Archive: yes to M_A, others ask and ye shall receive
Category: POV (Ben Kenobi), Post TPM/Pre ANH
Rating: PG
Warnings: No sex :-( Maybe next time...
Spoilers: If you don't know what Fate (aka George Lucas) had in
store for our Jedi boys in TPM, you might want to hold off,
even though spoilers are slight at best.
Summary: Just prior to ANH, Ben Kenobi reflects on choices
made.
Feedback: Any and all comments welcome! :-)
Comments: Okay, y'all, after a short absence to participate in
the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life, I'm back with
this small midnight offering. Hope you enjoy. :-)
I see his father in him. Watching from afar, as I have for so
many years, I have seen him grow from a mere infant into a
laughing child. And from that child has sprouted a sullen teen,
denied his heart's desire. It is a slap in the face almost.
History, repeating? I do not know. Surely not. This boy is not
weighted down as my Padawan was. No, the burden is different
here. It was my fault that created Vader. I will not have the
opportunity to fail again.
Yes, like the desert wind against my skin, I feel my destiny
approaching. Not so far any more. When? Soon. How? I am not
sure. Clouded, the future is. Always it has been since my
Master's death. He was wrong. I was not ready. No child is. I
might have been a man in body, but I was a mere babe in the
ways of the Force. Now, I am an old man, but I am no wiser. I
fear, Master, but I am not angry. Was it Yoda who claimed that
there were no accidents? I know it to be true. Chance has never
played a part in this. Our steps together led to this day, this
moment. It was my destiny as much as Anakin's. He was indeed
the Chosen One. Balance in the Force has come, but at what
price? Our brethren, brother and sister Jedi, wiped out. Our
histories, erased. Our names are spoken in fearful whispers or
with scorn. When they are muttered at all, that is. Yes,
balance. For as the Sith are but two, so now are the Jedi. My
Master's Master and myself. And our hopes for the future rest
on two children, a boy from Tatooine and a girl raised as
nobility. The past...repeats. Strange, yet here again, there is
balance.
Qui-Gon, I wish you were here to see this boy. You would have
enjoyed him, I think. You always were one for strays and lost
causes. He is a painful joy to watch. Not only because of his
parentage, but the wild wind of his youthfulness, the burning
energy of his strength. He reminds me of more than my lost
Padawan. I look at him and I see a reflection of myself at that
age. No, that's not true. I see what I could have been, had I
not been placed upon the path of the Jedi at such a young age.
Undisciplined and dissatisfied, but so wonderfully free. The
life of a Jedi is not easy. There are many tests and trials.
And the path is so very solitary these days. Not that it has
ever been open to the masses, but before, I at least had my
Master. I miss those times when I could lean into your strong
embrace. It was from your arms that I truly felt the Force in
all it's glory. Alone, out here in the desert, the Force is
strong, but it pales in comparison to what we had. We created a
Force all of our own, more powerful than anything I have felt
since.
Perhaps you were right. Perhaps we should not have allowed
ourselves to become so close. When you died, Anakin was lost in
the dark void where my heart had once been. It has only been
here, in my lonely vigil, that I have begun to heal. And that
is how I know my time is near. There must be balance. I
destroyed Anakin so Vader will destroy me. You, my Master, the
other half of my heart and soul, have died, so I too will die.
It is only a matter of time. But first, the promise will be
kept. I failed in training the boy, your Chosen One, so I will
train this boy, my Chosen One. There will be balance, of
a sort. My mistakes will be counter-weighted by my corrections.
And although I do not believe I will live to see the end of
this, I will at least know that I have set events into motion.
Or rather, I will keep things in motion. Destiny fulfilled,
balance maintained. No, the life of a Jedi is not easy and the
death even less so. But I shall go to mine knowing that you
await me. And that makes it all worthwhile...
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