Note: Special thanks to China Rose who not only
enthusiastically beta'd this, but also fed my writer's ego with
much appreciated kind feedback. =)
Summary: We all want Obi and Qui to stay together, but what
happens as the years go by and their age difference becomes
more pronounced? Twenty-five years down the line, Obi is 49 and
Qui is about to turn 80. Hmm. How's the sex boys?
Qui-Gon is seventy-nine. He retired from active duty five years
ago and almost at once joined the staff of senior masters who
tend the gardens and teach in the Academy. He seems content in
this new role. For years he had bemoaned the fact that he
didn't have time for gardening, and wished his schedule allowed
for classroom teaching. I am happy for this accomplishment. For
Qui having lived long enough to enjoy his favorite past times.
Our dream of remaining a team after we bonded faded quickly
with the realities of duty. Knights are too few to send on
missions together, and we both had padawans to train. So, Qui
and I went our separate ways and when the planets aligned just
right, we were able to rendezvous for a passionate night of
lovemaking and renewal. More than once I threatened to leave
the Order to be with my beloved, but he always talked me out of
it, saying that one day we would have our time together.
I thought that time had finally come. My second padawan was
knighted a week ago, but since I have been home, Qui-Gon has
continued with his usual schedule meditation, katas, gardening,
and teaching. We have spent much less time together than on
past visits. When I ask him about this he says he can't hear me
and reminds me to speak into his "good" ear. When I ask him to
join me for a sparring session he tells me his bones ache from
years of service to the Jedi. And when he looks at me now, all
he sees is me in my prime. I am forty-nine.
"You're younger than I was when we first became lovers," he
tells me.
"What does that have to do with anything?" I ask.
"You deserve a more fulfilling sex life."
I shake my head and walk out of the room. We've had this
conversation all too often recently. No matter how many times I
tell him how much I love him and how beautiful he is to me, he
no longer seems to believe. And he is beautiful in his aging.
Each year he becomes more handsome, more serene as the years
add wisdom, not decay. The brown is all but gone from his long
hair and beard, but how I adore the silver that has replaced
it. It speaks to me of experience, mastery of the Force, and
all the years I have been honored to be at his side.
Twenty-five as his bondmate, and eleven before that as his
apprentice.
And then tonight we make love. Actual, real, fuck me kind of
love. It's been months... no, longer. I thought I was handling
our lack of intimacy. I told myself I didn't mind, that Qui-Gon
is everything to me and more. I've been away from the Temple so
much that my missions and my padawans have kept my mind off the
lack of sex. And then tonight happened. Qui took me on a tour
of the gardens and showed me the many improvements he's made.
We strolled leisurely and I listened to his explanation of
hydroponics and grafting techniques. It was pure joy to be with
him, to see him happy in his gardens, to feel love and warmth
sing along our bond. That's when we re-connected. I think he
felt important again. Not only to me, but also to the Jedi. He
knows how very important these gardens are to the Order. They
are the anchor to which every Jedi returns.
I let him guide our evening. First the walk, then a quiet
dinner, and then a roll in the hay. As he stripped out of his
tunics I swallowed and clamped down on my wild arousal. He is
still an amazing specimen of a man despite his age. His body
has retained much of its youthful musculature probably due to
his Jedi training; and the crows feet, worn hands, and gray
hair make little difference to me. I love everything about him.
I especially love his hair. I love the way its silvery strands
catch the blue evening light and make him look all at once
peaceful and mythical. And I love that he keeps it long and
wears it as he has for many years; sometimes pulling it back
into a ponytail. I've grown my hair out as well. I don't keep
it as long as Qui's, but that's because I don't think it's as
striking a look on me as on him. Though he seems to like my
hair long, he never liked me in a beard. The few times I grew
one, it was always while I was away on a mission.
We stood for a long moment admiring each other's nakedness in
the artificial light of the Coruscant night. For years we've
made love with the curtains open... a bit exhibitionist I
suppose, but then the Coruscant traffic flies by so fast and at
such altitudes that no one would get more than a blurry image
of our entwined bodies on the bed in the center of the room.
But it has been a long time since anyone could hope for a show
from us.
His erection is impressive, but then it always was. He's a
large man. Beautifully proportioned. And he wanted me very
badly tonight. I was just as eager for his touch and we came
together, standing in the middle of our bedroom, naked,
kissing, and arms entwined. As his tongue found its way into my
mouth I tried to remember how many times we'd made love over
the years. Many, many times... hundreds... thousands of times.
I never grow tired of it. Of him. I am always eager for the
touch of his mind... the touch of his body. Always burning for
him.
We fell onto the bed. Flesh to flesh. Rolling. Tangled in the
sheets. I was prepared for whatever he was willing to give me.
I was prepared to stop at any time... though my considerable
erection pleaded for more. I needed my Qui-Gon. I needed
something more tonight than kisses and caresses. I needed to be
fucked by the only man I have ever truly loved. And his
erection exclaimed that he was just as willing as I was.
I stretched over his body. Letting my weight press our flesh
more eagerly together. Then I slithered down him. Licking and
nipping as I went. One erect nipple. Then two. A wet path down
his abdomen to his navel. A dip inside. Hands massaging his
hips, his flank, his thighs.
// Love you, love you, love you.// I chanted throughout my
sensual journey.
At last I had reached my prize. Qui-Gon's proud, crimson
erection. Waiting for me. Only me. I laved the pre-cum at the
tip and then sucked the head of his cock into my mouth. He
gasped loudly, shaking, and his hands grabbed my hair. One,
two, three swirls of my tongue around the head, and then I took
him completely to the base of his shaft.
He arched off the bed screaming my name through our bond and
into the night air. "Obi-Wan. My love."
His stamina wasn't what it once was, so I didn't let him climax
then. No, I wanted him inside me for that. I pulled my mouth
off slowly, letting the cool air gradually engulf his erection.
And then I straddled him.
"Please, Qui. I want you." For added measure I pleaded with my
eyes, but it was unnecessary. He had been waiting for this
night as long as I had been.
"Yes, love. Let me give you pleasure," he told me, as if in
apology for all the times we had just cuddled.
I adjusted myself onto my knees, reached for the oil, slathered
a portion on his cock, and without any preparation impaled
myself on him.
"Yes!" I cried out, in pain and pleasure, and let his thick
arousal slowly make its way inside me. I needed to take him
this way. Feel him intensely. Let the pain heighten my
pleasure. My body shook from the sensation. I withdrew and fell
onto his cock time and time again. Moaning, arching with each
thrust deeper inside me.
"Force, I've missed you," I told him.
The sex was as great as I ever remember it being. We climaxed
together. Thrusting hard against each other. Shouting
endearments and our undying love.
And now, an hour later, after we've come down from our high,
and are waking from our post sex nap, the argument begins.
"You really enjoyed that, Obi-Wan."
"Oh, yes, Qui. Always enjoy you."
I am snuggled in his arms. My face nuzzling his neck. My
fingers entwined in the hair on his chest.
"You deserve a lover who can meet your needs," He says.
"You are that lover. You meet all my needs and more." I look up
into his eyes.
"No, Obi-Wan. You know as well as I how long it's been since
we... had intercourse."
I swallow. It's been exactly eleven months and three days. But
who's counting?
He is right, though. The fact that we haven't been intimate in
that way was due to more than my being away from Coruscant
finishing the training of my second padawan. But I am not
willing to let Qui-Gon feel any remorse.
"There's more to sex than just intercourse," I quip.
"You're still a young man. You need more than the occasional
cock sucking or the even less occasional fuck." Qui-Gon sits
up, essentially pushing me out of our embrace.
I sit up then, too. He has his back to me. His legs hanging off
the edge of the bed.
"Our relationship is about more than just sex," I tell him
firmly, hurt that he would think otherwise.
"Is it, Obi-Wan?" he asks, looking over his shoulder at me.
"Of course it is! How can you not know that?"
He doesn't answer, but I know exactly what he is thinking. Sex
has always been a large part of our life together. Our bond has
been blessed with an unending desire for each other. It's how
we express our love. And over the years much of our time alone
has been spent in bed... or in the shower... or on the couch...
It is understandable, now that Qui-Gon's libido is finally
slowing down, that he would feel inadequate.
"I love you, Qui-Gon. I'm happy just being with you." That was
at once true and not true. After that passionate lovemaking my
sex drive is in full gear again and I am already wondering when
the next time will be.
He shakes his head and stands. "Tonight was wonderful, but it
was also very exhausting for me. I can't keep up with you
anymore, Obi-Wan. I'm tired... I'm old," He says and walks out
of the room.
"You want me to do what?!" I exclaim over breakfast.
"I want you to take a lover," He says very calmly as he spoons
more jam onto his bread.
"That's absurd. You're my lover. Why would I want anyone else?"
"Because I can't be your lover anymore, Obi-Wan. As I told you
last night I'm too old."
I shake my head. "This is crazy. We're bonded. If you don't
want to make love then we'll do something else."
He gives me his all too familiar crooked smile. "I appreciate
your devotion, but I know you desire more."
I roll my eyes and get up from the table. "We're not having
this conversation. I'm going to the training hall to exercise."
We meet for lunch in the dining hall. I'm pleased to see him as
always, but he still has that funny look on his face like he's
determined to get his way. Before I join him at the table he's
sharing with Masters Yoda and Crinshaw, I stop to say hello to
Knight Skywalker.
"Ani, it's good to see you. Will you be at the Temple long?"
"I'm hoping to return to Naboo in the next week. Amidala and I
are expecting our third child," he grins brightly.
I congratulate him on his growing family, but at the same time
I am sad. He is often away from his wife and children. The life
of a Jedi is not easy. I am all to aware of this through my
bond with Qui-Gon. When we came together all those years ago, I
naively thought I'd never spend another night alone. Instead, I
think I've spent more nights on my own than in his arms.
Just as I'm about to withdraw an agemate of Anakin's joins him
at the table.
"Obi-W... Master Kenobi this is Knight Tiomkin," Ani
introduces.
"Nice to meet you Knight."
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Master Kenobi. I've heard
so much about you... from Anakin of course."
I raise an eyebrow and resist the urge to ask what exactly
Qui-Gon's former padawan had been saying about me.
I turn my attention back to Anakin. "Let's have dinner before
you return to Naboo."
"Thank you, Obi-W... Master," he grins.
I appreciate his efforts at formality in public. I know it's
difficult for him, because to him I'm just Obi-Wan, his
master's lover and bondmate. Next to Qui-Gon and Yoda he
probably knows me better than any other Jedi.
I finally go through line, get my dinner, and join Qui-Gon and
the others. I pull my chair close to him letting our thighs
touch lightly; memories of last night weaving through our bond.
"They're expecting again," I begin.
"Third child. Very good for the Jedi," Yoda adds.
"He's turned out to be a fine knight, Qui-Gon," Master Crinshaw
says. "And I understand a good husband and father. Quite an
accomplishment for a Jedi Knight." She smiles broadly.
I cringe a little at her statement. Though true, it hurts
Qui-Gon and me. It seems somewhere along the way we didn't find
enough time for each other. Maybe it would have helped had one
of us not been a Jedi. Unlike Anakin and Amidala, we did not
have the luxury of one of us being grounded and waiting for the
other's return.
"I see you met Knight Tiomkin," Qui-Gon interjects.
"Yes. Just now. I don't remember seeing him among Ani's friends
before."
"They just met a few months ago. Fast friends. And guessing by
the look on the Knight's face when he met you, you'll be fast
friends, too."
I pull back and look into his incredible blue eyes. "What are
you implying?"
"Just that he seemed a little smitten by you."
I blink and look at Master Yoda and Crinshaw whose eyes are
darting between us. "I think that Ani has been telling him
about us." I say, hoping to get this conversation under
control.
"Of course," Qui-Gon grins and turns his attention back to his
meal.
I reach out along our bond to check his feelings, but I only
sense mild amusement. It puzzles me and I decide to send him my
feelings of love and devotion. He looks sideways at me and
gives a slight nod. I grin and the incident is forgotten.
The next evening Qui-Gon's arranged for us to have dinner
outside the Temple with Anakin. We take an air taxi to one of
our favorite restaurants "The Ambassador." Its quiet atmosphere
and good food always makes for a pleasant night out.
When we arrive, Anakin is waiting. He's brought his friend
Knight Tiomkin, and I give Qui-Gon a hard look.
// You're idea?// I send.
He shrugs and then walks ahead of me. I know damn well he asked
Anakin to bring this friend. And then, to make matters worse,
we are seated in a booth and Qui-Gon manoeuvres it so that he
and Anakin are seated on one side, and me and Knight Tiomkin on
the other. I'll be forced to entertain the knight while Qui and
Ani catch up.
"So, who was your master, Knight Tiomkin?"
"Please... call me L'Nar."
"All right. L'Nar." Of course, I don't offer for him to call me
Obi-Wan. We've only just met, and well, it just isn't done
between masters and knights.
"My master was Master C'Wind. She is training her fourth
padawan now."
I nod. "I've trained two myself. There's nothing quite like the
experience."
"Do you expect to take another?"
I take a deep breath and consider for a moment. "In time. But
right now I want to spend some much needed time with my
bondmate." I look at Qui-Gon and admire his strong features. He
is engrossed in his conversation with Anakin, but as always he
is half listening to me.
"You've been together a long time," the knight adds.
"So it would seem," I say sounding a bit melancholy. "Tell me.
Where is your padawan?"
"I don't have a padawan... not yet anyway. I've been putting it
off."
"The Council can't be happy with that. How long have you been a
knight?"
"Nine years now. I'm the same age as Anakin thirty-four."
"You're definitely overdue."
"I know. I know," he smiles, and his amusement in my pestering
is quite pleasing.
I begin to let my agitation at this situation ease away. This
young man is pleasant company, and I'm minding less and less
that Qui-Gon has segregated us this way. At least Qui-Gon is
close by, and we will return to our quarters together later.
L'Nar Tiomkin is easy on the eye. I wouldn't call him
particularly handsome, but he does have a certain quality of
attractiveness about him. He has a long slender nose, which is
proportioned nicely to his slender face and body. His eyes are
light brown and very expressive and he has thick, long blond
hair which he wears pulled into a loose ponytail. I get the
impression from his slightly dishevelled appearance that he has
no one to look after him. He's a man much more concerned with
his duties than finding a mate. A good quality in a Jedi.
After dinner, it is still early, but Qui-Gon seems anxious to
call it a night. I hope this means he will want a repeat of
last night. When we return to our quarters and he retreats into
the shower, my hope surges. I don't join him. I want to be sure
this is what he wants, so when he comes back into the common
room, still damp and wearing only his bathrobe, I let my
arousal take over.
He sits on the couch next to me and begins combing his wet
hair.
"May I?" I ask.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan," he says and hands me the comb and then
turns his back to me.
Next to making love to Qui-Gon, this is my favorite way to be
with him. Sitting quiet, with my hands in his hair. Caring for
him in this most personal contact.
As I finish detangling and combing his hair I pull it away from
his neck and lean in and kiss him. He does not pull away, so I
kiss him again, and then breathe over the moist spot. He moans
and I am encouraged to kiss him a third time. I wrap my arms
around his waist and latch my lips onto his neck. His clean
smelling, still damp hair falls on my face as I work to leave
my mark on him.
My hands get busy untying the belt at his waist and quickly
find their way to bare skin. I glide light fingers across his
stomach and to his thighs, and then his hands grab my wrists
and stop me.
I release my suction on his neck. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want this," he says.
I am suddenly dizzy and lean back against the couch. Qui-Gon
has never refused me before.
He turns to face me and with complete serenity he says, "I just
want to sleep tonight, Obi-Wan."
I blink several times, thinking he's somehow out of focus. This
can't be my Qui speaking to me this way. "You want to sleep?"
"Yes."
"And what am I supposed to do?"
"Perhaps some calming techniques would be in order," he says
and looks down at the considerable erection trying to poke its
way out of my pants.
I am hurt beyond words and get up from the couch and grab my
robe. I glance back at him briefly and then leave our quarters.
As usual when I am not sure where to go, I end up in the
gardens. I walk along on the crushed gravel paths trying to let
the Force guide me to a place where I can meditate, but all I
can think of is Qui-Gon. These gardens are so much a part of
him now, that I realize it was a mistake to come here.
When I turn to make my way back down the path I nearly knock
over Knight Tiomkin who has just come off an intersecting path.
"Master Kenobi. Pardon me."
"My fault completely, L'Nar. I wasn't watching where I was
going."
"What brings you to the gardens this evening? If I may ask,
Master?"
I exhale before answering. I'd best be careful. I don't want
the entire Temple knowing about my and Qui's little problem. "I
often come here to meditate at night. And you?"
"I was just taking a brisk walk. I like to walk the entire
garden before I go back to my quarters to sleep," he says and
smiles at me.
"There are over five miles of paths in the gardens. And you
walk them each night?"
"Yes," he smiles again, this time I detect satisfaction. "I've
been doing it since I was a child, but Master C'Wind always
tried to get me to sit and meditate on a particular area of the
garden. I still prefer to look on it as a whole."
I nod. "Yes, I suppose it is. Though I imagine most Jedi take
the position of your master in that they prefer to sit in a
favorite place... such as the meadow or butterfly garden."
"Do you have a favorite place, Master?"
"Me? Well, I enjoy all of the gardens, but if I had to choose a
favorite place it would be the waterfall garden. The sound of
the water speaks to me." I smile when I say that thinking how
pleased Qui-Gon would be to hear that. Too often, he has
reminded me over the years that I am not as in touch with the
Living Force as I should be.
"I know what you mean. As I walk, I try to listen to what each
place is telling me."
I stand for a moment considering his words, and trying myself
to hear what the Force was telling me in this place. "Would you
mind if I joined you?"
L'Nar grins. "I would be honored, Master."
And so we walk the miles of paths through the gardens. Speaking
only occasionally and then to say what we hear in the Force.
It's an incredible evening. One of the more pleasant in recent
memory. I thank the knight for it, and we part ways.
I return to my quarters, change into my sleep pants, and slide
into bed next to Qui-Gon. His back is to me, again, and I am
careful to give him his space. And then he speaks to me.
"Obi-Wan."
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry."
I close my eyes to hold back the tears. "It's all right. I
guess I haven't been listening to what you've been trying to
tell me."
He rolls onto his back, and I prop myself up on one elbow to
look into his face. "I'm more than happy to just cuddle." I say
and send a wave of love through our bond.
"But you need more than that," he says, and his eyes look sad.
"Let me be the judge of that."
He wants to say more, but I am afraid this will lead to another
argument, so I put my fingers over his lips. "Please, Qui.
Let's just enjoy the silent pleasure of lying in each other's
arms."
He opens his arms for an embrace and I settle into him for a
blissful night's rest.
Each night for the next week we follow the same pattern. A
light dinner in the dining hall, return to our quarters for
showers, I comb out Qui-Gon's hair, but make no advances, he
settles on the couch with his favorite book, and I leave to
walk in the gardens with Knight Tiomkin.
I am amazed at how much I am learning about the gardens from
L'Nar. I know Qui-Gon has told me many of the same things, but
for some reason I am more willing to hear them from L'Nar.
Maybe when it's coming from Qui-Gon it's too much like a
lesson. I still feel very much like his padawan at times. But
with L'Nar, it's just two Jedi sharing the wisdom of the Force
with each other.
On the ninth night of our new pattern, I get up to leave, but
Qui-Gon stops me.
"Going to the gardens again?" he asks.
"Yes," I nod.
"To meet Knight Tiomkin?"
"Yes. You know that's who I've been walking with."
"Do you enjoy his company?"
"He's a pleasant enough young man. You'd appreciate his views
on the Living Force."
"Do you plan on sleeping with him?"
My mouth drops open. I know I must look dumbstruck, but I can't
believe what Qui-Gon has just asked. "No, I do not."
"And why not? Do you find him repulsive?"
"That has nothing to do with it."
"Then you should sleep with him."
My heart is pounding in my chest, and I'm fairly certain it
will explode. "Why are you doing this? Are you trying to hurt
me?"
"You're a very sensual man, Obi-Wan. I want your love life to
be as fulfilling as the rest of your life."
"And why can't my love life be fulfilling with you?"
"We both knew this day would come. I'm thirty years older than
you. I was bound to lose interest in sex before you did."
"Lose interest?" Again my mouth opens, but no more words will
come out. He's telling me he's not interested in me that way
anymore. I'm devastated. I've always judged my own sexuality
and attractiveness on how Qui-Gon saw me and wanted me. If he
doesn't want me anymore, I don't know how I feel about myself.
I stumble toward the door and grab my robe on my way out. I
find my way to the gardens, but hesitate going in. I know L'Nar
is here, waiting for me, but I am in no mood to speak with him
about the ways of the Living Force. I keep walking. Down the
corridors, passed training halls, the dining hall, archives,
and right out of the Temple. As I emerge into the open air of
the Coruscant night, and stand on the stone steps of the
Temple, I take a deep, calming breath.
"Find your center, Kenobi," I say out loud. But my center is
back in my quarters, probably happy I'm out of his way for the
night, so that he can enjoy his book in peace.
A single tear blinks out of an eye, and I wipe it away quickly.
No sense in letting anyone see a Jedi cry.
I hail an air taxi and take it to the "Droid Master," a dance
club we frequented when our bond was new.
The night is young, and the club is just beginning to fill with
patrons of all species and backgrounds. I lean up against the
bar and order a Huttese spice drink. Its aroma alone is enough
to make most humanoids lightheaded. I gulp the drink in two
swigs and order another. The bartender gives me a curious look.
I know it's not normal to see a Jedi trying to get drunk, but
in the end he doesn't mind. My credits are just as good as
anyone else's.
I'm on my third drink when a familiar voice addresses me from
behind.
"Master Kenobi?"
I turn, swaying slightly, and look into the very concerned face
of Knight Tiomkin.
"L'Nar! What in the sith hells brings you to this place?"
"I followed you. When you didn't come inside the garden for our
walk, I wanted to see if everything was all right."
"Of course, everything's all right." I know my words are
sounding slurred, but I'm feeling good, very good, and damn
Qui-Gon if he thinks I'm going to let him ruin my evening.
"Maybe you'd like to sit?" the knight asks.
I nod, and he waves at the bartender to bring him a drink, as
he escorts me to small corner table.
"You're a good man to check on me, but it isn't necessary." I'm
getting my balance back a little from sitting.
"I've enjoyed our walks... I thought you had too." He says
quietly, almost too quietly as the music is thumping around us.
"Yes, yes, I've enjoyed them. You're a wise Jedi, L'Nar. Far
more in tune with the Living Force than I will ever be."
He blushes slightly at my compliment, and I find myself
grinning at this. He looks innocent. Out of place here. "Yes, I
enjoy your company very much." I grin again, this time patting
his hand on the table.
"I enjoy being with you as well," he says, and takes his other
hand and places it over mine.
Our eyes lock, and he rubs his thumb over the back of my hand.
I swallow at the intimate contact and pull my hand back.
"I'm bonded..."
"I know," he says. "Your love affair with Master Jinn is the
stuff of legends."
"Legends?"
"Every Padawan in the Temple dreams of having what you and
Master Jinn have."
"Is that why you were stroking my hand? Because you want what
Master Jinn has?"
The knight looks away in embarrassment, but quickly regroups.
"I just want you. I have for years."
"And do you have the habit of wanting what you can not have?" I
ask, intrigued by his desire for me, and yet not wanting to
lead him on.
"I never dreamed I would even get to meet you, and yet for the
last week we've been sharing walks in the gardens and now we're
in this club having drinks. I wouldn't call that wanting what I
can not have."
The knight's conviction is showing now, and I feel a little off
balance again... or is it the spiced drink?
"And what is it about me that has you so enthralled?" I ask
teasingly, but deep down I'd like to know. Qui-Gon rocked my
confidence in myself tonight, and I need this ego boost.
"Even from a distance it's easy to admire you... your saber
skills, your energy. And then there's your looks of course. I
only wish I had gotten closer to you sooner, then I could have
been fantasizing about those changeable eyes of yours."
"Fantasize? About me?"
"Oh, gods, Master. If you only knew how many knights and
padawans at the Temple dream about you."
I clear my throat, uncomfortable by this confession.
He takes my hand from my lap and kisses the palm. His brown
eyes sing of lust and invitation. "I want you, Master. And I
know you want me too. Why else would you spend your evenings
away from Master Jinn with me?"
To a certain degree he is right. I have enjoyed, actually
looked forward to my evenings with him. But I never considered
bedding him.
"No..." I begin, but his lips are on my mouth swallowing the
remainder of my protest.
His kiss is gentle, but filled with the promise of passion, and
I stop breathing as I let myself enjoy the sensation. It is at
once strange and exciting to have another's lips on mine.
Someone besides the familiar kiss of my beloved Qui-Gon.
Suddenly his words come crashing into my mind. "I want you to
take a lover." He has given me permission to release my sexual
energy into another. But if he was here, and saw the way L'Nar
is advancing on me, kissing me, moving his hand up my thigh,
would he still feel the same?
"I can't," I breathe out between his kisses.
"Yes, you can, Master. And you want to," he whispers to me and
then lunges forward in a deep, questing kiss.
My head is spinning. I feel my control spiralling away as the
effect of his kisses enhances the effects of the alcohol.
"Let me take you somewhere private," he tells me as he pulls
back and holds my face as he looks deep into my eyes. "There
are rooms upstairs."
"No. Not here."
"My quarters then?"
I consider this for a moment, and realize that's the last place
I want to be right now. "No. Not at the Temple."
"Then here, Master. No one will know."
I'm not that far gone that I don't know what's happening. I am
being seduced. And I am letting it happen.
He leads me upstairs, pulling me along with my hand in his. His
thumb is rubbing my hand again, and he looks back at me every
so often to smile and encourage our connection.
"Here we are," he tells me, and unlocks the door with a key I
don't remember him getting from the proprietor.
He lets me walk inside first, and I am surprised at how clean
and attractive the room is. It's tastefully decorated in
burgundy, gold, and cream. There is one large bed, a divan, a
chair, a desk, and a small bath with room for two. As he closes
the door behind us, he is pushing me against the wall, his
mouth locking onto mine, and his hands going up to push my robe
off.
I am a little stunned by his eagerness, but then, this is his
fantasy. He moves quickly as if he's worried I'll change my
mind before he's finished ravaging me. I let him control this.
My body is willing, but my mind and heart are still reeling
from Qui-Gon's dismissal of me. I can't fully engage in this
affair. I'll let my body be taken, but nothing else.
Before long we are naked and tumbling onto the bed. I am
reminded of my youthful exploits. Of the lovers I had taken as
I waited for Qui-Gon to admit he loved me. And then that didn't
happen until after he had nearly died on Naboo.
L'Nar is between my legs, sucking my cock now. My eyes are
closed, my hands loosening his ponytail and entwining in his
hair. I can almost imagine this is Qui-Gon... I try, but let go
of the idea. Though I will not give myself fully to this young
man, I owe him the respect of at least having him in my
conscious when I fuck him. And that's all this is about.
Releasing our sexual tension. Using each other's bodies for
mutual pleasure.
He brings me to climax in one of the most delicious cock
suckings of my life. Next to... And then he's kissing me again,
and his hand is working my cock, bringing it back to hardness.
"I want to do you all night," he tells me.
I moan my agreement and begin to let go my inhibitions, though
I've carefully shielded my mind. This tryst is sanctioned, but
I don't want to hurt Qui-Gon by pouring any of my sexual
fulfilment through our bond. Instead I send my love to him, and
then clamp down for a wild ride with this young knight.
I take a more active role in this coupling, and flip L'Nar onto
his stomach. He screams out his delight and fumbles in the
night stand drawer for the lubricant. I take it from his hand
and quickly pour it on my fingers. I don't want to hurt him in
this joining, because I'm going to want to fuck him again later
tonight.
I take a chance, and slide two fingers inside him. He groans
loudly and squirms, but I know its good. I work him quickly,
insert a third finger, scissor him open further, and then
withdraw and spread his legs.
"Take me!" he calls out and then grips the bed sheets in
anticipation of my entering him.
I slick my cock with oil, and then press the tip to his anus
and take a deep breath. There is a moment of hesitation when I
second-guess my actions here, but I'm too far-gone. Too aroused
to turn back. I plunge inside him, and find that I can slide my
shaft completely inside him in one stroke.
I cry out in delight. "Yes!"
He's obviously very practiced at this, but I don't mind. I'm
the one fucking him now. Giving him pleasure. I ride him to an
exhausted completion, and drop onto his back. Before the night
is through we'll go at two more times... once inside me, and
then once more with him straddling my lap.
It's nearly 0300 on the chrono by the time I return to my
quarters. I am sated beyond thinking straight, but at least
have the sense not to climb into bed with Qui-Gon. I remove my
boots and belt, and curl up on the couch with my robe around
me.
Several hours later, Qui-Gon is awake and making breakfast. He
isn't trying too hard to be quiet, and when I finally open my
eyes and sit up, he seems anxious to speak with me.
"You look well fucked, Obi-Wan," He says, with a slight edge to
his voice.
"Don't."
"Just an observation."
"Then keep it to yourself," I tell him and head for the
fresher.
When I return breakfast is ready and laid out on the table. I
join him, and he's actually being pleasant.
"Anakin is leaving for Naboo today. I thought I'd see him off
at the landing pad," he tells me.
"But tomorrow's your Naming Day. Can't he wait until after?"
"He's anxious to get home to Amidala. Besides at my age one
doesn't celebrate Naming Days anymore."
"At your age? There you go again about how old you are. Is that
what's bothering you? That you're turning eighty tomorrow? I'm
sure Master Yoda would have a few words for you on that."
"Yes, well, his species lives for centuries. Ours does not."
I lean back in my chair. There's something odd in his tone as
if he's not telling me something very important.
"You're in great health, Qui-Gon. I'm sure the Healers
confirmed that when you had your last physical."
His face goes ashen, and suddenly I am afraid.
"What is it? You did have your physical didn't you?"
He nods.
"Well?"
"I... I don't know how to tell you."
"Just tell me, damn it! You've been dancing around it for weeks
now."
"I... I only have a few more years to live."
I grab the table to steady myself. "What? Are you sure?"
"Yes, I have the report right here." He says and gets out of
his chair and retrieves a datapad from a shelf.
I scroll through the report. It is thorough, and well written,
and definitely only gives Qui-Gon a few years to live... at
best.
"You should've told me, love."
"How do you tell your heart that you are leaving him?"
"No," I whimper, dropping the datapad and rushing into his
arms. "You can't leave me. Not when we finally have time for
each other."
He pulls me close and rocks me in his embrace. "That is why I
wanted you to find a lover. I needed to know that you could
find comfort in another."
"Only sex, Qui. Not love. I'll never love another as I have
you."
"I know, Obi-Wan. But it still gives me a little peace knowing
your nights will not be lonely."
With those words I begin to cry. I can not imagine a life
without Qui-Gon. He has been my center, my everything for
thirty-six years. He has protected me, guided me, taught me,
comforted me, admonished me, loved me, adored me, captured me.
I feel as if I can't go on. I won't go on without him.
"I know what you're thinking, Obi-Wan. That you can't survive
without me. And that was what kept me from your love in the
beginning. I worried that even after your knighting I'd still
be your master, and you'd never find your true self."
I look up into his eyes. "But I know myself, Qui-Gon. I can
never fully stand clear of your shadow, but I am still my own
man."
He smiles at me. His eyes are warm and I am reminded of the
many times he comforted me from across a room with just a
simple look. A smile.
"I want us to continue as we are until I am gone. I don't want
to dwell on the inevitable, but I need to be sure you will be
well," he says, implying that I continue my affair with L'Nar.
I want to argue the point, but I don't want words between us,
and I'm enjoying his embrace too much to fight. We move to the
couch and stay entwined in each other's arms until its time for
him to leave for class. He has classes all day and then a
teachers social that evening, so I will be on my own, with this
heavy burden.
I decide to meet L'Nar for our walk that evening. His eyes are
bright and a little surprised that I have come. I open my arms
and he hugs me tightly.
"I didn't think you'd come," he admits.
"No, I suppose you wouldn't. Last night was..."
"Wonderful," he says and pulls back to look into my eyes. The
light only begins to fade in them as he realizes my sadness.
"Something's wrong."
"Yes. I need someone to talk to."
"Then talk to me. As you know I can do more than just..." His
eyes rake over my body to remind me of our encounter last
night.
"I know. You're a fine listener."
We begin our walk through the gardens, and when I feel
comfortable, I reveal the Healer's prognosis that Qui-Gon
doesn't have long to live. L'Nar's shock is almost as great as
was mine.
"Are they sure? The Healers have been known to be wrong." he
says.
"It's his annual physical. Standard procedure. Not much could
go wrong with those tests."
"Obi-Wan," he says and takes my hand firmly. After last night,
I am happy that he would call me by my given name. "I am very
sorry."
I blink back tears. "I haven't had time to accept this yet. I
probably never will."
"Let's sit in your favorite garden. Maybe the water will speak
to you again," he says and grins.
I nod in agreement and we wind our way to the waterfalls. The
rush of the water is loud, but calming and I am glad to let it
roar in my ears as I sit close enough to the water's edge to be
sprayed by its cascade.
I do hear the Force speak in this place, and it tells me that
this young man will help me. How, I do not know, but it is
enough to bring me a moments peace. L'Nar leans against me on
the grass, and I stroke his hair.
"You're a lovely young man, L'Nar. How is it you are not bonded
to anyone?"
"I have a habit of falling in love with people who are already
spoken for... like my master and you."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. At least you've given me a chance to express my
physical attraction for you. I know the chances of it being
more than that are very slim."
"Again. I'm sorry."
He looks into my eyes with a wide smile. "Please don't be. Last
night was amazing. I never dreamed you'd be so passionate."
I feel my face warming from his words.
"You wanted it to end there, didn't you?" he asks.
I nod.
"I thought as much," he says, and fights the hurt. "Would it be
too much for me to ask to share one more night with you?"
I am flattered by his request. And yes, despite Qui-Gon's wish
for me to keep a lover, I had decided last night I would only
lose control one time. But I feel I owe this young man
something. He has a good soul, and I think he needs me as much
or more than I needed him last night.
"I'd be honored," I tell him.
We walk back separately to his quarters. I'm still Qui-Gon's
bondmate, and therefore concerned of potential rumors.
Once inside I give myself to him, even a little of my love. I
have too much respect for him now to just fuck him. He deserves
to have me make love to him. And I do. Last night was about me.
Tonight is about him. I pleasure him. Suck him. Kiss him.
Thrust in him. Caress him. Every touch just for him. He is
special, and I want him to know that is how I feel about him.
After we climax for the third time and I have come off my high,
I reach through my bond with Qui-Gon to check on him. He is
resting, but awake. Probably lying in bed waiting for me to
come home. I shake my head. From the day he accepted me as his
padawan he has always put me first. And now, even with the end
of his life staring him in the face, he has bravely put my
welfare first again.
When an appropriate amount of time has elapsed I nudge L'Nar
awake.
"May I use your fresher?" I ask.
He is confused by the question, so I elaborate.
"No offense, but I don't want to smell like sex when I return
to my quarters tonight."
He nods his understanding.
When I am dressed and about to leave we embrace one last time.
"Be well, Obi-Wan. And thank you."
"Thank you, L'Nar. I wish..." I am about to tell him that I
wish we had met before my bonding, but somehow that doesn't fit
the mood of the moment. "I wish for you the same happiness I
have had in my life."
A final, tender kiss and I have ended my affair and am
returning to Qui-Gon's side.
In bed that night, I wrap myself around Qui-Gon. He's a little
surprised I'm back so early. It's just midnight.
"Interesting experiment, Qui, but it's over," I whisper to him
in the dark.
He caresses my back. "I do not enjoy the idea of you sharing
yourself with another, but I want your needs met."
He knows me well. Better than anyone. And he is right that I
have a large appetite for sex. I do feel sated from my time
with L'Nar. That much was accomplished. But I don't feel happy
about it. With Qui-Gon, sex had always been a part of something
bigger... us... our bond... our souls coming together. My
nights with L'Nar had been fun and physically satisfying, but
devoid of the pure light and intimacy I share with Qui-Gon.
"From now on any needs I have will either be met by you or no
one."
"Was the experience so unpleasant?"
"It was not unpleasant, but that's not the point. What were you
thinking? What was I thinking to do that? To betray what we
have."
"What we had, Obi-Wan. I can not..."
"I know. You can not fulfil me that way anymore." I say like a
mindless droid.
"I'm sorry, my love."
I want to pull away from him. Out of his embrace. Let him know
that I'm unhappy with his willingness to give up what we have
without a fight lose our last remaining years together to
impending pain and loss. But I crave his touch, and to feel him
on my body, even if only as a loving embrace. We fall asleep,
and I try to focus on what we still have.
It's Qui-Gon's Naming Day. He is eighty standard years. I know
he does not want to celebrate this day, but I have planned a
small gathering in our quarters after dinner. We will mark this
special day with or without his consent. We will celebrate his
life and for one day forget that time is against us now.
In the meantime, we trudge through the day in our normal
routine. He at classes and in the garden and me keeping up with
my training by sparring with several knights.
I do not see L'Nar as I move about the Temple, but that's
probably a good thing. I think he was falling in love with me,
and was hurt more than pleasured by our coming together. I
promise myself that when see him again I will apologize to him.
I don't believe he'll accept my apology, but I'll make it
nonetheless.
That evening I prepare all of Qui-Gon's favorites for dinner.
What I'm not skilled enough to prepare myself, I've bribed the
Temple cook into doing and sending up by service droid. We
enjoy roasted Kwili bird, seasoned green-sprouts, fresh cracked
grain bread, and finally flourless red berry cake with cream.
He is filled to the gills, and I am pleased to see the content
smile on his face.
"Thank you, love. I know you put a great deal of care into that
meal. It was delicious."
I smile broadly. "Anything for my beloved."
I clear the table and moments later the door chimes. It's
Masters Yoda, Windu, and Crinshaw. They give their Naming Day
greetings and join us for tea and conversation. It is a
pleasant evening, nearly perfect, until the door chimes again.
I answer it and am nearly blown over to see L'Nar standing
there. I turn to the other's. "It's Knight Tiomkin."
I can see Qui-Gon is taken aback and a tendril of jealousy
reaches me.
I lean toward L'Nar and in a quiet voice say, "This isn't a
good time. We're celebrating Qui-Gon's Naming Day."
"Then this is the perfect time. Please let me in, Obi-Wan."
I see he will not be turned away, so I step back and allow him
to enter. He bows respectfully to the masters, and then pulls a
datapad from his robe.
"Please allow me to speak openly, Masters, and especially to
you, Master Jinn. Obi... Master Kenobi informed me of the
results of your physical exam."
Qui-Gon shoots me an unhappy glare. I know what he's thinking.
It's bad enough that he's allowed me to take a lover, but then
to learn I've revealed our secrets is inexcusable.
"L'Nar... Knight Tiomkin, maybe this would be better discussed
later."
"Please." L'Nar says and touches my arm. "You'll want to hear
what I have to tell you."
I blink and step back from him so that his hand falls away.
"As I said, I heard about the surprising results of your
physical exam, Master Jinn. It didn't make sense to me. Though
I don't know you personally, I've seen you around the Temple
enough to know that you're a formidable man."
Qui-Gon nods at the compliment.
"I didn't expect others to be here... but I'll tell you what I
did anyway. I hacked my way into the Healers' database."
There's a collective gasp in the room, and then Mace begins
ranting about increased security measures and how the knight
will have to stand trial before the Council.
Yoda finally cuts him off. "Good reason I think he had. What
found you?"
"This." He says and hands the datapad to me. "Scroll down half
a page. You'll see," he says pointing to the small screen. "The
report Master Jinn was given actually belongs to Master
Cin-Tao. And we all know how ill he's been."
"You mean the reports got mixed up?" I ask.
"That's exactly what happened." He says and hits a button on
the datapad. "Master Jinn's prognosis is for a very long life.
Read it yourself."
I read it, but I can't believe it. I finally look up to see
Qui-Gon sitting on the edge of his chair. "The Healers estimate
you will live for at least another thirty years. Here... look."
I'm smiling from ear to ear and my hand is trembling as I give
over the datapad to Qui-Gon.
He looks over the information for a moment and then closes his
eyes, falling back fulling into his chair. I fall to my knees
before him.
"You're well, Qui-Gon. In fact, you're probably one of the
healthiest humanoids at the Temple."
He wraps his arms around me and begins to cry. I reach up and
wipe the tears from his face, even as I am crying.
"We can look forward to many more years together," I tell him.
"Perhaps time it is to leave," Yoda interjects.
I turn to see the masters getting up from their chairs. I
should ask them to stay, but I desperately need to be alone
with Qui-Gon. However, I do signal for L'Nar to stay. He steps
toward us.
"Thank you," I smile up at him.
"Yes, thank you," Qui-Gon adds. "You were right to follow your
instincts."
He nods respectfully to Qui-Gon and then looks on me. "I
meditated at the falls today. The water told me what I needed
to do."
"The Force told me you would help me, but I never dreamed you
would give me back my Qui-Gon," I tell him.
"I am pleased I could help the most famous bonded pair in Jedi
history," He bows and turns to leave.
I jump to my feet and hug him from behind. "L'Nar... I also
wanted to say that I'm sorry."
He turns to face me. "Sorry?"
"Yes. I.... I think I hurt you."
"No, Obi-Wan. Never think that. I knew going in how much you
love Master Jinn. That we were even able to..." He says and
then stops and looks to Qui-Gon. "Well, you know. There's no
sorry."
I kiss his cheek. "Thank you."
He leaves us and I am immediately back in my beloved's arms.
"My Obi-Wan." He says, caressing my hair. "I am the one who
should be saying sorry."
I look deep into his blue eyes. "Everything's going to be fine
now." I smile.
"I am still sorry for what I put you through..."
"Shh, love." I put my fingers over his lips and then withdraw
them to drop a sweet kiss.
He returns the kiss ten-fold, deepening it hungrily. "I was
afraid, Obi-Wan. I was afraid that our age difference had
finally caught up with us. Even though I felt in great physical
condition I let the results of my exam effect me. When I read
that I only had a few years to live I felt old and useless, and
I didn't want you to have to face our separation alone."
I shake my head, and drop more kisses on his face. "No,
beloved. No more talk of this crazy physical. I'm going to ask
the Council to grant me a year's leave."
"Obi-Wan, you're too valuable in the field."
"We need this time together. We've spent half our bonding
apart. Surely we can ask for this."
Qui-Gon nods. "I know at least Yoda will support us."
"So... how's your energy level tonight? Still feeling tired?
Old?"
"How could I with you, Obi-Wan? You always make me feel alive
and well loved."
I nuzzle his neck. "And where would you like to feel most well
loved?"
Qui-Gon chuckles. "I have been dreaming of you inside me."
I lean back to look into his eyes. "Oh, Qui... where do you
want me to take you?"
"In our bed, love."
I stand and hold out my hand to him. He takes it and I lead him
into our bedroom. We undress watching each other, hypnotized
and aroused by the other's beauty, and then meet for a long
embrace and kisses.
As we're moving toward the bed, I stop and with the help of the
Force, I push the bed across the room to the windows.
"I want everyone to see how much I love you."
// Obi-Wan!//
I laugh. // You've never been shy before, love.//
// Sure, the curtains have been open before, but we never
actually did *it* next to the window.//
Before he can argue further, I let my hand slalom down his
chest and to his erection. I grasp it gently and begin stroking
it. He leans into my caress and tilts my head up for a kiss.
Without any more words, I move him back onto the bed and make
long, sweet love to him under the window. I know from this
angle we are in full view of the speeding traffic, and even
more so of any Jedi above us on their balconies. It's an erotic
and exciting feeling to be making love to my Qui-Gon with so
many eyes on us, but I revel in it.
I'm inside him now, thrusting deeper and deeper into my love.
My arms are locked and holding me upright while I let my lower
body work him into a pleasurable sweat. With each thrust of my
hard, wanting cock, I reaffirm my love and desire for him.
Filling him with my emotions and me.
There is no doubt anymore. He believes me again. He accepts
that I find his silver hair sexy, and that he's still the most
beautiful man I have ever known. He feels how I burn for him.
Am always burning for him. Am always wanting this joining of
our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.
Yes, Qui-Gon Jinn is eighty, but I am still as much in love
with him as I was so many years ago. And I look forward to many
more nights and days like this. Making love and renewing love.
Now is our time together. And I want everyone to know it.
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