Series/Sequel: This story does stand alone, but is part of a
series; comes after "Touch", "Mortal Wounds", and "Scorched".
Pairing: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan
Rating: PG-13 (for a brief moment) and uber-angst!
Spoilers: Toward the end, a significant one for Phantom
Menace.
Archive: OK to SWAL and Master/Apprentice; all others, please
ask.
Feedback: I'll take it as simple and/or as detailed as I you
please, on-list or privately...I crave it, I desire it, I write
faster when I get it! Don't make me beg! g
Summary: Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon wrestle with the difficult
guidelines which must define their relationship.
"And here, Master?" Obi-Wan teased gently.
Qui-Gon Jinn's eyes rolled back in his head as he fought to
control his reaction to his Padawan's tongue against his body.
A soft gasp escaped him, enough for Obi-Wan to smile wickedly
against the taut skin of his Master's thigh, which he'd been
caressing with his mouth. He had found his target. So
sensually, Obi-Wan drew his lips across the skin of the thigh,
and down...
"Enough!" Qui-Gon panted, abruptly shifting his weight and
displacing Obi-Wan from between his legs.
Obi-Wan lifted his head with a confused, slightly wounded
frown. He was alarmed, and hurt, although he tried very hard to
shield this from Qui-Gon. Nevertheless, his Master read him as
easily as one reads the open summer sky, and Obi-Wan found
himself captured in his Master's embrace, briefly, as a
reminder he was cherished. His Master's lips brushed over his
with intoxicating, annoying tenderness, then retreated as
Qui-Gon released him and sat upright on the edge of the bed,
quickly pulling his tunic and leggings on.
With a sigh, Obi-Wan sat up in the bed, hesitant to abandon
their lovemaking. Every day had brought a new delight, a
different kind of sensation. His body had begun to covet these
nuances of variation, the indelible mark Qui-Gon was leaving
upon his skin, and in his heart. From even before the first day
of his apprenticeship, he'd shared a remarkably close bond with
his Master, but the remaining confines of his Master's psyche
had crumbled on the night he first took his Padawan to his bed.
Obi-Wan felt he'd been allowed a glimpse into a treasure vault,
his Master's deepest dread and desire, and he held that
knowledge sacred. For the first time since that night, he
sensed something else...deception. Qui-Gon was deliberately
hiding something from his apprentice, something which had the
distinct resonance of fear, and Obi-Wan had decided he would
not allow any secrets to be kept.
Qui-Gon felt a focusing of the Force being brought to bear
against his hastily erected mental barriers, but repelled the
questioning with great effort. More and more, Obi-Wan's
strength and clarity within the Force surprised him, but he
would not be taken to task this night...not while he still had
so many conflicting beliefs about what must be settled between
them.
"What is it, Master?" Obi-Wan's expression reflected his worry.
It was not like Qui-Gon to hide things from him. Not anymore.
"It will keep, Padawan." Qui-Gon turned, looking at his student
with eyes which gave away nothing. What he saw was an achingly
young man with an unguarded expression which reflected bright
hope and confidence. Qui-Gon sighed. "You must trust me in
this. We will speak about my concerns when I have resolved my
feelings."
Obi-Wan reached out tentatively with the Force, becoming more
aware every moment that something was deeply troubling his
Master. For the first time since their connection to one
another had been altered by passion, Obi-Wan was frightened by
an irrational fear --that his Master, having possessed him, now
meant to forsake him to an uncertain destiny.
Qui-Gon could sense his student's fear. It was palpable, almost
destructive in its apprehension. The Master Jedi knew he must
distance himself from the younger man, if only for a short
time, to collect his thoughts and achieve some clarity of
purpose regarding this vague sense of foreboding he had been
struggling to overcome. He fastened his lightsaber to his belt
and said without turning, "There are many things to be
discussed." He paused, and the words which followed escaped
before he felt able to dominate them. "You will be here when I
return?"
"Where else would I go, Master?" The reply was innocuous
enough, but Qui-Gon felt the words tinged with a nebulous
challenge. Qui-Gon nodded his head and fled his student's
company, distressed by the lack of control he was feeling.
Obi-Wan watched the door slide shut behind his Master and
hunched down in the bed they shared, defeated. If his Master
meant to sever their relationship, there was nothing he could
do to stop it from happening. He felt powerless next to his
Master's able manipulation of both events and surroundings.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and settled back into the bedding,
shivering with cold. All answers would come in their own time.
This, Master Yoda had managed to teach him, between numerous
protests and interruptions. All answers would be revealed, in
time.
Qui-Gon stood near the largest portal on the astro-navigation
deck and stared at the cold brilliance of the stars before him.
He'd placed his apprentice in danger by allowing his feelings
to infringe upon his duty. There was no excuse for such a
flagrant violation of the Jedi Code.
A wry smile crept across Qui-Gon's face, speculative, mindful.
He'd broken the Code on many occasions since becoming a Master.
His resolution would not turn to the bidding of others. Even
Master Yoda had never been able to dissuade him from a
particular course of action. Lecture after lecture, discipline
after discipline, and he remained headstrong, following his own
counsel. He sensed the same bravado in Obi-Wan. It both pleased
and worried him. If his apprentice was to become strong in the
living Force, this rebellion which was burning within him must
be quelled, to some extent. And what would become of Obi-Wan if
he were forced to subjugate himself to the will of others?
Qui-Gon knew there was much he could teach the younger man, and
much which would be sacrificed if he chose to remain as Master
to this particular exquisite Padawan.
He turned and began the slow walk to their sleeping quarters.
"Obi-Wan. Wake now."
The voice was serene, but firm. Confused in the darkness,
Obi-Wan sat up too quickly, his head swimming. "Master?"
"Here." The warmth of Qui-Gon's hand hovered near Obi-Wan's
face, lingering there for a long moment before his fingers
touched Obi-Wan's face. They were withdrawn quickly, leaving
Obi-Wan with a sigh of impatient yearning.
"Where have you been?" Obi-Wan spoke the words in a neutral
tone, hoping for a simple answer, but was doubtful when Qui-Gon
hesitated.
"There is something we must discuss." Obi-Wan searched his
student's eyes as he said, "There must be nothing but calm and
openness between us when we travel together, Padawan."
"I understand, Master, but -" Obi-Wan began.
Qui-Gon silenced him with a look. "Obi-Wan. When we travel
together, we represent the will of those who dispatch us to do
their bidding. There must be nothing outward between us. Do you
understand the importance of this?"
"I believe so, Master," Obi-Wan said slowly. "We cannot allow
our passions to dictate to us, nor can they interfere with the
mission we must complete."
"Yes," Qui-Gon replied, sadness tingeing his tone. "I cannot
allow my feelings for you to jeopardize an assignment. Never
again."
"Nor can I," Obi-Wan agreed. The full magnitude of this was
clear to him. No matter the battle, or the stakes, each must be
ready to sacrifice the other. His eyes filled with tears as he
looked to his teacher, his lover, the man who had become the
most important person in his world, and tried to picture life
without him.
Qui-Gon's breath caught in his throat as he saw the look of
genuine distress on Obi-Wan's face. He reached out and took his
apprentice's face between his hands, and as the Force fluxed
between them like soft water between grains of sand, he
channeled trust and love to his apprentice.
Suddenly, stunningly, Qui-Gon saw his future revealed...a
battle which could not be won, a death which was unavoidable, a
grief which would shape the destiny of another. He knew,
instantly, that Obi-Wan would be the source of one of the
greatest trials any Jedi could ever face...but he would not be
there to share that risk. And as suddenly as that wisdom was
revealed, it was snatched away.
"Master??" Obi-Wan sensed the shift in his Master's abilities,
but could not comprehend the full force of his grief, for
Qui-Gon had already locked that away, along with the great
curse of unexpected knowledge. So many things were not to be,
and so little time was left to them...
"Hush, Padawan." Qui-Gon enfolded Obi-Wan in his embrace, so
powerfully that his student's surprise registered clearly
within the confines of their mental bond. But Qui-Gon had no
time to indulge Obi-Wan's curiosity. Every instant, every
gesture, every embrace was vital now.
And there would be only one chance left for him to save this
young man. Qui-Gon hoped he would be strong enough, when the
time came.
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