobi slipped into the star map room... only to discover the subject of his interview was already there. He stood inside the door and watched for a moment as the Jedi Master activated the display for a star by touching one of the floating lights. Then Qui-Gon Jinn looked over and smiled briefly. "Good morning, Obi-Wan," he greeted the Trainee who came over to join him.
"Which star is that?" Obi-Wan asked, looking at the holographic display hanging in the air.
"Read for yourself, Painter," the Master murmured, pulling out a chair for him.
The boy studied the display. "Yavin... I've never heard of Yavin. The moon of the fourth planet is habitable, it says."
Qui-Gon sighed. "You'll study the history of the Order soon... and you'll learn that a fierce warrior race lived on that moon who were fanatically devoted to the Sith Lords. They gave the Jedi quite a lot of trouble over the millennia. There are no Massassi left now, but a mammoth temple is there still, dedicated to the Sith."
Obi-Wan shuddered. "Glad there are no more Sith," he muttered. Then he looked up as Qui-Gon turned to look at him. "Um, time for our interview?"
"Of course," Qui-Gon replied, and touched off the display. Then he smiled, looking the boy over.
"What?" Obi-Wan asked, wondering at the look.
"You look considerably more calm and rested than the last time I saw you," Qui-Gon offered gently. "Just think, this will soon be all over."
Obi-Wan's eyes widened. Just what did THAT mean? "Ah, thanks... I think. I know, I overreacted. I'm really sorry..."
The Master waved it off. "Not to worry, Painter. Now, you have questions for me?"
"Oh, that..." Obi-Wan put the datapad that he'd brought onto an empty area of the console, then activated it and brought up a screen. "Someone else, not Master Nivmal, wrote the interview questions for us. I guess they thought we wouldn't think up very good ones."
"You may ask me anything you want, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said quietly. "Whichever of those questions you wish and any of your own. It is your right and your privilege to be informed."
Obi-Wan was reading over the list. He didn't like the questions, thinking them to be a little simplistic, but there were a couple he thought he could try out. "All right. Um, do you like gardening?"
Qui-Gon chuckled. "That's on the list?"
"Yeah... ah..."
"Yes. Next question?"
Obi-Wan frowned at the screen. "Er..."
Suddenly a long-fingered hand reached over and deactivated his datapad. "Ask from the heart, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon murmured as he sat back again. "And I will answer."
Oh, Obi-Wan had questions... but most he could not ask. Like if Master Qui-Gon could love him forever... or if he liked to rub his penis when it got stiff in the morning. Then he knew. "Master Qui-Gon, why did you change your mind?"
The Jedi Master's eyes widened. Then he spoke slowly. "I changed my mind because a boy took my face in his hands and kissed my cheek and because he drew my spirit on paper."
Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to widen his eyes. "Because I kissed you and drew your picture? That's why?"
Qui-Gon smiled. "Yes. I was careful not to take the Ghisho into consideration. Since it was a present. Although the Force had something to do with my decision as well. And yours also, I think."
"Oh, that..." Obi-Wan gulped, remembering how powerful it had hit him when he got his Indications... and didn't see Qui-Gon's name. "That had a LOT to do with it. Although..." He smiled shyly, daring to reach out and finger the edge of the Master's robe sleeve, the nearest part of the other to him. "There were a lot of things... and I knew you needed to be loved. Then the Force helped me to see that I was the one who was meant to love you."
The lips of the Master parted in surprise at the boy's frank but utterly sincere words. The Force, speaking in him? A hint of prophecy? A foreshadowing that indeed they may become more than Master and Padawan some day? Then the wisp of Force-sight had gone, leaving behind a boy playing with his sleeve nervously.
Qui-Gon's large hand closed over the boy's. "I sense there is something you wish to tell me, Painter," he said softly.
Indeed there was. Obi-Wan had remembered about his friends ambushing him after the first day's events. "Ah..." He wanted to think instead about the big hand surrounding his. "Um, well, it's about my friends."
The big hand gently uncurled his fingers from the edge of the sleeve, and closed around his whole hand, holding it carefully. "Yes. You have many loving, loyal friends, Obi-Wan. You are very lucky to have them."
[He's holding my hand, he's holding my hand,] Obi-Wan was thinking, feeling a bit warm. "Um, yes, I am. Ah, they're very worried about me."
"Oh?" Suddenly Qui-Gon knew what was coming, what was bothering the boy. He knew that people talked about him behind his back, saying he would not take another Padawan... and why. Very likely Obi-Wan knew about Xanatos... and so did his friends. "They do not think you should be my Padawan," he murmured. "They're... afraid for you."
"How did you know?" Obi-Wan asked, looking up at him. A tear fell down his cheek.
Qui-Gon reached and caught the tear on a finger. "I know how people talk. I know what they've been thinking. I have been... too alone for some time. They wonder, as I have, if I can love anyone again."
"You can, I know you can," Obi-Wan breathed, his eyes filling with tears again. "I... I know you've been hurt. But the Force is calling you to move on now, to let yourself love again."
"Yes, my beautiful little Painter, indeed it is," Qui-Gon murmured, smiling, his hand lightly caressing the boy's hand in reassurance. "You've shown me that. I will warn you... I may have to be reminded sometimes. I have been very alone. Will you do that?"
The boy nodded shyly. He wasn't supposed to ask this, but he asked anyway. "If I Choose you, Master Qui-Gon, are you going to Accept?"
The Master winked at him. "Now that's something you're not allowed to ask. And you know that answer already. Any more questions?"
Obi-Wan, snuffling though smiling, got even more bold. "Can we do mouth-kissing?"
Qui-Gon laughed. "Oh, Obi-Wan, I have no doubt we will do *everything*... in time. All good things in their time."
"Cuddling?" Obi-Wan frowned momentarily. If he had to wait to cuddle his Master...
"Oh, absolutely," Qui-Gon replied easily. "I might even insist on that."
"Oh, GOOD," Obi-Wan sighed in relief. "Me, too!" He turned over the large hand, examining its creases, calluses, and scars. "I've... never seen a hand this big. But then you're the tallest Human I know, too." He looked up into the man's gently smiling face. "You were amazing in the demonstration a few days ago."
"Thank you, Painter."
The boy thought of something. "Did you say I was beautiful a minute ago?"
Qui-Gon looked over the fine, light-brown hair that bore just a hint of red, the high forehead, the ever-changing eyes, the sweet face... "I did indeed. You are a handsome young man. And I believe you'll make a very fine Knight someday."
"Really?"
"Of course. You're an exceptional student, and a very good athlete. The Force is strong with you and you're devoted to the Light." Qui-Gon leaned forward, turning his hand over and squeezing the boy's fingers gently. "I must warn you of something, Obi-Wan. I can be a hard Master. Because I see so much potential in you, I will demand a great deal of you, more than you might think you're capably of or ready for. You will study harder than ever, and work hard, too. There won't be time for many personal pursuits or pleasures, though I would like you to resume at least your sketching. A Jedi needs a creative outlet to stretch his mind. And we will need to take personal time together to build our relationship. Especially since there will be times in which you may believe that I am being too harsh with you."
Obi-Wan gazed steadily at him during the little lecture. These were things he'd known, but had not necessarily experienced. The Masters who worked with the Trainees were equally as interested in making sure the children were loved and confident as they were with their education. By the Jedi's standard, they could even be viewed as indulgent. All that was going to be over now. "I understand, Master Jinn," he replied slowly. "I know I have to work hard to become a Knight. I know that you have worked a very long time to achieve what you have, to perform as you did. And... I want that if I am to become a good Jedi Knight."
"In love is our strength," Qui-Gon quoted gently, then raised the boy's hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles with a sort of reverent tenderness that made the boy's eyes widen with hope. Then the Master looked at the slim hand in his as he added quietly, "I have grown away from loving another, Obi-Wan. I am unused to it, and shy from it because of what I remember of the last Padawan I tried to love. Pain... like that, dies with difficulty."
The boy felt a flush of warmth for this man go through him. "If you could just let me..." Suddenly he felt funny, as if the Force was calling him to back off, give the Master space. He took his hand back, crossing his arms and tucking his hands under. He'd wanted to throw himself into the Master's arms, snuggle close and tell him everything was going to be all right, but this wasn't his Master, not yet, and he suspected that would be a bit much. "I'm sorry, this is too soon..." He picked up the datapad and hugged it to his chest. "I'm sorry, Master Qui-Gon..."
The man let him back off, simply nodding and sitting back. Obi-Wan could see the wall slip back down over his demeanor, closing him back inside his shell. "Do you have any more questions?"
Obi-Wan looked into his eyes, seeing a wary hope there that he knew he must respect. The Master wanted to love him, very much, wanted to form the mind-communion with him that would guide Obi-Wan's training... he just did not know if he was capable of that again. [I will show him... over time,] the boy thought to himself, resolute. [I must be patient... Force knows he will be patient as my teacher. I can do no less with him as his Padawan...]
"No, Master," Obi-Wan replied quietly. "My Choice is made. There is no further purpose in this interview." He stood and bowed to the tall Jedi.
Qui-Gon rose as well, nodding in reception of the bow. "My choice is made as well, Painter." He spoke softly, nearly whispering, his dark blue eyes studying the young face.
Obi-Wan spent several hours in the practice arena, restless because of the necessity of following form - he could not submit his Choice until tonight. Garen, equally solemn, joined him there shortly after Obi-Wan arrived, and together the two boys worked through a series of practice forms with and without lightsabers - in silence.
Hours later, they emerged from the arena after showering, arm in arm, still maintaining a companionable silence. Garen, though he'd made his own Choice and was content with it, felt his best friend's emotional undercurrent of impatience and worry. He knew without asking. Obi-Wan had chosen Jinn after all.
The two boys headed for the meditation gardens. Obi-Wan felt an acute need to lose himself in the meditative trance, to forego thought to the pure breathing of the Force, clearing his mind and refreshing his spirit. He and Garen found an isolated spot - they'd encountered a couple other classmates, equally solemn in facing the gravity of their Choice - and knelt side by side to meditate.
Obi-Wan was immensely grateful for the solid presence beside him. Garen would understand, he felt sure. Bant would be another matter, and there were other of their friends who would reject his Choice, but Garen at least would accept. He felt the support though they had not exchanged a word, and realized abruptly that Garen must know... that Obi-Wan's subtle tension was obvious enough to the boy who knew him so well that Garen would guess...
After a half hour, Obi-Wan reached for Garen's hand. The other immediately twined fingers with his, looking over with concern. "Gar," Obi-Wan said quietly, just above a whisper, "you know, don't you?"
"Yes. It's okay, Obi-Wan." Garen was quick to reassure him, squeezing his hand. "Obi, you know I love you and I trust you. I know you've thought this out."
"Oh, Garen..." Obi-Wan pulled the other boy closer, his arms slipping around his slim shoulders. "I have... and I know the Force is with me on this. I've felt it inside me, and I know this is right. Master Jinn has been a very warm, caring man before. He'll get over the hurt of losing his last Padawan faster, having a new one. I think we've made a little connection already, at least I hope so."
Garen hugged his friend hard. "Oh, Obi, I hope so, too. Will he Accept, do you think?"
Obi-Wan returned the hug equally as hard, his head on the taller boy's shoulder. "Yes, I have every reason to believe he will. At least I hope he doesn't get cold feet at the last minute."
They fell silent, then sat like that for a long while more, resting in each other's embrace, feeling the warmth of their friendship and their mutual hopes for the future.
After a while Garen whispered in his friend's ear, "Our lives will be very different, having one Master and living with just him. We'll be traveling with our Masters on missions, too, seeing many worlds."
Obi-Wan sighed. "Master Jinn mentioned several times how intense the relationship between Master and Padawan is. Remember Valed and Knight Hassik? Force, I want to be close to my Master like that..."
"Me, too," Garen whispered back. "They kept touching and the way they looked at each other... do you think they're in love?"
The concept of being "in love" was as yet alien to the boys who were still early in their pubescence, but they believed, had been taught, of the wonders of being in love and being sexual, expressing feelings for another in a sexual way. The Jedi Order encouraged close relationships, believing that love and intimacy encouraged the compassion and caring that Jedi needed to function as the guardians for peace and justice in the Galaxy.
"Oh, yeah," Obi-Wan replied dreamily. [If Master Qui-Gon could ever look at me one day like Knight Hassik looked at his Padawan...]
Just then his stomach rumbled. The boys broke out into laughter, realizing that they were both hungry. They tightened their hug briefly, exchanging the usual cheek-kisses. Jumping to their feet, they ran out of the gardens, heading for the dining hall.
After nightmeal, Obi-Wan posted his Choice, feeling a great deal of peace and an inner flurry of happiness. This, like the Indications, was done by datapost. Because two Trainees could potentially Choose the same Master, a committee of Masters reviewed the Choices. Usually a second and third Choice was also submitted, so the committee, where there was a conflict, would contact the Knights or Masters involved to resolve the issue so Trainees would receive as close to their first Choice as possible.
After the pairings had been settled, the Choices had until morning to post back their Acceptances. Unlike the Indications, the Acceptances were reported to the Trainees as they came in. Before the ceremony that final night, the new Padawans would have that day to move in with their Masters and other such preparations needed to start their new roles as Jedi Padawans.
The Choosing Trainees, preferring to stay together as a group this last evening, huddled together in their dormitory's lounge. Master Nivmal, when an Acceptance came in, would bring the news in to them one at a time, affording them the opportunity to celebrate. In fact, the atmosphere was indeed like a party, with music and snacks and drinks. And it was likely to go late into the night, the group being too excited to sleep. Tonight, that was certainly allowed.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi..." Master Nivmal appeared at the door to the lounge where the young people were chatting.
Obi-Wan felt a sudden weakness. He was the first to be called. He felt Garen's sympathetic gaze on him, but also the intensely curious stares of the other ten Trainees. "Yes, sir," he replied as he stood, and gave the Master a short bow.
Master Nivmal smiled at the Trainee... but was there a shadow in the smile? Had he been hoping his best and brightest could have Chosen otherwise? "Padawan Kenobi," he greeted him as such for the first time, "you have been Accepted by Master Qui-Gon Jinn. Congratulations, Padawan."
"Yes!" Obi-Wan crowed, flushed with relief and joy. "Thank you, Master," he responded to his teacher, grinning though he was also at the same time aware of the rising murmurs around him. [Padawan, I'm Qui-Gon's Padawan!] he thought, elated.
"Congrats, Obi," Garen spoke up immediately, jumping up to give his friend a hug. Over Obi-Wan's shoulder, he gestured to their frozen group to do the same.
"Oh, Obi," Luwill sighed as he hugged his friend in turn. "Are you sure?"
"Never more," Obi-Wan replied. He was determined to show his classmates his determination and his happiness in his decision. [Bant could be another matter...]
Others said similar things to him, happy for him yet still wary and concerned about Master Jinn.
Garen, circulating about the group a little to add reassurances, overheard a few talking about confronting Jinn regarding their Obi-Wan. Concerned as well, Garen chose not to tell Obi-Wan about the plan, having his own reservations about the tall, solemn Master himself.
(continued in part 3)