Summary: Obi-Wan learns to deal with the loss of his master.
Qui-Gon learns to deal with being a Monk.
Feedback: This author grovels for feedback! If you like it,
tell me. Heck, if you don't like it, tell me!
Thanks to: Marnee for Beta'ing this!
Two women stood at the temple door, their eyes curious as they
looked at Qui-Gon. Finally, one of them spoke. "You should not
be here."
"I have permission to stay."
"This place belongs to the Jedi-it's holy!"
"I am quite aware of that." He thought of using the mind trick,
but these women weren't hurting anything. "That is why I came
here."
The second woman nudged the first. Then he heard her
whisper,"He's wearing a lightsaber!"
"You're a Jedi!" The first woman seemed to be happy with this
news.
"I am a Jedi Monk. I came here for solitary reflection,"
Qui-Gon explained.
"We welcome you to Gilawrten." The first woman bowed formally.
"We would ask you, if we would be permitted to bring you
foodstuffs as offerings." The second woman bowed.
"I am not a god," Qui-Gon pointed out.
"In the old times, it was tradition for the locals to donate
food to the temple."
He could feel how much this meant to the woman. "Then I would
be honored by your donations."
"Will there be more Jedi coming to the temple?" the first woman
asked.
"I've been told, that if I find this place satisfactory, that
someday, others might come here."
The women looked pleased. "Thank you."
It was a late night on Coruscant. Obi-Wan was at yet another
training session; not for his body, but his mind. His new
Master insisted that his mind was out of shape. It was the
neverending loneliness that made him want to cry. It felt as if
a part of his soul was missing. Perhaps if he did as Windu
said, the emptiness would leave.
"Center your mind," was the command of Mace Windu.
Obi-Wan Kenobi sat cross-legged on a pillow, trying to close
his mind. His new Master walked around him, his mind probing at
Obi-Wan's.
"I can feel darkness within you. You must close your mind."
"I am trying."
"There is no try! There is just do!" Windu's voice was sharp.
Obi-Wan closed his mind down the way he used to do when he was
abused as a child. His mind felt nothing.
He could feel the touch of Windu's hand on his shoulder. "Much
better."
"Master, why did you say you felt darkness inside me?"
"We all have the capacity for darkness. That is all, I just
felt your capacity."
"Yes..." The word stuck in his throat. "Master."
"We'll have one more exercise. Then you'll be able to rest."
Windu looked him up and down. "Busy day tomorrow."
"Yes, Master."
"Concentrate your mind," came the command.
Obi-Wan was woken by the feel of lips on his cheek, then hands
on his body, caressing him. The touch was familiar to him, a
touch he knew almost as well as he knew himself.
//Master.// The person touching him wasn't real, instead using
the force to visit. He tried to mold his body into the touch.
//I am no longer your master,// the visitor reminded him. //I'm
a monk.//
//A monk?// he asked puzzled.
//Yes, a monk.// The hands stroked his hair. //Sleep,
beloved.//
//Yes, Qui-Gon.// The younger man pretended to fall asleep.
Instead his mind was racing, reaching out, trying to locate his
Master.
He saw his Master. He sat on a mountain; Obi-Wan could feel the
area surrounding him. Qui- Gon was in a disused Jedi temple.
There were the ruins of a city at the foot of the mountain. A
different city that was inhabited could be seen in the far
distance.
The air was cool to Qui-Gon. He was tightly wrapped in his
cloak. Outside, the suns were just specks in the distance, much
smaller than the sun of Coruscant, or many inhabited planets.
More like stars instead of suns.
Suddenly, the connection was broken off.
The place seemed familiar to him, very familiar. That was the
problem of being Qui-Gon's Padawan. He had been to many, many
planets on diplomatic voyages. He would just have to remember
where.
Obi-Wan got out of bed. He went to the window, looking out at
the night sky of Coruscant. Three months it had been since he
came here. Three long months.
The visit gave him something to believe in. Perhaps his Master
wanted him back. Qui-Gon had called him beloved. The word made
his heart fill with hope.
The feel of his Master's mind breaking off hurt. The loneliness
returned. He told himself that Qui- Gon was just checking on
how he was doing. But why the kisses? Why the caressing?
//Master, how could you leave me?// he asked the stars.
Obi-Wan spent the next few months at his assignment teaching
the five year-old classes. He found that he enjoyed teaching
the younger kids. //Perhaps I can do this when I become a
Master.//
//That is, if I last that long.//
He stood on duty, while the kids played in the Academy yard. He
thought of Qui-Gon. Now his Master was a monk, Obi-Wan a
teacher.
He wondered if the older man enjoyed the solitary life. Qui-Gon
had always been reserved, but he never thought his Master would
go off to be alone.
//Why didn't you let me into your walls?// Obi-Wan thought. //I
wonder if you ever knew that I loved you.//
A young child ran up to him. "Obi-Wan, will you play ball with
us?"
He looked across the playground. His new Master was standing,
watching him. //I need to talk to you, come here.//
"I'm sorry, perhaps later," he told the child.
The only training he had received from Windu was endless
evenings of mind-control exercises. As he walked across the
grass, he wondered if he hadn't conducted last night's practice
right. He never seemed to please his new Master. Windu wouldn't
tell him the day of the exercise if it had been completed
right, but would always wait until the next day.
Obi-Wan Kenobi had always been afraid of Mace Windu. He wasn't
sure why. Perhaps it was because the man was always so big, so
hulking. So able to see right through him.
His third Master. Would he ever be able to become a Knight? He
knew that Windu only took him because of his friendship with
Qui-Gon.
He followed Windu to his office. The Master asked,"How are you
doing?"
"I am fine." There was a pause as the word stuck in his mouth.
"Master."
"You still don't feel convertible calling me Master." The man
smiled at Obi-Wan. "Why don't you call me Windu."
"Yes, Windu," Obi-Wan repeated.
Windu gestured to the couch. Obi-Wan sat down. Windu sat down a
few feet away from him. "Your exercises last night were done
very well. I've seen much progress in you." Obi-Wan tried to
hide his surprise. "Your mind control is a lot better than it
was when you first arrived."
"I've been working, Master."
"Tonight, your exercises will be short," Windu promised. "Tell
me, what happened between Qui- Gon and you."
Obi-Wan looked away from the man. "I don't feel comfortable
talking about him."
"I know you were involved with him. You were his lover," Windu
said.
Obi-Wan looked up at the man in shock. "I was never Qui-Gon's
lover," he objected.
The man waved his hand. "Tell me the truth."
Obi-Wan found himself telling the entire events of Quafala to
Windu, of not really knowing what had happened, except for his
Master's leaving.
"You were the first person Qui-Gon could trust to form the bond
of Vaar."
Obi-Wan looked at the older man, not understanding what he was
saying. "I am?"
"He must really love you, for him to get this scared."
"Qui-Gon scared?"
"That's why he ran. He's scared." Windu thought for a moment.
"He used to do this when we were at the academy. Anytime he was
afraid, he would be off in a shot."
"What should I do?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Give him some time. When you start feeling him, then go find
him."
"Do you really think I will begin to feel him?"
"He loves you. Eventually, he will let down his barriers enough
to see how you are," Windu said wisely. "You chose to have a
Vaar with him. No matter what he wants to do, you can't just
break off a Vaar. It's a life-long thing."
"You'll let me try to find him?" Obi-Wan asked. "But you're my
Master."
'I am only your Master for now. You are meant to be with
Qui-Gon. Besides," the man smiled again, "your master is too
good of a Jedi to allow him to run off."
When Obi-Wan went back to his quarters, he asked the computer
to describe a Vaar. The computer describe a lifebond between a
Master and apprentice. A tie that was beyond friendship, beyond
love.
//Lover...// Obi-Wan felt light headed. He grabbed the desk.
Memories washed over him like a wave.
Obi-Wan kissed his Master's lips, and felt his Master's arms go
around him, pulling him close.
Then Qui-Gon pulled away from him. "Are you sure you're ready
for this?"
"I'm no longer a little boy." he pointed out.
"You're a man now." Qui-Gon unfastened the younger man's hair,
running his fingers through Obi-Wan's braid. "We will take this
slowly."
"I want this."
Their first time together. The Vaar had been formed then. His
hand touched the amber amulet at his neck. Qui-Gon had always
worn it; now it was on him. The emptiness was no longer there.
Instead, his heart filled with Qui-Gon's spirit. Windu had been
right: no matter how much his master wanted to, there was no
way to break the Vaar.
Now that the Vaar was reformed, Obi-Wan knew exactly where his
Master was. The mythical planet of Gilawrtin. He would have to
go there. His Master might not want him, but Obi-Wan needed to
feel his Master's arms around him. He would have to close his
mind. If he knew where Qui-Gon was, his Master would also know
his plans.
Qui-Gon went onto the ledge. The lights in the distant city
enticed him. Beckoned him to come and rejoin society. He
reminded himself yet again that a monk was to live alone, away
from all other life. This temple... his mother had told him
tales of the legendary temple. The first home of the Jedi.
His mind drifted to Obi-Wan. He couldn't break that final tie
with his former Padawan. //Why can't my love for you leave?//
//What would you say if you knew I invaded your dreams?//
He reached out with his mind, using the last parts of the Vaar.
Coldness, all he could feel was coldness. He realized that
perhaps even the smallest link was gone.
The he could see Obi-Wan in his mind's eye. He was wearing
overalls, with a company logo on them. He was sitting at a
flight computer.
//Perhaps a training exercise.// Qui-Gon told himself.
He could feel an emptiness inside Obi-Wan. That something was
lost, and he wasn't sure what.
Then Qui-Gon could feel the Padawan's mind touch his, a sadness
in his thoughts. //Master, why won't you forgive me?//
//You're not the one that needs forgiveness.//
//Then why leave?//
//It's for the best this way. I love you.// Qui-Gon closed his
mind to the Padawan's.
Qui-Gon looked up at the stars. They seemed to call him a liar.
//I'm a monk now,// he reminded himself, as he turned to go
back to his duties.
Obi-Wan found a beauty to Gilawrtin. The place was so out of
the way that there weren't even regular pleasure ships here.
Instead, he had to hire himself out as a worker on a transport.
Qui-Gon's mindtouch had surprised him.
Obi-Wan left on what was euphemistically called shore leave. He
had three days. Only three days.
In the spaceport, Obi-Wan could feel something reach out, for a
brief instant touching his mind. He turned. Standing several
yards away, was Xanatos. He wore a black silk cape. His hair
was loose and his eyes glowed. His former captor pulled the
hood up over his head, and disappeared.
For an instant, Obi-Wan felt dizzy. //How can he touch my
mind?//
//Master, I must find my Master!//
Obi-Wan stopped at a stand that had a large sign: "Marnee's
fruits." A woman stood behind the stand, looking bored. "Care
to buy some fruit?"
"What can you recommend?"
The woman showed him several fruits. "These are the best on
Gilawrtin."
"I'll take one of each." As the woman packed the food, he
asked,"Is there a Jedi temple on Gilawrtin?"
"Not an occupied one."
"Well, any deserted ones?"
The woman stopped packing. "No, nothing."
Obi-Wan waved his hand; he could feel his mind touch the
woman's. "Tell me about the temple."
"The only Jedi temple on Gilawrtin is forbidden to strangers."
"Where is it?"
It's on Kiv mountain. The deserted city is at the foot of the
mountain."
"How far away is this Kiv mountain?"
"A two-hour aircar ride from the new city."
"Thank you for the fruit." Obi-Wan paid the woman and left.
Obi-Wan went to a rental agency. It was full of people. He took
a number and sat down to wait. A young girl sat on the chair
beside him. He asked the woman with her, "Why is this place so
crowded?"
"The public transport went on strike this morning. The new city
is very spread out."
"Hence the need for transport," Obi-Wan guessed.
The child looked Obi-Wan over. "Are you a Jedi?"
"No, I'm a visitor." Obi-Wan said.
"Hush, Kalia," the woman said.
"Jedis can be visitors, too," Kalia insisted.
"Of course they can," he told her. "Why did you want to know if
I was a Jedi?"
"You don't know the prophecy?"
"Please, I would like to hear the prophecy," Obi-Wan said.
"There is an old tale that once the Jedi return to Gilawrtin,
we will be allowed to live in the holy city."
"What's the holy city?"
"It's beneath the Jedi Temple. People from around the galaxy
used to go there to study at the Temple."
"Then what happened?"
"The Jedi had to leave during the Sith war. They never
returned," Kalia said morosely. "The Jedi vowed they would come
back."
The mother's number was called and she got up and went towards
the counter.
Obi-Wan couldn't stand the sadness of the child. "Don't tell
anyone, but I am a Jedi."
The girl's eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Yes, really. But don't tell anyone."
"I won't." She promised. Kalia's mother called across the room,
telling her that it was time to go. The girl climbed onto
Obi-Wan's lap, and gave him a large hug, then her lips brushed
his cheek. "Thank you."
Obi-Wan kissed her back. "Remember, it's our secret!"
"I promise," the girl said, running after her mother.
He opened himself to the Force. It told him where his Master
was. He drove through the streets of the deserted city and
wondered why anyone would leave it. He found a building, and
parked his car inside.
Then he began walking through the streets. The place was
chilly, even for him. Obi-Wan took his cape out of the backpack
and put it on. That was better, much better. He looked up to
the suns. They seemed like small jewels in the distance,
instead of suns.
It would be getting dark in a few hours. He would have to
concentrate on finding his Master. He walked over the
cobblestones of the streets, every stone still in place. None
of the buildings needed paint. The grass in yards had even been
trimmed.
Someone had taken care of this place. Then he remembered the
child telling him at the rental agency, "When the Jedi return,
the holy city can be reopened."
Did someone take care of this place in remembrance of the tale?
Something nagged in the back of his mind. Xanatos. Was it a
dream that he could feel the man's presence? Windu had
reassured him that you couldn't feel the presence of another
without a mental bond. Obi-Wan still had his doubts. He had
never made a mental bond with Xanatos, yet the older man could
touch his mind.
//Obi-Wan! Where are you?// Xanatos said in his mind. //What
part of the new city are you in?//
For the first time, he was grateful for Windu's teaching. He
closed his mind to the outside intruder. He now knew that
Xanatos was on this planet.
//Whatever he wants from me, he can't have it,// Obi-Wan vowed.
Obi-Wan looked up at the mountain. He took out his viewscope
and turned it to infrared. There was movement. He zoomed in on
the action; there were two women carrying a basket. They bowed
when they saw Qui-Gon. The Master bowed back. They gave him the
basket and left.
Obi-Wan walked towards the temple, at all times keeping his
mind closed. This place oozed the Force. The living force
surrounded him, pushing him onwards. He stopped a few meters
before he arrived at the temple; he hid in the bushes, waiting
for his Master to show himself.
It was an hour later when Qui-Gon stepped outside the temple.
He walked to the edge of the cliff, staring out at the stars.
Obi-Wan had never seen his Master look so full of despair
before. Then he felt his Master reaching out with his mind,
looking for Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan stepped out in the open. "Master."
Qui-Gon turned to him, unable to keep the surprise off his
face. "Obi-Wan, you shouldn't be here."
"I was on shore leave, so I decided to visit the temple."
Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. "Shore leave? You've left the Jedi?"
"I work on a transport ship," he said, darting the real truth.
"Windu let you leave the Jedi?" There was anger in his
voice as he walked towards Obi-Wan.
"He told me that if it made me happy, then I should go."
"I don't want you here. Go back to your ship!" Qui-Gon went
into the temple and Obi-Wan followed him. His Master spun
around to face him. "I am a monk, that means I work alone!"
"Do you really think you could break our bond by running away?"
"You have a new Master."
"I will never have a new Vaar."
Qui-Gon flinched. "You remember our Vaar."
"I could never forget."
"Your memories might be there, but the bond is gone." He tried
to keep the emotion out of his voice.
"Why did you leave, Master?"
"I took the Vaar from us."
"It never left." He moved a step closer to Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan
lowered his barriers. The bond that he was hiding reformed. "It
will always be with us."
"Can you remember what happened on Quafala?"
"I still have some missing memories," Obi-Wan admitted.
"I came to this place because I wanted to be alone." His master
turned from him. "I need time to think."
"I don't want to talk about this." His Master shrugged his hand
off. "I am no longer connected to you. Go back to Corusant."
"Master, Xanatos is on Gilawrin."
"How do you know this?"
"I saw him at the spaceport. He called out to me once after
that." Obi-Wan too a deep breath, and let it out. "He has a
mental bond with me."
"Then you must be careful to still your mind."
"I have been, Ma -- Qui-Gon."
"Keep on your guard. Perhaps he won't find out where you are."
"It's almost dark. I'd better go."
"That wouldn't be a good idea," his Master said reluctantly.
"You want me to leave," Obi-Wan reminded him.
"You will leave first thing in the morning." Qui-Gon walked
off. It wasn't a question, but an order.
Qui-Gon's mind raced. Obi-Wan was here! How did he get here
without Qui-Gon feeling it? He had never taught his Padawan
that.
//Oh yes. Windu.//
Windu had taught Obi-Wan far more about mind control then he
had been able to.
It had taken all his will not to run to his Padawan and take
him into his arms. To pull him to the floor and make slow love
to him. To feel his lover inside him.
He had to think of Obi-Wan. He had to think of his lover's
well-being over his own carnal need. He would have to send
Obi-Wan back to that ship he was working on. How in star blazes
did Windu allow Obi-Wan to leave the Jedi?
Qui-Gon would just have to convince him to go back. Windu would
be a better Master then him. Obi-Wan could be a great Jedi with
the proper training and guidance.
The sight of Obi-Wan being tortured flashed through his mind.
//Never again. I will never cause Obi-Wan to risk his life. I
love him too much.//
The fact that Obi-Wan now had a mindbond with Xanatos nagged at
him. The result of the mindrape. It would be much better for
Obi-Wan to stay at the temple for the rest of his visit.
Obi-Wan woke to the smell of food cooking; a whisper of a
mental touch caressed his skin. It felt good to feel the
presence of his Master nearby.
//He wants me out this morning,// he reminded himself. //He
loves me, I can feel it. Why is he cutting himself off from
me?//
Obi-Wan went outside. He watched the suns rise; even though the
stars were only dashes in the sky, he thought it was beautiful.
He wished he could share it with Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon stepped out onto the porch. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"Wonderful, Master"
"Qui-Gon. I'm no longer your Master," Qui-Gon corrected.
"It's a habit. I'll work to change it."
"I made breakfast, you're welcome to share it with me," Qui-Gon
offered.
"Thank you, Ma - I mean, Qui-Gon." He followed his Master into
the temple. "It's so peaceful. I wish I could stay here, to
meditate."
"Perhaps you can." Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan to his make-shift
kitchen and stirred the food in the pot. He put some of the
food into a bowl and gave it to Obi-Wan. For the first time,
Obi-Wan realized that his Master was wearing his lightsaber.
"Thank you." Obi-Wan sat down on the floor. He began to eat
slowly. It was stew. Why did his Master always cook stew? In
their years together, they had his homemade stew at least three
days a week. "It's good."
"I thought I would be a good host and fix your favorite food."
Qui-Gon got his own bowl and sat down.
"Don't you like stew?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I hate it," Qui-Gon admitted. "But I can still remember your
reaction to the stew when you first became my Padawan."
"I was so hungry. Hayata had me afraid to eat." For the first
time, Obi-Wan realized that his Master was doing this for him.
"He said that the Jedi would poison me."
"You trusted my food."
"It was because at the time, you were the only one I did
trust." He looked down to the food. "You're still the only one
I trust."
//How can he say that? After what I did?// He heard Qui-Gon
think.
Finally Qui-Gon said, "You're free to spend your shore leave at
this temple."
"Thank you."
"It's a large temple. You should be able to find yourself
something to do."
"I'll try and stay out of your way," he promised.
"Do you still have your lightsaber?" Qui-Gon asked.
"You know we have to give them up when we quit."
Qui-Gon went to Obi-Wan's backpack and took out the tunic. He
picked up the lightsaber and tossed it to Obi-Wan, who caught
it. "I know you're not supposed to have this, but with Xanatos
around, you should wear it."
"Yes, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan snapped the lightsaber to his belt.
Obi-Wan watched Qui-Gon washing. There was a large natural
fountain in the middle of the temple, still full of water.
Qui-Gon was immersed to his waist in the water with his tunic
off. Obi-Wan could see the ripples of the muscles on his
lover's back. There was a scar on his shoulder, that hadn't
been there the last time they had been together.
//It's new. Where did he get that scar?//
Qui-Gon finished washing. He wiped himself off with a towel,
then turned and picked up his tunic. For the first time, he saw
Obi-Wan. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to wash up."
Qui-Gon got out of the water. There was a new scar on his leg,
too. Obi-Wan turned from the man.
//Another scar.//
"I've all ready checked the water. It's safe for Ahwakee."
Qui-Gon picked up his pants and put them on.
"Thanks."
"I need to meditate."
He watched Qui-Gon leave the fountain area. //Why is he sound himself blacking out.
Qui-Gon felt Obi-Wan's spirit crying out to him. He could see
his Padawan, unconscious in the fountain.
Qui-Gon ran to the fountain and looked into the water. Obi-Wan
was at the bottom of the fountain, unmoving. Without
hesitating, Qui-Gon dove into the fountain. He picked up
Obi-Wan in his arms and t ook him out of the water, amazed by
the lightness of his Padawan. He set Obi-Wan gently on the
floor. He wasn't breathing. His heart wasn't beating. He pulled
Obi-Wan's head back, and began CPR on him.
//Don't die!// Qui-Gon repeated like a chant, as he
resuscitated his apprentice. Time rolled to a standstill as he
tried to gather the Force around him, to have the Force cure
the young man.
Obi-Wan began to cough.
"It's all right. You're safe." Qui-Gon stroked the young man's
hair.
//Master, why didn't you let me die?//
//I love you too much to let you die,// he confessed.
//How can you love me? I betrayed you,// Obi-Wan asked.
//Not now, my beloved. Don't think about the past.//
Obi-Wan was surprised by the care that his former Master was
giving him. His chest hurt, though he had no idea why. He lay
on a pallet that Qui-Gon had put together on the floor of the
kitchen. It was warm here.
His former Master came into the kitchen, carrying some herbs.
He separated them, then threw some into a pot of boiling water.
"How are you feeling?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Better." He tried to sit up. There was a sharp pain in his
chest and he sank back down to the floor.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he lied.
"You're in pain," Qui-Gon said.
"I think I hurt myself when I fainted." Obi-Wan looked away
from his former Master. "I had a flashback. It made me pass
out."
"I could heal you," Qui-Gon offered.
"I deserve my pain," Obi-Wan murmured.
"Of course you do." Qui-Gon spooned some of the liquid out of
the pot into a bowl. He put a cloth in the bowl, then walked
over to him. He sat down, and began to wipe Obi-Wan's face with
it.
"What is this?" Obi-Wan asked.
"It's something my mother always made when I had a fever."
"I didn't know I had a fever."
"You do." Qui-Gon was so gentle that Obi-Wan wanted to cry.
//How can he be so kind to me? I betrayed him.//
//Why can't he trust me enough to let me help him?// Qui-Gon
thought.
His former Padawan's pain shimmered around him like a rainbow.
Obi-Wan tried to accept the pain like he had been taught but
pain wouldn't leave him.
Now, Obi-Wan had a high fever. Qui-Gon unfastened the younger
man's tunics, opening them up so that he could try to cool his
body off. There was a large bruise on his chest. Qui-Gon's
heart sank. Broken ribs. He had caused this injury.
Qui-Gon dunked the cloth back into the bowl, then began to swab
Obi-Wan's chest. Obi-Wan doubled up in pain when Qui-Gon
touched the bruise. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."
//I let my concentration slip. I will accept this pain,//
Obi-Wan telepathed.
//You're ill!//
//I deserve this pain.//
//Don't say that.// Qui-Gon reached out, wiping off his
Padawan's face.
There were tears in Obi-Wan's eyes. "How can you stand to touch
me?"
"Why wouldn't I touch you?"
"You know that I betrayed you." Obi-Wan looked away from him.
"Xanatos knows everything about us. If I had been stronger, I
might have been able to free you."
"You remember what happened?" Qui-Gon asked.
"I remember everything," Obi-Wan admitted.
"Everything?"
"He raped me. He made you watch. I feel so filthy!" Tears
poured down the Padawan's face. "Now I know why you don't want
me. You can't forgive me for being with someone else. I don't
blame you, I can't forgive myself."
"A part of me died when I saw your attack." Qui-Gon reached
out, caressing Obi-Wan's cheek. "I don't blame you for what
happened."
Obi-Wan was now sobbing openly. Qui-Gon lay on the floor and
very carefully took his Padawan into his arms. "How can you
stand to touch me?. I cheated on you!"
"That isn't why I rejected you. It was because of my weakness."
It hurt to admit this. "I wasn't able to h elp you when you
needed it. I should have been stronger."
"You were injured!" Obi-Wan gasped. "What happened to me wasn't
your fault, it was mine!"
"You should have escaped when you had the chance."
"I had to try to rescue you!"
"I wasn't worth the pain you went through."
"If I hadn't given in, you would have been killed. I wouldn't
have forgiven myself."
"You would have been alive," Qui-Gon pointed out.
"It wouldn't be much of a life without you." Obi-Wan looked
into his eyes. "You're half of my soul. If I had left without
you, I would have betrayed myself."
Qui-Gon realized the wisdom of his Padawan's words. Obi-Wan
meant what he said. "You are in danger being near me. Xanatos
tortured you because of me."
"Isn't that the chance I take being your Padawan?"
"I can't risk you."
"I am a Jedi. Part of my life is risk, whether you're a part of
it or not."
"Let me try and heal you," Qui-Gon asked. "You must be healed
if you are going to fight Xanatos."
Obi-Wan took Qui-Gon's hand and laid it across his chest. "Heal
me, Master."
Obi-Wan had fallen asleep during the healing. When he woke, the
pain in his chest was gone.
Qui-Gon was still beside him. He saw the gray in his Master's
temples for the first time. He was aging. The man had, in his
love for him, risked hiding himself away forever. All in the
cause of the greater good. Obi-Wan could feel through the Vaar
that his Master still did not want the Master/Apprentice
relationship.
"How are you feeling?" Qui-Gon's eyes were concerned.
"Much better." He sat up and was surprised when Qui-Gon helped
him. Then he felt something, a s hifting in the Dark Force.
Xanatos' mind reached out and touched his. He kept the bond
open just long enough to find out where Xanatos was, then he
shut down his mind.
"Did you feel anything?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Xanatos. He's on this planet." Obi-Wan tried to center
himself.
"I think if we work together, we can defeat him," Qui-Gon said.
"Our Vaar is strong enough."
"What about the mindbond with Xanatos?"
"He will try to use it against you."
"I won't let him," Obi-Wan vowed.
"The mindrape made him know you. There is a drawback. You now
know him."
"How do I know him?"
"If you searched your mind, you would realize that he gave you
a part of him."
"I don't want to think about that." Obi-Wan closed his eyes.
"Windu taught me to block things like that out."
"Those things can help you defeat Xanatos," Qui-Gon pointed
out. "You can't spend your life on the run from him."
"I know that."
"Fear leads to the Dark Side."
"I have the Dark Side within me." Obi-Wan looked away. "I am
now evil."
"You can fight it! Do you want it gone?"
"Yes, I do."
"Being evil is a choice! You have to choose which side you want
to be on!"
"I want to be rid of the darkness," Obi-Wan admitted.
"Don't be afraid," Qui-Gon told him. They waited inside the
temple for Xanatos.
"He will come here. The darkness is strong in him."
"Let him come."
"He will profane the temple with his evil!"
"No, Obi-Wan, he won't." Qui-Gon's voice was quiet. "There was
a reason I choose this place. It is full of the Light Side of
the Force."
"But Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan began to object.
"Remember your teachings. Even if there is a bit of light, it
will weaken the darkness."
"So he will be weak if we fight outside."
"If we can draw him into the temple."
"Then he will lose most of his powers!" Obi-Wan guessed.
"Right you are." Qui-Gon smiled.
//Obi-Wan, I know you're in there!// he heard Xanatos say.
//If you want me so much, come get me!// Obi-Wan challenged.
Qui-Gon's hand touched his shoulder, supporting. There was no
need for words through the Vaar.
//You are part of the Dark Side now!//
//If I am so much of the Dark Side, how can I find peace in
this temple?//
Obi-Wan could feel where Xanatos was; he had come into the
Temple from above. He perched above them o n the balcony. The
man was planning to jump down to them in surprise.
Obi-Wan turned, and turned on his lightsaber. At the same time,
Qui-Gon did, too.
Xanatos jumped down. He was holding the lightsaber that he had
been working on when Obi-Wan was a captive. "Qui-Gon, give me
Obi-Wan."
"I do not own Obi-Wan. He goes where he wants to," Qui-Gon
said.
"Why do you think I would go anywhere with someone so evil?"
Obi-Wan asked.
Xanatos turned on his lightsaber. It was a frightening sight,
the two sides of the lightsaber turning on at the same time. He
charged at the two Jedi.
Obi-Wan opened himself fully to the Vaar. The two Jedi now
worked as one. Any time Xanatos parried, one of the Jedi was
able to fight back.
Xanatos was good, very good at fighting. The two Jedi were just
a little bit better.
Xanatos waved a hand, and pieces of the ceiling started raining
down on them. They moved sideways, which made Xanatos move
forwards. Qui-Gon waved his hand, and more of the ceiling came
down. Xanatos stopped concentrating on the fight, and started
working on the ceiling.
Obi-Wan looked at a statue. It was very large. He concentrated,
and the statue flew across the path, s mashing into Xanatos.
The enemy fell to the ground, unconscious, his lightsaber under
him. Obi-Wan could hear the sizzle of flesh.
Qui-Gon turned his former Padawan over and turned off the
lightsaber. Then he went outside and threw the lightsaber off
the cliff. It landed against the rocks and shattered.
"What are we going to do with him?" Obi-Wan asked.
"There is a room in this temple. It was built to contain the
Sith." Qui-Gon looked down to Xanatos. "It will fit him."
"Will he be able to get out?" Obi-Wan asked concerned.
"There is only one way to get out of the room. That is to
embrace the Light Side." Qui-Gon picked up the unconscious
enemy, and walked into the temple.
Obi-Wan knew he wasn't supposed to disturb Qui-Gon when he was
meditating, but he had to talk to him. He sat on the ground
beside the older man. "Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon opened his eyes and looked down to the younger man. "I
am meditating."
"I am sorry to disturb you." Obi-Wan looked away. "My transport
is leaving this evening. As you said, I must go."
"Do you have an aircar?"
"Yes, Master...I mean Qui-Gon."
A smile tugged at Qui-Gon's lips. "I think I like Master
better."
Obi-Wan tried to fight down his heart soaring. "You want me
back?"
"I can't live my life without you. I was wrong to leave you,"
Qui-Gon admitted.
"What made you change your mind?"
"When we fought Xanatos, I realized that our bond made us
stronger."
"Together we are stronger then apart," Obi-Wan said. "One soul,
two bodies."
Qui-Gon turned to Obi-Wan. "I am leaving the choice to you. Can
you take back a Master who deserted you?"
"My place is with you." Obi-Wan reached his hand behind
Qui-Gon's head, pulling him down, opening himself to the kiss.
Qui-Gon pulled himself away from Obi-Wan. "You're still
healing. Later, beloved."
Obi-Wan reluctantly agreed with his lover. "Yes, Master."
"I think it's about time we get off this planet. Do you think
your transport ship needs a new crew member?"
"They always need more help."
"Can your transport get us to Coruscant?"
"It works out of Coruscant."
Qui-Gon got up. "Then let's gather our things, and leave."
"Have you thought of how you're going to talk the Council into
letting you resume your training?" Q ui-Gon lay across the bed,
his head propped up with pillows. They were in their shared
quarters on the transport.
Obi-Wan sat down on the bed with his Master; he could feel
Qui-Gon's arm around his shoulder. "I lied. I never left the
Jedi."
"Why did you lie?" The fingers caressed his shoulder.
"I was afraid you would send me back if you knew the truth,"
Obi-Wan confessed. "You would have, wouldn't you?"
"On the first transport." Qui-Gon smiled.
It felt good to be back with Qui-Gon, but it wasn't in the way
Obi-Wan had expected. They were now friends, nothing more.
Qui-Gon had insisted that they only be friends until Obi-Wan
had completely recovered from his trauma.
Suddenly, a shiver of coldness ran down Obi-Wan's back. In his
mind, he heard Xanatos voice. //Did you really think your jail
could hold me?//
//You're free!// Obi-Wan thought.
//Of course I am free! The next time we meet, I will have my
revenge!//
Obi-Wan closed his mind to Xanatos. He looked up to Qui-Gon.
"Master, Xanatos is free."
Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. "Is he on this ship?"
Obi-Wan thought for a moment. "No, he's not."
"Then we have time."
"Xanatos will come for revenge," Obi-Wan said. "Are you going
to return me to Windu?"
"Our strength lies in our togetherness. With our Vaar we can
defeat him once and for all," Qui-Gon promised.
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