Master Apprentice Archive Out of the Ashes Quick search:

Categories: angst, h/c, AU
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Q/O
Status: Complete
Archive: M_A
Spoilers: Nope

Summary: Sometimes tragedy can bring clarity and loss can bring the unexpected...

Warnings: 1) THIS IS A BABY!FIC...that means that if having one of the boys pregnant squicks you, now is the time for you to hit the 'back' button. Unfortunately, you will be missing a lovely story... 2) This fic hints at some non-con and rape, although none of that is actually portrayed here.  3) There is a character death herein, but it is neither Qui-Gon nor Obi-Wan. 4) If you are one to cry during sad fics you may want to have a kleenex box handy. Sorry...the betas just thought you should be warned... : )

Feedback: Please. Thank you. : ) Flames, should you feel the need to send them, will be cheerfully forwarded to the ferret, who will hunt down all flamers and bite their ankles.

Disclaimers: We all know who these characters belong to (Thank you, Mr. Lucas!), so there's no question as to who's getting all the credit, money, attention, etc. for these wonderful Jedi. (Hint: It's not me...) Disappointing as that is, I'd just like to borrow them to tell this story...

Thank yous: First off, this fic is from a story idea given to me by Antigone.  After reading my other babyfics, she wrote to ask if anyone had done a story with a plot like this... And although I wrote and told her I didn't recall such a story, I also told myself I had no intention of writing such a story.  However-as usual-my muse had different ideas.  Oy.  So here it is. : )

My gigantic thanks to Caly Rose and Robin for getting me night by night through all the hard parts-which is over half the story, I suspect-and to Emrin, Sheltie, and Mona for their beta and proof-reading work.  Thanks also to April, who shared some ideas with me one day as we were discussing babyfics.  I couldn't work them into my last fic, but some of her thoughts *did* manage to worm their way into this one.

Qui-Gon twisted his blade with an almost angry flourish, stabbing into the air.  The move was solidly blocked by Depa Billaba, who, with a kick and a flip, nearly disarmed him.  Grasping his weapon, determined not to let it end there, Qui-Gon spun around, catching his partner unaware.

Lightsaber at her chest, Depa lifted her free hand and her own blade in surrender.

"Well met, my friend," she told Qui-Gon,  powering down her 'saber as he powered down his.  "You have certainly not fallen out of practice."  She ran a hand over her flushed face as she attempted to catch her breath.

Qui-Gon's gaze faltered as her comment hit home.  He turned away, wiping his wet brow on the sleeve of his tunic to avoid a reply.

"Oh...I'm sorry..." Depa apologized immediately.  "Really, Qui-Gon, I'm sorry.  I should have thought before I..."

Qui-Gon held up his hand to stop her.  "It is not necessary to apologize," he told her.  "You have done nothing wrong.  It is I who should pay you an apology.  I have been rather...rough around the edges of late."  He smiled at her, to show her he was not upset.

"It is understandable," she said kindly.  "Anyone in your position would likely feel the same way."

He nodded.  "Yes," he said softly.  "It is hard not to think of Obi-Wan as a padawan anymore..."

"And harder still to know that your newly-knighted lifemate is on his first mission...alone..." Depa guessed.

There was a long silence as Qui-Gon searched the part of his mind that was reserved for his bonded.  The link was there, warm and alive, but the uncomfortable pull that signified their distance from each other was there as well.  "I should be there with him," he said fiercely.  "This mission is far too long and far too dangerous for anyone to be sent alone...let alone someone as new to the field as Obi-Wan."

"You have trained him well, Qui-Gon," Depa reassured him.  "He will hold his own on Tiburon."

Qui-Gon attached his 'saber to his belt and picked up his cloak from the floor.  "I only wish he was not forced to be out of communication!  Damn the Council for sending him undercover in the first place!"

Depa slipped into her cloak, trying to project an aura of calm.  "Your apprentice was trained by one of the best.  You.  With your skills, you could have successfully completed the mission, but you did not fit the description of the one who needed to go.  He did."  She tied her robe closed with quick, agile fingers.  "When his mission is complete, Obi-Wan will return to you."

Qui-Gon fervently hoped that it would be so.

"Masters!  Masters!"

A small girl with honey-colored hair tore into the practice room, nearly crashing into Depa and Qui-Gon as they made their way out.  Mace's padawan. Skidding on the shiny floor as she attempted to stop, the girl stood before them, out of breath.

"Pasha?" Depa asked in concern. "What is it?"

"Master...Windu..." the little girl panted.  "...sent me to fetch you. He says that it's...urgent. You must meet him...in the Council Chambers. Right now." Message delivered, the youngster put her hand up to where her small braid dripped water onto the shoulder of her tunic. "I...I ran from my lessons at the pool when he called to me," she said, apologizing for her less-than-perfect appearance.

"No apologies, Pasha," Qui-Gon told her even as he was striding towards the door. "You've delivered his message quite efficiently. I will convey that to him when I see him. Thank you."

The padawan blushed at the praise, then turned and sprinted back down the corridor, water droplets sprinkling the floor behind her.

"News of Obi-Wan?" Depa asked as she struggled to match Qui-Gon's giant strides.

Qui-Gon nodded.  "Yes, I believe so."

They made the rest of the trip in silence.

* * *

"Need one Jedi, we do, to retrieve Knight Kenobi from Tiburon," Master Yoda said without preamble.  "Finished there his mission is."

Qui-Gon's knees weakened in relief.  After fifteen weeks his padawan was to return to him!  His heart sang with joy.

"I offer myself for the mission, of course," Qui-Gon said quickly.

"Is there a reason Knight Kenobi cannot return to Coruscant the same way he left it?" Depa asked, interrupting Qui-Gon's offer.

Qui-Gon pulled up short.  Yes...why *was* it necessary from someone to retrieve his pada...Obi-Wan?  A shiver went through him as he considered the implications.

"Knight Kenobi has contacted us," Yareal Poof said, his head bobbing on his long neck.  "His message was short.   He has gathered the proof we need, but his ship was destroyed upon his arrival and he has no way to leave.  Tiburon is seventeen hours away on the fastest ship we have, and Knight Kenobi states that he can wait no longer than twenty hours before anyone gets suspicious."

Adrenaline surged through Qui-Gon, putting him on high alert.  "I am ready to leave now," he told the Council.

"Problem, there is with that," Yoda said, a sad look crossing his face.

"Problem?  What kind of problem?" Qui-Gon was quickly growing impatient, anxious to be on his way.

"Obi-Wan specifically requested that the Jedi sent to retrieve him not be you," Mace Windu said as carefully as he could.

"WHAT?"  Qui-Gon was stunned.

"Know why, we do not," Yoda said.  "But honor Knight Kenobi's request, we cannot.  You,  it must be.  Go now."

Qui-Gon's mind reeled as he bowed respectfully to the Council and hurried to the ship that would take him to Obi-Wan.  He knew nothing of Obi-Wan's mission, was disturbed that Obi-Wan did not want him involved for some reason.  But he would know more soon enough.

Boarding the ship, Qui-Gon spoke to the pilot about hastening to Tiburon and then spent the rest of the trip in his quarters thinking and meditating.

* * *

As the ship neared Tiburon, the bond Qui-Gon shared with his lifemate did not strengthen.  Qui-Gon had suspected it had been faint because of their distance, but it was not becoming stronger as he neared, and he feared something was terribly wrong.  Perhaps this was why Obi-Wan had not wanted him to come.  Perhaps something had happened which prevented Obi-Wan from using or accessing the bond and he did not want Qui-Gon to discover it.

*Foolish knight,* Qui-Gon thought to himself.  *You know there is nothing we keep from each other.  Putting off the inevitable solves nothing.  Whatever the trouble is, we will face it together.*

Closing his eyes, he concentrated only on what remained of his link to Obi-Wan, focussing on his exact location, so as to guide the pilot.  When the ship landed, Qui-Gon was down the ramp and striding purposefully into the Tiburonian night before the pilot could even signal him.

Following the bond's pull, Qui-Gon found himself standing before a line of weed-infested brush.  Yes, he could feel Obi-Wan here.  He was close.  Grabbing a handful of the prickly green overgrowth, Qui-Gon parted the living wall, gasping at what he discovered.

"Obi-Wan!"

Curled amongst the rotting bushes, wrapped inside his Jedi robes, lay Obi-Wan.  Clearly he had fallen asleep while awaiting rescue; exhaustion showed on his face, even in his slumber.  At the sound of Qui-Gon's shout, he awoke with a startled exclamation, hands coming up to defend himself.

"Easy, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, trying to reassure the pale, hollow-cheeked young man.  "I'm here to take you home."  Qui-Gon was appalled.  Obi-Wan looked as if he had not eaten or slept in a very long time.  "Easy," he soothed, when Obi-Wan lunged at him, showing no sign of dropping his guard.

A low sound came from the knight's throat.  "I *told* Master Yoda I didn't *want* you here!" he growled.  "Better to leave me on Tiburon than for you to see me like this!  Be gone!"

"No, Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon could not believe what he was hearing.  Was this the same new knight who had been so willing, so eager, to take up the reins of this mission?  What had *happened* to him out here?

"I'm sorry, my Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, although he was not entirely apologetic as he put the young man to sleep.  "We must get away from here," he said, although his words fell on deaf ears.  "When you are safe, we will worry about other things."  Kneeling down, he gently lifted Obi-Wan beneath the neck and knees, carrying him easily back to the ship and fastening him in for the return trip to Coruscant.

* * *

Obi-Wan came awake as violently on the ship as he had on the planet.  Sitting up, he levered himself as far back onto the bed as he was able, tucking his hands and feet quickly beneath his cloak again.  He did not look around, did not seem to notice Qui-Gon, who sat in a chair at his bedside.

He had not noticed it before in his hurry to bring Obi-Wan aboard, but now something on Obi-Wan's wrist caught Qui-Gon's attention.  Automatically, he reached out, wanting to see what it was.

"No!" came the vehement response.  Obi-Wan shrunk further into the corner, looking daggers at the Jedi Master.

"I was only..."

"Leave me alone!" Obi-Wan spat at him.  "I didn't ask you to come and I don't want you here!  I will talk to Master Yoda and *only* to Master Yoda."  He curled his body into an even smaller ball, if such were possible, and closed his eyes.  "Please tell the *pilot* to inform me when we've reached the Temple."

* * *

 Meditation eluded Qui-Gon.  His mind was far too full of his worry for Obi-Wan to allow him any peace.

*Sometimes things like this happen,* he told himself.  *Especially with Jedi who are new to the field.  My first mission without my master was not easy...for me or for Master Yoda.*

Qui-Gon knew that missions, especially difficult missions such as this one had been expected to be, had a tendency to overwhelm those unused to being on their own.  Shielding, negotiating, contact with an unfamiliar race, was harder on just one person.  No one to talk to when things got rough and no one to deflect the harsh realities and surprises many missions tended to bring.

*Yes,* he managed to convince himself, *Obi-Wan is likely over-tired and over-stressed.  Once he has had some sleep and some time to meditate and center himself, he will be fine.*

* * *

When Qui-Gon became aware of his surroundings again, the ship was no longer in motion.  Coruscant at last.  Standing and stretching, he replaced the meditation mat where he'd found it and blew out the candle he'd lit to give him focus.  Hurrying to the cabin across the way, he put his hand on the entry plate to signal Obi-Wan.  There was no answer and a mental probe provided him with the same fuzzy static he'd been channeling during Obi-Wan's absence.

"He's not here, Master Jinn," came the pilot's voice from down the corridor.  "Said to tell you he was making his report to the Council."  The pilot paused.  "Actually, he said *not* to tell you..." His cheeks burned with color at the admission.  "But I figured you'd be wanting to know anyway.  A person gets worried, ya know?"  His eyes begged for understanding.

Qui-Gon blinked at the obvious brush-off by his padawan.  It hurt.  A lot.  More than he'd thought it would.

"Yes, Marek, I know," Qui-Gon told the man.  "Thank you for your kindness."  With a nod he turned on his heel and headed for the exit...and the Council Chambers.

* * *

Standing outside the chambers, Qui-Gon found his nerve gone.  He had come here fully intending to burst into the meeting, demanding to know what in the hell was going on.  But now that he was here, he knew he wouldn't do it.  Obi-Wan's mission had been top secret, the details known only to the Council and himself.  Qui-Gon's intrusion would only get him reprimanded by the Council and put him into worse favor with his former padawan.  So Qui-Gon stood and waited.  And waited.

Five hours later, even Qui-Gon's enhanced Jedi control was beginning to give out.  His nerves were frayed, his muscles ached, and his mind had concocted one hundred eighty-one different scenarios for what could have happened on Tiburon, none of which he wanted to consider.  Qui-Gon knew that recounting fifteen weeks of information was not a ten minute task, but Obi-Wan was not well.  The other masters had to be aware of that.

Suddenly, with the pounding of feet down the corridor, Qui-Gon's worst fears were confirmed.  Healers Quintel and Horizon rushed past him, a floating med pallet between them.  They had no more than disappeared into Council Chambers when a friend of Qui-Gon's, a psychic healer named Lenar, flew around the corner, robes whipping about in cyclonic fashion.  At the sight of Qui-Gon, she stopped for a moment, giving him an understanding look and a quick squeeze on the arm before pushing the chamber doors open and going in.

Qui-Gon could hold himself back no longer.  Breathing unevenly, he drew as much of the Force around him as he could manage in his current state.   Throwing all of his physical and mental strength into his arms and upper body, he flung himself at the heavy wooden doors.  They were locked tight.  Gasping, he leaned against the doorway, attempting to recover from the jolt.  Locked?  Since when did the Council have need of locks?  Determined, he braced himself for another try.

As Qui-Gon took a shuddering breath, envisioning the locking mechanism on the door and concentrating on how to open it, the doors swung open of their own accord.  It was either step aside or be knocked there, and Qui-Gon felt large and out of place as he plastered himself against the wall, watching helplessly as a deathly still Obi-Wan was carried from the chambers and whisked away.  Following the pallet with his eyes for as long as it was within his sight, Qui-Gon felt as if his world were collapsing.

"Walk with me, my friend."  Mace Windu was suddenly at Qui-Gon's elbow, offering a steady hand as well as a steady presence, both of which Qui-Gon accepted gratefully.

To Qui-Gon's disappointment, they went not in the direction of the Healing Chambers, but out into the gardens.  Sitting on one of the stone benches, Mace patted the space beside him, motioning for Qui-Gon to sit down.

"Tell me what's going on," Qui-Gon pleaded as he sat at the edge of the bench.  "What has happened to Obi-Wan?"

"What I tell you I tell you only with permission from Yoda himself," Mace told Qui-Gon.  "Since Obi-Wan has no family..."

"I'm his *lifemate* for Sith sake!" Qui-Gon exploded.  "That *must* count for something!"

"As I was going to say..." Mace continued.  "As Obi-Wan's lifemate, Yoda has deemed it necessary for you to know the details and consequences of the mission."

"I should have been present when he was speaking with the Council!  Perhaps...whatever happened...wouldn't have happened if I'd been there to stand by him."  Qui-Gon's voice was a mixture of anger and grief.

Mace's expression softened.  "We need to talk, Qui-Gon.  The Council sometimes works in mysterious ways, but I'm afraid that this time what they didn't tell you *will* hurt you.  It very nearly killed Obi-Wan."  His voice dropped.  "He attempted to take his own life in Council Chambers this afternoon."

"Oh, gods..." All the color drained from Qui-Gon's face as he stared open-mouthed at the other master.  "Oh, gods..." he said again in shock.  "Is he..."

Mace lay a hand on Qui-Gon's knee in gentle reassurance.  "He is safe and being restrained,both physically and mentally,for the time being.  The healers will take good care of him."

There was a small sound of despair.  "Maybe you should start at the beginning..." Qui-Gon said weakly.

Mace rubbed a hand over his eyes, as if trying to clear his mind.  "Tiburon has long been suspected in dealing in slave-trading.  But no one has been able to gain information there and slaves suspected of having once been from there have no memory of it.  The Council believed that if a Jedi infiltrator went in, the Republic would have a much better chance at exposing the leaders of  Tiburon for what they are and for what they're doing."

"So the Council chose Obi-Wan to go undercover as a SLAVE?"  Qui-Gon was appalled.

"No," Mace said.  "Obi-Wan was sent in as a Jedi, on the premise of approving or disapproving the renewal of a twenty-year-old treaty Tiburon has with a neighboring planet.  The treaty was due for inspection, and the Council merely had multiple reasons for Obi-Wan's visit."

Qui-Gon's voice was rough with emotion.  "What went wrong?"

"Someone did some checking up on Obi-Wan's background."

"But he did *nothing* to hide the fact that he was Jedi," Qui-Gon insisted.  "What else would they find in his files that would be of interest to them?"

"His home planet," Mace said bluntly.

"His home...?  But why would they care?  Surely people of such power have more to keep them occupied than learning the history of one visiting Jedi."

"Qui-Gon...the people of Tiburon don't just deal in the selling of slaves..."  He looked into Qui-Gon's eyes, waiting for the painful connection he knew would be made with his next statement.  "They deal in the selling of newborns."

*Noooo!*  Qui-Gon's mind screamed.  *Not his Obi-Wan!  Oh, please, not that!*

Qui-Gon grabbed the front of Mace's robes with both hands, gritting his teeth to avoid shaking the man senseless.  "What did they DO to him?"

Keeping his control where Qui-Gon could not keep his, Mace breathed deeply, unconsciously willing Qui-Gon to do the same.  After several long moments he spoke.

"Three days after he arrived, they learned Obi-Wan was of a race whose males are able to bear children.  He was taken into custody and placed with the rest of the breeding males."

A choked sound from Qui-Gon was the only indication that he was still cognizant of the conversation.

Mace cursed his careless choice of words.  "I'm sorry, Qui-Gon.  That was Obi-Wan's own term for it.  It was thoughtless of me to repeat it."

"What did..."  Qui-Gon sounded numb.

"Obi-Wan is almost four months along, Qui-Gon..."  Mace's voice was deep with sympathy.  There was no easy way to say it and Qui-Gon deserved the truth.

"No..." Qui-Gon shook his head dazedly.  "No...I don't believe it.  I want to *see* him."

"You can't Qui-Gon, not now.  He's under watch by orders of the Council.  No one allowed in or out but the healers."

Qui-Gon shook his head as if trying to clear it.  The dizziness he felt worsened.  "I didn't know...I couldn't feel it.  Couldn't feel *him*..." he murmured.  "The bond...there was no warning...it was quiet.  He felt far away, but there was no urgency..."  He stopped, confused.

"*They* silenced the bond, Qui-Gon.  Obi-Wan has an intricate lattice of tattoos around both wrists and both ankles..."

Qui-Gon's head jerked up.  Yes.  He'd seen something on Obi-Wan's wrist the day he'd found him...but Obi-Wan had pulled away before he could tell what it was.

"...something injected under his skin and into his bloodstream to cut him off from the Force and permanently mark him as a child-bearing slave.  The drug apparently worked so that you would notice nothing.  The bond was manipulated so that its interruption would not be felt.  Obi-Wan was not even aware of the interference until many days after it had happened."

"Why would they care about the bond?" Qui-Gon demanded.  "They cut Obi-Wan off from everything else.  Held him captive...r-r-raped him..."  Qui-Gon pressed a hand to his forehead.  "Why bother to save a *bond*?"

"Among other things, kidnapping a Jedi is not a sound political move," Mace said.  "Destroying the bond-or attempting to-would have undoubtedly alerted you that something was amiss and the Temple would have stormed Tiburon to find Obi-Wan.  Finding a way to keep the bond intact on your end, at least for all appearances, roused no suspicion, which left them free to do as they pleased with Obi-Wan."

"And Obi-Wan...?" Qui-Gon asked without asking.

"He had no sense of the connection left.  He could not manipulate the Force, could not feel the living Force around him....could not use it to defend or heal himself."

"Helpless..." Qui-Gon said dully.

"Yes," Mace agreed.  "They...used...his body for nearly a week before one of their medical technicians examined him and found that he carried a child.  Then they used him for several days more before allowing the physician to speak to Obi-Wan about it."

"The bastards!" Qui-Gon seethed.  "They could have damaged the child...and Obi-Wan!  Is it...is he...?"

"Both are as healthy as can be expected...for the moment," Mace said.  "But the future is uncertain.  Qui-Gon..."

Mace's tone caught Qui-Gon's attention.  Immediately he met the other Jedi's eyes.

"Obi-Wan doesn't want this child.  It was forced upon him; he had no choice.  In Council Chambers he was almost emotionless in his explanation, but I could feel his despair.  Without the Force, he did not sense the child's conception, as he should have.  He could not feel it beginning to grow within him, could not form the mental connection Jedi children need so desperately.

"It is almost as if he is entirely separate from what is happening within him.  He does not feel it as a part of him...does not feel a need to protect it, nurture it..."

"But Obi-Wan loves children," Qui-Gon said in puzzlement.  "We have discussed having a child..." His voice dropped away.  "We decided we would wait until after his knighting..."  he whispered.  "But then he was sent to Tiburon..."

"Yoda, Koth, and Tiin managed to disrupt the Force-block that was virtually a part of Obi-Wan.  When they did..." Mace shuddered as Qui-Gon had never seen him do before.  "It was unlike anything I've ever witnessed, Qui-Gon.  First he was standing still, defenseless, complacent...and in the next breath he was moving like a Tatooine sandstorm.

"After months without access to the Force, the returning abilities and sensations must have seemed almost unbearable to him.  And the baby was the biggest shock, I think.  He'd been stopped before from feeling the life inside him...and suddenly for the first time since conception he heard the demands, felt the needs an unborn child projects."

Mace closed his eyes, remembering.  "He stood there, the Force swirling around him, and his mind just cried out for answers.  When none were forthcoming, he turned his abilities inward and began to solve the problems for himself.  He could not stand to live with what had happened...and so he chose not to live.  One by one, he began to shut down his bodily functions and when he stopped his heart, the child's heart stopped as well."

"Surely he cannot be held responsible for his actions!" Qui-Gon's heart beat in time to the pounding at his temples.

"Obi-Wan is being treated as any other trauma patient would be treated," Mace said gently.  "In the next hours and days he will be speaking to spiritual healers and grief counselors, as well as to physical healers.  He may never forget what has happened, but time and meditation will help him to accept it."

"And what of our bond together, Mace?  What of our life?  Has the Council considered *that*?"  Qui-Gon turned away from Mace, reminding himself to breathe.  "My place is at Obi-Wan's side," he said stonily.

"It is a miracle the use of the Force has returned to him as quickly as it has," Mace defended.  "A mind can only handle so much stimulant...a vulnerable one even less so," Mace said.  "An overload, such as one caused by the deep mental contact of a lifebond, could cause him harm at this stage...mental damage beyond repair."

Mace stood, offering Qui-Gon a hand up.  "Come.  You need to rest.  I daresay this has been almost as difficult on you as it has on Obi-Wan.  Allow the healers their council on this.  Obi-Wan is in good hands."

*But he's not in *my* hands,* Qui-Gon thought despairingly as  he allowed Mace to lead him back into the Temple, not to his lifemate, but to his quarters.

* * *
He had visited here every night for the past eight nights, watching Obi-Wan as he slept.  But the healers had insisted there be no contact between them while the knight was awake, and Qui-Gon had been forbidden to access their bond.

Now, at last, he was getting the chance he'd been begging for, and Qui-Gon could barely speak around the tightness in his chest and the lump in his throat.

"Obi-Wan..."

The young knight's eyes slowly looked him up and down.  "Master."

The inflection clearly indicated a formal title, rather than the familiar name of a teacher.  Qui-Gon's blood ran cold.

"How are you feeling?" Qui-Gon asked, feeling awkward and ill-prepared for the meeting when he had been so sure of himself only minutes ago.  From beneath the covers he could not see Obi-Wan's form clearly, but the rise of the blankets just beneath his chest was enough to pull and hold Qui-Gon's gaze.

Obi-Wan's pale face held no expression.  "I believe the healers are pleased with the progress I have made."  He shrugged.  "I am no longer under constant guard and supervision, so they must feel fairly sure that I am not a threat to myself ...or others."

*Don't speak that way!* Qui-Gon wanted to shout.  But after what Mace had described to him of the incident in Council Chambers, he held the thought in check.

"Is that why you're here?" Obi-Wan asked.

"What?" Qui-Gon asked at the non-sequitor.

"To baby-sit for me..." Obi-Wan asked.  "Is that why they've sent you here?"

"No one has sent me here, Obi-Wan.   My intentions are my own.  I wanted to see you...to be sure you..."

"Why now?" Obi-Wan demanded.  "Why not two days ago...five days ago?  I've been in here for over a week and *now* you come looking for me?"

"The healers thought it best if you had some time to..."

"Qui-Gon Jinn, the great Jedi master, could not mind-trick a few healers to see things his way?" Obi-Wan interrupted.

Qui-Gon mentally sighed.  This arguing was getting them nowhere.  "I respected the healers' wishes Obi-Wan," he said, putting as much Force-calm behind the words as he could.  "But it *has* been a long time, and I was concerned..."

"Don't be," Obi-Wan shot back.  "I've had enough sympathy these past days to last me a lifetime."

"Is there anything I can get for you?" Qui-Gon asked in what he hoped was a neutral voice.

"You can get me out of here."

"Obi-Wan, I can't..." Qui-Gon began.  He had no power here, whether Obi-Wan wanted to believe it or not.

"You're just like the rest of them," Obi-Wan accused.  "Keeping me locked up...as if I were still on the planet.  I was treated *better* on Tiburon...all that's missing here is the raping and I'm sure that could somehow be arranged."

Qui-Gon felt as though he'd been kicked in the stomach.  Bile rose in his throat and it was only by sheer willpower that he forced it down.  Unconsciously, he grasped the back of the chair beside him, leaning over slightly, trying to force the air back into his lungs.

Unrestrained anger poured through Qui-Gon.  He was in turns furious at Obi-Wan, at the Council, and at the authorities on Tiburon who had allowed this to happen.   They had taken all that was good and kind and gentle in Obi-Wan and turned it inside out.  Gone was the warm, loving soul he was bonded to and left was a man ruled by bitter, tortured thoughts.

Qui-Gon crossed the room to the door, took a step outside it.  "Quin!" he bellowed, sending several apprentice healers scattering.  Almost at once, one of them returned, Healer Quintel coming at a run behind her.

"Qui-Gon?"  he asked.  Expecting a problem with Obi-Wan, he tried to get past the large Jedi, to no avail.  Qui-Gon blocked his way.  "Qui-Gon, what is going on?" he demanded.

Qui-Gon stared the man down, questioning his own sanity as he did so.

"Is there a reason Knight Kenobi has not been released to his quarters?" he asked.

The healer regarded Qui-Gon as if he had suddenly sprouted wings.  "You are well aware, *Master Jinn*, of the reasons behind Knight Kenobi's stay here," he returned, as formal as Qui-Gon had been.

"He has been here for over a week, Quin," Qui-Gon said, dropping his defenses slightly.  "What more could you possibly do to him or talk to him about that you haven't already?"

The healer gave a humorless laugh.  "I wasn't aware you had training as a *healer*, *Master* Jinn.  And apparently you were either asleep or missing the day they discussed bedside manner and doctor-patient confidentiality."

The tone brooked no argument...but Qui-Gon was far from finished.

"Keeping him cooped up here is doing him more harm than good."

"Harm?"  The healer's voice rose.  "Harm is what almost came to him eight days ago in Council Chambers.  Harm is what would have come to the child if Knight Kenobi had been successful in his endeavors.  Don't lecture me on harm until you've seen its effects first-hand."

"That was eight days ago," Qui-Gon pressed.  "Has he shown any attempt to cause further *harm* since then?"

"Qui-Gon..." The healer's tone held a warning.

"He has been counseled by healers of every sort, has no doubt discussed and rediscussed the mission, his capture, and the use of his body by those who did not have permission to use it."

Chest heaving, Qui-Gon stopped to center himself and catch his breath.  "Every minute he spends in here is another minute spent dwelling on the past.  Specifically on a very traumatic experience which has, literally, changed his life.  Right now, Obi-Wan can most benefit from..."

Qui-Gon was given no chance to finish his sentence.  "Qui-Gon.  Let me put it to you this way:  This. is. not. your. concern."  The healer's face was stony.

Inwardly, Qui-Gon seethed.  "Oh, but it is," he said, his jaw tightening.  "Obi-Wan is my lifemate.  If you check the statutes, you will see..."

"Obi-Wan is not your property," the healer said tersely.

"No," Qui-Gon said.  "He is the other half of my soul.  And if he is feeling even half of what I'm feeling, it is assuredly difficult for him.  Much of the frustration and anger you undoubtedly sense in him is due to him being outside of our bond.

"Whether you know it or not, the forced separation of bonded pairs can cause stress, paranoia...even insanity.  Does that sound like anything you've come across recently?"

The healer shifted from one foot to the other.  "There are many things which have factored in to our decision to keep Knight Kenobi here, where he can be monitored and looked after.  Not the least of which is..."

Qui-Gon put his career on the line.  "You will allow me to take my apprentice back to our quarters," he said, using a slight movement of his hand and all his powers of persuasion.  "You can monitor him from there and I will take full responsibility for him."

The healer looked dazed, shook his head, but still he met Qui-Gon's eyes.  "I will allow you to take your apprentice back to your quarters," he said.  "I can monitor him from there.  But you will need to take full responsibility for him."

Qui-Gon smiled.  "I will.  Thank you."

The look of confusion remained.  "Yes, well...I must inform the other healers of...my...decision."  Without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving Qui-Gon standing outside his lifemate's room, unsure whether he had just helped Obi-Wan...or hurt him.

* * *

"I can't believe you just did that," Obi-Wan said as Qui-Gon walked back into his sick room.  His voice held an awe that was both endearing and frightening.  At twenty-eight, Obi-Wan was still so very young.

"What is done is done," Qui-Gon replied.  "Now, we had best get you out of here, before Healer Quintel changes his mind."

For the first time since he'd been come back, Qui-Gon saw Obi-Wan smile.

Slowly, painfully, Obi-Wan swung his bare feet over the side of the bed.  As the bedding fell away, Qui-Gon was struck almost breathless.  The swell of the young knight's belly, visible now under the loose overshirt and sleep pants he wore, made him more beautiful than ever.

Qui-Gon longed to take the young man into his arms and kiss him senseless, but instead he went to his side, offering him a hand up.  After a moment, Obi-Wan accepted, leaning heavily on Qui-Gon as he stood and planted his feet on the floor, swaying precariously.

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan apologized.  "It's...been a while..."

"Take your time," Qui-Gon told him.  "There is no hurry."

"What about Healer Quintel?" Obi-Wan asked as he accepted Qui-Gon's arm and begin to walk beside him.

Qui-Gon grimaced.  "What about him, indeed..." he said.  "It would probably be to our advantage to make ourselves scarce before he returns."

Step by step, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan silently made their way back to their shared quarters.

* * *

Obi-Wan was breathless by the time they arrived at their quarters.  Qui-Gon had supported nearly all his weight the last two-thirds of the journey and it was only by sheer stubbornness that he continued to move his legs.  Once inside, Obi-Wan managed to make it to the sofa under his own power, falling heavily onto the thick cushions.  Head back and eyes closed, he put one hand over his stomach as he gasped for breath.

"Obi-Wan?"  Qui-Gon didn't want to hover, but Obi-Wan's condition concerned him.  He'd been sure that removing Obi-Wan from the healing chambers had been the right thing to do, but now...  Qui-Gon sighed.  He would watch and wait and listen to the Force.  He would do nothing to put Obi-Wan's life or the child's life in jeopardy.

"I'm...fine..." Obi-Wan said, his eyes still closed.  "Just a bit...winded.  Long...walk."

Qui-Gon laughed, remembering.  "Yes," he agreed.  "The healers always said they would know if I was well and ready to be released from the infirmary if I could make it all the way back to my quarters without collapsing."

Again, Qui-Gon saw a glint of the smile he so loved.

"Then I guess I'm well enough, right?"

"We shall see," Qui-Gon said, only half in jest.  "Would you like some tea?"

Obi-Wan sighed deeply, opening his eyes.  "I don't think I have the energy right now to even hold a cup steady," he admitted.  "I would like to rest here, perhaps sleep a bit."  His eye lids wavered at the thought.

Qui-Gon gave him a worried look.

"I feel good," Obi-Wan assured Qui-Gon.  "It's a relief to be away from the watchful eyes of the healers.  I couldn't take it anymore, all of them staring at me, watching me like I was an odd mutation of something they'd never encountered before."

The words tore at Qui-Gon's heart.  The circumstances were unusual, but to make Obi-Wan feel out of place after all he'd been through was inhumane.  And what hurt Qui-Gon even more was the knowledge that he had somehow been a part of it.

Obi-Wan yawned.

"Sleep," Qui-Gon told him.  "This has taken a lot out of you.  When you wake I will fix us a light meal."

"Thank you," Obi-Wan said softly, already drifting off.

"Don't thank me until you've lived through it," Qui-Gon teased.  "You couldn't have forgotten my reputation for cooking already."

The sleepy face broke into a grin.  "You know what I mean," Obi-Wan murmured.

"Yes," Qui-Gon admitted.  "I do.  And I am sorry for not having come to you sooner.  For not insisting we be allowed to be together. I...we...have needed this."

He looked at Obi-Wan, breathing deeply, face slackening as sleep took him.  Qui-Gon's voice dropped.  "And I am sorry for all you have been through.  I swear to you, with all that I am, that it will never happen again."

Obi-Wan did not appear to have heard, but the small noise of discomfort he made, the troubled frown that creased his brow, did not escape Qui-Gon's notice.  Qui-Gon pulled the covering from the back of the couch, laying it carefully over the sleeping knight.  Then, kneeling, he gently placed a hand over the rise of Obi-Wan's abdomen.

/And I am sorry for what you have been through, as well, small one,/ he thought.  /Whatever happens, I will love you always.  Be assured of that./  He softly patted the spot where the baby lay.  /Rest well my kelan-tai, my unexpected gift./

* * *

Qui-Gon left the sleeping arrangements up to Obi-Wan, who conveyed his wishes to sleep alone for the time being.  So the bedroom which had been Obi-Wan's as a young padawan, left empty since they'd become lovers and lifemates, became occupied once more.

In the days that followed, the bond between them was reopened and rewoven by Qui-Gon, but Obi-Wan's use of it remained limited-by his own choice.  He could hear Qui-Gon through it, but would not use it to communicate with or to draw much-needed strength and serenity from.  And, much to Qui-Gon's dismay, Obi-Wan would not discuss the baby.   No matter how obscurely or gently Qui-Gon brought the subject up, it had either been ignored or met with sudden, severe tension build-up and denial.

It would take time, Qui-Gon knew.  Just having his Obi-Wan back in his quarters, in his mind, was victory enough for now.   He wanted more-so much more-but Obi-Wan had to be allowed to move things along at his own pace.  When the wounds of Obi-Wan's broken soul healed, then he would come to Qui-Gon as he had six years before.  Meditating each day on love and patience, Qui-Gon waited.

* * *

"I'm coming with you!"  Almost five months along, belly distended to make room for the unborn infant, Obi-Wan stood half-asleep at the bathroom door, blinking owlishly.  Clad only in a sleep shirt, he painted a picture that Qui-Gon wanted to keep in his mind for a very long time.

Stepping from the shower, Qui-Gon wrapped a towel about his waist, extremely aware of the fact that he was naked and Obi-Wan was less than two meters away.  His body rebelled when he ignored the signals it was sending, but it was not yet time for physical contact between them.  Obi-Wan was not yet ready.

"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon said, as the knight followed him into the bedroom and watched as he got dressed.

The healers had been more than a little upset at Quintel's 'dismissal' of Obi-Wan from the infirmary last month.  The Council had questioned the unusual move as well, although no one but Mace had had the nerve to suggest that Qui-Gon may have used less than orthodox means to gain Obi-Wan's release.  And that theory Mace had kept between the two of them over dinner one evening.

"I have to go back out into the field sometime, don't I?" Obi-Wan asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning on one hand to give ease to his back.  "Why not now?  With  you?  Can you think of a better, safer way?"

*I can think of a better, safer time for you to go,* Qui-Gon thought to himself.  *After the baby's birth leaps to mind.*

"Setting my own feelings aside, Obi-Wan," he said aloud.  "I am inclined to think of the Council and your healers.  They will never agree to this."

"Do you *know* that for a fact, or are you simply *hoping* they won't agree?" Obi-Wan challenged.

Qui-Gon felt himself being pushed into the same sort of conflict Obi-Wan seemed to churn up so often lately.

"Obi-Wan, please.  This mission is going to be short and unimportant.  I will be gone and back before you know it."

"Even more of a reason I should come with you," Obi-Wan pushed.  "You know the healers have pronounced me to be in good health...and the Council would be facing accusations of discrimination if word got out that they denied a knight a mission due to...to..."

Obi-Wan had never actually said the word, and Qui-Gon knew he would not say it now.

"The Council's reasons are its own, whether or not we agree with them.  We must trust their judgement and trust that the Force will guide them to make wise decisions."

Dressed, he sat next to Obi-Wan, pulling on his socks and boots.  Immediately, Obi-Wan levered himself up off the bed.

"If you will not assist me in this, then I will speak to the Council myself.  I'll go all the way up to Master Yoda if I have to, but someone *will* see things my way."

Slowly, he crossed the room and shrugged into his robe, seemingly unaware that he wore only his sleep clothes beneath.  "When you board the transport, tell the pilot to stand by to receive another passenger.  I *will* be joining you shortly."

Tucking his arms into his sleeves, Obi-Wan rested them on his distended stomach and marched out of the room, leaving Qui-Gon to stare at the closed door.

* * *

When Obi-Wan actually showed up at the ship, duffel in hand and breathless, Qui-Gon put through several communications to confirm that permission had indeed been given.  He received a smirk from Master Yoda, a shake of the head and a small smile from Mace, and an ironic "You will take full responsibility for him," from Healer Quintel.

When Obi-Wan agreed, without making a scene, to lie down and rest as they began their journey, Qui-Gon could not stop the cold feeling that swept through him.  Force, let this mission be over and done with as quickly as he had told Obi-Wan it would.  Haunted by the memories of the last several months, Qui-Gon knew he would find no peace or rest until he had Obi-Wan safely back on Coruscant.

* * *

Almost as revered as the gods on Arbola Prime, was Obi-Wan.  Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had been cautious at first, covering Obi-Wan as much as possible when they went out among the people, to avoid any unnecessary breeches in religious or social etiquette.  But it had taken only one servant, seeing Obi-Wan without his robes on, to spread word of the young knight's condition, and suddenly Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan found themselves surrounded by throngs of citizens, eager to witness the miracle.

It had happened three times in Arbola's recorded history-three times males had brought forth offspring.  And although Obi-Wan was not of Arbola, he was bowed to and worshipped just the same.

The Jedi's mission, to participate in the planet's celebration of two hundred years as a society free of slavery, became less and less the focus of their visit.  Arbola's people, enthralled by what they saw as a message from their gods, poured all their time and attention into making Obi-Wan feel welcome and cherished.

As the praises and gifts were heaped upon the confused knight, Qui-Gon sensed his growing discomfort.  Obi-Wan had been living for so long in a world where the child did not exist so long as he chose not to acknowledge it; being forced to face reality, all at once, was a shock.

* * *

Qui-Gon gave a gracious, parting bow and closed the balcony doors to their suite, leaving more than a dozen visitors still standing below with offerings of food and prayer.  Drawing the blinds across the tall windows, he ordered the lights up as the room darkened, devoid of the early evening's sunset.  A small sound caught his attention.

Turning, he found Obi-Wan slumped in a chair, arms draped over the sides, looking utterly lost.  Qui-Gon felt his exhaustion, but reclining that way, large belly extended, legs flung to either side, back arched, could not have been comfortable in the least.

"Obi-Wan?"  Qui-Gon knelt at the young knight's side, his concern evident in his voice.

"Why, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, his green eyes pleading for answers.  Hurt and bewilderment laced Obi-Wan's words.

What did he wish to know, Qui-Gon wondered.  Was he asking why the people of Arbola Prime flocked to his side and knelt at his feet?  Did he wonder how a young Jedi knight like himself could be placed on such a pedestal, bowed to and worshipped like a god?  Or were the events of Tiburon finally sinking in, causing him to at last question why such a thing had happened?

Qui-Gon reached up, touching the soft, silken hair that hung past Obi-Wan's shoulders.  When the man let out a sigh, the first time he'd dropped his guard in days, Qui-Gon allowed his fingers to slowly caress a tan cheek, stubborn chin.

"I don't know, Obi-Wan," he said honestly, to whatever question Obi-Wan was asking.  "Allow the Force to guide your thoughts and your heart, as you have been taught, and you may find the answers you seek."

It was of little comfort, he knew, but it was all Qui-Gon had to give his lover.  He could not begin to guess what lay in Obi-Wan's mind, nor could he answer the knight's questions for him.

Absently, Obi-Wan rubbed his hands in circles on his belly, something which Qui-Gon had never seen him do.  The people of Arbola Prime had affected him more deeply than he knew.

When he realized what he was doing, Obi-Wan's hands stilled and he took a shaky breath.  "I have difficulty believing in a power which would allow this..." he looked down at his stomach with revulsion.  "...to happen.  On Tiburon, I meditated and prayed even though I couldn't feel the Force.  I tried to tell myself it was there, somewhere, and would return to me once I had been punished enough, had sacrificed enough...but it never did."

Qui-Gon listened to the barely-checked anger, the pain-filled words, and his heart pounded in his chest.  This was the first Obi-Wan had spoken to him of Tiburon and as difficult as it was to hear, Qui-Gon knew it was even more difficult for Obi-Wan to finally put his experience into words.  For Qui-Gon would always have the memory of Obi-Wan as he'd found him that day on Tiburon, but Obi-Wan would always have the memory of Tiburon.

"There have been times in my life," Qui-Gon said quietly.  "When I believed the Force had abandoned me.  Times when I called out, cried out, for answers and received none.  But the answers did come eventually.  Sometimes not until years later, but they came."

Obi-Wan's eyes looked haunted.  "Years..." he echoed in dismay.

Gathering his cloak about him, Qui-Gon stood up.  He looked at Obi-Wan, who seemed not to notice, his focus turned inward.  After a moment, he laid a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

"Come to bed?" Qui-Gon asked.  "You need to rest.  Please," he added, when Obi-Wan showed no sign of moving.  He reached down, hand near Obi-Wan's, until the other man grasped his wrist tightly.

Folded into the chair as he was, standing up was no easy task for Obi-Wan.  But awkwardly he made it to his feet, allowing himself to be led into the bedroom.

Just as he'd done since Tiburon, Obi-Wan rejected Qui-Gon's offer to help him undress and insisted he was able to get ready for bed by himself.  Qui-Gon had seen the wrist and ankle tattoos only by chance since Tiburon and had yet to see Obi-Wan's newly-sculpted body unclothed, although he'd dreamed of it many times and it had been beautiful.

Without a word, Obi-Wan slipped into a sleep shirt and slid into bed-his own bed, set up across the room from Qui-Gon's.  The Arbolans had wanted to remove the extra bed when they'd discovered the nature of Obi-Wan's condition, but Qui-Gon had convinced them to leave it.

As he did every night, Qui-Gon wove a Force-blanket around his troubled lifemate, hoping, at least for a few hours, to protect him from the terrors which threatened to take over the young man's dreams.  Then, tired and heartsick, Qui-Gon allowed himself to fall into a troubled sleep.

Go on to part two of Out of the Ashes