by Mary (Mae-ri... geddit?) (thebitterone@hotmail.com)
Category: humor/parody extreme silliness
Rating: G dodges flying droids
Archive: M_A, anywhere else just ask
Disclaimer: I paid for the action figures fair and square.
Therefore I may play with them as I wish, right?
Feedback: Yeah why not... and thanks to all the wunnerful
people who gave me feedback on my proper story, there's more
real ones comin soon.
Author's Notes: Please, don't anyone take offence at this
story, it's meant in jest. I actually adore the fics Obi refers
to, and I'm sure he does too ;) repeats Please, don't
anyone take offence at this story, it's meant in jest. I
actually adore the fics Obi refers to, and I'm sure he does too
;)... I really mean this it's just in fun.
Summary: A young Jedi-groupie, Qui-Gon and a very annoyed
Obi-Wan discuss [m_a]. I sense much sillyness in this.
Mae-ri whirled on her heel in surprise as the door slid open
rapidly.
"Oh, hi guys... didn't expect you home so soon!" she blustered
brightly, dropping the... borrowed lightsaber behind her back
and kicking it under the sleeping couch. A squeal of surprise
told her that she'd accidentally hit one of the slash bunnies
with the weapon. The two Jedi were oblivious to the momentary
drama.
"Obi-Wan, calm down, you're being juvenile." Qui-Gon said as
the younger man sat down and started a galaxy-class pout.
"No I'm not." He stuck his lip out petulantly and scowled at
the floor.
"What happened?" Mae-ri asked Qui-Gon as she surreptitiously
retrieved the lightsaber and put it back on the shelf.
Qui-Gon sighed.
"Obi-Wan is troubled by some things that have been happening."
"Damn right I am! I'm sick of going to banquets, the food is
always TERRIBLE. And more often then not there's some weird,
weird, weird custom we have to adhere to that involves me being
mortified!"
"I'll ask everyone to give you a break from the banquets if you
like Obi-Wan." Mae-ri offered. The Jedi didn't look mollified.
"And when we're not being tortured by pomp and procedure, I'm
having so much angst I think my plait will switch sides!"
Mae-ri and Qui-Gon tried not to smile. Obi-Wan didn't notice.
"Really, Padawan, calm down. You're only seeing one side of
this."
"I agree with Qui-Gon." Mae-ri knelt down and retrieved the
saber-accosted slash bunny, stroking it's pink fur. "These poor
critters wouldn't have anywhere to live if you two didn't take
care of them."
"Don't try and make me feel guilty because of those pathetic
life forms." Obi-Wan wasn't in the mood for caring.
"She's right, you know she's right. And if we can't appeal to
your sense of duty and compassion, can we appeal to your sense
of
if-it-wasn't-for-the-mailing-list-you-wouldn't-be-getting-any-action?"
The Jedi Master said calmly, kneeling in front of his lover.
"If it wasn't for the List, there would be no a/u and I would
be dead now. If it wasn't for the List, hundreds of humans all
over Earth would be turning blue from unvented thoughts,
observations, and vignettes."
Obi-Wan mumbled. Qui-Gon smiled. "What was that?"
"I said that I'm sick of the food. At least in the Jedi
Apprentice books I got to eat something delicious once in a
while."
"I'll mention that, I promise." Mae-ri reassured him. "Please
Obi-Wan? My earth self lives eight hours from where Episode 2
will be filmed and without the List I'll probably drive there
and get arrested. And I'm sure everyone else who writes or
reads the stories has equally good reasons to beg for your
participation."
"It would be a tragic state of affairs without you, Padawan."
Qui-Gon pointed out. "I would have to make do with Windu, Shmi,
Yoda-"
"Stop!!" Obi-Wan cried. "Master, stop!"
"Help us Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're our only hope." Mae-ri pleaded.
Obi-Wan sighed.
"All right, on a few conditions. First condition is that I get
some good eatin' sometimes. And whipped cream does not
count, Master. Second is that these horrible bunnies live with
the writers not the participants. Third is that you never,
ever, ever quote episode four again."
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