Master Apprentice
Archive
Blame it on Qui-Gon
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Pairing: QG/P
Archive: Master_Apprentice, my site at http://www.geocities.com/area51/keep/8613/artists.html, anyone else, just ask
Category: AU, Humor, Non Q/O, Q/O implied
Rating: PG
Spoilers: For TPM, a tiny little one for AOTC
Summary: Cause and effect, what really happened to cause the downfall of the Republic
Feedback: Very welcome.
Notes: This was inspired by the Qui? A degenerate? subject and the Mpreg discussion that was previously on the list. **This is NOT meant to hurt or make fun of anyone's feelings.** Please blame my beta. She called and woke me up too early Sunday morning. This is the result.
More Notes: Thanks for the beta MAIG <-----blame her
Warnings: M/M relationship, age variance of characters
Disclaimer: The Boyz aren't mine. More's the pity. This story is for the pleasure of the readers only. I don't make a thing.
"Master, I'm pregnant."
The words sort of hung in the air, like a big, flaming sign. The man glanced up at his master from his kneeling position on the floor. His master was staring at him with a rather flummoxed expression.
"Run that past me again, you will, my apprentice."
The apprentice sighed heavily. "I'm pregnant."
Darth Sibilant stared down at his wayward apprentice and wondered why in the Sith hells he hadn't blasted him to the Outer Rim a long time ago.
"Sidious, don't you know the meaning of the words, 'using protection'?" the Sith Master snapped.
"Master, I didn't want him to. I loved him. I thought he was the one." The words were out before Sidious could get hold of them and he cringed.
"You loved him?" Sibilant roared. "What kind of Sith apprentice are you? Sith don't love anyone!" Before he could really get going, however, another strident voice racketed across the room.
"It was that horny bastard of a Jedi, wasn't it, Sid?" Mrs. Darth Sibilant pronounced with glee from her spot in the most comfortable chair in the room. She sighed happily as she soaked up her husband's rage and the apprentice's despair as he remembered.
FLASHBACK
"You're leaving me?"
The words were soft, tearful and Qui-Gon grimaced. He hated this part. "Ethril, don't be like this."
"But...but I thought..."
Qui-Gon turned to his lover with a sigh. He reached out to wipe away one of the tears rolling down his smooth cheek. "You can't have expected anything. Force, you're a good lay, sweet Ril, but I'm a Jedi." He dropped his hand and moved to pick up his brown cloak. "You know Jedi don't form permanent attachments."
"Permanent attachments?" his lover wailed. "Qui-Gon, it's been three years! Every other night for three years!"
The Jedi sighed as he moved towards the door. "And I enjoyed every minute of it. But I have a padawan now, Ethril. I have to think of him. He's something of a twit but Yoda saddled me with him, so there you go." The tall knight turned back to his former lover with an encouraging smile. "You'll find someone else, someone who will love you as you should be loved."
Ethril drew himself up, wiping away his tears and pulling his robes around him. "Just go, Knight Jinn," he stated quietly. "Quoting last week's holo opera at me is a little more than I can take right now."
Qui-Gon's expression tightened for a moment as he ground his teeth. Who would have though his lover watched holo operas? He gave Ethril a final, brief bow.
"Palpatine...."
"Get out."
The Jedi left.
The senator crumpled back into his bed, weeping and vowing revenge.
Qui-Gon would pay for this. And his little Order too.
END FLASHBACK
Sidious dropped his head. "Yes, Ma'am," he answered respectfully.
One was always respectful to Mrs. Darth Sibilant. Her husband was just his Sith master but she was the one he was really afraid of.
"He got you pregnant and then left you. Not even a holo call, hum?" she said, poking at his anguish with a big stick. "Off saving the republic and training that zit of an apprentice he picked up on Bandomeer."
Sidious fought back his wimpy tears. "Yes, Ma'am," he mumbled.
"Well, get rid of it, you will," Sibilant stated harshly as he paced back and forth in front of his apprentice.
"I will not!" Sidious bleated as he jumped to his feet. "This is my baby and I am not getting rid of him!"
"You'll do as you're told, Sidious," his master raged as he backhanded his apprentice. "Get rid of it!"
Mrs. Sibilant looked on curiously as the younger man slowly picked himself up off the floor. Sidious had a strange look about him and the woman bit back her anticipatory smile.
"I. Will. Not," the apprentice stated and blasted his master with purple lightning of amazing strength. There was a single scream of surprised pain and rage and then a clump of ashes fluttered to the floor. Sidious stared down at what was left of his master with complete surprise. "Well, Shit," he finally said.
"Succinctly put, Master Sith," the former Mrs. Darth Sibilant noted with a pleased smile. She was practically high with all the Dark Force energy swirling in the room.
Sidious turned to her, ready to defend himself and his baby if needed. "And I suppose you want me to get rid of my baby as well?"
"Oh, no dear," she said as she made herself more comfortable. "One's children can be quite useful in later life. I think keeping the child is an excellent idea." She gestured to the chair just opposite her and Sidious reluctantly walked over and sat down. "But I do believe you would not be the best parent for the child."
Sidious stiffened as he glared at the woman. "And what exactly do you mean by that?" he asked in a low, growling tone while purple lightening glimmered at his fingertips.
The woman didn't even blink. "Think, Sidious. You're a well-respected senator. Do you really want the stigma of an illegitimate child, a Jedi's child, for Force's sake? And you know the Naboo. They adore conservative family traditions. You'd lose the next election for certain."
Sidious pouted as he put his hand gently over his abdomen. "But I want the best for my baby. I want to give him the Republic on a platter and Qui-Gon's head as a footrest."
"Who wouldn't want that?" A gentle hand touched Sidious's cheek. "But get control first. Have the baby raised where you can keep an eye on him. When you're ready, trash the Republic and declare yourself Emperor. Then you can hand your baby an heir's crown and his pick of planets."
"You really think so?" Sidious still looked a little doubtful.
"I know so." The woman patted his cheek gently before she stood. "And while you're at it, you may destroy the Jedi. How dare that horny whelp of a Jedi dump you, my precious! I would have thought that Dooku would have taught him better manners. But there you go. Any apprentice spawn of Yoda's was bound to turn out flawed. I mean, the little troll watches WWF on a regular basis!"
Sidious sniffed once and nodded before he hardened his heart for the final time. "You're right."
"Now," she said before she moved towards the door, "there're plans to be made and someone needs to come clean up this room." She stopped briefly and used her boot to sift through the pile of ashes on the floor. "Ick."
"And we need to decide who will raise my baby," Sidious said happily as he followed his former master's wife. She flashed him a smile and he shivered. That smile had seen him doing more than one load of laundry.
"Oh, no need to worry about that, Sid," she stated. "My sister, Shmi, will do perfectly."
Sidious looked thoughtful. "But didn't you sell her into slavery after your last spat? She was really pissed at you, Aunt Shma."
"Well a little mind whammy never hurt anyone, did it? She won't remember a thing," Shma said gleefully as she turned and pinched Sidious' cheek. "Besides, you know she'd do anything for you, her precious little baby boy."
Nine years later, Chancellor Palpatine stood before the Palace of Theed as the Naboo people celebrated their victory over the Trade Federation. He could hardly take his eyes off the shining little blond apprentice standing beside the newly knighted Obi-Wan Kenobi. He had turned out beautifully, Palpatine thought with a blissful sigh. He was going to make the perfect Imperial Heir when the time came. Until then, of course, he could be kept in line by that twit, former apprentice of Qui-Gon's.
Qui-Gon. Palpatine still couldn't help the faint feeling of regret that drifted through him at the thought of that good-looking hunk of a Jedi spitted on a Sith apprentice's saber. And he hadn't gotten to see it. Damn it, those stupid generator cameras were so unreliable.
But at least he was dead. Stupid Jedi. Hadn't ever called, not even once.
Palpatine looked over the young Jedi Knight with an appraising glance. Handsome and despite the Jedi stoicism, he was obviously mourning his master. Perhaps young Obi-Wan knew what it felt like to be betrayed by Qui-Gon. Palpatine studied the new knight and wondered just how much damage that fool of a Jedi master had been able to inflict on the little stud apprentice before Maul had cored the idiot.
The Chancellor sighed again, turning his eyes back to the celebration. He'd lost Maul. And after all his hard work with the sullen clone. Palpatine had had hopes of using Maul as a governess for Ani too. He could have taught the boy quite well. Wasn't it just his luck that Kenobi turned out to be a bloody acrobat?
The former senator glanced thoughtfully over the stoic Jedi Knight again before his eyes drifted momentarily to Anakin.
The boy had turned out well. Obviously, Palpatine had a talent for turning out children. Perhaps, after he'd consolidated his control over the Republic, he'd have another child, a spare heir, so to speak. But this time, he'd give the child a good name. Not a namby-pamby name like Anakin. He still couldn't believe he'd let Shma talk him into that one. He suspected she'd mind whammied him into it just because her wimpy grandfather had that name.
No, his next child's name would be strong. A name to be proud of.
A name like Luke. Or Leia if it was a girl.
Palpatine smiled benevolently as he glanced at Obi-Wan again. Maybe he'd find out exactly what other talents Qui-Gon had passed on to his apprentice besides Force manipulation.
The End.