Chi'i Meditations

by Redd

Archive: you want to archive my work? M_A, if they want it, the rest please ask so I can link to your site.

Category: Qui/Obi

Rating: NC17 for nudity and language.

Warnings: written while playing Elton John "One Night Only" CD, see if you can tell what part was written to what song! *sighs*

Spoilers: TPM big time.

Summary: My take on what happened after Qui-Gon offered Obi-Wan up to the trials like a side of beef for Anakin. Obi-Wan mediates inside of himself and his subconscious decides to take matters into it's own hands.

Feedback: Please, I'd love some, remember the more feedback the faster an author writes! ^_^

Obi-Wan stood naked on a moonlit lake, the water went up to his ankle. He knew the lake well, only the first few feet were shallow then there was a huge drop off of deep water. There was no one around for miles, only a heavy forest and night animals. He sat on a near by rock and looked out on the huge lake and smiled as a fish jumped out of the water. The ripples were a huge disturbance on a completely calm lake. Seeing the calm disturbed somehow made Obi-Wan feel better. Without thinking he summoned his lightsaber from his pile of clothing and threw it in the water, then he wrapped his arms around his knees holding himself close. Out of no where the lightsaber came flying back at him, and he caught it easily, almost absent-mindly. He looked up to see a Qui-Gon, surrounded by a white, only wearing a loose toga, rise up from the water like the Lady of the Lake. He walked over to him, floating maybe a foot over the water but with the calm lake his footprints could still be seen.

"I think you dropped something," he said.

"Oh no, I threw it," Obi-Wan sobbed.

"And here I thought you were going back to Naboo, you don't seem eager to go."

"I don't want to go, if I had my way I would never see my Master again."

"This wouldn't have to do with the council incident earlier, does it?" the white figure began to change appearance, it became the image and voice of Queen Amadalia but still in the white toga, but more modesty covered.

"Oh no," he said sarcastically, "why should anything like being disowned by Master Jinn bother me?"

"He doesn't think before he speaks, I swear he doesn't. Great Jedi he is… but as a human he's got major issues. You knew this when you signed on."

"No, I didn't! Why do you always say that?"

"Well if you didn't then I did."

Obi-Wan looked down at the water, "Well thank you for tipping me off to that."

The figure laughed lightly and sat down next to him. "Obi, don't be so draft all the time. You had to know on some level, if not then I wouldn't have known. I'm your lesser consciousness, remember?"

Obi-Wan refused to look at 'her'. He found it odd that his subconscious had changed form but knew better than to ask. Messages. Everyone ounce of this world conveyed a message to him. Now just what was he trying to tell himself.

"Do you think this Anakin is the Chosen One of legend?"

"I don't know, but Master Jinn is so sure of it."

"Ah, true, but there is something about the boy that bothers you. Is it the fear and anger you sense in him or is it his attachment to Qui-Gon and Qui-Gon's forming attachment to him?

"It's everything! It hurts so bad and I love him so much. I thought I saw that love in his eyes to…"

"But you didn't make a move, and it would be less than cooth for a Master to make moves on his padawan. Maybe he just got tired of waiting, and you know how he gets when he feels so strongly about things. If he is one hundred percent sure that this kid is the one of prophecy not even Master Windu will be able to convince him otherwise."

"It's more than that."

The vision paused and sighed, "Are you sure you are ready to talk about that?"

"Qui-Gon is going to fall in love with Anakin, who is going to be the most wonderful, powerful Jedi ever. I'll be nothing more than a fucking bad dream to him!"

"You are letting rage color your outlook of the vision."

"Why aren't you angry, how can you always be go goddamn calm all the time!"

"Because I see what you cannot and I think it's time for you to let Qui-Gon in before it's too late."

"It's already to late," Obi-Wan said as he turned away.

"No, you don't understand. Look into the water and then maybe you'll understand," 'she' said as the water began to bubble up near him. Obi-Wan turned away from it and stared at the sky.

"That Sith is going to kill me, isn't he?"

"Either you or Qui-Gon will die at the hands of the Sith, as of how the future holds now."

Obi-Wan turned to look at the vision as it turned back into Qui-Gon's form. "What do you mean?"

"The future is an every changing force and it is not set in stone. You can change it, you have the power and now you have the knowledge how to do it. It is the will of the Force."

Qui-Gon opened the door to his apartments, since Obi-Wan had left him after his complete blunder with the council, he assumed he would have gone to cool down and then pack for their journey back to Naboo. Qui-Gon had taken his own walk around the Temple to try to think of what to say to his hurt Padawan. It didn't exactly work out as he wanted it to, but he had opened his mouth before thinking again. Now Obi-Wan would see Ani has a rival instead of the younger brother figure he had planned. Instead of making it sound like he was casting Obi-Wan out he wanted to add a member to their family.

To stop sharing his life with Obi-Wan would be like not breathing. It couldn't exist with out his little imp in his life. He couldn't remember a time where in some way, shape or form that he did not love his imp. Somewhere inside of him knew the moment he looked at him that they were destined for great things together. It just took the rest of his mind a while to figure that out. Now that he faced losing that heart he loved so dear, he felt empty and unbalanced. He was to the point of beyond caring except to Obi-Wan.

He opened the doors to their apartment and found the place empty, the light over the kitchen table was on but the rest of the place was quiet. Qui-Gon got a very eerie feeling that something was wrong. "Obi-Wan?"

He waited a moment but nothing happened. He walked over into Obi-Wan's room and found the bags laying on the floor by the door. The bond between them was more muted than it had been after the council meeting earlier. Obi-Wan was close by and yet so far away. The sensation made Qui-Gon's skin crawl. All of a sudden the room light turned on and from the previous shadows he saw his padawan curled up in the far corner of the room, holding his knees tightly to his face.

Sending a little nudge in the force his way, Qui-Gon had expected Obi-Wan to immediately snap out of his trance-like state but nothing happened. He nudged a little harder and repeated the process when again Obi-Wan did not respond. Finally it got to the point where he was screaming through the bond and still nothing, not even a mental impression came through. Though he knew it was against his better judgment he knelt down beside his padawan and touched his leg gently, "Obi-Wan, by the gods, can you hear me?"

"What was that?" Obi-Wan jumped slightly hearing a mental wail disturb the calm of his mind. The calm night began to metamorph into a storm, lightening a few miles off, the wind picked up but it was warm and the thunder sounded like a deep voice yelling. The lake became choppy, the water splashing up on the rock, threatening to take Obi-Wan underneath.

"The storm is Qui-Gon," the vision explained slowly.

"Obi-Wan, by the gods, can you hear me?" he heard Qui-Gon say, he sounded muted and very far away.

"Master?" Obi-Wan shrieked, nearly jumping out of his skin. Lightening from above hit the water around him, the wind picked him up and cast him aside. He closed his eyes as he hit the ground hard.

"Go be with Anakin," Obi-Wan said, his voice completely neutral, "I will be ready to leave when it's time to go."

Qui-Gon had never been so relieved to hear Obi-Wan's voice before, even though he sounded like a droid. He had been sitting with him for about an hour and he hadn't made a sound or moved in all that time. Qui-Gon had even checked a few times to see if he was even still breathing. "Padawan, where are you?"

"Master Jinn, go away, you don't know what you are doing."

"Yes, I do, I'm sitting here with you, Obi-Wan."

"No, you don't understand. Walk away and leave now or else…"

"Or else what?" he couldn't tell if Obi-Wan was threatening him or just very afraid.

"Just leave before it's too late," Obi-Wan said, tears running down his pale cheeks, "don't you understand."

Qui-Gon began to faintly understand as he felt a pulling over the bond, somehow Obi-Wan was pulling him into his mind. His logical mind told him to leave, alert the healers but something deep inside of him held him fast. Appearing to abandon him was one thing but to actual abandon Obi-Wan was something completely different. He removed the last of his shields, wrapped his arms around his frightened padawan and felt himself drift into the oblivion his beloved was trapped into.

When Obi-Wan opened his eyes he regained consciousness of what was going on around him. Two strong arms where holding him close, lips in his hair, his chin resting on a powerful shoulder. He blinked twice in order to focus, turning to see who was holding him and gasped as he saw it was Qui-Gon. "Master?" he whispered.

Qui-Gon slowly opened his eyes, coming into his own consciousness he held him tightly. "My god, Obi-Wan, you scared me to death. You were frozen like a statue," he sobbed.

"Don't worry, I won't scare you anymore," Obi-Wan said, the bitterness flowed through his tones.

"No, it's not like that," trying to explain Qui-Gon felt like a drowning man. They just stared into each other's eyes a moment, Qui-Gon's pleading and Obi-Wan's hurting. As Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak they heard an argument only a few paces away.

"So you just woke up this morning and decided I'm ready to take the trials, oh thank you for consulting me! If I didn't know better this had to do with your desire to take on that Skywalker boy and nothing to do with my abilities."

"What the Sith?" Qui-Gon whispered as ghostly versions of himself and Obi-Wan stood before them in a heated argument. Obi-Wan just held on to him, sobbing quietly into his shoulder.

"Don't be stupid, Obi-Wan, you think this is an easy decision for me. I didn't have time to discuss this with you, I was hoping you would support me on this, nonetheless," 'Qui-Gon' sighed, holding his head in his left hand.

"Well excuse me for being non-supportive, I don't exactly support the fact that you are turning me away for the almighty Chosen One."

"That isn't how it's going to be, and you know that."

"Maybe I do but damn if it doesn't feel that way."

"You are still going to be in my life, we are just getting a new member to our family."

"Family? You and I both know the council won't approve of us staying together as a team when you have a padawan learner."

'Qui-Gon' sighed again and moved over to 'Obi-Wan', putting his hands on his shoulders, pulling his sobbing apprentice into his arms, "This isn't exactly the way I planned it, it was supposed to be over a nice quiet dinner once you were knighted but I have horrible luck with planning things. You know I love you, beloved…"

"I love you too, Qui,"

"...I know, this is why I want to be your bondmate. I have spent almost ten years with you and I know that I want no one else by my side."

"Yes, yes, yes, I feel the same way, I love you so much. I knew you wanted to wait to start our relationship until after I was knighted but I had no idea. I never want to leave your side again," he sobbed uncontrollably.

"We'll train Anakin together, my love, it's all right now."

"There is nothing to distract us now," he said, smiling, "now we can defeat the Sith."

"And defeat him we will, together."

The ghostly images disappeared, the true Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan still held each other close, both crying quietly. "What was that?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I'm not sure, Master," Obi-Wan whispered as he lifted his face up, and with a free hand slowly began to pull Qui-Gon's chin down. "I love you, Master, with my heart, mind, body and soul," he said as their lips were about to touch.

"Obi-Wan..."

A force like that of a hurricane ripped Obi-Wan one way and Qui-Gon the next, the lines of reality became blurred, they could not fight it, even if they tried they would've failed. Returning to his own mind he heard a silvering laugh from the back of his mind, "Was that so hard?"

With a huge jolt they were back in the physical reality, where a very nasty Sith was waiting for them. And he had the desire to keeping that vile bastard waiting, death comes to those who wait, after all.

Obi-Wan felt dizzy and leaned against his Master. His mind felt tired and buzzed with shock of joining minds in such a complete fashion. As the energy died down he felt completely naked mentally, all of his shields had been stripped away leaving only the training bond as a force in his mind. He turned to Qui-Gon who appeared to still be in a mild mental shock but he sensed there was no danger and to let him recover naturally. Just to be sure he mentally touched him as he wrapped his arms around him, kissing his neck gently. //Gods, that feels good, my love.//

The reaching back through the bond he realized that his shields were still up and completely fine but something was wrong with their training bond, it had grown into something more powerful and all consuming beautiful that it brought tears of joy to his eyes. He could feel Qui-Gon coming to and sensing the change in their bond as well. "Obi? Are you all right?"

"Yes, and you?"

"Soul bonds are supposed to be made slowly because..."

"When did you ever do anything by the book?" Obi-Wan giggled, "anyway, something tells me that we have been building this bond for the past seven years."

Qui-Gon held onto Obi-Wan tightly, places kisses in his air. "You are probably right, you are a much wiser man than I am. And to answer your earlier question I am very well indeed, thank you for asking. I haven't felt this good in a very long time."

"I have never felt so complete or whole in my life, my love," he said nuzzling his beloved's neck, sighing happily.

"I'm glad, well, if you are all right we have to get going. We have a lot of work to do," Qui-Gon groaned.

"What was the groan for?"

"Well see it was part of my master plan, after we decided to make the bond I would keep you bed-bound for about the week afterward."

"I would've liked that very much," he said, the flesh rising on his cheeks faintly, "but we'll have forever now and it does take a few days to reach Naboo."

Qui-Gon laughed at the suggestive movement of Obi-Wan's hips. "And what do with do with Ani?"

"I think we should let him form his own bond with Padme, don't you?"

"Wicked but probably true," he stood up helping Obi-Wan up with him, he kissed him fully on the mouth as the walked to the door of his room.

The lake was calm and the stars shown brightly in the night sky as two lovers held each other on the shore.

"Welcome home, my love," 'Obi-Wan' whispered to 'Qui-Gon'.

"You made us a beautiful home, darling, and I will never forget it."

"Yes, I also seduced you into completely the bond, but things were really getting out of hand."

"Like how?"

"Dreams of you falling in love with an older Anakin."

"Oh, god, yes very out of hand," 'Qui-Gon' snorted, "sorry, I'm in love with you, Ani will just have to settle with Padme."

'Obi-Wan' laughed as he closed his eyes and resettled quietly into the back of consciousness, 'Qui-Gon' following suit. As their physical forms met up with the Anakin and the Queen in front of the star cruiser. And there was peace in the force.